Silmarillion Parody

[Urwen]

Idril:
Now, what in Eru's name are you two doing?

Meleth:
Ah, oh....Um....you see....We're in love.....

Idril:
[suddenly screaming]
Get away from him, Meleth!

Meleth:
I am a grown Elf-maiden. You do not tell me what to do.

Tuor:
[arrives and stands beside Idril]
Hey, remember that time when I broke thy arm? With a wrench?
[grabs something out of thin air]
Specifically, this wrench.

Idril:
......

Maeglin:
......

Tuor:
[oblivious]
And then I threw thou off a cliff for good measure. Good times, that.

Maeglin:
..........

Idril:
Tuor, I love you, I truly do, but you're making this worse.

Eol:
[comes up from behind Maeglin]
On the contrary, princess. He is making things better. For me.
[approaches Tuor and slings an arm around his shoulder]
So you fulfilled my curse, eh? Come along, then. I've gotta hear all about that one.....
[Eol drags Tuor away for a chat]

-x-

Beleg:
[sulking]

Thingol:
All right. Whatever's got your panties in a twist can't possibly be worse than all the sh1t we've had to experience.

Beleg:
You don't understand. I've lost my partner, the person I've had a crush on for whole 25 years.

Thingol:
That's a mere fraction of Elven lifespan. When you're reincarnated, you'll find someone new.

Beleg:
There won't be anyone else but Turin. There isn't anyone in the world like Turin. And he is gone beyond the Circles of the World, and so I'll never see him again.

Thingol:
Quit your whining. It doesn't suit you. I have lost my daughter and my son-in-law, and my grandchildren, and all of my descendants. Your loss is nothing compared to what I went through.

[To be continued]