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06-22-2018, 09:20 PM | #1 | |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
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The North Kingdom and the Dúnedain
This is the first draft of the chapter The North Kingdom and the Dúnedain.
This chapter is a thoroughly mixed bag of sources, and so there is no base text. Because of this, I have marked every instance of any text used, so as to be easy to follow. The markings are: FY-HL-xx for all the headlines for the Fading Years. NKD-SL-xx for all expansions and changes to the narrative. Some conventions of my writing: Bold Text = source information, comments and remarks {example} = text that should be deleted [example] = normalized text, normally only used for general changes, as well as changes which are a part of replacement that is not grammatical. Underlined Text = text changed for grammatical reasons in the process of combining and inserting and removing. <source example> = additions with source information ...... = This section of the paragraph is unchanged from the source. Quote:
NKD-SL-01: We start off with the claim of Arvedui over the crown of Gondor. This addition ends in the middle of a sentence, and we continue from the second part of that sentence in NKD-SL-05. NKD-SL-02/04: Here we may discuss something about the structure of the Appendices. As they are written, they are meant to be written by Hobbits, and so the authorial voice sometimes creeps in, especially in these footnotes. Since we are posing this work as the Translations from the Elvish done by Bilbo, I think we can leave these references to the Hobbit authors in, but I figured I would mark them just in case there is some discussion to be had. NKD-SL-03: Here we turn to the Arnor narrative with the fall of Arthedain and the death of Arvedui. NKD-SL-05: Here we return to the sentence we left off at in the Gondor narrative, and tell of the defeat of the Witch-King. NKD-SL-06: Here we return to the Arnor narrative, and introduce the Dunedain as rangers. NKD-SL-07: I pulled this paragraph from later on in this part of Appendix A because I think it fits best here as a sort of discussion of the Dunedain in general. This is a very straightforward chapter, which is the calm before the storm that is the following chapter.... |
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06-23-2018, 10:11 AM | #2 | ||
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,694
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Yes, this chapter is straight forward, and you are right The Heirs of Elendil has nothing to add here. So in the event I have only three points that are to be discussed:
NKD-SL-05: I find that starting a lookback with 'At last' not very fitting. I would remove a bit more and start with the text given below. The last paragraph of NKD-SL-03 seems a bit out of place. The war is not yet over, so the survival of the Hobbits would be a kind of fortelling. I would rather move that paragraph. What about this: Quote:
Quote:
Findegil Last edited by Findegil; 06-23-2018 at 11:00 AM. |
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06-23-2018, 11:37 AM | #3 |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
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NKD-SL-05/06b: Agreed, it flows better this way.
I did not leave this out intentionally, the copy of the Appendices I was using does not have the footnotes in it, so I must have missed this one. Thank you for catching it! I will add it into my draft. Last edited by ArcusCalion; 06-23-2018 at 11:43 AM. |
07-14-2018, 12:14 AM | #4 | |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
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I have tried to add in the text of the Prologue to the work. Here I have placed Of the Ordering of the Shire. To do this in the best way, I had to do some mild restructuring.
I took out NKD-SL-06, so that the chapter proceeds as if it was removed. Then, after it finishes, I added in a subheading (FY-HL-07.5): Of the Ordering of the Shire: Quote:
NKD-SL-06.1: relevant bit of Concerning Hobbits given. NKD-SL-06.2: relevant bit of Concerning Hobbits given. NKD-SL-06.3: The main text Of the Ordering of the Shire. NKD-SL-06.4: book reference removed. NKD-SL-06.5: Since we are placing this here, it has not been 1000 years since the kings, so I changed it to work. NKD-SL-06.6: This needs to be changed since it is a reference to LotR. |
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07-15-2018, 07:54 AM | #5 | |
King's Writer
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 1,694
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NKD-SL-06b: I agree to the movement, but we have to take care about the editing marks. In its original palce this was the 1. paragraph of a longer part of Appendix A and it was already marked with a 'b' as being the second variant under discussion. I propose to name the shortened add in the original place NKD-SL-06c and name the paragraph about the hobbits used here NKD-SL-06.05.
NKD-SL-06.1: I agree to the insert and to the gramatical change, but at least evnen if 'Shire' should have a kapital 'S' the article 'the' shouldn't have a capital 'T'. But I like to propose a different edit: Quote:
I as well agree to the rest of the changes. Respectfully Findegil |
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07-15-2018, 10:05 AM | #6 |
Quentingolmo
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 525
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Agreed
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