Silly Songs with Merry (and Pippin)

[Silmarien]

Many of you will remember the old "Crazy Scenes" thread and toward the end how we had got on to changed song lyrics. So I thought we could continue in the noble art of song parody without the pics. Here's one of mine from the old thread to get us singing.

The curtain opens as Legolas just having finished his bath, is searching for his hairbrush. Having no success Legolas cries out ?O, where is my hair brush. O, where is my hair brush. O where O where, O where O where, O where O where, O where O where, O WHEEEEERE! Is my hairbrush.

Having heard his cry Gandalf enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Legolas in a towel. Gandalf regains his composure and reports, ?I think I saw a hair brush back there!?

Legolas: Back there is my hairbrush, back there is my hairbrush, back there back there, O where, back there, O where O where, back there back there, BACK THEEEEERE! Is my hairbrush.

Having heard his joyous proclamation Sam Gamgee enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Legolas in a towel. Sam regains his composure and comments, ?Why d?you need a hairbrush you never need to brush your hair!?

Legolas is taken aback the thought had never occurred to him. No need to brush his hair, what would this mean! What would become of him? What would become of his hairbrush!

Legolas wonders ?No need for my hair brush, No need for my hairbrush. No hair No hair, No where No hair, No hair No hair, No hair Back there, NO HaAaAaIR! Needs my hairbrush.

Having heard his wonderings Gimli the Dwarf enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Legolas in a towel. Gimli regains his composure and confesses ?Legolas that old hairbrush of your?s, well, you never use it, you don?t really need it, so, well, I?m sorry, I didn?t know, but I gave it to the hobbit cause he?s got tangles.?

Feeling a deep sense of loss Legolas stumbles back and laments. ?Not fair O my hairbrush, Not fair my poor hairbrush, Not fair Not fair, No hair Not fair, No where No hair, Not fair Not fair, NOT FAIR! My little hairbrush.

Having heard his lament the hobbit enters the scene, himself in a towel. Both Legolas and the hobbit are shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of... each other. But recognizing Legolas?s generosity the hobbit is thankful, ?Thanks for the hairbrush?.

Yes, good has been done here the hobbit exits the scene, Legolas smiles but still feeling a emotional attachment for the hairbrush calls out, ?Take care of my hairbrush, take care O my hairbrush, take care take care, Don?t dare not care, take care to share, not fair take care, TAKE CARE! Of my hairbrush.

THE END

(N.B. they don't have to be Veggie Tales take offs.)

[Arwen1858]

oh, Silmarien... that was great!! I just about fell out of my chair laughing so hard, and I think I pulled a few muscles! I would love to get in on this thread, but it's late and I'm about to fall asleep, so I'll think of a good one tomorrow. I've been trying to write a song using The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, and make it into a Pirates of the Caribbean song. I need to work on some LotR ones now!

[Anything but Arwen]

lol! That wasnt a song, twas a musical!! Ah, funny.

I still think someone should actually WRITE Silmarillion, The Musical, as made famous by Legolas's rendition in the V. Secret Diaries...hmm..thats a point, actually.... *goes off with pen in hand*

[Anything but Arwen]

Ok, not the Silmarillion, but the best I could do!

Be Prepared ~ Sauron singing to the Nazgul..

Sauron: I know that your powers of retention
Are as wet as a hobbit’s backside
But thick as you are, pay attention
My words are a matter of pride

It's clear from your vacant expressions
The lights are not all on upstairs
But we're talking Rings and oppression!
Even you can't be caught unawares

So prepare for the chance of a lifetime
Be prepared for sensational news
A shiny new era
(Random Nazgul: Ooo! Shiny!)

Is tiptoeing nearer

Witch King: And where do we feature?

Sauron: Just listen to teacher
I know it sounds sordid
But you'll be rewarded
When at last I am given my Ring!
And injustice deliciously squared
Be prepared!


Witch King: Yeah be prepared

Nazgul #3 : We'll be prepared
Nagul #7: For what?

Sauron: For the return of my Ring..

Witch King: Why, did you break the phone?

Sauron: No fool, my Ring of Power! And yours too

Nazgul: Great idea! We need the Rings!
More Rings, more Rings, lalalalalala

Sauron: Idiots! It will be the ONE Ring!
Witch King: But you said..
Sauron: My Ring will rule yours!
Stick with me and you'll never have to think again!

Nazgul: Yay! Alright! Long live the Lord of the Rings! Long live the Ring!


Sauron: It's great that we'll be soon be connected
By Rings that will be all time abhorred
Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected
To take certain duties on board

(Gollum offstage: Shiiiiiiiiire!!! BAGGINNNNNNNNSSSSSESSSSS!!!!)
The future is littered with prizes
And though I'm the main addressee
The point that I must emphasize is
You won't get a dime without me

So prepare for the War of the Ring
Be prepared for the darkest of ages

(Oooh!)

Meticulous planning

(We'll have Rings!)

Tenacity spanning

(Lots of Rings!)

Centurys of denial

(We can hunt hobbits!)

Is simply why I'll

(And elves and dwarves!)

Be Lord undisputed

(Shiiiire!)

Respected, saluted

(Bagginsss!)

And seen for the horror I am

(Pizza!)

Yes, my mace and my pinkies are bared
Be prepared!

Yes, our Rings and our pinkies are bared
Be prepared!

[img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

[Vladivos the Rider]

Not many people will know the song; it's called 'Crusader' by Chris de Burgh, but I tried with LotR lyrics...they're not accurate to the story, though [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]

What do I do next? said the Nazgual to his king,
I have searched the whole world over, to find your precious ring,
Those centuries have disappeared,
Yet memories still remain,
Of that token of your greatness; could it be so great, again?

Then his Lord said oh you minion,
Why you really cause me pain,
With your talk of restoration;
I won't need your help again,
There is only greed and evil, in the Men who fight today,
The spirit of alliance has long since gone away.

High on his hill,
Near the tower that was his, too,
There stood Saruman,
The wizard of rainbow hues,
And snoring and sinking, and cawing and stinking,
Around him his army lay,
Secure in the knowledge, that he had won the day.

A messenger came,
With blood on his feet and a wound in his chest,
"The Free-men are coming!" he said,
"I have seen their force in the West."
In a rage Saruman struck him down with his staff, said 'I know that this man lies,
They quarrel too much-
Elves and men can never unite!"

They started the battle at dawn,
Ents taking Orthanc by storm,
With horsemen and bowmen and swordsmen of war,
They broke through the tower walls.
The orc-folk were crying and screaming and dying,
And the allies' swords were strong,
And Saruman ran when he heard their victory song.

[Silmarien]

Well done Anything but Arwen and Vladivos the Rider. Here's another Lion King one, someonehad a bit of this in there sig which gave me the idea. Take it away Aragorn...

Aragorn: I?m gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware.
Elrond: Well I?ve never seen a Gondor King with quite so little flair.
Aragorn: I?m gonna be the main event that no king was before,
I?m washing up, I?m looking down, I?m working with my sword.
(Pulls out a sword broken in half, and puts it back a bit sheepishly.)
Elrond: thus far a rather uninspiring thing.
Aragorn: Oh I just can?t wait to be king.
(Elrond: You?ve quite a long way to go young Estel if you think...)

Aragorn: No one saying do this
Elrond: (I am a great, great, great, great...)
Arwen: No one saying be there
Elrond: (I am your father...)
Aragorn: No one saying stop that
Elrond: (Stay away from my daughter...)
Arwen: No one saying see here
Elrond: (Now see here!)

Aragorn: Free to run around all day
Elrond: (As if you don?t.)
Aragorn: Free to do it all my way!

Elrond: I think it's time that you and I
Arranged a heart to heart

Aragorn: I don't need advice from Arwen?s Daddy for a start

Elrond: If this is where Eriador is headed count me out!
Out of service, out of Middle Earth I wouldn't hang about
This mortal?s getting wildly out of wing

Aragorn: Oh, I just can't wait to be king!

Everybody look left
Everybody look right
Everywhere you look I'm
Standing in the spotlight!

Elrond: Not yet!

Chorus of Elves: Let every people go for broke and sing
Let's hear it from Gondor and the Shirelings
It's gonna be King Strider's finest fling

Oh, I just can't wait to be king!
Oh, I just can't wait to be king!
Oh, I just can't waaaaaait ... to be king!

[Arwen1858]

Ya know, I've thought before about Aragorn singing I Just Can't Wait to Be King, but never did put words to it. That was great [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]
I'm still working on a song.

[Anything but Arwen]

Accck!!!! I'd already done the words to Can't wait to be King, and they're a little different, but I didn't have time to post 'em..I won't bother now though, as Silmarien's done a better job than I did...just one bit I'd like to change...

Elrond: Well I've never seen a Gondor King with quite so little flair.

to..

Elrond: Well I've never seen a King of Men with quite such GREASY hair..

[ October 29, 2003: Message edited by: Anything but Arwen ]

[Arwen1858]

ok, here's my attempt at one.
I'm Just a Little Orc Soldier as sung by Frodo with orc armour on, to the tune of Pooh's I'm Just a Little Black Raincloud.

I'm just a little orc soldier
hiding my ring so that you don't see
I'm just a little orc soldier
pay no attention to little me
Everyone knows that orc soldiers
always wear armour just like this.
I'm just staggering about
though I'm quite worn out
wondering when I might rest.

[Lily Bombadil]

My sister made up a rap-ish song about Gildor, Celeborn, Haldir, and Elrond (note my location). It's not very long as we both got rhymer's block.

"From the Gilly, to the Celly. From the Hally, to the Elly. They just chillin' with the fellies. Their ladies shakin' like jelly."

(But Haldir argues that he doesn't have a lady, so he goes with Gildor. No one wants to go with Elrond, but trust me,
he's not so bad once you get to know him...)

[ October 29, 2003: Message edited by: Lily Bombadil ]

[Rilwen Gamgee]

Here's We are the Elves Who Don't Do Anything (Sung to the tune of We are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything from Veggie Tales). I'm sorry if the tune isn't quite accurate.

"We are the Elves, who don't do anything,
We just here and lie around,
And if you ask us, to do anything,
We'll just tell you we don't do anything.

Oh, all we eat is lembas,
And all we drink is miruvor,
And we've never sung a song that made any sense at all!
And we like to sit in trees all day and make our special glow-swords,
And we've never been to Mordor in the Fall!

Oh sometimes we'll be eating,
And sometimes we'll just sit here,
But mostly we'll be singing one of our most lengthy songs!
And sometimes you will see us walking in the forest talking,
But we've never been to Mordor in the Fall!"

When you babysit constantly, these songs get stuck in your head.

[Arwen1858]

The idea for this one just popped into my head late last night while I was singing
You Are My Sunshine. You Are My Precious, as sung by Gollum... or Bilbo... or Frodo... or any ringbearer you like.

You are my precious,
my only precious
you're bright and shiny,
and oh so light
please never leave me
I really need you
you are very
precious to me.

[Lily Bombadil]

Okay, not LotR, but I can always imagine Merry and Pippin singing:

We know a song that gets on everbody's nerves!
Everybody's nerves, everbody's nerves!
We know a song that gets on everbody's nerves and THIS is how it goes:

*********************************

In truth, they'd probably sing:

Strider the smelly Ranger,
Had a very oily head!
And if you ever smelled it,
You would probably drop dead....

[Arwen Evenstar]

This is great you guys (and girls)! I wish I were that talented! I`ll have to work on a song of my own. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

[Nimrothiel]

This is an incomplete parody of "The Knights of the Round Table" song. (I need help with the last verse.)

The Orcs From the Land of Mordor

We're Orcs from the land of Mordor,
We dance around the corridor.
We foul our beds, and cut off heads,
With quite a bit of ardor.
We dine well here in Mordor,
We eat gnats and cats and rats galore!

We're Orcs from the land of Mordor,
Our shows are not mediocre.
But many times, we're given rhymes
That are to sing quite poor-dor!
We're opera mad in Mordor;
We all love to sing tenor!

We're Orcs from the land of Mordor...,

It's a busy life in Mordor,
I'm very rarely bore-dor!

(I can't think of anything for the middle lines for the last verse.)

[kittiegirl]

Those are fricking great guys.
Here's one that my brother wrote yesterday:
I like big fich and i cannot lie
You other Hobbits can't deny
Whence a fish jumps up with an itty bity tail, and a round thing in your face you say JUICY!

I like the hairbrush song the best, being a Larry the Cucumber fan.
My sister has a larry which sings that song too.

By the way, me and my husband, Merry, sing the song "I know a song..." song all the time.

[purplefluffychainsaw]

Gimli in "Under the earth" ("Under the sea" The little mermaid") It's set in the caves under Helm's Deep, after the war of the ring. I did it for fanfiction.net (Look me up under purplefluffychainsaw)

Gimli: The gold is always golder
In somebody else's mine
You dream about going up trees
[Mimes climbing]
But that is a big mistake
Just look at the world around you
[Waves his hands around]
Right here on the rocky floor
Such wonderful things surround you
What more is you lookin' for?
[Legolas shrugs]

Under the earth
Under the earth
Elfy it's better
[Legolas scowls]
Down where it's darker
Take it from me

Up on the earth they play all day
Out in the sun they don't slave away
[Legolas laughs]
While we devotin'
Full time to diggin'
[Picks up a shovel]
Under the earth

Down here all the dwarves is happy
As off through the mud they roll
[Demonstrates, Legolas looks more disgusted than ever]
The dwarves on the land ain't happy
They sad 'cause they in the sun
But dwarves in the sun is lucky
They in for a worser fate
One day when the orcs get bored
Guess who's gon' be slaughtered?
[Mimes dying]

Under the earth
Under the earth
Nobody beat us
Kill us or bleed us
In battles
We what the land folks love to laugh at
Under the earth we off the hook
We got no troubles
Life is all diggin'

Under the earth
Under the earth
Since life is dark here
We get to park here
For free!
Even the nannies an' the babes
They get the urge 'n' start to dig
We got the spirit
You got to see it
Under the earth

We don't play the flute
We can't sing at all
[Legolas nods in agreement]
We don't like the sun
So we ain't burnt at all
We love the mud
We don't use the tub
[Legolas holds his nose]
For gold we'd sell our soul
(Yeah)
The emeralds they shine
The diamonds do too
The pick works quite well
The shovel is better
The silver and gold
They're cold to hold
An' send a shiver up your spine!
[Picks up some mud and tosses it in the air. Legolas moves out of its way.]

Under the earth
Under the earth
When the light
Is artificial
It's beauty to me!
What do you have? A load of trees
We all sigh and say "pur-lease"
Each little dwarf here
Knows how to dig here
Under the earth
Each little stone here
Is worth a fortune
Under the earth
All of the mud here
Is just ignored
That's why it's better
Under the earth
Ya we in luck here
Down in the muck here
Under the earth
[Falls to his knees and skids in between two columns of sparks, to where Legolas was. Legolas has run off; the song was too scary / freaky] [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]

[Elennar Starfire]

An LotR version of 'Tell Me Ma' by Gaelic Storm (sung by Aragorn):

Tell my ma, I'm not coming home,
'cause I can't leave this girl alone.
Washed my hair, and used my comb,
I think I'll live till I come home.

She is lovely, she is pretty,
she's the belle of Elrond's city,
she is Elrond's only daughter,
and he won't let me marry her.

*More coming as soon as I can think of it! (which may be never)*

I actually am listening to this song right now! Gaelic Storm is good! Anyone else like them? (Besides you, Tymezennith! I know you do!)<<It's her CD I'm listening to.

Edit: I actually can see Merry or Pippin singing some of their songs, they sing about pints!

[ 2:14 PM November 27, 2003: Message edited by: Elennar Starfire ]

[Lady Snickerdoodle]

YAY elennar you are the only other person I know who likes Gaelic Storm! This is definately one of the funniest threads ever; I am sitting here howling with laughter oblivious to all the turkey stuffed people lolling around in their chairs.. Okay let me see if I can think one up... Um... I'm gonna come back to this later, actually...

[ 1:07 PM November 30, 2003: Message edited by: Lady Snickerdoodle ]

[Lady Snickerdoodle]

Aragorn- I am the very model of a secret true heir to the throne,
I have a sword of lineage and to using long words I am prone,
I know lots of connections and the lays and ballads of legends past
And delight in making hobbits starve through lack of second breakfasts!

okay for those of you who know the Pirates of Penzance, it was supposed to go on longer but my brain is having a system overload, press any key to quit.

[Lyta_Underhill]

What an amusing thread! I'm culturally deprived, so I don't know that many of the tunes, except the older ones. Anyway, my husband decided he would compose me a funny song, because I'm not feeling all that well and it was funny enough that I had to share it!

Pippin's Role In Lord of the Rings

(Tune: Waltzing Matilda)

Was a jolly hobbit-man, ate a lot of salted pork
Under the shade of a big talking tree;
And this jolly hobbit-man,
Whose real name was Billy Boyd,
Had a big part in this picture, you see.

First he ate his salted pork, smoking on his hobbit pipe,
Forgot his pals Frodo and Sam Gamgee,
Found a magic bowling ball,
Took a look at Sauron's eye,
And just saw another big ol' damn tree.

Up jumped the hobbit-man, whose real name was Billy Boyd,
And rode off to Gondor as fast as could be
With a naughty wizard man,
On a naughty wizard horse,
And that's why his bum was so sore, don't you see.

He went into a city then that was a big mountainside,
And its head bloke had a case of lunacy,
Got a civil service job,
Singing songs for Denethor,
There'll be an Oscar in this, probably.

Hope you enjoyed it too! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
Cheers,
Lyta

[Beanamir of Gondor]

I think I posted this on another, less appropriate forum, but you guys ought to like it better. I changed the ending a little.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trip
Nine men came to Lord Elrond's home
And formed the Fellowship.
The wizard was a mighty magic man
The elf could walk on snow,
Four hobbits, Gimli, and two Men
Braved Caradhras's blow.
[~boom!~crash!]
The journey started getting rough
The Balrog sure was mad;
Gandalf's death left Aragorn and Celeborn
And the hobbits really sad.
Setting off on the River Anduin,
The orcs gave them no fear
But the breaking of the Fellowship
Was the death of Boromir! [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

[Nimrothiel]

The Nazgul of Sauron ~The Daughters of Triton (The Little Mermaid)

Oh, we are the Nazgul of Sauron
Great Darklord who hates us yet named us well.
Noiquoto, Nondrino, Noristo, Notino, Nodello, Norello,
Nomino, Nunzio,
And then there is the youngest in his frightening debut.
Our ninth little brother, we're presenting him to you;
To screech a scream that Wormtongue made, his voice is like a knell,
He's our brother, Noriel!

Eh, tempo doesn't exactly match, but there's nine names instead of seven so it's not going to be exact. [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]
The "Gilligan's Island" one was pretty good. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

[Beanamir of Gondor]

Second part!

Now, this is the rest of the Fellowship
Their mission won't be fun
Three set off for Edoras at a hard and labored run
The Ringbearere and his gardener
Will do their very best
To stop the theft of Faramir
And Gollum's thwart of quest
"No way!" "You're such a power freak!"
Theoden and Aragorn shout
Merry and Pippin and the Ents
Made Saruman much put out.
As Legolas surfs a set of steps
And Gandalf saves the day,
A depressing movie, sad at best
Kills a million orcs a day!

[Memory of Trees]

This is a song some boys at my friend's school were singing on some German drinking holiday. I thought it sounded like something Merry and Pippin might sing...

If you're happy and you know it, take a swig!
(swig, swig!)
If you're happy and you know it, take a swig!
(swig, swig!)
If you're happy and you know it,
and you really want to show it,
If you're happy and you know it take a swig!
(swig, swig!)

[Nimrothiel]

*collapses into helpless laughter* [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[Elennar Starfire]

Somewhere, lost in the mess of Mt. Room, lies a paper with the beginnings of an LotR version of Thriller, back from when it was constantly stuck in my head due to hearing it repeatedly in dance class (we were learning the dance from the music video). I figured as long as it was stuck in my head anyway I might have some fun. Must go search for that...But don't hold your breath, once something disappears into the mess of Mt. Room it has a good chance of being gone forever. [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] If I find it, I shall post it!

[Nimrothiel]

I like this one:

"Sauron"
To :"Gaston" from "Beauty and the Beast"

I'm glad to be in the horde of Sauron,
even though I'm just an Orc.
I know I'll never get bored with Sauron:
He says that we taste like pork.
There's no one around that's reviled like him
he's everyone's favourite guy.
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by him
and his gigantic fiery eye!
No one's bad like Sauron
really mad like Sauron
wants to get back the ring that he had like Sauron!
He's so evil and fearsome and angry.
Our one and only Dark Lord.
He never finds anything scary
Except for a guy with an old broken sword!
No one's mean like Sauron
makes you scream like Sauron
no-ones never exactly on screen like Sauron!
But we all can assume he's intimidating,
My what a guy, Sauron!
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Unless you feel like
thirty lashes with whips!
No one faces Sauron
has ringwraiths like Sauron
no-one flings guys around with a mace like Sauron!
He's unseated a king and a wizard,
talks to them through crystal balls.
he keeps them defeated, embittered,
Then charges them double for long-distance calls!
No one's dark like Sauron
double-parks like Sauron
no-one scares baby ducks for a lark like Sauron!
but he needs some help with his accessorising,
One Ring for Sauron!
In the second age people came up to his legs
he was intimidatingly large.
But in the third age he has no arms and legs.
He relies on his whole entourage!
No-one plans like Sauron
makes demands like Sauron
No-one's conquering all of the lands like Sauron!
Now he's sending us all on our dark uprising
Say it again
Who rules the world of men?
Sauron!

(Mt. Room; snerk.)

[The Elusive Spirit]

Ha! Ha! Those are great guys! Here's one I found somewhere and changed some words.
(To the tune of Sponge Bob Square Pants)

Aragorn: Are you ready kids?!
Kids: Aye! Aye! Strider!
Aragorn: Oooo, Who lives in Lothlorien under the trees!
Kids: Ga-lad-rie-el!
Aragorn: Beautiful, old and clairvoyant is she!
Kids: Ga-lad-rie-el!
Aragorn: If seeing the future is something you wish,
Then come on over and look in her dish!
Kids & Aragorn: Ga-lad-rie-el, Ga-lad-rie-el, Ga-laaad-rie-elll!

Not the greatest, I know but I find it very entertaining! *goes off singing quietly* [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

[Kransha]

Oh, I'm an uruk-hai and I'm ok,
I sleep all night and I kill all day!
I cut down men, I eat their guts
I go to the lavat'ry!
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea!

Oh, I'm an uruk-hai and I'm ok,
I sleep all night and I kill all day!
I cut down men, I eat their guts
I like to press wild flow'rs
I dress in Nazgul's clothing.
And hang around in bars!

Oh, I'm an uruk-hai and I'm ok,
I sleep all night and I kill all day!
I wear high heels and chicken wings
My dancing is on par!
I wish I'd been a Hobbit
Just like my dear mammaaaaaaaa!

[Beanamir of Gondor]

NOOOOOOOO!!!! elusive spirit that was MINE!
*pout* not yours anyway *pout*
Did you know they kicked that story off the fan fic?
Oh well, here's the third part of Gilligan/LOTR.

And now for the third of the Trilogy;
Of which Saruman got left out;
Merry and Pippin sing a song
While Eowyn has a pout.
~
When the fool of a Took goes to Minas T,
Prepare to weep and cry
At Pippin's song to Denethor
While Faramir tries to die.
~
Merry is sad 'cause Theoden
Wants to leave him way behind;
Elrond forges Anduril
For Aragorn to save Mankind.
~
As Frodo goes nuts from Gollum's tricks
And Samwise saves the day,
An impossible Legolas trick is fun
And Gondor shouts HOORAY!

Phew! That's the end!

[Sirithheruwen]

What do you have? A load of trees
We all sigh and say "pur-lease"

*snark*
*falls off chair dramatically*

[Eowyn Skywalker]

I find these very amusing... Here's one I wrote... everyone says it's my best Silly Song turned LotR yet...
Oh Precious. As Sang by Gollum, to the tune of 'Oh Santa'. (Veggie Tales Tune)
Narrator: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Gollum, the part of the show where Gollum comes out and sings a silly song. It's Midyears Eve, and Gollum is anxiously awaiting the arrival of his Precious Ring with a plate full of raw fish.
Gollum: Oh Preciousss! I can't wait for you to come. I just can't wait for you to come, and I've got fishesss, three yummy fishesss. Just for me for when you come, only for me for when you come... Because I'm hungry...
(Three knocks sound upon the door... err... I mean rock!)
Gollum: Could that be My Preciousss? Could that be... it!? Could it be the one that eats away a hobbit-like creature like me... A good hobbit-like creature like me-ee!
Narrator: Gollum is surprised to be greeted not by his Precious (sss), but a fat hobbit cook!
Gollum: Who are you?
Fat hobbit: I'm a hobbit, and I've come to boil your taters! Oh yes, I've come to boil your taters! And I've come to fry your fishes, and stew your conies! So stand back-- step aside, you smelly creature, and let me in!
Narrator: Although annoyed by the intruder, in the lust for his Precious, Gollum makes an offering...
Gollum: I'm not a gardener. I have no tatersss, my fatisssh friend, but I have fishesss! Three yummy fishesss! And I don't have coniesss... but please take this, my fatish friend, cook one of thesse my fatissh friend. They are for me-ee... but you may have one!
Narrator: The hobbit (Sam) is truely touched by Gollum's good will, but Gollum, although momentarily distracted, is still excited about seeing his Precious.
Gollum (Sam): Oh Precious!
(I'm a hobbit)
I can't wait for you to come.
(And I came to boil your taters)
I just can't wait for you to come!
(Oh yes, I came to boil your taters)
And I've got fishesss!
(You shared a fishy)
Two yummy fishessss,
(A yummy fishy!)
Just for me for when you come,
(Though I'd love to fry your fish,)
Only for me for when you come,
(That's not for me to wish!)
Both: Because I'm hungry!!!
(Another knock sounds upon the do... I mean rock!)
Gollum: Could that be My Preciousss? Could that be... it!? Could it be the one that eats away a hobbit-like creature like me... A good hobbit-like creature like me-ee!
Narrator: Once again it is not his Precious who has come to Gollum's door, but this time a savage Ranger!
Gollum: Who are you?!
Ranger: I'm a Ranger! And I've come to kill your orcs! Oh yes, I've come to kill your orcs! And I've come to make you bath, and steal your evil rings! And I've come to... uh, stomp on your hole... And tie you up! Oi!
Narrator: Although quite frightened by the intruder, in the lust for his Precious, Gollum makes an offering.
Gollum: I don't have orcs. I NEVER bath, my Ranger friend, (?) but I have fishesss... Two yummy fishesss!And I don't have rings... but please take this, my Ranger friend, eat one of these, my Ranger friend. They are for me-ee... But you may have one!
Narrator: The Ranger (Aragorn) is also touched by Gollum's good will, but Gollum's thoughts are still with his Precious.
Gollum (Aragorn): Oh Precious!
(I'm a Ranger!)
I can't wait for you to come!
(Oh yes, I came to kill your orcs!)
I've got a fisshy.
(You shared a fishy)
A yummy fisshy
(A yummy fishy)
Just for me for when you come.
(Though I'd love to tie you up,)
Only for me for when you come.
(I think you're quite in luck)
Both: Because I'm hungry!!!
(Another knock sounds at the rock!)
Gollum: Could that be Precious? Could that be IT! Could it be the one that eats away a hobbit-like creature like me... A good hobbit-like creature like me-ee!
Narrator: Gollum is now greeted by an agent of the Isari-from-over-the-seas!
Gollum: Who are you???
IOS agent: I'm Gandalf! And I've come to zap your...
(Gollum slams rock door in his face!)
Gollum: Oh Precious! I can't wait for you to come. I just can't wait for you to come...
(Frodo walks in, holding the ring, and he looks like he was hypnotized, because his eyes are all funny!)
Gollum (staring at the ring): It's finally Precious! It's finally come! At last! The one who eats away a hobbit-like creature like me... A good hobbit-like creature like me-ee!
Voice of the Ring: I'm the evil ring! And I've come to drive you nuts! Oh yes, I've come to drive you nuts. And I've come to eat you away Oh, oh, oh, oh! And I've come to freak you all out. And speak in... Black Speech... Wait-a-munute??? Isn't that Frodo's cloak? And what...
Frodo starts talking over the ring: And what are you doing with my SWORD?! So you're the ones...!!!
Sam: Wait-a-minute! I can explain...
Aragorn: We've CHANGED!!!
Frodo: Nobody messes with me, or MY ring!!! You know that, don't you? You've been very evil... AND I'M WRITING A BOOK!!!
Frodo chases them out of the hole, shouting, while Sam and Aragorn shout for help. Gollum looks after them, shocked. Gandalf walks back in.
Gandalf: Did you cook that?
Gollum: (Shakes head)
Gandalf zaps it, and walks away!
Gollum: I'm still HUNGRY!!!
The End
How's that?
-Thanks,
-Eowyn Skywalker

[Maeggaladiel]

OH MY VALAR, EOWYN SKYWALKER, THAT WAS AWESOME!

Yes, I'm resurrecting this thread to share a peice of a song that I'm working on. Maybe you can help.

To the tune of the disney version of Alice in Wonderland's "The Walrus and the Carpenter"

THE DOWNIE AND THE BARROW WIGHT

The Sun was shining on the Downs,
Shining with all its might
It tried its very best to make
The threads look clean and bright
And this was odd because it was
Just a computer site.

The Downie and the Barrow Wight
Were Posting on a Thread
The Wight remarked that it was such
A fine day to be dead
"Indeed it is," the downie said, and scratched his ghostly head.

**I need a few more verses***

CHORUS
"The Time has Come!" the Downie said,
"To post of other things!
Like rings and ships and Oliphaunts,
Of Hobbitses and Kings!"

"And why Mount Doom is Boiling Hot,
And whether Balrogs have wings."

"Ca-loo, Ca-lay, today's the day
For Hobbitses and Kings!"

That's all I've got. Not Veggie tales related, not especially funny, but there ya go.

Ca-loo, Ca-lay!
MAEG!

[Maeggaladiel]

Dang it! I just wrote this entire thing, and my computer decided it wanted to refresh! We hates it! We hates it forever!!!
NOTE- Words with apostrophes are pronounced differently to fit in the rhythm of the poem. EX- Mor'ia is pronounced Morya, Lor'ien is Loryen, Riv'ndell is pronounced Rivndell. Poetic license is fun.

(Three hobbits. To "The Pirates who don't do Anything")
Hobbits- (CHORUS)
We are the hobbits,
Who don't do anything!
We stay in our holes,
And lie around!
And if you ask us,
To do anything,
We'll tell you....

H #1- We don't do anything.
Weeelll, I've never been to Mor'ia
And I've never been to Riv'ndell.
And I've never run from Nasgul
Cuz' I don't leave home at all.

And I've never been to Lor'ien,
And I've never been to Rohan,
And I've never been to Mordor in the faaalll!

All- CHORUS

H#2- We don't do anything!
Weeeellll, I've never fought a balrog,
And I've never fought an Uruk
And I never lunge or parry
Cuz I never fight at all!

And I've never fought a Nasgul,
And I've never fought a goblin
And I've never been to Mordor in the fall!

All- Chorus

H#3- We don't do anything!
Weeeeeellll, I've never kissed a steward,
And I don't know how to disco,
And I've never eaten mustard with a barrow wight named Paul

And I've never crossed the border,
And I don't look good in spandex,
And I've never been to Mordor in the Faaall!

H1- Huh? What do disco and mustard have to do with being a hobbit?
H2- Yeah! I thought we were supposed to sing about hobbity things!
H3- Oh!
H1- And that spandex thing is just plain weird! Am I right? What do you think?
H2- I think you look like E.L.Fudge.
H1- Huh? No I don't.
H2- Do too.
H1- Nuh uh!
H2- Yes!
H1- That's it! I'm callin' the Shiriff!
H2- Yes sir, EL Fudge!!
H1- Grrr!
H2- Yipe!

H3- Weeeellll Iiiii've...
Never licked a monkey,
And I've never bathed in lembas,
And I've never seen an Oliphaunt
Play golf without a ball!

And I've never poked an Uruk,
And I've never hugged a warg...

H1- You just don't get it.

ALL- And we've never been to Mordor in the faaaaaallll!


Ok, that was random...
MAEG!

[Eowyn Skywalker]

Maeggaladiel, I thank you for loving my piece. Yours was one of the best reditions of that song I've read. Can you post it in the fanfiction section of my site, linked in my signature... One tip, write in Wordpad, and copy and paste it over...

***
Oh where is the One Ring?
As sang by Frodo

<Frodo is in a set that looks strangely like the Green Dragon.>
Frodo is searching around frantically, searching for his ring. Having no success, Frodo cries out.
Frodo: Oh where is the One Ring... Oh where is the One Ring... Oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where ,oh wherrrrrrrre... Is the One Ring?

Narrator: Having heard his searching, Sam enters the scene. Shocked, and slightly embarrassed at the sight of his master in such a frantic state, Sam composes himself, and reports:
Sam: I think I saw the One Ring back there.

Frodo: Back there is my Prec... (He stops as he sees Sam glaring at him) Ahem. Back there is my One Ring... back there is the One Ring... Back there, oh where, back there, oh where back therrrrrrrre. Is the One Ring?

Narrator: Having heard his proclamation, Gollum enters the scene. Shocked, and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Frodo in such a joyous stare, Gollum composes himself, and says:
Gollum: Why do you want my prrreciousssss, it'sss really really EVIL!

Narrator: Frodo is taken aback, the thought had never occurred to him. In shock, Frodo sings out:
Frodo: My Ring, is quite evil... My Ring is quite evil... My Ring, My Ring, My Ring, My Ring, My RINNNNNNGGGGG, Is very evil! But I still want it!!!

Narrator: Having heard his questioning, Pippin enters the scene. Shocked, and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Frodo singing this in front of the entire Shire. Pippin composes himself, and says:
Pippin: Frodo, that old ring of yours. Well, I'm sorry, I didn't know, but I sold it to the Wraith... because he's EVIL!!!

Narrator: Frodo is shocked, and stumbles back in lament.
Frodo: My Ring, has been solden...
Sam: Master Frodo, that's not a word!
Frodo: Shut up, Sam. I'm lamenting the loss of my Pre... Ring. My Ring has been stolen. Better, nitpick?
Sam: Mister Frodo, you need to learn to speak properly.
Frodo: You're wasting time.
Sam: Oh. Sorry. Pippin, let's go get some ale.
Pippin: Sure!
Frodo: You don't realize what you've done!!! Gandalf will kill me!!!!
Sam: One last thing.
<Conks Gollum over the head with frying pan.>
Sam: There. Carry on, Mister Frodo.
Frodo: YOU have no sense of pity. Oh, well. As I was singing... My Ring has been solded...
Sam: Ugg.
Frodo: My Ring has been solded. My Ring, back there, very evil, oh where, My RINNNNNGGGG!! Has been solded!

Narrator: Having heard his lamenting, both Gandalf, and a Ring Wraith enter the scene. Gandalf is holding the One Ring, and the Ring Wraith is lamenting for the loss of the One Ring. Frodo and the Ring Wraith are both shocked, and slightly embarrassed at the sight of each other’s frantic faces. He looks at Frodo, and is NOT thankful, but says, that way this will follow the song:
Wraith: Thanks for the One Ring... But I want it back!!! MWHA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!
Gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!!
Wraith: Oh, I'll be back for you, Old Man... Me AND my pet Balrog...
Gandalf: GO BACK TO THE SHADOW!!!!!
Pippin: Hit 'im with your staff!!!
Gandalf: Oh, okay!!!
<Wonk>
Frodo: This was MY song!!! You ruined it!!!! Now I can't sing the end: Take care of the One Ring!!!
Gandalf: You fool!!! Why'd you have to lose the Ring. I cannot trust you, young Baggins...
Frodo: But I wanted to do a song!!!! Gollum did!!!!
Gandalf: What that thing does is not of your concern. This Ring is Evil!!!!
Frodo: I know that!!! You can keep it. I want to finish the song!!!
Frodo looks at Gandalf wryly, but still feeling an emotional attachment to the Ring, cries out:
Frodo: Take care of the One Ring... Take care...
Gandalf: OH NO YOU DON'T!!! I'M NOT TAKING IT!!!
Frodo: Meany! Fine! Comon, Sam. Let's go and destroy the dumb thing.
Sam: Awww. I wanted to stay here!
Pippin: Great! So where are we goin’?

The End!
***

How's that?

-Eowyn Skywalker