Middle Earth Christmas Carols

As it is the Christmas season, and as I was requested to post them here (though considering the content I have to wonder why), here are a few Christmas Carols as they might be sung in Middle Earth.

O Come, All Ye Evil
(to be sung in the ugly voice of an orc)
O Come, All Ye Evil
Nazgul, trolls and Ur-uks!
O Come ye o come ye to Ba-rad-dur!
Come and behold him!
Born the king of Middle-Earth
O come bow down before him
O come bow down before him
O come bow down before him!
Sauron the Lord!


Bilbo the Jolly Hobbit
(very sorry, Rudolph)

Bilbo the Jolly Hobbit
Had a very shiny ring
But if you ever saw him
He would vanish with a Bling!
All of the other hobbits
Used to laugh and call him names
But all of them loved Bilbo
'Cause of all his wealth and fame!

Then on Bilbo's big birthday
Gandalf came to say,
"Now you've had your joke all right!
Give that ring to Frodo tonight!"

Then all the hobbits gossiped
And they shouted out in glee
"Bilbo, you mad cracked hobbit,
You'll go down in history!"


Now, here is Gollum to sing his version of the Twelve Days of Christmas - or as he calls it, The Twelve Days of Preciouss-sss-ss-sss!

On the firssst day of Preciousss my preciouss gives to me
A fat juisshyy fishy!
On the sssecond day of Precioussss my precious gives to me
Two hobbitses
and a fat juisshy fishy!
On the third day of Preciousss my precious gives to me
Three raw hens
Two hobbitses
and a fat juisshy fishy!

-- skip ahead to the end out of respect for the bored --

On the twelff day of Preciousss my preciouss gives to me
Twelve trout a'swimmin'
Eleven worms a'wrigglin'
Ten crunchy birdses
Nine Nazzzgul searchin' (sssssss! musstn't find precious!)
Eight legs of Shelob
Seven rabbits stewin' (stupid fat hobbitsessss!)
Six eggs a crackin'
MY PRECIOUS RING!!!
Four tricksy riddles
Three raw hens
Two hobbitses
and a fat juisssshy fiiiiiissssshhhhy!


And finally, the entire LOTR story compressed into:
Hark the Little Hobbits Sing
(to the tune of - oh you can guess I'm sure)

Hark the little hobbits sing
"Bilbo's cracked and left his ring!"
Gone away to live with elves
Frodo now in Bag End dwells
Gandalf says "Don't touch that ring!"
Se'enteen years, bad news he brings
Dark Tow'r built, the shadow grows
From Mount Doom, the lava flows
Hark, the graying wizard sings,
"Frodo has the one true ring."

Off to Rivendell he flees
With the aid of Sam Gamgee
Aragorn, he meets halfway
The ranger helps to save the day
On a hill he wears the ring
He gets stabbed by the Witch King
From the wraiths, a desperate flight
Against their will, Frodo does fight.
Hark, the elves and hobbits rhyme,
"Frodo made it just in time."

With the fellowship now made
Through the mountains they must wade
In dark halls, by orcs they're chased
Gandalf falls, the rest they race
Through the woods of Lorien
Down the river Anduin
There, ambushed by Uruk-Hai
Boromir, his life does fly
Hark, the hobbits go to shore
Frodo and Sam, alone once more.

Aragorn, the elf and dwarf
Chase the orcs, then go to war
Gandalf's back, now dressed in white
To combat the dark lord's might.
Pip and Merry, with the trees
Help the men to win Helm's Deep
Saruman, his voice does fail
Now we're halfway through this tale
Hark, the men of Rohan sing
"Off to Gondor, help we bring."

Frodo with Sam at his side
Capture Gollum, now their guide
Over marshes to the Gate
Then down south, to meet their fate
Giant spider, Gollum tricks them
Frodo's down but Sam defends him
In that awful orc-filled tow'r
Sam does show his hobbit pow'r
Hark, our hero hobbit sings,
"Thank you Sam, but that's MY ring!"

Men of Gondor and Rohan
Fight to thwart the dark lord's plan
'Gainst a girl, the Witch King burns
Aragorn, the king returns
Frodo makes it to Mount Doom
Claims the ring as his heirloom
Gollum bites to get his ring
Falls to his death, the ring he brings
Hark, the whole of earth does sing,
"Hail to the hobbit, and the king!"

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Thanks for those hilarious carol parodies, Kima Pesan, and welcome to the Downs! You're off to a fantastic start; now you have us hoping for more such great posts. (I nominated your post for "Post of the Week".)

[Morai]

Okay here's my contribution, and don't worry, it will make you all groan.

"We wish you a Merry christmas
We wish you a Merry christmas
We wish you a Merry christmas
And a Pippin New Year!"

Well, it made me laugh.

[Meela]

Here are some songs I made up last Christmas:

We Three Elves (sung to We Three Kings)

We three elves of Lorien are,
One in a tree and two on the path.
Silently laying, watching and waiting,
To catch any foe we pass.

O… tree of splendour, tree of light,
Caras Galadhon awakes tonight.
Lord in his chair, lady at mirror,
Following Frodo as he fights.

Lo! Here comes a travelling group.
They ask for help, we give them the boot.
They bow to us lowly, we guard them closely,
Bows loaded and ready to shoot.

O… tree of splendour, tree of light,
Caras Galadhon awakes tonight.
Lord in his chair, lady at mirror,
Following Frodo as he fights.

Lord and lady, dazzling in white,
Greet the strangers, shrouded in white.
He sighs and murmurs, she knows their purpose,
The psychic old bat’s always right.

O… tree of splendour, tree of light,
Caras Galadhon awakes tonight.
Lord in his chair, lady at mirror,
Following Frodo as he fights.

We lead them down to camp until day,
Preparing boats, store lembas away.
Give them their gifts and send them adrift,
Down Anduin on their way.

O… tree of splendour, tree of light,
Caras Galadhon awakes tonight.
Lord in his chair, lady at mirror,
Following Frodo as he fights.

Fighting Night (sung to Silent Night)

Fighting night, battle night,
Rohan quaked at the site
Scores of fearsome Uruk-Hai,
King's brave warriors prepared to die
Beat- the drums sound out,
Beat- the drums sound out.

And my own Twelve Days of Christmas:

Twelve shards of Narsil,
Eleven elven archers,
Ten Rohan riders,
Nine Wraiths of Sauron,
Eight Ents a’ marching,
Seven dwarves a’ digging,
Six hobbits smoking,
Five gold rings,
Four drunken orcs,
Three vain elves,
Two Shadow realms,
And a king re-crowned on the throne.

Hmmm... what about a song as sung by the three rings of the elves...

We three rings of Elvenkind are
Hidden from the dark lord's power
Elrond, Gandalf, and Galadriel
On their fingers are

Ohhh, ohhhh
Rings of power, rings of might
Rings of gems and silver bright
Elves sustaining
Power waning
Still we help preserve the light

Vilya am I, the water ring
Power of seas to Elrond I bring
Stream and fountain, creek from mountain
Obey the words he sings

I am Nenya, ring of the air
For the queen, Galadriel fair
Quietly sleeping, Lorien keeping
Home of the elves, now rare

Narya am I, red ring of fire
Giv'n to Gandalf in gray attire
Always fighting evil blighting
Never once shall he tire

[The Barrow-Wight]

Gandalf Got Ran Over By A Balrog

~Chorus~
Gandalf got ran over by a Balrog
walking through the dwarf mines Christmas Eve
You can say the wings were only shadow
But as for me and Frodo we believe (not really)

He’d been drinking too much miruvor
And Strider begged him not to go
But he was still stunned by Watcher
So he stumbled to the bridge to meet his foe

His staff was flashing in the darkness
He shouted “No, you shall not pass”
But Balrogs aren’t good at taking orders
So he knocked the noisy wizard on his crevasse

Ooooooohhhhhh….

(Chorus)

We were all so proud of Frodo
He was taking it so well
Dodging Elves and orcs and Gollum
He wished he’d spent the Winter in Rivendell

It's just not fun without Mithrandir
His pointy hat, his funny jokes
The hobbits mourned his early passing
Until they found he’d left behind his smokes

Ooooooohhhhhh….

(Chorus)

When they found him in the Entwood
He claimed he’d survived the attack
And fought the monster on the mountain
Turning himself white, the monster black

(Chorus)

[Fingolfin II]

WARNING: Reading the following parody may cause severe groaning.


Ringing Bells

Ringing bells,
Ringing bells,
Irritating all the way.
That’s what gets Bilbo angry,
When the Sackville-Baggins come to stay- hey!

Ringing bells,
Ringing bells,
Irritating all the way.
That’s what gets Bilbo angry,
When the Sackville-Baggins come to stay- hey!

Annoying Bilbo,
By taking all his spoons (and eating all his lunch),
Oh what fun it is to be a Took,
With a pint of beer from the Dragon and some more for Brunch- hey!

Ringing bells,
Ringing bells,
Irritating all the way.
That’s what gets Bilbo angry,
When the Sackville-Baggins come to stay- hey!

[Hilde Bracegirdle]

Hark the Rohirrim horns do sound,
Causing all to look around.

Crossing earth to join the fray,
Scattering those caught in their way.
Faithful Rohan’s banners fly,
Join the hordes under gloomy sky.
Battle hosts of darkness fell.
Battle so that all might tell.

Rohan rode to Gondor’s aid,
Hon’ring still the pledge they’d made.

[Morai]

Here's another one, hopefully less cheesy:

What Hobbit is this?
Who laid to rest,
On Gamgee's lap
Is sleeping?
Whom Wizards greet,
With Wise Words sweet,
While Rangers watch,
Are keeping?
This, this is Frodo with Ring,
the Bearer,
the Master,
the son of... Drogo.

[The Saucepan Man]

To the tune of Away in a Manger:

Away in a Barrow
Cold stone for a bed
Four little Hobbits
Laid down their sweet heads

The fog on the grey Downs
Looks down where they lay
Four little Hobbits
Asleep on the clay

The hand comes a groping
One Hobbit awakes
But brave little Frodo
Spurns thoughts of escape

With sword he is cutting
The hand falls away
And Frodo remembers
The rhyme he must say

Ho! Tom Bombadil! Ho!
Tom Bombadillo!
And Tom comes a calling
By reed and willow

Get out you old Wight!
Sings Tom Bombadil
And Wight leaves his Barrow
With shriek loud and shrill

[Nimrodel_9]

"Thank you Sam, but that's MY ring!"

Haha!
That was most excellent, Barrow-wight!

Oh, drat I`ve lost the link! Last year somebody put up a link to a site with lots of "Middle-earth carols." Maybe someone knows what it was.

[AbercrombieOfRohan]

*groans (at memories not your songs)* anyone ever notice the simlarities between Deck the Halls (fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-laaa) and the elves of Rivendell from the hobbit (Fa-la-la-la-lally)? My brother and I spent one evening singing our version of this song.

[Morai]

*BUMP*

Since christmas is coming up, I thought I'd add another ME carol to this thread:

Eagles we have seen on high,
Grandly flying o're the plains
And the volcano in reply,
Echoing their saving gains
So....o....o...o...oaring Down, to save the hobbits now (2x)

I would do more, but I forgot the second verse

[Carnimírië]

Smashing Bagshot Row
Cutting down the trees
The ruffians all know
Sharkey's got the keys
No admittance after dark
The woods have all been cleared
They're ruining the Shire it's just as Gandalf feared!

(Chorus)

Hammers, axes, knives and staves,
Some with hunting-bows
Merry's horn-call summons them
"Awake, fear, fire foes!"
Hobbits cleared the ruffians out
They never again were seen
And Wormtongue killed old Sharkey
'Cause he always was so mean

[Elu Ancalime]

to the tune of noel

The first, ring, i ever had seen, deagol had found it while he went swimming,
That ring, was so nice, i thought it suffice, to throttle him and take that ring for my own.
the precious, my precious, our precious, my precious.
the precious is my birthday present its mine.
________
SWIPER BOYZ

[Morai]

It Came Upon the Midnight Clear

It came upon the midnight clear,
That horrible scream of old,
From Uruks bending 'neath the earth,
To touch their claws of mud:
"Death on the earth,
Bad will to men,
From shadow's all evil King:
The world in fearful stillness lay,
To hear the ringwraiths scream.

Still thro' the cloven skies they come,
With evil cloaks unfurled;
And still their frightfully chorus sears o'er the fields.
They bend on hove'ring wing,
And ever o'er its Sneering sounds
The evil ringwraiths scream.

[Captain Grishnahk]

I wrote these WAY before i came here:

Dashing through rain
With death upon their mind
To the gates of Bree
With riders close behind

Location of Gandalf?
Butterbur don’t know
Something’s over there
He just took Frodo

Chorus: Down the dell! Down the dell
Run for your lives
The riders come and go again
Like they have fussy wives
HEY!

Up the stairs they run
The riders are so near
Strider asks a question
He says do you fear?

Do you have the ring?
Frodo says no
Strider says indeed
Sam says let ‘em go!

Into the wild they run
The riders on horses
Pippin says no fun
Them riders got divorces

Chorus: Down the dell! Down the dell
Run for your lives
The riders come and go again
Like they have fussy wives
HEY!

To Weather Top they go
Swords they get to have
Frodo says no!
He then gets stabbed

Their plans are now spoiled
We need some lathalas
What the heck is that?
Let me think, oh kingsfoil!
Chorus: Down the dell! Down the dell
Run for your lives
The riders come and go again
Like they have fussy wives
HEY!

The fellowship is made
To Mordor they must go
Up the mountains harsh
Look at all the snow!

To the mines Gimli says
My cousin there sees
Gandalf says no
Frodo says please

Chorus: OH, Down the dell! Down the dell
Run for your lives
The riders come and go again
Like they have fussy wives
HEY!

Something smells queer
Into Moria they loom
Gimli says a mine
Boromir: a tomb

What the heck is hot?
Something’s on my neck
Look at all the bones
Golly whata wreck!

Chorus: Down the dell! Down the dell
Run for your lives
The riders come and go again
Like they have fussy wives
HEY!

To the bridge of Kazadum
The fellowship must fly
The balrog is so close
Gandalf says bye, bye

Galadriel says go
Frodo says here
Galadriel says whoa!
I wanted this every year!

Chorus: OHHH Down the dell! Down the dell
Run for your lives
The riders come and go again
Like they have fussy wives
HEY!

Dashing through the river
The hobbit made his mind
Frodo goes alone
But Sam is close behind

That hobbit can not swim
He wont survive the rush
Please go back Sam
AH, HUSH!

Frodo goes with Sam
Will Aragorn be king?
Will Merry die?
Will death come to the Ring?

Chorus: Down the dell! Down the dell
Run for your lives
The riders come and go again
Like-they-have-fus-sy-wives
…..HEY!



On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
1 very evil ring

On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
2 hobbits fighting

Over an evil ring!!!

On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

Three Elf lords

Two hobbits fighting

Over an evil ring!

On the 4th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

Four scared hobbits

Three Elf rings

Two hobbits fighting

Over an evil ring!

On the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

FIVEE WRAAAIITHSS ON WIIIINNNGGSSSS!!!!!!

Four scared hobbits

Three Elf lords

Two hobbits fighting

Over an evil ring!

On the 6th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

Six Orcs a spawnin’

FIVEE WRAAAIITHSS ON WIIIINNNGGSSSS!!!!!!

Four scared hobbits

Three Elf lords

Two hobbits fighting

Over an evil ring!

On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

Seven dwarves a mining

Six orcs a spawnin’

FIVEE WRAAAIITHSS ON WIIIINNNGGSSSS!!!!!!

Four scared hobbits

Three Elf lords

Two hobbits fighting

Over an evil Ring!

On the 8th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

Eight blades a piercing

Seven dwarves a mining

Six orcs a spawnin

FIVEE WRAAAIITHSS ON WIIIINNNGGSSSS!!!!!!

Four scared hobbits

Three Elf lords

Two hobbits fighting

Over an evil Ring!

On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

Nine Riders ridding

Eight blades a piercing

Seven dwarves a mining

Six orcs a spawning

FIVEE WRAAAIITHSS ON WIIIINNNGGSSSS!!!!!!

Four scared hobbits

Three Elf lords

Two hobbits fighting

Over an evil ring

On the 10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

Ten arrows flying

Nine Riders ridding

Eight blades a piercing

Seven dwarves a mining

Six orcs a spawning

FIVEE WRAAAIITHSS ON WIIIINNNGGSSSS!!!!!!

Four scared hobbits

Three Elf lords

Two hobbits fighting

Over an evil ring

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me…

Eleven Uruks marching

Ten arrows flying

Nine Riders ridding

Eight blades a piercing

Seven dwarves a mining

Six orcs a spawning

FIVEE WRAAAIITHSS ON WIIIINNNGGSSSS!!!!!!

Four scared hobbits

Three Elf lords

Two hobbits fighting

Over an evil ring

ON THE TWELFTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME!!!!....

Twelve Eagles searching

Eleven Uruk’s marching

Ten arrows flying

Nine Riders ridding

Eight blades a piercing

Seven dwarves a mining

Six orcs a spawning

FIVEE WRAAAIITHSS ON WIIIINNNGGSSSS!!!!!!

Four scared hobbits

Three Elf lords

Two hobbits fighting

Over an evil ring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are more... i'll post them later.