The Lost Diaries of LOTR

[Maltaharma]

First of all, there is a difference between the <I>secret</I> diaries and the <I>lost</I> diaries. Though Ani's were funny too, (and i swear i didnot steal this diary idea) I'd like to might my own contribution. Amazing! We both had this diary idea...oh well. Great minds think a like!<P>The Lost Diary of Gandalf the Wizard<P>Day One <BR>Bilbo’s party. Frodo is dancing about with a lampshade on his head. Sam is attempting to flirt, but to no avail. I swear, if Merry and Pippin touch my fireworks one more time I’m turning them into haggis. Whatever haggis is. <P>Day Two <BR>Bilbo’s left for Rivendell. I told him to take the bus, but he insisted on an eagle for the frequent flyer miles. <BR>Frodo has inherited Bag End. I told him to hide his ring, for I fear it is something fearful that I fear. When he asked why, I just told him it doesn’t have insurance yet, so we should keep it secret. Keep it safe. <P>Day Three <BR>I ride to Minas Tirith. My butt is really, really, sore. Shadowfax is cheezed off at me for riding so fast, but I seriously do not care. <P>Day Four <BR>I used the Gondor search engine, and found out that what I feared to fear was so fearful it was actually fear-a-full. <BR>Frodo owns the One Ring. Yes. The special edition ring from Sauron’s line of Evil Jewelry. There was only one ever made. The earrings, the necklace, and the bracelet have been destroyed, and now only this ring remains until Sauron is out of business. <BR>We must destroy Evil Jewelry Inc. <P>Day Five <BR>I ride back to Hobbiton. My butt is really, really sore. See Day Three. <P>Day Six <BR>I run into Bag End and hit my head on the chandelier. So much for a dramatic entrance. <BR>Frodo gives me Advil. <BR>I tossed his ring into the fire. Frodo starts freaking out, screaming about his insurance coverage blah blah blah. I hit him with my staff to make him shut up. <BR>When he comes to, I show him the secret writing which has appeared on the ring: <BR>One Ring to rule them all One Ring to find them One Ring to bring them all And in the darkness bind them!<BR>I let the drama sink in. How I savor these moments. <BR>As I pace dramatically I trip and go flying out the window. Luckily, my fall is broken by landing on Frodo’s spying little gardener, Sam Gamgee. “I wasn’t dropping no eaves sir, honest!” Sam protests. I am very close to turning him into haggis (whatever that is) but I don’t. Instead, I make him carry Frodo’s stuff as they start off for Rivendell. <P>Day Seven <BR>I take my leave of Frodo and Sam. I tell them to meet me at the Prancing Pony in Bree. (Why they named a town after a kind of cheese is beyond me.) The secret password to give Butterbur is “Gandalf is a stud”. <BR>I ride off to see Saruman. <P>Day Eight <BR>Saruman’s a little different. Number One, he’s suddenly into all black décor. Number Two, he’s fallen in with an orc gang. Number Three, he’s beaten me up and now I’m sitting up here on his stupid tower like a neglected parrot. I could use a cracker. <P>Day Nine <BR>Suddenly, a little moth comes and perches on my bushy eyebrows. Normally I would squish it, but am so bored I decide to talk to it. <BR>Saruman was watching. He thinks it’s weird that I talk to bugs. <BR>I’m getting very depressed sitting up here. <P>Day Ten <BR>Saruman comes up to finish me off. He’s sick of me sitting directly over his skylight. <BR>Just as he’s about to chuck me into space, an eagle comes! I jump on and we fly away, Saruman cursing. <BR>I get frequent flyer miles. Now I have a platinum airline card. Go me.

[Brimstone Goldenwing]

Haha! I find some of those are really funny! Specialy day 6 and day 9! lol!

Speaking of diaries....<BR> My friend has been working on this new diary, so i thought i'd post some of it:<P> The Very Secret Diary of Peregrin Took<P> Legolas is getting rather testy. Today, he held me upside down over a large crevasse until I admitted he was the prettiest elf in the Fellowship. Did not mention he was only elf in Fellowship as crevasse was very deep. <P><BR>No food. Suggested eating Balin. I mean, he's dead and we're hungry! Gimli took offense to this for some reason. Threated to eat ME. What nerve. Dwarves are irrational creatures. <P><BR>Yesterday, threw three lit torches, a few chains, and assorted mining equipment down a crevasse. The look on Gandalf's face was priceless! Tomorrow I'm going to try again with a few rocks and a well. <P>This morning, decided to go orc-hunting. Took five fathoms of rope, seven torches, two daggers, and Boromir's sword. Fell over from weight of equipment and became stuck between two rocks. Frodo tickled my feet. Decided to hunt orcs tomorrow.<P> Perhaps I'll post more when he has it available.

[Eärendil]

Lol, I just love all those diaries, funny!

[Lady of the Lake]

Lol they're HILARIOUS!<BR>I think I'll start writing one... It'll give me something to do in maths class anyway!<BR>I HATE MATHS!<BR>IT'S POINTLESS!

[Gayahithwen]

I've seen them before, somewhere.. I think.. Oh well, they're great...<P>Completely agree with you, Lady of the Lake.. Math is completely meaningless!!

[Iaragarwen]

Wow, those are great! Keep up the good work!

[Maikadilwen]

Now I've heard about those hysterical "secret diaries" several times. So: where do I find it/them? I've been looking through the fan-fiction section, but haven't been able to find anything of that sort. Not that "Dude, where's my ring" isn't always a good laugh... But I really would like to read those diaries, so if anyone know where I may find them...

That was SOOOooo funny! And I totally agree, Lady of the Lake. I hate math!