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Old 06-29-2004, 12:49 PM   #1
elfwishes999
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Shield To: Santa... From: People of Middle-earth

ok, i hope no one did this, but just imagine Middle-earth at Christmas. Snow everywhere, the cold weather setting in, and Christmas on it's way.
*What would any LotR character ask Santa for christmas?

(this may get some laughs)
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Old 06-29-2004, 07:26 PM   #2
The Perky Ent
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White Tree

Legolas: Yay! I got an Lothlorien bow! What ?!? No arrows!! Thanks a lot Santa!
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Old 06-30-2004, 02:30 AM   #3
Osse
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Sauron:

"The only thing i want for Christmas, is the whole of Middle Earth, if not, I'd settle for a nice new pair of boxers, the ones i am currently in give me a mega wedgie and are really making me a grumpy guy!!!"
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Old 06-30-2004, 10:14 AM   #4
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Sauron: Santa, I want some Visine. My eye is really getting dry! Or how about an eyelid so I can blink? I'll settle for total domination of Middle Earth as well. Pleeeeeaaaase can I have domintion of earth? I wan' it, I wan' it, I wan' it!

Arwen: Dear Santa, I want my necklace back.
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Old 06-30-2004, 10:40 AM   #5
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Thumbs up Santa's Elves!?

An Orc: Yo Santa dude!
I've always wanted one of those...um whatyamacallit things, oh yeah a brain!!

Gollum: I'd like my preciousss back from those nasssty hobbitses. I promise I won't be naughty! No I don't! Yessss I do! No I don't....
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Old 06-30-2004, 06:31 PM   #6
Arwen Evenstar
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Narya

Sauron: Dear Santa,
Since I don`t have any... All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth!


Grima Wormtongue: Dear Santa,
I want a girl-friend for Christmas!

Legolas: Dear Santa,
I want brush, and some shampoo, and some eye-shadow, and some lipstick, and a lolipop, and a pony!

Gimli: Dear Santa,
I want some scissors and some conditioner. Oh! and one hair from your head!

Strider: Dear Santa,
All I want is soap for Christmas.
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Old 07-07-2004, 12:15 PM   #7
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Sam: Santa, I want you to bring that Mountain of Fire right here! So I can throw the Ring in! And so I can throw Mister Frodo in! He always steals the glory! He gets the riches! I get the shears! And i want a pony! A rocket ship! And domination of Middle Earth! I want to be Supreme Gardening Overlord of Middle Earth!!!!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cough cough* and a box of dirt (which im going to throw away, so ha ha Santa!).
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Old 07-07-2004, 01:32 PM   #8
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Sting

I have some ideas, although they might not be exactly funny.

Legolas: Can I have nice hair forever? That'd be nice. And some more arrows, my quiver is empty. I gotta go shoot some more orc....
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Old 07-07-2004, 07:05 PM   #9
Nirvana II
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1420!

Gollum: Can I have some more hair Santa, I'm finding it hard to get dates. Oooh and maybe a sonicare toothbrush. And the George Foreman Grill! The fat just drips right off!
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Вы - пончик желе!

Я оказался снова.

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Old 07-07-2004, 10:40 PM   #10
Silmiel of Imladris
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Dear Santa,
Please! I am begging you to bring me a different boyfriend for Arwen! My only conditions are that he is clean, well mannered, immortal, and most importantly NOT ARAGORN. She already got an Aragorn a few Christmas's ago and she won't let me throw him out or give him to Good Will even when she has worn him out beyond belief.

Thanks,

Elrond
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Old 07-08-2004, 04:44 AM   #11
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Frodo: Dear Santa,
all I wanted was a school in midle e..... but take out physics.

Sauron: Yo santa!
i don't want ME, I wasnt ARDA! And please make Morgoth stay in the Void forever so Ill be the real Dark Lord!
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Old 07-08-2004, 09:42 AM   #12
Morai
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The Eye Tis the season to be evil....

Sauron (as the Eye): I'd like ONE of those contacts that makes your eye red and catlike. Oh wait...I already have one. Okay...how bout a bright purple one. (That would really throw those hobbit spies for a loop.) And maybe one that would make my eye all starry, it would at least scare Saruman. Please get the Mouth of Sauron some breath mints, his breath STINKS!!

Frodo (after the ecounter in Mt. Doom): I'd like a 10th finger...I'm really sick of being called Frodo nine fingers.
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Old 07-27-2004, 01:38 PM   #13
elfwishes999
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Shield

Aragorn- Santa, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dont bring me any soap. I dont need it, i smell fine. No shampoo, no soap, no conditioner. no no no
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Old 07-27-2004, 02:12 PM   #14
One of the Nine
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Sting

All these are funny!

Frodo- Dear Santa, (jingle included) All I want for Christmas is my finger back!
Sauron- Dear Santa, can you please not give me coal this year? I've got more than enough to keep my eye going for the rest of my life!
Legolas- Dear Santa, Can I have a mirror? I hate having to look in the pond.
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Old 07-27-2004, 02:33 PM   #15
dancing spawn of ungoliant
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Balrog: Dear Father Christmas,
I know that I haven't been very nice this year but please, please give me those new wings with phosphorescent light effect that I saw in the christmas cataloque so we can show those annoying unbelievers!
Sincerely yours,
Balrog
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Old 07-27-2004, 09:50 PM   #16
Morsul the Dark
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1420!

Treebeard,
please bring me an entwife I've been very good this year

Pippin,
Dear Santa I've run out of pipeweed....again please bring me more

Gimli
Santa please shave legalos's head he makes fun of my beard and I know you understand the beard is the entire look.

Legalos,
Dear Santa all I want for christmas is for you to let my people go
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Old 07-28-2004, 06:14 PM   #17
One of the Nine
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Tolkien

Frodo: Dear Santa, can I have that new-fangled ring making machine?

Sam: Dear Santa, please don't let Frodo get that new-fangled ring making machine I overheard him talking about.

Merry: Dear Santa, can you please give Pippin a life supply of pipeweed? He's taken all of mine. And, can I have some duct tape to shut his mouth so I can have some of his pipeweed?

Pippin: Dear Santa, please don't give Merry more duct tape like you did last year. And, can I have some more pipeweed?
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Old 07-28-2004, 06:25 PM   #18
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Pipe

Gandalf:
Dear Santa,
Could you please bring me another staff this year? I broke mine again, & I can't seem to get another one like I'm usually able to...
Thanks,
Gandalf

Gollum:
Dear Fat One,
You know what we wantss, oh yesss, preciouss. Our Chrisstmasss Present back, preciousss!
Hungrily,
Gollum
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Old 07-29-2004, 09:19 AM   #19
Morsul the Dark
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Pippin
Dear Santa,
Please bring me more lembas I ate so much but I'm still not full!

Aragorn,
Santa everyone is convinced I need a bath please make me eternally clean like legalos so I don't get harrassed and so i don't need to go near the water!
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Old 07-29-2004, 09:38 AM   #20
Morai
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Narya Screaming letters

The WitchKing:
Dear Santa:
AAAAAAH EEEEEEEE! The Ring! EEEEEEE! AHHHHH!

Celeborn:
Dear Santa,
Just get me away from Galadriel, she's driving me crazy! Galadriel always gets to say the good stuff, and me? I get to frown and stare off into space! I swear she's probably watching me right now with that mirror of hers. Actually, I'd be happy if she just didn't find out about this....
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Old 08-09-2004, 11:41 PM   #21
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Gimli: Dear Santa, all I really want for Christmas is a beardless wife!!, beards are really itchy,you should know what I`m talking about,right?.


Sauron: Hey Santa!, i want my ONE and only Ring back!!, and I WANT IT NOW!!!
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Old 08-13-2004, 10:33 AM   #22
Morsul the Dark
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Treebeard:

Dear Santa,
I want to have a ........ .......... Oh never mind Its already April I should remember to sstart wrting before sptember next year.

Boromir:
dear Santa all I want is a pretty pink unicorn, Ive always secretly wanted one and never got it i think its due to myy fathers overbearing hate for my brother i just sometimes want a friend to snuggle with and cry...

Gollum:
We wants justice precious justice for the nasty bagginses that stole it from us lock em away
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Old 08-26-2004, 09:04 AM   #23
Witch_Queen
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Merry: Dear Santa,
Can you bring me a new carrot. One that will not break when fallen on. PLEASE!

Sarumon: Dear man with long white beard,
I really, reallly, reaaaaaaaaaaallllllllly want my tower back. Oh and some black dye. (Stupid Gandalf's always rubbing it in my face. He's the white wizard.. not me?) Oh and take Wormtongue away from me. He can be a little annoying. Forget it you can have him for Christmas. Its my present to you.

(Not really sure if they are funny? Sorry if they aren't)
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Old 08-26-2004, 09:18 AM   #24
Encaitare
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Grima:

... and a girlfriend and some hair-care products and some Selsum Blue and an all-expenses-paid shopping spree so I don't have to wear these smelly, depressing robes anymore, and a wizard who isn't going to resort to physical violence when I eventually fail him, and oh yeah, a girlfriend...

Maedhros:

Dear Santa, This is probably very illegible because I'm using my left hand and leaning against a cliff wall so the pen keeps running out of ink, but I'd really like to get down from here. That's all I want. Thanks.

Feanor:

Dear Santa, I WANT MY FORKING JEWELS BACK! Love Feanor.
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Old 08-26-2004, 10:03 AM   #25
elronds_daughter
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Silmaril

Dear Santa,
For Christmas this year, I'd like a new hairbrush, some more Herbal Essences shampoo and conditioner and hair gel (i'm running out), and--hmm.... um, oh yeah! Could you PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE make everyone stop making fun of my grooming habits? I mean, so what if I like to be clean? At least I'm not like Aragorn, who refuses to take bath, no matter how hard I try to make him! Oh, that's another thing I want for Christmas. Give Aragorn a bath.

Thank you,
Legolas




Dear Santa,
Why does it seem that every time I ask for something, Legolas gets it instead? I mean, he's perfectly clean, and I'm not, and when I ask for soap and shampoo and conditioner, you give them to him instead! What's up with that? So this year (since I've been very good) I'm asking you to give me what i've asked for for the past forty years! Or at least make Legolas a little more willing to share. Well, actually, for all I care, you could dunk him in a mud puddle and I wouldn't mind. Yeah, do that. And take away his grooming supplies. Then he'll know how I feel. I was fine with being dirty until he showed up. Oh, and if you could just keep Arwen in Middle Earth until our wedding, that would be great.

Gratefully,
Aragorn
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Old 08-26-2004, 10:36 AM   #26
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Thumbs up

Sauron;
Dear Lord Christmas... sorry, Father Christmas.
I would really like a second Eye, not good depth perception at the moment.

Saruman;
Dear Santa,
I would like a washing machine that doesn’t make the colours run!

Gandalf the grey:
Dearest Santa
I want a washing machine!

(the next year,)
Gandalf the white;
Woot! Thanks Santa! Now I look cool!


( P.S. HAPPY 200th post for me!)
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Old 08-26-2004, 10:43 AM   #27
Encaitare
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Aragorn:

Dear Santa -- I would really like a name tag for Christmas. Not just a little one. A BIG name tag with enough room for all my ninety-someodd names. I'm sick and tired of people talking about Thorongil and then not believeing it's me. A crown would be nice too.

Denethor:

Dear Santa -- I'd like a Palantir that's *not* going to ensnare me, weaken me, and eventually drive me mad. It's very tiresome.

Faramir:

Dear Santa -- I'd like a dad who wasn't ensnared, weakened, and driven mad by that stupid Palantir. Everyone know's he's got one anyway.
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Old 09-10-2004, 08:38 AM   #28
Tuor of Gondolin
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1420!

Aragorn : I'd like some embedded reporters (preferably with camcorders)
when I'm fighting for Gondor as Thorongil so that twerp Denethor won't be able
to challenge my Return.

Arwen : Not much, Santa cutie. Just please give all of Arnor and Gondor
to Ari so daddy will FINALLY agree we can marry! Hey, I'm not getting any
younger, and I doubt Ari will last longer then a couple of hundred years. I
mean, can you hear that biological clock ticking? Oh yes, I'd also like
"a '54 convertible, light blue.
I'll wait up for you, Santa Baby.
So hurry down the chimney, tonight.

Think of all the fun I've missed.
Think of all the fellas I haven't kissed.
Next year I could be just as good.
So hurry down the chimney, tonight."

Gandalf : Please get Radagast a clock, WITH A WAKE-UP CALL!,
to remind him he wasn't sent to Middle-earth just to do a nature study.

Gollum : Nice master! Nice Santa! Poor Smeagol only wants to get his
own back. Don't listen to letters from the nassty, rude hobbit. And could I
have a good dental plan to get some nice, new, sharp teeth? And a map
showing where Thief Baggins lives, and recipes for preparing scrumptiously
delicious sushi, and a book called "The keys to successful power
negotiation with hobbits", and a nice, strong safe so that I won't lose or have stolen, ah, anything precious, and a deed to the land where you-know-what was
found, since all my poor relatives (yess, even Deagol ) are gone,
and, and, and..................
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Old 09-30-2004, 12:56 PM   #29
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Legolas:

Dear Santa,

FOR THE LAST TIME, I DO NOT NEED A JOB! STOP CALLING ME! I SHOOT THINGS; I DO NOT MAKE TOYS!!! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR FAT BEARDED HEAD!! AND TELL YOUR BUDDIES AT KEEBLER THAT I DON'T BAKE COOKIES, EITHER!

PS; I'd like a puppy and a toy firetruck for Christmas. Do you prefer shortbread or chocolate chip?
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Old 09-30-2004, 02:15 PM   #30
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1420!

Denethor-Please Santa, I would like a Fire extinquisher.

Sauron-I would like a siren for this fancy little spotlight eye I have. TY, Santa.

Thranduil-Santa all I want is some spider repellent.

Eomer-All I ask for Santa is some more screen time in the movies!!!
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Old 09-30-2004, 02:19 PM   #31
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Dear Santa: Give me a thousand years supply of fireproof eyeliner. NOW.
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Old 09-30-2004, 02:22 PM   #32
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Frodo:

Dear Santa,

Could I please get a finger for Christmas?

Lovingly,

FB
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Old 09-30-2004, 02:47 PM   #33
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1420!

Sauron-Santa can I have another little Golden ring, and this time make it TOTALLY indestructable.

Glorfindel- Kill Arwen for me, here I'll even pay you.

Celeborn- Santa all I ask for is for you to make my wife the ugliest, most hideous looking thing you can imagine. I'm tired of everyone hitting on her. Oh, and SMACK Gimli for me.

Elrond- Put me in a mental institute. I mean, the one woman I fell in love with was wounded and left me, my daugther ran off with some mortal, and you know how much I hate them stupid HUMANS, and my sons only care about killing things, PLEASE help ME! (P.S thankyou Mithalwen lol)

Sam- Ok, I know I've asked for a little kid for the past 13 years but I really think Rosie and I could use another one.

P.S. Fordhim you and I must think alike, you got to the Frodo finger before me, GJ!
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Old 09-30-2004, 06:22 PM   #34
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Boromir88 is wading through the Dead Marshes.Boromir88 is wading through the Dead Marshes.Boromir88 is wading through the Dead Marshes.Boromir88 is wading through the Dead Marshes.Boromir88 is wading through the Dead Marshes.Boromir88 is wading through the Dead Marshes.
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1420!

They just keep coming, lol, here's another one I thought of.

Beregond-Santa, I would like a Faramir doll, to put in my Faramir shrine, with all my other Faramir statuettes and items.
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Old 10-01-2004, 01:45 AM   #35
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Balrog:
Dear lord Santa

I would like some suntan lotion, not for me, or all my mates who come to visit, they can’t stand the heat!
Yours ect, ect
The Balrog of Moria.
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Old 10-23-2004, 12:06 PM   #36
THE Ka
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Pipe

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arwen Evenstar
Sauron: Dear Santa,
Since I don`t have any... All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth!


Grima Wormtongue: Dear Santa,
I want a girl-friend for Christmas!

Legolas: Dear Santa,
I want brush, and some shampoo, and some eye-shadow, and some lipstick, and a lolipop, and a pony!

Gimli: Dear Santa,
I want some scissors and some conditioner. Oh! and one hair from your head!

Strider: Dear Santa,
All I want is soap for Christmas.
Ahh... Sauron sounds soooo cute!

Hmm... well, if i was santa, i would give legolas a Hedwig and the angry inch dvd or vhs. Or i would just turn him into Hedwig. If he wants to look good that bad. I would give strider Dove soap. I don't know why, that stuff just makes anyone smell good. Wormtongue's request would take awhile.(Seriously! i'm not a dial-for-a-date or, lowered expectations! )

Ah. To Be santa...
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Old 10-23-2004, 12:07 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Boromir88
They just keep coming, lol, here's another one I thought of.

Beregond-Santa, I would like a Faramir doll, to put in my Faramir shrine, with all my other Faramir statuettes and items.
Heh. Sounds like me and my boromir collection.
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Old 10-23-2004, 12:12 PM   #38
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Thumbs up

Quote:
Originally Posted by Silmiel of Imladris
Dear Santa,
Please! I am begging you to bring me a different boyfriend for Arwen! My only conditions are that he is clean, well mannered, immortal, and most importantly NOT ARAGORN. She already got an Aragorn a few Christmas's ago and she won't let me throw him out or give him to Good Will even when she has worn him out beyond belief.

Thanks,

Elrond
Whoa! Sorry if this sounds off-topic but, Your avatar, I have that EXACT Isis pendant! Cool! Awsome! Ok, sorry for yelling.
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Old 10-23-2004, 12:28 PM   #39
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Pipe Before we forget...

here's some of me' own.

Radagast: Dear santa, Even though i've asked this every year but, could you possibly give me more showtime in the book? I mean, look, my birds get more time than i do! Please consider this simple request.

P.S. Oh, yes, before i forget the eagles said they would like some lovely raindeer meat. (I swear, i will make sure they don't eat rudolph again. Seriously, i know how hard it is to find a raindeer with a glowing red nose and can talk, sing, ect.)

- Radagast

Boromir: Dear santa, I only have three simple request. One, to be the ONE and ONLY Disco-King. Two, could you give my dad secretively a sadative? He is constantly parading me around and it's getting into a conflict with my self-taught disco classes (Can you believe that no one else in this city knows about saturday night fever!). And three, well, this isn't really like the other two but, could you possibly take your raindeer and kill off any opposers that might attack me when i become king? Oh thankyou, thankyou, Santa!

P.S. Um... yah. that last request, make sure you don't kill my brother. you can make him court musician though. thanks again santa. you're the best!

- Boromir
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