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Old 06-05-2002, 01:37 PM   #401
Nevfeniel
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Sauron *looking at the palatir*- What the...
*he sees Saruman doing a commercial*
Saruman- If I'm Saruman of Many Colors, I want my many colors to look their best. That's why I use Tide. It's safe on colors! *cheesy grin*
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Consider the purr a variety of audible tranquilizer. [. . .] For a few of us, there is one more purr, a secret purr. When we combine our secret purrs, we produce the Purr of Power. And that is simply the amplified amity we feel as furred and purred beings.
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Old 06-05-2002, 01:50 PM   #402
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Silmaril

*Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin are roughing it through the Wild*

Aragorn: "Guys, you're walking too fast! I'm worn out. Let's have a rest."

Frodo: "But Strider, we rested ten minutes ago! At this rate we'll never reach Rivendell!"

Pippin: "Yes, according to my calculations, at our present rate we will reach Elrond's lodgings at precisely 5:00 pm two hundred and twenty days from now."

Aragorn: *pouts* "I don't care. I'm not walking any farther for at least half an hour." *crashes on the grass and starts snoring*

Merry: *stares at map* "According to the map and Sam's travel log, we camped at this precise location a month ago!"

Sam: "You must be joking. Even Strider isn't that bad a guide!"

Aragorn: *sits up* "Well, you guys keep going on and on about rings, so I thought we'd travel in one to go along with the theme. Surprise!"

*the Hobbits start at him with gaping mouths*

Frodo: "You mean to tell me that we've been traveling in a circle for the past thirty days?!?" *lunges at Aragorn, but Pippin and Merry hold him back*

Sam: "Let go of Mr. Frodo!" *jumps on Pippin's back and pulls on his hair*

*Hobbits fight among themselves until they hear Aragorn wailing*

Merry: "Stop crying, you big baby!"

Aragorn: "I just wanted to help and you guys yelled at me!" *blows nose and sniffles*

Frodo: "Ok, ok, we forgive you. Now lets get going or we'll never reach Rivendell!"

Aragorn: "You expect me to walk in my condition? I need at least an hour to calm my poor nerves!"

*Hobbits sigh and have an early second breakfast*
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Old 06-08-2002, 04:40 PM   #403
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Arwen: Aragorn, dear, I really don't think our relationship is working out. Honestly, how do you expect me to memorize all those names you have for yourself?

Legolas: Daddy, don't make me join the fellowship on their journey! It sounds too scary!

Eowyn: Aaahh! A Nazgul! Help me!

Aragorn: Why rescue Merry and Pippin? Let's just go straight to Minas Tirith. They were annoying little hobbits anyway.

Ugluk: Ah, don't worry little halfing. I won't let anything happen to you. You're too cute to torture.

Sam: I hate elves! They're hideous and way too snobby.

Sauron: Oh Well, I never really wanted that ring after all.

Galadriel: Screw this whole passing the test thing! Give me the ring now!

Gimli: Eww! Hair? You give Merry and Pippin silver belts, but you give me a couple strands of your hair? I deserve more than that!

Nazgul: I'm tired of running around Middle-earth looking for that stupid ring. Why don't get some sleep instead?

Boromir: Who said that I wanted the ring? Destroy it! Quickly!

Gandalf to the Balrog: Alright, I'll let you pass this one time. Just promise you won't hurt any of my friends across the bridge.

Frodo: The Sackville-Baggins are so nice and fun to be around! I can't wait to see them again!
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Old 06-15-2002, 01:37 PM   #404
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Saruman to Gandalf: you must join with me, Obi Wan, together we will destroy the sith!
Gandalf: tell me, my dear friend, when did Saruman the wise forsake reason for madness? dost though not see? it is I! Gandalf! I think I should get you to a doctor!

Sam: Gollum is so cool! I love the way he smells! he's so nice to master frodo!

Gandalf: good, pippin, good dog! sit... sit boy, sit! good dog!
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Old 06-15-2002, 07:27 PM   #405
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Silmaril

Arwen to Elrond: " Oi pops, I hope you snuff it!" (If anyone but a Britisher or someone who has heard or read that phrase before knows what it means)

[ June 15, 2002: Message edited by: Alakwilaiel ]
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Old 06-20-2002, 07:00 AM   #406
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This is hard because you really really have to think about what your are going to write to write something good!! [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]
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Old 06-22-2002, 11:37 PM   #407
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Legosa-"I hate you" Hence Kalasins Rant
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I 'lr en l luitha 'uren. The song of the star enchants my heart
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Old 06-24-2002, 02:35 PM   #408
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Frodo:Here you go Nazgul, I give you this ring to take to Sauron so he can rule all of Middle-earth.

Gimli:Oh well, I never liked him anyways.(Mines of Moria)

[img]smilies/eek.gif[/img] [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]
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Old 07-03-2002, 07:46 PM   #409
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Aragorn [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]in council of Elrond during Boromir's speech) *cough*loser*cough*

Galadriel [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]as the Fellowship leaves Lothlorien) *holds up her hand in a farewell gesture and spreads her index and middle finger away from her ring and pinky in a V-shape* (star trek? jeez u people)

Arwen [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]what she WOULD say to the ringwraiths) Now lets see here, first we have to deal with your whole "black creepy guy look"...

Gandalf's hat [img]smilies/frown.gif[/img]at the gate of Moria) Griffindor!

(i spend too much time with my harry potter-loving friends)
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Old 07-03-2002, 07:47 PM   #410
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Ok, whoops! every time i tried to type a : and then parenthesis, i didnt put a space. so they all turned out as sad faces. whoops!
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Old 07-14-2002, 11:23 PM   #411
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Ents: Trees? I thought you said those were bees!!
okay not so funny but hey!
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Old 07-15-2002, 07:01 AM   #412
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Hey! What's the betting that this one's already been done? [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
owyn- Feminism? Pfft! I just want to stay home and work on my needlepoint. I definitely don't want to go out into a battle. I might muss up my hair or break a nail. Besides, a woman's place is at home, especially in the kitchen. When the man comes home, he's supposed to have a meal ready for him, or else her duty has failed.

[ July 15, 2002: Message edited by: Nevfeniel ]
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Old 07-15-2002, 07:23 AM   #413
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I don't think i could add anything even remotely funny to this board, you are all very amusing
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Old 07-15-2002, 01:37 PM   #414
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Ring

Faramir:What?This arrow that's poisoned me?No,it doesn't hurt one bit!

Frodo:You mean that Sauron has sent out all of his orcs,sent out the nine ringswraiths and put silent watchers in his fortress,just so he can get his hands on this little peice of round gold?What a loser!Han't he got better things to do?

Gandalf:Ooh goodie-we've got a plantir...hey wait!This is a real glass marble!

Pippin:Why did Gandalf change his colour to white?He could have at least used a cood colour,like pink. [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]
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Old 07-15-2002, 06:28 PM   #415
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Sam: Ooh! Yay! A boat ride!

Pippin: Merry, do I eat too much? My pants have been feeling a little too tight lately and I was just wondering.

Eowyn: Why would I marry YOU, Faramir? I'd rather marry Frodo! He saved all of Middle-earth, and what did you do? Nothing nearly as important!

Aragorn: How OLD are you anyways, Gandalf?

Boromir (after being struck by an arrow): You shot me! What did you do that for, Lurtz? What did I ever do to you? *bursts into tears*

Galadriel: Hello! You must be the Fellowship of the Ring! It's a pleasure to meet you! I hope you have had a safe and pleasant journey so far! BTW, where's Gandalf?
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Old 07-16-2002, 11:10 AM   #416
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Bilbo:Frodo,how could you?I gave you that rings out of the goodness of my heart,and what do you do with it?You melt it!This is the last time you inherit anything from me!
Frodo:But Bilbo-that's what we went for.Gandalf told me the ring was dangerous!
Gandlaf:What's that?You actually take notice of what I say?*rolls around on floor laughing*It was all a joke!*rolls around some more* [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]
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Old 07-16-2002, 11:22 AM   #417
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Tolkien

I don't think I could come up with anything even REMOTELY funny compared to all of these. Oh, and Thulorongil, HILARIOUS about that Harry Potter thing. {Yes, I have seen the movie.} But don't tell my friends, they will think I'm am a complete freak!! Of course, they think LOTR is stupid too. Oh well. {Their loss} [img]smilies/wink.gif[/img]
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Old 07-16-2002, 01:46 PM   #418
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I am looking for adventure.
Successful businessman seeks new challenge. Fed up with hum drum existence. Would like to join any arduous expedition heading to dangerous parts. Please contact personally [NO LETTERS].

Barliman Butterbur
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Old 07-16-2002, 05:31 PM   #419
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  • Legolas Greenleaf (or Orlando Bloom...) : *burps* Good brewski, man! Mmm, who's that hot mama cita? *burps the alphabet and crushes can against head*

    lol

    Frodo: Sam, I hate you.
    Sam: What? I'm not sorry, but I was off not helping you.

    Frodo (or Elijah Wood...) : I am MAN! *flexes muscles*

    Arwen: Daddy! I need help! How am I supposed to fend for myself, I'm only a girl! *cries*

    Aragorn: Dude, I know what I want to do! Instead of being king and marrying Arwie Baby, I'm gonna marry Sauron! (no idea where that came from... *slightly scared of self* )

    Sorry if those have been done already, but I don't care. I'll post more when I think of them.
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Old 07-16-2002, 05:35 PM   #420
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I just about died of laughter when reading the Harry potter one! ...So Gandy should be in Gryff, not Slyth?...
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Old 07-16-2002, 05:58 PM   #421
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Ok, here's one!
  • *in the scene at The Prancing Pony from FOTR*

    Mysterious Stranger: Wee lad, d'you know a Frodo Bagginseseses?
    Pip: *in perfect english* No. I am sorry, but I do not know a Mister Baggins.
    Strider: I know a Baggins! He's the guy with the magic ring! 'Doh!
lol, so true...
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Old 07-16-2002, 07:00 PM   #422
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Silmaril

That Legolas burping one was funny!!! (I love your quote from Nickelback!!!!!! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] )
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Old 07-16-2002, 10:51 PM   #423
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<font color=#00EE76> <font size=4>Thank you! hehehe, the Leggy one is part of a wet-dream in a story I'm writing... When it's published, I'll let you shell out money to read the rest! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]

[ July 17, 2002: Message edited by: Uialellethwen ]
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Old 07-16-2002, 11:58 PM   #424
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  • Saruman (to Gandy) : Gandalf, my friend, I know absolutely nothing of the great evil that has obviously come from the Land of Shadow.
    Gandy: Really, friend?
    Saru: Yes... Oh, before I forget, I found one of the palantirs-
    Gandy: A palantir? Oh, many years have passed... All this time it has been right here infront of my very own over-sized-novelty nose?!?
    Saru: Maybe you need to destroy it. So how's Hobbiton? And Bilbo's party?
    Gandy: The Ring... I MUST HAVE IT! *grabs palantir and runs away. No break dancing takes place.*
    Saru: Hhm? All right then. *goes back to watching Martha Stewart and baking cookies and pies*
I'd add more, but my brain's dead from lack of sleep. I'm going to turn in now.
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Old 07-17-2002, 09:23 PM   #425
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Elrond to Frodo: I HATE this place, this zoo, this prison, this reality, whatever you want to call it. I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink. And every time I do I feel I have somehow been infected by it. It's repulsive, isn't it? I must get out of here. I must get free and what you have is the ring, my ring. Once Lorien is destroyed there is no need for me to be here, don't you understand? I need the ring. I have to get inside Mordor, and you have to tell me how. You're going to tell me or you're going to die.

(hehe, the Matrix is one of my favorites, right up there with LOTR)
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Old 07-19-2002, 07:36 AM   #426
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Nazgul- "I told you, there were only eight black horses. Now shut up and keep pedaling."
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Old 07-19-2002, 11:17 AM   #427
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Aragorn:*yawns* I'm tired of following those damn hobbits everywhere!
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Old 07-19-2002, 12:48 PM   #428
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Silmaril

*Legolas sneaking up to gimli at night with a razorblade*
Legolas: HEHEHE
*Gimli wakes up*
Gimli: I dont have the ring Frodo has it, kill him instead
Legolas: i was not going to kill you, just shave your beard * holding up the razorblade with a smile*

*Sam is standing in the front of the boat on their way leaving Lothlrien. holds his arms up, the wind is blowing in his hair..*
Sam: Frodo Im flying Im flying
Aragorn: sit down sam, sit down, i cant see
*the boat crashes into a stone and the unsinkable boat starts to sink*


Legolas: stop, stop, stay, wait for me i think i to stop and eat. i`m Staarving
Pippin: oh come on Legolas we just finished our THEIRD breakfast. how many more do you want?
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Old 07-20-2002, 09:18 AM   #429
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Sting

Theese may have been posted before, I have not had the mind to read them all.

Merry & Pippin: "Oh Sugar Grishnak, save us from those savages! Carry oss away in those big, strong, muscly arms... Its that Chanel you are wearing?"

Legolas (as he appears before Manw in Aman): "And here is Gimli, son of Gloin. He is my dear longlost... friend"

Rose Cotton: "Galadriel, Sam is MINE, please stop sneaking him little lovepresents you *****"

Gimli: "Galadriel, sure theese lembas are OK? No surprise hairthreads in them I hope?"

[ July 20, 2002: Message edited by: greywind ]
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Old 07-20-2002, 08:12 PM   #430
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Pippin: What's that?!
Merry: This my friend is a pint
Pippin: It comes in pints!! Big whoop [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img]

*When Frodo and Sam encounter a nazgul
Sam: Don't you leave him Samwise Gamgee, and it's really hard not to.
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Old 07-20-2002, 08:35 PM   #431
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Tolkien

Ok these probably arent that funny and sorry if theyve already been posted:

Frodo: Oops I brought the wrong ring
Legolas: Oh no I got a zit, Gimli I need my concelear back
Legolas: I'm tired and I need my beauty sleep
Nazgul *sings: I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul, I wanna make you happy
Sam to Frodo: Is it true that you've just been using me? This relationship is SO over
Legolas to Gimli: You know I never did like you that much
Treebeard: I DIDN'T RIP THE RICE PAPER!!!! (this might only be funny if you've seen Kung Fu)

This is a convo I had with my friend, I hope its funny:

Me: I saw FOTR again
You: Did you cry again
Me: Yeah
You: Let me guess when Legolas got the bruise?
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Old 07-25-2002, 07:55 AM   #432
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Question

wow, these are so great! I'm barely halfway through page 6 and ROTFL.
Ahem. I would like to add my humble contributions:
Frodo at Mt Doom: I'm too sexy for my ring! (throws ring in, whilst doing a MJ impression)
Legolas (sprinting around): I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and Briiiight!!
Gandalf face to face with the Balrog: Why, my friend, you are gifted! Those red piercing eyes, that dark complexion, and the howl - could I hear it again -marvellous! Listen, buddy, I got a deal for you (puts arm around Balrog's shoulder and they start to walk away): I know a friend of mine who's making a movie in New Zealand, and you're perfect for the part. What part? the hero, of course. (aside, to the Fellowship, who are staring and mumbling to themselves): Fly you fools!
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Old 07-26-2002, 10:19 AM   #433
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Silmaril

OK, this is part of a much longer parody.

Gandalf arrives at Isengard.

GANDALF: Saruman, you are the wisest of the wise
SARUMAN: Yeah, whatever. (spreads black vampire cloak). I vant to suck your blood.
GANDALF: Despite your creepy demeanor, I will reveal some secrets.
SARUMAN: I'm evil
GANDALF: I trust you implicitly
SARUMAN: I work for Sauron
GANDALF: You are the wisest of the wise
SARUMAN: I'll make you break dance
GANDALF: You ARE evil!
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Old 07-30-2002, 11:11 AM   #434
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Sting

At Bilbo's farwell party:
Bilbo:I know half of you half as well as I like and I like less than half of you half as well as you should like.DAMN!I screwed my speech up.

Lobelia Sackville-Baggins I love these spoons that was so thoughtful of him.
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Old 07-30-2002, 12:27 PM   #435
Daniel Telcontar
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Denmark
Posts: 713
Daniel Telcontar has just left Hobbiton.
Sting

Elrond: You want my daughter, Aragorn? Really?
Aragorn: I know I am but a Ranger, but I will soon be king of both Gondor and Arnor...
Elrond: I don't care, just get married now before you change your mind. Phew. I never thought I was gonna get rid of her. And with my sons abroad and Celebrian in Aman I have the house for myself!!
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Old 07-30-2002, 01:56 PM   #436
charly
Haunting Spirit
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: middle earth, dork
Posts: 84
charly has just left Hobbiton.
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LOL!!!!!!!

Eowyn: Eomer,gimme my Barbie doll!!!
Goldberry: Tom, you cant sing a tune!
Elrond:A date? Are you crazy? Hes your brother!Besides,your much too young for a date!
Eowyn: Help,Im 14 and dont wear a bra yet.
Merry: Eowyn cut it, I dont want to ride to war!
Aragorn/Gandalf: Smoking is bad for you!
Faramir: Gee, Frodo, can I keep this Gollum for my zoo?
Faramir: Eowyn, Im married. Eowyn: Aragorn... theres a problem... Im pregnant.
Wormtounge: Theoden,did you take your Anti-Aging stuff yet?
Gandalf(to Theoden) I understand, its just natrual youd rather listen to wormtounge. Sorry we disturbed you.
Wormtounge: Gandy will you marry me?
Treebeard:HURRY UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok... was that too much? Sorry! I really, really loved your ideas*ggg*!
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Old 07-30-2002, 07:01 PM   #437
cyborg8844
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Silmaril

[img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]
these are SOOOO funny! here's some more

Aragorn to Arwen: I hate your guts!
Arwen to Aragorn: I hate yours back!

Gandalf: I will serve Sauron and become evil!

Gandalf to Saruman: I like your little black ball thingie. What's it for?
Saruman: I use it to contact Sauron to ask for my orders.
Gandalf: Cool, can I play with it?

that's all for now. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]
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Old 08-01-2002, 10:18 AM   #438
RiderOfRohan
Animated Skeleton
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Rohan
Posts: 40
RiderOfRohan has just left Hobbiton.
Tolkien

any hobbit saying- I hate pipe-weed
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Old 08-01-2002, 07:24 PM   #439
Nevfeniel
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Mithlond
Posts: 783
Nevfeniel has just left Hobbiton.
Eye

Quote:
Boromir (after being struck by an arrow): You shot me! What did you do that for, Lurtz? What did I ever do to you? *bursts into tears*
Brinniel, this post has inspired me.

Boromir: Lurtz! You shot me! Why? How could you? I thought we were friends!
Lurtz: Gee, I'm sorry, Boromir. But I had orders. Lesse how bad it is. *walks over to Boromir*
Boromir- *pulls arrow out of himself and sticks it right into Lurtz's chest* Friends, hah.

Ooh, just thought of another!

Balrog- Gandalf! You stole my girlfriend! Now you must PAY!
Gandalf- Just TRY and get me! *breaks bridge*
Balrog- If I go, I'm takin' you with me!

[ August 01, 2002: Message edited by: Nevfeniel ]
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Consider the purr a variety of audible tranquilizer. [. . .] For a few of us, there is one more purr, a secret purr. When we combine our secret purrs, we produce the Purr of Power. And that is simply the amplified amity we feel as furred and purred beings.
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Old 08-09-2002, 01:27 PM   #440
raci
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: an anime world in my head
Posts: 27
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Sting

Frodo facing Gollum on Mount Doom - Holds up ring and says "Moon Prism Power". All of a sudden he has a perfect manicure which gets covered up by white gloves. He then makes a speech about love and justice while wearing a Sailor uniform with big pink bows on it. Then he throws his tiara at Gollum whilst shouting "Moon Tiara Magic". Gollum explodes. Frodo trips over his own feet and drops his ring in the volcano. He bursts into tears and crys like a baby.
(This will only be understood by Sailor Moon fans, and even they probably won't find this funny. Oh well, I had to get my name sum where on this great thread)
[img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]
mailto:lotr21@hotmail.comlotr21@hotmail.com</A>
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