other movie scenes in LOTR

[Diamond18]

Oh, yes. Tha' was good...let's get anotha'. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

Only read this following epic if you watched "Signs". 'Cause that's what this is: LotR meets M. Night Shayamalan's "Signs".

Scene One: Gandalf and Frodo are in Bag-end. Gandalf takes the Ring out of the fireplace and offers it to Frodo:

Gandalf: Hold out your hand, Frodo. It is quite cool. What can you see? Can you see anything?
Frodo: Nothing. There's nothing. Wait... There are markings. It's some form of Elvish. I can't read it.
Gandalf: There are few who can. The language is that of Mordor, which I will not utter here.
Frodo: Mordor?
Gandalf: In the common tongue, it says "One Ring To Bring Them All, And In The Darkness Bind Them." It is only two lines of a verse long known in Elvish lore
Frodo: That's ridiculous. How can you possibly know that information? What else does it say?

Gandalf: Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne,
In the land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to Rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

Frodo: Gandalf, this Ring stuff is just about a bunch of nerdy Elves who never had a girlfriend their lives. They're like three-thousand-years-old now. They make up secret languages and analyze mythology and make secret societies where other guys who never had girlfriends can join in. They do stupid crap like this to feel special. It's a scam. Elves were doin' it an Age ago and the same Elves are doing it again.

Gandalf: Nay, Frodo. This is the One Ring. For sixty years, the Ring lay quiet in Bilbo's keeping, prolonging his life, delaying old age. But no longer, Frodo. Evil is stirring in Mordor. The Ring has awoken. It's heard its Master's call.

Frodo: Gandalf, you're going to feel stupid when this turns out to be all make believe.

Gandalf: No, Frodo. It’s true; the Elves are right. Sauron has returned. His Orcs have multiplied. His fortress of Barad-Dur is rebuilt in the land of Mordor. Sauron needs only this Ring to cover all the lands with a second darkness. He is seeking it, seeking it, all his thought is bent on it. The Ring yearns to go home, to return to the hand of its Master. They are one, the Dark Lord and the Ring. Frodo, he must never find it.

There is a rustle in the bushes outside:
Sam: Why couldn’t they get girlfriends?

Gandalf pulls him inside: Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee! Have you been eavesdropping? But there is no time to loose, you two must set out on a perilous journey and meet me in Bree at the Prancing Pony Inn. Now move, Hobbits... Vamanos!

Scene Two: Frodo and Sam meet up with Merry and Pippin, and encounter the Black Rider. Terrified, they high-tail it to Bree, where they meet Strider. Once they decide that he is "on their side" they tell him about the mysterious Black Rider:

Strider: Did you get a clear look at this Rider?
Frodo: No, he rode off before I saw him.
Srtider: How do you know it was a him?
Frodo: Well, this Rider was really fast.
Strider: I've seen many fast female riders. The female Elven jockeys in the Imladris Olympics are really fast.
Frodo: OK, well, besides the possibility that an Olympian Elf-Maiden Jockey was chasing us, who would you say it was?
Strider: They were once men - great kings of men. Then Sauron the deceiver gave to them nine rings of power. Blinded by their greed, they took them without question. One by one they've fallen into darkness. Now they are slaves to his will. They are the Nazgul, Ringwraiths, neither living nor dead. At all times they feel the presence of the Ring, drawn to the power of the One. They will never stop hunting you.

Frodo: You’re scaring the other hobbits.
Other Hobbits: We’re already scared.

Scene Three: Our Dauntless Heroes decide to leave Bree and head for Rivendell. They camp at a place called Weathertop one night. While Frodo sleeps the other Hobbits build a fire: Frodo awakes and puts it out, but it is too late; Black Riders are seen riding towards the hill.

Frodo: Don’t panic, we can handle them.
Sam: What are we going to do?
Merry: Act angry, that will scare them.
Pippin: Curse or something.
Sam: I don’t know...it don’t sound right when I curse...it don’t sound natural.
Pippin: I don’t care, you gotta do it.
Sam: What should I say?
Merry: I don't know, be angry!

The Ringwraiths approach and draw their swords:

Merry: I'M VERY ANGRY!!
Pippin: I’m gonna kick your asses in!!
Sam: Yeah, there's gonna be an asswhoopin'!
Merry: I AM INSANE WITH ANGER!
Sam: I cursed.
Pippin: I heard.

Unfortunately, this admirable bravado is for naught, and Frodo gets stabbed. Luckily, Strider aka Aragorn comes to the rescue, and they make a journey to the Troll Shaws, where they meet up with beautiful Olympian Elf-Maiden Jockey Arwen Evenstar.

Arwen: What’s this, a Ranger caught off his guard? And where are the Hobbits?
Aragorn: Oh, I left them in the Troll Shaw, I thought that they all needed to just calm down and eat some fruit or something. I figured they should be playing "Furry, Furry Rabbits" or something.
Arwen: What's "Furry, Furry Rabbits"?
Aragorn: It's a game, isn't it?
Arwen: Never mind, I’m going to go save Frodo and you can stay here and play "Furry, Furry Rabbits" if you want.

Aragorn follows Arwen’s suggestion, and Arwen continues on to the Ford with Frodo. Once safely in Rivendell, Frodo wakes up to find Gandalf and Sam by his bedside:

Sam: There are many things that I can take, Frodo. But what I can't take is when my Master, who's everything that I want to be, starts turning into a Wraith. I saw that look in your eyes last night. I don't ever want to see that look in your eyes again.

Frodo: I was frightened of the Ringwraith too, Sam. I had the distinct feeling that it wanted to hurt me. *sighs* I wish the Ring had never come to me, Gandalf; I wish none of this had ever happened.

Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All that you can decide is was to do with the time that is given to you. So you just have to ask yourself what kind of person are you. Are you the type that sees signs? Sees miracles? Or do you think that people just get lucky? Maybe there are no coincidences. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring, in which case you also were meant to have it.

Sam: Oh, I’m the kind that believes in miracles. See, one time, I was at this party... and I was sitting on the couch with Rosie Cotton. She was just sitting there, looking beautiful, and staring at me. So, I lean in to kiss her, and I realize I have pipeweed in my mouth. So, I turn to spit it out and put it in a little paper cup that was sitting by the couch. I turn back, and Rosie Cotton throws up all over herself. I knew the moment it happened, it was a miracle. I could have been kissing her when she threw up. It would have scarred me for life. I may never have recovered.

The End.

[ November 21, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[ November 21, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[ November 21, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[ November 21, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

Why are you looking at all the times I edited?

[ November 21, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[Nimrothiel]

LOL! Pretty good, a little rough but nobody's perfect. Let's try somehting from James Bond, shall we?

(Frodo and the other three hobbits at the Prancing Pony)

Random Hobbit to Frodo: I haven't seen you in here before. Who are you?

Frodo: The name's Bag... I mean UNDERHILL, Frodo UNDERHILL.

[Sapphire_Flame]

LOL!!!!! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
*~*~

Sauron: Suddenly I feel...really, really good.
Nazgul #3: I'm sorry, Master.
Sauron: It'll pass, it'll pass.
~Time Bandits

Frodo: You mean you knew what was happening to us that whole time?
Gandalf: Of course. I am a Supreme Being; I'm not entirely dim.
~Time Bandits

[Nimrothiel]

Lol! Okay, I just want to see if anyone can picture this:

Arwen and Eowyn acting out the fight scene in The Mummy Returns.

For some reason, I find that funny. Oh well, mabye I'm just twisted. [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

[Mintyztwin]

HAHAHA! Verrrry funny! Verrrrry funny! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Sauron to wraiths. "Ringwraiths 1-9! Come! Let us scheme!"

~ Babes in Toyland. I know, not very funny, but I LOVE THAT LINE!!!

Wouldn't Legolas and Gimli look great in the Men In Black suits? [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[TealDude3]

Forest Gump

Sam: This is it. If I take one more step, it will be the farthest away from home I've ever been.
Frodo: Come on Sam. Remember what Bilbo use to say, "Life is like a book of chocolates, you never know which one your gonna get."

[mordor136]

How about another Monty Python one then.
this is a scene imitating the opening scene of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

FRODO: "You there will you let us into fair Rivendell?"

ELF: Whats that you've got there?"

FRODO: "It is a ring"

ELF: " Where did you get it"

FRODO: "We found it"

ELF: "Rings are from the south down in Mordor how did it get all the way up here?"

FRODO:" Hobbits may go south to warmer climates in the winter"

ELF: "Are you suggesting rings migrate?"

Of course it goes on from here but I dont feel like typing it all. [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

[Sapphire_Flame]

LOL!!!!!! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] Hang on, I thought of some more:

Witch-king: You better watch out. I eat pieces of scum like you for breakfast.
Eowyn/Dernhelm: <snork> You eat pieces of scum for breakfast?
Witch-king: [v. flustered]...No...[shifty eye thing]...Shut up!
~Happy Gilmore

Merry: Pippin! That's not meant to be eaten!
Pippin: You never know until you've eaten it.
~Time Bandits

Hee hee hee..... [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[ December 06, 2002: Message edited by: Sapphire_Flame ]

[Mintyztwin]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! LOL!!! That was great!!!! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Hmmm . . . From The Emperor's New Groove:

Boromir: They have a cave troll!

Gimli: Lemme guess, huge, brawny muscles?

B: Yep.

G: Sharp jagged teeth?

B: Most likely.

G: Bring it on. Boooyahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[Dorathain_Flamesword]

(Dumb and Dumber)

(Aragorn and the Hobbits in Bree at the Prancing Pony.)

(Pippin knocks his walking stick off the table.)

Merry: Uh-oh.

Pippin: What's the matter?

Merry: You dropped your walking stick. That's bad luck. We're traveling across Middle-Earth and the last thing we need is bad luck. Quickly, toss your walking stick over your right shoulder.

(Pippin grabs his walking stick from the ground and with a mighty throw, tosses it over his right shoulder. A thunk could be heard. All was silent.)

Male voice: What in the of Middle-Earth was that?!

Merry: Or was it the left shoulder?

(A tall man, more than three times the size of Merry and Pippin standing on each other's shoulders walked up to the table. Frodo and Sam chuckled and they kept their faces in their pints.)

Male voice: Who's the dead man that hit me with the piece of wood?

(Merry held his hand up high, pointing at Pippin.)

Pippin: It was a terrible accident sir. Sir, believe me, I would never do anything to offend a Man of your size. Please accept my most sincere apology.

(A man the same size at the table beside him looks at the four Hobbits.)

Man #2: Teach 'em a lesson, Kerathas!

Kerathas (the tall man at the Hobbit table): You gonna drink that?

(Kerathas eyed his pint.)

Pippin: No, yes, no, the thought crossed my mind... yes.

(Kerathas then spits in his drink. Frodo and Sam burst out laughing.)

Kerathas: Still want it?

(Kerathas takes the pint of ale and pours it on Pippin.)

(Barliman throws down the piece of parchment on the table. Little black numbers were on it.)

Pippin: I can't afford this! I haven't even drunk yet!

Merry: Well if you wouldn't pick fights with the locals- wait, I have an idea.

Pippin: Is the idea safe?

Merry: Nope! Come with me!

(Merry pulls Pippin from the table and they slowly approach the table full of Men.)

(Kerathas turned his glance to Pippin, then Merry.)

Merry: Excuse me gentlemen, I just wanted to apologize for that unpleasent scene a little earlier.

Kerathas: Huh?

Merry: What I am trying to say is, my friend and I would like to buy you guys a round of ale, just to burry the longsword.

Kerathas: Make it four Queerish Bree Ales.

Merry: Whatever you want sir, I'll have Barliman bring them over.

(Pippin stares at Merry like he is out of his mind. As they walk away to the bar.)

Pippin: Merry, what are you doing? You know we can't afford to buy them drinks.

(Frodo and Sam sit at their table, hardly able to breathe fro mthe laughter.)

(Merry hands Barliman the parchment.)

Merry: Um, Kerathas and the fellas offered to pick up our check, they said just put it on their parchment check.

(Barliman looked skeptically at Merry and Pippin.)

Barliman: Kerathas said that?

Merry: Well, if that man over there is Kerathas.

(Kerathas pointed at himself, knodding his head up and down.)

Barliman: Ok, if that's what he wants.

(Pippin sees some pipes and pipeweed on the bar. He grabs them.)

Pippin: Oh, and put these on there, too.

Barliman: You got it.

(Next scene, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Strider and Pippin are seen riding on horses down the rode and into the Wild, heading towards Rivendell.)

(Kerathas then comes bursting through the door of the Prancing Pony, along with his companions and Barliman. Catching one glance at the five as they disappeared into the distance.)

Kerathas: They are dead!

(Next scene, it pans up on the five.)

Frodo: You should've seen his face!

Sam: It was hysterical!

Pippin: Where did you get a genius idea like that? It was pure genius!

Merry: Heard about it in a song once.

Pippin: So what happens next? Does the guy who played the trick get away, scott-free?

Merry: No, about half-way down the road, he catches up and slits his throat.

(Pippin looks back and his horse starts to speed up.)

(DUMB AND DUMBER)

[Orual]

LOL! Those are so funny! This is really short, and you REALLY have to have seen the Emporer's New Groove, but I thought it was funny.
~*~*~*~*~*~

[On the road to Rivendell, after Pippin's finished complaining about a pointed lack of second breakfast. An apple comes hurtling at Pippin's head.]

Merry: Pippin!

Pippin: Aragorn!!

Aragorn: Hm? What? That wasn't me! Somebody's throwin' stuff. [Innocent face]

~*~*~*~*~

You have to have seen the movie to get the expression on Aragorn's face...but it's funny! I think.

~*~Orual~*~

[doug*platypus]

The Setting: Merry and Sam, riding along on their ponies, going home after the War of the Ring, riding far back, talking about the places they've been and the things they have seen...


Sam: "So tell me again about the Rings of Power"

Merry: "Okay, whatchu wanna know?"

"They're legal there, right?"

"Yeah they're legal, but they ain't a hundred percent legal. Okay, it breaks down like this: it's legal to own one, it's legal to carry one, and it's legal to wear one, but only in certain places."

"And those are the taverns?"

"Yeah. Now, it's illegal to sell one, but get this - if the Uruks stop you, it's illegal for them to search you. That's a right the Uruks in Rohan don't have."

"Oh, man, I'm goin'! That's all there is to it, I'm f*in' goin'!"

"You'd dig it the most, Sammy. But you know what the funniest thing about Isengard is? It's the little differences..."


fades out...