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Old 07-10-2003, 12:01 PM   #1
Morai
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White-Hand Middle Earth Therapy Sessions

It is time...to bring out the insecure innerchild in all inhabbitants of Middle Earth! What bothers them? Can they drive this poor therapist insane?

Gollum crawls into the room. He sits down in a chair across from the therapist Sam Gamgee.
Sam starts the session by asking, "What bothers you Gollum?"

"Nothing, no preciousss, nothing."

"You sure? And what is this 'precious' you speak of?"

Suddenly Gollum breaks into a frenzy, searching the office. He ransacks the filing cabinets, overturns the trashcans, and begins to open the drawers of Sam's desk.

Sam attempts to remain calm,

You're getting payed for this Sam, you're being payed for this. To help this, he pulls a plastic container holding his favorite rabbit stew. Unfortunately Gollum notices, and yanks the stew from him, spilling it all over poor Sam.

Sam can no longer hold his frustration, he pulls out a frying pan. Immeadiately he starts chasing Gollum around the room.

Okay, now lets see some other ideas, use any therapist, and any patient you choose.

[ July 10, 2003: Message edited by: Morai ]
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Old 07-10-2003, 12:12 PM   #2
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White-Hand

Actually, Morai, to keep this thread from being closed you must give a detailed example of what you were expecting to go in this thread.
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Old 07-10-2003, 01:28 PM   #3
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Sting

the Witch King enters the therapy room and sits down.
Ewyn(the therapist): so, tell me now - why have you come.
WK: i...i feel so empty.
Ewyn: oh, is that because i killed you?
WK: WHAT?
Ewyn: in the battle of Pelennor fields. i stabbed you, remember?
WK: WHAT?
Ewyn: oh, come on admit your loss!
WK:you're insane. now i really need a therapist(and seems that you need too)!!!
*runs away and slams the door*
Ewyn: HEY! i'm not finnished yet - oh, you payed already...well, see you next week!
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Old 07-11-2003, 08:59 AM   #4
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Eye

*Eowyn walks in and lays down on the couch Arwen is the therapist*

Eowyn: I feel locked up, caged. Like I can't escape.
Arwen: mmhmm tell me about it... *looks as if she's taking notes, but she's really playing tic-tac-toe and hang man and such*
Eowyn: well, I needed to focus my energy on someone who I thought could love me, so I went for this handsome stranger
Arwen:*sitting up* tell me of this stranger...
Eowyn: Well, his name was Aragorn...
Arwen: *interupting* That was you! Why you little...
*cat fight*

lol don't ask. I've had about 5 hours of sleep and it's really early in the morning, so this is what I came up with [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

[ July 11, 2003: Message edited by: elfearz1 ]

[ July 11, 2003: Message edited by: elfearz1 ]
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Old 07-11-2003, 10:51 AM   #5
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The Eye

The Dark Lord Sauron come into the room and lays down on the couch... (how a lidless eye can to this is up to your imagination!)
Frodo is the therapist.
Frodo: So tell me why have you come? (starts picking in between his toes while Sauron isn't looking)
Sauron: We'll I feel like a part of me is gone... I've lost it you see.
Frodo: Hmm yes... Tell me what is it that is lost?
Sauron: My wedding ring! My wife is gonna kill me when she finds out and I just can't make myself go home to face it!
Frodo: (now holding the ring in his hand and gazing at it) Oh really? Well why don't you just get another one just like it?
Sauron: I can't! It was one of a kind! I have to find it!
Frodo: Well that's just not true! I have one see! (shows ring to lidless eye)
Sauron: Oh! I must have it! I'll give you anything for it!
Frodo: Anything?
Sauron: Yes anything!!!!
Frodo: Okey how about a life-time supply of mushrooms?
Sauron: Done! Now give it here!
Frodo: Sure! Here you go! (Frodo is about to give The Ring to Sauron when he drops it into a nearby active vulcano! Sauron curses all mushrooms and the ones who eat them!)
Frodo: Ops... oh well that'll be 500$ for the therapy!!
cursing Sauron...

Oh well I thought that was a little funny.
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Old 07-11-2003, 12:35 PM   #6
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Sting

a giant eye goes to therapy... [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] brilliant!
now...let's see:

Bilbo enters the room and lays down on a divan.
Therapist-Pippin is nibbling his finger nails and doodling.
*deep silence*
*even deeper silence*
Pippin: ehm...i understood that you have something to tell me.
Bilbo: oh, sorry my lad...i fell asleep...where was i - yes, my therapy session. i feel thin.
Pippin: YOU feel thin...err...i mean good for you. i have always said that one or two pounds(or in your case lots of more) doesn't ruin a hobbit!
Bilbo: no, i mean sort of stretched, like butter, scraped over too much bread.
Pippin: bread and butter - bread and butter...EEEK! i missed the second breakfast! how could i...i mean go on.
Bilbo: i need a holiday. a very long holiday.
Pippin: hey, I'M the therapist, I decide that what you need...and I say that you need a holiday.now excuse me, i need my second breakfast!


(err...at least i had fun when doing this) [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[ July 11, 2003: Message edited by: dancing spawn of ungoliant ]
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Old 07-11-2003, 01:14 PM   #7
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Sting

hmm, I'll have a go at it..

The Balrog walks in, and takes a seat, only to find it burns to ashes at contact..

Gandalf (therapist) *not looking up* Yes, yes, do come in! What seems to be the problem?

Balrog: I feel so evil..being on fire, and being shadowy and all... and no one knows if I truly have wings or not...

Gandalf: Many are the chances of the world and help oft shall come from the hands of the weak when the wise falter...you see, *suddenly looks up* AHHH! A BALROG OF MORGOTH!!!! *grabs pokey stick of doom*

Balrog: See there's another thing, everyone connects me to Morgoth..

Gandalf: *from behind desk* You cannot pass! I am a servant of the secret fire, weilder of the flame of anor!

Balrog: But, I don't want back there.. I need help here, man!

Gandalf: Dark shadow will not avail flame of udn! Go back to the shadow!

Balrog: I'm sure if people got to know me, they'd find out I was a very nice creature..

Gandalf: YOU CANNOT PASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heh.. I was bored.. so...yeah...that's what it resulted in.. [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]
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Old 07-12-2003, 03:40 AM   #8
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Sting

hey, i really liked yours, ElenCala Isil!
just dropped by to say that this is very funny thread! i'll come back when i'm able to think again... [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

edit:well, luckily i can write without thinking...WHAT?

[ July 12, 2003: Message edited by: dancing spawn of ungoliant ]
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Old 07-12-2003, 10:31 AM   #9
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Eye

Quote:
*suddenly looks up* AHHH! A BALROG OF MORGOTH!!!! *grabs pokey stick of doom*
Must control laughter...not working...oh well. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] I have to get one of those "pokey sticks of doom"

Handsom Legolas, the therapist sits calmly at his desk, drooling over a hair products catalog. The patient, a teenage girl walks in.
Girl: OH MY GAWD! IT'S LEGOLAS!
Legolas tries to sheild himself from her kisses with his catalog.
Legolas: Um, what are you doing here?
Girl: YOU ARE SO HOTT!
Legolas: EXCUSE ME, DO YOU ALWAYS SCREAM WHEN YOU TALK?
Girl: YEAH!
Legolas hides under his desk and quickly scribbles on a piece of paper: Girl is dangerous to society, needs medication to calm down, depressants.
He shoves the prescription in her hands and pushes girl out of door. Legolas walks back to he desk. Suddenly he notices drool on his hair catalog.
Legolas: NOOOO!
He proceeds to run out of the room, looking for his own therapist.
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Old 07-12-2003, 02:24 PM   #10
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Sting

HAHAHAHAH must control.... falling off of chair... [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] I know I already have had a go at it but you filled me with such inspiration!
It will never be as good but oh well.

Galadriel is sitting very still as if meditating behind her desk. I hard knock on the door makes her fall of her chair and she hurries to get up before the door opens.
Gal: Yes..um... come in (in a high voice)
Elrond walks in: I'm here for my one o'clock mam.
Gal: Yes yes have a seat! (in normal voice)
Elrond: Well this week I have this feeling
Gal: yes....
Elrond: Like I've sent someone to their certain doom...I cry every night.
Gal: AAAAh... the quest will claim his life.
Elrond: Yes that's what you said last week! I've been having bad dreams ever since!
Gal: Yes well... well I only said that because you were teasing me about my ears again...
Elrond: You mean he's not going to die!?
Gal: Well it wasn't very nice of you to say that my ears were... not as pointy as yours!
Elrond: But but... I've been waking up every night and and AAAARRG!! (reallt angry... stomping feet... red pointy ears)
Gal: sorry
Elrond: I sent Glorfindel out to get my dry cleaning a week ago and you tell me he's gonna die trying!
Gal: Well I'm very sensitive about my ears!
Elrond: Oh okey... So what do you think about this ring stuff?
Gal: Oh piece of cake... send a hobbit!
Elrond: Right on... see you next week.

ok not nearly as funny as the last one but I tried I really tried.... [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]
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Old 07-12-2003, 07:08 PM   #11
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Sting

Denethor walks into Dr.Smeagol/Gollums' office looking beside himself with glee at the fact that his face is covered in 3rd degree burns.

Gollum: What bothers you we wonders

Denethor quickly looks around the room for whoever Besides Smeagol wonders what is bothering him. Seeing that no one else is there he sits down.

Denethor: Well as you can see I am a severe pyromaniac and I need help.

Gollum: He likes fire yeeessss does the crazy king looove fire is it precious
to him?

Denethor: Yes you could say that

Gollum: YOU IDIOT THERE IS ONLY ONE PRCIOUS AND ITS GONE SO FIRE CANNOT BE PRECIOUS!

Gollum begins to moan loudly and roll on the floor

Denethor: Would you like to lie down

Gollum: YEESSS we would yessss

denethor walks to gollums chair an picks up his clipboard as gollum lies on the patients couch

Denethor: Well Mr.Gollum what was this "PRECIOUS"....... [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
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Old 07-13-2003, 02:32 AM   #12
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Silmaril

This is the re-enacment of Glorfindel's first therapy session.


Glorfindel entres an office, there is a CD playing, which he sees is entitled, "sounds of the rainforest" A young girl is sitting at the dest in reception.
"hello may i help you?"
G- Glorfindel, to see the doctor.
Receptionist: She will be right with you.


---
2 minutes later. The door is opened and the Shrink lets him in.
Shrink: have a seat Glorfindel.
G- how do you know my name?
Shrink: i know a great many things.
G- you do??? ***paranoyed glance*** "HOW??"
Shrink- ive seen you profile in the store room.
G-oh... whats your name.
Shrink- you may call me Doctor Cindy.
G- hello Cindy.


Cindy- now, what can i do for you Glorfindel.
G- I feel so ignored... **starts crying**
C- Why?
G- Arwen stole my horse! she stole my role in the movie! she stole the potential for me to have millions of fan girls flocking to my side every minute of the day and night!! ***now out of breath**

C- is that all?
G- NO! no! now you mention it, i want to kill Arwen, and she's not the only one! Peter Jackson! he is an evil evil little man! And Aragorn, never washed his hair- highly offencive! NO one understands! **starts crying**

Doctor Cindy: I do Glorfindel. Have a kleenex... **hands him a box of tissues**

Glorfindel: Thankyou Doctor Cindy...

Doctor Cindy: now what you can do now is, every time you think bad things about anyone, i want you to write them down in this Diary... *hands Glorfindel a diary.** And im going to perscribe you Vallium.

Glorfindel opens it and studies the pages.
G- Doctor Cindy, this says "Bridget Jones' Diary"
Cindy now looks embarassed, and switches the diary.
Doctor Cindy- Sorry.

Glorfindel: well thankyou again Doctor Cindy, and just between you and me, i like you better than Doctor Phil and Oprah put together.

[ July 14, 2003: Message edited by: Everdawn ]
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Old 07-13-2003, 05:07 AM   #13
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Sting

a random orc drags in and sits down.
Dr.Treebeard stands in the corner and drinks water.

orc: i'm desperate! Gorbag doesn't even notice me. he thinks that i'm just orc number 1374 and he calls me Snaga, a slave! you know, that doesn't really help my bad self-assurance! i feel so small and needless.*starts weeping*
Dr.Treebeard(very slowly): let us not be hasty...i know precisely what you're going through. some guys called me a tree! A TREE, Brarum!!!
orc: hey, i'm the patient here, i have heartache!
Dr.Treebeard(very slowly): ofcourse, let us focus on you.
orc: i do my best but Gorbag doesn't notice me.i even put my new streaky bathing suit on when we were swimming but no, he didn't notice!
Dr.Treebeard(with normal speed): really? don't tell me that it had blue stripes!
orc: yes it had, why?
Dr.Treebeard(in a high pitched voice): fool of an orc, blue stripes! they got out of fashion already in the 2nd Age!
orc: oh my...what shall i do now?
Dr.Treebeard: you don't have any other option...
orc: please, no!
Dr.Treebeard: yes, pink stripes!
orc: well, if thet helps.
Dr.Treebeard: believe me, i know what i'm talking about! and if you hurry the stores are still open.
orc: thanks, you saved my day, Tree!*runs to the store*
Dr.Treebeard: Tree? he called me A TREE!?! should i buy pink-striped bikinis too...i think that those i bought in the beginning of the 3rd Age are now little too tight...


oh well, that was lame, maybe i should rest...or buy pink-striped bathing suit [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

[ July 13, 2003: Message edited by: dancing spawn of ungoliant ]
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Old 07-13-2003, 03:33 PM   #14
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Question

Quote:
Dr.Treebeard: Tree? he called me A TREE!?! should i buy pink-striped bikinis too...i think that those i bought in the beginning of the 3rd Age are now little too tight...
Too funny...can't hold in hysterical laughter...HAHAHAHA.

Aragon the therapist is sitting at his desk, polishing his sword. A ring wraith "floats" into the room.
Aragon: So what is your problem, sir..."
Ring Wraith: SCREEEECH! SCREAM SCREECH. YAAHH!
Aragon: Huh, I'm sorry, I don't speak the foul language of Mordor. There are children in this building you know.
Ring Wraith: YAAAH! SCREEK!
Aragon pulls out a note pad, starts doodling while pretending to know what the Ring Wraith is saying.
Aragon: Ah, yes, I see.
Ring Wraith: SCREAM SCREEK!
Aragorn: Hmm...what you need is a bunch of stuffed animals and a tea set.
Aragon writes it down and ushers the Ring Wraith out of the room with his sword.
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Old 07-14-2003, 11:18 PM   #15
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The Eye

(Theoden walks into Dr. Wormtongue's office)

THEODEN: I somehow feel like I'm too old to do my job... and that there is some evil at work in my land...

WORMTONGUE: What you've been hearing is just, ummmmmmmmmm, a, uh, reflection of your past experiences. There is OBVIOUSLY no evil in your land, and I am sure that if you listen to ME more often, you would definitely be more relaxed and more capable of doing your job... Yes, let me handle all your work. Oh, and if you feel too old again, just take this prescription to Dr. Saruman for some pills. You'll feel better in no time.

THEODEN: Thank you.
*he is about to leave*

WORMTONGUE: Oh, and please stay away from Dr. Gandalf. He is obviously a quack.

*Theoden leaves*

WORMTONGUE: (insert evil laugh here)

I know, that was lame... *sigh*

*ducks to avoid a flying piano*
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Old 07-17-2003, 11:43 AM   #16
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*throws piano at Meneltarmacil [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]*

Diamond Took, Pippin's wife, walks into Dr. Sauron's office.

S: (hissing voice) How may I help you?
D: Well, my husband is too busy being Thain of the Shire to have time for me. *sniffles*
S: Well, that is easy to fix, madam. All you must do is and mutilate him until he is a mere shadow of himself and can do nothing but what you tell him to do!
D: Sir? Are you sure that's a good idea?
S: Of course, it worked with the elves my master captured.
D: *weird look* Doctor, are you certain that you're entirely sane?
S: Of course I'm not sane. I'M AN EVIL OVERLORD AND I'M GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AS SOON AS I GET MY RING BACK!!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Diamond runs screaming from the office.
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