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Old 05-30-2018, 03:40 PM   #1
Findegil
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Aman and Mortal Men

This is the first draft of the chapter Aman and Mortal Men in the part The Black Years.

There is no Basic Text in this chapter and I will give source information for each part that is used. They are mostly from The Akallabęth in Sil77 and Aman and Mortal Men from HoME 10, MT, Text XI.

The markings are:
BY-HL-zz for Black Years, Head-Lines, marking all headlines for the chapters in this part.

AMM-SL-zz for Aman and Mortal Men, Story-Line, to document all changes that construct the main text.

AMM-HA-zz for Aman and Mortal Men, History of the Akallabęth, to document all reconstruction to the original text. I will normally not comment on these.

Some conventions of my writing:
Normal Text is from the text that is mentioned in the source information of each insert.
Bold Text = source information, comments and remarks
{example} = text that should be deleted
[example] = normalised text, normally only used for general changes
<source example> = additions with source information
example = text inserted for grammatical or metrical reason
/example/ = outline expansion
Normally if an inserted text includes the beginning of a new § these is indicated by a missing “>” at the end of the § and a missing “<” at the beginning of the next.
Quote:
BY-HL-13 <MT, Text XI Aman and Mortal Men
>AMM-SL-01<Akallabęth Thus the years passed, … and on the shores of the Hither Lands.
For the Dúnedain became mighty in crafts, … adventure of their hardy men in the gallant days of their youth.
But the Lords of Valinor forbade them … and the lands where all things endure.
For in those days Valinor still remained … and flowered in the evening, and the shadows of night it filled with its fragrance.
Thus it was that … And coming among them the Númenóreans taught them many things. AMM-HA-01 <History of the Akalabeth Language they taught them, for the tongues of the Men of Middle-earth, save in the old lands of the Edain, were fallen into brutishness, and they cried like harsh birds, or snarled like savage beasts.> Corn and wine they brought, … such as it might be in the lands of swift death and little bliss.
Then the Men of Middle-earth were comforted, … but ever west their hearts returned.
Now this yearning grew ever greater … and most of all against the Ban which forbade them to sail into the West.
And they said among themselves: … and greet there our friends?'
And some there were who said: 'Why should we not go even to Aman, and taste there, were it but for a day, the bliss of the AMM-HA-02 {Powers}<History of the Akalabeth Great>? Have we not become mighty among the people of AMM-HA-03 {Arda}<History of the Akalabeth Earth>?'
The Eldar reported these words to the Valar, … as moths in a light too strong and steadfast.'
But the King said: 'And does not Eärendil, my forefather, live? Or is he not in the land of Aman?'
To which they answered: 'You know that he has a fate apart, and was adjudged to the Firstborn who die not; yet this also is his doom that he can never return again to mortal lands. Whereas AMM-HA-04{you}<History of the Akalabeth thou> and {your}<History of the Akalabeth thy> people are not of the Firstborn, but are mortal Men as Ilúvatar made you. Yet it seems that you desire now to have the good of both kindreds, to sail to Valinor when you will, and to return when you please to your homes. That cannot be. Nor can the Valar take away the gifts of Ilúvatar. The Eldar, you say, are unpunished, and even those who rebelled do not die. Yet that is to them neither reward nor punishment, but the fulfilment of their being. They cannot escape, and are bound to this world, never to leave it so long as it lasts, for its life is theirs. And you <History of the Akalabeth , thou sayest,> are punished for the rebellion of Men,{ you say,} in which you had small part, and so it is that you die. But that was not at first appointed for a punishment. Thus you escape, and leave the world, and are not bound to it, in hope or in weariness. Which of us therefore should envy the others?"
And the Númenóreans answered: 'Why should we not envy the Valar, or even the least of the Deathless? For of us is required a blind trust, and a hope without assurance, knowing not what lies before us in a little while. And yet we also love the Earth and would not lose it.'
Then the Messengers said: 'Indeed the mind of Ilúvatar concerning you is not known to the Valar, and he has not revealed all things that are to come. But this we hold to be true, that your home is not here, neither in the Land of Aman nor anywhere within the AMM-HA-05{Circles of the World}<History of the Akalabeth girdle of the Earth>. And the Doom of Men, … Hope rather that in the end even the least of your desires shall have fruit. The love of AMM-HA-06{Arda}<History of the Akalabeth this Earth> was set in your hearts by Ilúvatar, and he does not plant to no purpose. Nonetheless, many ages of Men unborn may pass ere that purpose is made known; and to you it will be revealed and not to the Valar.'
These things took place in the days of Tar-Ciryatan the Shipbuilder, … and leave the mastery to their sons when these were come to full stature of body and mind.>BY-HL-14 <editorial addition
* * *
>AMM-SL-02 <MT, Text XI If it is AMM-SL-03 {thus }in Aman, or was ere the Change of the World,<editiroal additionbased on MT, Text XI, ‘Aman’ like it has been reported that the Elvish speed of 'growth' accorded with the unit of Valian time, so that{ made} it was possible for the Valar to bring the Eldar to dwell in Aman,> and therein the Eldar had health and lasting joy, … and would 'wither even as a moth in a flame too bright'.
Beyond these words we can but go in guess. … Even the Eldar in that respect remained unchanged.

Let us suppose then that the Valar … the Shadow upon Arda in which they came into being.)
But in Aman such a creature would be a fleeting thing, the most swift-passing of all beasts. For AMM-SL-04{his whole life would last little more than one half-year, and} while all other living creatures would seem to him hardly to change, … but would be burdened by it unbearably to the loss of all delight.
But if any should ask: … would have increased and more lasting joy{ [sic]}. Some indeed of the Eldar doubt that … if not indeed of all Ëa.
So that all that happened in Aman was that this weakness of the Elvish hröar did not develop in the health of Aman and the Light of the Trees.
But let us suppose that … Their bodies would still come swiftly to full growth. AMM-SL-05{In the seventh part of a year a}A Man could be born and become full-grown, as swiftly as in Aman a bird would hatch and fly from the nest. … the knowledge or guess of the Eldar.
Very soon then the fëa and hröa of a Man in Aman … which the Valar themselves would fain destroy.
Now these things are but matters of thought, … would with Men enter into Aman itself.>
Some comments on my editing:

BY-HL-13: As will be seen this chapter is a kind of collection, but this title seems fitting.

AMM-SL-01: We start with a long passage from the Akallabęth telling of the development of the desire of the Númenorens and the reaction of the Valar.

AMM-HA-04: In the following passage I tried to use ’thus’ and ’thy’, but I am open to changes, since I am not surfe the us I made is correct.

BY-HL-14 & AMM-SL-02: Here we change to text Aman. But I don’t think we should use the title, therefore I replaced it by this editorial addition.

AMM-SL-03: The reference of ‘thus’ is removed with the new place of the text and we have to remove some of the essay character.

AMM-SL-04, AMM-SL-05: We avoided specifying the length of the Valian Year. So we have to be ambiguous here as well.

Respectfully
Findegil
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Old 05-30-2018, 05:53 PM   #2
ArcusCalion
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I agree to all of the changes, but for AMM-SL-03 the editing is awkward, and I would simplify it thus:
Quote:
AMM-SL-02 <MT, Text XI If it is AMM-SL-03 thus in Aman, or was ere the Change of the World,<editorial addition based on MT, Text XI, ‘Aman’ that the Elvish speed of 'growth' accorded with the unit of Valian time, so that {made} it was possible for the Valar to bring the Eldar to dwell in Aman,> and therein the Eldar had health and lasting joy, what shall we say of Men?
By keeping the thus, but adding in the addition from earlier in Aman, we now make the thus refer to this addition here, instead of to the earlier discussion. Therefore it is not necessary to include the added 'like it has been reported'. I think this flows much more smoothly.

As a side note, when laying out your drafts to me earlier, you originally included more material after the inserted Aman essay. Why the choice to end the chapter here instead?

Last edited by ArcusCalion; 05-30-2018 at 06:01 PM.
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Old 05-31-2018, 02:44 PM   #3
Findegil
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AAM-SL-02 : Agreed.

Sorry I am not aware what I proposed differently. There ia no more of the Aman essay. And what follows in the Akallabeth is used in the next chapter.

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Old 05-31-2018, 07:10 PM   #4
ArcusCalion
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Ah ok I must have misunderstood. My bad!
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