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Old 04-21-2003, 01:33 PM   #1
maikafanawen
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Pipe What do you think of Dave Barry's view?

My mum reads Dave Barry's column often in our newspaper and found an appology to a previous column her wrote concerning Lord of the Rings. Interested, I had her look up the previous article online, and to my horror( ), this is what I found:<P><BR>************************************* ****************<P><B>Why can’t they just lose the ring in the sink?</B><BR>DAVE BARRY<P>I finally saw the new Lord of the Rings movie, which is entitled <I>Lord of the Rings II: A LOT More Stuff Happens</I>. It’s a tad on the long side (three days) but I am not complaining. My eyeballs were literally riveted to the screen, by literal rivets, from the moment I sat down until the moment I lost all sensation in my lower body.<P>Yes, this is a classic movie, the kind that makes you laugh; makes you cry; makes you wonder, over and over, if this would be a good time to go to the bathroom. Above all, it’s a movie that makes you think about the issues raised by the plot, the main issue being: What the heck IS the plot?<P>I say this because it’s a very complicated story, with numerous subplots and something like 11,000 major characters, most of whom have hard-to-remember names like “Falgodirt” or “Grempkin.” So today, as a service to all of you who were confused by this great movie, I present the following:<P>SIMPLIFIED SCREENPLAY FOR LORD OF THE RINGS II<P>(Scene 1)<P>FRODO: Darn! I still have this damned ring that I got in the first movie!<P>SAMWISE: This ring with the terrible power that causes everyone who comes near it to over-act?<P>FRODO: Yes! And to destroy it, we must walk, slowly, in real time, all the way across New Zealand!<P>SAMWISE: But who will guide us?<P>FRODO: How about a reptilian computer-generated creature with a bad comb-over?<P>SAMWISE: **** Cheney’s in this movie?<P>GOLLUM: Very funny, Hobbitt-breath.<P>(Scene 2)<P>LORD ARAGORN: Well, my two trusty companions, -- Legolas, the Strangely Tall Elf; and Gimli, the Comic Relief Dwarf – in our subplot, we are pursuing Merry and Pippin, who have been captured by Orcs, and now we find ourselves in the Kingdom of Rohan, ruled by King Theoden, whose niece, Eowyn, will become my second love interest once the king is released from the spell cast by his trusted counselor, Grima Wormtongue, who is secretly in league with the evil wizard Saruman!<P>LEGOLAS: I have no idea what you’re talking about.<P>LORD ARAGORN: Me either. I’m just reading the script.<P>GIMLI: Well, I’m really short!<P>(Laughter)<P>LORD ARAGORN: But enough explanatory dialogue. It’s time for one of the estimated 17 big sword-clanging battles we have in this movie with hideous computer-generated monsters who always outnumber us by the thousands, although we defeat them every time, because we are courageous heroes!<P>LEGOLAS: Also, they have the hand-to-hand-combat skills of alfalfa.<P>MONSTERS: Arrrrrr.<P>SWORDS: CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!<P>(Scene 3)<P>MERRY: Well, Pippin, we escaped the Orcs, and now we are being carried around by talking trees!<P>PIPPIN: Apparently, the audience will swallow anything!<P>TREE: It gets worse! Later on, we engage in branch-to-hand combat!<P>(Scene 4)<P>MONSTERS: Arrrrr<P>SWORDS: CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!<P>(Scene 5)<P>FRODO: How come, if I’m the protagonist, Lord Aragorn has TWO love interests, and I”m stuck in a subplot iwth **** Cheney?<P>GOLLUM: Maybe it’s becauseyour big hairy feet make you look like you’re wearing a pair of dead weasels.<P>(Scene 6)<P>LORD ARAGORN: Well, Legolas and Gimli, with the help of Gandalf the White, formerly Gandalf the Grey, also known as Gandalf the Beige, we have defeated the Uruk-hai in a giant computer-generated battle. Now we must make haste to the Really Big Rock of Karambador, before the forces of Ba’Zoot, led by the evil King Weltpimple, conquer the Mullions of Gneep and obtain the Remote Control Unit of Doom!<P>LEGOLAS: Now you’re just making stuff up.<P>LORD ARAGORN: Well, it’s not as stupid as the kung-fu trees.<P>GIMLI: I’m still short!<P>(Laughter)<P>(Scene 7)<P>FRODO: Uh-oh! The movie is over, and I still have this damned ring! Do you realize what that means?<P>SAMWISE: That “Weasel Feet” would be a good name for a rock band?<P>FRODO: Yes, as would “Kung Fur Trees” and “Combat Alfalfa.” But my point is that the forces of Evil have been let loose upon the land, which means soon there will be…<P>SAMWISE: No! Not that!<P>FRODO: Yes. Another sequel.<P>MONSTERS: Arrrrrrr!<P>************************************** **************<P><BR>Many, many LOTR fans wrote Mr. Barry and he wrote an appology that he pasted in his next column. In my opinion, he didn't mean a thing he said in his 'apology.' I'll post it here as well:<P><BR>************************************** **************<BR><B>Time for an apology, unless I can wiggle out of it</B><BR>DAVE BARRY<P>Before I get to today's topic ("Worms making News"), I want to apologize to those readers, both human and elf, who were unhappy with my column on "The Lord of the Rings."<P>It turns out that my readership includes some VERY serious fans of the movie and the classic book by the late J.R. "Scooter" Tolkien. Many of these fans took time out from their busy schedules to write lengthy letters detailing the errors in my column, and observing that I am a stupid idiot. Here are some of the specific points they made (I am not making these points up):<BR>--"For your information, **** Cheney is NOT in 'The Lord of the Rings'."<BR>--"it is not right to refer to Aragorn as 'Lord Aragorn' until he claims the htrone of Gondor. He's just a Ranger right now who happens to be really good in battle."<BR>--"I can speak as a rampant fan, because I have read the book 40-plus times."<BR>--"I don't think that you fully understand that if they don't destroy the ring, the world will fall into definite evil."<BR>--"The Ents cannot do kung fu, as that did not exist in Middle Earth."<P>These are all strong points, and so I want to say to you rampant Tolkien fans, by way of sincere apology: Are you, by any chance, Hoosiers?<P>No, seriously, I'm sorry if my column offended you, or in any way has caused the world to fall into definite evil.<P>****************************************** **********<P><I>I</I> wasn't entertained by his attempt at making something funny out of the movies, because I didn't understand any of his lame jokes. Neither was I 'offended' by it though. I just feel sorry for the old coot that he has to make a living of such dull columns. Oh well, I probably won't dwell on this little matter anymore, but I just wanted to post it so the rest of you can read, and voice your opinions about it.<P>-Maikafanawen<P>[ April 21, 2003: Message edited by: maikafanawen ]<p>[ April 21, 2003: Message edited by: maikafanawen ]
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Old 04-21-2003, 02:15 PM   #2
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Really? I thought it was bloody brilliant. One thing that tells of a good fan is that you can laugh about what you love. I am far from offended... indeed, I was kind of amused when Berry published that "retraction." Never underestimate the power of a ticked-off Tolkien fan! hehe. <P>-'Vana
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Old 04-21-2003, 03:12 PM   #3
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Frankly, I was rather embarrassed that Tolkien fans had written in complaining about his article. I mean, it's DAVE BARRY, people, for pity sakes.<P>And unlike Conan O'Brien, at least he made fun of the movie, and not Tolkien fans themselves. I mean, when I nerd like Conan thinks <I>we're</I> nerdy, that's bad.
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Old 04-21-2003, 04:23 PM   #4
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Oh dear, let me correct myself. I thought the script he wrote was lame (maybe I'm hard to amuse) but the fact that some 'rampant fans' wrote back with those points were ridiculous. Whoever those 'fans' were, embarassed me. Anyways, I just don't 'get' some of his humor (though my mum adores him). Oh well. <P>-Maikafanawen
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Old 04-21-2003, 04:34 PM   #5
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>What do you think of Dave Barry's view?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I think that I'd like to be half as funny as he is. Though I suspect that he wishes that he was half as hot as I am. It balances out, you see. <P>Dave Barry rocks, and Gollum and Cheney were obviously separated at birth. Heh heh. <P>Who were those people that wrote in? They are spoiling our image. Let's have our publicists call them on it.
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Old 04-21-2003, 04:50 PM   #6
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My opinion is that Dave Barry has been funnier than he was in that column... I mean, there is so much fodder for ridicule in TTT, and so I expected something funnier than what it was. Anyway, I think there were about 4 topics on that already and I said my piece, so moving on to the "apology":<P>Egad. I wonder if that's the best those fans could come up with? If you're going to flame Dave Barry, try to be funny! For instance, when I first read that I had a desire to write to him and tell him that "Hobbit Breath" would also be an excellent name for a rock band. But, he doesn't acccept emails and I didn't want to do it that bad.
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Old 04-21-2003, 06:09 PM   #7
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I saw this for the first time quite a while ago, & yes, I did find it funny But those fans
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Old 04-22-2003, 08:31 AM   #8
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Remember, he's a humor columnist. I doubt that anyone actually complained; he just wrote that because he'd heard about our (collective) rabidness. I am so happy to have such a reputation
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Old 04-22-2003, 09:23 AM   #9
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I don't usually venture into the movie forum - but I'm certainly glad I did today. That article (and its follow-up) is hilarious. Anyone who is seriously offended by it needs to get a life. And when <I>I</I> say that someone needs to get a life . . .
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Old 04-22-2003, 10:24 AM   #10
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He he, it was funny and I totally agree with <B>Birdland</B><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> I mean, it's DAVE BARRY, people, for pity sakes <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
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Old 04-22-2003, 01:38 PM   #11
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It's Dave Barry, his writing is hysterical!!!! He pokes fun at EVERYTHING so it's not like he singaling LotR alone. <P>I believe there are two things to knowing that you love a certin book, movie, ect:<P>1) You are able to laugh at it. Let's be truthful: Not everyone's going to love as you do and there will be poke-ats.<P>2) You don't focus on one character alone. If the only reason you're here is because you 'luv' Orlando Bloom, then my friend you are not a fan of LotR you are an Orlando Bloom fan. <P>the second one isn't relvant but you get the gist.
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Old 04-23-2003, 03:14 PM   #12
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I thought it was mildly funny (It's Dave Berry!). His 'apoligies' never mean anything, though (It's Dave Berry!). His articles are actually pretty funny, I read them every Sunday, and for him to make fun of LOTR doesn't ofend me. If Tolkien fans really wrote in with those words, I'm more mad at Tolkien fans than at Dave Berry, they're makeing the rest of us look dumb! Oh well, he does that to everything, don't be mad at him (It's Dave Berry!). <p>[ April 25, 2003: Message edited by: The Only Real Estel ]
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Old 04-23-2003, 03:37 PM   #13
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hehe
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Old 04-27-2003, 06:52 PM   #14
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Duuuuuuuuude....<P>Lighten up! Dave Barry is freakin' hilarious! Even as a die hard fan of LotR, Barry is stil really funny.
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Old 04-28-2003, 01:06 PM   #15
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Seriously... if you can't laugh then something is wrong! I personally thought it was hilarious, and I love LotR, movies and books! That is another thing (sort of off topic), if you don't agree with the way the movies are made, don't let it upset you or ruin the story for you! Accept it a another artist's interpretation and enjoy it! Life is good!
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Old 04-28-2003, 02:02 PM   #16
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I think it's quite funny,though he really wasn't funny when talking about the Ents or about Gimli being short.<BR>I do think those things shouldn't be taken to seriously and it can be quite funny to write sarcastic about such a things. For this rapmusic-forum i'm a part of as well I once wrote a whole mythological story for the Westcoast with a lot of inside jokes and the rappers being the deities.I still got it for those whod like to read it.You can send me an email at zthemanvirus@hotmail.com
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Old 04-30-2003, 01:07 PM   #17
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You guys, I'm probably going to light some tempers with this, but I thought that that article was ridiculous, only slightly funny, and a waste of time to read. (Don't kill me!)The only parts that I found even slightly amusing were <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> SAMWISE: But who will guide us?<P>FRODO: How about a reptilian computer-generated creature with a bad comb-over?<P>SAMWISE: **** Cheney’s in this movie?<P>GOLLUM: Very funny, Hobbitt-breath.<BR> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> (I actually <I>almost</I> laughed at that one) <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> LEGOLAS: I have no idea what you’re talking about.<BR> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> MERRY: Well, Pippin, we escaped the Orcs, and now we are being carried around by talking trees!<P>PIPPIN: Apparently, the audience will swallow anything.<BR> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> and <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> ...with the help of Gandalf the White, formerly Gandalf the Grey, also known as Gandalf the Beige...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <BR>I think that the points of the Tolkien fans were being exxagerated to gain a few alughs, because it's really not all that realistic that someone thought that he thought Cheney was in the movies. Come on! I feel like I get most of the jokes, but i think they're lame anyhow. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> Anyone who is seriously offended by it needs to get a life. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well, it happens that some people are offended by things more than others. I <I>know</I> I need to get a life, but I'd rather other people didn't tell me a much. And the "apology" was much too sarcastic for my liking, and I would rather he hadn't put it in in the first place. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> 1) You are able to laugh at it. Let's be truthful: Not everyone's going to love as you do and there will be poke-ats.<BR> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well of course. I poke fun with LotR myself- but at least I <I>try</I> to not actually be offensive, which it doens't seem like this dude does. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> Seriously... if you can't laugh then something is wrong! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I <I>know</I> something is wrong. It's just that <I>I</I> think that what's wrong is in the article.<BR>Okay. Done ranting now. But I still don't like it.<P>~Menelien<p>[ April 30, 2003: Message edited by: GaladrieloftheOlden ]
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Old 04-30-2003, 01:31 PM   #18
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Wow, haven't seen any assasin's coming yet! Oh, here comes the first one... <P>~Menelien
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Old 04-30-2003, 01:35 PM   #19
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Barry's a wierd guy (he's also funny, in my opinion). Poor Gollum, separated from birth from Cheney. Then Gollum lives his life in torment over losing his precious, and Cheney gets to be vice presendent of the US! How unfair is that! Good thing Gollum's not vice prez though. <P>Gollum: "Hmmm, Presedent of the US, give it to us Bush my love!" <P>Bush: "No! It's my position and I fought hard to get it." <P>Gollum: "Then we'll take it from you!"<P>Bush: "GAA!"<P>Gollum: "Now we shall rule the US, yes Gollum, us and our throtteling fingers!"<p>[ April 30, 2003: Message edited by: The Only Real Estel ]
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Old 04-30-2003, 01:45 PM   #20
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Hehe <BR>Well, in my opinion, that was much funnier than what Barry thought up...<P>~Menelien
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Old 05-01-2003, 04:40 PM   #21
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Still no assasins... *deep breath of relief* Wow, hardly anybody's even arguing! I guess you're all at the party... well, I must be off too!<P>~Menelien
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Old 05-01-2003, 08:28 PM   #22
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It was? I didn't think it was that good (just a spur of the moment stupid compulsion )! Maybe I should be a humour writeing guy....NAH!
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Old 05-03-2003, 11:00 AM   #23
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> Well of course. I poke fun with LotR myself- but at least I try to not actually be offensive, which it doens't seem like this dude does. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>.<P>Barry wasn't <I>trying</I>to be offensive, purists just find him that. Some people need to lighten up sometimes.
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Old 05-03-2003, 11:46 AM   #24
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> Some people need to lighten up sometimes.<BR> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I don't quite like his view, but I don't mind it, because it's something I can argue with. However, I don't like to argue with people who I think are being rude, as I don't think that it should be part of a normal debate.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> Barry wasn't tryingto be offensive, purists just find him that. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I’m not sure that you could judge everyone that doesn’t agree with <I>one</I> spoof a purist. I, at least, usually really like spoofs, but I like them to be funny, and, in my opinion, humor was one thing that this one just didn’t have.<P>~Menelien<P>Edit: And I didn't say he was trying to be offesive. I just said that he wasn't trying <I>not</I> to.<p>[ May 03, 2003: Message edited by: GaladrieloftheOlden ]
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Old 05-04-2003, 04:55 AM   #25
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Hmm, it was sort of vaguely good- but these LOTR spoofs come from all over the place now, there's only room for a certain number. Personally I think the best spoofs come from fans, I mean look at the humorous stories in the fanfic here! Some of his jokes were OK. I bet he liked it really!
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Old 05-04-2003, 03:20 PM   #26
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>I’m not sure that you could judge everyone that doesn’t agree with one spoof a purist. I, at least, usually really like spoofs, but I like them to be funny, and, in my opinion, humor was one thing that this one just didn’t have. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>One brownie point for GaladrieloftheOlden.<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>And I didn't say he was trying to be offesive. I just said that he wasn't trying not to.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well where is that line of humorous and offense? It's difficult to have a job like Dave Barry, because some poeple find a certin detail that they have to speak out about it. Is there a limit for columnists? Is there a line for readers? Where does it all meet? Where can everything come to a point where everyone is happy? To quote Jerry Seinfeld "There is no such thing as fun for the whole family." Someone will <I>always</I> be offended or unhappy. Look at you and me: You find it undelightful, I love it. I believe it is hysterical. So we have different points of veiw as to where Barry is funny and offending. Who can be the judge of what he was trying to be?
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Old 05-09-2003, 08:18 PM   #27
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i thought that both the apology and the actuall article were soooo funny. dave barry isnt supposed to be taken seriously, and if u do take him seriously then thats not a good thing or u will be mad at him a lot.
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Old 05-09-2003, 08:21 PM   #28
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I don't take him seriously. I know that spoofs aren't supposed to be taken seriously. It is just my personal opinion that his spoof is not funny at all. It has given me about as many laughs as staring at the cracks in my ceiling. And I'm not <I>quite</I> insane enough to be laughing at those. Yet. <P>~Menelien
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Old 05-10-2003, 03:56 AM   #29
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HAHA this was the BEST part:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>--"I can speak as a rampant fan, because I have read the book 40-plus times."<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Wow, that person must have felt *really* special when he or she wrote that. One writes a letter to someone making fun of him or her, then BEGS for a reason to be made fun of.<P>Dave could have had a BALL with that one.<P>I LOVE LOTR spoofs! I've seen gooberly stupid pics (and LOVE them), I've read some of the jokes, and I enjoy a good LOTR poke. It's all in good fun.<P>I think too many people get bent outta shape when they read spoofs because they take the story so seriously. And I know, I take it seriously, too - but I know it's not <I>real</I>. Some people have issues with the reality aspect
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Old 05-10-2003, 04:00 AM   #30
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> I think too many people get bent outta shape when they read spoofs because they take the story so seriously. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> If that was directed at me, which it probably was, as I was the one criticizing the spoof, I said a few times that I love spoofs in general, I just find that a good quality is humor. Which, I think, this one lacks totally. I get that it's supposed to be funny, and it's not that I don't get the jokes... it's just not funny to me.<P>~Menelien
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Old 05-10-2003, 05:05 AM   #31
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I've not come across this bloke, who I assume is a Yank...but I don't think he's half as funny as the Secret Diary spoofs, which were hilarious.<BR>I do thoroughly approve of the way Barry mocks PJ's use of Gimli as comic relief. It was pathetic, and deserves to be spoofed.
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Old 05-10-2003, 05:06 AM   #32
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR> I do thoroughly approve of the way Barry mocks PJ's use of Gimli as comic relief. It was pathetic, and deserves to be spoofed. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well, I'll agree with that much <P>~Menelien
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Old 05-10-2003, 03:37 PM   #33
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>If that was directed at me, which it probably was, as I was the one criticizing the spoof, I said a few times that I love spoofs in general, I just find that a good quality is humor. Which, I think, this one lacks totally. I get that it's supposed to be funny, and it's not that I don't get the jokes... it's just not funny to me.<BR>~Menelien<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Nah nah, it wasn't directed at you. If it was, I would have mentioned your name. I was speaking in general about the people who seriously go outta their way to voice their distaste - like the people who try to sue Dave Barry. I'm talking about people who go to extremes.<P> My point was that there are some people who go around with their JRT knowledge, blasting those who have read the books but don't have them memorized. These people mock others and do the "I'm better than you because I know the story by heart". There's nothing wrong with reading the books over and over - I've read them several times myself. What I'm saying is that the people with superiority complexes need to chill out and realize that there are people who can be fans and not be immersed in Middle Earth.<P>I know of people who can't get out of the LOTR mindset. It's like their reality.<P>It's one thing to be a fan, but it's quite another to be disillusioned. Believe me, I'm a BIG fan. I make costumes, I've done a meetup, and I collect the stuff. Hell, sometimes when it's cold out I throw on my Ringwraith robe to stay warm. I've got the swords and I play with them from time to time. But there are people out there who LIVE in Middle Earth. There's a difference. Again, I'm speaking in reference to people who go bezerk over their obessions.<P>It's fine if ya don't dig on the spoofs. To each his or her own. There's nothing wrong with not liking them, but again there are some people who take it out of hand (like the people who sue, etc.)
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Old 05-11-2003, 02:20 AM   #34
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Gandalf the Beige! As a young wizard he liked to wear kahkis (or chinos or whatever). That's humorful.<P>Barry's too silly to offend. I like the idea of these guys writing to complain, they really got too much time on <I>their</I> hands. He was right about the doofy short jokes. And I bet the uninitiated were thinking, "What the--" when they first saw the Ents at work!
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Old 05-12-2003, 09:55 AM   #35
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Dave Barry is really funny. LOTR is awesome.<BR>Funny. Awesome. Funny. Awesome.
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Old 05-12-2003, 10:07 AM   #36
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I actually found that column to be very funny But I suppose that reveals the type of humour I like. Anyways, I agree, if you are not able to laugh about the funny side or amusing quirks of something you like, odds are that you take it a little too seriously. <BR>Peace
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Old 05-12-2003, 10:10 AM   #37
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Oh, one thing I forgot to add: It is Dave Barry's 'view', and everyone is entitled to their own opinions. <BR>Peace
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Old 05-12-2003, 03:22 PM   #38
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Also remember that what he writes in his columns may not represent his actual views. His columns are intended to be funny, and that's what he writes them to be. Also, I am completely convinced that LOTR is awesome, and people simply cannot convince me otherwise so actual criticism of LOTR doesn't bother me in the slightest. First of all, I had nothing to do with the making of LOTR, and secondly I refer you to my first point with criticism in the sentence.
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Old 05-12-2003, 03:27 PM   #39
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I don't like arguing with the whole croud... I need somebody who agrees with me... HELP! <P>~Menelien
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Old 05-12-2003, 05:22 PM   #40
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I loved Dave Berry's point of view on TTT. It gives us Tolkien fanatics something to laugh about because there really isn't much to laugh about in the books. It was so brilliant! There was absolutely nothing wrong with his poking a little fun at it.
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