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#1 |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,721
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CE-EX-07 & CE-EX-17: For 'theological' I can see your reason to find it out of place in a Middle-earth jargon. And I agree hasintatingly to remove it. But for 'damned'? Why should that not be used?
CE-EX-21: I see that your interpretation what the 'sterile' insert means is completely differnt from my one. For me it was a qualifier for the process not for the outcome and it was a kind of precaussion against accusation of Zoophilia. It seems that we can not change the sentence, since we would fix then one interpretation. CE-EX-28: Okay, I will at least try to look abit more intensliy, if I find arguments against the elvish names. Resspectfully Findegil |
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#2 |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
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Damned is not bad, I suppose the quotation marks seem out of place.
CE-EX-21: even if we had different interpretations, we cannot simply leave it as (sterile!) as that is not grammatically correct at all, as tolkien was simply jotting thoughts down. We must either remove it or pick one. |
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#3 |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,721
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CE-EX-21 What is so wrong with such an insertion, operating as an qualifier? I suppose the exclamation mark is wrong in a way. So if that would help we can skip that.
Respectfully Findegil |
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#4 | ||
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,721
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Okay, I try a second go on the comments:
CE-EX-30: This is editing mark is for the complet insert from LT of the armour taking of the Valar. As I wrote in my first comment, I am also not quite sure if this is to be taken or not. As argument for pro: we have included physical descriptions of the Valar. We see them here prepairing themself for a physical war. Probably unexpacted for the Valar the main physical action is not against Melkor but against his agents. About Salmar and Omar: Even in the Lost Tales they are no major figures. So I don't see why this should disqualify them here. Your change in the last part is stylistic and I would do it. But I looking that up I saw an other miss: Quote:
CE-EX-37: Agreed. But was not Illuin the name only of the Lamp? I would there correct in this way: Quote:
About your proposed changes in detail: 1. 'a tyrant (or central tyranny and will), {+}[considered with the sum of] his agents’: The consideration is what follows. I think what Tolkien meant here was Melkor was no longer the central figure only but had created agents to which he had given part of his former self, at least of his power. Therefore I would either stick to 'plus' or replace by 'and'. 2. '{on a power level with}[equal to]': Why do you want to change this? I agree that it is not best style, but the change to 'equal' bad because that was true before as well, as he ever had been of the same order of beeings. 3. '{(sc. armies, Balrogs, etc.)} {piecemeal}[individually]. So {that} they': For all three changes I can only see reason of style. Or do I miss some thing here. 4. 'sufficient {'}force{'} {(in any sense)}': Why should we remove that qualifier? 5. 'evil {magic}[power]': The critisem on 'magic' that is uttered by Galadriel in LotR is only concerned with fact that the word was applied to both the evil deceits of the enemy and the works of elvish craft. So I would think in this circumstance 'magic' is valid. 6. 'his own point of view{:}[; as] he {has}[had] now': This is changing the sense of the construction! The dubble point makes the observation that followes the reference of the sentence before. The semicolon makes it to a kind of addition, with the reference of the sentence before changing to the next paragraph. At least I am strongly against this change. 7. '{Either}{Manwë} {must tell}{[told] him} {so or}{/and/ he}[He] {must }himself suddenly {realize (or both) }[realized] that this {has}[had] happened: he {is}[had] {'}dispersed{'}.': By changing the passage in this way you decised what happend. That is not realy what we want to do. But I agree that as it stands the sentence is problematic in a narative. But then we should go with Tolkiens after thought and not with ours and taking his insert '(or both)' as a guide for our editing. That was what I tried. 8. 'power of recuperation and multiplication{. So}[, so] that they {will}[would]': Changing the point to a comma is pure style. We should shy back from this especially in a footnote. {will}[would]: I can agree to that, if we would consider the world cleand from all agents of Melkor. But then which event in the history should have done that cleaning? As I understood the concept the 'would' is true in 'Arda remade', but as I undertand it our narative is still told in 'Arda marred'. 9. 'creative power {has}[had] gone out': Agreed, but it is change for grammatical reasons, so I will formate it with underlining. 10. '{As with all other characters there must be}{/In/ a trembling}[There was a] moment {when it is}[when]/he was/': Your suggestion of 'There was' is good and I agree also to the restoration of 'when', but why do you want the remove 'trembling'? 11. 'in the balance{:}[; and] he nearly {repents}[repented]': Again this change at least for me does interfere with the sense of the construction, which I am at al loos to allow. 12. 'he could {now} at that moment': What is the reason to remove the 'now'? 13. '{(just like Sauron afterwards on this model)}': I can see some reason for the removal. So I agree to it. Probably we can use it as back reference in Second Age stuff. 14. 'From {which}[this] actually he {gets}[got]a {kind of} perverted pleasure': Again for both your changes I can only see reason of style. If I miss some other reasoning, please explain. 15. '[[footnote to the text] for the mere contemplating of the possibility of genuine repentance, if that did not come specially then as a direct grace from Eru, was at least one last flicker of his true primeval nature.]': I can see your reasoning to move that sentence to a footnote, but this might open the flood gate. The sentence was not a footnote in the original text, so we should keep it in the main body of the text. If necessary we might change it in fromating or in formulation. 16. 'He {actually}[even] {kneels}[knelt] before Manwë': Please explain your reason behind this change. 17. '{deludes}[deluded] Manwë[.]{ -} Manwë {must be shown to have}/had/': I agree to this change. It might be called styleish but on the other hand do we lift a text from analyses to narative, and some small alterations are possible. 18. '{[footnote to the text: Every finite creature must have some weakness: that is some inadequacy to deal with some situations. It is not sinful when not willed, and when the creature does his best (even if it is not what should be done) as he sees it - with the conscious intent of serving Eru.)]}': Why do you want to remove this footnote? It is in it content not more critical as the one you wanted to creat out of the remark about Melkors primeval nature. 19. '{ - even 'keeping the status quo' -}': Again I see no reason to remove this insertion. On the contatray, I fell that with removing it we take away some information that Tolkien did provide. CE-EX-45: I agree to change {Vali}[Valar] and as well to the restoration of the 'silver chair of Manwe', but with the concept of the nine great once we can still speak about 'great and small Valar'. CE-SL-15: I agree to your changes of interpunctation. But '{enemy territory}[the lands of his enemies]' is a pure style change in my point of view. And I wouldn't take 'and' as the connectore for the 'He could not do this' but rather 'therefore'. CE-EX-48 & CE-EX-49: Agreed. CE-EX-50 & CE-EX-51: I agree on the Ulmo part. But for Osse, I would rather let him speak cautioulsy against it without the reasoning. My (bad) idea behind keeping the reasoning was that it now would refer to the 'cautiously', but that is bad editing as it is changing the sense. CE-EX-56: Silmo is refered to in chapter 2. Silpion is still a valid name for Telperion so it should stand. The changes you made to the speech of the elvish ambassadore seem good to me, I just do not see why you removed 'new-' from 'new-come'. 'Ilúvatar had {wiped}[removed] from the minds': Pure style, or not? '{Palisor}[Endo Last edited by Findegil; 08-30-2017 at 08:25 AM. |
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#5 |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
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CE-EX-30: I am pretty strongly inclined against including it, despite the awesome battle descriptions, for the reasons I've already stated. As for Omar and Salmar, my complaint I guess fits more about Omar, as he is most likely not included in the Valaquenta or the Of the Beginning of Time chapters, and thus has no introduction. If he is to be kept here and in Chapter 2, a description of his entry to Arda is probably needed.
CE-EX-39: 1. I think the "and" is better than "plus". 2. "on a power level with" is very colloquial writing, but as you say we shouldnt change style, so fine. In my defense tho, it says in the MT essays that Manwe was less powerful than Melkor originally, but that he became coeval later. 3. it was just for style. 4. I see now that we should not remove it. 5. fair enough, I agree with you. 6. Fair enough 7. I do not understand your objection to my revision. I merely changed the tenses and rearranged the words to flow more naturally. Nothing of the original sense was changed. 8. It is not pure style, as the "So that they will gather again without further specific orders." is not a sentence, and cannot remain as it is. By joining it to the previous one, I lost nothing of the meaning, while fixing the grammatical impossibility. 9. Yay 10. If i removed "trembling" it was a typo on my part. 11. agreed, it should stay as is. 12. the "now" seemed redundant, but it is Tolkien's writing, so we should probably leave it. 13. Sounds good. 14. It is indeed style, so it may remain unchanged. 15. Tolkien marked it with square brackets, but gave no indication why. That is why I moved it to a footnote. 16. it was grammar, as it was not a sentence as it stood. By changing "which" to "this" it became a sentence instead of a clause, and I changed to past tense to match the rest of the narrative. removing "kind of" was purely style however. 17. Yay 18. I do not know why I removed this footnote. 19. I removed it because, while I agree it is important, it makes use of a colloquialism that would not exist in Middle-earth. Status-quo is a literal latin phrase that we use in English as an idiom, and so feels jarring in a Middle-earth writing, much like tolkien describing Quenya as the "Elf-latin." CE-EX-45: May we at least change "small" to "lesser?" if not I suppose I will agree, but it feels very Lost Tales and not very Quenta Silm. CE-SL-15: agreed. CE-EX-50,-51: agreed CE-EX-56: I removed the "new" because they were not new-come from beyond Ea, as they were not the first Elves in the later conception. "removed" rather than "wiped" was indeed pure style. CE-EX-59-60: This is the dsicussion of the phonology of the word for Quendi and Calaquendi and Moriquendi. I was merely suggesting that we move them along with the following linguistic discussion to a seperate section at the end of the chapter. CE-EX-65-End: I will do a draft of that as soon as possible. Last edited by ArcusCalion; 08-29-2017 at 11:08 PM. |
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#6 | ||||||||||||||||
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,721
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CE-EX-30: First the easy stuff: Omar. You are right I did forget that I skipped him from 2, So he has to be skipped here as well.
It is interesting that you are so enthusiastic about taking up the description of the mansions of the Valar in chapter 2 but here are so much against including the weapon taking. We have to think what we are dealing with here: A story told by the Valar to the Elves and then handed down probably by many steps through mannish and hobbitish hands. How do we think the Valar would tell the story of this early war? Most probably in a picturesque symbolical way that would be understandable to the Children of Ilúvatar. And in addition, is these description so much of the tone, seeing the late tale of Tuor: Quote:
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15. As I said the reason is clear, but the way you dealed with it, is rather blocked in my opinion. I am inclined just to remove the square brackets. 16. Okay, I agree on the two change {which}[this], but we will keep ‘kind of’. 18. Oaky, then we will keep it. 19. Yes, I can follow your argument about ‘status quo’. What about changing it to ‘present state’? CE-EX-45: ‘Now a court was set upon the slopes of Taniquetil and Melkor arraigned before all the Valar great and lesser and before the silver chair of Manwë.’ That doesn’t sound right form. Are you sure that is what you would like? CE-EX-56: I agree that the speaker were not ‘new-come’, but both Finwë and Elwë speak about the experience and thoughts of the first Elves, not of their own. Therefore I think the ‘new’ in ‘new-come’ should stand. What follows is a slightly amended draft as proposed by ArcusCalion. I will comment on the changes I introduce in comparison to the one that ArcusCalion below. Overall I am okay with the rearnagement. Quote:
CE-EX-76.1 to CE-EX-76.2: In this part ArcusCalion wanted to replace the footnote about the Mithrim alone. But for me, shifting the footnote from one reference to another doesn’t seem to be the right way. Therefore I shifted the arrangement the inserted paragraphs. Last but not least to the comments that ArcusCalion provided with the draft: CE-EX-58.4: ArcusCalion suggested to remove this footnote completely, and I agree to this. CE-EX-62.5 Footnote to §26: ArcusCalion suggested hesitatingly to remove this footnote completely. I thought first we should keep this one reference to the Gnomes, since the name might be used in later writings. But it is neither in the Hobbit nor in LotR. So I agree to remove the complete footnote. CE-SL-21: ArcusCalion asked why this was deleted. The passage gives a relation between the Valinorean years and the Years of the Sun. The project discussed about this and came to the conclusion that we will not tackle this problem down. This means we simply avoid specifying such a relation. May be I have overdone it here by the complete deletion. We could take: Quote:
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CE-EX-60.6: ArcusCalion wanted to remove this Footnote. But I think that is unnecessary. Once we are talking about real footnotes this just a repeated number, so that he footnote has two references. Quote:
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ArcusCalion suggested to expand ‘PQ’ as ‘Primitive Quendian’. I agree to this and think we as well should expand ‘Q’ to ‘Quenya’ and ‘S’ to ‘Sindarin’. I have added this to the general changes. ArcusCalion wanted to remove the following footnote as ‘too complex’: Quote:
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The last comment of ArcusCalion was about the shift of the footnote, on which I have already reacted above. Respectfully Findegil |
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#7 | ||||||||||
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
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CE-EX-30: I see now your point. I had forgotten about the Ulmo description in the Later Tuor. Having read that, I see that you are right.
CE-EX-39: agreed to all CE-EX-45: To me it sounds fine, but I do not object if you think the change too much. CE-EX-56: agreed For this next section I apologize, I had not removed the comments from before I rearranged the text. Therefore many of my comments no longer apply. This is true of all of these: Quote:
That being said, for the rest of your changes to this section I agree. I am curious what the reasoning was for abandoning the relation of the Years of the Trees to the Years of the Sun? I was not aware that the timeline changed. |
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