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Old 09-07-2022, 06:08 PM   #1
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Thumbs up Rings of Power is Perfect--Bezos is Better than CT!

Extra, extra, read all about it! Spoiler warnings ahoy! The Rings of Power have begun to drop and it is good stuff. After a sere decade with nothing more salacious than The Fall of Gondolin (boring!) or The Nature of Middle-earth (not enough about Elven reproduction, if you know what I mean), at last we're returning to the glory days of the Peter Jackson era, but even better! Did you think there was just too much... how shall I say this? Tolkien? Too much Tolkien in PJ's movies? Well, you're in luck: there's very little to be faithless to here!

It's glorious. If you loved Frodo dying [edit: "going to the West"], we get some Straight Road to remind you of that. If you loved Thranduil's Moose, have we got antlers for you. There's a dagger for all you knife-lovers (remember, Galadriel may never wield a sword in canon, but the canon is tellingly silent about knives!). Fëanor appears as a precocious bully.

What do YOU think the best parts of the new show are? Personally, I like how simple that names are--I don't think I've really needed a diaresis yet! Chime in with yours.







FINE PRINT LEGALESE: THIS THREAD IS IN MIDDLE-EARTH MIRTH BECAUSE IT IS A PARODY: BUT ALSO, IT IS FUN: MAKE UP WHATEVER NONSENSE YOU LIKE! DISLIKING--OR LIKING--SOMETHING NEEDN'T BE DOUR.
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Old 09-08-2022, 12:09 AM   #2
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White Tree It's my 2,222th post! I like half of you half as well as I should like, and

This is the MOST MEDIA EVER and I hope they make a RINGSOFPOWERILLION dollars, but I do think they revealed the "Halbrand is Beruthiel" twist a little early, they could have made that last quite a few more episodes. But the sword fight as the raft broke apart while swirling down into the giant whirlpool was pretty epic. I'm glad that it was established that elves can hold their breaths indefinitely, that will preemptively answer a whole lot of questions going forward.

Gil-Galad's interpretive dance brought me to tears and I'm not surprised it made Elrond kill all those people, it was just that powerful. And it was a great origin for Elrond's catchphrase "Men? Men are weak." CHILLS, y'all!

Moria was really awesome, dwarves and balrogs living together in harmony. Gothmog seems to love his balloons doesn't he? Almost as much as Durin III loves to keep sharp pointy objects everywhere, ha ha ha! What innocent fun!




I'll post a few predictions here that were getting too silly...I mean, TOO ACCURATE AND REAL for the Movies thread - if there's a better thread for them I'll move them -



We will not see any incidents of shield surfing until after the Fall of Numenor. Not because of any law, but simply because of a series of coincidences and butterfly effects that prevent it just before it happens.


I kind of hope that The Stranger is Saruman, and he has an almost rebellious teenager-ish time with the Harfootsies, getting into all kinds of juvenile trouble, aided and abetted by his mind of metal and wheels until he's seen by someone like Radagast, who thinks he's uncool, and then totally overcompensates by turning his back on the wide world and focuses on whatever the Middle-Earth equivalent of stock trading and land development is. (Probably trading of literal kine-stock and literal land development) He may say some cutting and rude things to someone who is later revealed to be Smeagol's grandmother, who becomes a bitter, backstabbing person.



We'll see more comets. Radagast will land somewhere in the woods, his comet will bounce amusingly for some time, crack open just like an egg and he'll imprint on the first thing he sees, which will be a rabbit. Alatarcomet and Pallandocomet will knock into each other mid-flight and fly screaming off into the sunrise, never to be seen again.



Elrond will grow his hair out - probably due to being too busy for haircuts while helping Celebrimbor at the forges. The weird "elf lords only" snipe seems to be an early indicator of some sort of racial purity push that will happen as a result of Sauron somehow - Elrond will be forced into exile, a subplot will be him founding Imladris and he will disappear for a few episodes until he unexpectedly shows up at the Last Alliance with a bunch of wood elves and/or men who refused to fight for Isildur/Gil-Galad, just in time to stab an orc that was just about to skewer Gil-Galad from behind. It'll be one of those hackneyed scenes where this particular orc is gloating before going in for the kill like some sort of dumb-dumb, only to be cut short, its only purpose to shield Elrond's new hair and wardrobe change from view for a moment before its carcase falls. No explanations will be given or demanded by the characters and Gil-Galad and Elrond will share a knowing glance and maybe clasp hands or forearms, before continuing to fight.



I really really hope that at some point it turns into "The Celebrimbor and Narvi show" and they have all kinds of cool adventures, like when Celebrimbor almost invents shield surfing but is stopped by Narvi, who isn't quite as drunk and uses the shield to bash open the cellar door behind which they were trapped while sneaking off to get more ale. Celebrimbor steps up when Narvi gets into a pickle with some kind of mithril-and-ale fuelled animatron that he can't stop, Celebrimbor tosses the dwarf-mecha off the bridge of Khazad-Dum, where it doesn't stop but keeps slowly digging deeper....and deeper.....and deeper..........and deeper.....................................one might almost say "greedily".



Halbrand (Raftwurst) will turn out to be Elendil who was trying to go on some sort of journey to "find himself" - the Elendil currently gadding about Numenor is one white and nine black cats in a trenchcoat. Isildur suspects something but Anarion doesn't, and there is much amusement as Isildur lays increasingly complicated traps (all Acmë brand) to catch the cats, and somehow proves Anarion right every time. The real Elendil will come home to his family and favorite trench coat having learned the greatest lesson of them all - "If you never say hello, you won't have to say goodbye!"



And the person who finally shield surfs will of course be Tom Bombadil, in his only appearance.
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Old 09-08-2022, 04:00 AM   #3
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I want to talk about this orc digging randomly underneath the citizens of Tirharad's floorboards. It appeared to be a lone orc so I imagine it was part of a convoy that just got lost. Where did all the orcs go, wondered Gil-galad? Well obviously, under people's floorboards. "That's not a sink hole, kid, it's an orc fortress."

I'm glad the orcs (well at least this one) had a gym membership to Mordor Fitness. I wonder if Sauron gave out free memberships in the beginning? Must have been too costly to keep it going in the Third Age? But this orc was jacked. It chucked a table across the room like a sack of feathers.

Orcs need more development than just cannon fodder to fill Dark Lords armies. I mean this isn't a game (*glares at Legolas and Gimli*). Or Hurin just cutting down countless of them like a hot knife through warm butter. I suppose Saruman's orcs took down the great warrior, Boromir, but they stood back and shot arrows at a man who forgot his shield. That doesn't count in my opinion. If they went at him fair and square he could have chopped through 100 of them seeing how easily Legolas and Gimli went through what 45? 46?
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Old 09-08-2022, 07:11 AM   #4
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Let's talk about The Hotman, aka The Meteor Man. Though I am not sure how much of this should I post here in case some of it turns out to be true after all...

I have mentioned elsewhere, with 90% seriousness, that it would be great if he turned out to be The Balrog after all. It comes about like thus: one day, after having lived together with the Harfoots for years, he is finally trusted with preparing the cooking fire for the tribe and accidentally sets himself on fire. Ashamed of himself, he runs away from the tribe, hiding by burrowing deep under the roots of the mountains, thus setting a precedent for all future pariahs, but also giving the Harfoots an idea for a more permanent settlement. Centuries later, the legend of the Burning Man travels among all the Little Folk of Middle-Earth, reaching the ears of young Sméagol who sees a kindred soul and embarks on a search, only digging in the wrong part of the Misty Mountains.

ANOTHER option that, I swear, I seriously considered for perhaps five minutes, is that the Meteor Man turns out to be Tom Bombadil. There is not really much to contradict that possibility aside from a few sentences by Tom himself about how he's the oldest of all - likely a poetic metaphor or a self-aggrandizing exaggeration anyway (besides, could not really be true unless he were Eru himself, right?). Sticking close to Hobbits in the future, weird association with "wild" lifestyle, the fact that he speaks in annoying rhymes and songs that clearly stems from the fact that he learned speech from a bunch of silly crazy rabbit-like hunter-gatherers... Does this not make sense?

(Yeah... I am still not sure if this is entirely cut for this thread. It is not that far from being objectively plausible.)
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Old 09-08-2022, 01:32 PM   #5
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We will not see any incidents of shield surfing until after the Fall of Numenor. Not because of any law, but simply because of a series of coincidences and butterfly effects that prevent it just before it happens.
Shield-surfing? Bah, that's so 2002! We now have sword-stepping, which is so much flashier! Galadriel will probably level up at some time and unlock the perk for dagger-stepping, and later still... bowstring-stepping? Smokering-stepping? The possibilities!

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Elrond will grow his hair out - probably due to being too busy for haircuts while helping Celebrimbor at the forges. The weird "elf lords only" snipe seems to be an early indicator of some sort of racial purity push that will happen as a result of Sauron somehow - Elrond will be forced into exile, a subplot will be him founding Imladris and he will disappear for a few episodes until he unexpectedly shows up at the Last Alliance with a bunch of wood elves and/or men who refused to fight for Isildur/Gil-Galad, just in time to stab an orc that was just about to skewer Gil-Galad from behind. It'll be one of those hackneyed scenes where this particular orc is gloating before going in for the kill like some sort of dumb-dumb, only to be cut short, its only purpose to shield Elrond's new hair and wardrobe change from view for a moment before its carcase falls. No explanations will be given or demanded by the characters and Gil-Galad and Elrond will share a knowing glance and maybe clasp hands or forearms, before continuing to fight.
This is actually very likely to happen, except Elrond will now be Hugo Weaving (digitally de-aged by a few millennia) revealing that the other Elrond is actually an impostor android substituted for him by the Dwarves durin/g his last stay in Hazard-Doom for the purposes of some hidden agenda, like, I dunno... probably something to do with cheese.

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I want to talk about this orc digging randomly underneath the citizens of Tirharad's floorboards. It appeared to be a lone orc so I imagine it was part of a convoy that just got lost. Where did all the orcs go, wondered Gil-galad? Well obviously, under people's floorboards. "That's not a sink hole, kid, it's an orc fortress."
One of the big reveals in this show is going to be that it was never Sauron who corrupted the orcs - it was the Dwarves who bred them as slaves to dig and burrow through lesser matter than stone which they feel is beneath their dignity. Their evil plan is to turn all of Middle-earth into one huge Swiss cheese (see above), and future episodes will feature orcs coming out of the woodwork everywhere, mounted on giant cockroaches.
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Old 09-08-2022, 05:44 PM   #6
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I can't wait for more Conanbrimbor! How is he not covered in burns everywhere? Except his hands, got to keep the nails nice. It doesn't matter. I don't care. More Conanbrimbor, please? All the shirtless dwarves in the forges (can't have a panzy elf showing them up!) is great telly.

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Old 09-09-2022, 11:04 PM   #7
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Leaf

Oh wow, episode 3 is an episode for the ages! I can't believe they killed Sauron already! He never stood a chance against the entire Harfoot clan! The way the converged with their cudgels and spears chanting "Nobody walks alone, NOBODY LEAVES ALIVE" was soooo creepy!



The scene where.....you know, THAT scene.........between Galadriel and Halbrandwurst......yeah I'm not sure I liked that. I suppose it was necessary to set up for the......OTHER scene but...yeesh. Leave SOMETHING to the imagination, will you?



The visual differences between Numenor and Oldmenor were really well done, kudos to whoever outsourced the CGI to overworked and underpaid non-union labor.


I hope Arondil doesn't snitch on the budding romance between the unnamed orc and entwife. That wooden't be very nice. He ought to branch out, start to be-leaf in something beautiful, even if a happy ending in these times is just mapleleaf. Let them have their time together, there will be time enough fir them to pine before they must em-bark upon the dark stream up which there is no re-rowan. Okay I'm logging off for now.
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Old 09-14-2022, 09:14 PM   #8
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I think you've all missed a big element in Episode 3. In a fantastic move which ties together all three Ages of Middle-earth and references multiple works from Tolkien's published and unpublished materials to Jackson's most iconic movie scenes, the tunnels in the episode clearly hint at the existence of WEREWORMS! We will likely get a glimpse of said creatures closer to the season finale. Stay tuned for Middle-earth's most iconic and canonical monsters!
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Old 09-16-2022, 03:42 AM   #9
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Episode 4 "The Great Wave" - Fantastic episode. The spectators in Armenna's Coliseum started the longest wave recorded in history. A record that still holds true today.

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Queen Regent Míriel’s faith is tested; Isildur finds himself at a crossroads; Elrond uncovers a secret; Arondir is given an ultimatum; Theo disobeys Bronwyn.
Isildur finds himself at a crossroads. No literally he's standing in the middle of a crossroad. That's his scene.

Elrond uncovers a secret, uncovering Gil-galad's covers, uncovering Gil-galad has bed bugs.

Bronwyn tells Theo to get rid of the sword. Theo says no.
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Old 09-16-2022, 10:23 PM   #10
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Well I didn't expect Halbrand to be Ulmo, that's for dang sure. Though him meeting Galadriel on the sea and wanting to stay on an island that is soon due to be under the sea does make sense if you really, really, really think about it. No, harder.


Sadly, my hopes for the Celebrimbor & Narvi show are not to be. I am so sad I can't even joke about it.


I'll have to turn to the words of Show Galadriel to comfort me: "Why are you crying? WHY ARE YOU CRYING? Are you some kind of weak-willed yellow-bellied namby-pamby IDIOT? I'll give you something to cry about!"


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The spectators in Armenna's Coliseum started the longest wave recorded in history.
This is where the show's timeline vs. the appendixes has diverted the most, as doing the wave wasn't invented until Boromir son of Denethor invented disco.
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Old 09-17-2022, 06:45 AM   #11
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Galadriel plays the Karen "I need to speak to your manager" act superbly. She really got into the role, even getting the proper haircut from Isildur to pull it off!
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Old 09-18-2022, 09:12 AM   #12
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I mentioned this elsewhere, but I am thrilled that they did not shy away from showing warg nipples. All six of them! It was also a clever subtle way to hint at where the Orcs are getting their nutrition, especially calcium, from. I am looking forward to seeing the Orc dairy farms in the subsequent episodes, with hundreds of wargs.

Of course that is not the only direction this could go. Maybe it will offer a more nuanced portrayal of the Orcs, not just like the evil species that uses other beings, but maybe Orcs who care for mother warg who in turn cares for her little ones, and we could see her breastfeeding the little warglings. That would serve to remind the audience that breastfeeding is something completely natural and thus does not need to be censored, even among wargs.

On a different note, I also appreciate laying the grounds for the Hobbits' eventual motivation to bring down Sauron. I think that was one of the things Tolkien omitted: it was never properly explained why Frodo et al. should care if Sauron stands and falls. But this prequel is making it all clear. Sauron had lived with the Harfoots for a time. The destruction of his Ring shall be the Hobbits' revenge for his rude interruption of the Harfoot lifestyle, breaking their wagon, refusing to fix uncle Otho's leg and setting their Book on fire. If there has ever been well-written retconning, this is one!
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Old 09-23-2022, 11:17 PM   #13
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What else can I sing the praises of this week except for Elendil's mighty helmet? The wings of which will surely carry the tall ships and tall kings, three times three, divided by two, add a couple, carry the one, straight to Middle Earth? Earendil wishes that Vingelot could take him as high as Elendil's Helm can take Elendil himself. Well were Bronwyn & Arondil & company to fear the shadow of the Oncoming Helm, the mere rumor of which is enough to make Morgoth himself quake in his unspecified footwear. If ever Gorthol of Bar-en-Danwedh were to catch sight of the Helmendil well then he might cry. And well he might. And so well might we all.



















*is the third ruler Miriel or Isildur? Is Elendil technically a king yet? The world may never know...
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