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Old 11-06-2010, 03:06 PM   #1
Hookbill the Goomba
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Pipe Chatau D' Mordor

My elder brother has been on my case to discuss this...

In The Two Towers film Ugluk makes the following comment after cutting off the head of a rival orc...

"Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!"

So... Orcs have a concept of menus... which means they have a concept of restaurants... Does this mean that in Mordor there was at least one restaurant, if not a chain? Putting aside the amusing image of orcs in suits and bow ties, what would these menus have on them?
Here's what I think...



So, what do YOU think these Mordor restaurants that definitely existed were like
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Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 11-06-2010 at 07:42 PM.
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Old 11-06-2010, 03:27 PM   #2
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Most likely the menu will evolve into something like this:

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Old 11-06-2010, 03:33 PM   #3
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I see what you mean about restaurants, but I think that they didn't really have much of a menu. Meat wasn't the only food orcs had - if you call that food. We know for sure that they have bread - they gave some to Merry and Pippin. Moreover, these hobbits found food in Isengard, and even though it was meant for people, I bet that some of it went to the orcs. Furthermore, I don't see neither Sauron nor Saruman getting enough meat to feed all their armies. The way I see the menu is when an orc responsible for handing out food has to tell his comrades in arms what's for supper, otherwise off goes his head.
Orc: hey, what've you got here today?
Waiter: just the same, bread and meat.
O: how long are we going to have to eat the same thing?
W: don't ask me, I'm not the one in charge here!

I guess that by "menu" they really meant either bread or meat, unless they had something else. Or maybe orcs or humans for the meat.

Oh, and they also eat fish when they can get some - if goblins of the Misty Mts do, why can't orcs?
What I really wonder about is what food did Moria orc restaurants serve...
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Old 11-06-2010, 03:44 PM   #4
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And by the way, you should change it to Chatau de Mordor, because d' is used only when the following word begins with either a vowel or h.
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Old 11-06-2010, 06:56 PM   #5
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Puts a whole new spin on chicken fingers

Hilarious possibilities here, Hooky! What would Mirth do without your wild and wacky madness?

I'm going to leave aside the possibility that the Ringwraiths had their own chain of restaurants in Morc'dor and consider just what kinds of restaurants orcs might favour--or savour.

I find it difficult to conceive of a vegetarian component of orc cuisine. Certainly "greens" would not call to my mind the leafy folliage but I'm sure there's an enterprising Downer who could persuade me otherwise.

I'm inclined to the notion that orcs would excel at fast food chains with a high component of adulterated substances. Such establishments would likely garner a range of 'heads' on a Guide M'orc'lin. So, without further ado, here's my suggestions for Morc'dor restaurants.

T'orco Bell

M'orc'Donald's

Fazorci's

Starb'orcs

Red Orcster

2 4'orc 1 Pizza

Tim Orc'ons

Viener V'orc

Ch'orc king, (a company from the far east, in competition with Manch'orc Wok)

Y'orcinoya--raw fish a speciality

Al Ta'zorc (famous in Far Harad)

Spizzorco --known for pasta with unnamed ingredients in their red sauce

Dunkin' D'orcs--famous for deep fried round . . . things

I hope this doesn't get the site sued--or me splattered with rotten compost for unimaginative overuse of the species name.
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Old 11-06-2010, 07:04 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bethberry
I hope this doesn't get the site sued--or me splattered with rotten compost for unimaginative overuse of the species name.
Rotten compost? Isn't that a delicacy?
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Old 11-07-2010, 05:55 AM   #7
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"Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
And by the way, you should change it to Chatau de Mordor, because d' is used only when the following word begins with either a vowel or h.
I think that's the point- Orcish spelling isn't perfect. Otherwise it would be "Chteau" as well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bthberry View Post
Certainly "greens" would not call to my mind the leafy folliage
Well, If leafy foliage can include what's left on last year's meat...
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Old 11-14-2010, 10:25 AM   #8
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Don't forget the orc delicacy - the Shelobster! It's a real treat, and worth the lives of a few orc regiments...
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Old 08-08-2011, 01:15 PM   #9
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Pipe Home Comforts at the Front

I gave some thought to the idea of Orcish menus, and decided that they probably have some sort of military canteen system. A brief search through HoME extended edition revealed this, which I reproduce complete with grease stains.

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Old 09-23-2011, 02:40 PM   #10
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Let's not foget this entry:

Balrog wings: deep fried

It is not guaranteed that your meal will come anytime soon
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Old 09-23-2011, 08:49 PM   #11
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And of course Orkish appetizers at Chateau d'Mordor would include finger food. Whose fingers, I am not sure...
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Old 09-24-2011, 08:31 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morthoron View Post
And of course Orkish appetizers at Chateau d'Mordor would include finger food. Whose fingers, I am not sure...
Though no rings, onion or otherwise...
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Old 10-18-2016, 01:38 AM   #13
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I wonder what this contains:



Walked past this menu this morning on my way to work.
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Old 10-18-2016, 01:16 PM   #14
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My guess would be a mixture of finely chopped brambles and cartilege ground and blent with greasy Orc sweat and something that's better left unnamed.
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Old 05-17-2017, 06:35 AM   #15
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Before eating the above-mentioned Cake of Gorgoroth, orc children would need to finish their Udun noodles.
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