Survivor: Surviving the Minor Works

[littlemanpoet]

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

How about a vote for Niggle in return for an agreement to lay off Smith for another day?

That works for me.

-- BADGER
++ NIGGLE

[Alcarillo]

++Badger

To cause a double-eviction on the island, mwahahaha.

[Diamond18]

Not quite, Alc

Niggle: 4 votes

Badger: 3 votes

Smith of Wootton Major: 1 vote

And so, Niggle was turned over to some men in suits, who made him take a long journey full of metaphorical mishmash that Diamond never had much patience for anyway....


Day the Twenty-Seventh finds 17 contestants remaining:


The Major Minor Works

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
Chrysophylax Dives
The Parson
Master Cook Rider
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Nell
Queen of Faerie

The More Minor Minor Works

Goldberry
Badger
Fíriel
The Wizard Artaxerxes
Moon-dog
Mr. Day
Teddy
Bruno

[The Saucepan Man]

We have a problem here. Viewers are turning off in their droves because the show is becoming too whimsical. Not at all how a reality show should be. And the contestants are failing all their tasks and likely to starve to death due to a excess of dreamers over practical types (balance in all things ...).

The reason? The influence of Smith of Wootton Major (the book) is too strong.

The solution? Eliminate a character from that book. Preferably a whimsical one.

Now, I agreed with lmp not to vote for Smith himself today.

So ...

+ + Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie

[Celuien]

I guess the time has come. Sorry, TORE.

++ ALF

Reasoning from before applies.

[Anguirel]

Why get rid of scary Elf kings when you can scrap whining young women?

++NELL

[Tuor in Gondolin]

+ + NELL

Not only whining but in a future
life Dudley Doright's girlfriend.

[Bêthberry]

How many of us know who Dudley Doright is?

But it seems the bell knells for the belle Nell.

++ NELL

By the by, if anyone is starving, it is due to that cook. He should be the next to go.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Why not scrap

++Master Cook Rider

if it must be a character from Smith? He's a rather marginal person in that story. There are few enough females around anymore, so keep Nell, is my opinion. Or have you gents forgotten that it takes two genders to survive as a race??!

[Anguirel]

Ha ha! Patronising support of women! I cry sexual discrimination!

Women of the Downs, prove your empowerment by voting for someone with no merits at all despite her being one of the Universal Sisterhood! Don't protect her purely by dint of her chromosomes!

Feminists, to arms! Down with the sappy demure child-bearer!

(Aside: men, get her. One woman down, three to go...)

[littlemanpoet]

Alf was not whimsical!

Fool of a SaucePanakeia!

He was the mover and shaker in the whole story! To miss that is to roll in pig slop and love it! Here. Have some pearls.

The most whimsical and useless character in the Smith story was, I agree with Estelyn,

++Master Cook Rider

Join forces to relieve Wootton of deadwood! Ride the man down!

[Alcarillo]

Originally Posted by Diamond

Not quite, Alc

What? Ack! Foiled again, but not this time...

++Master Cook Rider

For general minorness as a major-minor character.

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by littlemanpoet

Fool of a SaucePanakeia!

So you've noticed that she's been slipping out of Mordor lately?

But...but...Alf is Alf! The fuzzy brown alien thing with a talk show on TV Land. I can't stand that show, even before Alf got a talk show. Never could. What a disgraceful way for Alf the Prentice to behave a few centuries later.

Sorry, but I'll have to stand behind this vote.

Oh. And I declare Alf the candidate for all Whovians on this side of the pond. How can we allow the annoying Alf have a show when the Doctor is gone?

[Diamond18]

Originally Posted by Estelyn Telcontar

Or have you gents forgotten that it takes two genders to survive as a race??!

I do think you're right, Esty. I can think of many reasons to vote off Nell but the fact that she was a mother is not one of them.

By the by, Ang, I quite don't follow your logic. Any true (or intelligent) feminist wouldn't savagely turn on one of her own sex based on the fact that she's put her reproductive system to use. And the prospect of allowing a dude to call us to arms to castigate one of our own for her not-maleness... ha ha! Foolish indeed for females to call pretending they're not females "empowerment." If only we could make it so men had to do the child-bearing, but alas, I'll wager you lads couldn't handle it....

But no one listen to me, I'm just the mod overseeing you tumultuous lot.

[Bêthberry]

Ah, dearie me, Possums! I see that Esty et al have not waited for tomorrow to turf out this cookish monster, as I suggested, but acted upon the suggestion this very day. Well, who am I to ignore my own bandwagon. I shall update my vote.

-- Nell

++ Master Cook Rider

[Diamond18]

There was a calculated attack on the SoWM characters day twenty-seven, but only one bit the bullet:

Master Cook Rider: 4 votes

Nell: 2 votes

Alf, King of Faerie: 2 votes


And so Rider bit the bullet. Literally. Someone baked a bullet into his cake and when he bit down, his head exploded, leaving bits of brain and bread all over the place.


Day the Twenty-Eighth finds 16 contestants remaining:


The Major Minor Works

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
Chrysophylax Dives
The Parson
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Nell
Queen of Faerie

The More Minor Minor Works

Goldberry
Badger
Fíriel
The Wizard Artaxerxes
Moon-dog
Mr. Day
Teddy
Bruno

[Formendacil]

Well, I've seen this guy's name up for eviction several times, but I have yet to see him actually voted off.

A favoured candidate, perhaps?

Well, we all know I won't stand for that. (Except in the case of Smith, but SPM's devotion to getting RID of him is a comparable situation.)

There is only one thing to do:

++ The Wizard Artaxerxes

For borrowing a Biblical name... May as well have called him "Paul" or "Joseph" or "Pilate"... Very lazy, Tolkien, very lazy indeed.

[Anguirel]

Originally Posted by Formendacil

++ The Wizard Artaxerxes

For borrowing a Biblical name...

Smirk, smirk. Your Bible isn't the origin of everything it pinches. Our Great Kings were called Artaxerxes before the Scriptures were even conceived!

For the glory of Persia! Let's take down that silly Biblical plagiarist

++THE PARSON

in the name of the Prophet Zoroaster!

Let the priestling burn!

[Formendacil]

Originally Posted by Anguirel

Smirk, smirk. Your Bible isn't the origin of everything it pinches. Our Great Kings were called Artaxerxes before the Scriptures were even conceived!

For the glory of Persia! Let's take down that silly Biblical plagiarist

++THE PARSON

in the name of the Prophet Zoroaster!

Let the priestling burn!

The insinuation that I didn't know that is almost too much to bear... I think I shall go drown myself in a bowl of green jello.

Of course Artaxerxes is a name of Persian origin, used by various kings of that land- that's how it ended up in the Bible, after all. Just like Ar-Pharazôn was the name of a Númenorean king, and so ended up in the Akallabêth...

You should be on my side! Who is this profane wizard to be using a noble name of Ancient Persia?

(Not that I have any particular liking for the Parson.. I'd be more than happy to vote off the Parsley.. er, Parson- but tomorrow.)

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by lmp

Alf was not whimsical!

...

He was the mover and shaker in the whole story!

Eh? The story is whimsical. So, as the "mover and shaker", he must take responsibility.

Besides, he deserves to be evicted for being a "mover and shaker" in such a dreadfully dull story.

+ + Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by SPM

...such a dreadfully dull story.

Let's not push our point of agreement too far with attacks on a very lovely story, okay? Alf is welcome to go, but still.

++ALF

Again.

[Tuor of Gondolin]

+ + The Wizard Artaxerxes

Sure, this guy can intimidate toy dogs but what
about dealing with living creatures?
I've read about Radagast the Brown,
noted Radagast the Brown's abilities, and I
can tell you, Artaxerxes is no Radagast the Brown!

[Anguirel]

I wasn't aware being Radagast the Brown was an essential qualification for continuing in the show...we might as well evict, say, Smith of Wootton Major on the same basis...

Wizards are persecuted and few. Christians are many and muscular. Show religious enlightenment and help me evict the Parson today!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

For someone who has "Art" in his name, that wizard has no sense of aesthetic taste. Imagine choosing to patch his trousers with a piece of window-curtain, orange with black spots?! He's given patchwork a bad name, he has. For that atrocity alone I vote to remove

++Artaxerxes


As to the idea of expelling the Faerie King Alf just because some stupid alien later chose the same name - that's not his fault! He was there first...

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Celuien

Let's not push our point of agreement too far with attacks on a very lovely story, okay?

Sorry, Cel, but that's a matter of opinion. Farmer Giles of Ham has Knights, Dragons and Giants and a well-defined plot with an intriguing twist. What does Smith of Wootton Major offer? A Faerie King posing as a Pastry Chef and dreadfully dull dreamer who wanders inconsequentially around Faerie for a bit, neglecting his family. Nothing actually happens!

I cannot speak for the other tales.

I can understand why you and lmp were identified with Smith in that personality test. But, really, you both have more character in your little fingers than Smith developed over an entire tale.

And, as I said, I hold Alf, named as the "mover and shaker" in such a sorry tale, as responsible.

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by The Saucepan Man

I can understand why you and lmp were identified with Smith in that personality test. But, really, you both have more character in your little fingers than Smith developed over an entire tale.

Is it really that obvious? I can think of a few posts from the Books forum that would me away, but that's a little harder to pick up than my RL habits of daydreaming and wandering in the woods down the road from my house (which obviously isn't something known to most inhabitants of this forum. ) And I had no way of manipulating the results since I didn't read the story before taking the test!

The idea of going to Faerie resonates with me. I would love to have the chance to wander there, if only it truly did exist, and catch glimpses of a world filled with magic and beauty beyond what ordinary life has to offer. It's here in some way, I think, in the blue sky of a spring morning, the quiet of the woods, reflections of the autumn leaves in a lake. But not the same as visiting Faerie. That's the charm of Smith of Wootton Major, along with the bittersweet realization that the gift to visit can't be kept forever, and must ultimately be passed to the next person intended to have the rare privilege to go where few mortals can.

I still like Smith.

[Bêthberry]

He's remarkably close to the t'axe man and I dislike anyone who has an obligatory right to separate me from my money, especially this time of year--that I prefer to do myself.

+ + The Wizard Artaxerxes

[The Saucepan Man]

Originally Posted by Celuien

The idea of going to Faerie resonates with me. I would love to have the chance to wander there, if only it truly did exist, and catch glimpses of a world filled with magic and beauty beyond what ordinary life has to offer.

No doubt it would be delightful and charming, albeit somewhat perilous, if experienced in person. But, if I am to read about it, I would rather something, anything, interesting actually happened there.

And surely it cannot be denied that Smith's character development is virtually nil.

Perhaps that is the point. But it just doesn't appeal to me. I would rather tales of dragons to be fought, rings to be destroyed and treasure to be won than an account of some dull chap's uneventful travels in Faerie.

[Alcarillo]

++The Wizard Artaxerxes

May the Persian be stuffed, skinned, and put on display!

[Celuien]

I suppose my sympathies with the character Smith and a wish for enchantment allow me to overlook perceived flaws in the tale.

Regarding the irritating furball known as Alf: it isn't necessarily my theory that the identical names are mere coincidence. Rather, I suspect that Alf the Prentice underwent a metamorphosis into the alien creature at some point, perhaps after reading too much Kafka.

[Diamond18]

Ataxerxes: 5 votes

Alf: 2 votes

The Parson: 1 vote

And so, to please the masses, Ataxerxes was stuffed, skinned, and put on display. Not necessarily in that order.


Day the Twenty-Ninth finds 15 contestants remaining:


The Major Minor Works

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
Chrysophylax Dives
The Parson
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Nell
Queen of Faerie

The More Minor Minor Works

Goldberry
Badger
Fíriel
Moon-dog
Mr. Day
Teddy
Bruno

[Formendacil]

++ The Parson

So that it's MY bandwaggon, not Anguirel's today.

[Anguirel]

++NELL

Empty-headed subjugated breeder. Might as well be a blimmin rabbit.

[Celuien]

++ MOON-DOG

Alien dogs and alien Kings of Faerie. This show has far too many bizarre extraterrestrials. As my efforts to evict Alf seem doomed for the present, I'm switching to his alien colleague until conditions improve for my true target's removal.

(PS Cats are far more adorable. )

[Tuor of Gondolin]

Decisions. Decisions.

Well, + + The Parson
for the rather illogical reason that I keep
picturing him as the churchmen in the
musical Oliver (at the beginning of
the Artful Dodger's"Consider Yourself at Home"
song, who hop up and down leaving the church).

(And isn't it sad Jack Wild passed away recently
at age 53). http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0928349/

[Estelyn Telcontar]

That adorable kitty picture decides it for me - I'm going to jump on your bandwagon, Celuien, for though I have a dog who faithfully gets me out and walking every day, Moon-dogs are something completely different.

++Moon-dog

[littlemanpoet]

Sorry to have missed the vote yesterday, but mine would have made 6 against that insufferable wizard who really needed to go. Glad to see him gone.

++ MOON DOG

Don't think there are any fire hydrants on the moon, so this will put him out of his misery.

[Celuien]

Originally Posted by Estelyn Telcontar

That adorable kitty picture decides it for me - I'm going to jump on your bandwagon, Celuien, for though I have a dog who faithfully gets me out and walking every day, Moon-dogs are something completely different.

Why, thank you!

Though I prefer cats, I like dogs - other than the one that tore my sled to bits while I was riding it and threatened to do the same to me. And indeed, this Moon-dog is no true canine. A good dog wouldn't flightily flee to the Moon, but would loyally remain on solid ground.

[The Only Real Estel]

I'll have to side with Celuien (no thanks to her hate-motivated campaign against poor Alf) and vote:

++ Moon Dog

The first reason being: I was going to vote that way anyway, so I'm not really siding with Cel anyways.

The second reason being: Well, we already evicted most of the other dogs on not much reasoning, might as well finish another off.

The third being there was only enough room for one "Moon" character in this challenge - The Man In-the-Moon - who's long since gone.

And lastly, "Moon" has such a negative connotation these days...

[Alcarillo]

++Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)

For the excessively grand name and his anakronistic blunderbuss. And also for issuing a law against unpleasant prophecy once he became king. Unpleasant prophecies are very useful. If you hear a prophecy telling that, say, your city is about to be besieged for ten years, then you'll have time to gather enough food before your enemies arrive. Or if a disastrous earthquake is predicted, you'll know that you should evacuate. Forbidding these prophecies is a dangerous thing!

So down with the blunderbuss-toting, Latin-named, forbidder of useful warnings!