View Single Post
Old 05-06-2021, 08:00 PM   #9
Blossom of Dwimordene
Galadriel55's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: The realm of forgotten words
Posts: 9,587
Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
I finally watched the second half. I thought it was even worse, to the point where I couldn't keep a straight face, it got so ridiculous at times. So first there is a Barrow Clown, who, instead of reading his perfectly fine creepy poem, instead goes on an overacted rant about gold and staying underground. Then there is the Prancing Pony, which apparently is managed by Sir Butterbur, the Barliman in Chainmail, and where Frodo manages to get stupidly drunk and then perfectly sober in the timespan of, what, half an hour in story time? Worst of all is probably Rivendell: Frodo spends the entire thing whining about how he is scared and wants to go home, and then Gandalf says "No, Frodo, you have to do this, and only you can do this". Moria, where a bunch of them... fall into a chasm? What? And Gandalf isn't even - like, they're fighting orcs, and Aragorn leads their escape, and when they make it out and do a headcount turns out Gandalf is missing. Aragorn's conclusion: he must have died protecting us (cue synchronized tear wiping). Oh, but Lorien! Turns out the Golden Wood is inhabited by Faeries of the evil variety, who would put you to sleep with their magic bells and send you down an LSD trip until Boromir and Gimli wake you up. Who knew that the scary stories about Dwimordene are all true?! (Also, who knew that you can take specific references and descriptions of what the Elvish realms feel like, and put them just slightly out of context, which will turn them into LSD trips?) And with only-slightly-evil-Seer Galadriel in the playhouse castle of Galadhon... It just can't be taken seriously. And this is without going into the design of the whole thing, whining munching painted hobbitses... "A stout little fellow with red cheeks" doesn't mean a face full of ridiculous make up.

Now to read Hui's commentary... Ha! I think we've nicknamed some of the same ridiculousness in numerous places.

Frodo responds by monologuing directly to camera.
That was the only decent sequence in the whole Downs bit: that's Frodo directly quoting his internal monologue, wondering if he should run away while he can, but rejecting the thought of abandoning his friends. Why couldn't the Barrow Wight have his proper quote? It would have been so much better.

Pretty soon she's on her feet dancing with him; given the way he's singing, I can only assume she was brought in when they realised their Frodo couldn't hold a tune to save his life.
She's singing verses from There Was An Inn, from the middle of the song. It makes no sense. And it seems that Frodo is just trying to keep up with her.

A quick chat with the other hobbits reveals that Bilbo is here, and doing very well for himself. He mumbles his way through a poem while drinking from a jewelled goblet, and then has a cheerful reunion with Frodo.
Oh, another part that I hated. Frodo wakes up in Rivendell and starts whining, but Gandalf and Sam tell him there is a surprise waiting. So he makes his way out of the room and lo! the other hobbits are there. At which point Gandalf tells him there is a surprise waiting (Wait, what? Deja vu? No, this is for real!), and sends him off to find Bilbo. Who is evidently trying to make a poem or song, but it's a hideous thing with no rhyme or rhythm about how he is not afraid of Gollum. *shudders*

Boromir has some suggestions, but most importantly has an amazing moustache.

For whatever reason, probably the moustache, he reminded me of this guy. Not how I imagined Boromir, but sure.

With a final cackle, Saruman imprisons Gandalf, but it's okay: he soon escapes by terrifying muppet eagle.
Oh god, another thing I've succeeded in blissfully forgetting. You said Bilbo didn't turn into Gollum, but somehow Saruman did! He was Smeagumaning his way through the recruitment speech to Gandalf. Ugh. And Muppet Eagle... look at its eyes!

things attack! Maybe crebain?
Werewolves. Ornithological werewolves?

This is Legolas, by the way, who I'm 75% sure is played by a woman.
I motion to call him/her Legolass.

The Eye of Sauron looks back!
And it's a lovely brown colour. ^.^

I don't think Legolas even had any lines.
Nope. That was my thought too. I wonder if Legolass would have given herself away too much if she spoke.

Final thought: enjoy the beauty of this exchange, just outside of Moria:
Aragorn: Ahead lies the Golden Wood.
Pippin (I think... a hobbit, anyways): How will we know that it is the Golden Wood?
Aragorn: The power of imagination is a great power.
You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera

Last edited by Galadriel55; 05-06-2021 at 08:05 PM.
Galadriel55 is offline   Reply With Quote