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Old 09-19-2006, 03:39 PM   #81
Hookbill the Goomba
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Thumbs up

The Downer would like to apologise for the lack of inside stories last week. Due to a printing error, the last issue was full of water.

Letters to the Editor
II

Quote:
Dear sir,

I think your newspaper is vile! I wouldn't buy it if you paid me! Your stories are nonsensical and downright false! Your comics are setting a bad example for children and your outrageous price tag makes me sick!

Yours etcetera, etcetera,

Mr. R.B. Arebe.
Dear Mr. Arebe.

You stink.

Quote:
Dear Sir,

My son loves The Phantom and Alien, but he would like to know why The Phantom doesn’t just kill Alien!

Yours in haste,

Tony Hash with an Iron Moutache.
Dear Mr Hash,

All will become clear eventually. I hope.

Quote:
Dear Mr. Editor,

Your report last month about the Barrow Wight being sued was utter nonsense. I, I mean he, did not get sued by anyone. So just stop it!

Yours etcetera,

B. Wightington
Dear sir,

No.
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THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
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Old 09-24-2006, 02:23 PM   #82
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Sting Special Edition!

After a long day traveling way north with his dear enemy, a barrow-downer had been violently murdered! He was walking to the music-station to put on something nice when suddenly an innocent looking backstabber attacked him. In the evening on the 24th of September the member Volo was cut down and killed by a penguin. It wasn't the first time that Volo was fighting for his life against animals, but this was certaintly the most tragic attack ever. As he himself comments: "It was really uncomfortable to have a katana thrust through you, I was really angry with the whole mess!". The police suspects that this was done for the sake of revenge and the penguin was brainwashed by a real mastermind. The penguin was taken to a questioning. In the middle of the hearing the lights suddenly went out. When a new bulb was attached the police noticed that the penguin was gone. Later the same evening the same penguin was found murdered, by drowning. Clearly somebody got rid of a witness. All clues are to be left in the Which Downer Am I! -thread!

Last edited by Volo; 09-26-2006 at 01:07 PM. Reason: Just some mistakes...
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Old 09-25-2006, 01:05 AM   #83
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Pipe Newspaper!

With every new week, there is new News in the new Newspaper...

Week 13 Linked to save on loading time.


And who could forget the barely anticipated and much lamented new episode of The Phantom and Alien...

P and A episode 11
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 10-02-2006 at 01:48 AM.
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Old 09-25-2006, 02:27 AM   #84
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Volo, your links don't work.

And penguins don't murder people!
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Old 09-25-2006, 02:34 AM   #85
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
If you cannot see Volo's links, I'll put them here for ye to see!
Attached Images
File Type: jpg Murdered by Penguin.jpg (50.4 KB, 646 views)
File Type: jpg Death of Peng the good.jpg (28.1 KB, 660 views)
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THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
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Old 09-25-2006, 03:08 AM   #86
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Thanks, Hookbill.

Those are horrible! Volo, I seriously consider neg-repping you...!
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Old 09-25-2006, 06:14 AM   #87
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Wasn't that the whole idea?
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Old 09-25-2006, 10:20 AM   #88
The Squatter of Amon Rûdh
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Pipe More chronological tribulations

On a more positive note, the recent space-time anomalies have enabled me to escape from an eccentric temporal loop in which I had been trapped for some eight millennia. Fortunately my absence would appear to have been somewhat shorter in real time. If I seem oddly changed, it's because eight-thousand years of reading the last sentence of next week's Hansard is a more than usually life-changing experience. Public Order (Rudeness to Budgerigars) Act indeed!

p.s. Those letters to the editor are obvious fabrications. I am disgusted that they weren't properly disguised as real letters according to standard editorial practice.
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Old 09-25-2006, 10:35 AM   #89
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Squatter of Amon Rûdh
p.s. Those letters to the editor are obvious fabrications. I am disgusted that they weren't properly disguised as real letters according to standard editorial practice.
Yes, well, I couldn't publish the real letters. The Barrow Downs and The Downer has strict rules about swearing and bad language.

But anyway, here is some Downer Merchendise.
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File Type: jpg P&A Merchendise.jpg (28.0 KB, 410 views)
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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
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Old 09-25-2006, 10:28 PM   #90
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Boots

Quote:
And penguins don't murder people!
Ha! A likely story, just what subversive elements in our society would like us to think! Then WHAMMO!!!

I personally find it much more unlikely that a penguin would die by drowning.

Strapping dynamite to its flippers would have been more appropriate...and gory...
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Old 09-25-2006, 11:18 PM   #91
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I am thoroughly frightened! Penguins have lived in my dorm as long as I have. And all seemed well until I read Volo's story. Ever since, I've noticed the penguins following me wherever I go, giving me these creepy looks....

Take a look for yourself. I swear I'm not imagining it!
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Old 09-26-2006, 01:49 AM   #92
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kuruharan
I personally find it much more unlikely that a penguin would die by drowning.
Well, that too. That picture was especially horrible.

Quote:
Strapping dynamite to its flippers would have been more appropriate...and gory...
That's cruel! The Penguin Rights Watch protests!

*makes banners*

SAVE INNOCENT PENGUINS FROM WRONGFUL ACCUSATIONS!

PENGUINS DON'T DESERVE DEATH BY DROWNING OR BY DYNAMITE!

STOP VIOLENCE AGAINST PENGUINS!

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Old 09-26-2006, 02:54 AM   #93
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I bet YOU sent the penguin to assassinate me! But no, you wouldn't have killed it... Hmm... The case is still open.

Brinniel, that is frightening, we must stop the evil penguin mastermind! Lommy, help us and justice will be back and everybody (the, also the penguins) will live (or unlive) happily ever after.
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Old 09-26-2006, 03:14 AM   #94
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A maia suspected for two murders

By Grise Echo

The murders of a 'downer and a penguin (who is suspected to have commited the murder) are about to be solved. The Central Wight Police (CWP) has made an order to arrest a maia spirit that lives in the seas near Helcaraxë.

The maia, who remains anonymous, is previously suspected of capturing Elenwë, wife to Turgon of Gondolin, and the murders of five noldorin Elves of her household, including Turgon's nephew.
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Old 09-26-2006, 01:42 PM   #95
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Boots And a shouting match develops outside the BDN downtown HQ...

Quote:
That's cruel!
Perhaps you're right. A simple hanging would have been as effective and less costly.

Quote:
STOP VIOLENCE AGAINST PENGUINS!

-and-

The maia, who remains anonymous, is previously suspected of capturing Elenwë, wife to Turgon of Gondolin, and the murders of five noldorin Elves of her household, including Turgon's nephew.
*looks around carefully to see if any of the feathered fiends are in sight*

I have it on good authority that a certain Dark Power is actually attempting to replace orcs with penguins. It is a little known fact (that has hitherto gone unreported in the biased media) that the area where these poor innocent Elves (can you believe I just said that ) disappeared were awash in feathers!

There was a certain O. C. Cobblepot who was investigating these developments, but he ended up glued to the hull of the Titanic. Clearly he was getting on to something.

We can no more stop violence against penguins than we could against orcs.
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Old 09-26-2006, 01:59 PM   #96
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Thumbs up

All right, I think the Penguin discussion has reached a conclusion. I hear the snuffling of Chat Squirrels at the door. So, drop the subject and go home. But no one goes home empty handed! You each receive a Special Barrow Downs Hat!

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I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
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