The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum


Visit The *EVEN NEWER* Barrow-Downs Photo Page

Go Back   The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum > Middle-Earth Fun and Games > Middle-earth Mirth
User Name
Password
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-03-2006, 05:04 PM   #1
Legolasfan1
Pile O'Bones
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: in Rivendell riding on my horse and shooting arrows
Posts: 11
Legolasfan1 has just left Hobbiton.
Tolkien How to Annoy Sauron(a.k.a How to get yourself killed)

My apolagies if anyone else has started this thread, I thought I searched enough, but you never know.

1. Skip around singing for he's a jolly good fellow
2.Put daisy chains around Sauron's room
3.Keep gushing about Legolas' clothes and how you want to get some just like them
4.Dye his armour hot pink
5.At meeting's, blow kisses to others
6.Sing your questions


You guys think of some because my ideas have run out
__________________
I'm having a rotten day, my supply of chocolate just ran out!
Legolasfan1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 12:40 AM   #2
Estelyn Telcontar
Princess of Skwerlz
 
Estelyn Telcontar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: where the Sea is eastwards (WtR: 6060 miles)
Posts: 7,645
Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!
This sounds like a fun thread for the Mirth forum. I'm moving it there - enjoy reading and posting!
__________________
'Mercy!' cried Gandalf. 'If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?' 'The whole history of Middle-earth...'
Estelyn Telcontar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 01:06 AM   #3
mormegil
Maundering Mage
 
mormegil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,666
mormegil is a guest at the Prancing Pony.mormegil is a guest at the Prancing Pony.
How about taking his ring?
__________________
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
-- P. J. O'Rourke
mormegil is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 02:06 AM   #4
Hookbill the Goomba
Alive without breath
 
Hookbill the Goomba's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
Posts: 6,153
Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Thumbs up

Sounds like lots-o-fun...

When having a talk with Sauron...

- Ask, "What is your policy on play-fighting?"
- Shout "Will you marry me?" really loudly at him so all his servants can hear him.
- Tell him "You should see my bedroom - it’s full of Star Trek posters!"
- Seriously anger him by saying, "I’m going to count to ten, and when I open my eyes I want you to be naked."
- Say, "May the Force be with you." After every sentence.
- Constantly ask, "Is that a wig?"
- Tell him "You should see my bedroom - it’s full of Geese!"
__________________
I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
Hookbill the Goomba is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 08:38 AM   #5
mormegil
Maundering Mage
 
mormegil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,666
mormegil is a guest at the Prancing Pony.mormegil is a guest at the Prancing Pony.
While inspecting Barad-dur ask him "is constructed of legos?"
I absolutely love your new orc captian...what that's your mother?
__________________
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
-- P. J. O'Rourke
mormegil is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 09:53 AM   #6
Bęthberry
Cryptic Aura
 
Bęthberry's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 6,159
Bęthberry is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Bęthberry is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Bęthberry is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Bęthberry is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.
The Eye

Don't you think you could use a good, new monacle?

My, what a quaint shape you have assumed!
__________________
I’ll sing his roots off. I’ll sing a wind up and blow leaf and branch away.
Bęthberry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 10:41 AM   #7
Mithalwen
Pilgrim Soul
 
Mithalwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: watching the wonga-wonga birds circle...
Posts: 9,916
Mithalwen is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Mithalwen is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Mithalwen is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Mithalwen is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Try to sell him double glazing.

Suggest Listerine might help with the black breath...
__________________
“But Finrod walks with Finarfin his father beneath the trees in Eldamar.”

Christopher Tolkien, Requiescat in pace
Mithalwen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 10:58 AM   #8
Morai
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
Morai's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Where young people go to retire
Posts: 747
Morai has just left Hobbiton.
Send a message via MSN to Morai Send a message via Yahoo to Morai Send a message via Skype™ to Morai
Random Titles get annoying

"Have you considered a contact lense? I think you would look much better in blue."

Or

"My your eye seems a little bloodshot, do you want some eyedrops?"
__________________
"So why the safe distance, this curious look? Why tear out single pages when you can throw away the book? Why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar?
MeWithoutYou http://fortyfifthparadox.com
Morai is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 12:53 PM   #9
Hookbill the Goomba
Alive without breath
 
Hookbill the Goomba's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
Posts: 6,153
Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Thumbs up

Saying, "Sauron is so stupid! Look at his face - he loves me poking him with this broom!" is probably not wise.
__________________
I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
Hookbill the Goomba is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 01:23 PM   #10
Farael
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
Farael's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: In hospitals, call rooms and (rarely) my apartment.
Posts: 1,549
Farael has just left Hobbiton.
For (movie) Sauron: Let a few dozen white doves fly... straight into the big search-light eye.

For (book) Sauron: Take the One ring to him, but along make a few hundred copies.... and play "Deal or No Deal" with him, tossing the ones not chosen to Orodurin.
__________________
I prepared Explosive Runes this morning.
Farael is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 01:32 PM   #11
Laleena
Animated Skeleton
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: in Mirkwood riding my horse
Posts: 27
Laleena has just left Hobbiton.
Leaf

Sing your questions

Shout wow after every sentence of his lecture

Watch people through binoculars
__________________
Sarcasm isn't the lowest form of wit, it isn't wit at all.~ Halt
Laleena is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 01:35 PM   #12
Rikae
Mellifluous Maia
 
Rikae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: A glade open to the stars, deep in Nan Elmoth
Posts: 3,533
Rikae is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Rikae is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Rikae is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.
Insert witticisms like "It's better than a sharp stick in the eye!" or "eye'll be seeing you!" or "My, what a big eye you have!" into every sentence, and then double over with laughter.
Rikae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 01:53 PM   #13
Hookbill the Goomba
Alive without breath
 
Hookbill the Goomba's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
Posts: 6,153
Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Thumbs up

During one of Saurons speeches or lectures, shout "I love it!" really, really, really, REALLY loudly every seven minutes.

Get the plastic thing from the middle of a Kinder Egg, and put it in your mouth and spit it out at him really hard!

Ask him if he wants a palantir fight.

Hand him a shopping list full of really funny items, such as 'Eye cream', 'monocles', 'contact lenses', and 'EYES' and say, "If you could get those to me by three o'clock, that'd be great!"

Then poke him with a stick.

Turn up to a 'join the Mordor Army' interview session, wearing one of those novelty inflatable sumo wrestler suits. Only with a tie.

Fire all of his clothes and armour out of a catapult into Mount Doom... For a joke!

Bring a flamingo to Barad-Dur and try to ride it around the battlements.
__________________
I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...

Last edited by Hookbill the Goomba; 11-04-2006 at 01:56 PM.
Hookbill the Goomba is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 05:06 PM   #14
mormegil
Maundering Mage
 
mormegil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,666
mormegil is a guest at the Prancing Pony.mormegil is a guest at the Prancing Pony.
Call him 'Pookey' frequently.

Have him wear a bonnet.

Tell him "Voldermort could kick your butt"
__________________
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
-- P. J. O'Rourke
mormegil is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 06:31 PM   #15
Esgallhugwen
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
Esgallhugwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Where the Moon cries against the snow
Posts: 587
Esgallhugwen has just left Hobbiton.
White Tree

Quite seriously state that pink is the new black in defense of why you painted his chambers a blushing pink pastel colour.
__________________
"...for the sin of the idolater is not that he worships stone, but that he worships one stone over others.
-8:9:4 The Witness of Fane"
Esgallhugwen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 06:47 PM   #16
Legolasfan1
Pile O'Bones
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: in Rivendell riding on my horse and shooting arrows
Posts: 11
Legolasfan1 has just left Hobbiton.
Tolkien

Bring him a seeing eye rooster as a B-day present

Adress him as your excellency then say may your eye never dry out
__________________
I'm having a rotten day, my supply of chocolate just ran out!
Legolasfan1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-04-2006, 08:31 PM   #17
mormegil
Maundering Mage
 
mormegil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 4,666
mormegil is a guest at the Prancing Pony.mormegil is a guest at the Prancing Pony.
WEDGIE!!!
__________________
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
-- P. J. O'Rourke
mormegil is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-05-2006, 05:29 PM   #18
Morai
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
Morai's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Where young people go to retire
Posts: 747
Morai has just left Hobbiton.
Send a message via MSN to Morai Send a message via Yahoo to Morai Send a message via Skype™ to Morai
Boots Random Title #643

Send him a bag of brass rings from the 25 cent machines.
__________________
"So why the safe distance, this curious look? Why tear out single pages when you can throw away the book? Why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar?
MeWithoutYou http://fortyfifthparadox.com
Morai is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-06-2006, 02:58 PM   #19
Farael
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
Farael's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: In hospitals, call rooms and (rarely) my apartment.
Posts: 1,549
Farael has just left Hobbiton.
For his birth-day, prepare him a big white cake and sing "For he's a jolly GOOD fellow, for he's a jolly GOOD fellow..."
__________________
I prepared Explosive Runes this morning.
Farael is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-07-2006, 02:26 AM   #20
Erue
Pile O'Bones
 
Erue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Montana Badlands
Posts: 13
Erue has just left Hobbiton.
Send a message via ICQ to Erue
Flash photography!
Erue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2006, 01:11 PM   #21
Hookbill the Goomba
Alive without breath
 
Hookbill the Goomba's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
Posts: 6,153
Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Tell him, "If you don’t fulfil your dream of establishing Europe’s premier freak show soon it’ll be too late!"

Put Jelly in his contact lenses.

Pretend to die but in an obviously fake way saying, "Woe is me! If only Sauron wasn't so dreadfully ugly, I could stand to live! But alas no! Woe! Woe! Woe!"

Circulate posters of Sauron in a dress.

Then give one to him.

When he is talking to you, release a balloon so that it "razzes" around the room.

Turn up to a private meeting with a dwarf, and refuse to explain, or to introduce him to Sauron or any one else. When they ask, just say: “You don’t mind, do you?”

Poke him.

Do all of the above in the space of half an hour.
__________________
I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
Hookbill the Goomba is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-08-2006, 02:20 PM   #22
Farael
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
Farael's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: In hospitals, call rooms and (rarely) my apartment.
Posts: 1,549
Farael has just left Hobbiton.
Warning: Farael does not condone the use of cigarettes

Use his eye to light up.
__________________
I prepared Explosive Runes this morning.
Farael is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2006, 05:52 PM   #23
Laleena
Animated Skeleton
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: in Mirkwood riding my horse
Posts: 27
Laleena has just left Hobbiton.
Leaf

Ask him were his eyelashes are

Ask him how expensive single fireproof contact lenses are

Say " Who's the lucky girl?" and point to his ring

Give him and the ringwraiths pet names

Get him drunk

Start singing elvish ballads and recite their poems when he's around

Tell him he'll make a great villian someday

Have a staring contest with him and win

( Some are lame but that's ok)
__________________
Sarcasm isn't the lowest form of wit, it isn't wit at all.~ Halt
Laleena is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2006, 06:00 PM   #24
Laleena
Animated Skeleton
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: in Mirkwood riding my horse
Posts: 27
Laleena has just left Hobbiton.
Leaf

Ask him how he can hear with no ears
Play peek-a-boo with him
When his evil plans fail pat him on the head..er eyelid and tell him he'll do better
next time
Pop up everywhere and yell I see YOU
Ask his opionin on elves
Make friendship bracelets for you and him
Have a sleepover
Poke him in the eye
Play M.A.S.H with him and give him the choices of Galadriel,Legolas, or Elrond



I'm on a roll, but they are calling me for dishes *sigh*
__________________
Sarcasm isn't the lowest form of wit, it isn't wit at all.~ Halt

Last edited by Laleena; 11-10-2006 at 06:04 PM.
Laleena is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2006, 07:41 PM   #25
Morai
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
Morai's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Where young people go to retire
Posts: 747
Morai has just left Hobbiton.
Send a message via MSN to Morai Send a message via Yahoo to Morai Send a message via Skype™ to Morai
Boots

Ask him: "Have you ever tried wearing a monacle?"
"Are you reeaaaaaaaaallly the Dark Lord? Or are you just an impersanator?"
"Do you visit your eye doctor often?"
"Does the Mouth of Sauron talk your ears off?"
__________________
"So why the safe distance, this curious look? Why tear out single pages when you can throw away the book? Why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar?
MeWithoutYou http://fortyfifthparadox.com
Morai is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2006, 08:19 PM   #26
Farael
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
Farael's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: In hospitals, call rooms and (rarely) my apartment.
Posts: 1,549
Farael has just left Hobbiton.
If you are the dark lord, howcome you are represented with a big eye on fire? Fire makes light, and that's not too dark!
__________________
I prepared Explosive Runes this morning.
Farael is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-11-2006, 11:03 AM   #27
Rikae
Mellifluous Maia
 
Rikae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: A glade open to the stars, deep in Nan Elmoth
Posts: 3,533
Rikae is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Rikae is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Rikae is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.
Suggest he replace the Nazgul's horses with migratory coconuts.
Rikae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-24-2006, 07:20 PM   #28
Merrivere
Pile O'Bones
 
Merrivere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Earth? Nah, Wisconsin.
Posts: 19
Merrivere has just left Hobbiton.
Two words:


Pepper. Spray.
__________________
I tried my luck at real romance...I think I'll stick to loving Hobbits instead.
Merrivere is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2006, 02:04 AM   #29
Hookbill the Goomba
Alive without breath
 
Hookbill the Goomba's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
Posts: 6,153
Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Fill Barad dur full of rice

... and then pump water in.

Or

Fill Barad Dur full of Jelly.
__________________
I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
Hookbill the Goomba is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2006, 10:41 AM   #30
Morai
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
Morai's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Where young people go to retire
Posts: 747
Morai has just left Hobbiton.
Send a message via MSN to Morai Send a message via Yahoo to Morai Send a message via Skype™ to Morai
Boots

Turn Mt. Doom into one giant icebox.

Sell his ring, his Nazgul, and his orks on E-bay.
__________________
"So why the safe distance, this curious look? Why tear out single pages when you can throw away the book? Why pluck one string when you can strum the guitar?
MeWithoutYou http://fortyfifthparadox.com
Morai is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2006, 01:47 PM   #31
Nimrodel_9
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
Nimrodel_9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Utah
Posts: 786
Nimrodel_9 has just left Hobbiton.
Send a message via MSN to Nimrodel_9
The Eye

Quote:
Poke him in the eye
Ah dang, Laleena already got it.
__________________
*.:A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart:.*
Nimrodel_9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-26-2006, 01:19 PM   #32
Laleena
Animated Skeleton
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: in Mirkwood riding my horse
Posts: 27
Laleena has just left Hobbiton.
Leaf

Note to all Downers

You can just call me Leena
__________________
Sarcasm isn't the lowest form of wit, it isn't wit at all.~ Halt
Laleena is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-27-2006, 12:55 AM   #33
Turin Mormegil
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Answer "yo mama" to everything he says.
Tell him after he loses the War of the Ring "you suck, Darth Vader could do better than you"
Say "you look better in the movie"
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-13-2006, 04:18 AM   #34
mhagain
Wight
 
mhagain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The best seat in the Golden Perch
Posts: 219
mhagain has just left Hobbiton.
Compare everything he says or does to Melkor.

"Melkor wouldn't have done it that way". "Melkor knew how to treat his minions properly". "Melkor wouldn't have been dumb enough to lose a piddly ring". "If Melkor was here now I bet this wouldn't be happening". "Melkor would have overthrown Minas Tirith easily enough".
mhagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-13-2006, 07:55 PM   #35
FeRaL sHaDoW
Wight
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 234
FeRaL sHaDoW has just left Hobbiton.
Send a message via MSN to FeRaL sHaDoW
tell him the ring makes him look fat
__________________
God created night,
but man created darkness....
FeRaL sHaDoW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-15-2006, 01:33 AM   #36
narfforc
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
narfforc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Muddy-earth
Posts: 1,307
narfforc has been trapped in the Barrow!
Ask him: What's the similarity between a Dark Lord of Mordor and a Kit-Kat, then tell him that a Kit-Kat has four fingers also.


or


Tell him that when he is feeling lonely and needs someone to talk to, he could always give you a Ring.
__________________
[B]THE LORD OF THE GRINS:THE ONE PARODY....A PARODY BETTER THAN THE RINGS OF POWER.
narfforc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-16-2006, 04:07 PM   #37
The Only Real Estel
Raffish Rapscallion
 
The Only Real Estel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Far from the 'Downs, it seems :-(
Posts: 3,025
The Only Real Estel has just left Hobbiton.
Pipe

Go trick-or-treating to Barad-Dur in a Huon costume.
The Only Real Estel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-18-2006, 08:21 AM   #38
Captain Grishnahk
Wight
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 106
Captain Grishnahk has just left Hobbiton.
The Eye

Whenver he tells you to do somthing... say "Aye! Get it... you're an eye."
That's not funny... but i'll think of one that is.
__________________
"Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens."

--J.R.R. Tolkien
Captain Grishnahk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-2007, 11:33 PM   #39
Dunwen
Wight
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 107
Dunwen has just left Hobbiton.
The Eye

Tell him the MERS (Middle Earth Revenue Service) sent him a notice that he owes 3,000 years of back payroll taxes.

He has to find the Form 9731 used in each calendar year (by the Elves' reckoning) and fill one out for each minion of Mordor for each year he/she/it was on the payroll, sign them, make copies of all of the signed originals for Mordor's files and mail them, along with payment, to PO Box VALAR-01. By next Monday.

Additionally, he has to fill out the necessary forms for all private contractors (i.e. Shelob, Saruman, the Corsairs of Umbar) for every year they rendered service to the Dark Lord of a worth greater than 100 silver pennies, in triplicate. Page one must be sent to the MERS. By next Monday. Page two must be sent to the contractors themselves and the third page is, of course, for the files of Mordor.

Then he has to compute the estimated local unemployment insurance for Mordor for the upcoming calendar year, make his initial deposit to cover them, and make sure he has enough Form M9731s for all his minions to fill out for the upcoming calendar year (Elves' reckoning).

And he's being audited. Next Monday.
Dunwen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2007, 04:03 AM   #40
Hookbill the Goomba
Alive without breath
 
Hookbill the Goomba's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: On A Cold Wind To Valhalla
Posts: 6,153
Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Get an overweight Orc to wear Sauron's armour and parade around in it doing poor impressions of The Dark Lord.

OR

Show up to a meeting in one of those inflatable sumo-wrestler suits.
__________________
I think that if you want facts, then The Downer Newspaper is probably the place to go. I know! I read it once.
THE PHANTOM AND ALIEN: The Legend of the Golden Bus Ticket...
Hookbill the Goomba is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:49 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.