LotR2-TTT-Seq24

[alatar]

O thus be it ever when free-men shall stand
Between their lov'd home and the war's desolation;
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the heav'n-rescued land
Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserv'd us a nation! - Defense of Fort M'Henry by Francis Scott Key

The hundred million remaining Uruks flee Helm’s Deep. Seems that the White Rider, Éomer’s crew and Théoden’s charge were just too much for them, and so they run as if the very whips of a Balrog followed. Éomer (I think that it’s him) shouts to the cavalry that they are to stay out of the forest, away from the trees. A freeze-frame has Karl Urban making a googly-face at the sheep of Fangorn. There is not much said about how the trees got there, and why they did not come up into the valley is anyone’s guess.

Think that the Massive program may have went a little too far with the CG Uruk army generation. As with many video games, the dead phase out and so don’t clutter up the landscape, and the bad guys always seem to spawn faster that you can acquire ammo. Think that this may explain why we see so many orcs running for the forest (you can count them) and why there are so few dead around.

Why do the Uruks run into the forest? Obviously, to get to the other side…but why not regroup just inside where the horseboys would be less effective? They must be really spooked, or it’s quitting time, or Saruman has one of those whistles that only Uruks and Wargs can hear. “Guys, it’s time to come home!”

He could use a little help about now. “Bring mops…lots of mops.”

The Huorns take their revenge on the treeslayers. We see the trees gyrate and squeal, and can imagine what is happening to the orcs. None of the Uruks escape. Did you notice that the shadows in front of the trees move, seemingly in response to all of the activity inside the mobile Fangorn forest? Note that the front line of trees does not move, yet the shadows do. Must be a Huorn thing, as they are known to bend light, or all of the shorter trees get to stay on the perimeter.

Aragorn greets Éowyn, and I can only think that he is messing with her head, or has little intention of keeping a candle burning for Arwen, who has by this time sailed West. Poor girl.

The Helmingas despoil the dead. Legolas meets up with Gimli, and they state their final count in their macabre game. Note that Legolas still has arrows in his quiver. Legolas manages a mere 42 kills, which is hard to believe when you see it. Did he only get 1 for the big ladder that he shot down? In the books I thought, well, forty two is a lot, but here, it would be hard to sneeze and not add an Uruk or two to the count. Gimli sits upon his last, number 43. We assume that he made it down from the citadel, where he blew the horns, to below the wall and managed a mere 43.

And he sits upon a dead body.

The scene gets worse. Legolas cannot leave the game at a loss, and so sends an arrow into Gimli’s seat, claiming that the Uruk was yet among the living. Note the placement of the arrow, as a headshot would have been more lethal than one to the spleen. And isn’t it nice to know that the arrow went right through that tough Uruk armor?

Gimli states that the Uruk is dead, and that any twitching is due to the worst line in the entire movie (at least in my opinion). Thus states the Dwarf, “He was twitching…because he’s got my ax embedded in his nervous system!”

Gimli uses the words “embedded” and "nervous system,” which to me are completely out of character. The words nervous system are not spoken in Middle Earth, and immediately draw me away from this beautiful fantasy world. Also, having read Tolkien’s works once or twice , I know that this is not how the master wordsmith would state the same idea behind the words in LotR. I would nominate these words for the prestigious “She-Elf Worst Statements of Middle Earth” award (not to be confused with the “She-Elf Worst Statements to a Character That Should not Have Even Been in the Scene and Who Usurped the Role of the Ringbearer” award”).

Assuming that we keep the scene, I would have Gimli say, in the same tone, “He was twitching…because he’s still got my ax in his head!” I leave it to you to come up with better wording.

Why did PJ et al have those words in the movie? Anyway…

Pippin and Merry go wading at the new Loch Isengard. They see the uncomfortable Saruman, who has yet to conjure one fireball (those things take time, ya know). Worm, his new roommate, looks ill at ease as well. Note that the Ents have a clear shot at the Tree Killer and Vice Tree Killer, yet do not seek revenge against the orcs’ leaders. Merry and Pippin get right back into their comedy routine, and Merry establishes that he is again the taller.

If only wit were important to these two.

Being Hobbits, they are hungry and look for food amongst the flotsam and jetsam. Pippin immediately finds a floating apple, and, like in FotR, I still think that there’s some subliminal message here. Why always apples? I can only think of Adam and Eve.

Oddly, after finding the apple Pip looks skyward, like when he was hit in the head by Strider with one of the same fruits as they walked from Bree. Is Melkor the lord of apples perhaps? The two turn their backs on the wizard closeted in Orthanc to find a trail of apples that lead them to even greater treasures of the culinary kind. An entire basket of Eve’s bane leads them into a storeroom that houses the greatest treasure of Middle Earth treasures – pipeweed!

The two ravenous Hobbits forego their hunger for a pipe. Silly Pippin asks if they should share with Treebeard, and Merry reasons that that wouldn’t be necessary or prudent. They light up while mocking Treebeard, making the Ent appear yet again the fool. Treebeard checks on his two wards like a parent, and sniffs at the smoke wafting out the doorway. The scene ends with him being perplexed at the sound of their laughter.

Think that I said this last week, but next week we really really wrap up the second part of Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Ring’s trilogy.

[Elladan and Elrohir]

The Legolas/Gimli scene is pretty bad, but it would be tolerable were it not for the atrocious "nervous system" line.

I'm not really sure why they continue the Pippin-apple joke from FOTR here. You'll notice that Pippin doesn't just look up, he tilts his head in exactly the same position, with exactly the same expression, that he had in FOTR. No, Pippin, Strider did not magically show up in Isengard to renew his apple-pelting.