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Old 10-26-2020, 01:30 PM   #337
Huinesoron
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: The north-west of the Old World, east of the Sea
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
An obligatory post-exam party: Progress 2
It all sounds great! (I completely missed this until today, when I thought 'huh, I wonder if I missed anything'... )

Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
Speaking of that line, how strongly do you feel about "when she came"? I feel like it's more the mention of death rather than its coming, which technically doesn't happen until later - unless it's the coming of mortality in the form of Beren. What is your take on it? Do you think something like "The breath of her name made the leaves turn brown"? Or just "From her breath the [insert something here] leaves turned brown"?
Not strongly at all. I parsed it as relating back to "I banished her", but given that Luthien doesn't actually have a showdown with Death in her past... I like 'the breath of her name', actually, which ties into Amarie - "When I speak your name the whole wood sings".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
Also, how strongly do you feel about sticking to the original for "what is loyalty"? When I sing that part in Russian, I keep subconsciously changing vernost (loyalty) to nezhnost (tenderness). "Loyalty" just doesn't sit right. Not only is it a really odd question for Beren, who knows more about loyalty than Luthien does, but the answer of a nightingale's song is not even a good illustration or metaphor for it. The one thing going for loyalty is that is sort of echoes "tell the truth, O Loyalty, tell" - except that in this context the parallel isn't that strong, Meeting is more about internal concept building within the song. What do you say to picking out a better question?
I mean... you're not wrong. I'm not positive how it scans, but how about "What are 'peace' and 'rest'?" That's what Beren has never had, and what the nightingale evokes; and also a direct counter to 'battle and war' out of Luthien.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
ETA: as I'm copying the second half of the lyrics onto my music sheet, one more minor suggestion. "Then you weren't waiting for me" --> "were not"?
Sure; I think that's going to come down to the singer's pronunciation anyway.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
(Also, noticed while singing: "You lay in a grassy pool" - did it used to be "You fell into grassy pools" at one point, or did I make that up?)
I don't think it did... I actually want 'in a pool of grass' - ie, she found him lying in a field of green, and because of how pale his face was thought for a moment he was snow on the ground. But it looks like I was rhyming 'pool' and 'woods'... is that in the original?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Galadriel55 View Post
ETA#2: Couldn't resist a one-man-sing-all version, after today's progress. Lesson learned: if you want to sing both Beren and Luthien simultaneously, first you need to grow a set of auxiliary lungs. ^.^
Aha! This lets me hack it apart and piece together an actual duet down to "What is agony", and then put the animation to it. Behold!:

Meeting in Neldoreth (part 1)

I think the clouds will slowly gather over the course of Luthien's questioning, then clear for good during Beren's. We'll see.

I also have a half-finished image from the prologue, which has come out looking quite interestingly stylised: the Oath of Feanor (including an actual glimpse of Feanor):



Details and shading to be added, and background elements blurred slightly, but the 'cardboard cutout' version intrigued me.

hS
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