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Old 06-27-2018, 03:20 PM   #1
ArcusCalion
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Silmaril Durin's Folk

This is the first draft of the chapter Durin's Folk.

This chapter uses Appendix A as a base text. However, I have marked every source and addition for clarity.

The markings are:
FY-HL-xx for all the headlines for the Fading Years.
DF-SL-xx for all expansions and changes to the narrative.

Some conventions of my writing:

Bold Text = source information, comments and remarks
{example} = text that should be deleted
[example] = normalized text, normally only used for general changes, as well as changes which are a part of replacement that is not grammatical.
Underlined Text = text changed for grammatical reasons in the process of combining and inserting and removing.
<source example> = additions with source information
...... = This section of the paragraph is unchanged from the source.

Quote:
FY-HL-12 <DURIN'S FOLK>

DF-SL-01 <Appendix A {But there}There were dragons in the wastes beyond the Grey Mountains; and after many years they became strong again and multiplied, ...... was slain at the door of his hall by a great cold-drake.
Not long after most of Durin’s Folk abandoned the Grey Mountains. Grór, ..... and there was feasting and song in the Halls of Erebor.
So the rumor of the wealth of Erebor spread .... Great Hall and lay there upon a bed of gold.
From the sack and the burning many of Thrór's ..... a small company of their kinsmen and faithful followers.
Years afterwards Thrór, now old, poor, ..... Of the Ring he said to Thráin at their parting:
'This may prove the foundation of new fortune for you yet, though that seems unlikely. But it needs gold to breed gold.'
'Surely you do not think of returning to Erebor?' said Thráin.
'Not at my age,' said Thrór. 'Our vengeance on Smaug I bequeath to you and your sons. But I am tired of poverty and the scorn of Men. I go to see what I can find.' He did not say where.
He was a little crazed perhaps with age ...... Redhorn Pass and came down into Azanulbizar.
When Thrór came to Moria the Gate ..... he began to creep near, but there came a voice from within the gate:
'Come on, beardling! We can see you. But there is no need to be afraid today. We need you as a messenger.'
Then Nár came up, and found that it was indeed ..... and the voice said:
'If beggars will not wait ..... I am the master!'
Then Nár turned the head and .... Azog [Footnote: Azog was the father of Bolg.] said:
'Drop it! Be off! .... coins of little worth.
Weeping, Nár fled down .... flinging the pieces to the black crows.

Such was the tale that Nár ..... deep places beneath the earth.
Thráin at once sent messengers .... Azog in every den under mountain.
At last all the Orcs that fled ..... held back by Azog for the last need.
At first fortune was against ..... mattocks all who stood in their way.
Then Náin stood before ..... in the valley too rough?'
Thereupon Azog came forth, .... he turned to Náin, and said:
'What? Yet another beggar .... neck was broken and he fell.
Then Azog laughed, and he lifted ..... fled back towards the Gate.
Up the steps after him ..... who has felt great fear.
When at last the battle ..... still stand or had hope of healing.
None the less in the morning ..... our hands are too small to hold it.'
And those who were not ..... Durin’s Folk walk again in Moria.'

So it was that after Azanulbizar ..... was seen in Lórien. [Footnote: Such dealings with the dead .... burned Dwarf,’ and that is enough.]
When the dreadful fires were ..... they can wield sharper tools again.'
So Thráin and Thorin with what remained ...... numbers slowly increased. [Footnote: They had very few women-folk. Dís Thráin’s daughter was there. She was the mother of Fíli and Kíli, who were born in the Ered Luin. Thorin had no wife. DF-SL-02 <Appendix A Of the other companions of Thorin Oakenshield in the journey to Erebor Ori, Nori, and Dori were also of the House of Durin, and more remote kinsmen of Thorin: Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur were descended from Dwarves of Moria but were not of Durin’s line.>] But, as Thrór had said, ..... metal they had little or none.

Of this Ring something may be said here. DF-SL-03 used in Of the Rings of Power {It was believed by the Dwarves of Durin’s Folk to be the first of the Seven that was forged; and they say that it was given to the King of Khazad-dûm, Durin III, by the Elven-smiths themselves and not by Sauron, though doubtless his evil power was on it, since he had aided in the forging of all the Seven. But the possessors of the Ring did not display it or speak of it, and they seldom surrendered it until near death, so that others did not know for certain where it was bestowed.} Some thought that it had remained in Khazad-dûm, ..... not found on the body of Azog.
None the less it may well be, ..... Dwarves had proved untamable by this means. DF-SL-04 <Making of Appendix A Note 7 The Ring-wearer became rich especially in gold: that is his dealings brought him wealth according to what he traded in: if in lead, lead, if in silver, silver, if in gems, then gems more abundant and of greater size and worth.> The only power over them ..... possessors and desire to dispossess them.

It was therefore perhaps partly ..... said farewell and departed.
Little is known of what happened ..... and them at last he died.
So Thorin Oakenshield became .... Lonely Mountain far away.
The years lengthened. The embers .... smote the red iron on the anvil.>
DF-SL-05 <Appendix A
Dís was the daughter of Thráin II. She is the only dwarf-woman .... and that the Dwarves 'grow out of stone'.
It is because of the fewness ...... being engrossed in their crafts.>
FY-HL-01: The title is self-explanatory. This chapter deals with the War of the Dwarves and Orcs and its leadup and fallout, so the title is fitting.

DF-SL-01: We start where we left off with the Dwarven narrative in Appendix A. Some slight editing is done to create a cohesive beginning of a chapter.

DF-SL-02: This is part of a later footnote to the family tree of the Longbeard Dwarves given later on in Appendix A. I think it is relevant and goes well here.

DF-SL-03: This text was used in Of the Rings of Power and so I removed it here. I do not think we lose much this way.

DF-SL-04: This bit from an earlier draft is not given in the published Appendix A, but I think is worth including.

DF-SL-05: This addition from Appendix A is worth including, but perhaps this is not the best place. If anyone has a better idea, I am open to it.

Last edited by ArcusCalion; 06-27-2018 at 06:30 PM.
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Old 06-28-2018, 04:00 PM   #2
Findegil
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DF-SL-01.4, DF-SL-01.5 & DF-SL-05: I agree that the placement of DF-SL-05 does fit Appendix A but not so much our setting. I would therefore propose the following changes:
Quote:
From the sack and the burning many of Thrór's kin escaped; and last of all from the halls by a secret door came Thrór himself and his son Thráin II. They went away south with their family DF-SL-01.4{[Footnote to the text: Among whom were the children of Thráin II: Thorin (Oakenshield), Frerin, and Dís. Thorin was then a youngster in the reckoning of the Dwarves. It was afterwards learned that more of the Folk under the Mountain had escaped than was at first hoped; but most went to the Iron Hills.]} into long and homeless wandering. With them went also a small company of their kinsmen and faithful followers. DF-SL-01.5<LotR, Appendix A, Footnote 44 Among whom were the children of Thráin II: Thorin (Oakenshield), Frerin, and Dís. Thorin was then a youngster in the reckoning of the Dwarves. It was afterwards learned that more of the Folk under the Mountain had escaped than was at first hoped; but most went to the Iron Hills.>DF-SL-05b<Appendix A
Dís was the daughter of Thráin II. She is the only dwarf-woman named in these histories. It was said by Gimli that there are few dwarf-women, probably no more than a third of the whole people. They seldom walk abroad except at great need, They are in voice and appearance, and in garb if they must go on a journey, so like to the dwarf-men that the eyes and ears of other peoples cannot tell them apart. This has given rise to the foolish opinion among Men that there are no dwarf-women, and that the Dwarves 'grow out of stone'.
It is because of the fewness of women among them that the kind of the Dwarves increases slowly, and is in peril when they have no secure dwellings. For Dwarves take only one wife or husband each in their lives, and are jealous, as in all matters of their rights. The number of dwarf-men that marry is actually less than one-third. For not all the women take husbands: some desire none; some desire one that they cannot get, and so will have no other. As for the men, very many also do not desire marriage, being engrossed in their crafts.>
Years afterwards Thrór, now old, poor, and desperate, …
DF-SL-02.2 to DF-SL-02.6 & DF-SL-03b: Even so the events reported in the following additions do not belong to the tale of Dúrin’s Folk, they have a close connection since they tell the aftermath of the war of the Dwarves against the Orcs and I think therefore they should be reported here.
And I think we should give a short reminder of the history of the Ring of Thráin.
Quote:
… But, as Thrór had said, the Ring needed gold to breed gold, and of that or any other precious metal they had little or none.
DF-SL-02.2<LotR, Appendix A II In {his time}the time of King Brytta of Rohan there was war with Orcs that, driven from the North, sought refuges in the White Mountains. DF-SL-02.2<based on HoMe 12; HoE; The House of Dol Amroth /The fivteenth Lord of Dol Amroth was/ {‘}slain in battle{‘ the first has ‘Battle} with Orcs{‘}.
>When {he}King Brytta died it was thought that they had all been hunted out; but it was not so.> DF-SL-02.4<LotR, Appendix A II He was called by his people Léofa, for he was loved by all; he was openhanded and a help to all the needy.> DF-SL-02.5<LotR, Appendix A II {He}His son Walda was king only nine years. He was slain with all his companions when they were trapped by Orcs, as they rode by mountain-paths from Dunharrow.> DF-SL-02.6<LotR, Appendix A II {He}Folca, Walda’s son was a great hunter, but he vowed to chase no wild beast while there was an Orc left in Rohan. When the last orc-hold was found and destroyed, he went to hunt the great boar of Everholt in the Firien Wood. He slew the boar but died of the tusk-wounds that it gave him.
>
Of {this Ring}the Ring of Thráin something may be said here. DF-SL-03b used in Of the Rings of Power It was believed {by the Dwarves of Durin’s Folk }to be the first of the Seven that was forged; and {they say that it was }given to the King of Khazad-dûm, Durin III.{, by the Elven-smiths themselves and not by Sauron, though doubtless his evil power was on it, since he had aided in the forging of all the Seven. But the possessors of the Ring did not display it or speak of it, and they seldom surrendered it until near death, so that others did not know for certain where it was bestowed.} Some thought that it had remained in Khazad-dûm …
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Old 06-29-2018, 06:57 AM   #3
ArcusCalion
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DF-SL-1.5: I would change 'Among whom' to 'Among these' because as it is, it is not a sentence. This works fine for a footnote, but not as a sentence in the main body of the work. The rest is great, and a much better placement than I had.

DF-SL-02.2 to 03b: It's funny, I had included this information in this chapter at the end, but then I moved it to The Stewards, which is the second to last chapter. However, I think it does work here, so I agree to its being used. There is one more relevant addition, and I would also edit it somewhat differently:
Quote:
DF-SL-02.1 <Appendix A It was in the days of Beregond that the War of the Dwarves and Orcs was fought in the Misty Mountains (2793-9), of which only rumor came south, until the Orcs fleeing from Nanduhirion attempted to cross Rohan and establish themselves in the White Mountains. There was fighting for many years in the dales before that danger was ended.>
DF-SL-02.2 <Appendix A
After Fréaláf died, Brytta became King of Rohan. He was called by his people Léofa, for he was loved by all; he was openhanded and a help to all the needy. In his time {there was war with}the Orcs {that}, driven from the North, sought refuges in the White Mountains. DF-SL-02.3 <based on HoMe 12; HoE; The House of Dol Amroth /The fifteenth Lord of Dol Amroth was/ {‘}slain in battle {‘ the first has ‘Battle} with Orcs{‘}.> When {he}Brytta died it was thought that they had all been hunted out; but it was not so.>
DF-SL-02.5 <Appendix A Walda {He}his son was king only nine years. He was slain with all his companions when they were trapped by Orcs, as they rode by mountain-paths from Dunharrow.> DF-SL-02.6 <Appendix A Folca {He}after him was a great hunter, but he vowed to chase no wild beast while there was an Orc left in Rohan. When the last orc-hold was found and destroyed, he went to hunt the great boar of Everholt in the Firien Wood. He slew the boar but died of the tusk-wounds that it gave him.>
I think the Beregond addition is important, and I think the edits I have flow a bit better, but I suppose that can be disputed.
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Old 06-29-2018, 04:58 PM   #4
Findegil
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DF-SL-01.5: Agreed.

DF-SL-02.1: Agreed.

DF-SL-02.2: If we take your editing we jump backward and forward, as we tell in the Beregond addition about the fleeing orcs, than we jump back to the death of Fréaláf and Brytta becaming King, telling of his worth as ruler and than agian about the fight against the Orcs.

DF-SL-02.3: Here we jump now geographically back and forward first Gondor with Beregond fighting the Orcs, than Brytta, next again Gondor with the death of the Lord of Dol Amroth and next back to Rohan. I would therefore exchange DF-SL-02.2 and DF-SL-02.3.

DF-SL-02.6: Folca must have been a great hunter before his father died, so I don't think 'after him' is a good edit here.

So what about this editing:
Quote:
... and of that or any other precious metal they had little or none.
DF-SL-02.2<LotR, Appendix A It was in the days of Beregond that the War of the Dwarves and Orcs was fought in the Misty Mountains (2793-9), of which only rumor came south, until the Orcs fleeing from Nanduhirion attempted to cross Rohan and establish themselves in the White Mountains. There was fighting for many years in the dales before that danger was ended.> DF-SL-02.2b<based on HoMe 12; HoE; The House of Dol Amroth /The fivteenth Lord of Dol Amroth was/ {‘}slain in {battle‘ the first has ‘Battle}/one of the first battles/ with the Orcs{‘}.
>DF-SL-02.4b<LotR, Appendix A II {He}Brytta, Son of Fréaláf, King of Rohan was called by his people Léofa, for he was loved by all; he was openhanded and a help to all the needy. In his time there was war with Orcs that, driven from the North, sought refuges in the White Mountains. When he died it was thought that they had all been hunted out; but it was not so.> DF-SL-02.5<LotR, Appendix A II Walda {He}his son was king only nine years. He was slain with all his companions when they were trapped by Orcs, as they rode by mountain-paths from Dunharrow.> DF-SL-02.6<LotR, Appendix A II {He}Folca, Walda’s son was a great hunter, but he vowed to chase no wild beast while there was an Orc left in Rohan. When the last orc-hold was found and destroyed, he went to hunt the great boar of Everholt in the Firien Wood. He slew the boar but died of the tusk-wounds that it gave him.
>
Of {this Ring}the Ring of Thráin something may be said here. ...
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Findegil

Last edited by Findegil; 06-29-2018 at 05:29 PM.
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Old 06-29-2018, 07:03 PM   #5
ArcusCalion
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This is perfect, agreed.
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