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Old 11-18-2003, 06:17 PM   #1
Findegil
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Sting Ruin of Doriath - Final Part

So, now for the last section:

Some conventions of my writing:
Normal Text is from the basic text that is mentioned below (when I change the basic-Text it will be mentioned)
Bold Text source information, comments and remarks
{ } = text that should be deleted
[ ] = normalised text

<source > = additions with source information
example = text inserted for garmatical reason
/ / = outline expansion

The basic text is that of The Tale of the Nauglafring.
Since full-text quoting is not appropirate any longer, I will only give the starting words of each paragraph of the basic text and all editions or delitions, but not the regular changes.

§43a (§32) RD-FP-01 <QS30 Now the Dwarf-road to Nogrod{ and Belegost} in the Blue Mountains passed through East Beleriand and the woods about the River Gelion, where aforetime were the hunting grounds of {Damrod and Diriel}[Amrod], son{s} of Féanor. To the south of those lands between the river and the mountains lay the land of {Assariad}[Ossiriand], and there lived and wandered still in peace and bliss Beren and Lúthien, in that time of respite which Lúthien had won, ere both should die; and their folk were the Green Elves of the South, who were not of the Elves of {Côr}[Tirion], nor of Doriath, though many had fought at the [First ]Battle of {Unnumbered Tears}[Beleriand].> RD-FP-02 And at<Sil77 {At} that time Beren and Lúthien{ yet} dwelt in Tol Galen, the Green Isle, in the River Adurant, southernmost of the streams that falling from Ered Lindon flowed down to join with Gelion; and their son Dior Eluchíl had to wife Nimloth, kinswoman of Celeborn, prince of Doriath, who was wedded to the Lady Galadriel. The sons of Dior and Nimloth were Eluréd and Elurín; and a daughter also was born to them, and she was named Elwing, which is Star-spray, for she was born on a night of stars, whose light glittered in the spray of the waterfall of Lanthir Lamath beside her father's house.> RD-FP-03 <QS30 But Beren went no more to war, and his land was filled with loveliness and a wealth of flowers; and while Beren was and Lúthien remained Men called it oft {Cuilwarthien}[Dor Firn-i-Guinar], the Land of the Dead that Live.

§43b (§33) To the north of that region is a ford across the river {Ascar}[Gelion], near to its joining with {Duilwen}[Ascar] that falls in torrents from the mountains; and that ford is named {Sarn-athra}[ Sarn Athrad], the Ford of Stones. This ford the Dwarves must past ere they reached their homes}.>

§44 (§34) RD-FP-04 <Sil77 Now word went swiftly among the Elves of Ossiriand that a great host of Dwarves bearing gear of war had come down out of the mountains and passed over Gelion at the Ford of Stones. These tidings came soon to Beren and Lúthien; and in that time also a messenger came to them out of Doriath telling of what had befallen there{.}>: ‘Fire and death and the terror of {Orcs}[war]; but {Tinwelint}[Thingol] is slain.’

§45 & §46a (§35) Then did both Beren and Tinuviel weep bitter tears; nor did the full tale{ of Huan} dry their eyes. When then it was ...

§46b (§36) RD-FP-05 Now not even Beren knew the tale of those{ myriad} folk that followed his horn in the woods of{ Hisilome}[Ossiriand], and befor ever the moon was high above the hills the {host}[company] assembled in the glade of his abiding {was very}[seemed him] great[ enough], yet were they lightly armed and the most bore only knives and bows. ‘Yet,’ said Beren, ‘speed is that which now we need the most’; and certain Elves at his bidding fared like deer before him, seeking news of the march of the Dwarves{ and Indrafangs}, but at dawn he followed at the head of the green Elves, and Tinúviel abode in the glade and wept unto herself for the death of {Tinwelint}[Thingol], and {Gwendelin also she mourned as dead}[the departure of Melian].

§46c (§37) Now is to tell that the laden host of the Dwarves fared from the place of their ransacking, and Naugladur was at their head. RD-FP-06 {, and beside him Ufedhin and Bodruith; … here we take out again the rest of these and the next 3 paragraphs, until: … ; yet few have pitied him.
Now tells the tale that}And he fell in with the rangers of Beren's folk, and these gaining RD-FP-07 { from him} sure knowledge of all the host and array of Naugladur and the ways he purposed to follow, they sped back like wind among the trees unto their lord;{ but Ufedhin revealed not to them who he was, feigning to be an Elf of Artanor escaped from bondage in their host. Now therefore they entreated him well, and he was sent back to Beren that their captain might ............ his words, and albeit Beren marvelled at his [?cowardly]......’ and downward glance it seemed to him that he brought safe word,} and he set a trap for Naugladur. RD-FP-08 { No longer did he march hotly on the trail of the Dwarves, but knowing} Knowing that they would essay the passage of the river {Aros}[Gelion] at a certain time he turned aside, faring swiftly with his light-footed Elves by straighter paths that he might reach Sarn{a}[-A]throd the Stony Ford before them. Now the {Aros}[Gelion] is a fierce stream RD-FP-09 { - and is it not that very water that more near its spring runs swiftly past the aged doors of the Rodothlim's caves and the dark lairs of Glorund' -} and in those lower regions by no means can be crossed by a great host of laden men save at this ford, nor is it overeasy here. Never would Naugladur have taken that way had he knowledge of Beren - yet blinded by the spell and the dazzling gold he feared nought either within or without his host, and he was in haste to reach Nogrod and its dark caverns{, for the Dwarves list not long to abide in the bright light of day}.

§46d (§38) Now came all that host to the banks of {Aros}[Gelion], ...

§46e (§39) Morn was it when they reached the hither bank ...

§46f (§40) Suddenly is all that place filled with the sound of elfin horns, and one {...}[brayed] with a clearer blast above ...

§47 (§41) Now were the warriors on the far bank {[? }wrapped{]} in battle and rallying sought to come at their foes, but these fled nimbly before them, while {[?}others{]} poured still the hail of arrows upon them, and thus got the Eldar few hurts and the Dwarf-folk fell dead unceasingly. Now was that great fight of the Stony Ford{ ......} nigh to Naugladur, for even ... their white beards torn by the wind, filled them with mirth. RD-FP-10 <Sil77 {but}[But] some escaping from the ambush held together, and fled eastwards towards the mountains. And as they climbed the long slopes beneath Mount Dolmed there came forth the Shepherds of the Trees, and they drove the Dwarves into the shadowy woods of Ered Lindon: whence, it is said, came never one to climb the high passes that led to their homes.>

§48 (§42) But now stood Naugladur and few were about him, and RD-FP-11 { he remembered the words of Gwendelin, for} behold, Beren came towards him and he cast aside his bow, and drew a bright sword; and Beren was of great stature{ among the Eldar}, albeit not of the girth and breadth of Naugladur of the Dwarves.

§49 (§43) Then said Beren: ‘Ward thy life an thou canst, O crook-legged murderer, else will I take it,’ and Naugladur bid him even the {Nauglafring}[Nauglamír], the necklace ... and many of his shrewdest blows did little harm to Naugladur by reason of the {[?}skill{]} and magic of his dwarfen mail; ... ‘I will slay this {Elf}[Men], and his folk will flee in fear before me,’ ... But the body of Naugladur was cast into the {Aros}[Ascar].

§51a (§45) Then did he unloose the necklace, and he gazed in wonder at it and beheld the Silmaril, even the jewel he won from Angband and gained undying glory by his deed; and he said: ‘Never have mine eyes beheld thee O Lamp of {Faery}[Féanor] burn one half so fair as now thou dost, set in gold and gems and the magic of the Dwarves’; and that necklace he caused to be washed of its stains, and he cast it not away, knowing nought of its power, but bore it with him back into the woods of {Hithlum}[Ossiriand]. But RD-FP-12 <Sil77 the treasure of Doriath was drowned in the River Ascar, and from that time the river was named anew, Rathlóriel, the Goldenbed.>

§51b (§46) But the waters of {Aros}[Ascar] flowed on for ever above the drowned hoard of {Glorund}[Glaurung], and so do still, for ...

§51c (§47) But in the vales of {Hithlum}[Ossiriand] was there ... remembering the first days of their love and those days of travail in the wild{.}, RD-FP-13 <QS30 and it is said and sung that Lúthien wearing that necklace and that immortal jewel on her white breast was the vision of greatest beauty and glory that has ever been seen outside the realms of Valinor, and that for a while the Land of the Dead that Live became like a vision of the land of the Gods, and no places have been since so fair, so fruitful, or so filled with light.>{ Now is it to be said that Beren sent for Ufedhin and … here we take out again 3 paragraphs and the first part of the 4th, until: … and came never again into the tales of the dwellers of Earth; but}But upon Beren and Tinúviel fell swiftly that doom of mortality that Mandos had spoken when he sped them from his halls - and in this perhaps did the curse of Mîm have [{?} potency] in that it came more soon upon them; RD-FP-14 { nor this time did those twain fare the road together, but when yet was the child of those twain, Dior’ the Fair, a little one, did Tinuviel slowly fade, even as the Elves of later days have done throughout the world, and she vanished in the woods, and none have seen her dancing ever there again. But Beren searched all the lands of Hithlum and of Artanor ranging after her; and never has any of the Elves had more loneliness than his, or ever he too faded from life,} and Dior {his}their son was left ruler of the brown Elves and the green, and Lord of the Nauglafring. RD-FP-15 {
Mayhap what all Elves say is true, that those twain hunt now in the forest of Orome in Valinor, and Tinuviel dances on the green swards of Nessa and of Vana daughters of the Gods for ever more; yet} Yet great was the grief of the Elves when the Guilwarthon went from among them, and being leaderless and lessened of magic their numbers minished; and many fared away <editorial addition with Dior.>{to Gondolin, the rumour of whose growing power and glory ran in secret whispers among all the Elves.}

§52 (§48) RD-FP-16 <QS30 Thereafter was Dior Thingol's heir, child of Beren and Lúthien, king in the woods, most fair of all the children of the world, for his race was threefold: of the fairest and goodliest of Men, and of the Elves, and of the spirits divine of Valinor; yet it shielded him not from the fate of the oath of the sons of Féanor. For Dior went back to Doriath and for a time a part of its ancient glory was raised anew, though Melian no longer dwelt in that place, {and}because she had departed to the land of the {Gods}[Valar] beyond the western sea, to muse on her sorrows in the gardens whence she came.> But still{Still} did Dior RD-FP-17 { when come to manhood} rule a numerous folk, and he loved the woods even as Beren had done; and songs name him mostly Ausir the Wealthy ...

§ 53 /moved up/

§ 54 /taken out/

§ 55 /taken out/

§56a (§49) RD-FP-18 {Now fare the long days of Elfinesse unto that time when Tuor dwelt in Gondolin; and children then had Dior the Elf,' Auredhir and Elwing, and Auredhir was most like to his forefather Beren, and all loved him, yet none so dearly as did Dior; but Elwing the fairy have all poesies named as beautiful as Tinuviel if that indeed may be, yet hard is it to say seeing the great loveliness of the elfin folk of yore. Now those were days of happiness in the vales of Hithlum, for there was peace with Melko and the Dwarves who had but one thought as they plotted against Gondolin, and Angband was full of labour; yet}Yet is it to tell that bitterness entered into the hearts of the{ seven} sons of Féanor, remembering their oath. Now {Maidros}[Maedhros], whom {Melko}[Morgoth] maimed, was their leader; and he called to his brethren Maglor{ and Dinithel,} and to {Damrod}[Amrod], and to Celegorm, to {Cranthor}[Cranthir] and to Curufin the Crafty, and he said to them ...

§56b (§50) Thus was it that they sent Curufin the Crafty to Dior, and told him ...

§57 & §58a (§51) Then went Curufin unto his brethren, and because of their unbreakable oath and of their [{?} thirst] for that Silmaril (nor indeed was the spell of Mîm and of the dragon wanting) they planned war upon Dior - and the Eldar cry shame upon them for that deed, the first premeditated war of elfin folk upon elfin folk, whose name otherwise were glorious among the Eldalie for their sufferings. Little good came thereby to them; for they fell unawares upon Dior, and Dior RD-FP-19 { and Auredhir were}[was] slain, <Sil77 and Nimloth his wife, and the cruel servants of Celegorm seized his young sons and left them to starve in the forest. Of this Maedhros<editorial addition later> indeed repented, and sought for them long in the woods of Doriath; but his search was unavailing, and of the fate of Eluréd and Elurín no tale tells.> {yet}Yet behold, Evranin the nurse of Elwing, and Gereth a {Gnome}[Noldor], took her unwilling in a flight swift and sudden from those lands, and they bore with them the {Nauglafring}[Nauglamír], so that the sons of Féanor saw it not; but a host of Dior's folk, coming with all speed yet late unto the fray, fell suddenly on their rear, and there was a great battle, and {Maglor}[Curufin] was slain with swords,{ and Mai.... died of wounds in the wild}, and Celegorm was pierced with a hundred arrows, and {Cranthor}[Cranthir] beside him. Yet in the end were the sons of Feanor masters of the field of slain, and the {brown}[grey] Elves and the green were scattered over all the lands unhappy, for they would not hearken to {Maidros}[Maedhros] the maimed, nor to {Curufin}[Maglor] and {Damrod}[Amrod] who had slain their lord; RD-FP-20 {and it is said that even on the day of that battle of the Elves Melko sought against Gondolin, and the fortunes of the Elves came to their uttermost waning.}<Sil77 and Doriath was destroyed and never rose again.>

§58b (§52) Now was naught left of the seed of Beren Ermabwed son of {Egnor}[Barahir] save Elwing the Lovely, and she wandered in the woods, and of the {brown}[grey] Elves and the green a few gathered to her, and they departed for ever from the glades of {Hithlum}[Doriath] and got them to the south towards Sirion's deep waters, and the pleasant lands. And thus did all the fates of the fairies weave then to one strand, and that strand is the great tale of Earendel. RD-FP-21 {; and to that tale's true beginning are we now come.' Then said Ailios: 'And methinks that is tale enow for this time of telling.'}

§59 /moved up/

The comments will followe soon.

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Edited to change format.

Last edited by Findegil; 07-26-2004 at 04:25 AM.
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Old 12-31-2003, 01:59 PM   #2
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Sting

Great job, Findegil. Aside from the obvious omissions of dated place and person names, the integration of other works into the flow of the passage was stupendous. I have only one extremely miniscule piece of input, probably not even worth noting.

Quote:
The sons of Dior and Nimloth were Eluréd and Elurín; and a daughter also was born to them, and she was named Elwing, which is Star-spray, for she was born on a night of stars, whose light glittered in the spray of the waterfall of Lanthir Lamath beside her father's house./Sil77/ But Beren went no more to war, and his land was filled with loveliness and a wealth of flowers; and while Beren was and Lúthien remained Men called it oft {Cuilwarthien}[Dor Firn-i-Guinar], the Land of the Dead that Live.
I would leave out the "but" in "But Beren went no more to war..." sentence, since the word implies a conflict between the clause "But Beren went no more to war" and the added bit from the Silmarillion, and I see none. I would simply omit it or replace it with "[And]". The "but" makes sense in the context of the original passage, but your addition from the Silm calls for an omission of the word.

Just a rather mundane observation, great work all in all!
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Old 01-06-2004, 07:32 AM   #3
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Thanks for the comment Lord of A.. If my Version will be the one we will work from, I will take up your suggestion.

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Old 07-26-2004, 07:34 AM   #4
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Changing the format of my version of the Fall of Doriath, I found out that I never did the comments and comparision for this final part that I had promised. I soon found also that this is a hard work because Maedhros version differ very much from my own. But well, if we ever will get to start with this chapter we will nontheless nedd it. So he we go:

§43a: Maedhros took not the first part of my §. He only used the Sil77 part that builded the second part in my §. But I thougt the discription of the way the Dwarves were to take fited nicely in this place.

§43b: Meadhors left that geographical information out again.

§44: Maedhros used Melian as the messenger. His § reads:
Quote:
§ 44 [Now {doth the tale know no more to tell of Huan, save that even while the swords still sang that great dog was speeding through the land, and his way led him as the [?wind]} [came Melian] to the land of Dor Firn-i-Guinar, {the living-dead} ['Land of the Dead that Live'], where reigned Beren and Tinúviel the daughter of Thingol. {Not in any settled abode did those twain dwell, nor had their realm boundaries well-marked – and indeed no other messenger save Huan alone to whom all ways were known had ever found Beren and obtained his aid so soon}. Indeed the tale tells that even as that host of {the Orcs} [dwarves] were burning all the land of Thingol and the Firebeards {and the Indrafangin [Broadbeams]} were wending homeward burdened utterly with spoils of gold and precious things, came {Huan} [Melian] to Beren's lodge, and it was dusk. Lo, Beren sat upon a tree root and Tinúviel danced on a green sward in the gloaming as he gazed upon her, when suddenly {stood Huan} [Melian appeared] before them, and Beren gave a cry of joy and wonder, {for it was long since he and Huan had hunted together,} {B} but Tinúviel looking upon {Huan} [her mother] saw that [s]he {bled} [wept], and there was a tale to read in h{is} [er] great eyes. And she said suddenly: “What evil then has fallen upon Doriath?” and {Huan} [Melian] said: “Fire and death {and the terror of Orcs; but} Thingol is slain.”]
But as I said before, I would think if Melian was cool enough to search for Beren and Lúthien, why did she lift the girdle and laid Doriath porne to its foes?

§45 & §46: Maedhros used here part of the Sil77, his § reads:
Quote:
§ 45 [Then did both Beren and Tinúviel weep bitter tears; nor did the full tale of {Huan} [Melian] dry their eyes. QS77**/[Thereafter Melian {spoke to none save to Mablung only, bidding him take heed to the Silmaril, and to send word speedily to Beren and Lúthien in Ossiriand; and she vanished out of Middle-earth, and} passed to the land of the Valar beyond the western sea, to muse upon her sorrows in the gardens of Lórien, whence she came, and this tale speaks of her no more.]/

§ 46 When {then} it was [all] told QS77**/[{Then} Beren arose **TN/ to his feet in white wrath, and seizing a horn that hung at his belt he blew a clear blast thereon that rang round all the neighbouring hills [and green elves] sprang as it were by magic towards him/, and summoning to him Dior his son [he] left Tol Galen [and] they went north to the River Ascar.]
Now this is extremly short in comparision what the Tale of the Nauglafring did have. So i adopted much more of the Tale. Since Ufedhins role as a companion of the Dwarves is gone he can not play his part here, but I thought that Berens scouts could have gathered the necessary information without him. Also i diminished the rely big host of the Green-Elves to a small company following the Letter no.247 were Tolkien said that Beren had no Army.

§47: Maedhros used this § completly from Sil77 while I did only use the introduction of the Ents following Letter no.247

§48- §50: Here We go completly conform.

§51: Maedhros used only what I have called §51a without the addition from Sil77 and my addition from the Sil77 to §51c. Thus he did not tell the renaming of the Acar nor used he the fuller account of the return of Beren.

§52: Maedhros took that § from the Sil77.

§53: Here Maedhros used the passage from the Tale about the Hoard of Glaurung lying in the River and being protected by a flood when some one seeked for it.

§54 &§55: Here again Maedhros used Sil77 to recount the death of Beren and Lúthien. But thought it better to use the older acount were they did dy during Diors time in Ossiriand.

§56 - §59: Maedhros used here the version of the second kinslaying of the Sil77 but I found it better to use the old Tale and updat it were necessary.



When ever we come to work on this chapter, I think we should start with a discussion which version we should use as a first basis of further development. But that has to wait until we have done the rest of work at hand.

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Old 07-27-2004, 04:20 PM   #5
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Findegil, I had been hard at work with my version of the Ruin of Doriath. What I posted in this forum was only my first draft, I have taken a lot of your suggestions into account and there are somethings with your version that I didn't use eg. (attitude of the dwarves asking for some female elves as a reward).
Since we seem to have come to a cul-de-sac in our Eärendil chapter, I was wondering if you would be interested in reviewing my version (4th draft) so that we can come to a compromise and have a base text (which would be IMO very advanced because it would have both of our inputs) to begin the work on the Ruin of Doriath chapter.
Can I send it to you be email? I do not want to post it yet here because I think it will only bring more confusion.
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Old 07-28-2004, 04:58 AM   #6
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I can clearly read and comment on your version, if you like.

Send it to: Ralf.Volles@gmx.de

It could take some time before I will start reading since I am reading Antoines last FoG Version, which is a hard task.

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Old 07-29-2004, 10:08 AM   #7
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I have send you my draft of my version. As I have said before, it takes into account a lot of your input especially in the beginning, but as we move towards the middle of the story our views differ a lot.
I hope that we can reach a middle ground in it so that the result can be used as the base of that discussion.
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