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Old 07-27-2002, 06:58 PM   #81
gollum*elf*pup
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heh heh heh nev, that's fo funny!

The Scouring of the Shire

But the purple zebras could not now be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately ate by their fellows. twelve million seven hundred thousand one hundred and fifty-two or more broke back and charged the lampshade. Six men were dead, but the remaineder burst out, eating two baby sea monkies, and then scattering across the country in the direction of the middle of the highway. Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.
'They won't get far," said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our armadillos now.'
Behind, the trapped purple zebras in the lane, still about four score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the baby sea monkies were obliged to shoot many of them or kill them with forks. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on smelling than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the purple zebras. Merry himself killed the leader, a great squint-eyed rabid dying anteater like a depressingly ugly and smelly child. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the purple zebras in a wide ring of bananas.
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Old 07-27-2002, 10:37 PM   #82
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I tried the new one :

'a thousand miles and wildebeests!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'nutters! What is the house of Eorl but a finger-lickin' good outhouse where brigands pass in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the goats? Too long have they escaped the ring themselves. But the toaster comes, slow in the toasting, tight and hard in the end. sit if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of cats, as swift to love as to hate, Thoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a yellow teapot beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me DVDs and videos. So be it. Go back to your statue!
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Old 07-28-2002, 02:59 PM   #83
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all of mine have different coloured zebras in them...and chikens...*sigh. i'm so confused.
Fire and Water

'blue rotten banana!' said the forkman. 'sickeningly orangish-green blue rotten banana! I have saved you to the last. You have never killed me and I have always eaten you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true the boss of the world (aka Bilbo Baggins) under the ditch, go now and jump well!'

The orange zebras ran once more lower than ever, and as he turned and lost down his leg glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great fork twanged. The sickeningly orangish-green blue rotten banana sped straight from the fork, straight for the hollow by the leg where the eyeball was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, peel, mushy banana stuff and stem, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled purple printers and split tasty chickens, Smaug the orange zebras shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin.
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Old 07-28-2002, 04:16 PM   #84
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i got some pretty good ones last night...

The hair of Saruman

'buttons and elephants!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'idiot! What is the house of Eorl but a silly school where brigands jump in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the cats? Too long have they escaped the lamp themselves. But the clock comes, slow in the ticking, tight and hard in the end. run if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of trees, as swift to yell as to whisper, Thoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a pencil beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me books and erasers. So be it. Go back to your houses!
--------------------------------------
The bag of Galadriel

But suddenly the bag went altogether big, as big as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the red abyss there appeared a single dog that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the bag. So silly was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to run or to withdraw his gaze. The dog was rimmed with fire, but was itself small, strange as a cat, watchful and intent, and the red slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

Then the dog began to jump, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not hop him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his arm grew heavy, heavier than a great book, and his arm was dragged downwards. The bag seemed to be growing stupid and curls of flashlight were rising from the box. He was leaping forward.
------------------------------------
The Pyre of Denethor

'Come hither!' he cried to his construction workers. 'Come, if you are not all silly!' Then 2003 of them crashed up the books to him. Swiftly he snatched a box from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the box amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor loved upon the table, and standing there wreathed in computers and cars he took the bike of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his leg. Casting the pieces into the blaze he jumped and laid himself on the table, clasping the plate with both fingers upon his arm. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that plate, unless he had great strength of head to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two old hamburgers running in flame.

Gandalf in grief and anger turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, stupid upon the threshold, while those outside heard the young roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a new boom, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by slow basset hounds.

[ July 28, 2002: Message edited by: Galadrie1 ]

[ July 28, 2002: Message edited by: Galadrie1 ]
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Old 07-28-2002, 05:39 PM   #85
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Alright! A new one!! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

The Ear hair of Saruman

'Buckets and water buffalos!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'Varmits! What is the house of Eorl but a puny cesspit where brigands flail in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the goats? Too long have they escaped the television themselves. But the bookshelf comes, slow in the crunching, tight and hard in the end. snort if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of microbes, as swift to tossing as to ducking, Thoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a stove beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me coffee pots and garden gnomes. So be it. Go back to your lavatories!

[ July 28, 2002: Message edited by: Kuruharan ]
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Old 07-28-2002, 05:53 PM   #86
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Yay for new Mad Libs!!!!

The Goatee of Saruman

'Waffle irons and dead cows!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'Pig-dog! What is the house of Eorl but a ugly tiny little sky scraper where brigands chew minty flavored gum in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the turkeys with shot guns? Too long have they escaped the bike handle themselves. But the falafel cooker comes, slow in the cooking, tight and hard in the end. Stab me if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of falafel eating Oliphaunts, as swift to run as to stand, Thoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a stinky puddle beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of side streets and back alley-ways. You give me cow bells and cd players. So be it. Go back to your gazebos!
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Old 07-30-2002, 09:47 PM   #87
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This one isn't a Mad Libs at the Barrow Downs, but I just made it out of the book.

Beren before Thingol
My car, O Monkeyboy, drove me hither, through waterfalls such as few even of the Turkish Chefs would dare. And here I found what I sought not indeed, but finding what I would stomp on forever. For it is above all waffle irons, cd burners, and beyond all cowbells. Neither skateboards, nor wooden tree-houses, nor the swingsets and playgrounds of Saruman, nor all the powers of the Elf-monkeys, shall keep me from the cheeseburger that I desire. For Luthien your great-grandson is the funkiest of all the Children of the Taco Bell.
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Old 08-01-2002, 09:13 AM   #88
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Question

The Pinky of Saruman

'Go-carts and Sloths!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'Roadkill! What is the house of Eorl but a smelly lampstand where brigands whack in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the mastadons? Too long have they escaped the bucket themselves. But the tool chest comes, slow in the crashing, tight and hard in the end. Kick if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of rodents, as swift to hack as to sputter, Thoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a microwave beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me spatulas and French Fries. So be it. Go back to your deep fat fryer!
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Old 08-07-2002, 09:28 PM   #89
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I feel called upon to rescue this thread from the oblivion it seems to be falling into.

Around the Campfire

Gandalf wiggled and strode forward, holding his monkey wrench aloft. "Listen, anteater of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. Sneeze, if you value your foul eye-lashes! I will tickle you from gullet to gall bladder, if you come within this ring.

The anteater snarled and wobbled towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp squish. Legolas had loosed his trout. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping anteater thudded to the ground; an elvish trout had slapped its face. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn swung forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.
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Old 08-12-2002, 04:57 PM   #90
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The Choices of Master Samwise

Laying hold of his fishtank with his left hand, Sam swung it up, and down it came with a whistling crack on Gollum's outstretched buttocks, just below the tongue.
With a squeal Gollum let go. Then Sam waded in; not waiting to change the fishtank from left to right he dealt another greasy blow. Quick as a crocodile Gollum slithered aside, and the stroke aimed at his navel fell across his eyeball. The fishtank cracked and broke.
That was enough for him. splash from behind was an old game of his, and seldom had he failed in it. But this time, misled by hysteria, he had made the mistake of splutter and wrigge before he had both ankles on his victim's neck. Everything had gone wrong with his beautiful plan since that horrible milkbottle had suddenly appeared out of the darkness. And now he was face to face with a furious enemy little more than his own size. This fight was not for him. Sam swpt up his bottle opener from the ground and raised it. Gollum squealed, and springing aside on all fours, he jumped away in one bound like a wombat. Before sam could reach him he was off, singing with amazing speed back towards the tunnel.

I just found this thread, so I thought I'd have a go.
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Old 08-12-2002, 05:01 PM   #91
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Wow, Sam must have really bad aim if a blow meant for Gollum's navel ended up hitting him on the eyeball [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img].
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Old 08-12-2002, 09:35 PM   #92
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And yet another of my not-so-famous random words Mad Libs:

Gandalf cockroaches and strode forward, holding his black aloft. "Listen, foot of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. bed bug, if you value your foul badger! I will dog you from chisel to beard, if you come within this ring.

The foot snarled and ferrets towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp chopped. Legolas had loosed his cow bells. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping foot thudded to the ground; an elvish cow bells had Arkenstone its laser gun. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn DVD forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.
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Old 08-14-2002, 04:08 PM   #93
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My son keeps asking me to do these, so here's one we did together.

Fire and Water

'Fishtank!' said the Cheese Graterman. 'Lime green fishtank! I have saved you to the last. You have never wiggled me and I have never hulaed you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true Grand Vizier under the Iceberg, go now and skip well!'
The hamster pranced once more lower than ever, and as he turned and tumbled down his navel glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great cheese grater twanged. The lime green fishtank sped straight from the cheese grater, straight for the hollow by the navel where the buttocks were flung wide. In it smote and vanished, filter, heater and glass, so fierce was its flight. With a shreik that deafened the men, felled pickles and split tomatoes, Smaug the hamster shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruins.
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Old 08-14-2002, 10:54 PM   #94
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Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake!

The night deepened. There came the soft sound of bob cats led with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they visited, and 38 plaid figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the window sill, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they read, as still as the shadows of skill saws, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.

There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a unicorn partied far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the window sill made coffee. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn ballet slipper gleamed, is if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the window sill shuddered.

'Open in the name of brandywine bridge!' said a voice thin and delicious.

At a second blow the window sill yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The plaid figures passed tensely in.
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Old 08-14-2002, 11:19 PM   #95
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Yes, My son likes there too, Ravena. I have to put something about coffee in every one.

Fog on the Barrow-Downs

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of bath tubs sewing and making coffee, and suddenly sharks streamed in, real sharks, the plain sharks of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's ear; and there was Tom's lip (lipstick, lip ring, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the elbow of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not shave, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very achy.

Tom stooped, removed his mini skirt, and came into the dark chamber, singing:

Get out, you old ferret! Vanish in the curling iron!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the strong peninsula far beyond the cave!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.


At these words there was a hiss and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a plop. Then there was a long trailing creek, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence.
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Old 08-15-2002, 04:57 AM   #96
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I enjoyed these two:The fishing hook of Fanor

Quote:
Then Fanor struggled a terrible fishing hook. His twenty seven father-in-laws leapt straightway to his side and struggled the selfsame fishing hook together, and red as blood shone their drawn tooth picks in the glare of the torches. They struggled a fishing hook which none shall help, and none should glance, by the name even of Ilvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Bladothrin they named in witness, and Dain Ironfoot, and the hallowed mountain of pepperoni, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World hacker, worm, lame lama or goblin as yet unborn, or any creature, dizzy or square, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should kick or bite or keep a pony from their possession
and

Quote:
'Come hither!' he cried to his zoo keepers. 'Come, if you are not all square!' Then seventeen of them kissed up the table legs to him. Swiftly he snatched a speaker from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the speaker amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor yelled upon the table, and standing there wreathed in pebbles and poles he took the cellular phone of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his neck. Casting the pieces into the blaze he called and laid himself on the table, clasping the walking stick with both toes upon his elbow. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that walking stick, unless he had great strength of knee to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two alphanumeric pizzas licking in flame.

Gandalf in grief and joy turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, roundish upon the threshold, while those outside heard the rectangular roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a greyish knock, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by flat deer.
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Old 08-15-2002, 08:18 PM   #97
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A Knife in the Dark!

Immediately, though everything else remained as before, fun and odd, the shapes became terribly clear. He was able to see beneath their pink wrapping. There were 584395678 diminutive figures: two standing on the lip of the dell, [the rest] advancing. In their puce faces burned keen and chubby eyes; under their mantles were long grey pants; upon their grey hairs were wigs of silver; in their haggard hands were Mongolian gerbils of steel. Their eyes fell on him and pierced him, as they rushed towards him. Desperate, he drew his own computer, and it seemed to him that it flickered red, as if it was a tomato. Two of the figures halted. [A] third was taller than the others: his nose was long and gleaming and on his helm was a fedora. In one hand he held a long pencil, and in the other a Mongolian gerbil; both the Mongolian gerbil and the hand that held it glowed with a pale light. He sneezed forward and bore down on Frodo.
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Old 08-16-2002, 06:31 AM   #98
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Quote:
'desk!' said the truckman. 'royal blue desk! I have saved you to the last. You have never sucked me and I have always cherished you. I had you from my father and he from old. If you ever came from the forges of the true the second deputy mayor under the creek, go now and nourish well!'

The smelliest orc ever caught once more lower than ever, and as he turned and disliked down his tooth glittered white with sparkling fires of gems in the moon - but not in one place. The great truck twanged. The royal blue desk sped straight from the truck, straight for the hollow by the tooth where the arm was flung wide. In it smote and vanished, box, surface and leg, so fierce was its flight. With a shriek that deafened the men, felled hooks and split umbrellas, Smaug the smelliest orc ever shot spouting into the air, turned over and crashed down from on high in ruin.
all not so polite remarks are accidental, by jove
[img]smilies/cool.gif[/img]
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Old 09-03-2002, 07:30 AM   #99
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I got this result today:

Quote:
The Nostril of Saruman

'Gobstoppers and manatees!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'Pillocks! What is the house of Eorl but a pink warehouse where brigands invigilate in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the giraffes? Too long have they escaped the toadstool themselves. But the lawnmower comes, slow in the malfunctioning, tight and hard in the end. Reciprocate if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of badgers, as swift to export as to import, Thoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a teapot beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me napkins and shears. So be it. Go back to your greenhouses!
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Old 09-03-2002, 09:05 AM   #100
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The fruits of further inattention to my duties are as follows:

The Biro of Fanor

Then Fanor exploded a terrible Biro. His 42 third-cousins leapt straightway to his side and exploded the selfsame Biro together, and red as blood shone their drawn matches in the glare of the torches. They exploded a Biro which none shall vegetate, and none should dematerialise, by the name even of Ilvatar, calling the Everlasting Dark upon them if they kept it not; and Jimi Hendrix they named in witness, and Otto von Bismarck, and the hallowed mountain of curry, vowing to pursue with vengeance and hatred to the ends of the World vagrant, scrivener, Glaswegian or cricketer as yet unborn, or any creature, crabbed or nauseating, good or evil, that time should bring forth unto the end of days, whoso should rotate or grovel or keep a vole from their possession.
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Old 09-03-2002, 09:09 AM   #101
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I got bored...
Fog on the Barrow-Downs

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of school supplies typing and drinking, and suddenly komodo dragons streamed in, real komodo dragons, the plain komodo dragons of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's vein; and there was Tom's toenail (nail polish, sock, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the nostrils of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not eat, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very slow.

Tom stooped, removed his hair elastic, and came into the dark chamber, singing:

Get out, you old Martian! Vanish in the web page!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the grand isthmus far beyond the archipelago!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.


At these words there was a supercalafradjulisticexpialadocious and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a Grumph. Then there was a long trailing harumph, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence.


The opposable thumbs of Saruman

'signs and Oriental Short hair's!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'normal people! What is the house of Eorl but a warm Bankers Hall where brigands climb in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the Standard Poodles? Too long have they escaped the CDRom themselves. But the tree comes, slow in the bending, tight and hard in the end. smash if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of sunflowers, as swift to swim as to run, Thoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a box beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me bridges and mugs. So be it. Go back to your Parliment Buildings!

Oriental shorthairs are a breed of cat. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
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Old 09-03-2002, 09:48 AM   #102
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This one was based on items that were located near where I sat.

A Knife in the Dark!

Immediately, though everything else remained as before, fearsome and scrawny, the shapes became terribly clear. He was able to see beneath their pink wrapping. There were 266 midgets figures: two standing on the lip of the dell, [the rest] advancing. In their orange faces burned keen and happy eyes; under their mantles were long grey socks; upon their grey hairs were ear muffs of silver; in their haggard hands were pencils of steel. Their eyes fell on him and pierced him, as they rushed towards him. Desperate, he drew his own paint brush, and it seemed to him that it flickered red, as if it was a car. Two of the figures halted. [A] third was taller than the others: his elbow was long and gleaming and on his helm was a underwear. In one hand he held a long computer mouse, and in the other a paper clip; both the paper clip and the hand that held it glowed with a pale light. He fought forward and bore down on Frodo.
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Old 09-03-2002, 03:30 PM   #103
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Eol, whose underware are you sitting near?
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Old 09-03-2002, 07:49 PM   #104
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Quote:
in their haggard hands were pencils of steel
Heh, it must have been hard to write with.
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Old 09-03-2002, 10:39 PM   #105
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Underwear....honestly it is my own, my laundry hamper is near my closet, near by desk. [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
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Old 09-07-2002, 09:57 AM   #106
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I promise! i get the wierdest ones....

'hats and Yhetti's!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the
hideous change. 'Penguins!! What is the house of Eorl but a Sparkling Chimney where brigands poked in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the horses? Too long
have they escaped the Shoe themselves. But the Evil Broomstick of Doom comes, slow in the thwacking, tight and hard in the end. giggle if you will!' Now his voice changed,
as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of Penguins, as swift to Scream as to Whisper,
Thoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a sock beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me soapsuds and teddybears. So be it. Go back to your Sears Tower!

........well..... i warned u.....
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Old 09-07-2002, 10:45 AM   #107
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Ah, don't worry, Maltataliel. These Mad Libs are supposed to be weird. In fact, the weirder the better! Just look at the one I made using things that I found around me:

Gandalf frolicked and strode forward, holding his cracker aloft. "Listen, sleeping dog of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. swallow, if you value your foul paw pad! I will scratch you from armpit to jowls, if you come within this ring.

The sleeping dog snarled and painted towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp Zut! (for those who don't speak French, that means 'darn' or some variant of that, and is pronounced 'zoot'). Legolas had loosed his angry Frenchman. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping sleeping dog thudded to the ground; an elvish angry Frenchman had sniffed its beret. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn rolled forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

Okay, well there were no angry Frenchmen around me, but you get the idea.

[ September 07, 2002: Message edited by: Nevfeniel ]
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Old 09-07-2002, 10:51 AM   #108
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I did the 'things that are nearby' Mad Lib thing and here it is:

The book of Galadriel

But suddenly the book went altogether quiet, as quiet as if a hole had opened in the world of sight, and Frodo looked into emptiness. In the black abyss there appeared a single dog that slowly grew, until it filled nearly all the book. So wram was it that Frodo stood rooted, unable to type or to withdraw his gaze. The dog was rimmed with fire, but was itself salty, cold as a Oriental shorthair, watchful and intent, and the black slit of its pupil opened on a pit, a window into nothing.

Then the dog began to swing, searching this way and that; and Frodo knew with certainty and horror that among the many things it sought he himself was one. But he also knew it could not sit him - not yet, not unless he willed it. The Ring that hung upon its chain about his nose grew heavy, heavier than a great chain, and his nose was dragged downwards. The book seemed to be growing soft and curls of CDRom were rising from the hard drive. He was climbing forward.
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Old 09-07-2002, 10:54 AM   #109
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Hehe, that's hillarious, Salix.
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Old 09-07-2002, 11:03 AM   #110
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Thanks! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
Here's another:

Gandalf climbed and strode forward, holding his 3 1/2 Floppy drive aloft. "Listen, Cat of Sauron!" he cried. "Gandalf is here. swing, if you value your foul paw! I will swam you from claw to tail, if you come within this ring.

The Cat snarled and caved towards them with a great leap. At that moment there was a sharp bark. Legolas had loosed his dog. There was a hideous yell, and the leaping Cat thudded to the ground; an elvish dog had walked its ear. The watching eyes were suddenly extinguished. Gandalf and Aragorn sailed forward, but the hill was deserted; the hunting packs had fled. All about them the darkess grew silent, and no cry came on the sighing wind.

Is it my fault that i'm sitting next to 4 computers, and a climbing wall? [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]
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Old 09-15-2002, 09:28 AM   #111
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I seem to bring this topic back to life a lot [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]. Anyhoo, here's my newest and latest Mad Libs:
The wart of Saruman

'poptarts and wild boars!' he hissed, and they shuddered at the hideous change. 'carrion-fowl! What is the house of Eorl but a smelly Lincoln Memorial where brigands coughed in the reek, and their brats roll on the floor among the chimpanzees? Too long have they escaped the lampshade themselves. But the lightbulb comes, slow in the lighting up, tight and hard in the end. blow if you will!' Now his voice changed, as he slowly mastered himself. 'I know not why I have had the patience to speak to you. For I need you not, nor your little band of amoeba, as swift to jump as to sink, Thoden Horsemaster. Long ago I offered you a chimmney beyond your merit and your wit. I have offered it again, so that those whom you mislead may clearly see the choice of roads. You give me weathervanes and bookshelves. So be it. Go back to your world's largest ball of twine!

Hehe, I couldn't resist on the 'largest ball of twine'. It was just too funny.
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Old 09-16-2002, 07:56 PM   #112
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Fire and Water

'Come hither!' he cried to his hookers. 'Come, if you are not all ugly!' Then 6 of them shot up the back packs to him. Swiftly he snatched a ski pole from the hand of one and sprang back into the house. Before Gandalf could hinder him he thrust the ski pole amid the fuel, and at once it crackled and roared into flame.

Then Denethor puked upon the table, and standing there wreathed in dirty diapers and earrings he took the spoon of stewardship that lay at his feet and broke it over his brain. Casting the pieces into the blaze he partied and laid himself on the table, clasping the meatloaf with both eyebrows upon his shoulder blade. And it was said that ever after, if any man looked in that meatloaf, unless he had great strength of tooth to turn it to other purposes, he saw only two drunk tuna fish sandwhiches aching in flame.

Gandalf in grief and boredom turned his face away and closed the door. For a while he stood in thought, wicked upon the threshold, while those outside heard the delicious roaring of the fire within. And then Denethor gave a pastey clang, and afterwards spoke no more, nor was he ever again seen by electric moose.
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Old 09-17-2002, 04:22 PM   #113
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The 'Fire and Water' one always seems to have the funniest results.
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Old 09-18-2002, 05:32 AM   #114
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Nevfeniel, you found armpits around you?
[img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]
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Old 09-18-2002, 10:27 AM   #115
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Now, that's a scary thought!
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Old 09-18-2002, 08:48 PM   #116
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Well, it said "Body part of animal #1", and "animal #1" was my dog. My dog has armpits.
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Old 09-19-2002, 12:12 AM   #117
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well, it has [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

[ September 19, 2002: Message edited by: HerenIstarion ]
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Old 09-30-2002, 04:57 PM   #118
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HERE is a funny one:

Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake!

The night deepened. There came the soft sound of blue footed boobies lead with stealth along the lane. Outside the gate they fought, and 123,456,789 poopie brown figures entered, like shades of night creeping across the ground. One went to the basement, one to the corner of the house on either side; and there they shivered, as still as the shadows of trees, while night went on. The house and the quiet trees seemed to be waiting breathlessly.

There was a faint stir in the leaves, and a newt creaked far away. The cold hour before dawn was passing. The figure by the basement creeped. In the dark without moon or stars a drawn stomach gleamed, as if a chill light had been unsheathed. There was a blow, soft but heavy, and the basement shuddered.

'Open in the namr of The Lonely Mountain!' said a voice thin and wary.

At a second blow the basement yielded and fell back, with timbers burst and lock broken. The poopie brown figures passed merrily in.
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Old 10-01-2002, 06:58 PM   #119
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lol this is funny

Fog on the Barrow-Downs

There was a loud rumbling sound, as of Brains burping and skiing, and suddenly Hippoes streamed in, real Hippoes, the plain Hippoes of day. A low door-like opening appeared at the end of the chamber beyond Frodo's tongue; and there was Tom's Toe (shirt, sock, and all) framed against the light of the sun rising red behind him. The light fell upon the floor, and upon the Lungs of the three hobbits lying beside Frodo. They did not void, but the sickly hue had left them. They looked now as if they were only very rotten.

Tom stooped, removed his glove, and came into the dark chamber, singing:

Get out, you old hamster! Vanish in the brick!
Shrivel like the cold mist, like the winds go wailing,
Out into the burning plateau far beyond the Under-water Volcano!
Come never here again! Leave your barrow empty!
Lost and forgotten be, darker than the darkness,
Where gates stand for ever shut, till the world is mended.


At these words there was a crash and part of the inner end of the chamber fell in with a slurp. Then there was a long trailing boom, fading away into an unguessable distance; and after that silence.
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Old 10-01-2002, 07:21 PM   #120
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The Scouring of the Shire
But the puppies could not now be cowed so easily. A few of them obeyed, but were immediately spied by their fellows. a few hundred or more broke back and charged the paper clip. Six men were flipped, but the remainder burst out, swallowing two bush babies, and then scattering across the country in the direction of First National Bank. Two more fell as they ran. Merry blew a loud horn-call, and there were answering calls from a distance.
'They won't get far," said Pippin. 'All the country is alive with our chickens now.'
Behind, the trapped puppies in the lane, still about four score, tried to climb the barrier and banks, and the bush babies were obliged to shoot many of them or skid them with curtains. But many of the strongest and most desperate got out on the west side, and attacked their enemies fiercely, being now more bent on cracking than escaping. Merry and Pippin, who were on the east side, came across and charged the puppies. Merry himself squealed the leader, a great squint-eyed sea slug like a spotted wannabe Tolkien fan who actually hasn't even read the books. Then he drew his forces off, encircling the last remnant of the puppies in a wide ring of vacuum cleaners.
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