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Old 11-28-2003, 07:18 PM   #1
The Squatter of Amon Rdh
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Sting All-Downs Summarise Tolkien Competition

It had to happen sooner or later: a chat room, a Friday night, a silly conversation and behold! The greatest challenge since Monty Python used almost the exact same joke thirty years ago. The rules are simple: summarise anything written by J.R.R. Tolkien in ten words or less.

Bear in mind that while this isn't going to be the most serious of threads I do expect a certain degree of intelligence to the silliness. Simply putting down the first random phrase that comes into your head is not acceptable. Try to think of it as summarising Proust, but in English and with more Silmarils. Also I've been asked to point out that this is an officially sponsored thread. By whom is a mystery even to those of us who know that I mean the Barrow-Wight.

To start us off, here's my own rendition of the entirety of The History of Middle-earth.

Long time, no Sil

Thank you and good night.

[ 8:31 PM November 28, 2003: Message edited by: The Squatter of Amon Rdh ]
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Old 11-28-2003, 07:33 PM   #2
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Tolkien

Ten words or less? Yikes! Sounds very challenging but also fun - if done with a bit of thought.

And now for my attempt at alliterative summarizing The Lord of the Rings in ten words or less.
Quote:
"Runts roll Ring 'round riders, ruining ruling rogue's rotten ruse"
Extra points for tongue-twisting?
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Old 11-28-2003, 07:45 PM   #3
The Squatter of Amon Rdh
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1420!

I see no reason why not. Also for writing in one of Tolkien's languages or alphabets. If you can combine all of these factors, you get a free gasp of amazement.

Unfortunately the only points we've been able to find are pre-war Ruritanian Economy Points, which are just like ordinary points, except that they evaporate as soon as they're awarded.
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Old 11-28-2003, 08:00 PM   #4
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Shield

Heheh, that's great.

Ten words...Gulp. Herm, well since no one's done the Silmarillion, I'll try.

Gods make and brake stuff. Elves kill for/destroy jewels

[ 9:35 PM November 28, 2003: Message edited by: Arvedui III ]
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Old 11-28-2003, 08:06 PM   #5
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Time for a little tough love....

Any chance we could spellcheck our entries first? Honestly, Squatter did ask for an intelligent effort. How difficult could it be to put it in a word processor and hit F7?
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Old 11-28-2003, 08:45 PM   #6
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Hmmm...Interesting...Skillfully crafting a collage of less than eleven words to say what Tolkien has taken most of his life to perfect...I like it!

The entirety of LotR...

Quote:
No Vala wants his/her hands dirty.
[ 9:48 PM November 28, 2003: Message edited by: Nilpaurion Felagund ]
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Old 11-28-2003, 09:09 PM   #7
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"The Lay of Beren and Luthien"

...a good Lay.

*Don't ban me...it was completely out of my hands* [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]
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Old 11-28-2003, 09:16 PM   #8
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Silmaril

This one is for the whole of LotR:

Here is how one measly Ring can shape Middle-Earth.

[ 10:17 PM November 28, 2003: Message edited by: Lhunardawen ]
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Old 11-28-2003, 11:55 PM   #9
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LotR:

Hobbits save the world, nothing changes for them.

Lindril (oh, I love that sketch) Arvilya
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Old 11-29-2003, 05:11 AM   #10
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Erm...LOTR:

'Tale of the corruptive powers of a bit of jewellery'

Ooh, that was ten words exactly!
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Old 11-29-2003, 09:17 AM   #11
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Did someone say alliterative? (drool)

Lord of the Rings.....Pipsqueak people persevere, pity preserves preternatural, pedigreed planet.

[ 10:18 AM November 29, 2003: Message edited by: Liriodendron ]
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Old 11-29-2003, 05:52 PM   #12
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LotR...

Formed Fellowship failed, Frodo fled, fiendish "friend" flung finery fire-ward.
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Old 11-29-2003, 06:23 PM   #13
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Meela, you're hilarious.
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Old 11-29-2003, 07:00 PM   #14
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One for Roverandom: Dog annoys wizard, travels far. (Not alliterative, I know. It sounds like a newspaper headline.)
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Old 11-29-2003, 07:27 PM   #15
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Alliteration is not a requirement.
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Old 11-29-2003, 07:31 PM   #16
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Sting

Quote:
Alliteration is not a requirement.
I know, but I really wanted a pre-war Ruritanian Economy Point to put on my mantelpiece.

How about one for Farmer Giles of Ham? Scare a dragon, become a king, life is good.

Or perhaps one for all of the "canon" works: Jewelry is dangerous and to be avoided at all costs.

[ 8:32 PM November 29, 2003: Message edited by: Luthien_ Tinuviel ]
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Old 11-30-2003, 09:55 AM   #17
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Silmaril

The Silm:

Make world, make trees, make jewels, make war.


LotR:

Long trip, meet people, friends die, almost fail, help arrives.


The Hobbit:

Long trip, meet people, friends die, almost fail, help arrives. [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]


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Old 11-30-2003, 08:31 PM   #18
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Quenta Silmarillion...

Quote:
Elves flee, made stones,
Morgoth stole.
Elves return, Elves return
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Old 12-01-2003, 12:59 AM   #19
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Something for the Book of Lost Tales I

Quote:
Et Endorello Valinorenna utlien. Sanan maruvalm sinom.
I think prewar Ruritanian Economy Points would be quite nice for awarding, but last I heard, it crashed below sea-level like a Nazgl.

Or was it NASDAQ?

EDIT: Almaren was non-existent during BoLT I's creation...sorry...
[ 2:41 AM December 02, 2003: Message edited by: Nilpaurion Felagund ]
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Last edited by Nilpaurion Felagund; 01-25-2005 at 11:16 PM. Reason: sweep
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Old 12-01-2003, 12:59 PM   #20
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Quote:
Hobbits save the world, nothing changes for them
That was going to be my one! Oh well, I'll have to put my version too.

Lotr: Nine people, give or take a few, save the world.

Quote:
Meela, your hilarious
Just my thinking too.
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Old 12-01-2003, 01:58 PM   #21
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Quote:
Nine plus Seven, Three and One equals zero.
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Old 12-01-2003, 04:54 PM   #22
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How about these?

This one's a random thought concerned with the movies...not part of the contest...
Quote:
Super movie, someone should write a book about it.
Serious one...well not really serious, but, oh never mind!
Quote:
One ring + crazy quest= minus one finger
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Old 12-01-2003, 05:39 PM   #23
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The Hobbit:

"12 Dwarves on Smaug's chest, yohoho and a thieving hobbit"

a little bit of cheating, but not much...

-willkill
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Old 12-01-2003, 10:37 PM   #24
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[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] Some great ones here. Excellent idea, Squatter. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

Personally, I like Bilbo's entry for The Hobbit:

Quote:
There and back again.
[img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

Did someone say alliteration? Now you're talkin' - here are my (unplagiarised) efforts (for LotR):

Quote:
Representative races rally round Ringbearer, repudiating ruinous ravager’s Ring racket.
and

Quote:
Hardy Hobbits help heterogeneous humanoids halt heartless horror’s hellish havoc.
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Old 12-02-2003, 09:18 AM   #25
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Silmaril

Dang Saucepan... how do you do it? I think I'm simply lacking the vocabulary to do as much... Give me a few more years of schooling and I *might* match you... maybe. Here's an alliteration (attempted, at least) for the Silm:

Malefic Melkor makes madrigal, marring mighty Music.

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Old 12-02-2003, 09:25 AM   #26
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Silmaril

I'm not very creative, that's common knowledge, but it turns out my friends are. This one is my dear friend Bjrn's summary of the Silm [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]
Quote:
Bad Elves, bad Gods, bad Dwarves, bad Men, happy ending.
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Old 12-02-2003, 09:29 AM   #27
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Lotr:

All Orcs and no Elves makes Arda a dark place.
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Old 12-02-2003, 10:08 AM   #28
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Quote:
Dang Saucepan... how do you do it?
Thesaurus.com. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Smith of Wooton Major:

Quote:
Boy eats star, goes far.
[ 11:10 AM December 02, 2003: Message edited by: The Saucepan Man ]
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Old 12-02-2003, 02:17 PM   #29
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Silmaril

Thesaurus.com... now I don't feel so guilty about having done my own alliterations using my handy dandy Webster's College Dictionary! [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

I think... the Hobbit.

Interfering Istari stirs (and stops) many multispecied mishaps.

And...

Main characters' quest almost fails, side characters save them all.

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Old 12-02-2003, 02:42 PM   #30
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Evil ring, little hobbit, big war, free-people conquer evil !
~or~
for the FOTR
Fellowship forms, Gandalf in shadow,Lothlorien, Boromir's death, Fellowship breaks.
~or~
for TTT
Smeagul, Ent draught, Gandalf the white, Helm's Deep, Shelob's Lair
~or~
for ROTK
....i wont tell just yet....in case anyone hasn't read the books...
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Old 12-02-2003, 03:05 PM   #31
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Sting

The Two Towers Movie:

This is why you should read what Tolkien really wrote.
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Old 12-02-2003, 10:30 PM   #32
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An Alliterative Silmarillion:

Quote:
Sprite styles Silmarilli. Spider seconds saboteur, starts stealing, spans Sea.
[ 11:34 PM December 02, 2003: Message edited by: Nilpaurion Felagund ]
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Old 12-03-2003, 12:23 PM   #33
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Silmarillion:

Dark lord steals jewels, wars, gets his butt kicked.

LotR:

Ring + Suicidal Quest = Dark Lord's Death + (-Finger)
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Old 12-03-2003, 01:27 PM   #34
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Sting

LotR:
Quote:
Ring ruins Frodo's fellowship.
[ 2:28 PM December 03, 2003: Message edited by: mark12_30 ]
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Old 12-04-2003, 06:26 AM   #35
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LOTR:

Quote:
Get a ring and get rid of it.
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Old 12-04-2003, 02:53 PM   #36
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Sting

Quote:
For he that attempteth this shall prove but mine instrument
runs true for all of JRRT's works. Who may have said better then himself?

as for mine entries, with a bit of JRRT plagiarism again:

Silmarillion - Then the Ainur were afraid

LoTR - Last meeting of the White Council

The Hobbit - why did I do it, oh my, why did I?

Giles of Ham - certainly, I will do it tomorrow

Smith of Wotton Major - hm, cooks may both be good or bad fellaz

Leaf by Niggle - museums tend to be burned down

Adventures of Tom Bombadil - someone shouting in a boat is definitely a good chap
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Old 12-05-2003, 01:43 AM   #37
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Quote:
Personally, I like Bilbo's entry for The Hobbit:

quote:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
There and back again.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How about a modification of it for LotR...

Quote:
There and back again...and there again...
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You can't tell an ordinary man and a weirdo apart until they act.
I intend to copy this sig forever - so far so good...

Last edited by Nilpaurion Felagund; 01-25-2005 at 11:19 PM. Reason: sweep
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Old 12-05-2003, 05:01 AM   #38
Meela
Denethor's True Love
 
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Mirkwood. With Thranduil... *swoon*
Posts: 2,118
Meela has just left Hobbiton.
Sting

Lotr~

A little thing goes a long way.

Here you go, Lindril:

Lotr~

Fight the fire, sling the ring, save the day.

The Hobbit~

Bag 'em, Baggins.

[ 6:03 AM December 05, 2003: Message edited by: Meela ]
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'The Hobbit' 1st impressions: 1. Thorin is hot... Oh god, I fancy a dwarf. 2. Thranduil is hotter. 3. Is that... Figwit! 4. Does Elijah Wood never age?
2nd: It's all about Fili & Kili, really. 3rd: BARD! OMG, Bard.
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Old 12-05-2003, 12:27 PM   #39
Ainaserkewen
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: A cosmic waiting room
Posts: 766
Ainaserkewen has just left Hobbiton.
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Sting

"Two hobbits, one ring,
the dark eye always watching,
Boom."

I think you all know what story that's from...now one for the Silm.

"Finwe and Miriel should have considered birth control."

[ 1:36 PM December 05, 2003: Message edited by: Ainaserkewen ]
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Solus... I'm eating chicken again.
I ate chicken yesterday and the
day before... will I be eating
chicken again tomorrow? Why am I
always eating chicken?
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Old 12-05-2003, 11:02 PM   #40
Lindril Arvilya
Shade of Carn Dm
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: In a box at the end of Harrison Ford's street, with a pair of binoculars
Posts: 336
Lindril Arvilya has just left Hobbiton.
Sting

Thanks Meela.

Food, flee, fight, faith, friends, fire, fun.

Lindril (the 7 F's) Arvilya
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Neo, watch out! Trinity's going to steal your pants! Pants thief! Pants thief!
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