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Old 09-03-2011, 08:01 PM   #1
the phantom
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Eye Phantom: The Thread (The Most Important Thread EVER)

I'm sure the majority of you are familiar with Chuck Norris Facts, but in case you're not, here are a couple of examples.
Fact: Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
Fact: Ghosts like to sit around campfires and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Fact: Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Fact: Chuck Norris once kicked a man in the soul.

As great as Chuck Norris is, all Downers know that he pales in comparison to The Phantom. So- logically there ought to be a place where people can post various Downs/Tolkien-related Phantom Phacts and testimonies to Phantom's greatness.

So, let's get things kicked off here-
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Old 09-03-2011, 08:04 PM   #2
the phantom
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Eye

Phact: Phantom once put on the One Ring... IT turned invisible.
Phact: Phantom knows where the Entwives are.
Phact: One time in a Werewolf game, Phantom fake revealed as the Hunter so convincingly that even the real Hunter believed him.
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Old 09-03-2011, 08:44 PM   #3
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Phact: All the people inside phantom have their own FBI phile.
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Old 09-03-2011, 09:27 PM   #4
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Phact: Wherever three or more Downers are, the phantom is there also.

Phact: When the phantom looks into the mirror of Galadriel, he sees only himself.

Phact: When Mandos pronounced a doom upon the phantom that he didn't like, the phantom turned a cold shoulder. That shoulder is the Helcaraxe.

Phact: Gollum thought the time had come to ask something hard and horrible. This is what he said:

This thing all things devours
Birds, beasts, trees, flowers
Gnaws iron, bites steel
Grinds hard stones to meal
Slays king, ruins town
And beats high mountains down

Unfortunately for Gollum Bilbo had heard that sort of thing before; and the answer was all around him any way. "the phantom!" he said without even scratching his head or putting on his thinking cap.

Phact: the phantom can carry it for you.

Phact: the phantom can simply walk into Mordor.

Phact: the phantom never, ever drops eaves.

Phact: the phantom really, really likes it when people talk about him.
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Old 09-03-2011, 09:13 PM   #5
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Phact: The sight of phantom caused Butterbur to literally melt

Phact: the phantom convinced Elrond and Gandalf their plan to send a hobbit blindly into Mordor was stupid when all they had to do was give him the ring and he could unmake it. Thus, the One Ring was unmade by the phantom. The story titled "Lord of the Rings" is a load of lies made up by a jealous hobbit.
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Old 09-03-2011, 09:28 PM   #6
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Phact: Phantom the neapolitan was the true head of the Istari.
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Old 09-03-2011, 09:37 PM   #7
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Phact: When phantom is beside him, Manwë can predict the outcome of fantasy sports.
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Old 09-03-2011, 10:16 PM   #8
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Phact: 87% of Downers have the phantom's profile as their homepage. The other 13% haven't visited the forum since 12-31-1969.

Phact: the phantom never uncloaks, because he doesn't want half of North America to go blind.

Phact: the phantom puts the 'Zoom' in Mount Zoom.

Phact: The Merisuwyniel smilie () really hopes the phantom will notice her.

Phact: the phantom once visited the Caves of Aglarond and decided they needed more zazz. So he zazzed them.

Phact: Eowyn and Merry were just plain lucky in ending the witch king. Glorfindel's original prophecy was

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glorfy
Do not pursue him! He will not return to these lands. Far off yet is his doom, and only by the hand of the phantom shall he fall
Phact: The reason Aragorn had an evil memory of his first visit to Moria was that he went on a dare from the phantom, who then kept jumping out from behind rocks yelling "BOOGABOOGA!" at him.

Phact: The wane of Gondor can be traced back to the exact moment that Atanatar he Glorious proclaimed "Gondor has no phantom. Gondor needs no phantom".

Phact: The only reason that Meneltarma survived the fall of Numenor was because the phantom was chillaxin' there.

Phact: the phantom followed the lights and lit a little candle of his own, but suffered no ill effects.

Phact: Everyone thinks that "Precious" is Gollum's pet name for the Ring. It isn't. Know why? Because it's Gollum's pet name for the phantom.

Phact: The Snowmen of Forochel are always a bit depressed, because they know they can never be quite as cool as the phantom.

Phact: Tilion chases Vasa because he thinks the phantom is driving it.

Phact: The reason that Luthien and Arwen were said to be so alike was...well, let's just say that Thingol and Elrond weren't the most attentive of husbands.
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Old 09-04-2011, 09:46 AM   #9
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Phact: The Phantom doesn't have to wait 30 seconds between posts.
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Old 09-04-2011, 09:59 AM   #10
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Phact: The Phantom went back in time and made the internet, then came back and told the Barrow-Wight to create the Barrow-Downs. The BW said, "What the heck is a Barrow-Down?" So the Phantom went farther back in time and made Tolkien put the Barrows-Downs into The Lord of the Rings. He did this while in utero. (It is also possible that the Phantom IS the internet.)

Phact: That's not his avatar. That's his photograph.

Phact: Tom Bombadil may be the Master, but the Phantom is Tom Bombadil's Master.
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Old 09-16-2011, 03:58 PM   #11
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Phalsehood: Of the phate of Ungoliant no tale tells. Yet some have said that she ended long ago, when in her uttermost phamine she devoured herselph at last.

Phact: Of the phate of Ungoliant no tale tells. Yet some have said that she ended long ago, when in her uttermost phamine she tried to eat the phantom. It didn't end well.
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Old 09-20-2011, 10:39 AM   #12
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Phact: the phantom does not decide who is right, only who is left.

Phact: the phantom transcends all conventional ideas of positive or negative morality, believing all things, ideas and actions to be only "the phantom" and "not the phantom".

Phact: the phantom law states that "all things except the phantom being not the phantom left themselves tend only toward not the phantom".

Phact: Saying "phantom" a bunch of times sounds really silly.

Phact: Rumor has it that the phantom has a new cologne coming out. It'll be called "phantsy pants".

Phact: the phantom is officially part of the legendarium.
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Old 09-21-2011, 12:30 PM   #13
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phact: Gandalf's boots were too small for the phantom.

phact: The only one who can ban the phantom from the Barrow-downs website, is the phantom.

phact: Saruman broke the white light, phantom broke it twice.

phact: The reason the phantom has never been lynched in werewolf, is because it's against the very laws of nature. If the phantom ever were lynched, the world would cease to exist. Many civilizations have debated on when exactly this Doomsday would come, but they all agree the day the phantom is lynched will be the day the world ends.

phact: The phantom, knowing the above is phact, self-learned the power of Osanwe. Anyone who thinks of casting a "++the phantom" suddenly hears a voice telling them "No you fool! Not the phantom! Vote for *insert name*." No one can refuse a command from the Voice.

phact: Galadriel and Gandalf learned the power of Osanwe from the phantom.

phact: Melkor is "He who rises in Might," the phantom is "He who rises even Mightier."
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Old 09-21-2011, 03:34 PM   #14
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phact: Saruman broke the white light, phantom broke it twice.
Phact: he also broke the wight light.
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Old 09-04-2011, 05:38 PM   #15
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Phact: You may not be able to edit a WW post after the fact, but Phantom can edit the post before you've even made it.

Phact: The only reason why we're not sure whether balrogs have wings is because Phantom did such a good job of ripping them off.

Phact: When making the Rings movies, the film makers approached Phantom for styling tips, hoping to model Legolas after a paragon of phashion and charm. Phantom sent them pictures of his mother as a joke, but the studio didn't understand and used them anyway.

Phact: Phantom makes the best meat dishes. Why? Did he steal Sauron's spice rack full of secret herbs and spices? Of course not! He hired Melkor to do it for him.

Phact: Phantom's standard signature ("The Phantom has posted. This thread is now important.") is, in fact, a lie. His posts don't make a thread important. His posts are the only reason new threads exist.

Phact: Feanor was Phantom in disguise. His death was faked because Phantom wanted to go back home and watch football.

Phact: J.R.R. really stands for "Joking! Read Reverse." If you read Rings backward and use the proper cipher, the books are actually a testament to the greatness of Phantom. (The estate, naturally, denies any such allegations, mostly because they've read the decoded books and realize that messing with Phantom would be a bad idea.)
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Old 09-04-2011, 08:11 PM   #16
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Phact: The forum AI dreams of phantom.

Phact: Phantom once played every role in a WW game while simultaneously modding, and still won.

Phact: When phantom went to Tirion and announced he was hungry, the hill of Túna became a hill of tuna.
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Old 09-04-2011, 09:30 PM   #17
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Phact: The Phantom once spit in a lake in the Misty Mts. That lake became known as Mirrormere.

Phact: Phantom can get fish from the forbidden pool whenever he feels like it.

Phact: When he was young, Sean Bean foolishly bet Phantom that he couldn't eat an entire herd of goats. Of course he lost the bet, and his punishment- from that day forward he was required to accept any movie role he was offered in which his character dies.

Phact: In Werewolf, Phantom once posted "++Bad Guys" and gave a vote to all the Wolves and Cobblers in the village.
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Old 09-05-2011, 12:20 AM   #18
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Phact: The cake is a phantom.
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Old 09-05-2011, 12:25 AM   #19
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Phact: Chuck Norris is the Phantom's son. Sean Bean was the mother. So was Bruce Lee. (The mother, I mean.)
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Old 09-05-2011, 01:46 AM   #20
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Phact: The only mistake the phantom has ever made was accidentally sneezing on Lalaith.

Phact: the phantom wrote the "not allowed" list for the bounders.

Phact: The strong wine of Dorwinion was not meant for the tables of the Elvenking, it was meant for the phantom.

Phact: Aragorn and Legolas went now with Eomer in the van...which was driven by the phantom.

Phact: the phantom gave a personal reference and convinced Saruman the White to hire a random Rohanian underling named Grima.

Phact: The Uruk-hai and the Olog-hai share a common ancestor. Named the phantom. It was indeed, a black evil.

Phact: Whatcha doing after work? Yeah? Sounds fun. the phantom has done it twice already today.

Phact: One of the phantom's courtiers was mumbling about the evil king of Angmar one day, prompting the phantom to ask "Which king?". The name stuck.
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Old 09-05-2011, 05:03 AM   #21
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Phact: Das phantom ist die wurst aller würste.
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Old 09-05-2011, 08:24 AM   #22
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Phact: the phantom solved the Canonicity thread.

Phact: the phantom doesn't write Tolkien fan fiction. Tolkien wrote phantom fan fiction.

Phact: The Music of the Ainur was, in phact, the phantom singing in the shower.
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Old 09-06-2011, 05:26 PM   #23
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Phact: Go not to the elves for council, for they will say "Go ask the phantom."
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Old 09-06-2011, 05:30 PM   #24
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Old 09-08-2011, 11:45 PM   #25
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Phact: Sauron called himself the Lord of Gifts because the phantom once graced him with his presence.
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Old 09-09-2011, 12:52 AM   #26
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Phact: Sauron came to regret claiming to be the "master of shadows and of phantoms", though.
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Old 09-10-2011, 05:30 PM   #27
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Phact: When the phantom first joined The Barrow Downs, he started his own "Hello" introductory thread. The Barrow-Wight stickied it.

Phact: The last thread the phantom will make will be titled "the phantom Would Like To Announce His Engagement". It will be his last because once he undergoes the complicated and illegal surgical procedure required to marry oneself, he will be far, far too busy in real life to bother with his online one.
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Old 09-12-2011, 12:25 PM   #28
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Phact: When the phantom looks in the mirror of Erised, he sees only himself. So does everyone else, but they lie about it.

Phact: Sauron revealed then to Gorlim that Eilinel was long dead, and that what he had thought was his wife was the phantom intending to trick him.

Phact: the phantom regularly tosses dwarves.

Phact: Orlando Bloom based his shield and oliphaunt surfing moves on the phantom, who will often slide around on his kitchen floor in his socks.

Phact: the phantom does not sleep. He waits.

Phact: the phantom's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No-one fools the phantom.

Shadowphax: There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse because the phantom is going to walk.

Phaxe: the phantom knows how much a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Phact: the phantom doesn't read books. He just stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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Old 09-12-2011, 03:17 PM   #29
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Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.
Phact: our forum will soon undergo a new improvement: the Phantom SunPhorum will be open soon. This thread will be stickied there.
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Old 10-13-2011, 10:36 PM   #30
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Phact: the phandom of the phantom is mainly populated by insane phangirls writing the phantom/The Phantom phanphics, genderbended Phantom and Alien comics, and phar, phar too much rule 34. It's disgusting, but the phantom loves it.

Phact: "Chuck Norris? Isn't he dead? Yeah, the phantom killed him." ~Oliphaunts_Rule

Phact: Chuck Norris's real name is Carlos. the phantom's garbage disposal is also named Carlos. Coincidence?

Phact: When the phantom plays chess, all of his pieces are queens.

Phact: When the phantom plays checkers, all of his pieces are queens.

Phact: the phantom will refill the cup of Galadriel when she finishes her drink. Everyone else has to fill their own.

Phact: Galadriel has only asked for the phantom to refill her glass once. She ended up giving the result to Frodo Baggins of the Shire.

Phact: the phantom owns a little boat that can bear someone ever back across so wide a sea. I hear he's willing to sell it for a song.

Phact: the phantom is the true Lord of the Ring. He's also Lord of everything else, so he doesn't mind if Sauron borrows the title for a little while.

Phact: Every time the phantom walks into a building, the sprinklers go off.

Phact: The Hobbit's love for mushrooms is in honor of the phantom. Because he's known everywhere as being a fungi.

Phact: The Entwives have long since fled Middle-earth. Why? Because the phantom ran through their crops screaming "Run, forest, run!!"

Phact: Dwarves are constantly working hard to try to please the phantom, but they always come up short.

Phact: Due to genetics, the phantom is at a high risk for spontaneous combustion. He does not fear, nor should you, that this will elven happen.
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Old 10-14-2011, 02:03 PM   #31
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Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oddwen View Post
Phact: the phantom will refill the cup of Galadriel when she finishes her drink. Everyone else has to fill their own.
Phact: Galadriel always refills The Phantom's cup.
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Old 11-03-2011, 03:29 PM   #32
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Phact: Hobbits used to live above ground, but when they heard that the phantom had an underground lair, they started digging holes.

Phact: Roads go ever on and on... and they all lead to the phantom's house.

Phact: "Phantom" would have been an acceptable answer to all of Bilbo and Gollum's riddles.

Phact: Faramir once said: "I love not the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. That's what I love the phantom for."
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Old 11-23-2011, 05:43 PM   #33
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Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.Galadriel55 is wading through snowdrifts on Redhorn.
I'm not sure if this has been said before...

...but either way, good phacts are worth repeating.

Phact: the phantom said, "Let there be light!" And there was light. It was the light of his brilliance.
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Old 11-23-2011, 08:50 PM   #34
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Phact: the only reason Eru allowed the creation of Dwarves is because the phantom took a liking to them.

Phact: you know that the Ring's temptations are all lies because it always says "with me you will be better than the phantom".
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Old 12-18-2011, 05:37 PM   #35
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Phact: He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.

Phact: the phantom has a list, but he only needs to check it once.

Phact: Once night in December, the phantom goes to every house giving gifts to all the good Werewolf players. The bad players get all of their socks stuffed with charcoal and nailed to the wall.

Phact: Watchers of the movie "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" may not remember a key scene where the phantom sings a jolly song and convinces the reindeer that he is reviled not because of his glowing nose, but because of the strange spelling of his name. The song and resulting scene where Rudolph (né Rudolf) and Hermie visit the North Pole Notary for a legal name change were in the original televised broadcast, but have since been lost.

In a somewhat related Phact: the phantom has tried to suppress the fame and popularity of Frosty the Snowman to little avail.

Phact: the phantom wrote the song "Jingle Bell Rock" to be the worst song ever. His success has been unparalleled in the music industry since. The song's power for evil is so great that it can only be played for a few months during the year, else the entire universe would explode.
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Old 09-06-2012, 05:23 AM   #36
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Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by infoleather View Post
The amount of hot air can provide huge head in phantom calories per Charles Hobbit house, in the next decade.
Precisely.
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Old 09-06-2012, 06:21 AM   #37
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Now that is a Phantom Phact- a posting without equal on this thread!

(Though Info's post here is probably his best work.)
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Old 09-06-2012, 06:37 AM   #38
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Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.Nerwen is a guest of Galadriel in Lothlórien.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by the phantom View Post
Now that is a Phantom Phact- a posting without equal on this thread!

(Though Info's post here is probably his best work.)
Indeed– pure poetry!
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Old 11-19-2011, 11:47 AM   #39
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Galadriel has just left Hobbiton.
Phact: If Phantom had stolen the Silmarils, Fëanor would not have gone after them
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Old 11-19-2011, 01:02 PM   #40
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Silmaril

Quote:
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Phact: If Phantom had stolen the Silmarils, Fëanor would not have gone after them


Phact: Pheanor died, but gave the Silmarili to the Phantom.
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