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Old 08-09-2002, 01:28 PM   #441
raci
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Frodo facing Gollum on Mount Doom - Holds up ring and says "Moon Prism Power". All of a sudden he has a perfect manicure which gets covered up by white gloves.
He then makes a speech about love and justice while wearing a Sailor uniform with big pink bows on it (his hair is suddenly long and blond and looks like a couple of meatballs).
Then he throws his tiara at Gollum whilst shouting "Moon Tiara Magic". Gollum explodes. Frodo trips over his own feet and drops his ring in the volcano. He bursts into tears and crys like a baby.
(This will only be understood by Sailor Moon fans, and even they probably won't find this funny. Oh well, I had to get my name sum where on this great thread)
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Old 08-09-2002, 01:29 PM   #442
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Frodo facing Gollum on Mount Doom - Holds up ring and says "Moon Prism Power". All of a sudden he has a perfect manicure which gets covered up by white gloves.
He then makes a speech about love and justice while wearing a Sailor uniform with big pink bows on it (his hair is suddenly long and blond and looks like a couple of meatballs).
Then he throws his tiara at Gollum whilst shouting "Moon Tiara Magic". Gollum explodes. Frodo trips over his own feet and drops his ring in the volcano. He bursts into tears and crys like a baby.
(This will only be understood by Sailor Moon fans, and even they probably won't find this funny. Oh well, I had to get my name sum where on this great thread)
[img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]
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Old 08-09-2002, 01:30 PM   #443
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Frodo facing Gollum on Mount Doom - Holds up ring and says "Moon Prism Power". All of a sudden he has a perfect manicure which gets covered up by white gloves.
He then makes a speech about love and justice while wearing a Sailor uniform with big pink bows on it (his hair is suddenly long and blond and looks like a couple of meatballs).
Then he throws his tiara at Gollum whilst shouting "Moon Tiara Magic". Gollum explodes. Frodo trips over his own feet and drops his ring in the volcano. He bursts into tears and crys like a baby.
(This will only be understood by Sailor Moon fans, and even they probably won't find this funny. Oh well, I had to get my name sum where on this great thread)
[img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]
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Old 08-10-2002, 10:01 AM   #444
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Ok....how about this one:
Boromir: I'm invicible!!
Lurtz: You're a loony.
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Old 08-10-2002, 10:57 AM   #445
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Aragorn: Well I really dont want to draw attention to myself... I dont think i'm that important.

Gandalf: Saruman! Tell me who ur manicurist is! Those nails are so GORGEOUS!
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Old 08-10-2002, 11:00 AM   #446
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Aragorn: DON'T WORRY! I'LL SAVE YOU!
Eowyn: OH! MY HERO! WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT YOU?

its not that great but there you are
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Old 08-14-2002, 08:09 PM   #447
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At the Lake of Moria:
Frodo is picked up by one of the tentacles screaming. Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Merry, and Pippin rush out hacking away, trying to save him. Gandalf and Samwise remain on the shore, looking on. The others are unsucessful and Frodo is eaten. Sam says "oh, well" Gandalf turns back to him and replies with a shrug "well, that solves our ring problem"

can ya tell that I thought that one through a little?
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Old 08-16-2002, 07:24 PM   #448
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Sauron: I never wanted to be a dark lord, I always wanted to be...........A LUMBERJACK!. Leaping from tree to tree with my best ringwraith at my side as we float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. We'd sing, .....sing, .....sing!
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Old 08-16-2002, 07:27 PM   #449
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After placing he ring in the fire, Gandalf pulles it out and hands it to Frodo and asks, "What do you see?"

Frodo: Well, I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition!

Spanish Iquisition after busting down the door to bag end: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquistion, our cheif weapon..........
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Old 08-16-2002, 11:59 PM   #450
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Greetings, people! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] I think I'll try a bit.

At the council at Rivendell, Elrond was saying: 'The Ring must be destroyed, and it must be destroyed by someone who does his work well, pays his taxes on time, and helps his land-lady take out her garbage.'

~M

[ August 17, 2002: Message edited by: Morquesse ]
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Old 08-19-2002, 02:14 PM   #451
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So this is where this thread has been hiding! I was looking all over The Books section. I haven't had a post on here for about 2 pages.

*smiles insane grin as he finds his precious*

ok...

Elrond: Say Eowyn....doing anything tonight?

Aragorn: I'm not going to lie to you Frodo. When it comes down to it, I'm a cold-blooded psychopathic maniac and you are not safe around me.

I'll be back! Make sure this thread stays right here!
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Old 08-23-2002, 04:31 PM   #452
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Frodo: Here, Gandalf, take the Ring!
Gandalf: I MUST NOT!!!!!
Frodo: I'm GIVING it to you!
Gandalf: Ok, fine.
Frodo: Here.
Gandalf: Heeeheee, Thanks! *does a happy dance*
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Old 08-23-2002, 05:48 PM   #453
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I haven't posted here in a while either! Eomer, you gave me an idea..

Frodo: Aragorn. I know what I have to do.

Aragorn: Good for you Frodo. *goes to walk away but Frodo begins to talk again*

Frodo: I must go to Mordor. Alone. This is my quest. I must see through it.

Aragorn: You are a brave hobbit, Frodo Baggins. Have a good trip!

Frodo: Aragorn, wait. How dangerous is the road to Mordor?

Aragorn: Not gonna lie, you'll probably die. There's no where more dangerous on all of Middle-earth. Heh, you'll probably not even make it past Emyn Muil! Actually, you'll be lucky if you get halfway through there! But don't worry. You'll probably die a quick and painless death! No, nevermind. Most likely slow and painful.

*Frodo looks as if he's about to cry*

Aragorn: Cheer up, Frodo! It'll be fun!! Take Sam along too!
*Aragorn think to himself* Hehee, two birds with one stone.. [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]
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Old 08-24-2002, 02:41 PM   #454
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At Weathertop:

FRODO: Oh $*%(#*! How many hit points does a lich have again?
SAM: (whimper)
FRODO [breathing on and kissing many multi-sided dice]: Come on, luck be a lady!
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Old 08-26-2002, 07:16 PM   #455
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Boromir:We should use the ring against him...

Aragorn [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]In that wierd voice)You cannot wield it, none of us can.

Boromir:What would a mere ranger know of this matter?

Aragorn:You know what, your right I will just shut up now.

(Its not funny but I had to say you cannot wield it for Lothiriel [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] )
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Old 08-26-2002, 08:35 PM   #456
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Thanky Catherine [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

But seriously. YOU can not weild it! None of us can! The ring answers to Sauron alone, it has no other master!!!
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Old 08-26-2002, 08:38 PM   #457
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aragorn: (in a weird voice) YOU CAN WEILD IT!!!!
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Old 08-28-2002, 02:01 PM   #458
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Aragorn: You cannot wield it! I took it to the jeweller's earlier and it's almost broken, so be careful! We don't want to get Sauron even more mad at us

Boromir: My goodness Lord Elrond, the luncheon here in Imladris is quite spiffing.

Legolas: Guys, The Strokes want me to fill in for Fab on their tour of Eriador so....good luck and all Frodo but what can I say - Rock comes first!

Sam: I'll do your garden in a minute Mr. Frodo, I'm playing Champ Manager...

Denethor: Ha ha ha ha ha! Ho ho ho! You...ha ha ha! But...hee hee! Oh my! That's funny!
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Old 08-28-2002, 03:24 PM   #459
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Legolas: *Singing at the top of his lungs on that snowy moutain in "Fellowship of the rings"* THE HIIIILLLSS ARE ALIIIIVE, WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUSSSIIIC!!!!!!

Aragorn: Black is five meniutes ago, I belive I'll try pretty, pretty pink

Frodo: ITS BEEN FOUR WEEKS AND I STILL HAVENT GOTTEN A REPLY TO MY SUBSCRIPTION TO THE BACKSTREET BOYS FAN CLUB!!!
Aragorn: Well...Theres allways *N Sync

Gimli: Legolas?
Legolas: Yes?
Gimli: When we was running from that fire monster back there and I sliped wile jumping over to you, WHY DID YOU GRAB THE BEARD
Legolas: Well...*Stops and thinks* it was either that or your nose hair

Grandlaf: *Walking along and heres something go squish, and looks down* Theres an elephent in these parts....EEEEeeeewwww!!!

Sam: Mr. Frodo, have I told you how nice your hair looks today?

Frodo, Aragorn, Pippin & Legolas: *Up on stage at the Pranceing Poney, singing acopello* Trailor for sail or rent, rooms to rent 50C. No dogs, no cats, no pets...I aint got no ciggrettes!
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Old 08-28-2002, 05:00 PM   #460
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Aragorn: Gentlemen, what are you doing! We don't stop till nightfall! Get up, we have a long way to go. We can't just sit around all the time, you know. We're men. We must be strong.

Pippin: But Strider, I've gotten so far in Pretty Pretty Princess! I'm almost a Princess!

Aragorn: Well then, a short rest won't do a man any harm!
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Old 08-29-2002, 06:17 AM   #461
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Boromir: One does not simply walk into Mordor.....the prices are extortionate!

Eomer: (on seeing Elladan and Elrohir) I'm seeing double! Four Elves!

Frodo: I sense danger!
Sam: Be careful Ninety-Nine!
Pippin: What?
Frodo: You are so young...

Aragorn: (to Gandalf) Could you maybe step out of the limelight for ONE SECOND?

Arwen: Keg party at my house!
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Old 08-31-2002, 12:42 AM   #462
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Sauron: Come on Elrond, let's go have a drink at the Happy Tyrant! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

*dedicated to Zoe, who will be leaving the Fort for one whole year*

[ August 31, 2002: Message edited by: Keeper of the Feet of Melkor ]
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Old 09-02-2002, 11:02 PM   #463
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Wringwraith #1: Wind!
Wringwraith #2: Water!
Wringwraith #3: Fire!
Wringwraith #4: HEART!
All (thrusting their rings into the air): With our powers combined...
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Old 09-03-2002, 07:56 PM   #464
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gollum: (coughs up a fishbone) (speacks in british accent) oh thank eru, i've been trying to get that thing out for 600 years. hmmm, poking it with a finger works.
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Old 09-03-2002, 08:14 PM   #465
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aragorn: crap, my sword broke...KA...ME...HA...ME...HA!!!!!!!!!!!
(a giant blast of energy kills a bunch of orcs)
i know, not even funny to dbz fans (sigh)
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Old 09-07-2002, 08:23 AM   #466
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I just got it NazgulNumber10.

Pippin: Mercury Bubbles....Blast!
Merry: Mars Fire....Ignite!
Sam: Jupiter Thunder....Crash!
Frodo: Venus Crescent Beam....Smash!
Legolas: Moon Sceptre....Elimination!

(Not funny unless you're a Sailor Moon fan, still probably not funny if you are)

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Old 09-07-2002, 08:25 AM   #467
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P.S. (The real Invader Zim is hiding out in my closet. Don't tell anyone!)
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Old 09-07-2002, 08:27 AM   #468
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The Eye

not really a fan, just watched it a couple of times. and HELP SAVE ZIM!!!
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Old 09-07-2002, 09:38 AM   #469
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Frodo: ok, so what your saying is, if i look into this bird bath... i'll see my future?!
no way!!!

i'll try to come up w/better ones! [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]
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Old 09-07-2002, 10:03 AM   #470
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Galadriel: Look into my mirror!
Frodo:Its a bird bath!
GaladrieL: Its my mirror!!
Frodo: I still say its a bird bath!
Galadriel: *looks at frodo* Fine look into my bird bath!
Fordo: Why i all ready know what i'll see!
Galadriel: What? *looks at him with shocked expression*
Frodo: Im gonna see birdys!

---------------------------------------------

Frodo offers the ring to Galadriel and she goes all weird!
Galadriel: In place of a dark lord you will have a.......*Starts coughing uncontrolably*
Crap!*gets out a cough drop and eats it! Looks at Frodo realizing she forgot him!* Oh an no i dont want the ring!

---------------------------------------------

I know they suck but oh well! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[ September 07, 2002: Message edited by: Celebmornie ]
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Old 09-07-2002, 11:08 AM   #471
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Tolkien

Black Rider: Give me back my kazoo, dammit!
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Old 09-07-2002, 01:32 PM   #472
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This one I got from my friend (who I'm trying to get to join this forum).

After Frodo wakes up in Rivendell:
Frodo: Where were you, Gandalf? Why didn't you meet us?
Gandalf: I'm sorry, Frodo. I had better things to do.
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Old 09-07-2002, 02:01 PM   #473
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Saruman: The Nine have left Minas Morgul. They crossed the river Isen on Midsummer's Eve. They will find the Goblet, and kill the one who carries it.
Gandalf: Goblet? No, no, mate, it's a Ring they're looking for.
Saruman: You mean I've wasted hundreds and hundreds of years searching for a non-existant Goblet?
Gandalf: Sounds like it.
Saruman: Oh, uh, hmm.....well then
Gandalf: I guess this is kinda awkward for you huh?
Saruman: hmmm....yes....indeed
Gandalf: Ok, I'll just let myself out. Don't feel too bad mate.

Saruman: Wait a minute, who were those fellows in black asking for a Goblet then?

Elrond: God I hope they find my Goblet soon, my beer isn't as good without it!

*ba-da-bing!*
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Old 09-08-2002, 04:18 PM   #474
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[img]smilies/eek.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]
i don't know if these are funny but:

Saruman:Gandalf me old chap, we must join Sauron to survive.
Gandalf:Sorry Saruman, old matee, I'd rather shoot you. *Gandalf shoots Saruman killing him. He laughs wildly*

Frodo:What delayed you Gandalf, why didn't yo meet us?
Gandalf:Because I was killing Saruman like I'm goin to kill you. *He kills Frodo and laughs wildly*
*Sam walks in*
Sam:What have you done you old sleezbaggy jerk? You killed master Frodo! *Sam grabs Gandalf's gun and shoots him then he laughs wildly, takes the ring from Frodo, puts it on, and runs off to Mordor to give it to Sauron so he can rule over Middle-earth*

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Old 09-09-2002, 07:41 PM   #475
Brildagniriel
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Ok, here's one. (Sorry if it's not funny)

Strider: Are you frightened?
Frodo: Yes.
Strider: Great. Then my work is done here. (exit stage left)
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Old 09-15-2002, 06:24 AM   #476
bombur
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Gollum: What is the average flying speed of a migrating swallow?
Bilbo: African or European swallow?
Gollum: I dont know aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

JH
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Old 09-15-2002, 06:34 AM   #477
bombur
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Gandalf: Why do you not come down from your tower instead.
Saruman: Obi-wan once thought like you, it is too late for me my son, you do not know the power of the dark side.
Gandalf: Then my father is truly dead.

JH
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Old 09-15-2002, 07:19 AM   #478
bombur
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Mouth of Sauron: -politely- "the director has another meeting at the moment, would you like to come back later, or would you like to leave a message?"
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Old 09-15-2002, 07:21 AM   #479
bombur
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"My name is Tuk, Peregrin Tuk."
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Old 09-15-2002, 08:43 AM   #480
bombur
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Frodo: We are putting the band back together.
Sam: We are on mission from god.
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