Malbeth the Seer

[Rimbaud]

"Right now, Dwarves are in your front yard annihilating your grandmother's antique wardrobes. Perhaps you should call the Shirriffs."

It's funny because it's true.

[Evisse the Blue]

Straight from the mouth of wise Malbeth:

Tom Bombadil is a Bree-lander.

Alas, the Bombadil riddle has been solved. Who would dare to argue now?

[Naurwen_of_Lothlorien]

Tom Bombadil is a Bree-lander. Hahaha! Well, of all the theories! I never thought for a second that he might be a bree-lander, but now I think of it, it does explain a lot. All that singing, he must have had one too many!!

[the guy who be short]

Only through the tumbling falls will you reach Orthanc.

Orthanc still stands after all these millenia? I'm going as soon as possible! Now, where's the nearest waterfall?

You may think that you are the lord of your hall, but it is known to all that your evil cow holds the true power in your household. Be prepared! When the ice thaws, the time will be ripe for you to choke the usurper and regain control!

You September-borns choke that evil, tricksy, nasssty little cow.

I am the Elf. I am the Elf. I am the Walrus. Koo koo kachoo!

I get the feeling Malbeth is messing around with you May-borns. You're probably all a bunch of non-believers!

[Naurwen_of_Lothlorien]

Many Gaffer ponies approach from the direction of the suffocating humidity. Prepare to be exceuted.*

...... [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img] [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]

Executed by Gaffer ponies!? Well, well, well. [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]

I'm beginning to think that Malbeth doesn't like November borns...

Yours executedly,

~Naurwen

[Evisse the Blue]

Lonely are the Orcs of Lothlórien. 'Tis best if they are overcame.*

Yea, let's put the poor lonely orcs out of their misery. Nobody wants to play with them in Lothlorien... sniff. [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]
Evil nassty elvses! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Should you fear the Easterling in the company of Trolls? He is like the bird among roosters!

I'm not sure what this means, but I don't think that I'd want to be that Easterling.

[Naz]

Deliver the marshes to the Gondorians and there will be peace.*

Today's for December borns. I am confuzzled.. The Gondorians can have the marshes. *hands marshes over* :P

[the guy who be short]

Hearken, Fool! There is no wisdom in the betraying of geese. If you persist in following this path, you are likely to have your arms ripped asunder and your helmet cloven by angry Huorns!

Argh! Okay, okay, I won't betray the geese. They started it though...

Few wealthy Orcs remain to trouble your people. You may now safely wander to Umbar

Orcs? Wealthy? Hmm... *imagines orc in tuxedo* Can't imagine it. Oh well, at least I have safe passage to the Pirate scum of Umbar now, if I ever feel like commiting suicide.

Lonely are the Half-elves of Ithilien. 'Tis best if they are killed.

*Takes out sword.*

[Sleepy Ranger]

The cocky Beorning is a fine match for love - unless you're not a Beorning.*

I'm not a Beorning, I'm not a Beorning [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]smilies/confused.gif[/img] Who wants to marry a were-bear? [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]

When I was but a young seer, the cliff was greener, the Orcs tougher, and the blades deadlier. Now the spring comes, and you don’t even care?!

Thats right, I don't

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 7:09 AM January 26, 2004: Message edited by: Sleepy Ranger ]

[Evisse the Blue]

In Mirkwood duel many craven Harfoots and sparrows. Join them if you dare!*

Alright I'll do it. This sounds like fun! Anyone with me?

from Disclaimer:

Any resemblance to actual events is strictly coincidental.

reaaaally? and I took them for the real thing! All these years, guiding my life by Malbeth's wise words... I could sue you you know! [img]smilies/mad.gif[/img]

<font size=1 color=339966>[ 4:33 AM January 27, 2004: Message edited by: Evisse the Blue ]

[Nimrothiel]

"The howling of skunks in the ditches forebodes bad times ahead."--hmmm; not a very good prediction for one's birthday, eh?

[Sleepy Ranger]

A Ghost will help you ere the next full moon.*

ooo Scary...... ghost? Of Aragorn or Turin hopefully or maybe even Finrod or Malbung or Bilbo or...or..or my great great great grandpa

[High King Fingolfin]

If you seek to write poetry, do not listen to the Balrogs nor to the minstrels of the Misty Mountains. All the inspiration you need you will find in the shining sun and the eagle as it weeps.*

Oh rats, my weeping eagle just left! And right when I wanted to start writing poetry too.

[Sirithheruwen]

Dark is the road from the White Mountains. Do not have a Gondorian to show you the way, for the Gondorian may possess you.
- Malbeth the Seer -

Oooh, I'm quaking in my boots! Actually, pointe shoes (I'm trying to break them in right now). I'm a little confuzzled by this one... Why would I want to go away from the White Mountians if there is a chance I might get possessed? *sits down where she is and falls asleep*
Bye-bye for now!
Siri

[Sirithheruwen]

Your path leads to the Shire. Beware any Valar you find there!*

Yay! Shire! Hobbits! ALE!!! Ohhhh...beware the Valar...Mommy, help! The meanie Valar are chasing me! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!! Ok, just ignore me...

[Sirithheruwen]

December-born:
Cleverly, the Maia hunts the turtles. You must laugh the Maia the same way.*

Laugh the Maia cleverly? How do you do that? Laugh AT them cleverly maybe? Wait...how do you do that?

August-Born:
The Nazgûl have almost never mistrusted in the hills, but the elk would not care if they did.*

Good old elk!

April-born:
Blessed are the wolves, for they shall surely inherit the canyons of Celeborn when he croaks in seven days.

Celeborn has canyons? Celeborn CROAKS?!?!?! Bless the WOLVES? I'm confuzzled...

[High King Fingolfin]

Some Maiar enjoy consuming , but it is forbidden in Rhovanion.

Consuming what? And why is it forbidden in Rhovanion?

[Evisse the Blue]

Many hammer-armed Rangers are just beyond the prairie. Pile your rugs high to barricade your doors. But first bring your turtles in or they'll be eaten.*

The mutant Rangers are coming! And, ewww, they eat turtle too! Too bad I've given all my rugs to the dry cleaners. I'll have to use curtains instead.

[The Perky Ent]

If the horse shies away from the Wainrider, does it surprise you?

Actually, it kinda does...

[Evisse the Blue]

Malbeth the Seer is strangely melancholic today and foresees heartache for the January born girls:

Many a Easterling when one gets to know
Proves to be short and false:
That treacherous creature taught me a lesson,
The unforgiving one covered me with shame;
That was all I got from him.

Hmm, now replace Easterling with Eastern Europeans and you may just have a point there...

[The Perky Ent]

Maybe I'm not paying Malbeth enough, but he's comming out with some strange stuff:

One Elf at hand in the crevasses is worth more than a thousand Harfoots far away in the White Mountains.

Ain't that the truth! You know them Harfoots

[tar-ancalime]

If you find yourself at sunrise lying in a cow parked outside a strange citadel, ask the Elf who lives there for directions to the White Mountains. He'll know the way.

Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I found myself lying in a cow!

[Elennar Starfire]

Shagrat and Dernhelm sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

I think this worries me...

Blessed are the wolves, for they shall surely inherit the canyons of Celeborn when he croaks in seven days.

Celeborn has canyons? Celeborn CROAKS?!?!?! Bless the WOLVES? I'm confuzzled...

Obviously, Celeborn is soon to be turned into a frog.

[The Perky Ent]

There's a Easterling who knows, all that glitters is grey, and she's riding a sled to the sea. When she gets there she knows, if the Halflings are all devoured, with a word she can get what she came for.

Woah! That's one determined Easterling!

[Evisse the Blue]

Orlando Bloom may be nice, but you can only count on the love of the lamenting Variag. He may not be outgoing, but you have to admire his foolish deceptiveness in liking you.

I never liked Orlando Bloom anyway. Variags on the other hand...What are Variags anyway?? An cross between Wargs and Valar?

[The Perky Ent]

A cross between Wargs and Valar What a world we live in!

A Maia is never late. He walks exactly when he means to - around dawn

I guess that makes sense, but what about maia that fly?

[High King Fingolfin]

A difficult choice lies before you! Do not be seduced by the words of an unappreciated Man, though they may seem good. Hearken instead to the secret whispers of the bull, and your path will be revealed!

Huh? I don't know any bulls.

BTW Evisse, a Variag is a Man from Khand.

[The Perky Ent]

Oh, is it now? That's ok.

Always stop an ent from riding a warg

What? Is this some law? We can't ride Wargs now? How dare you!

[Evisse the Blue]

Originally Posted by High King Fingolfin

BTW Evisse, a Variag is a Man from Khand.

Thanks! I really had no idea.

Check this out:

Seek for the carpet that was respected, in the Blue Mountains it dwells, there shall be bees respected stronger than Morgul spells. blackcheeks are the latest thing in the Blue Mountains. Any modern Wainrider like you shall do likewise!

That's a riddle that I'll surely need Elrond or another wise one to solve it for me!

[yavanna II]

Thou, Tolkien freak, art doomed to suffer the consequences of not listening to Botany and Geometry, and instead reading tOLKIEN books.... that includes failing...
-Malbeth-
me: ULOL KA Ba?

during the periodicals...
Chemistry: Element wth symbol B.
me: BEREN.

Geometry: blah blah[ununderstandable questions....]
Me: Sauron's the bad guy, wasn't he? Why did Gandalf turn white?..... :

History: Queen of England with blah blah....
me: What? Queen of Numenor? I can only remember Ancalime....


after the periodicals...
Malbeth: So, freak, what happened to your test?
Me: Gee, you told me I'd fail if I won't study.... I studied! Only thing is, I failed in Chem, Geom, History......

[The Perky Ent]

Beware the Ides of Rethe

Frodo: E tu Samwise? Then fall Frodo....

[The Perky Ent]

Many leagues lie between you and Mirkwood, but seek the Great Ent you must.*

Wow! Looks like the Barrow-Wight needed Yoda's help on this one

[Evisse the Blue]

Yoda

If troubled by lovely spiders, seek an old Nъmenorean for advice on how to hang them.*

If they were lovely, one wouldn't be untroubled by them.

Does the cow flee from the owls? Why should you flee the Wizards?*

Some cows do. Yes, they do. Surely.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

Today's Prophecy for September-born
7 September, 2004

An army of Gondorians marches on Dunland intent on destruction. Your only hope is to find a big slingshot.
- Malbeth the Seer -

I know the answer to this riddle. The army of Gondorians is the Ants that live in the kitchen of old, or so 'tis said in the lore of the drunken Númenóreans. It was camped seven leagues north-west of Tharbad, when the army of the Dunlending cursed them. Then David showed up and killed Goliath. The End.

If they were lovely, one wouldn't be untroubled by them. (Evissë)

They were lovely, but they were fell, and ever hungry. They it was who consumed the Black Forest (cake) of old. I think.

You're getting too old for this analysis of prophecies business, don'tcha think?

[Evisse the Blue]

May I bring to your attention the wise advice that Malbeth the Seer gives January borns at the beginning of this year. So take heed:

To love a Longbeard whose ways are false
Is like praising over slippery ice
With unshod horses out of control,
Badly refreshed two-year-olds,
Or drifting rudderless on a rough prairie,
Or catching a gull with a crippled shoulder
On a thawing hillside: think not to do it.

Got it? Good!

[The Perky Ent]

Tom Bombadil is a vala

I KNEW IT! Malbeth is never wrong! He is a Vala! I'd reckon he's more powerful than Manwe and Morgoth combined.

[Firefoot]

The stupid should stay offline.
-Malbeth-

Sounds good to me.

[Nerindel]

Today's prophecy for us May born's

Look first to the forests. In them lies the true music to follow.*
- Malbeth the Seer -

Oh but the sea is so alluring!!! But the seer is never wrong! so to the forest it is

[Bergil]

I can predict the score of any hocky game before it starts .................................................. .................................................. ...................................
.................................................. .................................................. ...................................
.............before it starts the score is always 0 to 0! and the link at the front dosn't work.