Scarburg Meadhall Discussion Thread

[littlemanpoet]

Originally Posted by Folwren

Haha...whoops...when I read your post, Elempi, I had the impression he was old-ish. I can alter it if you like. (Ha! I didn't apologize. How do you like that?-- Foley

Kudos for not apologizing. Don't change a thing. Wiglaf being old only makes Faramund look worse.

There probably will need to be some changes, Noggie - I'll need to look some more.

[Nogrod]

Okay. I've posted on both "fronts"...

Originally Posted by littlemanpoet

There probably will need to be some changes, Noggie - I'll need to look some more.

Just let me know about them...

[littlemanpoet]

Faramund was struggling with an answer when Athanar continued.

This seems a bit doltish. How about the following?

Athanar watched a smirk form on Faramund's mouth as he opened it to begin some retort. He chose to cut him off before he began.

Or some such...

And this needs to change also:

Faramund seemed to be somewhat lost in the beginning, but as he spelled the words he got more comfortable.

... perhaps to this....

Faramund seemed to be stalling, trying to find a way to save face.

Essentially, Faramund is not an idiot or fool or dolt. He is a rebellious, arrogant, ungrateful son of a good lord, clever but prone to interpret what others do and say in a completely self-centered fashion. Make sense?

[Nogrod]

That makes very much sense lmp. And heh, reminds me too well of the fact that I'm writing in a foreign language... I mean, I can see what you say and why you suggest the changes, but I hadn't thought of those connotations... or maybe some of them, but hadn't any other means of expressing them as I wished, just for the lack of living vocabulary.

Anyway, I've made the changes you suggest - and will try to post shortly before going to sleep.

Btw. this "honeymoon" of writing at this hour will be over shortly as my vacation ends on Monday and I can't be around at this time of the day any more as I will have early morning calls. I'll try to keep up the good pace, but the times I'll be able to write will be different from Monday on - three to five hours earlier from this post will be the latest I can be online.

But I think we have this thing live and kicking once again, so that should be no problem...

[Folwren]

Btw. this "honeymoon" of writing at this hour will be over shortly as my vacation ends on Monday and I can't be around at this time of the day any more as I will have early morning calls.

Bummer. I'm loving it, though I can't join in myself. I will soon, I promise! It's wonderful reading your guys' stuff!!!

-- Foley