Be careful what you wish for...

[Ordimor]

OOPs, forgot to make a wish.

I wish that Aragorn would wash his hair. I mean c'mon now - this whole slogan of his "I wash it once a year if it needs it or not" is way not cool

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Ordimor

I wish that Aragorn would wash his hair. I mean c'mon now - this whole slogan of his "I wash it once a year if it needs it or not" is way not cool

Granted. But as he washes his hair it all falls out and he becomes bald. No one recognises him and Arwen runs away from him. In despair he throws himself off a cliff and so no longer helps Middle Earth to overthrow Middle Earth. Sorry folks.

I wish Radagast had helped the Fellowship more.

[HerenIstarion]

I wish Radagast had helped the Fellowship more.

Your wish is granted. Radagast provides oliphaunts as beasts of burden and steeds for the Fellowship, including White Oliphaunt for Gandalf to ride on. Unfortunately, Fellowship's journey is turned into blundering and making noise like, well, elephants, that all servants of Sauron can hear a mile off, so the Quest fails...

I wish Blue Wizards would send a word to the Council of Elrond about their doings

[Bêthberry]

Originally Posted by HerenIstarion

I wish Blue Wizards would send a word to the Council of Elrond about their doings

As you wish . . .

However, the word the mysterious wizards send is indeed blue, and so shocked are the participants at the uncharacteristic, unTolkien-like language that they immediately cancel the Council in shock and embarassment and disperse. Thus, no decision is made on how to carry the Ring south. It becomes a museum piece, exhibited beside the shards of Narsil in a display somewhat jokingly entitled "Master Elrond's Wax Museum of Horrors."

I wish that Saruman had never learned to read.

[Farael]

Originally Posted by Bêthberry

I wish that Saruman had never learned to read.

Granted!... next....

Oh, yeah, regarding your wish.... now it happened that Saruman had not learned to read. That is, until he run into treebeard in the forest, who took him as a student. Being Saruman incredibly smart and Treebeard incredibly knowledgeable, Saruman learned from him how to speak and read all the languages in Middle Earth. In the process Treebeard and Saruman became best friends, a friendship that no amount of wood-destroying or hobbit-induced exitement would change. The Entrs never march to war, but rather Treebeard surrenders Merry and Pippin to Saruman, who tortures them until finding out the whereabouts of Frodo, finds him and gets the ring to become Saruman the allmighty, taking over Middle Earth

Fortunately, Saruman happened to be a good ruler.... oh, wait, that's another thraed

I wish Bombur had joined the fellowship of the ring

[HerenIstarion]

I wish Bombur had joined the fellowship of the ring

Granted. Unfortunately, being already very fat and heavy, Bombur should be carried by four young dwarves, and since agreed number of Fellowship is nine, hobbits and Gandalf are excluded. Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas and six dwarves set out, but never reach Mordor - hungry Bombur, having eaten all the provisions, eats firts Legolas, than Boromir, than Aragorn, than his four porters and Gimli and finally the Ring. Though Rings of Power are said to be destroyable in Dragon-fire only, dwarven gastric juices offer acid strong enough for One Ring to be melted, Middle-Earth is saved, Arwen stays immortal, Denethor remains the Steward and everybody but for the eaten and their relatives (who mourn just a little) lives happily ever after.

I wish orks would repent and be pardoned

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Your wish is my command.

Unfortunately, due to the confusion over where Orcs come from in the first place, the granting of this wish causes Ea to vanish into a gaping plot hole. With no reality from which he can be excluded, Morgoth is free to build his own planet, which he peoples with more Orcs. He deliberately keeps their origins a secret.

I wish that more of the Book of Mazarbul was recorded in the Red Book

[Ordimor]

Originally Posted by The Squatter of Amon Rûdh

I wish that more of the Book of Mazarbul was recorded in the Red Book

............ *** POP *** >>>> It's done!


After Gandalf discovers the Book of Mazarbul in Balin's Chamber and gives it to Gimli, it is carried out of Moria. At Parth Galen, Gimli falsely (somewhat) believes that the Fellowship will be destroyed and decides that the best chance for survival of some part of the already mostly destroyed book is to divide the remaining legible pages amongst the company. So few were the pieces that each member received less than 5 pages.

When Frodo decided to sit down and write out his adventures in the Red Book of Westmarch, he remembered something that Gimli had given him. He went to his chest and retrieved the pages. Sadly only one page survived the arduous journey that it had been through. Frodo translated and copied the text word for word into the Red Book. After doing so he finally realized what the words meant. As such, he followed the print word for word and afterwards was extremely satisfied!

And that's where the recipe for Matzo-Ball soup came from.



I wish that Mel Brooks would have done a version of LOTR.

[Kitanna]

Originally Posted by Ordimor

I wish that Mel Brooks would have done a version of LOTR.

Granted! And the end result? Well for one thing Denethor's death stays exactly the same. There's a wedding scene using the same priest from Spaceballs. Gandalf is replaced by a Jewish Rabbi. And there's a big musical number with Gandalf and the Balrog having a tap dancing contest.

I wish the Ents had come to help defend Minas Tirith.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish the Ents had come to help defend Minas Tirith.

Granted. However, they defend it by throwing bits of it at the Orcs until its no longer worth defending.

I wish the Barrow Wights had decided to help the Hobbits after Tom came.

[Farael]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish the Barrow Wights had decided to help the Hobbits after Tom came.

Alright, we mix in some Shelob legs, add just a bit of hobbit feet hair and mix it all on molten lava from Mt. Doom and voila!! your wish is granted.

But there was one small inconvenience. The Barrow Wights were really mad at the army of the dead that Argorn uses to drive away the enemies during the siege of Minas Tirith and when Argorn goes to make the army of the dead fight for him they say "not with those whights we are not!" and vanish into a thick mist. The fellowship gets lost in the mist until they starve to death (all but the Barrow Wights who starve back to life) and become part of the armies of the dead.

I wish Gandalf could change into a big eye made of water rather than fire

[Farael]

did I kill this thread hope not....

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Gandalf could change into a big eye made of water rather than fire

Granted. However, he soon evaporates and everyone laughs at him. In shame, Gandalf returns to Valinor and hides in a little cottage in the country.

I wish Gandalf kept a large supply of food inside his hat.

[Kitanna]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish Gandalf kept a large supply of food inside his hat.

Granted! And how wonderful it is! Instead of the Fellowship carrying packs of food, they stick it all in Gandalf's hat. For a while this goes great for them. Though a few arguments break out when Gandalf is sleeping about who should retrieve the hat or arguments about who gets to guard the hat while Gandalf is sleeping, for the most part the food storing hat works well. Until of course Gandalf and his hat fall in Moria. With no food, the Fellowship starves to death before reaching Lothlorien. All except Gimli that is. After the first Hobbit died he ate him without telling the others. When Aragorn asked what happened to the Hobbit Gimli just said "He fell down a well."

I wish Saruman was a giant panda.

[Farael]

Originally Posted by Kitanna

I wish Saruman was a giant panda.

Deal! and as you just got murdered by a hero in Werewolf:The villagers strike back I shall do it for free.

After defeating Saruman's army in Helm's Deep Gandalf rides to Isengard to confront the former white wizard. When he gets there, he finds a cute panda sitting atop Treebeard. The Ent explained it was actually Saruman, who was trying to cast a spell to bring pandemonium to the Rohan troops but messed up something and got himself transformed into a panda instead. Gandalf started arguing with the now-panda wizard yet Treebeard snapped at Gandalf, for pandas were endangered species in Middle Earth too. When Gandalf kept on interrogating Saruman Treebeard lost his patience and hastily smacked Gandalf, Aragorn and everyone else (even the hobbits) to the ground. That was the end of the hopes for Minas Tirith, Frodo did destroy the ring only to find that the world had been taken over by Sauron.

I wish Aragorn had been a werewolf!

[arcticstorm]

your wish is granted, unfortunately, he was not a very good werewolf and he is lynched by the vilagers on day 1
Because of this, Gondor never again has a king.

I wish a army of trolls fought alongside the rohirrim at helm's deep.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish a army of trolls fought alongside the rohirrim at helm's deep.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately the trolls got hungry and ate most of the Rohirrim (And Legolas.) But Minas Tirith was saved by the Ents and Huorns. But Eomer was killed after only six months as King fighting the Trolls in the caverns of Helm's Deep. Thus Faramir became King of the Rohirrim.

I wish Bakshi had done Pt. 2 of Lord of the Rings.

[The Elf-warrior]

Anybody want to take a stab at it?

Edit: 500th post! Yippee!

[Farael]

Originally Posted by The Elf-warrior

Anybody want to take a stab at it?

Edit: 500th post! Yippee!

I would, but I have no idea who Bakashi may be.... if you make another wish I'll do it

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by The Elf-warrior

I wish Bakshi had done Pt. 2 of Lord of the Rings.

Your wish is granted. However, he makes more changes than Peter Jackson did. In fact, despite being under the title of 'The Lord of the Rings' it is, in fact, just his grandmother rambling for three hours about the one time she found a penny under the sink.

I wish Frodo had grown a new finger after Gollum bit the old one off.

[Eonwe]

Originally Posted by Hookbill

I wish Frodo had grown a new finger after Gollum bit the old one off.

Your wish beith grantedith! Unfortunatley, the finger has a mind of its own, and strangled Frodo!

I wish Tulkas would have come and challenged Morgoth to single combat so Fingolfin wouldn't have to die.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Tulkas would have come and challenged Morgoth to single combat so Fingolfin wouldn't have to die.

Your wish is granted. But Tulkas fought without a sword and was sliced and diced by Morgoth. The Valar were enraged and did the War of Wrath years early. Earendil never became a star and so Galadriel gave Frodo a flashlight which didn't stop Shelob from eating Frodo and Sam. Gollum only had his Precious a few days before a Ringwraith found him.

I wish Gollum had repented and confessed that he was leading the Hobbits into a trap.

Note: Ralph Bakshi is a director of mostly animated films. He made an animated version of Lord of the Rings which was supposed to be in two parts but the second part was never made. link

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by The Elf-warrior

I wish Gollum had repented and confessed that he was leading the Hobbits into a trap.

Granted. However, The Hobbits feel so happy for Gollum that they throw him a party in the middle of Mordor and Sam invites some Orcs that were passing. They are soon captured and thrown in prison with the ring taken off them. Frodo goes mad and kills Sam and Gollum, then himself. Sauron takes over Middle Earth and everyone is enslaved. Even Gandalf, who has his cloak glued to his skin.

I wish that Helm's Deep had not had a hole blown in it.

[Farael]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish that Helm's Deep had not had a hole blown in it.

Granted!! although what most people are not aware of is that Saruman blew that hole at the request of Gandalf (who had ridden like crazy all night to ask him this) for Helm's Deep had been hermetically closed and it had been slowly filling up with inert gases until the pressure was so high it would have crushed a grown up dwarf. This is why, when the wall was slightly breached (as was the original plan) the escaping gas suddenly ignited and blew half the wall off.

I wish Aragorn had been one of the Istari

[Formendacil]

Originally Posted by Farael

I wish Aragorn had been one of the Istari

Foolish, foolish Farael!

For Aragorn to be an Istari, that means that his REAL father was not Arathorn- but Gandalf! Which explains the closeness of the two, to be sure, but this has drastic consequences, for Aragorn no longer has a claim to any thrones, nor does he have the Sword-that-was-broken, or the "Hands of the King that are the Hands of a Healer".

The story goes as normal, but no King means that Faramir, Eowyn, and Merry die. Gandalf, not Aragorn, looks into the Palantir, and the battle at the Black Gate is a massacre. After the inevitable destruction of the Ring, Gondor is in shambles, its remnants ruled by the House of Dol Amroth. Rohan has lost half it's men, and there is no king to reunite the Realms.

Aragorn, being half-Maia, goes with Arwen to Valinor, and is still there with her today.

I wish that Merry and Pippin were actually one character...

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish that Merry and Pippin were actually one character...

Your wish is granted and this composite character had two personalities, Pippin and Merry. Instead of Merry Glorfindel was a member of the Fellowship of the Ring. So instead of the Three Hunters it was the Four Hunters. Also Glorfindel won the Orc killing contest with 45. But Faramir was burned to death because Meregrin (Actually named Peregrin) went with the Rohirrim (Pippin thought better of looking in the Palantir and put it back.) Eowyn ended up marrying the Prince of Dol Amroth.

I wish Gollum was the Phantom of the Opera.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by The Elf-warrior

I wish Gollum was the Phantom of the Opera.

Granted. Yet strangely, there appears to be no effect on him. Save, perhaps, a strange craving for a Church Organ.

I wish Grond's head was a big thumbs up instead of a wolf

[Kitanna]

Originally Posted by Hookbill the Goomba

I wish Grond's head was a big thumbs up instead of a wolf

And thus it was, Grond is now a thumb's up! And everyone in Gondor is caught off guard, how's that for the element of surprise?


I wish dwarves danced the can-can.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

Originally Posted by Kitanna

I wish dwarves danced the can-can.

Can-can was now a thing all dwarves learned at the age of 5, temples was build to honor the can-can god and special can-can soldiers was trained. The Valar found that this was very silly and killed off all the dwarves.


I wish that all Hobbits were Ninjas and named Josti

[Farael]

Originally Posted by Rune Son of Bjarne

I wish that all Hobbits were Ninjas and named Josti

Great! now the hobbits are not only ring-resistant, small and sneaky but they are also extremely skillful Ninjas.... but there is one problem. As you wished, they are all called Josti. How could THAT be a problem? well... Josti was the one chosen to carry the ring.... and so Gandalf, who had not seen Josti for the longest time, asked some random hobbit where Josti lived. He went over to find that "Bag-end" (now known as Josti's house) had changed quite a bit.... it certainly had, as it is was not Bag-end but rather some other Josti's house. This Josti turned out to be the odd evil hobbit and gave the ring to Sauron for the modest price of a shipload of weed pipe. The world was covered in a second darkness until the end of the days. Now-a-days that darkness is called "Capitalism" (to honour Rune's seemily communist trends)

I wish Samwise Gamgee had been a Middle-Earth renowned soccer player

[Boromir88]

I wish Samwise Gamgee had been a Middle-Earth renowned soccer player

Your wish is granted. Samwise Gamgee becomes the greatest soccer player ever-known, he even surpasses the great tales of the legendary David Beckham. But, Sam now has no time to fiddle around and be Frodo's servant and companion so when the decision comes and Gandalf tells Sam to travel with Frodo. Sam, being so great and mighty tells the old fool to buzz off and Frodo dies before he meets Tom Bombadil and Sauron conquers Middle-earth.

I wish Denethor was Isildur's heir and Aragorn was the Steward of Gondor.

[arcticstorm]

Originally Posted by Boromir88

I wish Denethor was Isildur's heir and Aragorn was the Steward of Gondor.

your wish is granted: aragorn is not stupid enought ot commit suicide and as a result, at denethor's return to claim the throne, civil war ensues as to who is the rightful rular of Gondor. sauron sits back and laughs because this squabble prevented the diversion at the black gate, FInally 50 years later when the Gondorians are completely decimated at eachother's hands, sauron come in with two small batallions of snagas and wipes gondor off the face of middle earth.

I wish that Bilbo would have been married

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish that Bilbo would have been married

Your wish is granted. But his wife couldn't keep the Ring a secret and told Lobelia about it.

I wish Bilbo was an opera singer.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by The Elf-warrior

I wish Bilbo was an opera singer.

Granted. But he is not very good at it and is broken hearted when he doesn’t get a part in 'The Hobbit: The Opera'. So he commits suicide a week before Drogo and his wife die. Shame.

I wish Gandalf was dressed as a clown during the siege of Gondor.

[Valier]

I wish Gandalf was dressed as a clown during the siege of Gondor

Your wish is granted. But the clown suit didn't last long,because Ganndie could't find a suitable hat to match,and he thought the suit made is beard look weird.

I wish that Aragorn snorted like a pig when he laughed,which he would do alot!

[Farael]

Originally Posted by Valier

I wish that Aragorn snorted like a pig when he laughed,which he would do alot!

Granted! Sadly, Arwen was Jewish and pigs are not Kosher (edible according to jewish law). Yet Arwen had a secret craving for pig meat, which was made worse by Aragorn's constant pig-snorting. To make a long (even for elvish standards) story short, she dumped him on a rainy day on the steps of Minas Tirith.

I wish that when Arwen goes to Gondor after the end of the war of the Ring, she has gained LOTS of weight

[Formendacil]

Originally Posted by Farael

I wish that when Arwen goes to Gondor after the end of the war of the Ring, she has gained LOTS of weight

Lots of weight, you say?

Does a tonne sound about right?

So Arwen shows up in Gondor with an extra tonne. However, Elves don't getter fatter when they get heavier, merely denser. Therefore, Arwen LOOKED the same, so Aragorn didn't notice anything- until their wedding day, when she jumped into his arms for him to carry across the threshold of the citadel.

It was a disaster. Aragorn broke both arms, as well as his back, rendering him a paraplegic- thus leaving the care of the realm to Faramir. Arwen was too embarrassed to ever appear in public again. Elrond and the other Elves were mortally embarrassed as well, disappearing in the night, and thus not allowing Elrond and Arwen to have their poignant good-bye.

I wish Galadriel had a mustache....

[Kitanna]

Originally Posted by Formendacil

I wish Galadriel had a mustache....

Grossly granted.

The Lady Galadriel now has a mustache and upon seeing her the Hobbits have the great idea of starting a Middle-Earth Freak show, including the bearded elf, the greasy king, and Gimli. Of course with the Lady's facial hair, Gimli falls even more in love with her. They run away from the freak show together and elope, one moving to Bree where they can live in peace.

I wish Thorin hadn't died in battle.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Originally Posted by Kitanna

I wish Thorin hadn't died in battle.

Woosh! Your wish is granted! Thorin doesn’t die in battle. Instead, he dies of alcohol poisoning at the party the next day. Bilbo is told he died in battle.

I wish Théoden's horse, Snowmane, had eaten the Witch King's steed.

[narfforc]

I wish it was real, apart from the Elves, the filthy Tarks, oh and them tree thingies, and that damn meddling wizard, not forgetting them little rat-men from the north. But above all, I wish that the nice Mr Sauron was still alive