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Old 09-06-2005, 06:38 PM   #1
Valesse
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Good eats at Mount Doom: Cafe and Bristo.

Its some what awkward to admit it (to the general public, though I wouldn't call y'all folks general, generally, or pe--...well, nevermind ) but one of my biggest, if not the strangest goals in life is to make a Lord of the Rings themed restaurant. At first, like all things, it started as a joke. A restaurant which would be ran by costumed waiters and waitresses-- preferibly orkish, for atmosphere, and the menu divided, not by what was on the plate, but, rather, what race was more likely to be eatting it.

So started the monstrosity that is "Mount Doom: Cafe and Bristo"

So, after all that introduction, the meaning of this thread? Alas, I know some of the downers disgust in them, but a discriptive list-thread is what I had in mind of some scarf-worthy (or scoff-worthy) dishes you might find were you to travel into Middle Earth. If you're like me and from Houston (or any other city with a LotRs based restaurant already), please don't post orders from the Hobbit Cafe that REALLY exisit like "a Frodo, thin... everything on the side with a large portion of carrots." (my favorite order, by the way.) This is all meant for giggles.

I'll get the ball rolling:

The Ribs of Moria A full rack of ribs, cooked to perfection with as much sauce as your gravy boats can hold, not that you'd need it! With the meat falling right off the bone and into your awaiting, slavering mouth. You're warned to be careful when eatting, however, the source of the meat is in question, but since we've started serving these the Moria orc populations has halved itself!
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Last edited by Valesse; 09-06-2005 at 09:18 PM.
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Old 09-06-2005, 06:50 PM   #2
Beanamir of Gondor
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Eye

One of the most popular side dishes, naturally, would be
Samwise's Taters: mashed, boiled, or stewed however you like them.
And of course the appetizers offered would include
Hot Wings, Balrog-style: no one is really sure if they exist, so these crispy, crunchy critters may not necessarily come from real Balrogs--but they sure taste good when seasoned with some Rock of the Hornburg Salt!
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Old 09-06-2005, 09:37 PM   #3
Kitanna
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Shield

From the drink list...
Pippin's Half Pint Ale: Coming from the private brewery of everyone's favorite Fool of a Took, it's Pippin's Half Pint Ale. A delightful, frothy ale that leaves the drinker totally refreshed.
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Old 09-06-2005, 09:48 PM   #4
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Hobbit hole cafe

3 words. Hobbit...Hole...Cafe...

A news article

Yet another review

Another review

Another group of reviews

I go every time i'm in houston! I just ate their two days ago. Got the Smaug's Delight. It was great. Good food, veggie friendly, tons of LOTR memorability. A must see if you go to houston. I'll post the menu if i have enogh time

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Old 09-07-2005, 02:59 AM   #5
The Saucepan Man
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Boots Barbequed Burrahobbit

A whole Burrahobbit wrapped in a sack and roasted over an open fire for you at your table by our specialist chef, Monsieur Guillaume Huggins.

Please note that Roast Burrahobbit is subject to availability. When not available, it’s mutton yesterday, mutton today, and blimey, if it don't look like mutton again tomorrer.
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Old 09-07-2005, 10:29 AM   #6
Dimcollowen
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Gimli's Salted Pork: a tasty helping of pork cooked to perfection, and salted. *All salted porks come from Isengaurd*

Ent water: Its just that folks...Ent water, it comes from the mysterious river in Fangorn
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Old 09-07-2005, 11:05 AM   #7
The Only Real Estel
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Pipe

Meat: This is the only description that we're going to give you, so eat at your own risk. We can only say that we're glad to report that it is, indeed, back on the menu.

Singed Hobbit Toes: A great dish for the adventurous. The toes are burnt generously & served with dipping sauce. To the naysayers we assert that it's really no different than Chicken Fingers.
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Old 09-07-2005, 01:03 PM   #8
Valesse
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Elf Fingers An appetizer with a just a smige Uruk "zing". This order includes ten ageless four-to-five inch long corndogs. Though strangely gourmet seeming in appearance, the actual "finger" is from that ancient can of beany-weenies we've long forgotten in the depths of our spacious pantry (otherwise known as Utummo).

This appetizer comes in two sizes, the other simply called Hobbit Finger, which, as it sounds, only one of a significantly smaller sized corndog -already half eatten- but copius amounts of dipping sauce is provided for you by a hog-tied Saucepan Man.
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Last edited by Valesse; 09-13-2005 at 02:00 PM.
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Old 09-08-2005, 06:45 PM   #9
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Don't forget Tirion-upon-Tuna! A lovely seafood dish consisting of the freshest tuna anywhere in Belegaer.

Also on the seafood menu are our famous fisshes, precious. Just raw fishes killed from strangulation.
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Old 09-13-2005, 01:34 PM   #10
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Want to impress your friends? Order the Tossed Telperion, and watch in awe as twelve waiters carry out your spectacular (and very heavy) dish. Delightfully devised by Yavanna herself, this entree is not for beginners! For those who long for the Tossed Telperion but can not, for any reason, partake it it's dietary destruction, we suggest the Tirion-on-Tuna.
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Last edited by Valesse; 09-16-2005 at 04:45 PM.
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Old 09-13-2005, 08:28 PM   #11
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1420! Hungry enough to eat a ... ?

Today's prix fixe menu at the Mount Doom Café and Bristo is brought to us by the sous-chef, Horsa Hengist. Horsa, when interviewed for the 'zine CuisineDoom, feared to put his foot in his mouth, but finally when pressed claimed that in creating his specialities of the house he was inspired by the ancient worship of Hödîn, in whose honour peoples of the north prepared dishes of horseflesh before his worship was supressed by the Numenorean Rangers. Horsa claims that the practice had fallen into disfavour in the west but was secretly maintained by peoples of the east. When pressured, however, Horsa admitted that he was first inspired by reports that starving orcs, having been repelled at the battle of the Pelennor, took to cooking the fallen horses of the Rohirrim in their breastplates over open fires.

Horsa particularly recommends the Hasufel Hamburgers or Roast Rochallor, which brings out the delicately sweet flavour of equine flesh. For appetisers you can indulge in Nahar Nibblies and then followup these first courses with Asfalof Aspic, although one reporter suggested this dish was too thick and sticky to meet with his favour.

The CusineDoom editor recommends washing the dinner down with a generous swallow of Mearasmilk, a slightly fermented beverage known farther east as kűmýs, available in shot or pony glasses.

Horsa suggests that tomorrow's a la carte menu will feature Coomb Cavalry Kabobs with Sammath sauce--lightly flavoured with corriander, carrot and paprika--and Fondu Roheryngnonne.
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Old 11-16-2005, 02:11 PM   #12
Valesse
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Hungry? Rich? Cannibalistic? Try our new Faramir Filet! Nothing could beat this gourmet serving of manflesh complete with your choice of Diced Denethor and Miced Mithrandir, potatoes or carrotsies.
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Old 11-16-2005, 06:09 PM   #13
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Gimli's Finest Ale, Orcish Firerum. do they need explaining?
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