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Old 09-15-2002, 09:44 AM   #481
Anastasia
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LOL Bombur.... [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

Aragon: I'm such a jerk.

Not that funny but there you are.
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Old 09-19-2002, 09:21 AM   #482
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By the way, I thought that one about Gandalf killing people insanely was REALLY funny. I do have a strange sense of humour though.

Here's 2.

Legolas: Crebain from Dunland!

Aragorn: Hide!

Legolas: No wait guys, hold on a second.

Gandalf: Legolas, those are spies of Saruman! Hurry and hide!

Legolas: No problem, I can shoot them all down.

Gandalf: Don't you realise that we........I'll bet you 20 quid you can't.

Legolas: Oh really?

Boromir: Hey, I want some of this, I raise you 50 Legolas.

Legolas: Well then! Throwing away our cash today are we? I'll show you!

*Legolas proceeds to kill every single bird but one with a total of 14 arrows*

Legolas: Oh blast!

Boromir: Whey-hey! Cough up, big guy!

Sam: Am I the only one who thought that was really good?

Frodo: Uh....guys - the spy?

Saruman(to Lurtz): Do you know how the Orcs first came into being?
Take some olive oil, some ash, a dash of molten iron and a pinch of parsley, stick it in a pot and VOILA!
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Old 09-19-2002, 10:54 AM   #483
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Frodo to Butterbur at the Prancing Pony: Mr. Took and Mr. Brandybuck, and this is Sam Gamgee. My name is... umm... Shoemaker, Frodo Shoemaker.
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Old 09-20-2002, 09:01 AM   #484
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i love this thread! i hope it never goes away
here's a continuation of my last one:

Sam:*after putting on the ring and runnung to Morder* You said we would be partners in ruling middle earth!
Sauron:I lied! Hahahahahahahaha!
Sam:You dork! *Sam shoots Sauron, laughs wildly, throws the ring into mt. doom, and turns back to normal when he trips and alls to his death. luckily, landing on a ledgebefore reaching the magma*
Frodo:*seeng Sam on the ledge* I'm coming my love!
Sam:Frodo, my love, don't!*Sam spoke to late and Frodo falls toward Sam and knocks them both into the fire and they both die* [img]smilies/rolleyes.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/eek.gif[/img]
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Old 09-22-2002, 06:31 AM   #485
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Silmaril

Good thread [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img] [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]
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Old 09-22-2002, 11:13 AM   #486
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Boots

Scene:
The Fellowship hiking up the mountain side.
Frodo falls down the hill, Boromir picks up the ring and says " It's mine it's finally mine!!! Eat my dust" and runs away. [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]
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Old 09-25-2002, 06:35 AM   #487
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Frodo to Any person who asks him-"The ring, oh yea. Would you like it gift wrapped." Actually you never know.
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Old 09-25-2002, 11:58 AM   #488
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Frodo: Yu-Gi-Oh! Now, I play a trap card. Magical ring (spellbinding circle), encircle Sauron's orcs! Mystical elf (Legolas) finish them off! Now I play my dark magician (Gandalf)! Defeat Sauron!

Hee hee. Probably not even funny to Yu-Gi-Oh! fan. This ones for you Lostrambaion. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

[ September 30, 2002: Message edited by: raci ]

[ September 30, 2002: Message edited by: raci ]
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Old 09-29-2002, 01:44 PM   #489
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that is so funny and thx for dedicating it to me, raci. i like yu-gi-oh and its still funny! [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]
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Old 09-30-2002, 11:32 AM   #490
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Silmaril

Thanx. Thought of somemore fast. Sorry they r not funny.

Frodo = Yugi (what with the height)
Pippin = Joey
Eowyn = Mai
Saruman = Pegasus (what with the hair)

Don't you think Tea's corny speechs r like the ones from Tuxedo Mask in Sailor Moon?
[img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

[ September 30, 2002: Message edited by: raci ]
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Old 10-01-2002, 12:55 PM   #491
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Yu-gi-oh? Please, when it comes to cartoons there is but one man who rules the world. Johnny Bravo.

Sam: Hey there, pretty mama!

Rose: Excuse me?

Sam: You smell nice, wanna smell me?

*Usually followed by a slap*
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Old 10-02-2002, 11:02 AM   #492
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Silmaril

Johnny Bravo is okay but anime is still better. So is YuGiOh! [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]
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Old 10-04-2002, 04:46 PM   #493
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*after Boromir was killed and Aragorn was with him*
Aragorn: Be at peace, son of Gondor. *kisses Boromir*
Boromir: *eyes pop open* Heeeey, wait a minute, Aragorn! I don't swing that way. . .
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Old 10-05-2002, 11:29 AM   #494
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Silmaril

Here goes nothing---
Celeborn- Where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him.
Galadriel-he..has..fallen..into..shadow.
Celeborn- Well that's a little vague, lady, dont ya think?

Treebeard- Hurry up, you little pokey hobbits!! geese!! *takes out whip and whips their ankles*
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Old 10-05-2002, 02:56 PM   #495
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Silmaril

Aragorn: Sure, Arwen's cute, but gentlemen prefer blondes, right? *snuggles on the couch with Eowyn*

Legolas: *sobbing* You told me you only like brunets!

Aragorn: Errr...
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Old 10-05-2002, 07:21 PM   #496
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Gandalf: BILBO BAGGINS!! I am NOT trying to rob you, I'm trying to hit on you.
Bilbo: *Sweatdrops*
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Old 10-08-2002, 12:29 PM   #497
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Arwen: Not tonight Aragorn, I have a headache.

Aragorn: Aw, man...
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Old 10-08-2002, 07:30 PM   #498
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Eye

LOL, this is hilarious!!! [img]smilies/biggrin.gif[/img]
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Old 10-08-2002, 10:43 PM   #499
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Sting

Picture this scene from the movie: Frodo is lying on the ground, eyes all pale, you know, breathing raspy...looking really bad.

Pippin: "Is he going to die?"

Aragorn: "Yes, he just got done reading the whole entire '101 Things LOTR Characters Would Never Say' thread in one sitting. Yes, all 13 pages. There is no hope. Not even Elvish medicine could save him."

Merry: "Um, actually that was Diamond18. Frodo, now, he was stabbed by a morgul blade."

Aragorn: "Oh, right. Well, it doesn't really matter; they will both die because of it."
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Old 10-09-2002, 04:37 AM   #500
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Sting

Just thought of these to extend the agony:

Círdan: Right: I'm sick of hanging around here running a free cruise line for every Noldorin freeloader that turns up. We'll give that chit Galadriel and those Istari johnnies five more days; then we're all off back to Tol Eressëa without them.

*Trails off mumbling about what he'll do if he sees another boat that day*

Gwaihir: If you think that I've nothing better to do with my time than to rush about hither and yon carrying you and your friends, Mithrandir, you've another think coming.

Tom Bombadil: Why do I have to rescue every group of morons that wanders through here? They got themselves into that pickle, so they can jolly well get themselves out of it. Right: where's my black suit?

Radagast: Ruddy winged vermin! Everything I own is covered in guano! I'm off to see what Olórin's up to. At least he's not surrounded by blasted birds!

Ghân-buri-Ghân: Me no help you. Wild Men no play with food. Get in pot.

The Mouth of Sauron: Sauron says that he'd like to decide the battle with a game of charades. Are we still on for golf this weekend, Aragorn old chap?

Celeborn: Look here, Darling: I'm supposed to be in charge around here, but I never seem to get a word in edgeways. Can't you go and make some rope or something while I find out what sort of people you've brought home this time?

Gandalf: Actually, Saruman, you've got a good point: it's all completely hopeless. Would he let me have Eriador, do you think?

[ October 09, 2002: Message edited by: Squatter of Amon Rudh ]
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Old 10-09-2002, 04:44 PM   #501
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Eye

Quote:
Ghân-buri-Ghân: Me no help you. Wild Men no play with food. Get in pot.


^
|
|
I think the smilies say it all. That was hillarious!

[ October 09, 2002: Message edited by: Nevfeniel ]
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Old 10-09-2002, 07:28 PM   #502
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Sting

Faramir: "What is your name? Whence do you come? And whither do yuo go? What is your business?"

Gollum: "I don't know. Mesa day startin pretty okee-day with a brisky morning munchy, then BOOM! Gettin very scared and grabbin that hobbit and POW! Mesa here! Mesa very scared!"

Faramir: "The punishment for entering the Forbidden Pool unbidden is death!"

Gollum: "How wude!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gandalf after fighting the Balrog: "ADRIENNE!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Frodo, after entering Bag-end and finding the Ring on the floor where Bilbo dropped it: "Well, ruffle my hair and call me Bingo! What's this?"

[ October 10, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]
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Old 10-19-2002, 06:39 AM   #503
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Sting

lol, Bingo...

Diamond, did you really read the whole thread in one go? REALLY? I take my hat off to you.


Cirdan: Shiver me timbers!


Eomer: I am Eomer Son Of Eomund.

Aragorn: And I am Aragorn Son Of Arathorn, Elessar, the Elfstone, Dunadan, Ranger of the North, Rightful King of Gondor and Arnor, Descendent of Numenor, Westernesse, and heir of Isildur Elendil's Son of Gondor.

Eomer: *mumbles* hmmm..Aragorn son of Gondor, Elfman, Mr Bigshot... *mumble*

Aragorn: Hey, I can't help being the Man now can I?
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Old 10-19-2002, 02:31 PM   #504
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Silmaril

Elrond: There's hope, there's help, there's Rogaine.
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Old 10-19-2002, 05:32 PM   #505
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Sting

Quote:
Diamond, did you really read the whole thread in one go? REALLY?
Really and truly, I did indeed!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Legolas: "Goblins and Orcs and Trolls, oh my!"

The sons of Fëanor: "Silmarils? What are those?"

[ October 19, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]
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Old 10-19-2002, 05:57 PM   #506
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Aragorn in Gondor: "I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!"

Sam: "I made a promise, Mr. Frodo. A promise.
Pyche! I lyied! See ya!"
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Old 10-20-2002, 11:47 AM   #507
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Queen Beruthiel: Actually I'm more of a dog person.

Denethor: Everyone warms to the magic of a real fire.

Grishnákh: The cause of suffering is desire. I shall meditate, find my centre, and then seek a new solution to this difficulty
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Old 10-21-2002, 10:51 AM   #508
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Sauron: You kill one Man they call you a murderer. Kill a million Men they call you the Dark Lord. Man, I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadd!!!

Saruman: What right did I have to kill them? Tell me Theoden, what right did I have to let them live?

Saruman: Grima, run down to the store and get some milk won'tcha?

Faramir: oh God, termites!
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Old 11-24-2002, 12:50 PM   #509
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Eye

here's one:

{the conclusion of Bilbo's book as seen at Rivendel}:and I lived happily ever after until killed myself because I was so depressed from living happily ever after.

[ November 24, 2002: Message edited by: Lostrambaion ]
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Old 11-25-2002, 09:40 AM   #510
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Frodo: Hey guys, I realise we've done this charity thing before but barrowdowns.com needs us!

Sam: What's happening Mr Frodo?

Frodo: The thread '101 things LotR characters would never say' is getting punked out by the other threads.

Merry: Oh yeah, look here. They've even got an identical thread here too! The nerve!

Aragorn: Gee, look at all this inferiority. We've been slacking guys.

Boromir: You're right. So what should we do.

Frodo: We need to give character quotes that are totally out of character, for comedy purposes.

Faramir: Oh yeah! Like, Saruman would never say "Save the whales"

Saruman: That's good, man

Frodo: That's the spirit!
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Old 11-25-2002, 12:57 PM   #511
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Silmaril

Funny, Lostrambaion. Can you see Frodo stoned out of his mind on pipeweed and wearing a t-shirt that says "I'm so happy I could die" [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img] [img]smilies/tongue.gif[/img]
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Old 11-25-2002, 07:04 PM   #512
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Aragorn after killing group of orcs: Yes! That was worth 500 experience points!
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Old 11-25-2002, 10:27 PM   #513
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Sauron: Thank you, and have a nice day. [img]smilies/smile.gif[/img]

Aragorn: So chaps, who's our navigator of the day? Boromir, is it? Well, congratulations, Boromir. Where are we going today?
(I wonder...)

Ringwraith: Hi... I'm called the Witchking of Angmar, and I'm a ringaholic. *sympathetic nods from Frodo, Gollum, Saruman, and Sauron sitting in the circle*

Ringwraith: *to the other eight* Guys... do you ever feel a bit down? Depressed even?
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Old 11-25-2002, 11:02 PM   #514
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Pipe

A scene after the War of the Ring:

Sam: "Oh dear, moths have been chewing on my clothes while I was gone on the Quest. How am I to marry Rose in this moth-eaten old suit?"

Pippin: "Why, buy a new one, of course. And in the future, when you store it, you would do well to use paradichlorobenzene. You can make it yourself: it is a white crystalline compound (C6H4Cl2) made by chlorinating benzene; and it works wonders as a fumigant against clothes moths."

Sam: "Gee...thanks..."

[ November 26, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]

[ November 27, 2002: Message edited by: Diamond18 ]
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Old 11-29-2002, 04:25 PM   #515
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Elrond on Sauron talking at the council: "for god sake he's not that bad cut him some slack!"
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Old 11-29-2002, 04:30 PM   #516
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bilbo wrighting the end of his book "and non of them where ever happy again and died shortly after from a horrific and painfull disease" lol
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Old 11-29-2002, 04:32 PM   #517
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Boromir at Amon Hen: Mommy!
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Old 11-29-2002, 05:02 PM   #518
ElentariGreenleaf
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
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Sting

Sauron: Saruman, would you like to look after things today? I need to add some more flame to my eye.
~~~
Sam <<about Frodo>>: NO! <<that's minus the Mr Frodo, no.>>
~~~
Elrond: Sure, the ring can stay here.
~~~
Aragorn: Sorry Frodo, can't save you today. I'm going on a date with Arwen.
*Hear Frodo screaming in the background of their date!*
~~~
Gandalf: YOU CANNOT OFFER ME THIS RING! I'm alergic to Gold.
~~~
Pippin: The square root of pi multiplied by cosine.... <<you get the idea>>
~~~
Gimli: Galadriel is uglier than an orc!
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Old 12-01-2002, 01:37 PM   #519
Inderjit Sanghera
Ghost Prince of Cardolan
 
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Location: Wolverhampton, England
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Sam: No Mr Frodo I don’t find you remotely sexually attractive.

Sam: Mr Frodo, you really are a twerp!

Gandalf: I’ve found the ring Elrond! The one ring!
Elrond: *Yawns* Tell that to someone who gives a damn!

*Saruman and Sauron are having a conversation In the Palantir*

Saruman: * In girly tone of voice* Hi ya loverboy!
Sauron: * In Pierce Brosnan voice* Well, hello. Umm, you’re looking very fine today!
Saruman: Not looking to shabby yourself. I just brought a new dress from that Versace shop. Does my bum look big in this new dress? *Twirls around*
Sauron: Oh, yum, yum. You know how I think you’ve got a GREAT body Saruman. Personally, I think you look better in many colours rather then white!
*Saruman peers into the Palantir* Saruman: Wait, who’s that moving in the background on your bed?
Sauron: That’s err….errr… the err…plumber.
Saruman: Wait a minute, that’s Shagrat isn’t it? You ******* ! You told me you wouldn’t cheat on me any more! You told me you loved me! *Sobs*
Sauron: Er…yeah, about that, you’re dumped. Shagrat makes me feel wanted! He doesn’t just use me for the sex! He makes me feel like a man! HE loves me!
Shagrat: Yeah, that’s right sharku! Sauron’s my man now! *Pinches Sauron’s bum*
Sauron: *Giggles* Oh, Shagrat, you’re such a flirt!
Saruman: but…but… My love! I’ll change! I can’t live without you!
Sauron: O shut up, you little tart! And by the way, I want all my things back, including my ‘ABBA’ collection. I’ll be sending Khamul over immediately. Don’t get me wrong, you were good for a while and we had a real special thing going, but Shagrat makes me feel special!
Saruman: *In a huff* Well, marry him then!
Sauron: *In a low tone of voice* Well, I’m thinking about proposing to him, but I need to get a really special ring to propose to him! So I’m thinking of getting that ring that I lost a few thousand years ago. You know the one that caused all that huzzah!
Saruman: *Rubs his hands together* Oh we’ll see about that! Yes we will! Mwahahahahah! With the one ring , then Sauron will have no choice but to marry me and love me! Yes, you’ll be mine Sauron! All mine! *Laughs Manically*
*Gandalf enters the room*
Gandalf: You cannot use material things like the ring to make Sauron love you Saruman. He has to love you for what you are and who you are. The love between Shagrat and Sauron is pure and beautiful, I will not let you disrupt that!
Saruman: Why yes Gandalf you’re right! Who wants world domination and Sauron when I’ve got all I want right here, in front of me! *Stares at Gandalf longingly and rips off white dress* Oh take me now Gandalf!
Gandalf: I THOUGHT I made myself clear in Valinor Saruman! I don’t want you!
*Saruman puts his clothes back on* Saruman: Oh why doesn’t anybody want me? Will I always be unloved?
* Suddenly Grima Wormtounge walks in the room* Grima: I love you master!
Saruman: What? But I thought you were with Eowyn!
*Wormtounge grimaces* Wormtounge: Uh, I dumped that broad! I felt that she was cramping my style!
Saruman: Oh Wormtounge! Wormtounge: Oh ,Saruman!
*They run to each other and meet in the middle of the room and kiss*
Saruman: I’ve loved you since the first time I glanced upon your beauty!
*Suddenly Eowyn rushes into the room*
Eowyn: Oh, Wormtounge, my love! Don’t’ leave me! I can’t live without you! I don’t want to be stuck with that terrible Faramir! Yuk!
Saruman: U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi, ugly, Oooh-Oooh u ugly! U ugly! Besides Wormtounge is MY man now, ain’t you dear!
Wormtounge: Of course, I always be yours.! *They walk off into the distance, with ‘Love is in the air in the background.
*Gandalf turns towards Eowyn* Gandalf: So, Eowyn…do you like err…stuff?

*Gandalf and Denethor greet each other*

Denethor: Hey, Gandalf, old buddy! Long time no see!

Gandalf: Smoke…smoke weed every day! Na-na-na-na-na! It’s that one and only G-A-N-D-A-L-F! *In the background* Gandalf!

Frodo: No Sam, I must make the trip to Mordor alone!
Sam: *Shrugs shoulders* Yeah, O.K whatever. I’ll be in Ayia Napa if you need me! Good luck!

Elrond: Frodo show everyone the ring!
*Frodo brings out the ring*
Glorfindel: Mamma Mia! It’s da ring-a!

*Gandalf has just given his speech in the ‘black speech’*
Elrond: Those words have never been spoken here before Gandalf!
Gandalf: Yeah, bloody crying shame isn’t it?

Elrond: You will be betrothed to no woman yet Aragorn!
Aragorn: What about Arwen.
Elrond: Arwen? Oh that’s a different matter! Take her!

*Sauron is having a conversation with Melkor*
Sauron: Well, Melkor ,I’ve thinking about it, and I feel that I need a image change! Say hello to Captain Nippletwister, Lord of the badgers!

*Nazgul knocks on the door, to be greeted by Frodo*
Frodo: Yes, what do you want?
Nazgul: The ring, please!
Frodo: Great, do you want fries with that?

Gollum: Hey everyone, I’m thinking about a career move form being a popstar! I’m thinking of becoming a English teacher!

Gandalf: “ Oh, good work Pippin! Ain’t you a good boy?”
Mandos: “Wassssup? Let’s Partaaaay
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Old 12-01-2002, 05:41 PM   #520
Krumtakh the Obtuse
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My goodness.... I just read all 13 pages of this.. oh my. I didn't think it was possible to post that many funny things, but I guess I was wrong. Heres my try at it, anyway:

Saruman to Gandalf:I get HBO free through the palantir, you know.

Nazgul 1:I don't know about these black robes, it just isn't my color.
Nazgul 2:Trust me, they're great. Black just slims your figure right down!

Eye of Sauron:What do I need with a ring anyway? I can't where it.

(I got this from a comic I saw on theonering.net)
Saruman: Darn, I mixed the colors with the whites again!
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