The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum


Visit The *EVEN NEWER* Barrow-Downs Photo Page

Go Back   The Barrow-Downs Discussion Forum > Middle-Earth Discussions > The Movies
User Name
Password
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-07-2020, 05:53 PM   #1
Victariongreyjoy
Haunting Spirit
 
Victariongreyjoy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 81
Victariongreyjoy has just left Hobbiton.
Will Jackson insert Thranduil and Tauriel in future LOTR editions?

You know, insert them in the final battle of the Black Gate just for fun
Victariongreyjoy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2020, 07:34 AM   #2
William Cloud Hicklin
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
William Cloud Hicklin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,984
William Cloud Hicklin is a guest at the Prancing Pony.William Cloud Hicklin is a guest at the Prancing Pony.
Why not? Given that Jackson is even more crass and tasteless than George Lucas, I could totally envision him doing it.

(In real life, of course, the Elves of Mirkwood were fighting for their lives against assault from Dol Guldur)
__________________
“It is good to be both loved and feared; but if one cannot be both, it is better to be feared than loved" --Machiavelli
William Cloud Hicklin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2020, 03:12 PM   #3
Inziladun
Gruesome Spectre
 
Inziladun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Heaven's doorstep
Posts: 7,864
Inziladun is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Inziladun is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Inziladun is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Inziladun is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Inziladun is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.
Quote:
Originally Posted by William Cloud Hicklin View Post
Why not? Given that Jackson is even more crass and tasteless than George Lucas, I could totally envision him doing it.
Man, that stings! Can I start a thread on who LOTR's Jar Jar is?
__________________
Music alone proves the existence of God.
Inziladun is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2020, 12:30 PM   #4
Huinesoron
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
Huinesoron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: The north-west of the Old World, east of the Sea
Posts: 2,666
Huinesoron is a guest at the Prancing Pony.Huinesoron is a guest at the Prancing Pony.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Victariongreyjoy
You know, insert them in the final battle of the Black Gate just for fun.
And then, in accordance with the Gospel of Lucas, insist he wanted them there all along, but the technology didn't exist for giant mooses... meese?

There'll also be a scene in Rivendell where Gimli discusses every single member of Thorin's company with Bilbo. It'll take 25 minutes.

And they'll digitally replace Old Gloin with Hobbit Gloin.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Inziladun View Post
Man, that stings! Can I start a thread on who LOTR's Jar Jar is?
Wormtongue 2.0 from The Hobbit, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Appendices? Did he even have a name...?

hS
Huinesoron is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2020, 05:30 PM   #5
Mithadan
Spirit of Mist
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Tol Eressea
Posts: 2,981
Mithadan has been trapped in the Barrow!
Grima.
__________________
Beleriand, Beleriand,
the borders of the Elven-land.
Mithadan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2020, 08:51 PM   #6
mhagain
Wight
 
mhagain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: The best seat in the Golden Perch
Posts: 191
mhagain has just left Hobbiton.
Because what the world really needs, at this crucial pivotal moment when fate hangs in the balance, is a 40 minute pie fight and some platform game moves. Because we wouldn't do anything that wasn't true to Tolkien, oh no.
__________________
they have made a new condition, rule your life with indecision,
never bite the hand that feeds you, sit and wait while he deceives you.
mhagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-29-2020, 12:12 AM   #7
Michael Murry
Animated Skeleton
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 49
Michael Murry has just left Hobbiton.
Available for Future Sexploitation

I haven't commented here at the Downs for several years now, mostly because I thought the knowledgable Tolkien community had thoroughly disposed of the Peter Jackson Killer Elf-Chick Love Interest (Release 1: "Itaril"; Release 2: "Tauriel") in the three bloated-with-Hollywood-cheese "Hobbit" films. For my part, I sat through each film precisely once years ago and would never waste a minute of my time doing so again. Still, when I thought of dropping by the site to collect my admittedly misogynist, misanthropic, scatological verse compositions lampooning the ridiculous Killer Elf Chick character -- in both of her successive incarnations -- I discovered this thread still mentioning the names Thranduil and "Tauriel" in connection with Peter Jackson and future LOTR editions. Has anyone actually proposed such a dreadful possibility?

Anyway, I can't envision what anyone could possibly do with these two "character concepts" in an LOTR context, but I suppose one would first have to deal with where we find them at the end of The Hobbit. I've previously written some verse on this subject (somewhere back in 2016)"Unrequited Elf/Dwarf Libido," but just on the spur of the moment, how about a terza rima sonnet:

Available for Future Sexploitation

King Thranduil of Murkwood Forrest faced
A grim dilemma: What to do with her:
The Elf-chick “captain” of his “guard” disgraced

By conduct which of rights ought to incur
Dismissal for desertion, at the least,
Or plaything object of droit du seigneur.

Since she had not performed the two-backed beast
With either Young Elf Lord or dwarf, why not?
Her value, otherwise, had truly ceased

Except as a digression from the plot
Whose end requires a resolution deft
As it grows near and reeks of fan-fic rot.

We leave her with her just deserts, bereft:
The dwarf died and the Young Elf Lord just left.
__________________
"If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." -- Tweedledee

Last edited by Michael Murry; 10-29-2020 at 06:07 PM. Reason: Needed to change "Which now" to "Whose end" at beginning of line
Michael Murry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-29-2020, 07:17 AM   #8
Morthoron
Curmudgeonly Wordwraith
 
Morthoron's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Ensconced in curmudgeonly pursuits
Posts: 2,410
Morthoron is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Morthoron is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Morthoron is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Morthoron is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Samwise asked Gandalf if orc-chicks were hot,
The wizard raised an eyebrow and replied, "I think not."
__________________
And your little sister's immaculate virginity wings away on the bony shoulders of a young horse named George who stole surreptitiously into her geography revision.
Morthoron is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-29-2020, 06:03 PM   #9
Michael Murry
Animated Skeleton
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 49
Michael Murry has just left Hobbiton.
There and Here and There Again

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morthoron View Post
Samwise asked Gandalf if orc-chicks were hot,
The wizard raised an eyebrow and replied, "I think not."
Thanks for the couplet. Incisive, as well as inspirational. This takes us into the LOTR "future." But how to get there from here in the past at Hobbit's end? A "romantic" possibility:

There and Here and There Again

Samwise had the hots for Rosie Cotton
But orc-chicks, in a pinch, might just come through,
Especially since Gandalf had Shanghaied him
To spend a year out on the road with few,
If any, opportunities for spawning
While watching Frodo stroke his ring: a clue
To why his master never seemed to notice
A thing both female and one half of two
Which qualities -- for Samwise like all sailors
In port for just a day -- would have to do.

But this takes us somewhat beyond our story:
The Hobbit movies' end left strings untied
With Thranduil and Tauriel uncertain
About what their relationship implied.
King Thranduil's son Legolas had vanished
To search out one man with a lengthy stride
(At that time ten years old in Elrond's keeping,
Which Thranduil did not disclose. He lied?)
So Legolas must search in vain for decades
Till Aragorn and he somehow collide.

Which leaves the killer Elf-chick and her problem:
If no Young Elf Lord or hung dwarf remains,
The "Lovely Triad" has two missing angles.
Supplying them presents a pair of pains.
But undismayed, our writers of pre-sequels
Concoct a plan, though not one rife with brains.
Just send her to the future where Sam Gamgee
And Smeagol/Gollum meet on Mordor's plains.
There Tauriel "relieves" both horny Hobbits.
Ménage à trois restored: no stress, no strains.

-- Michael Murry, The Misfortune Teller (2020)
__________________
"If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." -- Tweedledee

Last edited by Michael Murry; 10-31-2020 at 03:13 AM. Reason: changed "hide" to "collide" as semantically more suitable
Michael Murry is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:48 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.