The Narn i Chîn Húrin: Beleg & Falivirn

[Findegil]

Since you ask for a third person to interfer, here are my two pence:

NA-RG-21: I would go with Aiwendils line. for one it is the smaller change and it avoids the 'Guilinion' which is surely valid, but which we never used before.

NA-RG-17: Conservativisem rules for me here so it is Aiwendils line.

NA-SL-04: I looked into it as well when you brought up the problem. Aiwendil is surely right that we can not say that the molestade poeple were Noldor. The candidates are Poeple of Haleth folk from Brethil, Woodmen south of Taeglin and remanants of Marachs folk from south of Ered Wethrin plus probably a view wandering Sindarin-Elves and fare reaching Scouts of Nargothrond. I have no solution at hand. The line is not easily removed either since it is needed for the whole part about the Orks ransacking.

NA-RG-57: Even so Gwindor is discribed very good by being 'faithfull', I think he can be called a friend by the virture of guardinf Túrin up to tht point.

Respectfully
Findegil

[Aran e-Godhellim]

Originally Posted by Findegil

NA-RG-57: Even so Gwindor is discribed very good by being 'faithfull', I think he can be called a friend by the virture of guardinf Túrin up to tht point.

I apologize, what did you mean here? My thought behind the change was actually primarily that we seem to be using the "faithful" epithet for almost everything. I thought a change might be nice, and, as you say, he could be called "friend" by this point.

Edit:

For NA-SL-04, this is the best I've come up with, though it's not conservative at all, sadly:

NA-SL-04{of Gnomish lords by night beleaguered}[where the Haladin dwelt were harrowed by dark] {985}

[Aran e-Godhellim]

Hey, guys, I'm trying to make an updated version of the Narn in alliterative verse using the 2nd Narn in Lays of Beleriand as a base, and I was wondering if you'd help criticize my updated/added verses. If you will, should I make a separate thread, or just add them to the discussion here, since this has already become really verse-oriented?

[Findegil]

NA-RG-57: I simply meant that I agree to the change you suggested.

NA-SL-04: I think that is too specific.

Posted by Aran e-Godhellim

Hey, guys, I'm trying to make an updated version of the Narn in alliterative verse using the 2nd Narn in Lays of Beleriand as a base, and I was wondering if you'd help criticize my updated/added verses. If you will, should I make a separate thread, or just add them to the discussion here, since this has already become really verse-oriented?

I think that is worth a new thread.

Respectfully
Findegil

[Aran e-Godhellim]

Originally Posted by Findegil

NA-SL-04: I think that is too specific.

I agree, but I haven't been able to think of anything better. Maybe Aiwendil has?

I think that is worth a new thread.

Respectfully
Findegil

Okay then.

[Aiwendil]

NA-SL-04 is proving quite tricky. I thought of:

of {Gnomish lords}[scattered wood-men] [overwhelmed] by night {beleaguered}

But I don't think that in Tolkien's idiom 'w' alliterates with 'wh'.

Another possibility is:

of {Gnomish lords}[Elves and Men] {by night}[at eve] beleaguered

But I'm not sure that 'at eve' makes sense, if the point is that the Orcs took their victims at unawares in the dead of the night.

[Aran e-Godhellim]

Hey! How about:

of {Gnomish lords}[scattered woodsmen encircled] by night {beleaguered}

Is that better?