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Old 10-08-2017, 09:45 PM   #31
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 121
gandalf85 has just left Hobbiton.
I have looked through the latest draft sent to me by Arcus and read through the comments in this thread. You guys have already come to a consensus on this, but I think the section on the weaponry of the Valar and their riding to war is too awesome not to include. I also agree with Findegil that in telling the story of the war to the Elves, the Valar would frame it in a way that Elves could understand. In Letters #212: "But the 'habitual' shapes of the Valar, when visible or clothed, were anthropomorphic, because of their intense concern with Elves and Men." A few comments:

And in that dark time Melkor bred many other monsters of divers shapes and kinds that long troubled the world; and his realm spread now ever southward over the Middle-earth.
Small spelling mistake: "divers" should be "diverse".

But the {Orks} Orcs, mockeries and perversions of the Children of Eru, did not appear until after the Awakening of the Elves.> {His realm spread now ever southward over the Middle-earth.} CE-EX-02 <AAm But {these}[the Balrogs] came not yet from the gates of Utumno, because of the watchfulness of Orom.
Using "But" to start two sentences in a row is awkward. I propose "And" to start the second sentence.

Then Varda took the silver dews from the vats of Telperion, and therewith she made new stars and brighter against the coming of the Firstborn.
According to this passage, Varda makes "new stars". So stars already exist? Earlier we use the idea that Eru himself gives Varda the light with which to make the stars, but here we say she makes stars from the vats of Telperion. Is it just the new stars which are made from Telperion?

But three Elves awoke first of all, and they were elf-men, for elf-men are more strong in body and far more eager and adventurous in strange places.
Is this saying that elf-men are more strong in body compared to elf-women? This seems to directly contradict "Laws and Customs": "In all such things, not concerned with the bringing forth of children, the neri and nissi (that is, the men and women) of the Eldar are equal". "Quendi and Eldar" was written between 1959-1960 but looking through Morgoth's Ring I couldn't find a definite time for when "Laws and Customs" was written so I don't know which was more recent.

It is not sinful when not willed, and when the creature does his best (even if it is not what should be done) as he sees it - with the conscious intent of serving Eru.)]: he {has}had become engrossed (partly out of sheer fear of Melkor, partly out of desire to control him) in amendment, healing, re-ordering - even 'keeping the status quo'
If Tolkien himself said what is in the bold section, then I don't propose we remove it, but I would like to discuss it. This seems out of character for Manwe. In the previous section it talks about how Melkor has been greatly weakened as a person and couldn't shield himself. But here Manwe is afraid of him? And he desired to control Melkor? That seems completely out of character. It seems more likely (from my understanding of the character) that Manwe truly believed the repentance of Melkor (or that he desperately wants to believe in the repentance of Melkor).

<AAm But the kindreds of Morw and Nurw were unwilling and refused the summons, preferring the starlight and the wide spaces of the Earth to the rumor of the Trees.
Do we introduce Morwe and Nurwe before this point?

Overall, this is an excellent chapter. The number of different sources you guys culled from to create a coherent narrative is really impressive.
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