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Old 10-15-2003, 05:18 PM   #1
willkill4food
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Sting If you were Eru and wanted to have some fun...

If you were Ilúvatar and were bored with just sitting around being "the supreme being" and wanted to have some fun with some of the people in Middle-Earth what would you do?

When I sent Gandalf's spirit back to his body after he defeated the Balrog, I would also send him a "welcome back" present, Huan, the Hound of Valinor. I mean I he deserves to be brought back more than any other being in Middle-Earth, but can you imagine Sauron's face (if he had a face) when he saw the Hound of Valinor with Gandalf the White riding him?
If Aragorn looking into the Palantir and showing Narsil to Sauron made Sauron scared, (cant remember the exact words Gandalf used for what Sauron's reaction to Narsil reforged would be) imagine how freaked out Sauron would be to see Huan?

I also would probably tell the Dwarves to move into Moria after the Third Age...I mean what a waste of a perfectly good mine...

And on a final note, I would tell PJ not to kill off Haldir...or else...

-willkill
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Old 10-15-2003, 07:17 PM   #2
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Haha! I can just picture that last part.


If I were Eru, I would probably tell Peter to edit The Fellowship of the Ring, and put Glorfindel at the Ford of Bruinen, and make dang sure that he doesn't kill Haldir!
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But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.
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Old 10-15-2003, 08:57 PM   #3
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If I were Eru, I'd tell PJ to replace those fattened hyenas he calls Wargs and replace them with true Wargs...big, snarling, grey wolves.

Yours, if you want to [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]
->The True Son of Finrod, and of Amarië the Vanyar
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Old 10-16-2003, 06:54 PM   #4
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I would give Arwen allergies. She wouldn't know about it, because of being an elf, but right after she says "I choose a mortal life" she would start sneezing uncontrollably.

I would cause a dust storm in Mordor. Poor Sauron, all that dust would get in his eye. I almost feel sorry for him.

I would put a little uneven spot in the roof of Orthanc so Saruman would trip and fall off. Too bad he got rid of the ents, or one of them might have caught him.

I can be so mean! [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]
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Old 10-16-2003, 07:34 PM   #5
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When Grima runs out of Edoras, I'd have his horse throw him off a little precipice. Such a Monty Python situation! [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]
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But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.
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Old 10-17-2003, 09:06 AM   #6
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[img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]
I'd put an evil streak in Asfaloth so that when Arwen steals him, she gets chucked into the Bruinen!! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
I'd also make Saruman get a sore throat so that he wouldn't be able to shout battle strategies to all the Uruk-hai! Then, they'd get peed off and kill him!!

Shadowfax would have a clumsy side to him that immediately makes him stomp on Gandalf's foot every time he gallops up to him! Hehehehe!!! [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

Dats it for now!
Sweet life dudes!
Namárie!
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PS: NIRVANA ROCK!!!
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Old 10-17-2003, 09:58 AM   #7
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I would make lots of pancakes and have a big party.
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Old 10-17-2003, 10:22 AM   #8
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I would speed up the ents.
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Old 10-17-2003, 12:49 PM   #9
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I'd change the laws of gravity so that towers would be impossible. That way, Sauron wouldn't be able to see as far, and Orthanc wouldn't exist so Saruman would be easy to kill.

I'd also make warg and orcs pink and purple... in stripes!
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Old 10-17-2003, 12:56 PM   #10
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Pink and purple orcs?! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
I'd probably disguise myself as Gandalf and go around ordering people to embark on completely pointless quests. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]
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Old 10-17-2003, 08:25 PM   #11
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Quote:
I'd probably disguise myself as Gandalf and go around ordering people to embark on completely pointless quests.
That sounds bloody fantastic!!

As Eru, I would ask the elves to be happy, I would give Sauron ADD, I would give my all to protect the hobbits and keep them a peacful community, I would lift the burden from Frodo's mind and heart, I would make sure the corsairs were not tempted by Sauron and joined him in Return of the King and that they stayed out of the WOTR.

And that's it for day one. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

-Maikafanawen
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Old 10-17-2003, 08:51 PM   #12
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As Eru I'd end all strife in Middle-Earth by giving everyone chocolate. And duct tape. Duct tape solves everything.
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Old 10-19-2003, 10:53 AM   #13
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Top Ten Things I'd Do If I Were Eru

10) Dye Shadowfax bright pink.
9) Turn Anduril into a rubber sword so that it flops around in Aragorn's hand.
8) Make Saruman's clothes vanish when he's standing on top of Orthanc yelling at Caradhras.
7) Put a Whoopee cushion on Elrond's chair at the Council of Elrond.
6) Put blue hair dye in Legolas' shampoo.
5) Mix hair depilatories in Arwen's conditioner.
4) Give Sam nothing but horrible Diet bars to eat.
3) Make sure that the Ring that Sauron lost was only a fake, and tell him that the real one was with him all along, in his mascara cupboard. [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]
2) Have Arwen walk in on a Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli in a rather compromising position. (Forth the Three Hunters, my butt! We all know why they wanted to run off to Rohan!!!!)

and finally.....

1) Break Merry's carrot. [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]
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But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.
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Old 10-19-2003, 01:10 PM   #14
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I must say this is a great little thread. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

I would make every Hobbit 30 feet tall.
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Old 10-19-2003, 08:09 PM   #15
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[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] This is a great thread! It's made me laugh out many times...

Finwe, that was hilarious. I'd especially love to see a rubber Anduril...

If I were Eru, I'd bring the Internet to Middle Earth...then I'd translate the Barrow Downs into Sindarin and Quenya, just for the heck of it...
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Old 10-19-2003, 11:25 PM   #16
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Quote:
If you were Ilúvatar and were bored with just sitting around being "the supreme being" and wanted to have some fun with some of the people in Middle-Earth what would you do?
Id make Adam Sandler King of Gondor...

[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] I can imagine it now, the Middle Earth Golf Comp. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
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Old 10-21-2003, 11:29 AM   #17
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If I was Eru everyone in ME would have a PS2 and Sauron and the Nazgul would be mindless zombies,(Aren't the Nazgul already mindless zombies?) Anyways imagine this situation-

Gandalf: Frodo you must go to Mordor and destroy the ring.

Frodo:*stares at the TV button-bashing*

Gandalf: Frodo?

Frodo:*stares at the TV button-bashing*

Gandalf: *stepping infront of the TV* Frodo listen to me.

Frodo: Oh Gandalf didn't see you sit down and have a game.

Gandalf: There are more pressing matters.

Frodo: More important than finishing Dark Cloud 2?

Gandalf: I guess I will have a game.

10 days later Elrond walks

Elrond: What are you two doing?

Frodo: Here we go again.

Don't say it I know I'm strange.
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Old 10-22-2003, 08:05 PM   #18
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If I were Eru, I would make everyone's left sock disappear. Actually, before that I would convince everyone that there is a difference between right and left socks. Then I'd make them disappear.
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Old 10-23-2003, 01:59 AM   #19
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If I was Eru I'd give Sauron glasses. They'd keep on falling off as no ears or nose. And he'd order the Nazgul to hold them on. Then they'd never be able to search for Frodo.
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Old 10-23-2003, 10:12 AM   #20
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If I were Eru...I would make Denethor king of Gondor, so that Boromir and Faramir would have a secure future. Imrahil I would make an insurance salesman, just for the heck of it.

Since Aragorn could not be king, therefore I'd give him a nice little house near a field of goldenrod, such as would aggravate Arwen's allergies. [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

I'd give Elrond a gun and tell him to go kick some orken heads in. (And I'd teach him how to laugh, too)

And when Legolas sails for the west, I'd have his ship hijacked by rum-obsessed pirates and then run recklessly into an iceberg off the coast of Jamaica. The only survivor would be Gimli, who made quite a living searching for Silver and Gold and hunting the Abominable. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]
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Old 10-23-2003, 10:15 AM   #21
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Quote:
If I were Eru...I would make Denethor king of Gondor...
Good choice! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
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Old 10-23-2003, 11:18 AM   #22
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Quote:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If I were Eru...I would make Denethor king of Gondor...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Good choice!
Meela, I take it you would be Queen of Gondor in that case? [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
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Old 10-23-2003, 01:24 PM   #23
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Of course [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] *puts on her crown*
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'The Hobbit' 1st impressions: 1. Thorin is hot... Oh god, I fancy a dwarf. 2. Thranduil is hotter. 3. Is that... Figwit! 4. Does Elijah Wood never age?
2nd: It's all about Fili & Kili, really. 3rd: BARD! OMG, Bard.
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Old 10-23-2003, 06:44 PM   #24
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I would make Gandalf knock over that skeleton in Moria instead of Pippin, so that he runs around saying, "Fool of a Wizard!!!!" and berating himself. [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

Ah! Mental pictures!
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But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.
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Old 10-23-2003, 09:26 PM   #25
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Silmaril

If I were Eru and got bored, I would force all Uruk-hai in Middle Earth to start doing the Chicken Dance, all at the same time. Poor Saruman...all his mighty warriors marching on Helm's Deep, then they all drop thier weapons and start dong one of the worst dances of all time.

btw, Finwe, your signature is so very true!
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Old 10-24-2003, 03:11 AM   #26
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If I were Eru, I would make Denethor do the Chicken Dance. Permenantly.
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'The Hobbit' 1st impressions: 1. Thorin is hot... Oh god, I fancy a dwarf. 2. Thranduil is hotter. 3. Is that... Figwit! 4. Does Elijah Wood never age?
2nd: It's all about Fili & Kili, really. 3rd: BARD! OMG, Bard.
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Old 10-24-2003, 03:13 AM   #27
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If I were Eru, Id transport all Tolkien-bashers to ME! Then I'll bring Morgoth back. Then I'll sit back with lots of popcorn and watch Morgoth kick their bloody(or bleeding) butts!

Yours, if you want to [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]
->The True Son of Finrod and of Amarië the Vanyar
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Old 10-24-2003, 03:25 PM   #28
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Once again!

Quote:
And when Legolas sails for the west, I'd have his ship hijacked by rum-obsessed pirates and then run recklessly into an iceberg off the coast of Jamaica. The only survivor would be Gimli, who made quite a living searching for Silver and Gold and hunting the Abominable.
I would do a similar thing, ONLY I would turn every hot male Elf into a rum-obsessed, permanently drunk, wildly gesturing, eyeliner-wearing pirate!
With pointy ears. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

I would also make all the dwarves turn into snobby, English Navy prisses! Only they'd be two feet tall and have beards! ACK! Even worse! Bleeurgh!

I would invent cellphones in Middle Earth so that the entire Council of Elrond could take place on the phone!
Or maybe webcams!

Ja ne!
Namárie!
From
Elróthiel, the Insane Elven Goddess of Hilariosity and Laughter!
PS: NIRVANA ROCK!!!
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Old 10-24-2003, 06:37 PM   #29
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I'd tell Galadriel that the only reason she can see things in her Mirror is that I put a network of webcams connecting to all of Middle-earth.
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But Melkor also was there, and he came to the house of Fëanor, and there he slew Finwë King of the Noldor before his doors, and spilled the first blood in the Blessed Realm; for Finwë alone had not fled from the horror of the Dark.
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Old 10-24-2003, 07:21 PM   #30
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Silmaril

Quote:
If I were Eru, Id transport all Tolkien-bashers to ME! Then I'll bring Morgoth back. Then I'll sit back with lots of popcorn and watch Morgoth kick their bloody(or bleeding) butts!
Oh! Don't forget the silly fangirls. Ah, the sweet sounds of screaming in terror.

I would make Shadowfax buck Gandalf off his back whenever he tries to mount him.

Whenever anyone (even orcs) try to draw their swords thy'd turn into rubber chickens. Oh that would be so fun.

Thats all for now!
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Old 10-24-2003, 08:41 PM   #31
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I would make a nazgul fly into Sauron's eye. Oh what fun! I would also put little pink ribons on the wargs!
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Old 10-25-2003, 04:39 AM   #32
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If I was Eru, id kidnap everyone from ME world and put them in the middle of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, so when they wake up they all have spak attacks! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
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Old 10-25-2003, 07:11 AM   #33
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I would turn the one ring into a rubber duck.
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Old 10-26-2003, 02:02 PM   #34
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mmm...
I would make Rohan a world power and Sauron a fish (I like fish! And then Gollum coulds eats him raw!)... Happy day!
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Old 10-26-2003, 02:13 PM   #35
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If I were Eru, and I wanted to have some fun I would... Hmmmm... *thinks* give Feanor curly hair! [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img] Mwhahahahaha! *cough* *cough*

Ok... I might turn all the elfies turned into orcs back in elfies again!

Namaarie! ^-^
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Old 10-27-2003, 08:42 AM   #36
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I would swap Gandalf and Pippin's voices. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]
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Old 10-27-2003, 10:32 AM   #37
the guy who be short
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I wouldn't do this if I was bored, I'd just do it anyway: Make Ioreth mute.

Make the Company fire resistant so that the Balrog if more of a nuisance than a threat to them.

Subscription - Force every single Man, Elf, Dwarf, Hobbit and Ent old enough to bear arms marching into Mordor.

Invent barbers.
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Old 10-27-2003, 11:12 AM   #38
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I'll make all orcs pink and fluffy and turn Mount Doom into a hot tub. I'd make all the Valar stand on their heads except Melkor. Then I'd send a couple of bombers and blow up Doriath. Then I'll send in a SWAT team and infiltrate Barad-Dur.
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Old 10-27-2003, 01:41 PM   #39
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How hard can it be to melt down a rubber duck?!

Quote:
I would do a similar thing, ONLY I would turn every hot male Elf into a rum-obsessed, permanently drunk, wildly gesturing, eyeliner-wearing pirate!
With pointy ears.

I would also make all the dwarves turn into snobby, English Navy prisses! Only they'd be two feet tall and have beards! ACK! Even worse! Bleeurgh!
Firstly...no!!!!!!!!!! Although eyeliner-wearing pirates do have something going for them..... [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

Secondly...SINCE WHEN WERE THE ENGLISH NAVY SNOBBY PRISSES?????????? Not that I'm in the Navy...but they hardly talk like the Queen, do they??? And don't diss beards. [img]smilies/mad.gif[/img] Anyone seen Ned Kelly round here? [img]smilies/cool.gif[/img]


If I were Eru, I would give Legolas a quiver that never ran out of arrows. Hang on...in the films he already has one!

Hmm, will have to rethink.

Ok, I would make all the pipeweed fail. Honestly, stupid fat hobbits...don't they know that tobacco stunts their growth?????? *Shakes head*

[ October 27, 2003: Message edited by: Elentári_O_Most_Mighty_1 ]
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Old 10-27-2003, 04:21 PM   #40
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How hard can it be to melt down a rubber duck?!
Ah, but it is an evil rubber duck which can only melted in the great Plastic Vats of Doom in the Mordor Toy Factory.
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