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Old 07-24-2018, 09:20 AM   #1
ArcusCalion
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Silmaril The New Shadow

This is the first draft of the work The New Shadow.

This work uses the text of The New Shadow given in HoME 12 as its base text. Because it is so short, and the final text was given in full, there is very little editing to do to update it for reading.

The markings are:
NS-SL-xx for all expansions and changes to the narrative.

Some conventions of my writing:

Bold Text = source information, comments and remarks
{example} = text that should be deleted
[example] = normalized text, normally only used for general changes, as well as changes which are a part of replacement that is not grammatical.
Underlined Text = text changed for grammatical reasons in the process of combining and inserting and removing.
<source example> = additions with source information
...... = This section of the paragraph is unchanged from the source.

Quote:
THE NEW SHADOW

This tale begins in the days of Eldarion, son of that Elessar of whom the histories have much to tell. NS-SL-01 {One hundred and five years}[Two hundred and twenty years(?)] had passed since the fall of the Dark Tower, .... with his lord from the City to the Emyn Arnen.

'Deep indeed run the roots of Evil,' ... axe be hung up on the wall!'
'Plainly you think you are speaking .... In your own garden?'
Borlas looked up, and as he .... with a sharp nail-knife.
The two were sitting .... he said thoughtfully.
'Then why are you so .... others must look to the weeds.'
Borlas sighed, but he did .... house and talked to me.
'I remember it well. ‘Orcs' .... to do such a thing, lad?’
'Orcs' work! I was angered .... I may show you some!’
'It was a mistake, Master .... Saelon ended with a smile.
Borlas was startled. He was now .... his own thoughts to him.
'Alas!' he said, 'we all .... was the way of Orcs.'
'And is the way of Men ..... on their juices than blights?'
'A man,' said Borlas, 'who tends ..... the continuing of its kind.'
'Let him eat the fruit then, ..... do such things to trees.'
'You did not. You spoke of the ..... wantonness, but with reverence.
'If the smallest child of ...... pleasure in axe-play. That is orcish.
'But it is even as I said: ..... have spoken enough of this.'
'Why!' said Saelon. 'We have ..... he formed it. 'Of Herumor?'
Borlas looked at him with ..... but no sound came from it.
'I see that you have,' said ..... secret as cunning could contrive.'
'Whose cunning?' said Borlas, ...... blazed now with anger.
'Why, those who have ..... and fewer now are afraid.'
'So I have guessed,' said Borlas, ..... hand on the young man's knee.
'I will ask you a question first ...... heard the whispers of this name?'
Borlas looked down on ..... who have listened to the call?'
A strange smile flickered about the young ...... who have listened, or no?'
'How can you think it?' cried Borlas.
'And how can you think it?' asked Saelon.
'As for me,' said Borlas, 'do not all my words give you the answer?'
'But as for me, you would say,' ..... Well, who shall answer first?'
'The younger it would have been ..... was first asked. You are both.'
Saelon smiled. 'Very well,' ..... make the whispers clearer to you.'
He stood up. The sun had set ...... over the moon tonight.'
'Well, what of it?' said Borlas, ...... and laid a hand on his arm.
'I warn you rather to clothe ...... yourself while the light lasts.'
With that Saelon bowed and turned ..... still echoing in Borlas's ears.

For some while after Saelon ..... which burdened him less than his loneliness. NS-SL-02 <Note on C For he lived now with only two old servants, retired from the Prince's guard, in which he himself had once held office. Long ago his daughter had married and now lived in distant parts of the realm, and then ten years ago his wife had died. Time had softened his grief, while Berelach his son was still near home. He was his youngest child and only son, and was in the King's ships; for several years he had been stationed at the Harlond within easy reach by water, and spent much time with his father. But it was three years now since he had been given a high command, and was often long at sea, and when on land duty still held him at Pelargir far away. His visits had been few and brief. Saelon, who formerly came only when Berelach NS-SL-03 who had been his old friend was with Borlas, but had been most attentive when he was in Emyn Arnen. {Always in to talk or bring news, or run any service he could}> {Since his son, Berelach, had gone away again in April - he was in the Ships, and now lived mostly near Pelargir where his duty was - Saelon had been most attentive, whenever he was at home.} He went much about the lands of late. Borlas ..... though they seemed seldom to meet nowadays.
'Yes, that was it,' Borlas said to .... Nothing much, according to Berelach.
'‘Peace makes things slack,’ ..... are not safe for the unskilled.’
'That was all. But I spoke ..... off the coasts for a long time.
As he heard Saelon say this, ..... aloud about the Dark Tree.
He uncovered his eyes ...... spoke again, as if to the tree.
'Well, what is to be done now? ..... I should be better out of the way.'
With that a cold thought touched ..... And he had declared his hostility.
This thought decided Borlas, ...... good years, if I lose the throw.'
He straightened his back ..... Evil, and know it for what it is.'

The door under the porch was open; .... he smelt the old Evil and knew it for what it was.
NS-SL-01: This needs changing, because Elessar reigned for 120 years, meaning this event could hardly be said to be 'during the reign of Eldarion' and the sense of the story is that Elessar has been dead for some time. The only other date given in the texts is 220 years, which, although it seems very long, is the only other option we have, and I think we should use it instead.

NS-SL-02: This version was much longer and more detailed, so I thought we should give it instead.

NS-SL-03: This was a simple grammatical change needed to keep the flow.

This is the last draft for the entirety of Volume II, as well as for the continuous narrative history of Arda. It was very very straightforward to make a draft of it, and my gut tells me it was too easy, so I am sure Fin will have more comments about the story than I did.

Last edited by ArcusCalion; 07-24-2018 at 05:28 PM.
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Old 07-24-2018, 02:54 PM   #2
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NS-SL-02: I agree to this edit, but I would keep one bit form the original text:
Quote:
... His visits had been few and brief. NS-SL-02.5 <moved from below{Since his son, Berelach,}After his last vist he had gone away again in April. >Saelon, who formerly came only when Berelach NS-SL-03 who had been his old friend was with Borlas, ...
Posted by ArcusCalion:
Quote:
... so I am sure Fin will have more comments about the story than I did.
Well yes, you are rigth, but not overmuch in the text itself, as seem above. But you cannot have thoght realy, that we would end the story in that way. So here is my edit of it:
Quote:
... he smelt the old Evil and knew it for what it was.

NS-SL-05 <End Comment of The New Shadow Here{, both in A and B, The New Shadow}the source we have ends, and it will never be known what Borlas found in his dark and silent house, nor what part Saelon was playing and what his intentions were.> NS-SL-06 <Letter 256{I did begin a story placed about 100 years after the Downfall [of Mordor], but it}[b]But the story[/u] proved both sinister and depressing. Since we are dealing with Men it is inevitable that we should be concerned with the most regrettable feature of their nature: their quick satiety with good. So that the people of Gondor in times of peace, justice and prosperity, would become discontented and restless – while the dynasts descended from Aragorn would become just kings and governors – like Denethor or worse. {I found that even}Even so early there was an outcrop of revolutionary plots, about a centre of secret Satanistic religion; while Gondorian boys were playing at being Orcs and going round doing damage. {I could have written}The story was a 'thriller' about the plot and its discovery and overthrow.{ – but it would be just that. Not worth doing.}
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Old 07-24-2018, 03:14 PM   #3
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NS-SL-02.5: Agreed.

As for the final paragraph, I agree that we should include it, but I would edit it differently:
Quote:
NS-SL-05 <End Comment of The New Shadow Here {, both in A and B, The New Shadow}the source we have ends, and it will never be known what Borlas found in his dark and silent house, nor what part Saelon was playing and what his intentions were.> NS-SL-06 <Letter 256 {I did begin a story placed about 100 years after the Downfall [of Mordor], but it}But we know that the tale proved both sinister and depressing. Since we are dealing with Men it is inevitable that we should be concerned with the most regrettable feature of their nature: their quick satiety with good. So that the people of Gondor in times of peace, justice and prosperity, would become discontented and restless – while the dynasts descended from Aragorn would become just kings and governors – like Denethor or worse. {I found that even}Even so early there was an outcrop of revolutionary plots, about a center of secret NS-SL-07 {Satanistic}[Melkorist] religion; while Gondorian boys were playing at being Orcs and going round doing damage. {I could have written a 'thriller'}We only know that the tale was about the plot and its discovery and overthrow.{ – but it would be just that. Not worth doing.}
I changed the transition into 06 a bit to sound more natural and to convey a transition between the two thoughts. 07 I think is necessary, because we cannot say the religion is Satanic if there is no Satan in Arda! We have used the term 'Melkorism' before in our drafts, so I think 'Melkorist' is a good replacement. I also changed the final transition into the last sentence, to remove the 'thriller' comment, which seemed far too meta for the writing.
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Old 07-25-2018, 11:41 AM   #4
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NS-SL-07: Okay ‘Satanistic’ might not be good, but I would rather look for Letter 338 for a replacement. Anyhow we should give as well the information that this story would mark the end of Eldarions regin:
Quote:
… {I found that even}Even so early there was an outcrop of revolutionary plots, about a centre of secret NS-SL-07b{Satanistic religion}<Letter 338 societies practising dark cults>; while Gondorian boys were playing at being Orcs and going round doing damage. {I could have written a 'thriller'}We only know that the tale was about the plot and its discovery and overthrow{ – but it would be just that. Not worth doing.} NS-SL-08 <Letter 338{Except the beginning of a tale}and that it was supposed to refer to the end of the reign of Eldarion{ about 100 years after the death of Aragorn}.>
NS-SL-01: I think we have to do something about the dating of this tale. If we take the dating of Letter 338, Borlas would be about 230 years old. As Aragorn is called an exception being 210 when he died, this is unbelievable. We may consider that we have only the beginning of the tale, maybe Borlas and Saelon were just to start the story and at least Borlas would be soon out of it, long being dead befor the cumulation of the staory with the over through of the plot and the end of the regin of Eldarion in the year FA 220. In Note 7 we have the years given in all the manuscripts and typosscripts of the The New Shaodow, I give them in chronological order of writing:
Original draft: ‘less than one hundered and twenty years since the fall of the Dark Tower’ => FA 108 => 8 years after Elessars Death
Mansuscript A and B: ‘’Nearly one hundered and ten years had passed since the fall of the Dark Tower’ => FA 118 => 18 years after Elessars Death
Letter 256 from 1964: ‘about 100 years after the Downfall‘ => FA 98 => 2 years before Elessars death
Typoasscipt C1 is the same as A & B. => FA 118 => 2 years before Elessars Death
Typosscript C2: ‘One hundred and five years had passed since the fall of the Dark Tower’ => FA 103 => 17 years before Elessars Death
Letter 338 from 1972: ‘about 100 years after the death of Aragorn’ => FA 220

Up to the second edition of the LotR published in 1966 Aragorns death was in FA 100, then it was changed FA 120, That means we have to discard FA 98 and FA 103 as being to early since in both circumstances Elessar would still be alive. If we calculate rather with the death of Aragorn, then the Fall of Barad-dûr I would go with the 18 years and would place the conversation between Borlas and Saelon in FA 138. Borlas would then be about 148 years old. Which I find a good age for a retired Númenorean. And when we take Letter 338 serious that Eldarion regin up to FA 220, we would have a story line covering about 82 years. Long, but not impossible I think.
But I think all that is too much specific and to introduce it would take to much liberty with the text. So I suppose we take an unspecific ‘Many years’ instead of any number.

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Old 07-25-2018, 12:20 PM   #5
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Agreed to both, and nice layout of all the textual difficulties.
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