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Old 04-18-2019, 09:41 AM   #1
Urwen
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Silmarillion Parody

Here is the space of various Silmarillion parody scenes I can conjure up. Enjoy the silliness!


Silmarillion Parody, Scene 1
Mayhem in Mandos


[enter Feanor, clad in a toga, drink in hand]


FEANOR:
The Valar are cowards, spineless cowards who can't do anything right!


NAMO:
Says someone who was beaten by a Balrog, of all things!


FEANOR:
Need I remind you that Balrogs are dangerous spirits? It's not shameful to die at the hands of one. Just ask Olorin.


[Olorin pokes his head in]


OLORIN:
Yeah, it is true.


NAMO:
Whatever. Now I have to check on your sons before they cause undue trouble.


[Meanwhile, in another part of the Halls]


[all former Lords of Gondolin save one are brandishing their weapons]



EGALMOTH:
I am gonna enjoy this.


ROG:
We're all gonna enjoy this, my friend.


ECTHELION:
But who doesn't enjoy a good old target practice? Especially in these kinds of circumstances?


GLORFINDEL:
I'd say you became a bit of a sadist, old friend.


ECTHELION:
He broke your heart. Surely even someone as noble as you wants to get back at him for hurting you?


GLORFINDEL:
You're right. We all welcomed him as one of our own in spite of his heritage, and how did he repay us? By throwing his lot in with the most hated being in Beleriand....


ECTHELION:
I knew you'd see it my way, old friend. All we need to do now is wait for Pengolodh and Turgon to bring him here.


ROG:
And for Eol to provide the weapons.


[To be continued...]
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Tuor: Yeah, it was me who broke his arm. With a wrench. Specifically, this wrench.
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Old 04-18-2019, 10:09 AM   #2
Huinesoron
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Feanor-in-a-toga makes me imagine a Silmified Julius Caesar.

Friends, Noldor, Kinsfolk, lend me your [ambiguously-pointed] ears!
I come not to bury Finwe, but to praise him!
The evil done to him lives after him;
His good has been interred with his bones;
So let us bury Morgoth.


This looks like fun...!

hS
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Old 04-18-2019, 10:43 AM   #3
Urwen
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Do you like the second part?
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Old 04-18-2019, 12:15 PM   #4
Huinesoron
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It felt like there was a twist coming, or at any rate a second half, so I was withholding comment. But yeah, Ecthelion was always a bit cracked, given that he kills a Balrog by stabbing it with his head-spike. Who even has one of those?!

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Old 04-18-2019, 12:44 PM   #5
Urwen
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Considering the topics I've been obsessed with recently, I think you know what the twist is.
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Old 04-24-2019, 05:45 AM   #6
Urwen
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Silmaril

Announcer: Today, we have 'Not One of Us' by Lords of Gondolin on our repertoire.

[scene shifts to Lords of Gondolin, who are all holding various instruments]

Turgon:
[taps the mic]
Testing, testing....One, two, three!

Ecthelion:
Doom is upon us

Chorus:
Upon us

Ecthelion:
According to Namo

Chorus:
To Namo

Ecthelion:
Even though this is the case
We now know we should blame someone else

Chorus:
Someone else

[Ecthelion backs off. Turgon, Tuor and Idril take his place]

Turgon:
Born in grief

Ecthelion:
Raised to hate

Rog/Penlod/Egalmoth:
Helpless to resist his fate

Tuor/Idril:
Let him go, let him leave
But let's not forget he's the reason we grieve

Everyone:
Someone once betrayed us
He destroyed our faith in the world
Now we know this and our judgement is thus
Eol's son can never become one of us
He's not one of us now

Glorfindel:
Don't you think we were too hardcore with this?

Ecthelion:
Nah. Besides, Turgon gave us the green light to do this.

Tuor:
I have to say that that moment felt bloody amazing

Idril:
As the neutral observer, I have to agree with everything said, or sung.

Glorfindel:
To be fair, you weren't exactly a neutral observer. The whole thing started because of you.

Idril:
No. The whole thing started because of him. I was just the catalyst, nothing more.

Tuor:
[amused]
Look

[The disembodied fea of Meleth and Maeglin are seated nearby, whispering to one another]

Glorfindel:
They seem to be in love. Isn't that cute?

Idril:
It would be, if it weren't for the fact that my best friend is colluding with one of the Enemy's agents!

[starts to approach the duo at brisk pace]

Tuor:
Sorry, gotta run.
[follows his wife, hurriedly]

Glorfindel:
I better go too. Strength in numbers and all that.
[follows Tuor and Idril]

Ecthelion:
[sighs]
Why can't he just admit he is jealous....?

Egalmoth
[pats Ecthelion on the shoulder in silence]

Rog:
I am more incensed at the fact that, since we're already dead, I can't use my Hammer of Wrath to split the traitor's head open.


[To be continued]
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Tuor: Yeah, it was me who broke his arm. With a wrench. Specifically, this wrench.

Last edited by Urwen; 04-24-2019 at 03:53 PM.
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