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Visit The *EVEN NEWER* Barrow-Downs Photo Page |
07-30-2007, 01:10 AM
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#1 |
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Princess of Skwerlz
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: where the Sea is eastwards (WtR: 6060 miles)
Posts: 7,645
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Worst of Tolkien Art
A link on the German Tolkien Society's forum lead me to a list of horrible paintings of Tolkien subjects. View and despair!
 "The horror" by aervir The exotic dancing Lúthien has to be the most ridiculous image I've seen so far. Perhaps some of you have seen more awful pictures to add to the list?
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'Mercy!' cried Gandalf. 'If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?' 'The whole history of Middle-earth...' |
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07-30-2007, 02:40 AM
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#2 |
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A Mere Boggart
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: under the bed
Posts: 4,814
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Haha! Excellent!
They have a traditional slideshow at Oxonmoot of art and illustration and it's very rude about some of the art, though they tend to pick on Alan Lee which aint fair - they never pick on Nasmith, who is always there, and who isn't always the best, as seen in those pics  I hate the Bakshi and Hildebrandt Brothers' pictures of Hobbits - they should be burnt, they have produced the most lumpen, ugly, garden-gnome like undignified Hobbits. Ugh. And that Hildebrandt illustration of Aragorn & Arwen's wedding always makes me laugh - it looks like a Klan gathering. I quite like Roger Garland though - he's so trippy and his art comes out a bit like something disturbing by Bosch.
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Gordon's alive!
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07-30-2007, 06:19 AM
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#3 |
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Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Muddy-earth
Posts: 1,307
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If a picture paints a thousand words........
..........then these are mumbling. I have always hated the Hildebrant versions, and Garland does very little for me. Bakshi's Sam is probably one of the worst visually ever. I still think the best Gandalf was done by Caulty. I have seen that slideshow Lal and you are right.......
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[B]THE LORD OF THE GRINS:THE ONE PARODY....A PARODY BETTER THAN THE RINGS OF POWER. |
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07-30-2007, 06:32 AM
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Curmudgeonly Wordwraith
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits
Posts: 2,528
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Them thar' be some ghastly pictures, matey. I would elect #8 as the ghastliest. The reviewer caught the Pieta reference, but Boromir is modeled more on any one of several St. Sebastian portraits as well. And what's up with Aragorn as an old draq queen?
#6 is obviously the Bolshoi version of Beren and Luthien.
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And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision. |
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07-30-2007, 06:51 AM
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#5 |
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Guard of the Citadel
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxon
Posts: 2,287
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Oh, what I really find amusing is the cover of a Tolkien calendar Parmastahir once showed me.
Sauron looked like a strange radioactive cat, and Tolkien had been misspelled as Tolkein on the cover. Fortunately it wasn't used in any calendar. I looked at the link he posted, it was from Ebay, and it seems the picture of this work of art no longer is there. Maybe someone finds it on the net...really funny anyway.
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“The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.”
Delos B. McKown |
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07-30-2007, 11:55 AM
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#6 |
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Illustrious Ulair
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In the home of lost causes, and forsaken beliefs, and unpopular names,and impossible loyalties
Posts: 4,256
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08-02-2007, 02:41 PM
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Princess of Skwerlz
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: where the Sea is eastwards (WtR: 6060 miles)
Posts: 7,645
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Here's a Hildebrandt drawing that has Aragorn telling his fishing story:
"And the one that got away was thiiiis big!" Aside from the horribly childlike Hobbits, the one thing that strikes me most is Aragorn's boottops - do tell me how a Ranger is supposed to move silently when his footwear is apt to snag on every twig?! And is this a depiction of Tolkien's version of the Holy Grail?
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'Mercy!' cried Gandalf. 'If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you. What more do you want to know?' 'The whole history of Middle-earth...' |
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08-02-2007, 03:07 PM
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A Mere Boggart
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: under the bed
Posts: 4,814
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Quote:
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Gordon's alive!
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08-02-2007, 04:16 PM
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Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: As with the flygja
Posts: 1,612
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Quote:
The only 'good' slight difference is that this Pietà isn't so much out of porportion... Just in sotty taste. Genie Morgoth and His Forty Thieves This one is probably the 'best' so far of Morgoth and his compadre, the Witch-King...   ~ Critique Ka
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Vinur, vinur skilur tú meg? Veitst tú ongan loyniveg? Hevur tú reikað líka sum eg, í endaleysu tokuni? |
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08-03-2007, 04:42 AM
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A Mere Boggart
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: under the bed
Posts: 4,814
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Quote:
...this is not the greatest art in the world...
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Gordon's alive!
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08-03-2007, 11:05 AM
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#11 |
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Late Istar
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 2,224
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I honestly don't see what's so bad about the Hildebrandts' "Wedding of Aragorn and Arwen". Though most of the rest of those are quite bad. The worst is undoubtedly the "exotic dancer" Luthien. And while I'm generally a fan of Nasmith and a defender of Bakshi's movie, Ulmo and Sam are certainly not their respective strong points.
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08-03-2007, 03:32 PM
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#12 | |
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Cryptic Aura
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 6,164
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Quote:
Some comments by davem and myself on Esty's other art thread, the good one, probably best belong on this thread: Some thoughts on what makes for bad Tolkien art, from post #31 on the Tolkien the Artist thread.
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I’ll sing his roots off. I’ll sing a wind up and blow leaf and branch away. Last edited by Bêthberry; 08-03-2007 at 03:36 PM. |
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08-04-2007, 01:13 AM
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#13 |
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Illustrious Ulair
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In the home of lost causes, and forsaken beliefs, and unpopular names,and impossible loyalties
Posts: 4,256
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The style I'm most uncomfortable with is the 'mighty thewed barbarian' - which I find borders on a fascistic, Ubermensch approach, & totally alien to Tolkien's creation. Conan always defeats the demons & monsters & attains victory through his physical strength & use of weapons. Turin, for example, is an inversion of the Ubermensch ideal. In fact Tolkien seems to be pointing up the stupidity & falsity of such an 'ideal' in the real world. The image of Hurin I linked to earlier is a classic example of everything Tolkien's work condemns.
I recall an interview with one of the editors at Harper Collins discussing Alan Lee's M-e work. She stated that she preferred Lee's work to that of other Tolkien artists, because too many depictions of Tolkien's characters had them looking directly at us, but she felt that that was wrong, & that the 'view' should be the other way - we should gaze into their world, they shouldn't look out into ours. I take her point. We're looking at a world long gone & he imagery should reflect that - those beings & places have long since passed from the world. The imagery shouldn't be 'dynamic', or make us feel the events are happening 'now'. 'For God's sake, let us sit upon the ground & tell sad stories of the death of Kings'. In Tolkien's tales we are looking back on things that happened before recorded history, & its essential that that mood is communicated by the artist - M-e is not another world in which events are happening 'now', but this world many, many ages past. That's why Baynes' & Juchimov's illustrations (& Eric Fraser's 'woodcut' style illustrations for the Folio Society Hobbit & LotR) work so well for me. (I think this is why I especially disliked the movie characters' regular lapses into contemporary idiom - nothing about M-e should feel 'modern': it should always feel 'old' & long past. Perhaps this is why dramatisation can't really work as well as reading or hearing the story......)
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“Everything was an object. If you killed a dwarf you could use it as a weapon – it was no different to other large heavy objects." Last edited by davem; 08-04-2007 at 02:46 AM. |
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08-15-2007, 09:12 AM
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Doubting Dwimmerlaik
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Heaven's basement
Posts: 2,499
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Remembered this thread, and looking "The Return of the King" CD audiobook box in my vehicle, I thought that I had a ringer and got ready to scan the cover. I was shocked to see that Rowena Morill's "The Last Steward" was already on the list.
What's up with the blonde women looking as if they'd rather be anywhere else (like the beach, the Mall, etc) than at a weird ceremony where surfer Adonis gives a scepter to King Aragorn?Boring! Even the soldier behind the King has better things to look at. But maybe he's just following his King's lead as the new King can't even look at the Apollo wannabee, and so isn't even holding his hand in the right place to receive the gift. Maybe the Steward is just too beautiful to be observed directly, like an anti-Medusa. Are any of these people in the same scene? You could see if you took a bunch of disparate images, cut them out and glued them to a page, resulting in a picture where everyone is looking somewhere else. But actually creating this image like this? It must be my lack of appreciation for the arts...
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There is naught that you can do, other than to resist, with hope or without it.
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08-16-2007, 04:02 PM
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#15 |
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Mighty Quill
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Walking off to look for America
Posts: 2,346
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Agh, I don't think that Luthien would wear a swimming suit. Since she was an elven princess or something to that nature that she would wear something sort of dressish.
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The Party Doesn't Start Until You're Dead.
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08-17-2007, 12:07 PM
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Blithe Spirit
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,876
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I´ve seen that belly-dancer Luthien pic before and it always made me laugh (in a dismayed sort of way). Beren the battle-worn soldier gets his R&R...the poor professor would have had a fit if he´d seen it.
Quote:
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Out went the candle, and we were left darkling |
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08-17-2007, 02:04 PM
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#17 |
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Mellifluous Maia
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: A glade open to the stars, deep in Nan Elmoth
Posts: 3,533
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Aragorn in the fish-story pic:
"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!" |
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08-17-2007, 05:51 PM
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#18 |
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Drummer in the Deep
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Next Sunday A.D.
Posts: 2,246
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Psst...I did post that one as a Crazy Caption a while back...
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But all the while I sit and think of times there were before
I listen for returning feet and voices at the door |
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08-17-2007, 08:05 PM
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#19 | |
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Mellifluous Maia
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: A glade open to the stars, deep in Nan Elmoth
Posts: 3,533
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Quote:
Last edited by Rikae; 08-17-2007 at 08:16 PM. |
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09-10-2007, 08:53 PM
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#20 |
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Animated Skeleton
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Racine, WI
Posts: 29
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Oh my goodness, yes, he looks like Inigo...
But his boots are far too big. |
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01-20-2008, 01:39 AM
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#21 |
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Shade of Carn Dûm
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 385
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It's horrible! Horrible! It makes me sick! *wheezing*
How could anyone create that? Terrible person.... |
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01-20-2008, 09:01 AM
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#22 |
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Relic of Wandering Days
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: You'll See Perpetual Change.
Posts: 1,488
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I have to wonder if the artists themselves are happy with what they have done, or if their intent has surpassed their skill. It is so much easier to criticise than create. That being said, I wish that artists whose style does not lend itself to such subjects, wouldn't feel compelled to attempt it!
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01-20-2008, 07:58 PM
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#23 |
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Wight
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Green Hill Country
Posts: 196
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The Might's Best Worst Illustration
For your consideration and comment per a request of me from The Might, an unused (for reasons which will become apparent even without the obvious error in the artwork) illustration for a Tolkien calendar (see attachment).
I appreciate davem's comments and find what is wrong with many of the bad (or worst) illustrations in them. It is easy to be critical of the illustrators (justly or not) when their concept of Middle-earth fails to match ours. The imagery conjured up in our minds' eyes by Tolkien's masterful prose can never be matched by an illustrator's ... no matter how good they are or how close they come to what we have seen we have become lost in the books. In spite of that, I have collected well over 200 Tolkien calendars and I very much enjoy the attempts the hundreds of artists have made. However, some are wrong (or, in the vernacular, "That just ain't right!") In "The Last Stewards", the prostitutes on the left, Aragorn's disinterest in the Sceptre of Numenor, and the inattentive rudeness of the apparently bored clowns on the left (what could possibly be more important to discuss at that moment??) "just ain't right!" Away from The Green Hill Country, Parmastahir
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Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise can not see all ends. |
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01-21-2008, 07:21 AM
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#24 |
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Guard of the Citadel
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxon
Posts: 2,287
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Thanks, Parmastahir!
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“The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.”
Delos B. McKown |
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01-21-2008, 01:40 PM
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#25 |
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Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: As with the flygja
Posts: 1,612
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I kind of get the vibe that the artist wanted to 'tie' in the Sauron/Melkor association with cats. I dunno, best guess of mine.
 Looking at that face though, I just want to go and hug my feline fluff of fur. I have to agree though, no one is practicularly going to have an illustration in the same light as Tolkien's, or maybe Alan Lee's (I say his name as well, because he has worked with the Tolkien family for some years now), so some takes on certain events might come off as strange to the rest of us. Then again, some are just too odd it is more puzzling than humourious. Personally, I don't think I could ever illustrate Sauron after the fall of Numenor, since Tolkien had his image in such a way that is familiar and very distinct, but particularly hard to encompass beyond the 'great eye' factor. Sometimes words can do the best in our minds for certain things, though it doesn't mean all things illustrated are a 'tainted image' of the original. Also because, it is quite interesting and fun to make Sauron as this suave and sly advisor, appealing to the wants and wishes of kings. ~ Ka
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Vinur, vinur skilur tú meg? Veitst tú ongan loyniveg? Hevur tú reikað líka sum eg, í endaleysu tokuni? |
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01-22-2008, 04:53 PM
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#26 | |
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Shade with a Blade
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: A Rainy Night In Soho
Posts: 2,613
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Lord have mercy! HAAAA!
Quote:
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Stories and songs. |
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10-04-2009, 01:07 PM
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#29 | |
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Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Between the past and the future
Posts: 1,166
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Quote:
But I know there are some other pics that were on the page that I can't recall enough about to summon the Magical Key Words with which to retrieve them. Ah, well--such is the fate of all things in this Middle-earth... 
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Got corsets? |
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10-04-2009, 03:23 PM
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#30 |
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Shade with a Blade
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: A Rainy Night In Soho
Posts: 2,613
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Gondor has no pants...Gondor needs no pants...
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Stories and songs. |
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10-04-2009, 04:26 PM
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#31 | ||
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Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: As with the flygja
Posts: 1,612
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Quote:
Quote:
~ "I'm sick of milking this giant, invisible... cow all the time." Ka
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Vinur, vinur skilur tú meg? Veitst tú ongan loyniveg? Hevur tú reikað líka sum eg, í endaleysu tokuni? |
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10-06-2009, 02:49 PM
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#32 |
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Ghost Prince of Cardolan
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Lonely Isle
Posts: 706
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'Tolkien inspired' art works and portrait of Sauron
Below is the link to an art gallery, stocked with well-known works alleged to have been inspired by Tolkien:
http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/gallery/gallery.htm. Also, you'll find attached an interesting portrait of Sauron. 
Last edited by Faramir Jones; 10-06-2009 at 02:53 PM. Reason: Left out something |
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10-09-2009, 11:39 AM
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#33 |
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Pilgrim Soul
Join Date: May 2004
Location: watching the wonga-wonga birds circle...
Posts: 9,916
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Wonderful link...just when I was convinced that there was no good Tolkien art (apart from the pictures by the man himself of course.. ).
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“But Finrod walks with Finarfin his father beneath the trees in Eldamar.”
Christopher Tolkien, Requiescat in pace |
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06-01-2011, 02:49 PM
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#34 |
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Blossom of Dwimordene
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,308
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 Treebeard. Reminds me more of a carrot than a tree. Edit: I see the image has been removed from the link I posted above... this is the same picture... let's hope it shows...
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You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera Last edited by Galadriel55; 06-13-2011 at 07:59 PM. |
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05-01-2013, 07:26 AM
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#35 |
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Woman of Secret Shadow
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: in hollow halls beneath the fells
Posts: 4,607
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He bit me, and I was not gentle. |
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05-02-2013, 05:39 AM
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#37 | |
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Blossom of Dwimordene
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 10,308
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Quote:
I totally agree that the amusement increases with the time!
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You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera |
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05-02-2013, 07:13 AM
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#38 |
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Woman of Secret Shadow
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: in hollow halls beneath the fells
Posts: 4,607
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Yes, and it's also a classical Lamentation of Christ composition, with hints of St. Sebastian.
I don't know my art history well enough to tell if it's based on any particular painting, but Aragorn as Virgin Mary is definitely one of the funniest things about it.
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He bit me, and I was not gentle. |
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05-02-2013, 09:08 AM
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#39 | |
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Wisest of the Noldor
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: ˙˙˙ssɐןƃ ƃuıʞooן ǝɥʇ ɥƃnoɹɥʇ
Posts: 6,701
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Quote:
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"Even Nerwen wasn't evil in the beginning." –Elmo. |
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05-02-2013, 11:44 AM
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#40 | |
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Woman of Secret Shadow
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: in hollow halls beneath the fells
Posts: 4,607
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Quote:
On the other hand, I've lately come across a lot of Tolkien art which is simply awful quality... but then again, that's always the case with fan art, and it would hardly be fair to share something on this thread only due to lack of artistic talent.
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He bit me, and I was not gentle. |
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