Peter Jackson: Why I Quit "The Hobbit".

[Herald_of_Mandos]

Just wondering if anyone had seen this yet?

www.reelz.com/movie-news

In an exclusive interview today, Sir Peter Jackson explained the reasons behind his surprise decision to end all involvement with the production of "The Hobbit".

"I've just had it up to here with these rabid lunatic Tolkien fans. What is wrong with these people? Every blasted thing I do, they say I should have done something else, and because I didn't I raped their grandmothers, or something.

'It's the themed assassination attempts that are the worst. Just this morning someone tried to shoot me with a bow-and-arrow. A black arrow. With a note on the shaft saying I should read the book to find out what it's all about."

The note was in "Cinnamon", one of the famous Elfish languages created by "Professor" JK Tolkien, Jr. Many fans learn Elfish by heart, becoming so absorbed in the fabulous world of Middle Earth that they forget how to speak any other language. According to Jackson, his Elfin experts have been working overtime translating death threats out of Cinnamon and Quango.

The director continued, "Look, I've made every effort to be faithful to the books– er, within reason, that is– but nothing will satisfy this bunch of freaks. Well, that's it. I wash my hands of the whole bloody mess. They can make their own darn movie."

Asked if anything would persuade him to return to the helm of the much-anticipated "Lord of the Rings" prequel,
Sir Peter said that he might consider it if he felt able to realise his inspiring new artistic vision for the series.

"From now on, we'll have none of this 'appease the fans' nonsense. The Eagle-Riders of Rohan will win the battle of the Six Armies. Sauron and Saruman will be the same person, which is a lot less confusing, anyway. Gandalf and Galadriel will turn out to be Aragorn's parents. Or Frodo's. Or Gollum's. Whatever ticks the fanboys off the most. Tauriel can chain Legolas up and whip him until he screams in ecstasy, before going off to fight Smaug in her leather bikini. Oh, and I'll fire the entire cast and hire six-foot-six actors to play Bilbo and the dwarves. Or actresses, even better.

'That'll teach the buggers to complain."