The Ruin of Beleriand and the Fall of Fingolfin

[Findegil]

Welcome to this part of the downs Ekimeniso!

We try to be nice to anybody who takes part in our discussion. We much to seldom have guests or new participants.

RB-DF-03.5: Two times 'silver' in §144:
I suggested them same, but your reasons are even more confincing them mine.

RB-DF-04b: The image of the lonley tree in the storm and the blackness of the shield:
About the black shield: to name the shield black when in the next moment it is discribed as 'sable unblazoned' is redundant enough. The slight diffrence does not warrant a change.
But the image of the lonley tree is diffrent. I am not confinced that it is necessary, but I will give it a try to incooperate it a bit more fluent (see below).

RB-DF-04.5: the eoching cries in the northland:
I agree that this might be helpfull to hold, since it makes it more clear were Morogoths host fell upon their faces.

So we would get:

Then Morgoth came.> That was the last time in these wars that he passed the doors of his stronghold, and it is said that he took not the challenge willingly; for though his might RB-DF-02 {is}<LQ1 was> greatest of all things in this world, alone of the Valar he RB-DF-03 {knows}<LQ1 knew> fear. But he could not now deny the challenge before the face of his captains; for the rocks rang with the shrill music of the RB-DF-03.5{silver} horn of Fingolfin and his voice came keen and clear down into the depths of Angband; and Fingolfin named Morgoth craven, and lord of slaves. Therefore Morgoth came, climbing slowly from his subterranean throne, and the rumour of his feet was like thunder underground. And he issued forth clad in black armour; and he stood before the king like a tower, iron-crowned. RB-DF-04b<GA But Fingolfin withstood him, though he towered above the Elven-king like a storm above a lonely tree>, and his vast shield, sable unblazoned, cast a shadow over him like a{ storm} cloud. But Fingolfin gleamed beneath it like a star; for his mail was overlaid with silver, and his blue shield was set with crystals; and he drew his sword Ringil, and it glittered like ice, cold and grey and deadly. Then Morgoth hurled aloft as a mace Grond, the hammer of the Underworld, and swung it down like a bolt of thunder. But Fingolfin sprang aside, and Grond rent a mighty pit in the earth, whence smoke and fire darted. Many times Morgoth essayed to smite him, and each time Fingolfin leaped away, as a lightning shoots from under a dark cloud; and he wounded Morgoth RB-DF-04.2 {with seven wounds, and seven times Morgoth gave a cry} <GA seven times with his sword; and the cries> of anguish that Morgoth gave <GA echoed in the north-lands>, whereat the rocks shivered, and the hosts of Angband fell upon their faces in dismay.

RB-DF-07.5: The lamentation in Gondolin:
Probably we should bring that in much ealier. Turgon learned about tthe death of Fingolfin when Thorondor brought the body to the Echoriad, but Fingon learned the same from the return of Rochalor without rider I would guess. So what about this:

... And he laid him upon a mountain-top that looked from the North upon the hidden valley of Gondolin; and Turgon coming built a high cairn over him. Neither Orc nor Balrog dared ever after to pass over the mount of Fingolfin or draw nigh his tomb, until the doom of Gondolin was come and treachery was born among his kin. RB-DF-07.5 <GA There was lamentation in Gondolin when Thorondor brought the tidings, for many of the people of the hidden city were Noldor of Fingolfin's house.> Morgoth RB-DF-06 {goes ever halt of one foot since that day, and the pain of his wounds cannot}<LQ2 went ever halt of one foot after that day, and the pain of his wounds could not> be healed; and in his face is the scar that Thorondor made.
§148 RB-DF-07 <GA Now Rochallor had stayed beside the king until the end, but the wolves of Angband assailed him, and he escaped from them because of his great swiftness, and ran at last to Hithlum, and broke his heart and died.> There was lamentation in Hithlum when the fall of Fingolfin became known; but Fingon took the kingship of the Noldor, and he maintained still his realm behind the Shadowy Mountains in the North. ...

Respectfuly
Findegil

[Ekimeniso]

Originally Posted by Findegil

RB-DF-04b: The image of the lonley tree in the storm and the blackness of the shield:
About the black shield: to name the shield black when in the next moment it is discribed as 'sable unblazoned' is redundant enough. The slight diffrence does not warrant a change.

I actually agree.

Originally Posted by Findegil

But the image of the lonley tree is diffrent. I am not confinced that it is necessary, but I will give it a try to incooperate it a bit more fluent (see below).

and he stood before the king like a tower, iron-crowned. RB-DF-04b<GA But Fingolfin withstood him, though he towered above the Elven-king like a storm above a lonely tree>, and his vast shield, sable unblazoned, cast a shadow over him like a{ storm} cloud.

That's better than my suggestion, I think, but still a bit dodgy, as the contrasting description of the two contrahents going from Morgoth to Fingolfin is now repeated and (imho) thus loses some of its power (and there is also the redundancy of "tower" and "towered").

Maybe my English skills are too limited to formulate a better amalgam of the two sources in this case, but I tried this:

and he stood before the king like a tower, iron-crowned, and his vast shield, sable unblazoned, cast a shadow over him like a <GAstorm> cloud <GA above a lonely tree>.

What do you think? Of course we're mixing the metaphors quite loosely here. And maybe there are just too many images - the tower, the storm over the tree, the cloud over the star - and the one from the GA has to go. I'm not sure.
RB-DF-07.5: The lamentation in Gondolin:

Originally Posted by Findegil

Probably we should bring that in much ealier. Turgon learned about tthe death of Fingolfin when Thorondor brought the body to the Echoriad, but Fingon learned the same from the return of Rochalor without rider I would guess. So what about this:

... And he laid him upon a mountain-top that looked from the North upon the hidden valley of Gondolin; and Turgon coming built a high cairn over him. Neither Orc nor Balrog dared ever after to pass over the mount of Fingolfin or draw nigh his tomb, until the doom of Gondolin was come and treachery was born among his kin. RB-DF-07.5 <GA There was lamentation in Gondolin when Thorondor brought the tidings, for many of the people of the hidden city were Noldor of Fingolfin's house.>

Of course, that's more or less where the first "lamentation" stood in GA - after the building of the cairn. But then we're back at the point were Aiwendil suggested to avoid the recurrence of "there was lamentation"; maybe this can't be avoided. Logically, it would make sense to have Thorondor bring the tidings and the Gondothlim mourning before Turgon can come and build the cairn - am I having a déjà vu or was there some discussion somewhere on this forum about this already? Anyway, thus:

... And he laid him upon a mountain-top that looked from the North upon the hidden valley of Gondolin. <GA There was lamentation in Gondolin when Thorondor brought the tidings, for many of the people of the hidden city were Noldor of Fingolfin's house.> [And] Turgon coming built a high cairn over {him} Fingolfin. Neither Orc nor Balrog dared ever after to pass over the mount of Fingolfin or draw nigh his tomb, until the doom of Gondolin was come and treachery was born among his kin.

Naturally, the course of events is debatable and I'm also fine with your way.

Greetings