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Old 01-24-2002, 03:22 PM   #1
Fell Shade
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Sting Sauron in his off hours

I think a lot of readers have a very shallow view of Sauron, and, in the effort to further enlighten this character, I've put a list of things the Dark Lord did in his off hours. Enjoy!

-He had taken up gardening as a hobby, though he definitely lacked a green thumb.

-Few people realize that it was actually the Dark Lord who first invented the monocle.

-Of course, he had a flair for jewelry(I mean, c'mon, the man had more rings than Liberace!)

-His rap is legendary. He was famous for ending every song with something about himself and Mordor.

-Finally, he loved to read, but he could never see what everyone was talking about in those "magic eye" books, and he gave up after three books of trying to find the title character in those "Where's Frodo" books.
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Old 01-24-2002, 04:18 PM   #2
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[img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
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Old 01-24-2002, 08:30 PM   #3
Dáin Ironfoot
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Hahahah also you forget that he strove for world peace under a united rule. He also decreased the surplus population.
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Old 01-24-2002, 08:36 PM   #4
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LOL good one Dáin!

I think he wrote quite a few books. "Dude, Where's My Ring" I think could be one of them!
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Old 01-25-2002, 01:06 AM   #5
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Ring

He sold Avon door to door! [img]smilies/evil.gif[/img]

[ January 25, 2002: Message edited by: Elrian ]
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Old 01-25-2002, 01:53 AM   #6
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Flashes from South Park's Sadaam/Satan relationship are springing to mind....
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Old 01-26-2002, 10:59 PM   #7
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Raising orchids....Feed me Seymour!!!!
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Old 01-26-2002, 11:07 PM   #8
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Department store santa. Part-time.
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Old 01-26-2002, 11:16 PM   #9
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Bungee jumping from from Barad-dűr
Base-jumping from from Barad-dűr
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Old 01-27-2002, 11:59 PM   #10
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oohhhhhh! That is great!! What a crack up!! I love it!! I was laughing my little Hobbit-wanna-be head off!! Thanks for the laugh!
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Old 01-28-2002, 04:21 AM   #11
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Sting

Quote:
Originally posted by lomion:
<STRONG>Department store santa. Part-time.</STRONG>
These are great, but I think this one's my favourite so far. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]
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Old 01-28-2002, 06:50 AM   #12
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The Eye

Did the drive-time "Eye in the sky" traffic slot for WK-EVIL Radio
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Old 01-28-2002, 02:08 PM   #13
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Became an orc scout leader, and took them to make Smore's over the Cracks of Doom.
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Old 01-28-2002, 02:49 PM   #14
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Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!Estelyn Telcontar has reached the Cracks of Doom and destroyed the Ring!
Silmaril

lol, Yaish!!
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Old 01-28-2002, 03:28 PM   #15
Fissh, nice fissh
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Old 01-28-2002, 04:59 PM   #16
Carannillion
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Family man. Working on the other side of the world, of course, so he is one Age on duty, one Age off duty; at home, raising kids, enjoying gardening and watching the stars with his 'lovely' wife, Saurona.
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Old 01-28-2002, 05:24 PM   #17
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Saurona!! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
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Old 01-28-2002, 07:13 PM   #18
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Sting

Lol, the Scout Leader one's great.
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Old 01-28-2002, 08:18 PM   #19
Dáin Ironfoot
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Sting

I think he was really good on the inside, but had to live up to his reputation.....somebody has to be the dark lord.
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Old 01-29-2002, 05:48 PM   #20
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1420!

He was in the Jewelry buisness. He gave cute lil' Ring-pops to all of his friends and he made one for himself but forgot the candy part. All of his friends got mad and for some odd reason tried to kill poor lil' Sauron and throw his ring-pop without the pop into the camp fire. They succeeded and our hero of this sad trgedy went home crying that his friends didn't like him any more.
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Old 01-30-2002, 02:27 PM   #21
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He spent all of his off hours hanging out in websites and taking part in discussions like this one. [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]
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Old 01-30-2002, 08:32 PM   #22
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Shield

Sauron is Santa Clause!!!! just think about it. he lives in a land where nobody goes (Mordor/NorthPole) he is surrounded by ruined elves (orcs) i mean what elf would want to sit around makin toys all day for some bratty kid??? he was rightfully called the Lord of Gifts in the Second Age and he has nine flying friends which for some reason he calls Nazgul but in our world they are known as reindeer. Now at the end of the Second age all the elves and men watched "How the Grich Stole Christmas" and decided to be grinchy lil elves and stop happy sauron from giving gifts to us on Christmas. i know this sounds far fetched but i know it to be true. Last Christmas i was sneakin around in hopes of a glimpse of Santa Clause. I saw him. Good jolly ole Sauron was carefully layin the presents under the tree. He was about to eat the Milk and Cookies but Aragorn suddenly came flying down the stairs yelling "Elendil!!!" and thrashing his sword wildy about in the direction of St. Nick-Sauron...(hehehe) the poor guy barely scrambled up the chimney before the Grinch-like swords man got him. Have pity on poor sauron and i hope you all know that i'm kidding..... hehehehehe hohoho [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]
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Old 01-30-2002, 09:36 PM   #23
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Until recently he was C.E.O. of Enron.
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Old 01-30-2002, 09:57 PM   #24
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I think that Sauron would spend a lot of time on the phone with his designer and personal shopper. After all, this guy is eager to get his ring back so he can have a body again, and once he is, he's going to be one SHARP DRESSED MAN.

"No, I don't think so, on the horns. Lose the horns. I'm thinking, spikes. Like the top of Barad-Dur? Yes, everyone would know who I was, then. Not sure about the whole, cloak angle. Spikes and cloaks don't mix. Hold on, got another call coming in.

Hello. Is this Saruman? Look, I told you I wasn't goign to talk to you until you did something about those nails.

Hi. Sorry about that. Let's talk about this lapel thing....you sure that big ones are coming back in? Wouldn't do to be the Dark Lord that everyone snickers at....'
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Old 02-01-2002, 12:49 PM   #25
Vitesse
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Don't forget that he used to play long games of Ping-Pong with the Witch King, who always lost on purpose, during meetings on forming committees with the rest of the Nazgul.
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Old 02-01-2002, 01:14 PM   #26
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"What if Sauron was one of us?
Just a slob, like one of us?
Just a stranger on the bus,
Tryin' to make his way home...

Nobody on the Palantir,
'Cept maybe Saruman in tears!"

(Apologies to Joan Osborne.)
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Old 02-01-2002, 03:54 PM   #27
Eowyn of Ithilien
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Silmaril

lmao yes yes
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Old 02-03-2002, 03:48 AM   #28
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Sting

HAHAHA you guys are too funny

It looks like the mystery of who puts all the razorblades in Halloween candy has been solved.

With all the slaves in Mordor, I always pictured Sauron as a Colonial Plantation owner in his free time. Chasing after that wily Brer Rabbit.
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Old 02-03-2002, 04:08 AM   #29
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Actually Sauron, the Dark Lord of Mordor does exist and is working in a cinema complex not far from our house (in England). He had his name changed by deed pole. Seriously, it was in the paper.
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Old 02-04-2002, 09:32 PM   #30
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Eye

I lean toward the idea that Sauron just watches too much "Pinky and the Brain" in his off-hours. And they say TV cannot influence our actions...Poor guy is clearly brainwashed by The Cartoon Network. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
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Old 09-07-2002, 11:39 AM   #31
Maltaharma
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Tolkien

Of course you all realize Sauron's true passion is his own line of jewelry, Evil Jewelry Inc. Though not many know it, besides a one ring there was also a one bracelet, one anklet, one necklace, and one tongue stud...however, these were all lost in the Balrog's credenza many years ago. So, sadly enough, Sauron's stock crashed, etc etc we all know that sad story, and if you don't just consider that Sauron rhymes with Enron.
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Old 09-07-2002, 12:05 PM   #32
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I am sure of that he works as a priest half-time in my home town. I had him when I got confirmed (but no, I am not religious), and he really was a little angel....from hell.
That IS Sauron, I tell you! Screwing people´s life up everywhere,and enjoying it.
Wouldn´t surprise me if he sometimes works as a teacher as well...
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Old 09-07-2002, 02:47 PM   #33
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Silmaril

When Sauron needs a little extra money in his pocket, he's a limo driver. Other than that, he also works at the local movie theater. He's that guy who takes your ticket and gives you back the stub.
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Old 09-08-2002, 05:09 PM   #34
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The Eye

He definitely works on TV - sort of Palantir Broadcasting Network. Hardly a viewer stays sane.
Or in advertising "Just come to Mordor and you'll never go anywhere else.

my emotions after a weekend by the TV
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Old 09-08-2002, 05:15 PM   #35
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Silmaril

...or selling eyedrops (I mean, he has an Unblinking Eye, so it must get pretty dried out)

[ September 08, 2002: Message edited by: Rosseiliantiel ]
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Old 09-08-2002, 06:18 PM   #36
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Actually i think he joined greenpeace and im positive saurons in the green party at the beehive i mean come on the guy has to be a politician
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Old 09-08-2002, 06:31 PM   #37
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Eye

You're all wrong! In his off-hours, Sauron iiiiiisss. . .
MY BROTHER!!!!
Well, he's evil enough to be. . .
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Old 09-09-2002, 02:16 PM   #38
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George Bush is really Sauron in disguise!!!! [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]
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Old 09-09-2002, 02:36 PM   #39
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He probably plays bingo with the old people at the bingo hall. Then he works the night shift at McDonald's.
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Old 09-10-2002, 10:08 PM   #40
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NO your all wrong hes the guy that eminem was talking about in the real slim shady:
"he could be working at burger king, spitting on your onion rings.." [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
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