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Old 09-09-2004, 12:10 PM   #1
NightKnight
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The poem of Gil-Galad

In FotR Sam tells it on Weathertop. I made a new version of it. Feel free to criticize me!


Gil-Galad was a king of elves
Between the grey waves and the shelves
Of the Misty Mountains. Free his land
The fairest realm that yet did stand

A mighty sword, a deadly lance
That many orcs upon did glance
His helmet bright and shield with stars
Protected him from many scars

But who can tell which path he goes
And where he wanders noone knows
His star was left alone to die
In Mordor, where the shadows lie



*************************************************
I decided to add the original one as well, just for comparision:
*************************************************

Gil-Galad was an elven king
Of him the harpers sadly sing
The last whose realm was fair and free
Between the mountains and the sea

His sword was long, his lance was keen
His shining helm afar was seen
The countless stars of heaven's field
Were mirrored in his silver shield

But long ago he rode away
And where he dwelleth none can say
For into darkness fell his star
In Mordor, where the shadows are
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Old 09-09-2004, 01:23 PM   #2
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1420! Very likeable...

First, I will comment about the original Gil-galad poem. Anytime I get to the "His sword was long, his lance was keen, his shinging helm afar was seen..." I just want to sing it in the Gulligan Island's theme song, well the beat of the theme song.

Anyway, on you poem NightKnight, I actually think it was well done, and some of the phrases you use like "deadly lance, That many orcs upon did glance" and "His helmet bright and shield with stars, Protected him from many scars," add sort of a little comedy into the poem.
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Old 09-09-2004, 02:25 PM   #3
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Thank you.

I just love "The countless stars of heaven's field/Were mirrored in his silver shield". It was impossible to even get close to it.
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Old 09-09-2004, 08:28 PM   #4
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Well done, NK! Good meter and rhyming.

I reread the end of the Sil and loved the part about Maglor wandering and singing laments on the shores of the Sea, so I decided to try and write one... granted, it won't be in elvish, but it's pretty good so far. It's basically about everything that happened to Maglor and the deaths of his father and brothers through the curse of the Oath. I've only got around 40 lines so far... writing in couplets for a long while is hard! I tried to follow the style of the Lay of Leithian... let's just say that Tolkien was truly the master of rhymes.
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Old 09-10-2004, 10:27 PM   #5
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That was really good, NightKnight!

I, too, have given in to the temptation to write my own Middle-earth poetry. I wrote a pretty short one about Boromir and a longer one on the fall of Gondolin that I'm pretty proud of. And I tried to write one about the death of Fingolfin, but only managed to come up with the final three lines. I find that I tend to come up with the last lines of my poems first. It's kinda odd.
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Old 09-11-2004, 03:38 AM   #6
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Encaitare and Lachwen, can you post them? It would be really nice to read them. And thanks for liking it.
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Old 09-11-2004, 05:13 PM   #7
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I don't see why not...

Boromir
To the shores of pale Nen Hithoel,
In the shadow of Tol Brandir,
Came one of courage, valor and might;
Faithful companion; Boromir.

Proud son of the Steward of Gondor
He came from Ecthelion’s White Tower
To be part of the last desperate fight
Against the Enemy’s power.

His worth was proven many times
On plain and mountain-slope;
And often did his courage hold
In times devoid of hope.

Until the shores of Nen Hithoel,
In the shadow of Tol Brandir;
Then did his will give out at last;
Cheated spirit; Boromir.

The battle of will he did lose
But the battle of heart he won;
And his spirit passed, free of fear,
In the warm tree-mottled Sun.

Rauros roared on as ever
As the Sun fell from the noon;
In Parth Galen three stood in grief;
Their friend had met his doom.

Nen Hithoel is clear and cold;
The Sun sinks behind Tol Brandir.
And over the falls rides a small Elven boat;
Lamented hero; Boromir.



The Fall of Gondolin (I have really imaginative titles, no? )
In the hidden valley of green Tumladen,
A precious emerald, veiled from sight,
Lay the stainless jewel, so fair and free;
O shining city, O haven of light!

O Gondolin! Fair Gondolin!
Ondolindë, Song wroght of Stone!
The lasting haven of the Noldor,
The bright mem'ry of Tirion!

Sharp towers of gleaming silver,
Flowing streets of pearl-white,
Lit bright by carvéd crystal lamps
Shining like the stars of night.

O golden vision of Laurelin!
O radiant image of Telperion!
O white and glittering fountain free,
And rainbow of your water thereon!

But the fairest jewel kept hid therein,
No silver fountain with sapphire fall,
Nor gem fair-wrought, but Turgon's daughter,
Bright Idril Celebrindal.

There ever craving for her love
And ever doomed to be alone,
Maeglin lusted and yearned unceasing,
His black heart cold as stone.

And when Tuor, Huor's son, there came
And captured golden Idril's heart,
Then Maeglin's wrath brought doom on all
And tore fair Gondolin apart.

For in his search for gems and ore
In the Encircling Mountains tall
Morgoth caught him, and for his aid
He promised him Celebrindal.

Thus on a night of festival,
The feast of Gates of Summer,
Morgoth's army came at unawares
To kill, and burn, and plunder.

Then Maeglin captured bright Idril
And Eärendil, good Tuor's son;
And Tuor batled him in the doomed city
As with fire the pearl-white streets did run.

There Maeglin came unto his end,
Cast far out form the city's white walls,
And his body strikes the ground below
Even as the King's tower falls.

Tuor and Idril, with their child and friends,
And all others that they could gather,
Took the secret way long in the building
And, sorrowful, fled the disaster.

But in Eagle's Cleft sorrow struck again;
There came a Balrog, a demon of wrath;
In the high place with him Glorfindel fought,
And they fell from Cirith Thoronath.

The refugees of Ondolindë,
With saddened hearts and lessened host,
At last found refuge with their kin
On Sirion, by the coast.

There they dwelt for many a year,
And sang there many a mournful lay
For their lost City of Seven Names;
Fair Gondolin Ondolindë.



I still really want to write one about Fingolfin's death, but I've tried several times and only have this to show for it:
And thus he passed, in years of yore,
When he took his sword Ringil in hand
And rode away on Rochallor.


Maybe the rest will come to me someday...
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Old 09-11-2004, 05:45 PM   #8
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Hope this thread doesn't get closed...

I wrote several LotR-inspired poems; I'll just provide the links because some of them are quite long.

The Last Reigning Steward

Shieldmaiden

Those are the two long ones... I have a couple of shorter ones too--

Olorin

Still They Sleep This one's a bit odd... doesn't rhyme but it's alright.

I wrote a few more lines to Maglor's Lament (working title -- original, no? ) but it's far from complete. I'll type up what I've got at some point and post it.
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Old 09-11-2004, 06:22 PM   #9
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Tolkien

Greats poets all. Would that I could join your ranks....

NightKnight: I loved the last two lines! "His star was left alone to die..." very cool.

Lachwen: Cool one on Boromir. I liked that Glorfindel was included in your "Fall of Gondolin."

Encaitare: Great work, really great. My favorite was "Shieldmaiden." It almost sounded like a song, wish I could make up a tune for it.

Ah well, don't listen to me. What do I know of tunes and poems? I'll stick to my prose, it's what I do best.
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Old 09-11-2004, 07:06 PM   #10
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Quote:
Encaitare: Great work, really great. My favorite was "Shieldmaiden." It almost sounded like a song, wish I could make up a tune for it. -- Elianna
Thanks! I really think of it as a song too. I think of it as a heavy metal song, with a female vocalist. Perhaps I should start a band just for that purpose!

NK, I decided to type up what I've got so far... not much considering what I want it to be, but long nonetheless!

-------------------------------------

“Maglor’s Lament”


I.

The last of seven brothers strong
The last of we who suffered long
The last live son of Fëanor
Am I who mourn on lonely shore.
Dark were his locks and bright his eyes
As one who is not fooled by lies
And mighty whe’er he fought or laughed
Was this great master of his craft.

Of skill unmatched was Fëanor
And many days ago, before
The time was past of Arda’s Spring,
He made, more great than magic Ring,
Three Silmarils, with light within
Of Telperion and Laurelin.
Yea, the silver Elder Tree
Was held forever there to see
And Song of Gold, the younger fair
Was then and always shining there.
And in those days the light yet shone
In neither Gems nor Trees alone,
And proud was heart of Fëanor
Who then yet dwelt in Valinor.

But in the heart of Melkor, hate
Grew towards the keepers of Jewels great
He lusted for both pow’r and jewel
And thus within his mind so cruel
He plotted long. Black jealousies
He held for those in light of Trees
And so Ungoliant he sought
The spider foul who loves life not,
Promising sweet light to consume,
And thus on errantry of doom
To Valinor they sped.

But all were gone
From Laurelin and Telperion --
Each Elf and Vala was at feast
Not knowing that had Melkor ceased
The peace uneasy. So he met
No sword or spear or arrow yet,
Nor wrath of Valar. Emboldened they
Approached the bright Corollairë
And while the Trees together shone
O’er Taniquetil and Tirion
And all bright lands of Valinor
None guessed what evil war
Would soon begin. For Melkor, he
Brought his black spear to each bright Tree.
The Trees then bled as life did wane
And then the Spider proved their bane:
She came upon them, drank them deep
And put them both to deathly sleep
With poisons great – Telperion
And Laurelin the fair were gone.

---------------------------------------

I mention magic rings... well, firstly because it rhymes and secondly because we don't know what happened to Maglor... he could still be alive at the time of the creation of any of the rings. Or since we know that there was no shortage of other rings aside form the great ones, perhaps they began dabbling in ring-work back in Maglor's day. Who knows?

By the way, Lachwen, very lovely poems. I love how you include so many names in them.
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Old 09-11-2004, 10:29 PM   #11
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Encaitare...wow. I'm jealous. The end of Shieldmaiden sent chills down my spine. Very well written, all of them! *applause*
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Old 09-12-2004, 04:04 AM   #12
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Wow! You two are waaaay better than me.

Lachwen - Great poems.
Encaitare - Even better! Especially Maglor... Almost as good as Tolkien himself, NK thinks. Keep it up!

And thanks, Elianna.
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Old 09-12-2004, 07:40 AM   #13
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Shield

Sorry everyone, but we don't post fan fictions or poetry in this forum because it isn't discussion. If we allowed it, we would have page after page of poems but no one talking. I'm going to close this thread but encourage you to share your poems privately. An even better idead would be if someone could create a poetry page, which could be linked in signatures and, if the site is nicely made, I would add it to the LINKS page of our main site.

Thanks
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