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Old 01-09-2007, 07:58 AM   #41
Elonve
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Elonve has just left Hobbiton.
Make fat jokes about his 'Mummy'

Talk in a very annoying spitty voice.

Prance around in his knickers singing, "I am Lord Sauron! Weeeeee!"
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Last edited by Elonve; 04-09-2011 at 06:23 PM.
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Old 01-09-2007, 06:59 PM   #42
Morai
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Boots

Quote:
Get an overweight Orc to wear Sauron's armour and parade around in it doing poor impressions of The Dark Lord.
Nah, I think an prissy, stuck up elf would be better. Or, in case the elf refuses on grounds of poor pay, have Saruman do the job. That would really tick Sauron off.
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Old 01-17-2007, 04:12 AM   #43
Elonve
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poke him in his eye
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Last edited by Elonve; 04-09-2011 at 06:23 PM.
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Old 01-17-2007, 09:59 AM   #44
Morai
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Boots Random Titles get pulled over....

Walk up to Sauron, and tell him in a professional voice "Boss? The Police called earlier. It seems they've written you a ticket for using a Palantir while driving."
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Old 01-17-2007, 10:01 AM   #45
Hookbill the Goomba
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Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Hookbill the Goomba is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
Morris Dancing... Orcs?
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Old 01-30-2007, 02:22 AM   #46
Alphaelin
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Tell him you've enrolled the Orcs in ballet class, and that he has to watch their recital. Dress the Orcs in pink costumes, with maribou feathers. Make the Orcs dance to 'I'm a little teapot', and make them practice it about fifty times a day. Be sure to plan the recital for the exact moment Aragorn's army shows up at the Morannon.
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Old 01-30-2007, 10:33 AM   #47
Elmo
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Elmo has just left Hobbiton.
Claim that the size of Barad-Dur is Sauron trying to compensate for something

THE LACK OF A SECOND EYE of course, what did you think i was meaning

Chant ma me ma mo, ma me ma mae over and over again in an irritating high pitch voice, no wait just get Pippin to do it
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Old 01-30-2007, 01:13 PM   #48
Thenamir
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Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Thenamir has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!
Send him a case of Visine.
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Old 03-15-2007, 03:39 PM   #49
Celegost
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Shield

When hes adressing his massive orc army, shout "everybody dance now"
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Old 03-15-2007, 06:49 PM   #50
xyzzy
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xyzzy is still gossiping in the Green Dragon.
Vividly describe a dream to him which you had where he dies a torturous death.

Include stabbing sound effects for bonus points.

Eye stabbing sounds.
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Old 03-16-2007, 06:01 AM   #51
The Sixth Wizard
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Thumbs up

Build up a massive army of elves, men and other nice people, invade Barad-Dur and set a dog on him 'just like old times'.

Tell him Luthien is better than him.

Tell him Felagund nearly beat him at singing.

Laugh at his singing.

STOP HIM SINGING.

Tell him that even if Minas Tirith had been invaded and there was a second Dark Years that Eru would have put a foot in and sunk the party anyway.

Tell him his old vampire suit makes his rear end look big.

Listen to him say his eye is superior to all attack and sees all, then get a mate and sneak up on him from behind and front simultaneously.

Tell him that he has the worst army in Battle For Middle Earth 2.

Tell him Saruman's orcs are bigger, smarter and have more dynamite.

Inform him of the fact he was beaten by a dog OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

Then inform him of the fact he was beaten by a midget.

... And his chief servant was beaten by a girl.

Tell him Aragorn looks more manly than him.

Ask whether wearing a big black helmet hides his pimples.

Enlighten him upon Olay Ultra-Clear. (the spot is gone in 24 hours!)

Tell him Artemis Fowl is WAY smarter than him.

Then prove it in a game of cross-book correspondence chess.

Ask whether he is really a HE.

...Run away from her.


Aaaaaah, cynicality.
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Old 05-18-2007, 07:06 AM   #52
lothlorien
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Sting

Throw popcorn kerdles into mount doom and then ask him what movie does he want to watch with you.

Then ask to watch it on the eye of Sauron and when he says no pout and say well you said you can see everything" and then complain that he never wants to do anything with you.
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Old 05-18-2007, 08:50 AM   #53
Boo Radley
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Boo Radley has just left Hobbiton.
When the spotlight-like beam from his eye hits you, go into an old soft shoe number.

That's what I'd do.

Seriously.
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Old 05-15-2008, 11:55 PM   #54
Morgoth's Apprentice
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Dark-Eye

-dump a bucket of water on his eye
-try to put his eye out with a pointed stick
-insult him right to his face (i mean eye i guess)
-tell him that the witch king is a poor choice for a servant
-insult Morgoth in front of him
-play hide and seek with him until he gets ****ed off that he cant find you

..more to come later...
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Old 05-22-2008, 06:02 AM   #55
kementari
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Dark-Eye Annoying Sauron

Firstly misplace his morning supply of coffee...
Pull all the blankets on to your side (he doesn't need them, he's all flames anyway)
Don't iron the creases out of his work shirts.

I'm sure he's not that tempamental, but hey who knows.
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Old 11-20-2010, 07:01 PM   #56
Galadriel55
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Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
The Eye

Tell him he's cross-eyed.
Spray hair-spray into his eye.
Tell him that 9 fingers really isn't enough for a King of ME.
Offer him to tutor him in music. Particularly in singing.
Ask him if he ever blinks.
Present him with a fake Ruling Ring.
Through sand in his eye.
Tell him that a hairy midget will destroy him.
Knock on Barad-dur's gates and say "pizza's here!"
Tell him that there are atom bombs prepared in Minas Tirith, and his best weapon is a rusty musket.
Tell him that his eye would be more attractive if it was green.
Say "Huan" in his earshot (eye-shot?)
Remind him that he doesn't have a license to use a palantir.

There are so many ways!
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Last edited by Galadriel55; 12-22-2010 at 05:38 PM.
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Old 12-22-2010, 05:18 PM   #57
Galadriel55
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Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.Galadriel55 is lost in the dark paths of Moria.
And another one:

Ask Sauron, "can I please borrow your contact lenses?"

Or simply tell him that he needs glasses.
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You passed from under darkened dome, you enter now the secret land. - Take me to Finrod's fabled home!... ~ Finrod: The Rock Opera
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Old 05-27-2014, 06:56 PM   #58
Lotrelf
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Lotrelf has just left Hobbiton.
Dear Sauron, can I hire your country and especially Barad-dur for a month or so? I want to shoot for an episode of Man vs. Wild. We'll come on Eagles so that it doesn't take long.
And
Don't you get bored sitting all the time in your creepy Tower? Go and see the world it's better.
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Old 06-18-2014, 02:34 AM   #59
Ivriniel
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Ivriniel has just left Hobbiton.
Tell him that, really, he was just jealous of Arwen, because, secretly, he had the hots for Aragorn, and never coped with the rejection. And offer him anti-stalking counselling.
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Old 06-18-2014, 08:02 AM   #60
Lotrelf
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Another one: Show him this thread. We'd see if he isn't annoyed! And doesn't come to kill us ALL.
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