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Old 07-19-2018, 11:46 PM   #1
ArcusCalion
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Silmaril The War of the Ring

This is the first draft of the chapter The War of the Ring.

This chapter is a thoroughly mixed bag of sources, and so there is no base text. Because of this, I have marked every instance of any text used, so as to be easy to follow.

The markings are:
FY-HL-xx for all the headlines for the Fading Years.
WR-SL-xx for all expansions and changes to the narrative.

Some conventions of my writing:

Bold Text = source information, comments and remarks
{example} = text that should be deleted
[example] = normalized text, normally only used for general changes, as well as changes which are a part of replacement that is not grammatical.
Underlined Text = text changed for grammatical reasons in the process of combining and inserting and removing.
<source example> = additions with source information
...... = This section of the paragraph is unchanged from the source.

Quote:
FY-HL-20 < THE WAR OF THE RING>

WR-SL-01 <LotR Synopsis {Book Four turned to}After the breaking of the Fellowship, Frodo and Samwise {, now}had been lost in the bleak hills of Emyn Muil. {It told how}In time, they escaped from the hills, and were overtaken by Sméagol-Gollum; {and how}but Frodo tamed Gollum and almost overcame his malice, so that Gollum led them through the Dead Marshes and ruined lands to the Morannon, the Black Gate of the Land of Mordor in the North.
There it was impossible to enter ...... led by the black King of the Ringwraiths: the War of the Ring had begun.>

FY-HL-21
The Ring in the Shadow

WR-SL-02 <LotR Synopsis Gollum guided the hobbits ..... and wounded Shelob.
WR-SL-03 {The second part ends with}Then came the choices of Samwise. Frodo, stung by Shelob, {lies}lay dead, as it {seems}seemed: the quest {must}would end in disaster, or Samwise {must}would need to abandon his master. At length he {takes}took the Ring and {attempts}attempted to carry on the hopeless quest alone. But just as he {is}was about to cross into the land of Mordor, orcs {come}came up from Minas Morgul and down from the tower of Cirith Ungol that guards the crown of the pass. Hidden by the Ring Samwise {learns}learned from the bickering of the orcs that Frodo {is}was not dead but drugged. Too late he {pursues}pursued them; but orcs {carry}carried off the body of Frodo down a tunnel leading to the rear gate of their tower. Samwise {falls}fell in a swoon before it {closes}closed with a clang.
WR-SL-04 {This, the third and last part, will tell of the opposing strategies of Gandalf and Sauron, until the final catastrophe and the end of the great darkness. We return first to the fortunes of battle in the West.}>
WR-SL-05 <Letter to Milton Waldman, published in LotR: A Reader’s Companion
{The Fifth Book returns to the precise point at which Book Three ended.} Gandalf on his great horse (with the Hobbit Peregrin Took) {passing}passed along the great 'northroad', South to Gondor. WR-SL-06 {Now we come}They came at last to the half-ruinous {Byzantine} City of Minas Tirith, and {meet}greeted its grim lord, the old proud wizard-like Steward, Denethor. He {prepares}prepared for war and hopeless siege. The last levies from the remaining fiefs {march}marched in. The great darkness {comes}came. The Nazgûl {ride}rode the air, cowing all hearts. Slowly the assault {begins}began and {mounts}mounted in fire and terror. Denethor {commits}committed suicide. The Sorcerer-King, Captain of the Black Riders, {overthrows}overthrew the 'unbreakable' gates of the City. Gandalf alone {is}was left to face him. The siege {is}was raised at the last moment by the coming at last of the Riders of Rohan, led by their ancient king Théoden. The charge of their horsemen {saves}saved the field. Then the great battle of the Pelennor Fields {is}was joined. Théoden {falls}fell. Victory {turns}turned towards the Enemy.>
WR-SL-07 <Making of Appendix A
In all this time, while the world darkened and Aragorn was abroad in labour and danger, Arwen abode in Imladris; and there from afar she watched over {him}Aragorn in thought, and in hope under the Shadow ..... and in that day men first hailed Aragorn as king.>
WR-SL-08 <Letter to Milton Waldman
{, but Aragorn appears in the Great River with a fleet, coming as the Númenóreans of old as it were up out of the Sea, and he raises for the first time in many ages the Banner of the King.} After the victory (and destruction of the Captain of the Black Riders) WR-SL-09 {the Book ends in}he began the last desperate deed of the West. To draw off the eyes of the Enemy, in case Frodo {is}was indeed come to his land, and also because sitting still in a fortress would end at last only in ruin, all that {can}could be mustered of the Men of Rohan and Gondor {march}marched away openly to assault the very gates of Mordor. WR-SL-10 <ORP In that last battle were Mithrandir, and the sons of Elrond, and the King of Rohan, and lords of Gondor, and the Heir of Isildur with the Dúnedain of the North.> WR-SL-11 {In the last pages of this Book we see the}They were faced with a hopeless defeat of the forlorn hope. The hobbit among them (Peregrin) {falls}fell under the weight of the slain, and as consciousness {fails}failed and he {passes}passed into forgetfulness, he {seems}seemed to hear the cry of 'The Eagles'. But WR-SL-12 {he remembers that was the turning point of Bilbo's story, which he knew well, and} laughing at his fancy his spirit {flies}flew away, and he {remembers}remembered no more.
WR-SL-13 {The Sixth and Last Book begins where the Fourth left off. We now have}Meanwhile the {apiozeia [}prowess{]} of Sam had shown itself, his supreme plain dogged common-sensible heroism in aid of his master. {I cannot 'pot' these chapters in which I have told (and, I think, even made credible in their mode) how he}He rescued his master, {how}and he guided and aided him through the horrors and deadly perils of Mordor, until at the very edge of death (by hunger, thirst and fear and the growing burden of the Ring), they {reach}reached the Mountain of Doom and the high chamber of the Fire - dogged still by the relentless Gollum, over whom the Ring that he no longer {possesses has}possessed had a power that nothing but death could heal. {We reach}They reached the brink of the Fire, and the whole plan {fails}failed. The Ring {conquers}conquered. Frodo {cannot}could not bear to destroy it. He {renounces}renounced the Quest, and {claims}claimed the Ring and {puts}put it on his finger. The Dark Lord {is}was suddenly aware of him and all the plot. His whole appalling will {is}was withdrawn from the battle at the Gates and concentrated on the Mountain (within sight of his throne). Gollum {comes}came up, and {wrestles}wrestled on the brink for mastery with Frodo. He {bites}bit off finger and Ring, and {screams}screamed with exultation, but {falls}fell in his mad capering into the abyss, and so {ends}ended. And so the Ring {is}was after all unmade - and even the treachery of Gollum {has}had served its end WR-SL-14 {(as Gandalf foretold)}. The Hobbits {are}were nearly overwhelmed in the resulting cataclysm. From afar they {glimpse}glimpsed through the clouds the catastrophic downfall of the Dark Tower, and the disintegration of Sauron. The Mountain {erupts}erupted. At last they {lie}lay choked in fume and flame on a last rock-isle in a sea of molten lava. WR-SL-15 {The scene shifts back to the exact moment at which Book Five ended. We see and hear now from afar the same shattering ruin.} The forces of Sauron, bereft (like termites with a dead queen) of all direction and will, {fly and disintegrate}fled and disintegrated. The vast figure of Sauron {rears}reared up, terrible but impotent, as it {passes}passed away on the wind, a shadow that shall never again take substance.>
WR-SL-16 <ORP
Then Sauron failed, and he was utterly vanquished and passed away like a shadow of malice; and the towers of Barad-dûr crumbled in ruin, and at the rumor of their fall many lands trembled.> WR-SL-17 <Letter to Milton Waldman The cry of 'the Eagles' really {is}was heard. They {come}came down the wind from the North, and directed by Gandalf, {bear}bore up the bodies of Frodo and Sam and {bring}brought them out of the ruin of Mordor.>
WR-SL-18 <Appendix A
{And at}At last when all was done {he}Aragorn entered into the inheritance of his fathers and received the crown of Gondor and scepter of Arnor; and at Midsummer in the year of the Fall of Sauron he took the hand of Arwen Undómiel, and they were wedded in the city of the Kings.> WR-SL-19 <Appendix A And after the War the days of the Ruling Stewards came to an end; for the heir of Isildur and Anárion returned and the kingship was renewed, and the standard of the White Tree flew once more from the Tower of Ecthelion.> WR-SL-20 <ORP Thus peace came again, and a new Spring opened on earth; {and the Heir of Isildur was crowned King of Gondor and Arnor,} and the might of the Dúnedain was lifted up and their glory renewed. In the courts of Minas Anor the White Tree flowered again, for a seedling was found by Mithrandir in the snows of Mindolluin that rose tall and white above the City of Gondor; and while it still grew there the Elder Days were not wholly forgotten in the hearts of the Kings.>
WR-SL-21 <Quest for Erebor
After the crowning {we}the Fellowship stayed in a fair house in Minas Tirith with Gandalf, and he was very merry, and though {we}they asked him questions about all that came into {our}their minds his patience seemed as endless as his knowledge. {I cannot now}They could not recall most of the things that he told {us}them; often {we}they did not understand them. But {I remember this}Frodo remembered one conversation very clearly. Gimli was there with {us}the hobbits, and he said to Peregrin: ..... very strangely,’ he said, and paused.
Then looking hard at Gandalf ..... was not that your design?’
Gandalf did not answer ...... guide you both to those points.
‘To do that I used in my waking ...... who are there shall I speak openly.’
Then {I}Frodo said: ‘I understand ..... an old grey man as you seemed.’>

WR-SL-22 <Appendix B
After the fall of the Dark Tower and the passing of Sauron ...... and the forest was cleansed.
In the North also there had been war ...... there was no longer light or song in Caras Galadhon. WR-SL-23 <GC Appendix A By the end of the Third Age the Silvan tongues had probably ceased to be spoken in the two regions that had importance at the time of the War of the Ring: Lórien and the realm of Thranduil in northern Mirkwood. All that survived of them in the records was a few words and several names of persons and places.>
At the same time as the great armies ..... and there withstood a siege.
When news came of the great victories ..... crown and protection of the King of the West.>
WR-SL-24 <Appendix A: Durin's Folk
{when}When the War came at last the main assault of Sauron was turned southwards; yet even so with his far-stretched right hand ..... had come to Gondor of events far away.
'I grieved at the fall of Thorin,' said Gandalf; ..... Gate of Erebor until the darkness fell.
'Yet things might have gone far otherwise ..... A chance-meeting, as we say in Middle-earth.'>
WR-SL-25 <Making of Appendix A
And the line of Dáin prospered, and the wealth and renown of the kingship was renewed, until there arose again for the last time an heir of that House that bore the name of Durin, and he returned to Moria; and there was light again in deep places, and the ringing of hammers and the harping of harps, until the world grew old and the Dwarves failed and the days of Durin’s race were ended.>
WR-SL-26 <Appendix A
Gimli Glóin's son is renowned, .... reverence for the Lady Galadriel.
After the fall of Sauron, Gimli brought ..... fairest country in all the westlands.>
WR-SL-27 <Letter to Milton Waldman
The Hobbits, still hobbits in idiom and stature, but clad now in the arms and garb of the high chivalry of the South, fearless and ennobled, {approach}returned to the Shire and Gandalf {says}said farewell. They {go}went on to discover that the tentacles of the evil of that time {have}had reached even to their beloved land in their absence. Greed and ambition {has}had touched even the Hobbits, and one of Frodo's kin {has}had tried to corner all the wealth and the power of the community. He had long been in secret communication with Saruman, only to be outwitted: for evil Men, servants of Saruman, {have}had really usurped him, ruling all by pillage and force. Barracks {disfigure}disfigured the villages, trees {are}were felled far and wide, rivers fouled, and mills turned to machines. The 'scouring of the Shire' ending in the last battle ever fought there {occupies a chapter}. It {is}was followed by a second spring, a marvelous restoration and enhancement of bounty, chiefly wrought by Sam (with the help of gifts given him in Lórien).>
FY-HL-20: I think this headline is pretty self-explanatory, and I have already said why I prefer to use it for this chapter instead of a different overarching title.

WR-SL-01: We continue where we left off in the Synopsis, with some slight editing to make it flow as a narrative. At the end of this section we have the statement that the War of the Ring is officially begun.

FY-HL-21: Here we have the Darkness descended, and so the Ring is literally in the Shadow. Therefore I think this is the best place to use this heading. We do not strictly need it, so it can be removed if it feels unnecessary.

WR-SL-02: We pick back up with the Synopsis.

WR-SL-03: I put a marker here, but this is still the Synopsis, but this part of it needed some heavy editing to flow as a narrative. I am not sure I did it the best way possible, so if anyone has any suggestions on how to turn it into a narrative better, I would love to hear them.

WR-SL-04: This marks the removal of the last sentences of the Synopsis, which deal with setting up Return of the King.

WR-SL-05: Here we switch to the text of the Milton Waldman letter, since there is no other summary of the events of Return of the King.

WR-SL-06: This marker can serve as the mark for the heavy editing done to this section to make it flow as a narrative in the past tense by a remote observer.

WR-SL-07: This addition comes from the much expanded summary of the War of the Ring which was given in an earlier draft of The Tale of Aragorn and Arwen in HoME 12. Before Fin suggested the Synopsis and the Waldman letter, I had used that summary for the whole thing, but I still think this paragraph contains a large portion of information not given elsewhere, so I think we should use it.

WR-SL-08: Here we return to the letter, removing the portion which was replaced by the Aragorn and Arwen summary insert.

WR-SL-09: This marker serves to denote the editing for this section.

WR-SL-10: Here we give some relevant details from Of the Rings of Power.

WR-SL-11: We return to the Waldman letter, making edits as needed.

WR-SL-12: I removed this line since in our drafts, this fact of the Eagles arriving at the Battle of Five Armies is not mentioned, so I do not think we should include this reference here.

WR-SL-13: Removing commentary by Tolkien.

WR-SL-14: We did not mention Gandalf's foretelling in our draft, so I think we should remove this phrase.

WR-SL-15: Removing some commentary.

WR-SL-16: Here we add in some relevant details from Of the Rings of Power.

WR-SL-17: We return to the Waldman letter for the conclusion to the journey of Frodo.

WR-SL-18: Here we move to the Tale of Aragorn and Arwen in Appendix A to continue the narrative, where we have the crowning of Aragorn and his wedding to Arwen.

WR-SL-19: Here we have the detail from The Stewards in Appendix A that the Stewards ended at this time.

WR-SL-20: Here we give the relevant details from Of the Rings of Power, removing the bit about the crowning for its redundancy.

WR-SL-21: This part of the framing device for The Quest for Erebor was lost from our version since we put it in the main story, but I think it is worth including, since it shows Gandalf reflecting on his origin in Valinor, and is a rare and interesting glimpse into him as an incarnate Ainu. I edited it lightly to remove the first person of Frodo's writing.

WR-SL-22: Here we switch to Appendix B to relate the events happening elsewhere in the world during the War of the Ring.

WR-SL-23: With this last addition from Galadriel and Celeborn Appendix A, the full account of the evolution of the Silvan language is complete.

WR-SL-24: This piece of Durin's Folk is a nice addition, and I think is worth including in this spot.

WR-SL-25: This is the bit of Appendix A that was supposed to relate the recolonizing of Moria, but was inexplicably left out of the published Appendix. I have restored it here.

WR-SL-26: Here we relate the fame of Gimli and Legolas and their deeds after the war, which I think fit best here while we are talking about Erebor and Mirkwood.

WR-SL-27: Here we return to the Waldman letter for the account of the Scouring of the Shire, given nowhere else, with which we close out the chapter. I have only edited it lightly to make it narratively coherent.

Phew! That was one of the difficult chapters to make smoothly, and this version represents many many drafts revised over time. I'm sure it has many problems, but overall I think it manages to relate the end of the entire saga quite well.
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Old 07-20-2018, 06:40 PM   #2
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FY-HL-21: In the way the events are arranged here, I would not use this title at all. Where does this sub-chapter end?
We could consider to arrange the story differently and start with telling about the War first and then leave Aragorn, Peregrin & co. at the Morannon, while recounting Frodo’s journey from Emil Muil to the destruction of the Ring and the flight to the isle in the lava under this sub-title. But I wood not do so and simply leave the sub title out.

WR-SL-06: Why do we change from ‘meet’ to ‘greeted’ and not to ‘met’?

WR-SL-09: Is it Aragorn alone, who initiated the attack on Mordor? I don’t think so:
Quote:
After the victory (and destruction of the Captain of the Black Riders) WR-SL-09{the Book ends in}there began the last desperate deed of the West.
WR-SL-12 & WR-SL-14: I think we should include both. As said before we can assume that our reads have a fair knowledge of both The Hobbit and LotR. And even if not we may assume that they will read these books later. Any case such links are rather to be welcomed and not deleted.

WR-SL-12: I would edit this a bit differently:
Quote:
WR-SL-15{The scene shifts back to the exact moment at which Book Five ended. We see and hear now}The captains of the West saw and heared from afar the same shattering ruin. The forces of Sauron, …
WR-SL-22: First: There are typo’s here: there are two full stops before ‘but’. I suppose these must be comae. The same after ‘invaded’ in the next paragraph.
For a time I thougth,that this might be put in earlier, but after reading the full chapter I agree with the placement.

Congratulations, very nicely edited!

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Old 07-20-2018, 10:24 PM   #3
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FY-HL-21: Agreed, it is superfluous, so we can leave it out.

WR-SL-06: I did this because Gandalf has known Denethor for a long time, so he would not be said to 'meet' him for the first time, but we can change it to 'met' if you prefer, I do not feel strongly either way.

WR-SL-09: Agreed.

WR-SL-12/14: Very well, we can keep it.

WR-SL-15: Agreed to this change.

WR-SL-22: I will fix these.

Compared to the last chapters, this was very painless!

Last edited by ArcusCalion; 07-21-2018 at 06:08 PM.
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Old 07-23-2018, 04:58 PM   #4
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I think that the passage from Appendix A concerning Théoden is best used in this chapter:
Quote:
... The siege {is}was raised at the last moment by the coming at last of the Riders of Rohan, led by their ancient king Théoden.> WR-SL-05.3<Appendix A He is called Théoden Ednew in the lore of Rohan, for he fell into a decline under the spells of Saruman, but was healed by Gandalf, and in the last year of his life arose and led his men to victory at the Hornburg, and soon after to the Fields of Pelennor, the greatest battle of the Age. He fell before the gates of Mundburg. For a while he rested in the land of his birth, among the dead Kings of Gondor, but was brought back and laid in the eighth mound of his line at Edoras. Then a new line was begun.> WR-SL-05.6<Letter to Milton Waldman, published in LotR: A Reader’s Companion The charge of their horsemen {saves}saved the field. Then the great battle of the Pelennor Fields {is}was joined. Théoden {falls.} WR-SL-05.7<Appendix A{He} fell before the gates of Mundburg. For a while he rested in the land of his birth, among the dead Kings of Gondor, but was brought back and laid in the eighth mound of his line at Edoras.> WR-SL-05.8<Appendix A In the War of the Ring Théodred fell in battle with Saruman at the Crossings of Isen. Therefore before he died on the Fields of the Pelennor Théoden named Éomer his heir and called him king. In that day Éowyn also won renown, for she fought in that battle, riding in disguise; and was known after in the Mark as the Lady of the Shield-arm. [Footnote to the text: For her shield-arm was broken by the mace of the Witch-king; but he was brought to nothing, and thus the words of Glorfindel long before to King Eärnur were fulfilled, that the Witch-king would not fall by the hand of man. For it is said in the songs of the Mark that in this deed Éowyn had the aid of Théoden’s esquire, and that he also was not a Man but a Halfling out of a far country, though Éomer gave him honor in the Mark and the name of Holdwine. This Holdwine was none other than Meriadoc the Magnificent who was a Master of Buckland.]> WR-SL-05.9<Letter to Milton Waldman, published in LotR: A Reader’s Companion{Victory turns}But victory turned towards the Enemy.>
WR-SL-07<Making of Appendix A In all this time, while the world darkened …
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Old 07-23-2018, 09:38 PM   #5
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Agreed, but I am assuming you meant to remove the last two sentences of 05.3, since you repeat them right after.
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Old 07-24-2018, 02:30 PM   #6
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Oops, yes of course the insert WR-SL-05.3 should have been ended with ‘…and in the last year of his life arose and led his men to victory at the Hornburg, and soon after to the Fields of Pelennor, the greatest battle of the Age.’ Thanks for catching this mistake.

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