Tolkien Translated... into Googlese

[Pitchwife]

I discovered this lovely website today which devotes itself to demonstrating the absurdity of machine translations. It uses Google Translate to bounce the text you enter back and forth between English and a dozen or so other languages, with predictable results.

I tried my luck with the Ring Verse ("Three rings for the Elven kings..."), and it took only ten translations to transform it into the following jewel of absurd poetry, which I can't keep myself from sharing:

Originally Posted by Bad Translator

Of the three seminars, open sky wizard and the Seven Dwarfs, the large stone buildings, King was sentenced to death nine people, one God, a dark shadow places, magical. Some of the rules to find the ring, all the charms lay a heavy shadow.

Some of the intermediate results were quite charming in their own right, such as this:

Originally Posted by Bad Translator

Kings of the three seminars, open sky wizard and the Seven Dwarfs, a large stone building and nine men were sentenced to death, another for the dark magic of God where the shadows lie.

(Emphasis mine. Makes you wonder how you'd execute a large stone building, doesn't it?)

So pick your favourite Tolkien quote, fasten seat belts and have fun!

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Hilarious, PW. I have tried some things with the "normal" translators before, but this is really a wonderful example how to put it into the extreme.

I don't need to comment on the following one:

"Few people in the home hole. Dirty wet hole poor, worms, their taste of water, dried, exposed end, no bubbles and said: "This is a tax loophole, which means comfort meet."

I think some of the intermediate stages were interesting as well. I am most curious about the origins of this one (emphasis mine):

In a hole in the main living dwarf. There are poor dirty wet hole, filled with worms and end the smell of moisture there, dry, bare, sandy hole nothing in it or sit there: It was a hole canon, and that means comfort.

I just say it's crazy.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

It was a hole canon

So the Hobbit is canonical?!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Gave this a try. Went through a number of languages (none Latin based ones often produce the best results).

I do not know half of the half, because I wanted to and I like less than half the average, as it deserves.

Funnily enough, it may make more sense than Bilbo's original statement.

[Inziladun]

When I put in Beren's well-known response to Thingol

Death you can give me earned or unearned; but the names I will not take from you of baseborn, nor spy, nor thrall.

I got this:

The death has given me a winner or not work, but not from poachers name or spyware, and slavery.

[Nerwen]

1. "Natural brother, brother, my heart is full. Is to manage and continue. I do not agree with the suffering of young people."

2. "Lee Teng-hui is a dangerous road, not a party to a low emissions future, it will be the case. Calm down!"

3. "Aragon remember how to look dead."

4. "There are many opportunities to curious about the world, and to help the poor in the hand tool is often seen as unstable."

5. "Yes, we're happy, I drink blood, so I can use a password trapped in the blood, Mr. President, and the wrong brand of blood. I hunger to death."

[mormegil]

You cannot enter here. Go back to the abyss prepared for you! Go back! Fall into the nothingness that awaits you and your Master. Go!

became

You can here. Back to the list of sinks: go! What is the low expectations and an MBA. Go!

4 translations to be on masters degree and on the 5th it was an MBA.

[Thinlómien]

No bubbles!!!

Thanks Pitchie for the wonderful link.

Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.

became

Win it! I will not say anything. Many of those who live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. You are women? And not satisfied with the deal in court for death. Even the wisest knows all the ends.

and

The biter bit, the hawk under eagle's foot, the spider in the steel web!

became

Biter bit by the Eagle and the promotion of the Internet!

Rather interesting, eh?

[Urwen]

5. "Yes, we're happy, I drink blood, so I can use a password trapped in the blood, Mr. President, and the wrong brand of blood. I hunger to death."

It's easy

Yes,gladly I'll drink your blood to avenge blood of you-know-who and unjustful slaying of the Lame.I'll kill you swiftly.

But can you translate this:

Get away from my garden,you giant toad of Mr.Gloomy!

[Pitchwife]

Could this be the germ of a new quiz thread?

Originally Posted by Nerwen

1. "Natural brother, brother, my heart is full. Is to manage and continue. I do not agree with the suffering of young people."

Neither do I, but I guess it's Fingolfin to Fëanor: "Your half-brother in blood, but your full brother in heart I will be", etc.

2. "Lee Teng-hui is a dangerous road, not a party to a low emissions future, it will be the case. Calm down!"

Lee Teng-hui? Is that the Chinese name for Lalaith?

3. "Aragon remember how to look dead."

"Aragorn, remember the Paths of the Dead"?

4. "There are many opportunities to curious about the world, and to help the poor in the hand tool is often seen as unstable."

An insight we'd all do well to take to heart. No idea.

5. "Yes, we're happy, I drink blood, so I can use a password trapped in the blood, Mr. President, and the wrong brand of blood. I hunger to death."

Can this be Gandalf to Pippin at the gate of Moria - "Knock on the door with your head, Peregrin Took", etc.? Otherwise, no idea.

Poachers, spyware, holes in the canon and the list of the sinks... Incredible!

EDIT: Of course, Urwen! *slaps forehead* But I wonder where 'password' and 'Mr President' came from...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"When Spring unfolds the beechen leaf, and sap is in the bough; When light is on the wild-wood stream, and wind is on the brow; When stride is long, and breath is deep, and keen on the mountain-air, Come back to me! Come back to me! And say my land is fair."

Became

"When the book appeared, juice, light brown wood products, but the current application, the field is wide, deep, mountain air is good to go back to our homeland."

And then...

"It cannot be seen, cannot be felt, Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt. It lies behind stars and under hills, And empty holes fill. It comes first and follows after, Ends life, kills laughter."

Became...

"I do not see can not see, hear or smell. The stars and the hills and fill the empty space. Above all, keep track of them after his death, life and laughter."

Which actually sounds kind of cool.

[Urwen]

You are my country gold wall, control blood prison!

Translate THIS,please!

[Eönwë]

Originally Posted by Estelyn Telcontar

It was a hole canon
So the Hobbit is canonical?!

Actually, I think it's suggesting that it's a hole in the canon, and so uncanonical.

[Guinevere]

*wipes tears of mirth*

At least I recognize this one:

Originally Posted by Nerwen

4. "There are many opportunities to curious about the world, and to help the poor in the hand tool is often seen as unstable."

"Many are the strange chances of the world and help oft shall come from the hands of the weak when the Wise falter."

[Oddwen]

Ships and High King 33rd. Why land flowing sea monster? Seven, seven white stones and trees

Cook, cook better than me, if you know what I mean.

He was a sailor Arverni. Earendil left the ship, in order to reduce Nimbrethil trees

That one made me chortle.

Good and evil are not to change things, past, or elves, dwarves and another man. These are to make a different timber, gold, and his family.

Since, you know...if you need new timber, gold and families, good and evil won't help you.

[Loslote]

The first couple lines of Galadriel's Lament (

"I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew; of wind I sang, a wind there came, and in the branches blew."

), ten translations later, turns out to be:

"I sing in the leaves and gold leaves and rose gold there, the wind, the wind, a broken branch."

And then, the description of Vana:

All flowers spring as she passes and open if she glances upon them; and all birds sing at her coming.

becomes:

"Some of the flowers in the spring in your eyes, open them and all the birds sing next."

And, my personal favorite middling translation:

Part of the spring flowers are in his eyes, open them and all the birds are singing next.

Let's just say if I were Orome, I wouldn't be too excited about this...

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Oh my, these are all so hilarious

"Some of the flowers in the spring in your eyes, open them and all the birds sing next" - that's quite a cool advice, isn't it?

How about this one:

"When you speak the language of toxic tell you, Snake youth?"

I can't speak the language of toxic, but I assume "Snake Youth" is a Middle-Earth equivalent to the Scout movement...

And this is a piece of dialogue between friends who are fed up with Microsoft:

"In a few minutes! Year! Beaten and cursed. I hate you how to install! "Then give it away!" - Gandalf said.

I have this quite clear picture of Gandalf and Gríma (yes, he's the other one) sitting by the computer and watching the screen saying something like "installation will be complete in a few minutes" and it's there for several hours...

Although I cracked up also at some of the transitional stages:

Year minute! Few years! Ever beaten and cursed. How do you hate I would like to ride it! "And then give it!" Said Gandalf.

That just sounds to me like something from a Phantom and Alien comic strip (Gandalf's "addendum" sounds just like something Alien could say in the last frame).

[Guinevere]

Originally Posted by Nerwen

2. "Lee Teng-hui is a dangerous road, not a party to a low emissions future, it will be the case. Calm down!"

Could this perhaps be:
"Fool of a Took!" "This is a serious journey, not a hobbit walking-party.Throw yourself in next time, and then you will be no further nuisance Now be quiet!"

or am I mistaken?

[Nerwen]

Originally Posted by Pitch

Neither do I, but I guess it's Fingolfin to Fëanor: "Your half-brother in blood, but your full brother in heart I will be", etc.

That's it.

Lee Teng-hui? Is that the Chinese name for Lalaith?

No. Apparently it's Chinese for "Fool of a Took". This is Gandalf to Pippin after the latter throws a stone into the shaft in Moria.

Originally Posted by Pitch

"Aragorn, remember the Paths of the Dead"?

Yep.

Originally Posted by Pitch

An insight we'd all do well to take to heart. No idea.

Guinevere has it: "Many are the strange chances of the world and helps oft shall come from the hands of the weak when the Wise falter."

Originally Posted by Pitch

Can this be Gandalf to Pippin at the gate of Moria - "Knock on the door with your head, Peregrin Took", etc.? Otherwise, no idea.

Of course, Urwen! *slaps forehead* But I wonder where 'password' and 'Mr President' came from...

Yes, Urwen's right, it's the sword Gurthang. "Mr President" starts out as "master" and morphs gradually by way of "sir" and "Chairman". "Password" is more mysterious. It appears right after the first (Afrikaans) translation: "Yes, I will gladly drink your blood, that I may the blood of the siege of my master password, and the blood of slain Brandir unfair. I will fast to death."

"Beleg" becomes "seige" at the same point, but after a while that disappears.

[Nerwen]

Originally Posted by Guinevere

Originally Posted by Nerwen
2. "Lee Teng-hui is a dangerous road, not a party to a low emissions future, it will be the case. Calm down!"Could this perhaps be:
"Fool of a Took!" "This is a serious journey, not a hobbit walking-party.Throw yourself in next time, and then you will be no further nuisance Now be quiet!"

or am I mistaken?

No, you're not mistaken. How on Middle-earth did you work that one out?

[Pitchwife]

Originally Posted by Nerwen

"Password" is more mysterious. It appears right after the first (Afrikaans) translation: "Yes, I will gladly drink your blood, that I may the blood of the siege of my master password, and the blood of slain Brandir unfair. I will fast to death."
"Beleg" becomes "seige" at the same point, but after a while that disappears.

It just hits me that "password" may actually come from "Beleg" via German Beleg (pronounced roughly 'balague', as in 'plague') = 'proof, voucher, receipt'. The poor guy - wasn't being slain by his best friend hard enough on him?

[Morthoron]

What an odd site. I put in this:

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.

And the eighth translation (from Chinese) gave me the strangest return:

Living in the ground a short hole. This is a dirty, dirty hole, wet, damp cave completely worms and smell the end, but no nudity, dry, nothing I heard him sand: This is a troll-hole, which means comfort.

Thank goodness 'no nudity'. It was all beginning to sound vaguely indecent.

[Aiwendil]

This is most amusing.

I tried:

There was Iluvatar, the All-father, and he made first the Ainur, the holy ones, who were the offspring of his thought, and they were with him before aught else was made.

Result:

I am the Earth, God, it's just Ainur and the saints who from their ideas, do not do anything.

Those lousy Ainur (and saints), why don't they ever do anything with their ideas?

Curiously, the first iteration (to Afrikaans and back to English) transformed 'Iluvatar' into 'Eru Iluvatar'. So apparently the dictionaries include the names of some Tolkien characters.

[Pitchwife]

Originally Posted by Urwen

Get away from my garden,you giant toad of Mr.Gloomy!

Could be Fëanor to Melkor: "Get thee gone from my door, thou gaolbird from Mandos" (or some such).
As for your other one, I haven't got a clue.

Originally Posted by Oddwen

Earendil left the ship, in order to reduce Nimbrethil trees

I suppose Vingilot needed some repairs.

"All shall love me and despair" made it almost unharmed through the first 10 rounds, but after 54 finally became "I love goals". Had no idea Galadriel was a football fan!

On the other hand,

Go not to the Elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.

took only 10 rounds to become

Return to the wizard that is a fact, not the West.

[Nerwen]

Originally Posted by Pitchwife

It just hits me that "password" may actually come from "Beleg" via German Beleg (pronounced roughly 'balague', as in 'plague') = 'proof, voucher, receipt'. The poor guy - wasn't being slain by his best friend hard enough on him?

Ah, you must be right. But then I don't know where "seige" comes from.

Ja, Ek sal graag jou bloed drink nie, dat daar so ek kan die bloed van die beleg van my heer vergeet, en die bloed van Brandir verslaan is onregverdig. Ek sal jou vinnig doodmaak

Any clues?

Anyway, Beleg's not so badly off, just being turned into a password*. The equally unfortunate Brandir eventually becomes, "the wrong brand of blood".





*Next time I need a password, I'll know what to pick.

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Originally Posted by Nerwen

Anyway, Beleg's not so badly off, just being turned into a password*. The equally unfortunate Brandir eventually becomes, "the wrong brand of blood".

As in: "What kind of cheap rubbish are you drinking, Dracula?"

But, look at this:

"Lord Black, who left the country! This is very unfair. The illegal seizure of their countries' struggle. Therefore, the king must be wrong battle, he should buy, so it will always exist."

Aww, poor them. This is very unfair.
The last sentence, however, seems like having some deeper idea behind it, probably some "Capitalist metaphysics".

[Pitchwife]

After a quick search of some Afrikaans online dictionaries, it looks like we could both be right, Nerwen: Afr beleg (noun)= Engl siege (cf. German Belagerung siege, belagern to lay siege on). On the other hand, Afr beleg (verb) = Gm belegen = Engl to proove. So my best guess at the moment is that Beleg got split into 'siege' and 'password', while forget seems to have been... well, forgotten. But maybe some Dutch Downer could shed some more light on this?
Anyway, it's all quite fascinating, once you dig into it - even more if you happen to understand two or three of the languages involved, I suppose.

Originally Posted by Legate

"Lord Black, who left the country! This is very unfair. The illegal seizure of their countries' struggle. Therefore, the king must be wrong battle, he should buy, so it will always exist."

*input error*input error*input error*input error*input error*(insert smilie with smoke coming out of its ears)*

[Guinevere]

Well, in Dutch "Beleg" does mean "siege". (in German "siege" is "Belagerung" , I can see the relationship.)
When I fetch money at the cash machine they always ask "Wünschen Sie einen Beleg?" (Do you wish a Beleg (receipt)?
Makes me always think of poor Cuthalion!

Edit:Oops, cross-posted with Pitchwife!

[Nerwen]

Originally Posted by Pitchwife

After a quick search of some Afrikaans online dictionaries, it looks like we could both be right, Nerwen: Afr beleg (noun)= Engl siege (cf. German Belagerung siege, belagern to lay siege on). On the other hand, Afr beleg (verb) = Gm belegen = Engl to proove. So my best guess at the moment is that Beleg got split into 'siege' and 'password', while forget seems to have been... well, forgotten. But maybe some Dutch Downer could shed some more light on this?r*input error*input error*input error*(insert smilie with smoke coming out of its ears)*

Originally Posted by Guinevere

Well, in Dutch "Beleg" does mean "siege". (in German "siege" is "Belagerung" , I can see the relationship.)
When I fetch money at the cash machine they always ask "Wünschen Sie einen Beleg?" (Do you wish a Beleg (receipt)?
Makes me always think of poor Cuthalion!

I wonder why the word came back into English twice? in other cases it seems this program picks a possible translation at random, if there's more than one– that's how "swiftly" in the original became "hunger" via "fast".

Mr Cuthalion really sent this thing haywire, anyway– most quotes I've tried didn't get that bizarre until they'd been translated back from Chinese.

[Blind Guardian]

Wow this is great! It translated blessed to holy Oo and somehow got paraphrase in there !

[Nerwen]

Originally Posted by Legate

"Lord Black, who left the country! This is very unfair. The illegal seizure of their countries' struggle. Therefore, the king must be wrong battle, he should buy, so it will always exist."

I suspect this started life as:

"Let the Lord of the Black Land come forth! Justice shall be done upon him. For wrongfully he has made war upon Gondor and wrested its lands. Therefore the King of Gondor demands that he should atone for his evils, and depart then forever."

[Urwen]

Guess these:

1."Last but not least, cold butter and green bird art beads, silver, ivory, queen mother, Miriam, and in most Gulf countries"

2."Throughout the area, the hair looks like a lily, yellow grass"


3. "Winter can not"


4."Life, or dark immortal, beat I sign up?"

[The Might]

The translations are that bad, I don't even have a clue for most of these...

[Urwen]

The first three are from UT. The fourth is quote said by fulfiller of prophecy to his/her victim.

If you want more clues,tell me.

[Legate of Amon Lanc]

Originally Posted by Urwen

4."Life, or dark immortal, beat I sign up?"

This one was not so difficult, even without your once again impatient and early clues, Urwen. It's Éowyn to the Witch-King.

Originally Posted by Nerwen

I suspect this started life as:

"Let the Lord of the Black Land come forth! Justice shall be done upon him. For wrongfully he has made war upon Gondor and wrested its lands. Therefore the King of Gondor demands that he should atone for his evils, and depart then forever."

Indeed that was it.

This "capitalist metaphysics" ending made me wish to try my favourite metaphysics quote from LotR. I was not disappointed, what came out, was this:

"I'm a ghost ring cold. The skin is your body, when seen, and all other political parties, cold eyes."

I wonder if you people can figure out where that comes from.

Also, from totally different area, this is lovely:

"Century, Tags, Obesity Bread of Love "and she Smiled!"

This came out of the maximum translations, as after 10 or even 25, it was still quite easily recognisable. I can let you people wonder about it for a while here before I post where it is from - just for the sake of fun, because honestly, I doubt anybody is going to recognise what was the original quote.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

"No eyelids or the media box, prevents the light gold face."

Take a guess, anyone.

[Urwen]

4."Life, or dark immortal, beat I sign up?"
This one was not so difficult, even without your once again impatient and early clues, Urwen. It's Éowyn to the Witch-King.

How did you guess that?!

[Pitchwife]

Originally Posted by Legate

"I'm a ghost ring cold. The skin is your body, when seen, and all other political parties, cold eyes."

"Those Nazgûl give me the creeps. And they skin the body off you as soon as look at you, and leave you all cold in the dark on the other side." Gorbag to Shagrat, feeding speculations about what's been called 'Nazgûl purgatory'.

[Guinevere]

Originally Posted by Urwen

1."Last but not least, cold butter and green bird art beads, silver, ivory, queen mother, Miriam, and in most Gulf countries"

At least I can recognize that one (from the end of the Akallabêth):

"And last of all the mounting wave, green and cold and plumed with foam, climbing over the land, took to its bosom Tar-Míriel the queen, fairer than silver or ivory or pearls."

[Urwen]

Aye.

How did you guess?