Be careful what you wish for...

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish Denethor had gone into acting.



Granted. Denethor goes into the acting career. Unfortunately, despite his superb roles as insane men, Denethor is torn apart by the tinseltown machine and lives the rest of his days missing the limelight.


I wish Sauron scratched his butt with his black hand and set it(his butt) on fire by accident.

[Kitanna]

I wish Sauron scratched his butt with his black hand and set it(his butt) on fire by accident.
Granted! Sauron's butt catches on fire while he scratches it and he is forced to put it out in the Great River. This causes everyone in Middle-Earth to laugh and him, then he goes in the corner and cries.

I wish Faramir had gone to with the Fellowship instead of Boromir.

[Thinlómien]

I wish Faramir had gone to with the Fellowship instead of Boromir.
Your wish is granted. Boromir stays in Gondor and Faramir goes in his stead. Because Boromir's not there, the ring tempts Gimli to try to take it. Galadriel sees his intentions and despises him. Gimli gets depressed because his love hates him and commits suicide. Later, Eomer dies and Pippin is forgotten under the huge troll, because Gimli is not there to look after them. This causes that Éowyn inherits the crown of Rohan and she becomes the first ruling queen in Rohan's history.

I wish that Maedhros had not lost his hand.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Maedhros had not lost his hand.

Granted. He now loses his head.

I wish Shelob had just had a really big pig out on Orcs and so couldn't chase Frodo and Sam.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Shelob had just had a really big pig out on Orcs and so couldn't chase Frodo and Sam.

Your wish is granted. But Frodo and Sam are spotted from the tower of Cirith Ungol. Frodo puts on the Ring and disappears but Sam is captured. Later Frodo is captured by one of the Nazgul and thus Sauron regains the Ring.

I wish that all of the sons of Feanor had been killed trying to take Dior's Silmaril.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that all of the sons of Feanor had been killed trying to take Dior's Silmaril.

Granted. But Sauron steals it instead some how. He now becomes a terrible and great Dark Lord and enslaves the whole of Middle Earth. Well done.

I wish Deagol had killed Smeagol

[Valesse]

I wish Deagol had killed Smeagol

Poof! Truth be had, a fairie just sneezed on your ear and, well, there you are!

Deagol kills Smeagol, keeps the ring, and takes a few years in thearpy to boot. After seven progressive years he has a panic attack and runs away from home thinking that all the other hobbits are shaking their heads at him chanting "Shame, shame."

He gets up enough nerve to look at that nasty, problem causing ring on his journey to nowhere and becomes instantly enthralled with it. The ring directs him Southeast, toward Mordor, but Deagol gets lost and ends up mucking about in Rivendell where he is thrown into prison for being nothing but a royal pain.

Congratulations! The Ring never gets to Mordor, but all of Imaldris is calling for you blood.

I wish that instead of Wargs, the Orcs of the White Hand were given large frogs to ride and meet the Rohirrim.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish that instead of Wargs, the Orcs of the White Hand were given large frogs to ride and meet the Rohirrim.

Your wish is granted. The Rohirrim quickly learn how to dodge them but they also learn that their blood is extremely poisonous. Aragorn discovers by accident that really yucky vegetable soup is a good antidote to the poison. Because Eowyn was appointed Chief Frog Poison Doctor she got to ride to war with the Rohirrim with Theoden's express approval. Grimbold was left to govern the remnant of the Rohirrim and thus got to live to old age.

I wish that Javert got to enter Middle-earth.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Javert got to enter Middle-earth.

Granted... erm... but Orcs eat Javert's face.

I wish we knew what Tom Bombadill and Gandalf talked about when they met.

[Kitanna]

I wish we knew what Tom Bombadill and Gandalf talked about when they met.

POOF! We now know that Gandalf and Tom spoke together for many hours on the subject of the best way to cook and eat a hobbit.

I wish Legolas had been left in Moria by the Fellowship.

[Maeggaladiel]

I wish Legolas had been left in Moria by the Fellowship. Consider it done.

Legolas remains in Moria and opens the first Elven Hair Salon for Misunderstood Orcs. With his guidance, the ugly orcs of Moria become beautiful, and everyone realizes that they're not really evil: they just have low self esteem. Cured of this, the orcs become model citizens and eventually open a humane animal shelter for abandoned and injured wargs.

I wish Boromir would come back from the dead... as a zombie.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Boromir would come back from the dead... as a zombie.

G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-granted! But he decides to be a good zombie and help Middle Earth. However, he falls apart every five minuets and is soon thrown into the middle of the sea without any arms or legs.

I wish Gandalf would turn some Orcs into spotted toads and fill their gardens with grass snakes, just for a laugh.

[Kitanna]

I wish Gandalf would turn some Orcs into spotted toads and fill their gardens with grass snakes, just for a laugh.
Granted! Gandalf becomes Middle-Earth's practical joker. After turning the orcs into toads and filling their gardens with grass snakes he goes on to steal all Farmer Maggot's mushrooms and replaces them with the orcs who are now spotted toads. Then he spray paints "Saruman Smells!" all over Isengard and after he gives Denethor an atomic wedgie his friends confront him about his problem. Gandalf then goes into rehab to stop his jokes.

I wish Fatty Bolger had been in the movies.

[Boromir88]

I wish Fatty Bolger had been in the movies.
Your wish is granted, but since the actor who plays Fatty Bolger asked for so much money, Jackson couldn't go over budget and had to cut Gandalf, Aragorn, and Faramir from the cast.

I wish Sauron and Gandalf created a law firm together.

[Valesse]

I wish Fatty Bolger had been in the movies.

Your wish is my command, Kitanna!
Fredegar Bolger corners the camera man during Bilbo's party and tells a whole list of scandlous elf jokes. When Fro-jiah comes to protest Bolger calls him a scene-stealing git and punches him in the mouth. Frodo loses his front teeth during the brawl.
And now, instead of the awkward "Galadriel's mirror" scene where Legolas is first in the reflection the movie audience is welcomed by a sight of Fatty Bolger picking his nose and twitching, as it might be an after shock from having tea with that Nazgul. With a gasp of alarm, Frodo loses his balance along with a few more teeth.
Upon discovering him, Frodo kills Gollum in a jealous dental-induced rage, and never finds a way into Mordor.

I wish, instead of fighting, each confrontation would literally be a "Battle of the Bands"... or Bards for that matter.

[arcticstorm]

I wish Sauron and Gandalf created a law firm together.

your wish is my command, Sauron and Gandalf go into business together as lawyers, unfortunately because of their differing views they were always fighting and eventually ended up sueing each other.


I wish, instead of fighting, each confrontation would literally be a "Battle of the Bands"... or Bards for that matter.

your wish is granted, however it is a little known fact that Morgoth and Sauron were actually the best singers of all the ainur, so they were able to pass on the skill by giving voice lessons to all the orcs, balrogs, dragons, wearwolves, etc. in their armies and took over middle earth and valinor with their incredible voices.

I wish that Turin had married Finduilas

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Turin had married Finduilas

Your wish is granted. But it makes very little difference, she is still kidnapped by Orcs and slain by them. But Turin feels more grief and throws himself down a precipice.

I wish Beleriand had not been broken in the war of Wrath.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Beleriand had not been broken in the war of Wrath.

Your wish is granted. But because the Valar didn't use their power as much few of the Elves survived.

I wish that Gandalf had turned Grima into a worm.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Gandalf had turned Grima into a worm.

Granted. But no one seems to notice the difference.

I wish the Witch King's crown was shaped like a hot hat.

[Bergil]

excuse me, I meant zzzap. your wish is granted. the witch-king's crown is now a hot hat. unfortunately, the hat is so hot that whenever he tries to put it on, he drops it on his toes.

I wish that the barrow-downs in the book were replaced by our barrow-downs

[Glirdan]

I wish that the barrow-downs in the book were replaced by our barrow-downs

Your wish is granted. The Barrow-Downs from the book with all the dead green guys gets replaced by our Barrow-Downs that contain more green guys and girls. But they're more chatty than the old Wights and they drove Frodo into insanity and was never rescued by Tom and the Ring was eventually found by the Ring-Wraiths.

I wish that the Ring-Wraiths worked for the good guys.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that the Ring-Wraiths worked for the good guys.

Granted. But they use the language of Orthank. And help means hinder and saving means slaying. So things go a little wrong.

I wish Gandalf was not so hated by Denethor.

[Boromir88]

I wish Gandalf was not so hated by Denethor.
I grant you wish, Gandalf and Denethor are best friends, Gandalf now assists Denethor in killing Faramir. :eek:

I wish Jackson would have kept Arwen at Helm's Deep

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish Jackson would have kept Arwen at Helm's Deep


Granted. However, to balance this out, Saruman goes to Helm's Deep. Saruman knocks the old man's arrow away from his uruk-hai with staff, like what Gandalf did to Legolas' arrow, and the arrow flies into Arwen's head, killing her. Aragorn is distrought and, unable to lead his forces correctly, Helm's Deep is lost.

I wish Legolas got Gimil a box to stand on at Helm's Deep.

[Valesse]

I wish Legolas got Gimil a box to stand on at Helm's Deep.

Wouldn't you know it? Yet another fairie is having a rather rough day with her little sinuses and sneezes up another wish....on your shoulder. Yucky...

Legolas is a gentle..elf and gives Gimli a box to stand on before the battle of Helms Deep BUT during the intense battle a ladder knocks Gimli off of the box and he suffers from some might Middle Earth back pain. Not only that, but now the invaiding orcs have a cute, bulky-bearded step way down off the wall.

Later in the onslaught, the box provided goes flying with explosions (provided) and lands on Snowmane's head and renders the poor Merah unconcious. Snowmane sues Theoden for unsafe working conditions and, with a short but sweet background in how government runs, runs off to Rome (..and Roman times, I guess...)to become Caligua's horse*.

*History!: Caligua nearly made his horse a Senator of Rome. (Thankies for the pointer Kitanna!)

It is my deepest desire that orcs develop worker unions in the years prior to the War of the Ring.

[The Elf-warrior]

It is my deepest desire that orcs develop worker unions in the years prior to the War of the Ring.

Your wish is fulfilled. But Sauron suppressed those unions with brutal efficiency using the Olga-Hai and Uruks to massacre them. Grishnakh was a veteran of these wars and was made Captain of his elite interrogation squad. This was how he knew about the Ring.

I wish that Sauron was really just an eye.

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish that Sauron was really just an eye.


(Good thing I was wearing my friend's coat) Granted. Eru sees what a wasted creation the eye Sauron is and replaces him with maia named Baal*. Baal* is more effective than Sauron and Morgoth is ruler of Middle-Earth by the time of the War of Wrath.

*False god in the Bible.


I wish orcs spoke only in Spanish.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish orcs spoke only in Spanish.

Your wish is granted. However, an orc comes to your house and explains that he wants some biscuits, but you cannot understand him and so he slaps you. In the face. with a mace.

I wish Tom Bombadill had a really big hat.

[Kitanna]

I wish Tom Bombadill had a really big hat.
Tom Bombadil is now the owner of the world's largest hat. Far bigger than any ten gallon hat. He is able to hide Hobbits, Dwarves, and small children inside of it.

I wish Gimli would seize power and become the king of Gondor.

[Boromir88]

I wish Gimli would seize power and become the king of Gondor.
Woosh! And with a flick of the wand tis so. I'm sure you'll be happy. Gimli sees the political vacuum in Gondor with the death of Denethor and assumes the people wanted a Democracy! And the People shouted whilst throwing him out of town "Just because some forest bint gave you three strands of her hair is no way to decide a form of Government! Supreme Authority lies in the masses!"

(sorry couldn't resist the Pythonism)

I wish Legolas would share his strawberry scented shampoo.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Legolas would share his strawberry scented shampoo.

Your wish is granted. But Pippin drank some of it and got sick. Frodo used it as hair gel and Gimli coated his ax with it as a crude form of chemical warfare and steadfastly stuck to using only soap and water to bath.

I wish that Hurin hadn't killed Mim.

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish that Hurin hadn't killed Mim.

Granted. Hurin mistakes Mim for a small child. Mim is then humiliated by Hurin when he is spanked for being bad and is then put in the corner.


I wish hobbits would shave their feet.



(Sorry Hookbill, but I speak spanish and would give the orc his biscuits. Then I would break his mace arm due to being paranoid.) ;)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish hobbits would shave their feet.

Granted. However, with all this hair lying about in Hobbiton, the Hobbits get rather annoyed and start to become grumpy and war-like. Now, when Gandalf enters to tell Frodo of the Ring, he is driven away by angry hobbits with knives.

I wish Gaffer Gamgee had gone with the Fellowship to give his words of wisdom.

[Morsul the Dark]

You're wish is granted howeever due to his overzelous willingness to advisae he keeps talking in the old forest and the ringwraiths find frodo and the quest fails,


I wish that Sauron did get the ring back and used to its power to desztroy those obnoxious elves but kept galadriel alive becauser shes cool


**sorry dont like elves

[Eonwe]

I wish that Sauron did get the ring back and used to its power to desztroy those obnoxious elves but kept galadriel alive becauser shes cool


Your wish is granted. When Galadriel finally met face to face with Sauron, she saw something of herself in him: the will to rule. So she became his queen, and thus not cool.

I wish aragorn had killed the swarthy southernor.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish aragorn had killed the swarthy southernor.

Granted, but the Bree police arrest him and chuck him into prison and the Hobbits have to go on their own.

I wish Sauron had his own T-V game show.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Sauron had his own T-V game show.

Your wish is granted. The Running Man debuted on Mordorvision T. A. 3000 Every so often Sauron released one of his prisoners and if someone found the prisoner, dead or alive, the finder got a big prize. If the prisoner was captured alive it would be killed in some novel way, such as being fed to Shelob, for your viewing pleasure. If the prisoner survived the month he was set free. It became a big hit all across Middle-earth. But it came to an end when the Ring was destroyed. Years later, part of the platform of the New Shadow conspirators was reviving it.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Not making a wish, master Elf? :p

[The Elf-warrior]

Ooops. :o

I wish that Radagast was a professor of ornithology at the University of Minas Tirith.

[Valesse]

I wish that Radagast was a professor of ornithology at the University of Minas Tirith.

Due to the nearby roaming of flatulent unicorns, your wish has been made real!

Radagast becomes a professor of ornithology as well as the head auger for Denethor. Denethor is very impressed with Radagast's ablities and sends Faramir to learn his wise ways in thus he never becomes a Ranger of Ilithen. When Saruman comes to collect Radagast's allegience (in vain) Radagast claims that Saruman is such a fool that his brain must be less than if not equal to the wing-span of a fully laden hummingbird of the Greater West Arda.
Insulted, Saruman sends orcs to crush the unsuspecting Minas Tirith right around the same time as the attack of Pelennor field: in thus all of the Lord of the Rings heros die (or die again, in the case of Gandalf)... except for Frodo and Sam (so far).

Now aren't you glad there is no such thing as a flatulent unicorn?

I wish, like Achilles, Gil-Galad and all other elves had a weakness for Colby-Jack cheese.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

I wish, like Achilles, Gil-Galad and all other elves had a weakness for Colby-Jack cheese.

Your wish is grantet, but the weeknes for Colby-Jack cheese was a fatal weeknes and no elf could come with in a radius of 50 meters of Colby-Jack cheese with out suffering a horribel death. Sauron found this out and in the Battle of Dagorlad the Last aliance faces a army clad in Colby-Jack cheese. Of course with the elves all dead the men of Arnor and Gondor suffers a total defeat.

I wish, that Fingolfin would have defeatet Morgoth.

[Eonwe]

I wish, that Fingolfin would have defeatet Morgoth.

can you make a negative consequence for that? ;) ill try.

Your wish is granted. Unfortuantly, when Fingolfin returned, the news was out and he was an instance celebraty all across middel-earth. paperozzi stalked him day and night. fan-girls when quite crazy. eventually, he worked out a deal with thingol, and retreated to a secluded wood in South beleriand, where he spent his time fishing in the small lake, writing boring novels that never sold, and smoking cigars on this front porch while swishing away the flies. so ended Fingolfin, High Kind of teh Noldor, in a most unbecoming fasion.

i wish sauron didn''t turn evil.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

i wish sauron didn''t turn evil

Granted. However, Gandalf becomes evil instead and because he is so wise, he manages to take over the world very quickly and everything turns to durst.

I wish that when Hurin had taken Morgoth’s eyes with him when he left Angabnd so that Morgoth was blind.

[Valesse]

I wish that when Hurin had taken Morgoth’s eyes with him when he left Angabnd so that Morgoth was blind.

Boy, Hookbill, there must be something about you that stirs up these faerie's allergies but fortunately for you it grants your wish!

Hurin -yoink!- takes Morgoth's eyes when he leaves Angaband and goes on his merry way. Sauron sees what has happened to him and decides that this is the "in" thing and puts out his eyes... in retrospect he also decides that that was a very bad idea. Later... (after Sauron is defeated at the Last Alliance of Men and Elves) instead of a Great eye, he becomes a Great jaw, and instead of feeling watched wheh Frodo puts on the ring, he feels like he is getting chewed on.

Frodo, being basically bite-sized, is overwhelmed by the very thought and abandons the quest forever.

I wish Gwindor was a huge klutz, I really do.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Actually I was trying to make a reference to when Morgoth says something like "With my eyes you shall see." *shrugs* Perhaps I didn't do it that well.

I wish Gwindor was a huge klutz, I really do.

Granted. So much so that he brings about the destruction of Arda. No one is sure how, but it involved zebras and wasps.

I wish Legolas was constantly drunk in Lothlorien.

[Eonwe]

I wish Legolas was constantly drunk in Lothlorien.

Your wish is granted. Legolas hit the bottle, and when he hit the bottle, he hit it hard. He spent his days sitting on the flets, staring morosely at a half empty bottle. As the wine fell, his spirits rose. By evening, he was feeling fit as a hobbit in summer. Then he would climb down from his flet, and go out wandering in the woods of Lorien. Invariabley, his wayward feet lead him (seemingly of their own accord) into the darker parts of town. Here there were pits that waited for good souls to entrap. Invariabley, his wayward feet led him (seemingly of their own accord) into the deepest pits.

It was always the same story. There would be good friends and good drinks. But these friends were really the treacherous kind that steal your money, and you drink. After a few drinks, there would be a fight. A few chairs would be broken. Then the bouncer would try to throw him out of the pit. But he fought them. Legolas liked it in the pit. Eventually he would move on to find some new entertainment, and would walk off down the street, breaking windows with a chair-leg.


I wish Gandalf would have mediated strategic ring limitation talks between Sauron and the Elves.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

I wish Gandalf would have mediated strategic ring limitation talks between Sauron and the Elves.

Your wish is granted. With Gandalf mediating the It is agreed that no part on either side of the "Iron River" aka Anduin must have more than one long range strategic ring, this however weakens the elves most as Sauron keeps the one ring and thereby controls the ring of the elves (or forces them not to use it).


I wish that mithril armour was the currency of the Shire

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that mithril armour was the currency of the Shire

Your wish is granted. But since the Shire is so rich in Mithrill armour, the Dwarves decide to invade and soon make mincemeat of the poor little Hobbits and then they build a huge fortress in Hobbiton and so when Bilbo tries to return from his adventure with the Dwarves he cannot. So the Ring never passes to Frodo and is not destroyed.

Well done, you!

I wish Saruman was high on pipe weed when he had the parley with Gandalf after Helm's deep.

[Valesse]

I wish Saruman was high on pipe weed when he had the parley with Gandalf after Helm's deep.

Well he was! Saruman was so high that he thought that there was no need for a parley at all! So Saruman announces that "Ev-wee one ish friends here, Zoizole!" (we figure thats Gandalf's new "nick name") and even leaves the Orthanc, passing around loaded pipes. Pippin readily takes one and ignores the palantir Saruman (thinking it was a kind of heavy beach-ball) tossed to him. Gandalf was less amused, but didn't do anything about the matter, anyway.

Sauron, without any pipe weed (not like he could smoke it anyway...) or sneaky hobbits to cloud his judgement, is better able to find Frodo. --Also, Faramir burns to death since Pippin didn't show up in Gondor.

I wish Orkish poetry was recognized throughout Middle Earth.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Orkish poetry was recognized throughout Middle Earth.

Granted. It's recognized, but not widely liked.

I wish Hobbits would live in Gondor to maintain the gardens.

[Kitanna]

I wish Hobbits would live in Gondor to maintain the gardens.
Granted, but Rohan becomes jealous. And in a midnight raid the Rohirrim kidnap 15 Hobbits so that they may maintain Rohan's gardens. A bitter war breaks out over the issue. In the end neither side wins because the Hobbits refuse to do any more gardening.

I wish the men of Rohan rode giant turtles rather than horses.

[Holbytlass]

I wish the men of Rohan rode giant turtles rather than horses.
Your wish is granted, so the War of the Ring turned out very differently since Eomer took too long getting to Helm's Deep and Theoden too long to get to the Pelennor Fields.

I wish Gandalf did turn Sam into something "unnatural".

[Eonwe]

I wish Gandalf did turn Sam into something "unnatural".

after sam torqued gandalf off particularly bad, gandalf did what the gaffer always said would come of associating with "wizards, and elves, and them types as too good to get their hands dirty in a nice piece of dirt." yes, he turned sam into something quite unnatural. sam became an exact replica of the one ring, which frodo happened to pick up in his somewhat hectic departure from Bad End. when frodo finally ended up at mount doom, there was no hesitation. he cast sam into the raging fires, and turned contentedly back toward home...though he soon found out his error when a passing nuzgal spotted him.

I wish that pipe weed really existed in our world.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish that pipe weed really existed in our world.

Your wish is already granted. Pipe weed is merely a more English name for tobacco.

I wish that everyone had laughed in Feanor's face when he suggested they leave for Middle-earth.

[Ordimor]

I wish that everyone had laughed in Feanor's face when he suggested they leave for Middle-earth.

Your wish was granted. When he assembled the Noldor and submitted his plan, he had Lembas stuck in between his teeth :D - they couldn't help but laugh!


I wish the Nazgul wouldn't have ran away from Glorfindel. He was only trying to start a pick-up game of football!

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish the Nazgul wouldn't have ran away from Glorfindel. He was only trying to start a pick-up game of football!

Your wish is granted. But the Witch-King stabbed Glorfindel because he hated football.

I wish that Radagast had been wise to Saruman's evil schemes.

[Ordimor]

I wish that Radagast had been wise to Saruman's evil schemes.

Your wish has been granted. Radagast was wise to Saruman's plans, but when he sent his best courier to thwart it, he was stabbed.


I wish that all Istari had haircuts and talked like MR.T

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that all Istari had haircuts and talked like MR.T

Granted. but they all pity the fool who is a took. And Gandalf gets obsessed with keeping people away from his bins. Saruman drives a huge truck thing that digs up most of Fangorn and Radagast wears so much gold that he sinks.

I wish Lorien was more accepting of Dwarves.

[Ordimor]

Granted. but they all pity the fool who is a took. And Gandalf gets obsessed with keeping people away from his bins. Saruman drives a huge truck thing that digs up most of Fangorn and Radagast wears so much gold that he sinks.

I wish Lorien was more accepting of Dwarves.


:p HAHA HAHA HAHA

[Ordimor]

I wish Lorien was more accepting of Dwarves.


okie, dokie:

Lorien society fully accepted Dwarven culture, until the strip-mining started. After this time the Elves became split over the social ramifications of having mining done on their lands by strippers!



I wish Orome would have shown up @ the Black Gates!

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish Orome would have shown up @ the Black Gates!


Granted. Unfortunately, Orome took a fearsome form and went by the alias "The Mouth of Sauron." He was shortly beheaded by Aragorn.



I wish more trolls could speak english.

[Valesse]

I wish more trolls could speak english.

Oh but they can!

Now trolls are wandering around giving new meaning to the term "noise-pollution" chattering and singing their hearts out in open-air karaoke parties. They are so in love with their new voices and choices the trolls start booking jobs as entertainment and inviting friends to come watch... thus making dinner-out plans at fancy elvish salad bars (eatting the bars, and leaving the salad) while joining in to the musical massacre.

To make matters worse the elves have had enough, but considering their weight and diet are easily mashed into low-fat chili. But hey... its better than a burrahobbit.

I wish, just to make him even more irritating, Legolas spoke in only riddles.
(of course they'd be obvious ones :p )

[Kitanna]

I wish, just to make him even more irritating, Legolas spoke in only riddles.
(of course they'd be obvious ones :p )
Granted! Legolas now only speaks in riddles. That his why his father sent him to the Council of Elrond in the first place. Then of course the Fellowship is so annoyed with him they tie him to a tree and leave him there. Unfortunately for Middle-Earth while tied to the tree Legolas teaches the trees to talk and forever more the wood is known as the Riddle Wood and it is the most annoying in Middle-Earth.

I wish Elrond's sons had been in the Fellowship.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Elrond's sons had been in the Fellowship.

Granted. But they replace Merry and Pippin who are sent home to The Shire and are instantly sent to the lock holes by Lotho. The Ents are not roused and so Isenguard is not destroyed. But what is more irritating is the fact that Ellodan and Elrohir fight constantly with Legolas until they both wake the Balrog and all his relatives and Gandalf is the only survivor.
Gandalf leaves Moria with barely his skin and wanders into Lorien where they say he can't come in uncloaked. So Gandalf goes to Isenguard and joins Saruman and together they uncloak across the world.

Wow.

I wish Elendil had not died... ever!

[Morsul the Dark]

I wish Elendil had not died... ever!

Granted however because his father died Isuldur didnt hotbloodily cut sauron's finger off and in fact he died ands unlkike isuldur elendil became depressed and tried to kill himself but finding he was unable to die cast himself to the bottom of the ocean where he remains to this day trying to drown himself. Also Sauron won the war.

I wish Balrogs were good and helped he ents destroy Isengard

[Valesse]

I wish Balrogs were good and helped he ents destroy Isengard

Your wish is my command! (but only this once :p )

Balrogs find it in their fiery li-huge hearts to help the Entish case! Seeing what was once forest land turned into barren plain was not on any of the Balrog's personal wish list, so off they went to war.

All was not well, however, because, as you probably know (and exercise *winkwink* or at least I do) wood is perticularly flamible. The Ents, of course, were wise enough to keep their distance but the Huorn were at the mercy of the wings of shadow and flame. (Shadow already being a problem, I doubt they'd be too bothered by it, but flame! Yikes!)

During battle (assuming they made it there), or, more perticularly the freeing of the river Isen... heh. The Balrogs were none-too-happy about this, as when Gothmog gave the order to fly-- in thus avoiding the water-- they collectively found that their Balroggish...? wings were vestigile.

Whoops! Not only did you extinguish Balrogs, but you toasted Fangorn to boot! Trust you to prevent forest fires, Morsul. ;)

I wish Trolls actually did wear/knit shaw(l)s, instead of just living in one.
(...Southwestern Homonyms... shawl and Shaw...haha?)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Trolls actually did wear/knit shaw(l)s, instead of just living in one.

Your wish is granted. It seems that they knit shawls and wear them. However, they are not very good at it. They are so bad that the trolls cannot see when they wear them, but they are stubborn and wear them anyway. They bumble through the land squashing sheep and Hobbits. Eventually there is a mass Troll culling organised by Sauron, as he is so embarrassed by them that he no longer wants them. This culling, however, is thought to be an invasion and so the Rangers fight them back and are, in the process, killed by the bumbling trolls. This goes on until all other races are killed but Trolls who bumble into each other until they are dead and Middle Earth is deserted.

I wish Aslan from Narnia went to Middle Earth to have a word with Gandalf.

[Morsul the Dark]

Wish Granted Aslan begins to speak with gandalf and they become friends and Gandalf visits narnia with him unfortunately because he is away he doesnt warn frodo about the ring and the ringwraiths find him and take the ring to sauron. Gandalf finding this out stays in narnia which ironicly is where the two blue wizards had run off to

I wish Frodo Died in Mount Doom along with Gollum and Samwise got the credit for Saving Middle-Earth thus quenching annoying shoutings of Frodo Lives with a much more convincing argument Frodo Sucks**

**sorry guys i hate frodo

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Frodo Died in Mount Doom along with Gollum and Samwise got the credit for Saving Middle-Earth thus quenching annoying shoutings of Frodo Lives with a much more convincing argument Frodo Sucks

Granted. But Samwise loved his master so much that he refused to take any credit and lost some weight and took on the persona of Frodo and stole his identity. The souring of the Shire is not quite so dramatic as everyone laughs at Sam's pathetic wig.

I wish Grima Wormtong had not been killed.

[Morsul the Dark]

Granted but now as a changed man he stops stalking Eowyn he begins preaching the word as recored by Frodo and begins stalking him instead then terrified of the thought him leaving he sinks all the ships at the grey havens even the one that everyone was on killing them all no more galadriel elrong frodo bilbo or gandalf

I wishDenetor died at an early ae and Faramir was raised by gandalf alone and he still defended ithilien because gandalf wanted him too but because gandalf was supportive he didnt mess up out of fear of offending his father...or step father as it were

[The Elf-warrior]

I wishDenetor[sic] died at an early ae[sic] and Faramir was raised by gandalf[sic] alone and he still defended ithilien[sic] because gandalf[sic] wanted him too[sic] but because gandalf[sic] was supportive he didnt[sic] mess up out of fear of offending his father...or step father[sic] as it were

Your wish is granted. The flip side of this is that Boromir lived with Saruman until he was 21. Then he assumed the powers of the office of Steward. Before that Imrahil was regent. After Boromir came to Minas Tirith he stayed in touch with Saruman via the palantir. Instead of Boromir Glorfindel was chosen as a member of the Fellowship of the Ring and accompanied Frodo all the way to Mt. Doom and threw him into the volcano when he refused to destroy the Ring. The rest of the Fellowship worked to rouse the Ents to destroy Saruman, save Rohan, and overthrow his puppet Boromir, who had crowned himself King of Gondor. They succeeded but it was years before Aragorn's Kingship was universally acknowledged.

I wish Denethor was a famous charcoal maker.

[arcticstorm]

your wish is granted
Denethor is now the best charcoal maker in middle earth and the most famous one. In fat he developed self-combusting charcoal and used it in Faramir and his pyre, thus Faramir was killed before Gandalf could save him and the line of stewards perished.

I wish Feanor had made a dozen silmarills

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Feanor had made a dozen silmarills

Granted. However, when Morgoth steals them he makes a huge iron crown and so has to take on an even larger shape. Thangorodrim is now five times larger and unassailable even by the Valar. So Morgoth is still there in Bilbo's time and Smaug is forced to work for Morgoth instead of treasure hunting. Most of the Hobbits are killed in the seconded battle of sudden flame (shire reckoning 1418). But on the plus side, Sauron does not make the One ring until much, much later on, when Melkor gets bored and goes to Manwe saying, "I'm sorry."

I wish Tom Bombadill spent more time in the Shire after the War of the Ring.

[Ordimor]

I wish Tom Bombadill spent more time in the Shire after the War of the Ring.

Sure thing!

Tommy B opens up a health food store, which soon turns into the largest retail chain in all of Middle Earth. Soon his buying power brings all his suppliers to their knees and forces them to outsource most of their capital to "foreign" shores. This in turns lowers the prices at his stores but also lowers the standard of living for most of the inhabitants of Middle Earth. This importing greatly increases the wealth of the foreign nations, which in turn allow them to increase their national budgets on such necessities as "defense". In time these foreign nations grow jealous of Middle Earth and wage war upon it. By now, of course, all "great" warriors have either passed on or out of Middle Earth and Tom - as we know really isn't interested in such turmoil - is "powerless". Middle Earth is destroyed by the overzealous greed of those "executives" in charge by the very entities they were trying to eliminate.


I wish that when Gimli blew the horn of Helm Hammerhand, that the sound would have been the infamous BROWN note.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that when Gimli blew the horn of Helm Hammerhand, that the sound would have been the infamous BROWN note.

Your wish is granted. The brown note resounds around Helms Deep and all through Rohan! However, as all should know, the Brown note is one of the twelve forbidden notes and when ever anyone hears it, their ears bleed until their brains ooze out of their faces. So all the Orcs are defeated. But so are all the Men of Rohan, including Aragorn Legolas and Gimli. Minas Tirith falls. An Orc wears Denethor's coat.

I wish Bilbo and Gollum had become friends in the Misty Mountains.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Bilbo and Gollum had become friends in the Misty Mountains.

Your wish is granted. What brought them together was Bilbo's love of sushi. After the quest of Erebor they opened up a sushi resturant in Bree. But Bill Ferny was suspicious as to why Smeagol never seemed to get a day older and gave a tip to White Hand Inc. about this mystery. On a hunch Saruman rode to Bree and robbed Smeagol of the One Ring. But he ended up being besieged by Sauron but the Ents and Huorns attacked both Sauron and Saruman. After Saruman refused to surrender Gandalf led an assault through the windows of Orthanc. After they succeeded Frodo was made Ringbearer and with his faithful companion Sam went into Mordor. But at Mt. Doom Frodo claimed the Ring and threw Sam into the volcano and went with the Nazgul to Barad-Dur in imagined triumph. But Sauron snatched the Ring and became the undisputed master of Middle-earth for centuries.

I wish that Saruman was a TV infomercal titan.

[Ordimor]

I wish that Saruman was a TV infomercal titan.

... zap ... <----- it's done!
Going by his alias "Saruman", Ron Popeil starts out selling the lowly Vegomatic, which turns into a cultural sensation. He follows this up with other fantastic ideas such as the Pocket Fisherman, Mr. Microphone and the Smokeless Ashtray. Of Course these minor inventions were just a stepping-stone on his way to total domination on Middle Earth. The Vegomatic he turns into a machine to convert trees into steel for weapons. The Pocket Fisherman morphs into the great phalanx his orcs use against the Cavalry. Mr. Microphone becomes the standard equipment carried by all the Nazgul. And the Smokeless Ashtray is used to imprison the Army of the Dead!

I wish that Ghan-Buri-Ghan would have spoken with an asian accent!

[Farael]

I wish that Ghan-Buri-Ghan would have spoken with an asian accent!

If that's what you really want, so be it. But now, Theoden could not understand what Ghan-Buri-Ghan was saying and instead of getting Ghan-Buri-Ghan's help, Theoden looses his patience and spends the rest of the day chasing the wild men rather than rushing into battle. By the time he gets to Gondor, the city has been taken by Sauron and now it's called Mordor Jr.

I wish the hobbits were even more furry than what they already are

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish the hobbits were even more furry than what they already are

Granted. They become huge balls of fur that go around Middle Earth eating things. Including Orcs. So the Gondorians try to use them to defeat Mordor, but the Hobbits Eat the Gondorians instead. Strange.

I wish Gandalf had found the two blue Wizards and forced them to come back and help out.

[Morsul the Dark]

Oh those two blue wizards come back to help unfortunateky we relize why they left in the first place they are overly weak and cowardly and in an effort to sve themselves kill frodo :D then take the ring to sauron and sauron rules the world.




I wish that Boromir had lived and helped fight in minas tirith and therefore won and faramir was not forced to almost commit suicide and that denetor loved them bot equally and that he perished in his fire once he relized ow he had wasted his life.

[Valesse]

I wish that Boromir had lived and helped fight in minas tirith and therefore won and faramir was not forced to almost commit suicide and that denetor loved them bot equally and that he perished in his fire once he relized ow he had wasted his life.

Remember that coupon in your back pocket? Yeah, well guess what its good for? :p

Boromir did not die near Rauros, but went on fighting and being brave and the such. Nothing much more interesting about him happens until the posse gets to Minas Tirith unless you count those bothersome arrows sticking out of him, Treebeard mistaking him for an enting and that fiasco involving him falling face down in mud at Helms Deep. :rolleyes:

Denethor was upset and weepy about the Horn of Gondor being broken, so Faramir was in the same boat, nearly being burned alive by a hysterical father with an inexplicible love for woodwinds. Boromir, not Pippin, bravely storms in the moment that the blaze is set and rushes to free Faramir from his flame-broiled fate only to be caught in an explosive burst issued from Denethor when he suddenly reliezed that he had wasted his life. Thus catching those pesky arrows sticking out of Boromir on fire and then later killing him for good.

I wish dwarves were very deeply interested and a part of the art of interperative dance.

[Morsul the Dark]

I wish dwarves were very deeply interested and a part of the art of interperative dance.

So Gimli is the most prominent of these dancers whck makes him a nimble and strong fighter and he destroys the orcs at Helm's deep unfortunately he is also very very snobbish and when he catches legolas lkaughing at his interpretive dance move he intreprets what would happen if he killed an elf...so legolas goes bye-bye

I wish that Sam lived in Japan and became the Iron Chef Shire but the quest was still completed and sam cooked at aragorn's wedding and everyone loved the food(that wasn't posionous).

[Farael]

I wish that Sam lived in Japan and became the Iron Chef Shire but the quest was still completed and sam cooked at aragorn's wedding and everyone loved the food(that wasn't posionous).

And that's exactly what happened. The only little sidenote I'm afraid I'll have to add is that they loved it SO MUCH that they started fighting over who loved it more. One of this arguments involved Aragorn and his new wife, who decided to fill for a divorce, getting half of Gondor for herself in the process. Yet all the men of Gondor, faithful to their king decide to move to Aragorn's city, while all the women decide to follow their queen into her own city. As men and women loose contact they can't have any Gondorian kids and as men are mortal, even the men of Gondor, sooner or later they become extint because of lack of reproduction.

I wish The Ring had actually been a Silmaril

[Ordimor]

I wish The Ring had actually been a Silmaril

** TADA **

When the One-Ring was "lost" in the river Anduin it called out to the other great jewel which was "lost" in the waters of Middle Earth. Out from the sea and up from the Bay of Belfalas the Silmaril that Maglor cast away made it's way up the river like a salmon (albeit a salmon that takes thousands of years to spawn!). By the time Deagol found it the two had melded into one.

For the next couple hundred of years Earendil is forced to helplessly watch as these "buffoons" (his words not mine) possess the most wonderous of any object. The Silmaril/One-Ring or "Knuckle Duster" as it was known would be in the keep of some most unusual creatures, but Kadie was always her own master.

Most events went to plan until the day she realized that the furballs were going to throw her into the pit of despair. With this she musters all her malice and calls upon the only person capable of saving her. MacGyver shows up at the cracks of doom and uses bubble gum and a paper clip to foil the hairballs plan and claims Kadie as his own!

At this very moment she unleashes her most terrible plan. She warps Mac into a withering old man with her stories of her childhood and how much her gout hurts and why does he wheeze at night when he sleeps and nag nag nag blah blah blah.

To stop the endless blather, Mac does the only thing a reasonable man of his ability would do - he blows up Middle Earth!!

I wish the "heat-mizer" and "cold-mizer" were characters in middle earth

[Ordimor]

Bogus! I'd hate to think I killed this thread :p

[Farael]

Bogus! I'd hate to think I killed this thread :p
Well, I'm still checking it out from time to time, but I have no idea how to grant your wish as I don't know what the heat/cold-mizer are! Perhaps you could consider wishing something else?

[arcticstorm]

your wish is granted, heat-mizer and cold-mizer are now middle earthen, Cold-mizser moved to mordor and froze Mt. Doom making the destruction of the ring impossible.

[Kitanna]

And your wish arcticstorm?

[arcticstorm]

oops, every time I post here I forget and usually edit before someone catches. :o
I wish that the Uruks captured Frodo, Grishnakh found the ring, and became the new Dark Lord

[Ordimor]

Well, I'm still checking it out from time to time, but I have no idea how to grant your wish as I don't know what the heat/cold-mizer are! Perhaps you could consider wishing something else?

Farael, they are cartoon characters from the mid 70's American Christmas movie "The Year Without A Santa Claus". It's truly a classic done in the Rankin/Bass tradition.

Synopsis IMDB - "Mrs. Claus tells us about the time Santa had a bad cold and decided to take a vacation from Christmas. Two of his elves, Jingle Bells and Jangle Bells decided to go out (with Vixen) to find children to convince Santa that the Christmas spirit is still important to everybody else. But they have to get past Heat Miser and Snow Miser, first, before they land in Southtown, USA, where it never snows for Christmas. But the Miser Brothers can't agree to let it snow in Southtown. But Mrs. Santa knows their mom--Mother Nature."

The two characters are quite outrageous. I'd recommend it to anyone.

[Kitanna]

I wish that the Uruks captured Frodo, Grishnakh found the ring, and became the new Dark Lord

POOF! Grishnakh is the new Dark Lord. And what a Dark Lord he is. He makes Gollum his second in command, but this doesn't going over well because Gollum is always trying to cut off Grishnakh's hand while he's sleeping. So sick of it Grishnakh feeds Gollum to a pack of wild Hobbits.

I wish Tom Bombadil had kept the Ring when Frodo offered it.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Tom Bombadil had kept the Ring when Frodo offered it.

Your wish is granted. However, he doesn’t think it’s a very good ring and one day sells it to some passing Black Riders. Middle Earth falls in a bout of flame and Tom is the only survivor and wanders the desolate globe alone. He eventually goes Mad and by the modern era has written a book called "The Lord of the Rings" under a different name, of course.

I wish Gondolin had not been destroyed.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Gondolin had not been destroyed.

Your wish is granted. Instead it was turned into a gigantic Orc nursery.

I wish that Samwise Gamgee had killed Shelob instead of just wounding her.

[Farael]

I wish that Samwise Gamgee had killed Shelob instead of just wounding her.
So be it. What Tolkien forgot to mention in LoTR is that Mordor was full of spiders, relatives to Shelob. Even though they weren't as related to mind if someone hurt her a little but, they did mind someone killing Shelob and they attacked Frodo and Sam, got the Ring and one of them became the new Dark Lord and covered the Middle Earth with.... grose spider webs.

I wish Mt. Doom was a huge slurpee machine

[Ordimor]

I wish that Samwise Gamgee had killed Shelob instead of just wounding her.

ALAKAZAM! With Shelobs' death, the moth population in Mirkwood begins to explode. The moths begin to form such large flocks that they begin to migrate. During one of these migrations, a flock is flying over the Misty Mountains at the same time as a group of Crebain. A bolt of lightning later and Middle Earth is facing one the most devious beings ever conceived, MOTHRA!!!

I wish that Elrond would have pushed Isildur into Mount Doom!


DUH< UH Nevermind!!!

[Ordimor]

I wish Mt. Doom was a huge slurpee machine

DONE .. and more! When Sauron forges the One ring his is dismayed that he can't take it out for fear of it melting. To fix this he enlist the services of the Cold-miser. All goes well until Isildur shows up with a Super-Soaker filled with hot chocolate.

After dispatching Sauron and claiming his weregild, Isildur is urged by Elrond to travel to the "Mountain of Icy Goodness". At the Sprinkles of Slush, Isildur decides not to throw the ring in and throws Elrond in instead.


I wish that Eowyn would have jumped on the Witch Kings flying steed on stole it from under his nose.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Eowyn would have jumped on the Witch Kings flying steed on stole it from under his nose.

Pop! Look there! A hedgehog! And what's more, your wish has been granted!

Eowyn jumps on the fell beast. But then remembers that she had already cut it's head off and therefore it was rather useless. While she messes around with the beast, Merry crawls up behind the witch King and stabs him repeatedly with five different swords, all of which burn. The W-K falls to the ground and even after perishing, Merry continues to stab it.
Merry is taken to an insane asylum and Eowyn dose not lose her blood lust and eventually kills Aragorn.

I wish there were lots of Dwarves at the Battle at the Black Gate.

[Valesse]

I wish there were lots of Dwarves at the Battle at the Black Gate.
A poem for dear Hookbill:
Several faeries have gotten the flu
Unfortunately they're all sneezing on you.

So there are THOUSANDS of dwarves at the Black Gate now joinning in on that magnificent battle... but the orcs start humming "Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho Its off to work we go" and the dwarves start going crazy. Not only is it degrading to them, but it is their song! ...Well, not technically, but it still makes them pretty mad.

So the dwarves go on a rampage and trample Legolas a few times... I'm still debating if that were good or bad, but what is bad is that some of the dwarves can't handle the physical strain that is rampaging. Bombur keels over ontop of several smaller dwarves and they are trapped!

Inadvertantly dwarves are dropping dead all over the place, orcs are singing "Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho!" and people are getting squashed by the oliphants that Leg-o-lamb was supposily was suppose to take down. Gandalf trips on a battle ax, Pippin is overwhelmed by shiney objects, and Aragorn has (luckily) found a niche in some rocks where he quivers in the fetal position chanting "Why, Eru? Why?"

I wish Eowyn was a librarian.

[Kitanna]

I wish Eowyn was a librarian.

Grrranted! Eowyn is now a librarian! And when you return a book late she smites you! Little Frodo once returned Dick and Jane two days late and Eowyn strung him up by his pants on a flagpole as an example to others.

I wish Bombur wasn't fat, but a male model.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Bombur wasn't fat, but a male model.

Quoth the raven, "Granted!"
Boromir is a male model. Yep, made of 100% plastic and standing in a rather unflattering pose. He is now a plastic man. Now everyone sings this little song;

Plastic man got no brain,
Plastic man don’t feel no pain,
Plastic people look the same,

Kick his shin or tread on his face,
Pull his nose all over the place,
He can’t disfigure, or disgrace,
Plastic man!

I wish Hobbits were common throughout Middle Earth during the war of the Jewels.

[Ordimor]

I wish Hobbits were common throughout Middle Earth during the war of the Jewels.

It's a bird ... It's a plane ... NO It's a ------ WISH!!!

Hobbit's are not only common, they are absolutely everywhere! One cannot throw a rock down - well anywhere without hitting a Hobbit. But I digress ... After the many years of captivity in Angband the people of Brethil begin to feel a great weight of turmoil being levied against them. Much to the dismay of Morgoth's followers, no pressure seems too great. Unbeknownst to them, the Hobbits - with their great numbers - are capable of countering any evil placed upon the descendants of Hurin and Morwen. As such Sauron never forges his One-ring and JRRT has nothing to write about. ..sad ...


I wish ... Godzilla was a character in ME

[Farael]

I wish ... Godzilla was a character in ME

*Godzila (the movie) theme song starts playing*
And so it was, that somewhere around the year 1300 (SR) a new creature appeared out of the blue. This creature was to be the first of the youngest children of Eru. Yes you heard me right. First came the elves, with their eternal life and beauty. Then came the men with the gift from Eru. But what very few of us know is that then came Godzila. Yet, just like what happened with Men and Morgoth, Sauron was the first to find these new creatures and quickly realized the were even better than Dragons. He promised them the one thing they didn't have (good looks) and soon, countless armies of Godzileren (plural of Godzila) were sent out to conquer Middle Earth. Surely enough the combined armies of Gondor, Rohan, Lothlorien, Mirkwood and even The Shire (with their batallions of excesively furry hobbits) were defeated and a new blackness covered the world.

I wish.... I wish Frodo had had a cellular phone when he went into Mordor

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Frodo had had a cellular phone when he went into Mordor

Dun-dun-DONE!!!! It is done.
He has a cellular (or mobile) telephone in Mordor. Unfortunately, as the Orcs are searching him in Cirath Ungol, it goes off and they stamp on it. The sparks that fly from it hit a curtain that starts to burn, so the Orcs tear it down to try and put it out. One Orc catches fire and runs screaming out of the tower window and lands on a passing Nazgûl. The Nazgûl then sets on fire and starts screeching which brings all the others to the area. Soon they all catch fire and speed off in random directions. The Witch King falls in Minas Morgul that then burns to the ground damming the water. The water eventually bursts through the ruins of Morgul and floods most of Ithilian. It so happened that the missing Oliphant was swept up and fell in Osgiliath where it went on a rampage and ran to Pelenor fields and then on to Minas Tirith where it broke the walls and ate most of the inhabitants.
While in Minas Tirith, Pippin saw the Oliphant and warned Gandalf who decided to fit rockets to the tower of Ecthelion and when the beast arrived, many were blasted off towards the safety of the Shire. Unfortunately, again, the tower blew up the Shire and everyone in it.
And by the way, Frodo destroyed the ring but found that the rest of Middle Earth was destroyed already...

I wish Bombadill had given all the Hobbits Yellow boots!

[Kitanna]

I wish Bombadill had given all the Hobbits Yellow boots!
Your completely fashionable wish has been granted!

Good old Tom gives the four Hobbits their very own yellow boots! What a pity the fashion conscious Eye of Barad-Dur sees all that mismatches. Seeing the yellow boots that clash horribly with Frodo's cloak. So the Nazgul swoop in and flog the offenders and the Ring is taken where it matches perfectly with the Eye's monocle.

I wish Eomer was a famous composer and wrote an Opera entitled "The Thing I Found in my Boot"

[Valesse]

I wish Eomer was a famous composer and wrote an Opera entitled "The Thing I Found in my Boot"

Your Faerie Godmother is very pleased that you helped remind those Kappas of their place... you know... "Sleeping with the fishies" so she has agreed to grant your request.

Eomer becomes a famous composer because of his -spectacular- "The Thing I Found in my Boot". Turns out, funny enough, it was a stick of dynamite which was planted there by a perticularlly cunning orc.

As it is important to give details about said opera, I will not leave you hanging. In all it is a love story between Eomer and Nazzog, a lonely yet lovely orkish wench with nothing but the clothes on her back, her back, her extentive collection of scalps and her broken heart. They meet after a battle on the Westfold and it's love at first battle-cry. Toward the end of the play you learn that her brother, Kurumkush, was responsible for the murder of Eomer's best friend and their beautiful relationship falls to pieces... falls to pieces when one of the Orkish warriors (who Nazzog rejected for Eomer) puts dynamite in Eomer's boot.

Not only does this story bring a tear to the eyes of some wishy-washy goblins; it confuses the heck out of the orcs.. (Orkish women..?) but probably worst of all... it was a real bit of dynamite... and it was live.

I wish that orcs were employed as security guards at "Arda Airlines"

[Farael]

I wish that orcs were employed as security guards at "Arda Airlines"
Be careful with what you say because I saw Melkor around here and.... oh, no... it's too late now!

And so it was that Morgoth had his newest idea. Not only he created airports, but also delayed flights, cheap seats in which you cannot sleep and turbulences. Yet the final touch was still missing. When the free people of the Middle Earth were already getting used to the inconveniences of flight, Morgoth unveiled his latest evil. Orkish security guards! Relentless and naturaly violent, orks were just about the perfect match for the job. They enjoyed displeasing passangers in any way possible, whether that may be checking their bags.... or the dreaded cavity search (and I'm not talking about people's teeth)

I wish Feanor had named Melkor with a more cheerful name... something like "butterfly"

[Ordimor]

I wish Feanor had named Melkor with a more cheerful name... something like "butterfly"

When this wish hits 88 mph, you're going to see some serious ...... woooosh .... GRANTED!


When the first dark lord, Melkor, slew Finwe and took the Silmarils, Feanor petitioned the Valar to make war. The Valar would not allow this and refused to budge from there position. Feanor then "challenged" the Valar to a contest. If he should win, then the Valar would not stop him and his followers in pursuit. If he lost, then it was over. Morgoth - as Feanor now called Melkor - was his blood enemy and he must have his revenge!

The contest was one never heard of before. Feanor would go head - to - head against any one Valar of their choosing, but they must choose before hearing what the contest was. They choose Tulkas. For the contest, the combatants would have to sit across from each other and make no emotional gestures. If you did, you lost. During this time they were allowed to say anything they wanted.

Tulkas was allowed to go first. He questioned Feanor about his family. He asked if his people were so great, then why weren't they able to drive Morgoth back as he did. Feanor was ready to bust inside but remained poised in appearance. He answered that all things happen for some reason.

Now it was Feanor's turn. He first glared intently at Tulkas, and then whispered into his ear.
Do you know what I think of Morgoth? Feanor asked.
No Tulkas replied.
Butterfly!

Tulkas laughed!!!

Feanor won and was allowed to pursue Morgoth.

His little name for Morgoth would always be his and Tulkas' little joke.


I wish that the Entwives would have been at the battle of Isengard.

[Gil-Galad]

I wish that the Entwives would have been at the battle of Isengard.


Your wish is granted, but alas, the Entwives mocked how the Ents did the battle and they loss, and Saruman regained power and destroyed Rohan



I wish that The Evil Men were more victorious

[Farael]

I wish that The Evil Men were more victorious

This time I shall grant your wish myself.
When the soon to be King Eleassar approached the fleet of Evil Men that was heading to Minas Ithil thorugh the river, followed by the army of the dead he was surprised to find that all the Evil Men had bought replicas of his sword on E-Bay. Using such powerful swords they were not afraid of the army of the dead nor the now-never-to-be-king Eleassar and defeated them. Later they reached Minas Ithil and destroyed it to the last hut.

I wish Theoden had survived the battle and lived a long and prosperous life

[Ordimor]

I wish Theoden had survived the battle and lived a long and prosperous life


<<< It is done! >>>

In the Druadan Forest, Ghan-Buri-Ghan reveals the great secret of the Woses to Theoden: the Adamantium Fern. Found growing on ancient stone statues and woven into cloth, the material is similar to mithril - except it's pink.

The crafty Theoden trades some shiny beads for a set of Adamantium Fern underwear.

During the battle of the Pelennor Fields, the Witch-king of Angmar assails Theoden. His steed, Snowmane, rears and is struck by a dart. Snowmane falls to the ground, crushing Theoden underneath him. With the weight of his now dead horse holding him down, it would take quick thinking or great chance to survive.

Possessing both qualities enables Theoden to wield Herugrim and slay the Fell-beast and buck its master when it, carelessly believing that Theoden was fatally crushed, moves in for the final kill. In happy disbelief, Eowyn and Merry realize that the King is not dead and help him out from under his steed.

By now, the Witch-king has regained himself and moved in to attack. Theoden holds his ground in defiance which surprises the Lord of the Nazgul. His blows bounce off the wily King as if they're whispers. The Witch-king then pronounces to the Lord of the Mark that no Man may kill him.

Theoden then announces that he is no man. With this he uncloaks to reveal his underwear and proclaims that "I am no man, I am a fancy lad!" With this, the Witch-kings head explodes and is completely vanquished.

After this battle concludes and Sauron is defeated at the Battle of the Morannon, Theoden abdicates his throne to Eomer. He then turns his talents to his newest passion - lavish theatrical productions. With his signature pink overtones, Theoden becomes the embodiment of a kinder, gentler Middle Earth.

[Ordimor]

OOPs, forgot to make a wish.

I wish that Aragorn would wash his hair. I mean c'mon now - this whole slogan of his "I wash it once a year if it needs it or not" is way not cool :D

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Aragorn would wash his hair. I mean c'mon now - this whole slogan of his "I wash it once a year if it needs it or not" is way not cool :D

Granted. But as he washes his hair it all falls out and he becomes bald. No one recognises him and Arwen runs away from him. In despair he throws himself off a cliff and so no longer helps Middle Earth to overthrow Middle Earth. Sorry folks.

I wish Radagast had helped the Fellowship more.

[HerenIstarion]

I wish Radagast had helped the Fellowship more.

Your wish is granted. Radagast provides oliphaunts as beasts of burden and steeds for the Fellowship, including White Oliphaunt for Gandalf to ride on. Unfortunately, Fellowship's journey is turned into blundering and making noise like, well, elephants, that all servants of Sauron can hear a mile off, so the Quest fails...

I wish Blue Wizards would send a word to the Council of Elrond about their doings

[Bêthberry]

I wish Blue Wizards would send a word to the Council of Elrond about their doings

As you wish . . .

However, the word the mysterious wizards send is indeed blue, and so shocked are the participants at the uncharacteristic, unTolkien-like language that they immediately cancel the Council in shock and embarassment and disperse. Thus, no decision is made on how to carry the Ring south. It becomes a museum piece, exhibited beside the shards of Narsil in a display somewhat jokingly entitled "Master Elrond's Wax Museum of Horrors."

I wish that Saruman had never learned to read.

[Farael]

I wish that Saruman had never learned to read.

Granted!... next....

Oh, yeah, regarding your wish.... now it happened that Saruman had not learned to read. That is, until he run into treebeard in the forest, who took him as a student. Being Saruman incredibly smart and Treebeard incredibly knowledgeable, Saruman learned from him how to speak and read all the languages in Middle Earth. In the process Treebeard and Saruman became best friends, a friendship that no amount of wood-destroying or hobbit-induced exitement would change. The Entrs never march to war, but rather Treebeard surrenders Merry and Pippin to Saruman, who tortures them until finding out the whereabouts of Frodo, finds him and gets the ring to become Saruman the allmighty, taking over Middle Earth

Fortunately, Saruman happened to be a good ruler.... oh, wait, that's another thraed :D

I wish Bombur had joined the fellowship of the ring

[HerenIstarion]

I wish Bombur had joined the fellowship of the ring

Granted. Unfortunately, being already very fat and heavy, Bombur should be carried by four young dwarves, and since agreed number of Fellowship is nine, hobbits and Gandalf are excluded. Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas and six dwarves set out, but never reach Mordor - hungry Bombur, having eaten all the provisions, eats firts Legolas, than Boromir, than Aragorn, than his four porters and Gimli and finally the Ring. Though Rings of Power are said to be destroyable in Dragon-fire only, dwarven gastric juices offer acid strong enough for One Ring to be melted, Middle-Earth is saved, Arwen stays immortal, Denethor remains the Steward and everybody but for the eaten and their relatives (who mourn just a little) lives happily ever after.

I wish orks would repent and be pardoned

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Your wish is my command.

Unfortunately, due to the confusion over where Orcs come from in the first place, the granting of this wish causes Ea to vanish into a gaping plot hole. With no reality from which he can be excluded, Morgoth is free to build his own planet, which he peoples with more Orcs. He deliberately keeps their origins a secret.

I wish that more of the Book of Mazarbul was recorded in the Red Book

[Ordimor]

I wish that more of the Book of Mazarbul was recorded in the Red Book

............ *** POP *** >>>> It's done!


After Gandalf discovers the Book of Mazarbul in Balin's Chamber and gives it to Gimli, it is carried out of Moria. At Parth Galen, Gimli falsely (somewhat) believes that the Fellowship will be destroyed and decides that the best chance for survival of some part of the already mostly destroyed book is to divide the remaining legible pages amongst the company. So few were the pieces that each member received less than 5 pages.

When Frodo decided to sit down and write out his adventures in the Red Book of Westmarch, he remembered something that Gimli had given him. He went to his chest and retrieved the pages. Sadly only one page survived the arduous journey that it had been through. Frodo translated and copied the text word for word into the Red Book. After doing so he finally realized what the words meant. As such, he followed the print word for word and afterwards was extremely satisfied!

And that's where the recipe for Matzo-Ball soup came from.



I wish that Mel Brooks would have done a version of LOTR.

[Kitanna]

I wish that Mel Brooks would have done a version of LOTR.
Granted! And the end result? Well for one thing Denethor's death stays exactly the same. There's a wedding scene using the same priest from Spaceballs. Gandalf is replaced by a Jewish Rabbi. And there's a big musical number with Gandalf and the Balrog having a tap dancing contest.

I wish the Ents had come to help defend Minas Tirith.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish the Ents had come to help defend Minas Tirith.

Granted. However, they defend it by throwing bits of it at the Orcs until its no longer worth defending.

I wish the Barrow Wights had decided to help the Hobbits after Tom came.

[Farael]

I wish the Barrow Wights had decided to help the Hobbits after Tom came.

Alright, we mix in some Shelob legs, add just a bit of hobbit feet hair and mix it all on molten lava from Mt. Doom and voila!! your wish is granted.

But there was one small inconvenience. The Barrow Wights were really mad at the army of the dead that Argorn uses to drive away the enemies during the siege of Minas Tirith and when Argorn goes to make the army of the dead fight for him they say "not with those whights we are not!" and vanish into a thick mist. The fellowship gets lost in the mist until they starve to death (all but the Barrow Wights who starve back to life) and become part of the armies of the dead.

I wish Gandalf could change into a big eye made of water rather than fire

[Farael]

did I kill this thread :( hope not....

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Gandalf could change into a big eye made of water rather than fire

Granted. However, he soon evaporates and everyone laughs at him. In shame, Gandalf returns to Valinor and hides in a little cottage in the country.

I wish Gandalf kept a large supply of food inside his hat.

[Kitanna]

I wish Gandalf kept a large supply of food inside his hat.

Granted! And how wonderful it is! Instead of the Fellowship carrying packs of food, they stick it all in Gandalf's hat. For a while this goes great for them. Though a few arguments break out when Gandalf is sleeping about who should retrieve the hat or arguments about who gets to guard the hat while Gandalf is sleeping, for the most part the food storing hat works well. Until of course Gandalf and his hat fall in Moria. With no food, the Fellowship starves to death before reaching Lothlorien. All except Gimli that is. After the first Hobbit died he ate him without telling the others. When Aragorn asked what happened to the Hobbit Gimli just said "He fell down a well."

I wish Saruman was a giant panda.

[Farael]

I wish Saruman was a giant panda.

Deal! and as you just got murdered by a hero in Werewolf:The villagers strike back I shall do it for free.

After defeating Saruman's army in Helm's Deep Gandalf rides to Isengard to confront the former white wizard. When he gets there, he finds a cute panda sitting atop Treebeard. The Ent explained it was actually Saruman, who was trying to cast a spell to bring pandemonium to the Rohan troops but messed up something and got himself transformed into a panda instead. Gandalf started arguing with the now-panda wizard yet Treebeard snapped at Gandalf, for pandas were endangered species in Middle Earth too. When Gandalf kept on interrogating Saruman Treebeard lost his patience and hastily smacked Gandalf, Aragorn and everyone else (even the hobbits) to the ground. That was the end of the hopes for Minas Tirith, Frodo did destroy the ring only to find that the world had been taken over by Sauron.

I wish Aragorn had been a werewolf!

[arcticstorm]

your wish is granted, unfortunately, he was not a very good werewolf and he is lynched by the vilagers on day 1
Because of this, Gondor never again has a king.

I wish a army of trolls fought alongside the rohirrim at helm's deep.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish a army of trolls fought alongside the rohirrim at helm's deep.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately the trolls got hungry and ate most of the Rohirrim (And Legolas.) But Minas Tirith was saved by the Ents and Huorns. But Eomer was killed after only six months as King fighting the Trolls in the caverns of Helm's Deep. Thus Faramir became King of the Rohirrim.

I wish Bakshi had done Pt. 2 of Lord of the Rings.

[The Elf-warrior]

Anybody want to take a stab at it?

Edit: 500th post! Yippee!

[Farael]

Anybody want to take a stab at it?

Edit: 500th post! Yippee!
I would, but I have no idea who Bakashi may be.... if you make another wish I'll do it

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Bakshi had done Pt. 2 of Lord of the Rings.

Your wish is granted. However, he makes more changes than Peter Jackson did. In fact, despite being under the title of 'The Lord of the Rings' it is, in fact, just his grandmother rambling for three hours about the one time she found a penny under the sink.

I wish Frodo had grown a new finger after Gollum bit the old one off.

[Eonwe]

I wish Frodo had grown a new finger after Gollum bit the old one off.

Your wish beith grantedith! Unfortunatley, the finger has a mind of its own, and strangled Frodo!

I wish Tulkas would have come and challenged Morgoth to single combat so Fingolfin wouldn't have to die.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Tulkas would have come and challenged Morgoth to single combat so Fingolfin wouldn't have to die.

Your wish is granted. But Tulkas fought without a sword and was sliced and diced by Morgoth. The Valar were enraged and did the War of Wrath years early. Earendil never became a star and so Galadriel gave Frodo a flashlight which didn't stop Shelob from eating Frodo and Sam. Gollum only had his Precious a few days before a Ringwraith found him.

I wish Gollum had repented and confessed that he was leading the Hobbits into a trap.

Note: Ralph Bakshi is a director of mostly animated films. He made an animated version of Lord of the Rings which was supposed to be in two parts but the second part was never made. link (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lord_of_the_Rings_%281978_movie%29)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Gollum had repented and confessed that he was leading the Hobbits into a trap.

Granted. However, The Hobbits feel so happy for Gollum that they throw him a party in the middle of Mordor and Sam invites some Orcs that were passing. They are soon captured and thrown in prison with the ring taken off them. Frodo goes mad and kills Sam and Gollum, then himself. Sauron takes over Middle Earth and everyone is enslaved. Even Gandalf, who has his cloak glued to his skin.

I wish that Helm's Deep had not had a hole blown in it.

[Farael]

I wish that Helm's Deep had not had a hole blown in it.

Granted!! although what most people are not aware of is that Saruman blew that hole at the request of Gandalf (who had ridden like crazy all night to ask him this) for Helm's Deep had been hermetically closed and it had been slowly filling up with inert gases until the pressure was so high it would have crushed a grown up dwarf. This is why, when the wall was slightly breached (as was the original plan) the escaping gas suddenly ignited and blew half the wall off.

I wish Aragorn had been one of the Istari

[Formendacil]

I wish Aragorn had been one of the Istari

Foolish, foolish Farael!

For Aragorn to be an Istari, that means that his REAL father was not Arathorn- but Gandalf! Which explains the closeness of the two, to be sure, but this has drastic consequences, for Aragorn no longer has a claim to any thrones, nor does he have the Sword-that-was-broken, or the "Hands of the King that are the Hands of a Healer".

The story goes as normal, but no King means that Faramir, Eowyn, and Merry die. Gandalf, not Aragorn, looks into the Palantir, and the battle at the Black Gate is a massacre. After the inevitable destruction of the Ring, Gondor is in shambles, its remnants ruled by the House of Dol Amroth. Rohan has lost half it's men, and there is no king to reunite the Realms.

Aragorn, being half-Maia, goes with Arwen to Valinor, and is still there with her today.

I wish that Merry and Pippin were actually one character...

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish that Merry and Pippin were actually one character...

Your wish is granted and this composite character had two personalities, Pippin and Merry. Instead of Merry Glorfindel was a member of the Fellowship of the Ring. So instead of the Three Hunters it was the Four Hunters. Also Glorfindel won the Orc killing contest with 45. But Faramir was burned to death because Meregrin (Actually named Peregrin) went with the Rohirrim (Pippin thought better of looking in the Palantir and put it back.) Eowyn ended up marrying the Prince of Dol Amroth.

I wish Gollum was the Phantom of the Opera.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Gollum was the Phantom of the Opera.

Granted. Yet strangely, there appears to be no effect on him. Save, perhaps, a strange craving for a Church Organ.

I wish Grond's head was a big thumbs up instead of a wolf http://forum.barrowdowns.com/ubb/icons/icon14.gif

[Kitanna]

I wish Grond's head was a big thumbs up instead of a wolf http://forum.barrowdowns.com/ubb/icons/icon14.gif
And thus it was, Grond is now a thumb's up! And everyone in Gondor is caught off guard, how's that for the element of surprise?


I wish dwarves danced the can-can.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

I wish dwarves danced the can-can.

Can-can was now a thing all dwarves learned at the age of 5, temples was build to honor the can-can god and special can-can soldiers was trained. The Valar found that this was very silly and killed off all the dwarves.


I wish that all Hobbits were Ninjas and named Josti

[Farael]

I wish that all Hobbits were Ninjas and named Josti

Great! now the hobbits are not only ring-resistant, small and sneaky but they are also extremely skillful Ninjas.... but there is one problem. As you wished, they are all called Josti. How could THAT be a problem? well... Josti was the one chosen to carry the ring.... and so Gandalf, who had not seen Josti for the longest time, asked some random hobbit where Josti lived. He went over to find that "Bag-end" (now known as Josti's house) had changed quite a bit.... it certainly had, as it is was not Bag-end but rather some other Josti's house. This Josti turned out to be the odd evil hobbit and gave the ring to Sauron for the modest price of a shipload of weed pipe. The world was covered in a second darkness until the end of the days. Now-a-days that darkness is called "Capitalism" (to honour Rune's seemily communist trends)

I wish Samwise Gamgee had been a Middle-Earth renowned soccer player

[Boromir88]

I wish Samwise Gamgee had been a Middle-Earth renowned soccer player

Your wish is granted. Samwise Gamgee becomes the greatest soccer player ever-known, he even surpasses the great tales of the legendary David Beckham. But, Sam now has no time to fiddle around and be Frodo's servant and companion so when the decision comes and Gandalf tells Sam to travel with Frodo. Sam, being so great and mighty tells the old fool to buzz off and Frodo dies before he meets Tom Bombadil and Sauron conquers Middle-earth.

I wish Denethor was Isildur's heir and Aragorn was the Steward of Gondor.

[arcticstorm]

I wish Denethor was Isildur's heir and Aragorn was the Steward of Gondor.

your wish is granted: aragorn is not stupid enought ot commit suicide and as a result, at denethor's return to claim the throne, civil war ensues as to who is the rightful rular of Gondor. sauron sits back and laughs because this squabble prevented the diversion at the black gate, FInally 50 years later when the Gondorians are completely decimated at eachother's hands, sauron come in with two small batallions of snagas and wipes gondor off the face of middle earth.

I wish that Bilbo would have been married

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish that Bilbo would have been married

Your wish is granted. But his wife couldn't keep the Ring a secret and told Lobelia about it.

I wish Bilbo was an opera singer.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Bilbo was an opera singer.

Granted. But he is not very good at it and is broken hearted when he doesn’t get a part in 'The Hobbit: The Opera'. So he commits suicide a week before Drogo and his wife die. Shame.

I wish Gandalf was dressed as a clown during the siege of Gondor.

[Valier]

I wish Gandalf was dressed as a clown during the siege of Gondor

Your wish is granted. But the clown suit didn't last long,because Ganndie could't find a suitable hat to match,and he thought the suit made is beard look weird.

I wish that Aragorn snorted like a pig when he laughed,which he would do alot!

[Farael]

I wish that Aragorn snorted like a pig when he laughed,which he would do alot!

Granted! Sadly, Arwen was Jewish and pigs are not Kosher (edible according to jewish law). Yet Arwen had a secret craving for pig meat, which was made worse by Aragorn's constant pig-snorting. To make a long (even for elvish standards) story short, she dumped him on a rainy day on the steps of Minas Tirith.

I wish that when Arwen goes to Gondor after the end of the war of the Ring, she has gained LOTS of weight

[Formendacil]

I wish that when Arwen goes to Gondor after the end of the war of the Ring, she has gained LOTS of weight

Lots of weight, you say?

Does a tonne sound about right?

So Arwen shows up in Gondor with an extra tonne. However, Elves don't getter fatter when they get heavier, merely denser. Therefore, Arwen LOOKED the same, so Aragorn didn't notice anything- until their wedding day, when she jumped into his arms for him to carry across the threshold of the citadel.

It was a disaster. Aragorn broke both arms, as well as his back, rendering him a paraplegic- thus leaving the care of the realm to Faramir. Arwen was too embarrassed to ever appear in public again. Elrond and the other Elves were mortally embarrassed as well, disappearing in the night, and thus not allowing Elrond and Arwen to have their poignant good-bye.

I wish Galadriel had a mustache....

[Kitanna]

I wish Galadriel had a mustache....
Grossly granted.

The Lady Galadriel now has a mustache and upon seeing her the Hobbits have the great idea of starting a Middle-Earth Freak show, including the bearded elf, the greasy king, and Gimli. Of course with the Lady's facial hair, Gimli falls even more in love with her. They run away from the freak show together and elope, one moving to Bree where they can live in peace.

I wish Thorin hadn't died in battle.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Thorin hadn't died in battle.

Woosh! Your wish is granted! Thorin doesn’t die in battle. Instead, he dies of alcohol poisoning at the party the next day. Bilbo is told he died in battle.

I wish Théoden's horse, Snowmane, had eaten the Witch King's steed.

[narfforc]

I wish it was real, apart from the Elves, the filthy Tarks, oh and them tree thingies, and that damn meddling wizard, not forgetting them little rat-men from the north. But above all, I wish that the nice Mr Sauron was still alive

[Farael]

I wish Théoden's horse, Snowmane, had eaten the Witch King's steed.

It had been a harsh Winter in Rohan, no food for the people, much less for the horses... yet they rode off to battle and to the aid of their allies. The Witch King appears in front of Theoden King and Snowmane seizes the oportunity. While being starved by the famine, the horses of Rohan had learned to eat birds and such little animals, so finding the HUGE animal the Witch King was riding on Snowmane could not stop himself from taking a bite. Then another. Then the other horses came in.... by the end of the day, it was actually Snowmane who defeated the Witch King (not a man, so it's still possible). Unfortunately for Theoden, Snowmane then decided to roll over and lay on his back as he was pretty satisfied and crushed the King under him.

I wish Legolas had been named High King because of a mistake by Gandalf

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Legolas had been named High King because of a mistake by Gandalf

Your wish is granted. But when he announced that he was engaged to Mary-Sue his royal council gave him an ultimatum: either cancel his engagement or abdicate. Legolas abdicated and moved back to Mirkwood with his bride. Aragorn became the new High King. But King Thranduil disinherited Legolas, who moved to Ithilien. He sailed to the Lonely Isle twenty years later after Mary-Sue was killed by a hunter who thought she was a wild cow.

I wish that Turin hadn't married his sister.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Turin hadn't married his sister.

Your wish is Richard E Granted.
Instead of marrying his sister, Turin marries himself. This bizarre relationship goes to the extreme when he confronts Glarung and speaks as if he is two people. It goes something like this:

Glaurung: Hail Turin, son of Hurin.

Turin: I'll kill you, wym! Yeah, me too! And then you'll be sorry.

Glaurung: ...

Tutin: Don’t try anything funny, or I'll gut you! He'll do it! He's insane. Don't call me insane! Just try and stop me! All right, that's it! Go on then, see if I care!

Only, slightly worse.

I wish there were Hobbit Tramps in Hobbiton.

[Valesse]

I wish there were Hobbit Tramps in Hobbiton.
I don't even want to know why. :rolleyes: :p

So Hobbiton becomes Harleton and all of a sudden that One hundred and eleventh birthday becomes a -little- bit more exciting. Considering his age and obvious pending heart conditions once Bilbo gives up the ring he drops dead at his little round door (much to the horror of Frodo.)

A huge contravercy starts up about "who murdered Old man Baggins" when the question is raised why Gandalf even goes there in the first place. After a bit of stammering (and giggles from the less desirable crowd) Gandalf explains that he is the Middle Earth version of an anthropologist (not in his words) and even though he was alone with Mr. Baggins had no affect on his untimely end.

Uh-huh. Riiiight.

Of course... with no more Bilbo Frodo feels no need to travel with him and remains in Bag End growing fat and old to the glee of his neighbors. That is... until Gandalf returns to throw the ring into the fire. Now the time has come for Frodo to leave Hobbiton and move to Cricket Hallow.

"B-but what about my one hundred and eleventh birthday!" squeaked the corpulent Frodo Baggins.

Peeking over the hedge Sam hissed back in "Get Rosie to dance!"

I wish Elladan and Elrohir were avid wrestlers with a very poor sense of timing.

[Farael]

I wish Elladan and Elrohir were avid wrestlers with a very poor sense of timing.

1...2...3... Granted!! Although it only works in the movie version of what I am about to tell.
The army of the free people of Middle Earth was outside the Black Gates, facing an army that overwhelmed them in sheer numbers. Everything seemed lost when, with a loud "pufft" the ring fell into the fires of Mt. Doom and everything done by Sauron collapsed. The Black Gates caved in and fell into a huge, bottomless pit that had just formed, along with half of the now defeated Sauron's army. For some odd reason the Gondorian army was spared... most of it anyway.
Elladan and Elohir, feeling dissapointed that the battle lasted such little time decided to start one of their random wrestling bouts. At the same time, Aragorn was walking over to the bottomless pit to see what had happened. Elladan grabbed Elohir on a head-lock, Elohir kicked hard and accidentally tripped Aragorn into the bottomless pit. He has not reached the bottom yet. Odds are, he never will. Bottomless, y'know

I wish Sauron had another weakness besides destroying the ring.... I wish he had been terribly alergic to starfish

[Kitanna]

I wish Sauron had another weakness besides destroying the ring.... I wish he had been terribly alergic to starfish
Granted, but what a pity there are so few starfish in Mordor. But when the free peoples heard of this they spent all their time trying to find just one starfish. Once they did they had the eagles drop it off on the step of Barad-Dur, thus evil was defeated and a starfish feast ensued.

I wish Gandalf had a split-personality.

[Valesse]

I wish Gandalf had a split-personality.
oh fo' sho.

To the simpathetic Istari Gandalf might be called either Gandalf the Grey.. Gandalf the White.. or Brandon the slightly Desert-Sage.

His many travels into the land of the Shire were riddled with mystery, as he was, quite mysterious personality-wise. None of the hobbits were able to quite pin down what the Big person meant when he would mutter "toddle off and scent your own tea!" for instance... or "Confounded fool! you misplaced my rune-stamp again!" as there was very obviously no one there that he was speaking to.

Being perticularly dominate, Gandalf held his own during Bilbo's adventures and retreated into the Wilder Country when, much to his shame, Brandon decided to act up. In Rivendell Elrond expelled Brandon (and in affect Gandalf) from the Council many a time for loudly humming showtunes to himself.

It was, however, in Moria Brandon and Gandalf were to make their mark on history. Brandon the slightly Desert-Sage, it seemed, had an obsession with collecting antiques and just who would he be without an heirloom from the Second Age? In an act of desperation he pulled Frodo away from the rest of the company by the chain around his neck but tripped over an ill-placed dwarvian flute.

The Fellowship, now hopelessly lost, were overcome by an onslaught of orcs and loud, lingering "Eeeeee!" and pathetic whimpering sounds coming from a very deep ravine.

I wish the Fellowship members were all on a strictly sushi diet.

[Kitanna]

I wish the Fellowship members were all on a strictly sushi diet.
GRANTED! But it makes them all very testy. Every little thing bothers them and many fights break out due to lack of different foods. They decide to end the suishi diet after stoning Legolas to death because he was eating an apple instead of sushi.

I wish Merry was a NASCAR driver.

[JennyHallu]

*POOF!*

As the first ever NASCAR racer to need pedal extensions, the rookie Meriadoc Brandybuck had a built-in fan base in TGWBS and other vertically challenged individuals. Unfortunately, his career was short lived when he discovered why the officials frowned upon his habit of sitting on a all-too-flammable telephone book in order to see over the wheel, as well as his refusal to wear flame retardant shoes...

No more fuzzy hobbit...


I wish that Boromir played football.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Boromir played football.

Whoosh! Your wish is granted! Boromir plays Football. unfortunately, no one in Middle Earth does, save for the stone giants. So he challenges them to a game. It goes to a penalty shootout and Boromir breaks his foot when he trips over. The Stone giants laugh so hard that they fall on top of him and squish him.

I wish Shelob had got her own mini series after The Lord of the Rings.

[Farael]

I wish Shelob had got her own mini series after The Lord of the Rings.
"Aqui esta, y ya lo ves, Miss Shelob ella es!" And that was the catch phrase of the new SHELOB mini-series. Sadly, it was in Spanish and the "common tounge" of Middle Earth strangely resembles English, not Spanish. It wasn't quite a hit, so Shelob made as Ungoliant and ate all the light of the world. It took a while, but since she was on TV for a while, people would let her into their houses and steal the light quite easily. After all of the Fellowship's efforts, the world WAS covered in a second darkness after all.

I wish Legolas was still alive, still living in "Middle Earth" (which now is what we call "Planet Earth") and posting on the 'downs

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Legolas was still alive, still living in "Middle Earth" (which now is what we call "Planet Earth") and posting on the 'downs

Your wish is granted. But when it was revealed that The Barrow-Wight was Legolas mass chaos erupted. The news reached the New York Times with the headline, "Stern forum moderater is Legolas." His house was mobbed by fangirls and others who wanted to talk with a member of the Fellowship of the Ring. But he was not there. He had fled to the woods of West Virginia. At least the Balrog wing debate was solved because of The Barrow-Wight's vote in the Balrog wing poll. But The Phantom became the new moderater and the members yearned for the days of The Barrow-Wight.

I wish Saruman hadn't turned bad.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Saruman hadn't turned bad.

Your wish is granted. He takes up Tennis instead of becoming evil. He turns all of Isenguard into a giant Tennis stadium and plays endlessly against Gandalf and the other Istari. Gandalf is distracted by the final of the Saruman Cup and does not warn Bilbo about giving away the Ring and so takes it to Rivendell.
Sauron attacks Rivendel and Bilbo is cast out for being selfish. The Dark lord regains the Ring and launches an all out attack on Middle Earth. Gandalf doesn’t finish his game against Saruman and returns to Valinor and sulks.

I wish The Balrog had decided to be civil and not tried to kill the Fellowship. Offering them a cup of tea instead.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

I wish The Balrog had decided to be civil and not tried to kill the Fellowship. Offering them a cup of tea instead. (Dr. Hoo)Your wish is granted. The Fellowship decides to have tea with the Balrog. Their stay lengthens to a week, and then a month. Frodo quickly becomes good friends with the Balrog, impressed by his charm and wit. The Balrog then declares that he is actually a she, a sister of Arien (who, after all, is also a spirit of fire, albeit uncorrupted). Frodo's affection turns to love, and they get married on top of Zirakzigil, in a ceremony done by Gandalf.

When Frodo was about to put the Ring (yes, the One Ring!) on the Balrog's finger, a Nazgûl takes the Ring, Gandalf suddenly uncloaks, and Pippin throws himself in next time. Utter confusion!

I wish Huan just laid the smackdown on Sauron.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Huan just laid the smackdown on Sauron.

Granted. He lays 'the smackdown' on Sauron. 'The smackdown', of course, being a secret of Huan's for making toasted cheese. He lays the cheese on wolf Sauron who accepts this gift and they share it with Luthien. She turns out to be lactose intolerant and swells up like a balloon and floats away for some reason. Huan and Sauron become best friends.

I wish the three Troll's mothers had appeared in The Lord of the Rings for revenge!

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish the three Troll's mothers had appeared in The Lord of the Rings for revenge!

Your wish is granted. They came to the Barrow-downs but the Barrow-wight sent them away because he hated Trolls.

I wish that Pippin was an inveterate practical joker.

[Legolas in spandex]

Your wish is granted. They came to the Barrow-downs but the Barrow-wight sent them away because he hated Trolls.

I wish that Pippin was an inveterate practical joker.

Your wish is granted, but he put a banana peel beneath you as you travel on the mountains of Mirkwood and you slip off and fall to your death.

I wish that there would be a section of LotR where the lady elves dance to R&B

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that there would be a section of LotR where the lady elves dance to R&B

Granted. But no one in the whole of middle Earth likes "R&B" and so all the armies in the whole realm attack them. Sauron decides to join forces with Elrond and Galadriel so that they can flatten them all with a thousand million Orcs with earplugs. Unfortunately, after the music is stopped and the elves destroyed, Sauron turns of the other armies and slaughters them all.
Woe!

I wish Sauron had gone on holiday when Melkor wanted to turn him to his will.

[Farael]

I wish Sauron had gone on holiday when Melkor wanted to turn him to his will.

Going once... going twice... it's... granted!!
Melkor, Morgoth or however you fancy calling him was trying to gather all those who could be bent towards evil around him. His first choice for a second in command was this Maiar who went by the name of Sauron. He was mighty among Maiar yet weaker than Morgoth himself.

When Melkor went looking for him, he found that Sauron had gone for a fishing trip with his friend Varda :eek:. With his incredible cunning, Melkor decided to try to make Manwe jealous and convince him to join the dark side to "show them all"

And indeed, the Melkor-Manwe duo did show them all. All of them. Even Eru himself.

I wish Balrogs had spikes like a porcupine

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

I wish Balrogs had spikes like a porcupine (Farael)Wish No. 419 is approved. Morgoth hated what they look like, so much that he smote them all to the ground, and built Enigmas on hang-gliders instead.

The captain of this new force, is of course, Tom Bombadil.

Their singing drove everyone mad. The Music that built the World was irretrievably altered. Eru intervened and destroyed everything, and forgot to exempt himself from his act of destruction.

NOTHING WINS!

I wish Eärnil did not take the challenge of the Witch-King.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

I wish Eärnil did not take the challenge of the Witch-King.

He did not accept the challenge. Instead he stayed home and wached how his kingdom declined, the other kings of Middle-Earth started calling him names and teasing him. Not only because he was a chiken and his kingdom was on the brink of destruction, but allso did not get any "action". At one point he could not take it anymore and threw him self in the Anduin.


I wish that Finwe was the greatest tap-dancer ever.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Finwe was the greatest tap-dancer ever.

Granted. He tap-dances his way into the hearts of all of Middle Earth. Even old Morgoth decides to come and watch him. However, one of the Balrogs gets a little over excited and tries to join him, but only ends up falling on top of him. The Elves get rather annoyed and try to fight Morgoth off. But he consumes them all in fire! Oh dear!

I wish Frodo had found a working London Bus in Mordor.

[JennyHallu]

I wish Frodo had found a working London Bus in Mordor.

Well...I think we could manage that one...

Frodo and Sam are almost run over on their way to Mount Doom by the bus. They decide to take the upper story for novelty and the view, and ride on to Mount Doom in comfort. Unfortunately, they were not the only ones on the bus, and are eaten by some tourist-wargs from the Grey Mountains, who incidentally, went home with some very interesting souvenirs to show their neighbors, as well as a lot of photos of boring flatlands and smokey stuff.

Incidentally, the bus arrived at Mount Doom late.


I wish that Hobbits loved swimming.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

I wish that Hobbits loved swimming. (JennyHallu)Going . . . going . . . granted! Hobbits loved swimming so much, they left their hobbit-holes and built houses on rafts. The sea level rose considerably due to the number of (rotund) Hobbits dwelling on the coast of Middle-earth, and many major ports were inundated.

I wish Balrogs had . . . yellow boots.

(Got ya there for a moment, didn't ya? ;) )

[Kitanna]

I wish Balrogs had . . . yellow boots.

Granted. Balrogs are now very fashionable in their yellow boots. But once word of this reached Tom Bombadil he threatened to sue any Balrog caught wearing yellow boots. He felt their new fashion trend was ripping off his copyrighted look. The case was settled outside of court. The Balrogs agreed to wear Stiletto heels inside of boots. Then everyone was happy. Tom's look remained his and his alone and the Balrogs became the first transvestites of Middle-Earth.

I wish Elrond had taken the Ring from Isildur and become the new Dark Lord.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Elrond had taken the Ring from Isildur and become the new Dark Lord.

G- g- g- g- g- g- g- g- g- g- granted. He takes the Ring and becomes the most terrible creature imaginable! Unfortunately, he insists that the Barrow Downs is turned into a dumping ground for all of Middle Earth's waste and so all us Wights have nowhere to go to talk of Middle Earth and it's peoples. Incidentally, all Wights are sent to work in the mines. Eventually the Wights lead a revolt against Elrong (as he is called) and bring him down, tossing the ring into Mount Doom and going away with the feeling of a job well done.
Unfortunately, again, the Wights become the NEW masters of Middle Earth, but do not do a good job of it. They spend too much time arguing over whether Balrogs have wings and who Tom Bombadill is, and all of Middle Earth falls into disrepair until all the Wights fade away randomly one day...

I wish Anduril had a happy face drawn on it somewhere among the other symbols.

[JennyHallu]

Granted! A beautiful stylized happy face is etched into the blade just below the pommel. A little known trivia fact is that the face is actual microscopic elvish script saying "Thank you, and have a nice day"

I wish that Arwen wore pants.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Don't forget to quote the wish you are granting.

AND

Remember to make an ironic or comical twist to the granting of the wish!

I wish that Arwen wore pants.

Granted. She wears pants. Clown pants. Aragorn cannot look at her without laughing. Eventually se is so humiliated she dives off a cliff and is never seen again... ooohhh. Mysterious!

I wish Wormtoung had been REALY FAT!

[JennyHallu]

I wish Wormtoung had been REALY FAT!
Well I suppose I may be alone in this, but I thought both the idea of Elvish microtext, and "Have a nice day" being written on a sword WAS comic and ironic.

Oh well, I'll grant your wish anyway. *POOF*

Wormtongue was a large beach ball of a man, and resembled nothing so much as a Weeble. Instead of throwing the Palantir out of Orthanc, he threw himself, bouncing cheerfully down the stairs, squishing Gandalf and the company, and floating merrily away upon the waters released by the Ents. Saruman gave him a promotion, and Gandalf&Co. were reinflated only after intensive research and development.

I wish Legolas had been a girl.

[Kitanna]

I wish Legolas had been a girl.
Granted. Pity no one could tell the difference.

I wish Galadriel had left Celeborn for Gimli.

[JennyHallu]

I wish Galadriel had left Celeborn for Gimli.
Granted...why else did you think they let Gimli go to Valinor, while poor Celly stayed behind and took care of Lothlorien? Incidentally, Celeborn, in revenge, had a wild fling with Legolass when he finally did catch up with the duo.

I wish Sauron's forces were defeated by Eskimos.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Sauron's forces were defeated by Eskimos.

Granted. But when it is reported in "The Gondorian Herald" they state; "Eskimos see off Sauron!" But, as we all know, Eskimos prefer to be called 'Inuits' (is that how you spell it?). And so they lay siege to Gondor and leave it in ruins and so take over Middle Earth in the fashion.

I wish Tom Bombadill had a large collection of wigs that he showed to everyone he met.

[JennyHallu]

I wish Tom Bombadill had a large collection of wigs that he showed to everyone he met.
Oh...okay! :D

Bombadil was so excited about his wig collection, that he enlisted Goldberry as his lovely model, and toured ME in a wagon (painted purple). His proudest sale was a wig based on the luscious locks of Galadrilyn Monroe to Saruman himself, who wore it every day. He looked so ridiculous his orcs deserted him to form a travelling circus and comedy troupe (as they'd always wanted to), and most of the War of the Rings involved waiting around for Frodo to finish up so life wouldn't be so BORING!

I wish the orcs were all armed with...BANANAS! (Do you know what to do when an orc attacks you with a banana?)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish the orcs were all armed with...BANANAS! (Do you know what to do when an orc attacks you with a banana?)

Granted and a half.

The Orcs come charging at the armies of Gondor with great bananas. The Gondorians find this terrible amusing and start rolling around on the floor, laughing themselves into comas. The Orcs get so angry that they begin exploding with rage... literally. The explosion takes out most of south Middle Earth and the north is out of balance and sinks. The Valar plan a party.

I wish Sam had found some taters in Ithilian.

[Celuien]

I wish Sam had found some taters in Ithilian.
Granted. Sam finds taters in Ithilien. Loads of taters, all nice and golden, juicy and crispy. In fact, the best taters ever seen. Even Gollum likes them. He decides to set up shop in Ithilien with a fish 'n chips stand and stays there with Gollum as head waiter. In time, even Sauron hears of Sam's legendary taters and comes to visit. He is so entranced by the flavor that he renounces Dark Lording and nastiness in favor of nice crispy chips, ushering in a new era of peace and prosperity for Middle-earth.

I wish Morgoth had turned out to be a tree-hugging hippy.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Morgoth had turned out to be a tree-hugging hippy.

Yup! Here it go!
Morgoth becomes a tree-loving hippy! However, the Ents do not like him and tell the trees to stay away from him. So now, whenever Morgoth comes near a tree, it flees into the distance. There are many hilarious scenes of Morgoth chasing trees around the wilderness and weeping when they don't come to him.
He is so upset that he goes to Doriath to see if any of those trees will help him, but they all run away, leaving Thingol open to attack... and he is. Orcs, thousands of them, fall upon Doriath and rout the thousand caves until it is little more than a pile of dust.
All because Morgoth wanted a tree friend.

I wish Galadriel grew a beard to imitate Gandalf.

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish Galadriel grew a beard to imitate Gandalf.

Granted. Galadriel grows a beard. However, since the beard makes the elven woman look like a man, everyone believes that Celeborn is her. Celeborn takes all the credit for what she has done, and so Galadriel lives a unfruitful life. To make matters worse, she is kicked off of Second-Age Survivor for having a beard and getting long hair, even though those reasons don't really have to do with anything.


I wish Denethor tried to freeze himself and Faramir.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

I wish Denethor tried to freeze himself and Faramir.

ok then.

Denethor desides in all his wisdom that the best bonding expirience ever would be to try an freeze to death with his son. Beeing so wise he soon realises that he does not have the means to do so in Gondor, therefor he takes Faramir with him to the north of the Misty Mountains to die. While they are there Denethor realises that he does not like Faramir at all and desides that it would be better to leave him. The result of this is of course that Faramir looses all his toes do to the frost and later looses in a game of bowling to a random worm.

I wish that Aragorn used his pants as a hat

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish that Aragorn used his pants as a hat


Granted.

You'd be pleased to know that Aragorn doesn't have another pair of pants so Arda is blind.


I wish Huan was treated for worms.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Huan was treated for worms.

Whatever you say, Jim.

Huan is treated for worms. But, he has an appointment with his doctor at the exact time he was supposed to fight Sauron. Unfortunately, he dies of worms (somehow) during the battle, and Sauron eats luthien. Beren is eaten by a wolf. Doriath doesn’t fall due to Thingol's lust for the Silmarill, but it does because he burns all the trees in his despair.
Nice.

I wish a Barrow Wight had decided to be good and helped Frodo out on the adventure.

[Celuien]

I wish a Barrow Wight had decided to be good and helped Frodo out on the adventure.
1-2-3. Granted. A Barrow Wight decides to help Frodo on the adventure. As this is a particularly influential Barrow Wight, all of the other Wights follow to help Frodo. This is quite beneficial for the Hobbits on the Quest; however, since Tom Bombadil no longer has an audience for his poetry with the Downs deserted, he goes insane and rampages through the Shire shouting poems, leading the the discovery that Bombadil was, in fact, e.e. cummings in disguise.

I wish the Ringwraiths had crossed the Bruinen successfully. :eek:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish the Ringwraiths had crossed the Bruinen successfully. :eek:

That they do! Unfortunately (for them) they do it five years too late and miss the War of the Ring.

I wish Sauron had a small dog, called Jim.

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish Sauron had a small dog, called Jim.



Granted. Jim ruins the floor of Barad-Dur and is never quiet. A "mutiny" occurs and the orcs overthrow Sauron simply to get rid of that blasted dog.


I wish that a hurricane hit Middle-Earth.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that a hurricane hit Middle-Earth.

Andit was so. A hurricane takes a large swing at Middle Earth. But, of course, Orome isn't very happy about this, and so he sounds his horn and hits the hurricane back. There then erupts a huge fight in which all the Valar get involved and confusion mounts when Melko joins in. Even ten hours after the hurricane has departed, the fight continues until the fight causes more devastation than any hurricane could have been.

I wish Gandalf and Radagast had their own spin off show.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Gandalf and Radagast had their own spin off show.

Your wish is granted. The show was called "The Lone Wizard." Radagast played his faithful Druadan companion Targo.

I wish that Ar-Pharazon hadn't taken Sauron to Numenor.

[Celuien]

I wish that Ar-Pharazon hadn't taken Sauron to Numenor.
1-2-3. Granted. Instead of Numenor, Ar-Pharazon takes Sauron to Disneyland. Sauron dresses up as Mickey Mouse, Ar-Pharazon becomes Donald Duck, and they spend the rest of their lives posing for pictures with their adoring fans.

(And you wondered why Tolkien disliked Disney. ;))

I wish that Hobbits really did have express trains.

[Rune Son of Bjarne]

I wish that Hobbits really did have express trains.

The Hobbits now posses the fastest trains in all of Middle Earth, but they dont have any tracks and thats just plain silly!

I wish that Elves and Orcs would meet once a year to tell each other ghost stories

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Elves and Orcs would meet once a year to tell each other ghost stories

Granted.
However, the ghost stories that the elves tell are not quite as scary as the Orcs', consequently, when telling the 'chilling' tale of 'The Elf with half a finger missing' the Orcs laughed so much that they called down the Stone Giants to Rivendell, and the destroyed it. :eek:

I wish Bilbo had ridden on Smaug's back.

[Kitanna]

I wish Bilbo had ridden on Smaug's back.
And so shall it be...
Bilbo, with the Ring, on hops a ride on Smaug's back. Unfortunately his Ring chose to slip off just as he was climbing down from Smaug's back. And Smaug was unsympathetic to Bilbo's "Gandalf made me do it" excuse."

I wish Fatty had been part of the Fellowship.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Fatty had been part of the Fellowship.

Granted. Fatty joins the Fellowship! Yet, on the hard road from Rivendell, he gets so hungry that he eats Bill the Pony. Upon discovering this, Sam takes up arms and kills Fatty in the night. Gimli, who had come to like Fatty, then kills Sam. Frodo kills Gimli, Legolas kills Frodo. Aragorn Kills Legolas. Boromir kills Aragorn (for the heck of t). Merry kills Boromir. Pippin kills merry. Gandalf Kills Pippin. Gandalf kills himself.

Oh dear

I wish that Théoden had personally given Wormtong a slap across the mouth.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish that Théoden had personally given Wormtong a slap across the mouth.

Your wish is granted. But Wormtongue pretended to be seriously injured and made Theoden apologize. But Wormtongue didn't accept the apology until Theoden executed Eomer.

I wish that Tolkien had finished The Lost Road.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Tolkien had finished The Lost Road.

Granted. Unfortunately, he lost it... in a volcano.

I wish Smaug had made friends with Bilbo and been an enemy of Sauron in the War of the Ring!

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Smaug had made friends with Bilbo and been an enemy of Sauron in the War of the Ring!

Your wish is granted. But nobody trusted Bilbo and Smaug and they were both killed in the second Battle of Greenfields.

I wish that the Lord of the Rings had the Marx Brothers in it.

[Kitanna]

I wish that the Lord of the Rings had the Marx Brothers in it.
Granted! But since the Marx brothers joined up other icons of there time decide to be in LOTR, including, but not limited to Charlie Chaplin and Abbott and Costello. Thus turning the world of Middle-Earth into a 1920's free for all.

I wish Bill the Pony was able to go through the Mines of Moria.

[Farael]

I wish Bill the Pony was able to go through the Mines of Moria.
And so he was, sneaking in while all the members of the fellowship were rather distracted by that nasssty monster on the lake, Bill went into the mines of Moria and hid there for a spell. Now, there was a secret, evil power in the mines, now known as a Balrog of Morgoth and as a practical joke he decided to make such a human-like pony as human as he'd get... although he was still gray, slimy and rather primitive. Know who I'm talking about, right?

Because... *misterious, almost scary voice* Smeagol had passed a way a long time ago, after loosing his ring.

I wish Ted Sandyman had been a part of the fellowship

[mark12_30]

I wish Ted Sandyman had been a part of the fellowship

He was! And due to his constant arguing with Sam that either there was no such thing as elves, or, that they were all a bunch of arrogant fakes, he convinced everyone in he Fellowship.

Gandalf, in the Halls of Mandos, decided that coming back from Elfland would be too embarassing, so he stayed there and there was no Gandalf the White.

Gimli became disillusioned and grumbled about his lousy three strands of hair, and tossed them halfway across the Plains of Rohan.

When he became King, Aragorn sent Arwen a "Dear Jane" letter and told her that she could keep her arrogant elvish fakery, he was marrying a nice Rohirric girl.

By the end of the quest, Legolas son of Thranduil had changed his name, given up archery, stopped singing, turned in his elvish clothes for mannish clothes, unbraided his hair and rubbed dirt in it to give it a mannish look, and developed several psychotic twitches.

And although Gollum still bit off Frodo's finger and destroyed the Ring, Frodo refused passage to Valinor and instead moved into the Lockholes, constantly muttering and yelling at passersby.

I wish more of Legolas' kin had been involved in the quest.

[Smaug reborn]

I wish more of Legolas' kin had been involved in the quest.

Granted, they were! Unfortunately due to their constant besting of Legolas in both the arrow shooting and cool mounting/surfing of random animals stakes, Legolas threw a benny (returned to his trailer on the edge of Mirkwood), refused point blank to take any further part in the fellowship and hence wasn't available to take part in any of the following battles.... which resulted in the death of several of the key characters (Gandalf got run over by an Uruk-hai wagon for gawd sake!) and the falling of middle earth to Sauron.....

I wish I woke up next to Arwen every morning :) Grrrrrrrr

[Ordimor]

I wish I woke up next to Arwen every morning :) Grrrrrrrr

*TADA* Granted! As Arwen's pillow you enjoy her every morning - in an inanimate, spittle covered sort of way :) ((except those nights when her hips are hurting and she tucks you in-between her knees, or when shes watching a scary flick and she holds you close to her bosom!)).



I wish that the Great Eagles had snakes on them!

[Gil-Galad]

I wish that the Great Eagles had snakes on them!

Granted, but now since the Giant Eagles have snakes on them they all fail their tasks trhoughout the years and it brings chaos and ruin to all of Middle-Earth and Frodo seen as a martyr. Way to go.


I wish that the Easterlings overthrough Sauron

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that the Easterlings overthrough Sauron

Granted, however, when they become the new rulers of Middle Earth, there comes a rivalry between two sections of the Easterlings and they all end up killing each other after three minuets. The Witch king then takes over as Lord and master of Middle Earth with his own brand of dwarf tossing that takes place in the middle of the sea for no reason.

I wish Manwe could have had an amusing period of taunting Melkor before throwing him into the void.

[High King Fingolfin]

Originally posted by Hookbill the Goomba
I wish Manwe could have had an amusing period of taunting Melkor before throwing him into the void.

Your wish has been granted. But, during this taunting period, Aule forgot to forge Melkor's chains, thus allowing him to escape the moment the Valars' backs were turned. He returned to Middle-Earth, and ruled it forever.

I wish that instead of Grey, Gandalf had been neon mauve.

[Kitanna]

I wish that instead of Grey, Gandalf had been neon mauve.

Granted! Unfortunately the neoness of Gandalf's new color attracted the most unsavory sorts of people...tourists looking for the off-ramp to get into Las Vegas.

I wish Pippin was Bilbo's heir and had to take the Ring into Mordor.

[Meneltarmacil]

I wish Pippin was Bilbo's heir and had to take the Ring into Mordor.
Your wish is granted. However, Pippin gets so hungry that he eats the Ring along the way, causing his head to explode and the Quest to end.

I wish Sauron wasn't evil.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Sauron wasn't evil.

Your wish is granted. That means the Lord of the Rings was never written. Instead Tolkien wrote The White Hand. It's about a renegade Maia who tries to take over Middle-earth. When PJ turned it into a movie he turned Saruman into a literal white hand.

I wish Tolkien recorded how old Durin the Deathless was when he died.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Tolkien recorded how old Durin the Deathless was when he died.

Granted, however, becuase this appears to be a contradiction in terms, everyone gets confused and decides to hurl themselves off bridges... erm... onto... your house... or something. :D

I wish The Argonath had been showing a thumbs up http://forum.barrowdowns.com/ubb/icons/icon14.gif rather than an open palm http://forum.barrowdowns.com/ubb/icons/icon12.gif.

[High King Fingolfin]

Originally posted by Hookbill the Goomba
I wish The Argonath had been showing a thumbs up rather than an open palm.

Granted. But then the Argonath were structurally unstable in their hands which happened to collapse on the Fellowship's boats, causing them all to drown in the Anduin.

I wish that Denethor would not have gone crazy so Gandalf could have saved Theoden from the Witch-King.

[Farael]

I wish that Denethor would not have gone crazy so Gandalf could have saved Theoden from the Witch-King.
Alakazam! your wish is granted.... sadly, since every good story has an old man that goes crazy, it's Theoden the one who goes cucu and kills Gandalf. Sadly, he does so before Gandalf could give the final stroke to the WK.

Long story short, the Free Peoples of Middle Earth changed their name to Sauron's Minions. Some people think that it has a nicer ring to it anyway.

I wish Theodred had been sent to Rivendell when the council was held

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish Theodred had been sent to Rivendell when the council was held



Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, without him leading part of Rohan's defenses at that time, Saruman's forces gain land easily in Rohan, causing a victory for the forces of the White Hand.


I wish that Saruman had a landmine defense field around Isengard.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Saruman had a landmine defense field around Isengard.

Granted, yet while marching his army out to helms deep, they all get blown up. Saruman spends the next five years cleaning up the mess.

I wish Turin had a sense of humour.

[Volo]

I wish Turin had a sense of humour.

And so he had. Unluckily nobody else had any sense of humour and Turin was hanged.


I wish Gandalf was a lead guitarist of a rock band.

[Volo]

Why doesn't anyone want to grant me my wish :(

[HerenIstarion]

I wish Gandalf was a lead guitarist of a rock band

You see, your wish is already granted, as Gandalf is already guitarist in a band, and not only but a singer too! Though he keeps his incognito by wearing dark glasses... Next time you see them (http://www.geocities.com/gl_century/misc/zztop.gif), look closely at ZZ Top - yup, the guy on the left is Gandalf... beard dyed, o'course...lots of free time on his hands since Sauron's defeat, you see...

I wish exact number of balrogs has been known...

[High King Fingolfin]

Originally posted by HerenIstarion
I wish exact number of balrogs has been known...

Ta-daa! Your wish has been granted. However, the exact number of Balrogs is one of those irritating little pieces of information that causes the universe to explode when it is known to man. So the universe is gone. Not good.

I wish that Glorfindel rode Asfaloth in the movies.

[Volo]

I wish that Glorfindel rode Asfaloth in the movies.

Granted! Glorfindel proudly rode Asfaloth, but it was still Arwen's role to save Frodo. Of course without a horse Arwen couldn't get away from the Nazgul. Sauron got his precious ring and Middle-Earth was once again doomed.

I wish Hamfast Gamgee was a Balrog.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Hamfast Gamgee was a Balrog.

Granted. However, he ends up moving house to next door to you and he eats all your food and bricks.

I wish Mushrooms were as plentiful as grass blades in the Shire.

[Volo]

I wish Mushrooms were as plentiful as grass blades in the Shire.

They were! But everybody got so sick and tired of mushrooms that hobbits started eating twigs, that turned them into a big glowing mass that fell right down through Arda, into the 74:th dimension.

My toe wishes that she would be reborn as Aragorn.

[The Elf-warrior]

My toe wishes that she would be reborn as Aragorn.

Your toe's wish is granted. Your toe is now Aragorn. But he develops an ingrown face and has to convalesce in Rivendell and doesn't become King.

I wish that the Barrow-wight was a good guy.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that the Barrow-wight was a good guy.

Granted. He was a good guy. In fact, when Frodo was lost on the Downs the Wight called to him and said "Here I am!" but Frodo was too afraid. Then Frodo fell over and the Barrow Wight took him back to his Barrow to make sure he was all right. When Frodo woke up, the Wight sent a little hand creature to offer them tea and cakes, but the hobbit was so afraid he attacked the hand.
In a last ditch effort to cheer Frodo up, the Wight sung the only song he knew all the words to, "Cold be heart", and old Barrow Downs favourite. But this only made matters worse and Tom Bombadill showed up and threw him out of Barrow and home.

I wish Sauron smoked a pipe.

[Volo]

I wish Sauron smoked a pipe.

Sauron did smoke a pipe! In the middle of the Siege of Barad-dur. He claimed it to be his "pipe moment" and commanded peace. All the baddies retreated and Elendil, Gil-galad and Isildur joined Sauron smoking their pipes. After a long chat and a few too many pints, they desided that Sauron wasn't such a bad guy after all and asked their psychologist Izindibolgdam to help Sauron. Izindibolgdam listened Sauron and desided that Sauron's problem was the lack of calcium. Sauron was very relieved that this was the case and even paid Elendil for his kindness by giving them the largest projector in Arda's history.

Happy end!

I wish Gothmog's stomach would ache as badly as mine.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Gothmog's stomach would ache as badly as mine.

Your wish is granted. But pain makes him mad, and he's a better fighter when he's mad.

I wish Denethor hadn't killed himself.

[Kitanna]

I wish Denethor hadn't killed himself.

Granted! But without his suicide someone else had to step up and kill his/herself. In the end the weight fell on Aragorn and the last heir to the throne of Gondor died.

I wish wargs had been used by Men and Elves.

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish wargs had been used by Men and Elves.



Granted. The Wolfus Demonicus, or the Warg, primarily feasts upon halflings.

I wish the people of Middle-Earth realized that Sauron wasn't that bright.

[ohtatyaro]

I wish the people of Middle-Earth realized that Sauron wasn't that bright.

They do some years before BIlbo goes to Rivendell. Everybody is happy, they keep saying, 'ah, this Sauron is not that bright, he'll never guess where the Ring is', 'ah, this Sauron is not that bright, he'll never learn where Shire is'...

Underestimation leads to the fact that Nazgul seize Frodo and force the Ring from him. I mean, he never moves anywhere, and is captured by the Bag-End smoking his after-breakfast pipe... sad story, but true...

I wish Blue Wizards would be present at the Council of Elrond and tell their story

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Blue Wizards would be present at the Council of Elrond and tell their story

Granted. They show up and tell their story. However, it is 400,000 pages long, means nothing and goes nowhere and ultimately they are cast into the river with heavy weights attached to their faces.

I wish Théoden had made Wormtong dress like a clown.

[Brinniel]

I wish Théoden had made Wormtong dress like a clown.
Granted. Unfortunately, Eowyn had a terrible fear of clowns and the moment she caught the slightest glimpse of Wormtongue, she ran herself off a cliff.

I wish Isildur had destroyed the Ring when he had the chance.

[Volo]

I wish Isildur had destroyed the Ring when he had the chance.

So be it. Isildur destroyed the Ring, because Tolkien got fed up with LotR and wanted to get rid of it quickly. That means that LotR was 24,7 pages long and no other books about ME ever came later. Sad, but true...

I wish Boromir was a gangsta rapper with tons of bling blings on his neck. (And a golden handgun.)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Boromir was a gangsta rapper with tons of bling blings on his neck. (And a golden handgun.)

Granted. However, due to his incoherent speeches such as: "eh-man, wacha tinkin bout ma main man o you know I'm all over that respect ya'll ma' man." and his vast number of golden accessories that bled Gondor dry and his golden gun that killed people, Boromir was accused of being a witch and was burned at the stake.

I wish Saruman had a hat like Gandalf's only bigger.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Saruman had a hat like Gandalf's only bigger.

Your wish is granted. But Saruman had no cattle, so he sent the Uruk-Hai to steal Gandalf's cattle, only the Uruk-Hai ate it.

I wish that Tom Bombadil had a prominent role in Lord of the Rings.

[Farael]

I wish that Tom Bombadil had a prominent role in Lord of the Rings.

Granted! Indeed, as the grey company (the Dunedain that go meet with Aragorn in Rohan) are leaving Rivendell and as Elrond is telling them their last words the following happens:

Elrond (solemnly): "And tell Aragorn, son of Arathron that when time presses he must seek... Tom Bombadill!! Dude, what are you doing all the way here? man, come here, give me some sugar... oh dude, I haven't seen you in so long! how's the wife?"

Aragorn is very confused by those words and spends his time pondering them. By the time he realizes that it was just Elrond being happy about Tom visiting him all of a sudden and decides to ride to war, it's too late and Middle Earth is lost.

I wish that hobits rather than being "halflings" were "twice-as-much-lings"

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish that hobits rather than being "halflings" were "twice-as-much-lings"

Your wish is granted. Because Frodo was too tall for sneaking into Mordor, Gimli was made the ringbearer instead. After surviving the various hazards of Mordor with the dubious help of Legolas, he refused to throw the Ring into the fire. Legolas put an arrow into Gimli's heart and threw himself in the Cracks of Doom because of his grief.

I wish Denethor was a Shakespearean actor.

[Kitanna]

I wish Denethor was a Shakespearean actor.
Granted! Too bad it's so hard to break out as a Shakespearean actor in Middle-Earth. The elves have a monopoly on that. Still Denethor managed to get a role in Hamlet as Ophelia.

I wish Melkor had made a sitcom.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Melkor had made a sitcom.

Your wish is Richard E Granted.
'Melkor's funny happenings' has one pilot in which he keeps throwing apples at Sauron and making him slip on banana skins while the 'studio audience'* laughs whole heartily. The show is cancelled and Melkor resorts to cameo rolls in Sauron's new sit com 'All my Rings'.

I wish Minas Trith was orange.


*Consisting of Melkor along

[Fordim Hedgethistle]

I wish Minas Trith was orange.

Granted!

Sadly, Gandalf is so appalled by the atrocious grammar of your request ("was" instead of "were") he refuses to help the Orange City in its need and stands by cheering as Sauron's army -- using a giant paring knife -- peels off its walls before squeezing it dry and throwing away the skins...

I wish Legolas had blond hair and pointy ears.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Legolas had blond hair and pointy ears.

Granted.
He is beaten up at school (all other Elves had dark hair) and falls into deep depression and then throws himself in front of a speeding Orc.

I wish Anduril would make funny noises whenever it hit something.

[Kitanna]

I wish Anduril would make funny noises whenever it hit something.
Granted. Unfortunately it makes a "Boing" noise.

I wish Aragorn and Eowyn had gotten married.

[Rikae]

I wish Aragorn and Eowyn had gotten married.

Granted!

Unfortunately, Aragorn and Arwen were also married, so all three were arrested for bigamy; Faramir died of a broken heart, and the rule of Gondor went to the third in line: Gothmog.

I wish Gollum always looked like he did when he found the ring.

[Azaelia of Willowbottom]

I wish Gollum always looked like he did when he found the ring.

Granted! Gollum now is eternally young Smeagol, at least in looks (I hope that's what you're wishing for...for some reason, my brain got a little confused...so sorry if it wasn't!).

Unfortunately, this upset the balance of the universe, and in compensation, everyone else woke up looking like Gollum hundreds of years after he found the Ring. Bad luck.

I wish that instead of taking the shape of a giant Eye, Sauron had chosen to look like a giant foot.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that instead of taking the shape of a giant Eye, Sauron had chosen to look like a giant foot.

Granted. However, despite his hopes of 'kicking some behinds', he has terrible foot odour. This, in turn, leads to the abandoning of Gondor and Rohan as well as Mordor itself and Sauron is left in isolation. He goes mad and starts stomping out all life on the planet.

I wish Tree Beard could fly!

[Meneltarmacil]

I wish Tree Beard could fly!
Granted. Unfortunately, Treebeard is too preoccupied with the question of whether or not he has wings to actually fly.

I wish I was the King of Gondor.

[Farael]

I wish I was the King of Gondor.
Can you say Granted? no, you can't? hmm... well, I can. GRANTED!!

Sadly, we are in what, the seventh age? and Gondor has not survived into today's times.

I wish the walls of Minas Tirith were made of jello