50 Reasons LOTR sucks

[Coral]

Well, since we're on the subject, here's his review of TTT, enjoy [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] TTT Review

[Blue Elf]

I'm glad it was ignorance then, and no joke, otherwise my e-mail would have made me sound like a total fool...

[Coral]

Well, in that case Blue Elf, you are a total fool. It was a joke. Now read the review! Quite funny.

[Aratlithiel]

LOL, Coral - you ARE a glutton for punishment aren't you? I swear, I've got to stop coming to this thread...I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I read some of these responses. The funniest thing is, some of these respondents really do believe that they are expressing intelligent views. Non-Tolkien readers already think we're a bunch of lunatics - God help us all if any of them get hold of this thread!! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[Blue Elf]

I had half a mind in the e-mail to ask if it was a joke, but I realized, if it wasn't I would be very rude.

And if it is a joke, what person has so much spare time on their hands to take it that far???

And, nothing wrong with being a LotR freak [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

I'm tired...

[Blue Elf]

P.S. Coral:
I sound like a fool, and I may appear as one.

Maybe that's cause I am one.

One big ignorant Fool of a Took am I!!

[Coral]

One big ignorant Fool of a Took am I!!

Fair enough.
What did your e-mail say? Inquiring minds want to know. Well, mine does anyway.

[Blue Elf]

I don't remember, and I can't find the e-mail now, since my AOL isn't working for some reason.

But to describe it, it was abnormally polite, bursting with annoyance. I wanted to just type "This is a joke, right?" and be out with it, but apperantly the guy had a enough of hate mail.

Not to mention, it'll make things very interesting if I get a reply...I love replying to flames and things like that (as long as I don't only get flames). [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

[Garen LiLorian]

No offence, Blue Elf, (I've read your posts and enjoy hearing your thoughts) but if you recieve a flame mail from him, you probably deserve it. This is said in the most fraternal of ways.
[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Ok, some of the jokes were in bad taste. Some of them just plain didn't work. But still.
1) The website, for those of you who didn't notice, is called pointless waste of time. Certainly not the sort of place to post a serious criticism.
2)He criticises the movie for being in widescreen format.
3)He cites imaginary people as screenwriters and directors of TTT.
4)He talks about the movie ending before the battle of Helm's Deep.
5)He says every stupid thing ignorant people have ever said about LotR, (for example, his racism topic. The Haradrim in TTT aren't even dark like they were in the book for this precise reason. He is joking) and compiles it into one "review."
How can you take him seriously?

Be upset at him for making a bad joke, maybe. But please stop thinking this is a serious essay!

[eleanor_niphredil]

I love the idea of them dropping Gimli along the way. I can see it now.

Legolas: pst, hey guys, he's not looking. Lets make a break for it!

Gimli: Guys? where are you? Are we playing hide and seek AGAIN?

Trade your Gimli in for a brand new latest modle Elf Archer. No refunds, but would you want one? [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

Um...in case anyone didnt realise, I'm joking.

[eleanor_niphredil]

You guys obviously love this stuff, so here is more.
http://www.jimcalagon.supanet.com/review.htm

enjoy.

[dragoneyes]

That's still not that funny, I'm a hard one to make laugh (especially when I'm fully awake) at least that site makes it clear that it's not serious.

[Coral]

lol People are still coming to this thread, eh? I feel special *feels special*

[Eomer of the Rohirrim]

Well Coral, this is far longer than any thread I've started up! Well done.

And Orual, I don't mean to be offensive but you cannot seriously claim to know sarcasm yet still think that reviewer was being serious.

[Orual]

Eomer--

LoL! No offense taken. But believe me, I really do know sarcasm. Ask anybody who knows me. I never thought that the reviewer was being serious--just stupid and a little offensive. I really didn't find it funny. Well, the widescreen thing was a little funny. I never took it as a serious review--just as a very bad joke. Oh well, I guess it was intended for normal people. Poor normal people... [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

~*~Orual~*~

[The Saucepan Man]

Sarcasm is great when it's funny or used for some important purpose. When it's not, the user just ends up looking stupid - just like whoever put this together.

Undoubtedly, this was meant to be humorous, but it fails big time. So the bad taste ends up being just waht it is - bad taste.

[Blue Elf]

What nags me, is how far does someone go to be humorous?? I mean, some people have WAY too much time on their hands.

Maybe that's why homework was invented...

[Coral]

Well, if you even bothered to look at the rest of the site, you will see it is a parody site, which I find quite funny. So that article is just apart of it. uh huh...if that made any sense...

[hobbit punk]

Hmmmmmmm, well I enjoy a good laugh from time to time. I can appreciate sarcasm and parody of some of the things I love the most which definately includes LOTR [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] But this article wasn't all that well done, although I did like the bit about Arwen not being able to defeat the wraiths because she is a woman [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] I think that the guy who wrote this just wanted to **** off us Tolkien fans and didn't write the article in a true critical fashion. But try not to take it too seriously. He wants us to get mad and send him angry emails, so deny him the pleasure!

[Coral]

*pokes thread*
I think it's dead....and for the record, I thought the article was hilarious
[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[Sea Tiger]

HELLO!!!!!
The whole thing was based on a book.
Whoever wrote that obviously didn't bother to pay attention to what was going on.
Sea Tiger The Elf-Maiden Archer [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[Aduyuldaiel-MirkwoodPrincess]

...loser...

[Keeper of Dol Guldur]

I've never laughed that hard in my entire life! Oh wait- yes I have. But I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. Oh wait- yes I have. Um... I haven't laughed that hard in two days? Yeah, that works!

"Millions of copies of the LOTR DVD have thick black bars at the bottom and top of the screen throughout the film." ~ever heard of widescreen edition?

"I guess this movie takes place in a world where rings magically change sizes on their own." ~ Oh. My. God. I never knew that ME had magical artifacts! *laughes at my own cynicism and sarcastically disdainful post*

"Give me one reason that story couldn't have been told without all the fighting." ~1) THE WAR OF THE RING! Who's ever heard of a war with no fighting? Or do they want LOTR-gone-Disney, because we could e-mail this poor, poor man the link to that particular thread.

"If you watch closely during the Inn scene, Frodo and his crew are shown getting stabbed by the Ring Wraiths. Then, five seconds later, they are fine again." ~I never knew that hobbits were stuffed with feathers! Oh, I know- they must have had chicken for dinner.

"Liv Tyler's character is seen easily defeating nine strong supernatural beings, even though she is clearly a woman." ~point being?

"None of my reading on evolutionary biology reveals a single reason why a particular race of humans would develop unflammable facial hair as this would provide practically no advantage in either survival or mating." ~but I bet he's never read up on the evolutionary biology of 'unflammable facial hair' of WIZARDS. I repeat- not human. Come on, buddy, time to start crackin'.

"The "travelling on our quest through a corn field" scene was stolen from Shrek." ~*"Hobbits are like... onions. Not parfaits, not layer cake... onions."*

"Sorry, Mr. Jackson, but modern science has proven that in any modern civilization, hippies would be extinct." ~I happen to love VT, thank you very much.

"Why couldn't Bilbo have been played by Vin Diesel?" ~the slight height differential might have made it difficult

Ahh, me... I should really stay away from this type of thread. It amuses me far too much. I actually didn't realize that this was a joke until I read the dropping-Gimli part. Then I went back and actually started to find some of the stuff amusing. Not that amusing that I'd share it with friends... it's not worth the energy it would take to show them... Oh well. It was worth the laugh. My advice to the rest of the posters: when the start of a thread says "at your own risk" or anything of the sort, it usually means you may not like it. Also, (and it took me awhile to get this one down) NOT EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD HAS THE SAME TASTE IN BOOKS! Ours is simply better than theirs! Lighten up.

[ArwenBaggins]

Homage or theft II?
The wise old wizard character was stolen from Harry Potter.

Homage or theft III?
The "travelling on our quest through a corn field" scene was stolen from Shrek.

I hope they know that both of these situations and movies were created 40 some years after LotR. I think of it more of the other way 'round.

[Luinalatawen]

This person either hates Tolkien and LotR, is trying WAY too hard to be humorous, or both.

[Arwen_Evenstar]

Ok, I KNOW the list was a joke but, lets say its real, this would be my retaliation:

2 REASON LOTR(the movie)RULES!
1. It is obviously far to superior for your peanut sized brains, so we can get a good laugh out of watching you trying to deciepher it.
2. Viggo Mortensen.

[img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

EDIT:The fortress at Helm's Deep stands like a stoney island in a dark sea of Orc, spears bristling in the air like a stampede of huge porcupines if they somehow had spears instead of quills and clumps of Orc for bodies and weren't stampeding.
MY GOD THATS FUNNY! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[ April 13, 2003: Message edited by: Arwen_Evenstar ]

[Ainaserkewen]

What the hell!!!
This isn't funny because it's wrong!
k, there are so many things wrong with this. If you're going to rewiew a movie based on a book, read the stupid book and all your naive questions will be answered! Did you write this Coral, cause it's frustrating!

[Lucinda]

The funniest thing has got to be the people who took this seriously! Its so obvious that its just a joke, which is what makes it funny!!! [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]

[dragoneyes]

I feel like we've been here before... Hmmm...

I like your retaliation though Arwen_Evenstar

[Rynoah, the Overly-Happy]

Look closely and you'll notice the human member of their party is played by two different actors at different points of the movie (it takes a sharp eye to notice, but one of them has red hair, one black).

*dies of laughter, reads it again and dies again* This guy's good!

The mutated muscular soldiers of Mordor turned out to be hilariously ineffective soldiers, a dozen of them held off by a single dying human. Apparently they made the beasts by crossing Orcs, Goblins and the French.

After reading this, how can you take this list seriously? I mean, the guy just made a comment about racism not five "reasons" above this. C'mon, now.

Every time Frodo or Bilbo went invisible with the ring they should have also gone BLIND. Your eyes cannot function unless light is reflected off the cornea. If light passes through it (as must be the case with invisibility) sight is no longer possible.

I do like the point they brought up here.

I guess elves have glands on their back that secrete arrows.

*falls to the floor laughing hysterically*

Why is the black octopus creature painted as the bad guy when it attacks, when one of the fellowship had clearly been throwing rocks at it?

That's right! I should start a "protest the cruelty to Watchers in the water" campaign! *cackles insanely*

Oh, and that review someone else posted was flat-out HILARIOUS! I think my favorite is:

Then they travel down a river in boats. Freddo isn't sure what to do with the ring, then this other guy, Borremeer who is with them, gets taken over by the dark side and tries to steal the ring.

*dies all over again*