Be careful what you wish for...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Okay, this is a game my older brother came up with, and I thought it would be good for the Downs...

Make a wish. A Tolkien related wish, preferably.

Someone else can grant it, but there must be an ironic, or comical consequence to the wish. They can be serious (if you want) but more likely just plain silly.
Like so.

Someone posts:
I wish I could go to Middle Earth

Someone else posts:

I wish I could go to Middle Earth

Your wish is granted. But you are murdered by Orcs and Saruman takes all your gold.

I wish I had a Silmarill


****

And so on. I hope you get the idea.
Please put your wish in bold letters so everyone can see it.
Here is my wish...

I wish there were more sheriffs in the Shire.

[Edit: Make sure to quote the wish you are granting.]

[Sleepy Ranger]

I wish there were more sheriffs in the Shire.

Your wish is granted. There are more Sherrifs in the Shire, they catch you stealing an apple and beat you with a sparrow. They then throw you into the Old Forest where you are eaten alive by Old Man Willow.

I wish Sauron was a pink fluffy bunny

[Anguirel]

Your wish is granted. Michel Delving becomes Nottingham, all proceeds go to the corrupt Prince Faramir, and the hobbitry stand in need of a benevolent hero in green tights.

I wish I could bear one of the Elven rings.

Argh. Cross-post. Well I like this answer, so I'm leaving it...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish I could bear one of the Elven rings.

Your wish is granted. But you find to your horror that they are onion rings and you are allergic to them and your hand swells to the size of a city.

I wish the Barrow Wight and Tom Bombadill could get along.

[malkatoj]

I wish Sauron was a pink fluffy bunny

Your wish is granted. But when Frodo goes to destroy the Ring, he sees Sauron and thinks he's too cute. Frodo gives Sauron the ring and everyone DIES.

My wish:

I wish Shadowfax were a Llama instead of a horse.

[The Perky Ent]

I wish Shadowfax were a Llama instead of a horse.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunatly, without a successor, the horses had no leader, and sailed away into the west. Later, at the battle of pelenor fields, the Rohirrim all died.


I wish ents were fireproof

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish ents were fireproof

Your wish is granted. But they decide to play water polo in mount Doom and end up filling it up with empty cans and so Frodo cant' destroy the Ring.

I wish Gandalf was around today.

[Sleepy Ranger]

I wish Gandalf was around today.

Your wish is granted. Gandalf is still around, in fact he is right behind you. He convinces you to give your computer to your nephew because it is 'The One Computer To Rule Them All'. You then depart to Linux while your nephew must go to the Microsoft HQ to destroy 'The One Computer To Rule Them All'.

I wish Aragorn was a Jedi Master.

[wilwarin538]

I wish Aragorn was a Jedi Master.

Your wish is granted. But he wants to go back into space so Gondor has no king.

(not very good I know ;) )

I wish the ring was a pretty blue butterfly.

[Fordim Hedgethistle]

Your wish is granted. But he wants to go back into space so Gondor has no king.

(not very good I know ;) )

I wish the ring was a pretty blue butterfly.


Your wish is granted. But when Sam tried to put the Ring on to escape the orcs in Mordor it flew away and he was captured, taken to Sauron, and made to write out "I will not take the Master's Ring" on a large blackboard for all eternity.


I wish Balrogs did not have wings.

[Sleepy Ranger]

I wish Balrogs did not have wings.

Your wish is granted. But since Balrog's wings are a paradox your wish could not be granted. The Great Debates still happen and nothing changes except for that one Balrog that tried to jump off a really tall building...

I wish Pippin was a mathamatical genius.

[Gil-Galad]

Your wish is granted, though Pippin will have no way of understanding how too use this knowledge except too build the biggest bridge ever, but he'll get lazy and it'll fall through killing thousands


I wish that Gil-Galad didn't die and had more lady-friends

[Sleepy Ranger]

I wish that Gil-Galad didn't die and had more lady-friends

Gil-Galad doesn't die, he waltzes his way away from Sauron which causes all the females in Middle-Earth to become his fan girls. For many years to follow every female can be heard saying, "OMGZ!!!111!!!11 GILGALD IZ SOOOOOOO SXY!!!11111!!LOLOLOL!!!31!11."

I wish the Bill the Pony was the ring-bearer.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish the Bill the Pony was the ring-bearer.

Your wish is granted. But Bill eats the ring and when the ring wraiths catch up with him, they are forced to cut him open to get the ring out. Nice work.

I wish Orcs would revert back to elves.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I wish Orcs would revert back to elves.

Your wish is granted. Orcs are Elves again, but unfortunately they have kept the stench of Mordor and are therefore shunned by other Elves. The growing enmity makes them much worse foes than they were as orcs, for they cannot be distinguished from friends by their appearance.

I wish that Arwen had chosen to live on after Aragorn's death.

[Anguirel]

I wish that Arwen had chosen to live on after Aragorn's death.

Your wish is granted. The insufferable old bat drives all her descendants mad for thousands of years by moaning about her old age pension, takes Herumor as a lover, and causes a Middle-earth Oresteia.

I wish Maeglin had won Idril.

[Thinlómien]

I wish Maeglin had won Idril.
Your wish is granted, and Idril is so happy for the change in the plot, that she starts a wild dance and accidentally steps over the walls of Gondolin, falls to a rock and dies crying "my precious...!!!".

I wish that Finrod had killed Sauron in Tol-in-Gaurhoth.

[Sleepy Ranger]

I wish that Finrod had killed Sauron in Tol-in-Gaurhoth.

Your wish is granted. Sauron is killed, the Rings of Power are never made, The Lord of the Rings never happens. The Barrow-Downs are never made, Numenor would not be destroyed meaning Gondor would never be around, the Elves would be snobbier.... and oh yeah... this topic would have never been made. :)

I wish Gimli didn't have a beard.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Gimli didn't have a beard.

Your wish is Richard - E - granted. But now he has no beard the dwarves shun him and he fells so depressed that he goes to the Dragon filled north lands and befriends the Dragons, bringing them south to destroy Middle Earth.

I wish The Barrow Wights would become allies of Gondor.

[The riders of Rohaan]

I wish that the ring would not have been destroyed and the fellowship would have died.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

'The riders of Rohan', you must grant a wish before requesting one.

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish The Barrow Wights would become allies of Gondor.


Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, the bare and unprotected landscape of the Barrow Downs become the first target for vengeful Easterlings. BW is eaten by a giant wolf. Pio falls to an orc arrow. The Barrow Downs is laid to a waste.

I wish to hear the Great Music that the Maiar made at the beginning of time

[The riders of Rohaan]

I wish The Barrow Wights would become allies of Gondor.


your wish is granted. The barrow wights betray the people of Gondor and eat them.

I wish the fellowship died before destroying the ring

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish to hear the Great Music that the Maiar made at the beginning of time

Your wish is granted, however, your eardrums burst and Eru calls you disrespectful and so casts you into the void to have tea with Melko.

I wish the Eagles would become a Middle Earth taxi service.

[Holbytlass]

I wish the Eagles would become a Middle Earth taxi service.
Your wish is granted. But the Eagles' taxi rate was too expensive due to the over-inflated gasoline prices, no one used them anyway.


I wish Goldberry divorced Tom Bombadill.

[CaptainofDespair]

Your wish is granted. The Hobbits are now eaten by Old Man Willow, as Tom is too depressed to go pick flowers, and that he has no one to pick flowers for. Later on, he kidnaps Arwen and makes her his bride.

I wish the Witch-King would usurp the power of Sauron.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish the Witch-King would usurp the power of Sauron.

Your wish is granted! The Witch king usurps the power of Sauron, but when Sauron finds this out, he gets depressed and starts eating large amounts of Chocolate until he bursts all over bad end. Frodo spends the rest of his life cleaning it up.

I wish Sauron's eye would cool down.

[Alcarillo]

I wish Sauron's eye would cool down.

Your wish is granted. Sauron's eye turns a chilly blue color. Sauron, always in style, complains that Mordor's red lava doesn't match his eye. Sauron moves in with Osse and together they sink every ship on Gondor's coastline.

I wish Varda would marry Morgoth.

[The Perky Ent]

[quote]I wish Varda would marry Morgoth.[/qoute]

Your wish is granted! Varda leaves Manwe to marry Morgoth! Morgoth is a very bad husband, and constantly beats Varda. She divorces him, and tries to go back with Manwe, but he is heartbroken. In anger, he removes Arda from the stars, and casts Varda into the void. She would be stuck there for all eternity with her abusive husband, Morgoth!



I wish Tom Bombadil had destoryed the ring

[Meneltarmacil]

I wish Tom Bombadil had destoryed the ring
Your wish is granted. Tom de-stories the Ring, removing it from the plot and ensuring Sauron's domination of Middle-Earth.

I wish Boromir hadn't died.

[Bêthberry]

I wish Boromir hadn't died.

Your wish is granted.

Boromir's conversion to the Lite side saves him and he is able to forge a rejuvenated Fellowship in support of Frodo's quest to destroy the Ring. His strategic choices, his wit, his self determination and self-knowledge, his assertive training of others, brings him ever and ever greater renown.

Aragorn, in awe of this new Boromir, decides to forgo the throne of Gondor in favour of Arwen's favours and returns with her to Lothlorien, where they set up the first hippy commune.

But first he works tirelessly to educate the men and let us not forget the women also in the values of true leadership. Before Aragorn leaves, a strong form of constitutional stewardship is established in Gondor, to be remembered long years after in the form of parliamentary democracy established in the 7th age in the country called Cânâgórnmïr, one of the few remaining nations that still revered the two Trees in their contemporary form of the Maple Leaf Forever.

I wish Eowyn had not succumbed to the charms of dynastic merges with Faramir.

[Glirdan]

I wish Eowyn had not succumbed to the charms of dynastic merges with Faramir.

Your wish is granted.

After Aragorn brought Eowyn out of the darkness and she was walking around again, she decided to not listen to Faramir or the Head Healer and went off after the men of Gondor and Rohan to the Battle of the Black Gate. There, she saved Pippin from being crushed by the troll and Aragorn forgot his love for Arwen and married Eowyn instead. And Arwen married Haldi and they crossed over into valinor with Elrond, Galadriel, Frodo, Gandalf and Bilbo. Everybody's happy.

I wish Glorfindel was in the movie to rescue Frodo and Co. instead of Arwen.

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish Glorfindel was in the movie to rescue Frodo and Co. instead of Arwen.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, Glorfindel falls off the horse due to Frodo's weight and is cut out from the movie with a lean pension and nothing else. Legolas gets sulky, and refuses to do the amazing surfboard thingy in the movie because he thinks it would be dangerous. Then the OMG Orlando RULES fans have no one to be crazy for, so the movie was not as good, and then eventually the whole thing was scrapped.

I wish Feanor selected to give up the silmarils.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Feanor selected to give up the silmarils.

Your wish is granted. But, something bad happens involving something dreadfully amusing, a few jokes, a dance, and unicycles.

I wish Thorin had not died at the battle of the five armies.

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish Thorin had not died at the battle of the five armies.

Your wish is granted. However, he then never forgives Bilbo for his conduct, and murdurs him in a fit of indignation, and then the One Ring with the rest of his property is given to his nearest relative - Lobelia, who immediately uses it to take over the world in place of Sauron.

I wish Hurin was my next-door neighbor.

[The Perky Ent]

I wish Hurin was my next-door neighbor.

Your wish is granted! Hurin sits next door all day watching the same old channel. His children are actors in Morgoth's new reality TV. Once the writers kill them off, Hurin runs around in a panicked circle in your front lawn. He finds his wife, and buries her on your porch. Rest assured though, your porch will never sink. He then goes to the Gas Station to buy a microwaveable burrito, but there's a dwarf in his way. He kills the dwarf and takes the burrito, and turns to your house. He gives you the burrito, and you attach your central air to it. You are happy, for a time. A group of dwarves come later to fix a hole in your basement plumbing, and begin redecorating your whole house. When they're done, they want the Central Air encrusted Burrito, but you won't give it up! They kill you, but they don't get the burrito and central air. Your neighbor truly lived a bad life, and casts himself into the broken plumbing!

I wish Earendil worked for Duracel

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Earendil worked for Duracel

Your wish is granted. However, Dunacel explodes on the first day and Earendil turns into a haddock.

I wish Gollum had his own talk show.

[Sleepy Ranger]

I wish Gollum had his own talk show.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately all of Gollum's shows are spent interviewing Smeagol and the show gets run of the air.

I wish Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli formed a rock group called 'Three Hunters'.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli formed a rock group called 'Three Hunters'.

Your wish is granted. But the pressure gets too much for them and they find out that it was your wish that forced them into this terrible state and so beat you to death with bread sticks.

I wish Christopher Tolkien would write some more Middle Earth stuff.

[Glirdan]

Your wish is granted. Unfourtunate.y, Christopher didn't inherit his dad's writing skills and none of his books were published.

I wish Peter Jackson didn't kill Haldir and the Two Toweres movie.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Peter Jackson didn't kill Haldir and the Two Toweres movie.

Your wish is granted. He kills you instead.

I wish I had an infinite supply of lembas.

[Sleepy Ranger]

I wish Peter Jackson didn't kill Haldir and the Two Toweres movie.

Your wish is granted. Haldir survives but then he goes to Pellenor where he upstages Legolas at everything causing everyone to stare in awe and giving the Orcs and opening to kill everybody. But Haldir kills them all with his awesomeness but unfortunately all the Free People stop what they're doing to watch Haldir and in the end only Haldir survives.

I wish Sauron had a nagging wife.

[Shelob]

I wish I had an infinite supply of lembas.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately your neatly stacked piles fall down one day, burying you forever.

I wish the Nazgul were afraid of the dark.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish the Nazgul were afraid of the dark.

Abra-kadabra, foom a da lark! Nazgul now fear the dark! But they now spend their time hunting hobbits out to market, so they don't go out to market. And so starve to death, as do the Nazgul.

I wish Mount Doom had wheels.

[Glirdan]

Your wish is granted. Unfourtunately, it had no brakes and it ran over and killed you.

I wish the Ents would have done more in the War of the Ring.

[Sleepy Ranger]

I wish the Ents would have done more in the War of the Ring.

The ents decide to do more. They keep walking and walk onto you, squashing you flatter than a pancake. A random hobbit decides to eat your remains.

I wish Spiderman was the Ring Bearer.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Spiderman was the Ring Bearer.

Your wish is granted, but he is a missunderstood hero and is shot in the face by Elrond.

I wish Hobbits could fly.

[malkatoj]

I wish Hobbits could fly.

Your wish is granted. Hobbits can now fly. Out of pride for his newfound ability, Frodo attempts to fly to Mount Doom to destroy the ring. Legolas sees him when he gets to Mordor with his awesome elf vision, assumes he is something evil because nobody knows yet that hobbits can fly. Legolas shoots Frodo and the ring falls on an orc, who brings it to Sauron. Middle Earth has been destroyed.

I wish Merry and Pippin had created the rings.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Merry and Pippin had created the rings.

Your wish is granted. Pippin and Merry create the rings, but they fight over who gives them out, and before they do, they kill each other in an amusing manner involving amoebas.

I wish there were Daleks in Middle Earth.

[Alcarillo]

I wish there were Daleks in Middle Earth.

Your wish is granted. Mogul Bildur uses them to attack the Swinging City of Gondola. Dok-Dorhu fails to defeat the Dar-lêks, and Gondola falls to its doom.

I wish I was an elf.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish I was an elf.

Your wish is granted. But you live in a dwarf colony where you are the designated elf to be slapped everyday.

I wish everyone had a beard like Gandalf.

[Sleepy Ranger]

I wish everyone had a beard like Gandalf.

Your wish is granted. You trip over your beard and fall into Mt. Doom. Everybody else bends down to see you and trip over each others beards and they all fall in as well.

I wish the members of The Barrow-Downs (The Site) took part in the Battle of Pellenor Fields.

[Glirdan]

I wish the members of The Barrow-Downs (The Site) took part in the Battle of Pellenor Fields.

Your wish is granted. But since we have no fighting experience, we are all slain in the process.

I wish Galadriel didn't decide to traverse into Middle-Earth and have the Doom of Mandos on her.

[Sleepy Ranger]

I wish Galadriel didn't decide to traverse into Middle-Earth and have the Doom of Mandos on her.

Your wish is granted. There is no Lothlorien for the fellowship to stop at and they all get killed by orcs.

I wish Sauron and Frodo had their roles reversed.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Sauron and Frodo had their roles reversed.

Your wish is granted, but Frodo decides that instead of a ring, he'll make a special hat. The hat eats people, including Frodo. Then it tries to eat Mount Doom, but it zooms off into the sky with Sam still climbing up it. They fly over Germany and watch ensuing events.

I wish the Barrow Downs was the size of Gondor.

[The Perky Ent]

I wish the Barrow Downs was the size of Gondor.


Your wish is granted. The Barrow Downs are now the size of Gondor. But, because you must do the same thing to both sides of the equation/inequality, Gondor was now the size of old Middle Earth, and new Middle Earth was the size of Jupiter.


I wish Pallando and Alatar hadn't run off

[arcticstorm]

your wish is granted.
Alatar and Pallando join with Saruman, and together they are able to destroy Rohan, an in the process kill Aragor. Legolas, Gimli, the ents, Merry, and Pippen. Thus causing Sauron with the Witch King to have dominion over Middle Earth

I wish Gandalf would stay cloaked

[Kitanna]

I wish Gandalf would stay cloaked
Your wish is granted.
Gandalf decides to be decent and reamins cloaks, however this results in the uncloaking of Saruman and the depantsing of Hobbits across the Shire.

I wish Merry and Pippin would give up ale and pipeweed.

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish Merry and Pippin would give up ale and pipeweed.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, Gandalf, who said 'Then smoke, and think of him!' is incensed that his advice is not taken, cries, runs away and tells Eru on them, and Eru decides that it wasn't him that promised to never wipe out the world again with a flood, and then proceeds to wipe out the world. Barrow-downer's last thoughts are - who made that wish?

I wish I didn't live in Korea, so I could take more active part in the Barrow-Downs.

[Meneltarmacil]

I wish I didn't live in Korea, so I could take more active part in the Barrow-Downs.
Your wish is granted. You now live in Giant Slug Land and are continually being slimed by said creatures.

I wish I was the King of Gondor.

[Glirdan]

I wish I was the King of Gondor.

Your wish is granted. Unfourtunately, you were turned into Isildur and you got shot by arrows.

I wish Theodred didn't die.

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish Theodred didn't die.

Your wish is granted. Theodred didn't die, therefore Eomer never became king, and then Faramir doesn't marry Eowyn for diplomatic reasons, and then... Um... I forgot what happens next, but it was something bad.

I wish Christopher Tolkien's son is a reincarnation of Tolkien and writes more LOTR series.

[Sleepy Ranger]

I wish Christopher Tolkien's son is a reincarnation of Tolkien and writes more LOTR series.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately it makes no difference since J.R.R Tolkien had decided that there would be no continuation to LotR. Nothing happens differently, except that HoME is in more detail and we have more ME handbooks by Christopher Tolkien... but there is no major change in our lives.

I wish the fate of Middle-Earth was decided in a limbo contest.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish the fate of Middle-Earth was decided in a limbo contest.

Your wish is granted. But Gandalf wins them all by uncloaking and blinding everyone. So Middle Earth is sent into turmoil, as everyone is blind.

I wish there were more Hobbits in Middle Earth.

[Sleepy Ranger]

I wish there were more Hobbits in Middle Earth.

Your wish is granted. There are a lot more Hobbits in Middle-Earth. In fact, they live all over Middle-Earth. They eat all the food and sleep the whole day long, they drive the other countries into poverty and starvation. The stock market at Morannon collapses and Sauron commits suicide.

I wish Sam was an emo kid.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Sam was an emo kid.

Your wish is granted. But Frodo hates emo Kids and so fires Sam out of a cannon.

I wish Ents would sell Ent draughts all over Middle Earth,

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish Ents would sell Ent draughts all over Middle Earth,

Your wish is granted. However, Ents do not know how to spend the immense profits gained from selling Ent Draughts, and a money shortage (Deflation) occurs, with all the ensuing problems, and eventually the people kill off what remains of the Ents to stop the deadly cycle.

I wish Hurin had surrendered to Morgoth.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

I wish Hurin had surrendered to Morgoth. Your wish is granted. His children are never cursed.

Túrin never gets to kill Glaurung, and the dragon, together with Brandir, live happily ever after. Their children, the dreaded Dragon-Men, plague Middle-earth throughout the ages.

Nienor and Morwen become founder of a witch's society obsessed in getting paler skin.

I wish the Teleri aided the Noldor.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish the Teleri aided the Noldor.

Your wish is granted. However, they aid them by trying to fire them at Morgoth in an attempt to kill him or get the Silmarills back or something. Morgoth gets rather annoyed and burns both races to dust.

I wish The Lord of the Rings was longer...

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

I wish The Lord of the Rings was longer...
Your wish is granted. Tolkien inserts the words 'totally,' 'like,' and 'uh' in every sentence.

Hey, it is longer. :p

I wish there was a story about the Fourth Ho . . . I mean Fourth Age.

[Glirdan]

I wish there was a story about the Fourth Ho . . . I mean Fourth Age.

Your wish is granted. Unfourtunately, it wasn't as good as the first, second and third age stories because it was written by Christopher Tolkien who DIDN'T inherit his fathers writing skills. Not to mention All the characters that moved on into the fourth age from the end of the third age died in an earthquake.

I wish that Faramir would have gone to Rivendell instead of Boromir.

[Meneltarmacil]

I wish that Faramir would have gone to Rivendell instead of Boromir.
Your wish is granted. Faramir goes to Rivendell and joins the Fellowship. He dies at Amon Hen, and Frodo and Sam meet Boromir in Ithilien. Boromir steals the Ring and brings it to Denethor, who tries to use it against Sauron but fails. Sauron takes over Middle-Earth and all the good guys die.

I wish Earnur wasn't killed by the Witch-King.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Earnur wasn't killed by the Witch-King.

Your wish is granted. But the Witch King can't work out why his repeated hacking of Earnur won't kill him, so he goes on a rampage and kills Gandalf.

I wish the Barrow Downers could build their own Rivendel to stay in,

[malkatoj]

I wish the Barrow Downers could build their own Rivendel to stay in,

Your wish is granted. The Barrow-Downers build their own Rivendel to stay in. Unfortunately, the misspelling* of 'Rivendel' leads the carpenters and contracters to think that it's not all that serious a task. They slack off in building it, forgetting to fireproof everything. Your 'Rivendel' catches fire and everyone dies.

I wish Gandalf had an afro.


*not meaning to poke fun at you, it just made for a fun story.

[Glirdan]

Your wish is granted. Unfourtunately, the afro blocked his view from everything and instead of picking Bilbo to go with the Dwarves, he picked Lobelia!! :eek: And because he chose Lobelia, the ruin of Middle-Earth came early.

I wish that Turin would have went back to Doriath with Beleg.

[The Perky Ent]

I wish that Turin would have went back to Doriath with Beleg

Your wish is granted. Turin and Beleg start the journey back to Doriath, but choke on your gramatical errors. They both commit suicide to end the pain.


I wish The Council of Elrond wasn't so darn long!

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish The Council of Elrond wasn't so darn long!

Your wish is granted. The Council is shorter. Twenty yards shorter. So now all the hobbits, elves, dwarves and men have to be squashed together causing more arguments until the council lasts for nine days.

I wish the Orcs weren’t all Londoners.

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish the Orcs weren’t all Londoners.

You mean, orcs are Londoners?

- Puzzled fairy grandmother

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Have you not listened to them on the films and on the BBC radio thing. They are all cockneys! :eek: Am I the only one who sees this?
If so,

I wish I wasn't the only one who sees this. :P

[Formendacil]

I wish I wasn't the only one who sees this. :P

Your wish is granted, but for spoiling their mental view of Orks, Hookbill is suspended from the 'Downs. Permanently.

I wish Sauron was a Grilled Cheese Sandwich.

[CaptainofDespair]

I wish Sauron was a Grilled Cheese Sandwich.

Poof! Sauron is Grilled Cheese. And Mount Doom is turned into a Bowl of Tomato Soup. Sauron is eaten by the starving orcs of Mordor.

I wish Gandalf was a Giant-sized Snow Cone.

[Boromir88]

I wish Gandalf was a Giant-sized Snow Cone.
I grant your wish, but you eat Gandalf the Giant-sized Snow Cone, which gives you an uncurable brainfreeze until which you have to embark on a long, dangerous, treacherous year's journey to Mount Doom where to get rid of the brainfreeze you need to jump in the lava.

I wish Mumakil could tight-rope walk.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Mumakil could tight-rope walk.

Sha-la Sha-loom, Shal-ish, Granted is your wish. But there is no rope strong enough to hold them and they fall onto the Hobbiton when they are doing a cross Shire walk!

I wish that Doriath was a theme park

[Anguirel]

I wish that Doriath was a theme park

Your wish is my command. However, the entrance fees are rather prohibitive (one Silmaril or Nauglamir, a lifetime of wandering and despair, and or doom falling upon you.)

I wish Sauron was ailurophobic (terrified of cats).

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Sauron was ailurophobic (terrified of cats).

Thou hast made a wish! I have granted it ye!

Sauron fears cats. So much, in fact, that he begins to hate them, and all things that look like them. That, he decided, includes Hobbits, and so has them all killed before the Ring is even made. Oh dear.

I wish that there were more rings of power.

[wilwarin538]

I wish that there were more rings of power.

Your wish has been granted!

There are more Rings of power. So many in fact that Sauron can't keep track of them all and loses a whole bunch. A gang of Skewrls finds some and they take over Middle-Earth! The End.

I wish that the entire Fellowship were girls.

[The Perky Ent]

I wish that the entire Fellowship were girls.

Your wish is granted! All of the fellowship want's to have Eowyn's line (I am no man!) so they fight each other for it. They all end up dying, and Sauron takes the ring!



I wish Bill the Pony had laser vision

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Bill the Pony had laser vision

Granted is your wish. Bill has laser vision. This means he can only see lasers and nothing else. He walks blindly into the watcher in the water and is eaten. Sam dies of heartbreak.

I wish Helm's Deep was a giant burger bar.

[Boromir88]

I wish Helm's Deep was a giant burger bar.

Alakazam! And your wish is granted. However, all the defenders of Helms Deep are too interested in getting their Hornburger, Saruman's orcs kill everyone. Meaning no Theoden, Aragorn...etc, no Army of the Dead or Rohan coming to Save Minas Tirith...Sauron wins and you know the rest.

I wish Gandalf would stop uncloaking

[Glirdan]

Your wish is granted. With great difficulty, Gandalf quit his nassty habbit. Unfourtunately, there was nothing exciting happening so everyone was bored to death.

I wish that Radagast had been more involved.

[The Perky Ent]

Someone else can grant it, but there must be an ironic, or comical consequence to the wish. They can be serious (if you want) but more likely just plain silly.


I think I'll try this out...

I wish that Radagast had been more involved.

Your wish is not granted! Radagast stays obscure in the books and is rarely mentioned. Because of this, he never starts the fan club he's been dreaming of, and constantly asks the Mockingbirds why they mock him. :D


I wish Sauron was really a hobbit.

[Boromir88]

I wish Sauron was really a hobbit.

I grant your wish, but Sauron was a Baggins and he found the Ring Bilbo was keeping, causing death and destruction all across Hobbiton.

I wish Gothmog was normal like every other orc.

[CaptainofDespair]

I wish Gothmog was normal like every other orc.

Your wish is granted. Nothing major happens. Gothmog is still unimportant.

I wish Gondor and Harad/Umbar would be the best of friends.

[Boromir88]

I wish Gondor and Harad/Umbar would be the best of friends.
Your wish is granted, but this ticks off Elrond, Galadriel, and Theoden who ally themselves with Sauron and obliterate Gondor, Harad and Umbar from the map.

I wish Gimli was a woman-dwarf

[malkatoj]

Originally posted by Boromir88:
I wish Gimli was a woman-dwarf.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, you can't really tell the difference--it's the beards.


I wish the Nazgul were pink and sparkley.

[Meneltarmacil]

I wish the Nazgul were pink and sparkley.
Your wish is granted. Everyone who sees them dies from laughing too hard, including Frodo, and they take the Ring to Sauron (who is immune to their effect).

I wish PJ hadn't put those messed up hyena things in the movies.

[The Perky Ent]

I wish PJ hadn't put those messed up hyena things in the movies.

Your wish is granted. I'm assuming you're talking about the wargs, so the wargs never attack the Rohirrim. The Rohirrim get overconfident at the battle of Helm's Deep, lose, and Saruman takes Rohan.



I wish Saruman had blue hair and was a hippy

[malkatoj]

I wish Saruman had blue hair and was a hippy

Your wish is granted. Saruman smokes too much pot. Gandalf sees that he's relaxed and not worried about Mordor and joins him. In staring at their fingers, they forget about Frodo, the Fellowship and the Ring. When Gandalf finally remembers, he jumps into his VW bus, which stalls, drives to them as fast as he can, then sees them and, still hallucinating, thinks they're orcs. He hits them with his bus and leaves the bodies there for the Nazgul to find.

I wish there were more Gollum/Smeagol conversations in the movies.

[arcticstorm]

Your wish is granted
Gollum/smeagol have more conversations in the movie. As a result a large society of Schitzofrenics gets mad and sues PJ and Newline for making fun of them, and a s a result all gollum/smeagol conversations had to be cut.\\


I wish that Fatty had gone on the quest with the rest of the conspirators

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Fatty had gone on the quest with the rest of the conspirators

Woosh! Your wish is my command! Granted. Fatty goes along. Sam no longer feels so insecure about his weight, and so feels he can eat more food, they all starve to death at weather top.

I wish The Anduin was a river of chocolate.

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish The Anduin was a river of chocolate.

Your wish is granted! Eru sees it fit to turn Anduin into a river of chocolate, as well as every other river, and they all eventually harden into a cake of massive chocolate - which, despite Elrond's effort, wouldn't rise into a tide to sweep away the Nazgul - so Nazgul captures Frodo and seize the ring, who immediately uses it to turn all the water in middle earth into chocolate, which didn't work out as well for him, because everyone died from dehydration and he had no one else to rule and torture, so he swallows the ring and dies. The end.

I wish Numenoreans weren't so damn proud.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Numenoreans weren't so damn proud.

Look at that! The wish is granted. But they are not proud; in fact they are all paranoid and hide away from the sun. They do not come to the aid of the elves to overthrow Sauron. Sauron wins the war and the world is plunged into a second darkness.

I wish that The Silmarilion included something about the End of Days,

[Boromir88]

I wish that The Silmarilion included something about the End of Days,
I grant your wish...You read in The Silmarillion, that the end of Days on Middle-earth were caused by a Chinchilla spawning outbreak.

I wish Denethor would shave his back hair.

[CaptainofDespair]

I wish Denethor would shave his back hair.

Your wish is granted! But, Denethor sees fit to use that back hair for hair plugs. So now, everyone just stares and laughs at poor old Denethor. In an attempt to fix it, he accidentally ignites his himself trying burn the plugs out.

I wish the Ring had a cape.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish the Ring had a cape.

Your wish is granted. The Ring starts his own mini series where he flies around saving the day. Super Ring out shines The Lord of the Rings and Tolkien fans the world over convert to Super Ring fans. Tolkien rises from the Dead and destroys all copies of the Lord of the Rings because he loves Super Ring so much.

I wish the Palantir were more widely available.

[Nilpaurion Felagund]

I wish the Palantir were more widely available.
Your wish is granted. Sauron sees Bilbo using the Ring in Mirkwood, and the whole of Middle-earth fell to evil hands by the 8th chapter of The Hobbit.

I wish Morgoth was a firefly.

[Glirdan]

I wish Morgoth was a firefly.

Your wish is granted. However, Morgoth was even stronger in firefly form than his regular form and the destruction of Middle-Earth happened be for the Elves even came.

I wish that the Valar who were not part of the Aratar would have been more invovled in the Silmarillion.

[wilwarin538]

I wish that the Valar who were not part of the Aratar would have been more invovled in the Silmarillion.

Your wish is granted. Nessa(my real life name) is now one of the main characters, instead of Varda. Varda gets jealous and kills Nessa. :eek: This terrible deed causes the end of all! :p

I wish that the good guys were the bad guys and the bad guys were the good guys. (for example Gandalf=bad, Sauron=good)

[Gil-Galad]

I wish that the good guys were the bad guys and the bad guys were the good guys. (for example Gandalf=bad, Sauron=good)


your wish is granted. this causes a great war becaue the evil elves tried to invade the generous Haradrim and steal their Tea-sipping Mumakil


I wish that Gandalf was actually a Ninja-Wizard

[Glirdan]

I wish that Gandalf was actually a Ninja-Wizard

Your wish is granted. However, he had Neo as his master and his lessons didn't go to well. There for, he went to Morpheus who was a much better teacher. In the end, he was able to beat Neo and become supreme ruler of The Matrix and Middle-Earth.

I wish Legolas wasn't always so obvious...

[arcticstorm]

your wish is granted,
unfortunately the reason Legolas was so obvious in the fis=rst place is that the rest of Middle earth was just so slow. So nobody realizes that marching on the black gate is a diversion. ;)

I wish that Pippen would have gone with Frodo instead of Sam at Rauros

[Boromir88]

I wish that Pippen would have gone with Frodo instead of Sam at Rauros
Your wish is granted, but Pippin was high on pipeweed, so when trying to go after Frodo, he drowns.

I wish Saruman was CEO of Starbucks.

[Celuien]

I wish Saruman was CEO of Starbucks.

Poof! Your wish is granted. Saruman is CEO of Starbucks. There's a shop on every street corner in Middle-earth and he spikes the coffee with a special potion that turns everyone who drinks it, including Sauron, into one of his servants. Saruman conquers Middle-earth and becomes the new Dark Lord.

I wish Gandalf were the head of the White Council.

[Glirdan]

I wish Gandalf were the head of the White Council.

You're wish is granted. The only difference is that he saved Middle-Earth sooner.

I wish that all of the members in the Barrow-Downs put on a play, for the entire world, of LOTR.

[Formendacil]

I wish that all of the members in the Barrow-Downs put on a play, for the entire world, of LOTR.

Your wish is granted, but since Eomer of the Rohirrim plays Theoden, and since Legolas plays Elrond, and since Boromir88 plays Faramir, there is endless confusion, and it goes down in history as the worst play ever, thus adding to the poor reputation of the LotR in critics' minds...

I wish that Dol Amroth was the capital of Gondor.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Dol Amroth was the capital of Gondor.

Your wish is granted. But everyone still prefers Minas Tirith, so it's only the capital on paper.

I wish that the Downs had its own mini serise.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Granted. It gets cancelled before the first commercial.

I wish Sauron didn't ruin whatever image he had whenever he lost a fight.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Sauron didn't ruin whatever image he had whenever he lost a fight.

Poof and woof! Sauron no longer loses his image when he loses a fight. He now loses it whenever he says the word 'kill'. So now his Orcs don't know what to do, as Sauron keeps changing shape and cannot finish a sentence. So they just go on a mad rampage through The Shire for no reason.

I wish that Minas Morgul was not made into an evil place.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Granted. It is so goody-two shoes that no one can stand the place.(When I meant Sauron losing his image, I meant his reputation. You can't really think highly of a warlord when he loses to a dog and surrenders to an unarmed women.)

I wish Gandalf would have told everyone at the Council of Elrond that the Eagles wouldn't fly Frodo to Mount Doom.

[The Perky Ent]

I wish Gandalf would have told everyone at the Council of Elrond that the Eagles wouldn't fly Frodo to Mount Doom.

Your wish is granted. Nothing changes in the story, and when Frodo is saved from Mordor by Eagles, the people don't mind, because Gandalf say "to" Mordor, and not "from"!

I wish the Anduin was made of Chocolate!

[Celuien]

I wish the Anduin was made of Chocolate!

Your wish is granted. The Anduin is a river of thick melted hot fudge sauce. The Fellowship's boats become trapped in the chocolate when they leave Lorien. They then try to eat the river only to fall in and drown, thus meeting a death by Chocolate. The Quest fails and Sauron wins.

I wish Barad-dur was a fuzzy pink skwerl.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Granted. It kills everyone and destroys Middle-Earth.

I wish we knew more about Rhovanion.

[AbercrombieOfRohan]

I wish we knew more about Rhovanion.

Your wish is granted, we now know so much about Rhovanion that we can't escape it and it's history. Eventually the entire population of the world goes mad and drowns themselves in the ocean.

I wish gollum was a pirate-platypus.

[Glirdan]

I wish gollum was a pirate-platypus.

Alakazam!!! Your wish has been fufilled. Gollum the platypus-pirate was the nasstiest pirate that sailed the seven seas. Unfourtunately, no one understood him and he eventually got nominated as the nicest pirate to sail the seven seas, and he didn't like it. So he killed everyone.

I wish The Perky Ent was a real Ent

[Meneltarmacil]

I wish The Perky Ent was a real Ent
Your wish is granted. Saruman's orcs come and chop him down.

I wish there were Hobbits living today.

[Kitanna]

I wish there were Hobbits living today.
Poof! Hobbits are now living in our time. But there's not much use for huge populations of Hobbits so they're sold to the Keebler company and forced to make cookies night and day.

I wish the Hobbits would invade Bree.

[Alcarillo]

I wish the Hobbits would invade Bree.

Your wish is granted. The Invasion of Bree sparks a war between men and the halflings, and ending in the eradication of the latter. The Shire is replaced by a giant concrete war monument, attracting thousands of tourists per year. The parking lot is expanded to cover all of Eriador, destroying Rivendell and the Grey Havens in the process.

I wish the name "Urwen" didn't sound so much like "Irwin".

[The 1,000 Reader]

Granted. Now it is pronounced so strangely that only Tom Bombadil and Eru Iluvatar can say it correctly.

I wish we knew what the Oathbreakers were called before they broke their oath.

[The Only Real Estel]

Posted by The 1,000 Reader:
I wish we knew what the Oathbreakers were called before they broke their oath.

Granted. Now we do...and we wish we didn't! :eek:

I wish I had a barrel of Longbottom leaf.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish I had a barrel of Longbottom leaf.

Pop! There is now a barrel in your lap. But your hands are tied behind your back by a length of rope. You cannot open it and go mad trying before you smash it open with your head and then realise you have no pipe.

I wish that elves lived in the woods behind my house.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Granted. Your house is now in the middle of nowhere.

I wish people would stop debating over Balrog wings.

[Eorl of Rohan]

Granted. People no longer debate over Balrog wings, but the post by 1000 reader made the combatants forget exactly what they were fighting for, and they train their armpower instead on 1000 reader, who disintegrates into dust.

I wish people in this thread wouldn't keep granting wishes with 'so and so Sauron takes over the world' or some such.

[Boromir88]

I wish people in this thread wouldn't keep granting wishes with 'so and so Sauron takes over the world' or some such.
Your wish is granted. Saruman takes over the world because of the absense of Sauron, who is in Mordor living as a hippy.

I wish Celeborn was a block of cheese.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Celeborn was a block of cheese.

Woosh! Look at that! He's a block of cheese. But you eat him. And you are allergic to cheese and so swell up to the size of Ireland and then burst.

I wish that the Elves could have fought at the Black Gate.

[The 1,000 Reader]

No offense Eorl, but that was a rather poor response. Their debating, not killing themselves with guns. Besides, I ducked.;)

On topic, your wish is granted. Unfortunately, Elrond is slain by the falling Morrannon and his children hold a series of wars against each other for the ownership of Rivendell.

I wish the shriek of a Nazgul would make Legolas run away screaming like a little girl.

[Kitanna]

I wish the shriek of a Nazgul would make Legolas run away screaming like a little girl.
Your wish is granted. After hearing the Nazgul shriek Legolas throws his arms up in the air and screams like a girl. As he's running away he runs face first into a tree. And there was much rejoicing.

I wish Celeborn would talk faster.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Celeborn would talk faster.

Gandalf removes his hat (among other things), and pulls from it, a pile of stones. Then he says "Thine wish is granted" and throws the stones away as they were irrelevant.
He talks faster. Much faster. So fast, that as he talks to the fellowship, his jaw sets on fire and he burns down Lorien.

I wish Frodo had sold Bag-End to the Gaffer.

[Eorl of Rohan]

Off Topic: I apologize, The 1000 Reader, if the remark seemed in bad taste to you. Now that I think of it, it might have been - sorry again.


I wish Frodo had sold Bag-End to the Gaffer.

Your wish is granted! Frodo sold the Bag-End to the Gaffer, who paid for it with bushels after bushels of potatos (having nothing else as a form of payment) and the overflowing stench of rotting potatos poison Frodo, and he dies of a potato-gas leak.

I wish my wish is not granted.

[Gothmog]

I wish my wish is not granted.

Poof! Your wish is granted and...not granted, which makes it granted, and not granted... And the paradox rips the universe in pieces, imploding in nothingness :eek: The only thing remaining is Eorl of Rohan, laughing at nothing :)

I wish Gandalf was a tax-collector

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Gandalf was a tax-collector

Your wish is Richard. E. Granted. Gandalf is a tax-collector. But he is so trusting and kind hearted that he lets people off payments until he goes bankrupt.

I wish that Farmer Maggot had given the Hobbits a limitless supply of Mushrooms.

[Anguirel]

Your wish is, er, yeah, like, sooo granted. Look! It's Tim Benzedrine riding a magenta giraffe! Hey, these shrooms are wack, man...

I wish a film company would give me a limitless budget to direct four live-action blockbuster Silmarillion films...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

REMEMBER TO QUOTE THE WISH YOU ARE GRANTING!!!

I wish a film company would give me a limitless budget to direct four live-action blockbuster Silmarillion films...

Your wish is granted. but the films are so long that people die of old age while watching it.

I wish that Old Toby was available at the corner shop!

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish that Farmer Maggot had given the Hobbits a limitless supply of Mushrooms.

Your wish is my command, sir! Farmer Maggot decides to give the hobbits a limitless supply of Mushrooms, but to supply it his mushroom fields needed to be also limitless, so, to grant your wishes, he goes and buys up the whole of middle earth - including the Valinor(the special mushrooms that have seen the light of the trees, now given for free!), the sunken land of Numenor (trying to grow a specimen of underwater mushrooms), and in fact everything else. Therefore, he is now the legal owner of whole middle earth, putting out of business the king of Gondor, as well as Rohan, Sauron, and the Barrow-wights (He smoked us out from our den of black and green, and sold us into slavery where we were forced to grow agaric mushrooms day and night.)

I wish I had a wad of longbottom leaf every time someone makes a wish.

[Eorl of Rohan]

Apparently I write so slow that two posts overtook me. Or maybe I think slow. :rolleyes:

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish I had a wad of longbottom leaf every time someone makes a wish.

Your wish is granted. All your long bottom leaf is in your house. Unfortunatly, you have locked yourself out of the house and cannto get in.

I wish that Hobbits had HUGE hands.

[Gothmog]

I wish that Hobbits had HUGE hands.

ZZZAAAPPP!!! All hobbits ever lived have/ had huge hands. Unfortunely, that means none of them could ever had worn the ring. The ring was left with Gollum in his cave and after centuries of practise he learned to control its powers and became new SRDC (Supreme Ruling Disgusting Creature) and still rules the world in secret.

I've always known somethings wrong in the world...

I wish the Barrow-Wight got the ring

[Glirdan]

I wish the Barrow-Wight got the ring

Your wish is granted. B-W saw Bilbo on his way to The Lonely Mountain and he killed Bilbo and took the Ring. He usurped Sauron from the throne and became the ruler of Middle-Earth where all his fellow Downer's had a city or village they owned. However, the subjects of those villages soon grew tired of endless disscussions about Warg and Warg-Riders, making up Crazy Captions for pictures of the Fellowship and endless debates on who/what/where Tom Bombadil came from/is and whether or not Balrog's had wings. They then rebbeled and usruped B-W from his throne and peace was restored in Middle-Earth, but the Downer's still lived there in peace and harmony.

I wish I could meet Daeron and learn to write good poetry. (singing after all is technically a form of poetry)

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish I could meet Daeron and learn to write good poetry. (singing after all is technically a form of poetry)

Your wish is fulfilled! However, Daeron taught you only 'good' poetry, having mistaken your intent (ex. ethical), and you spend the rest of your life writing rhymes for Catholic church choir until you die of ink poisoning. That comes of using abstract terms - the worst thing possible in writing poetry!

I wish Boromir killed Aragorn and became king in his own right.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Granted. Boromir then returns to Gondor, sends out scouting parties for the ring, finds it, and charges alone into Mordor, thinking himself to hold the power of a god. He dies, and Middle-Earth falls into darkness again.

I wish all those killed by a falling rock could have met a more honorable death.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Remember to quote the wish you are granting and to make your own wish bold!

I wish all those killed by a falling rock could have met a more honorable death.

Your wish is not granted. Sorry, but the way they die is not under Gandalf's control.

I wish that Tree Beard would visit Bag End one day.

[The 1,000 Reader]

Granted. Unfortunately, Treebeard is too large to fit in Bag End so he has no choice but to tear the roof off.

I wish all those killed by a falling rock were given a more honorable death.

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish all those killed by a falling rock were given a more honorable death.

Granted. All those people that went around and killed people, by the urging of a falling rock, were given a more honorable death than their victims.

I wish people would remember to quote the wish one is granting and to make one's own wish bold!

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish people would remember to quote the wish one is granting and to make one's own wish bold!

Your wish is granted. It causes too much of a hassle however, and this thread is closed when it reaches the eighth page.



I wish Butterbur wasn't so dim-witted.

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish Butterbur wasn't so dim-witted.

Butterbur is now not so dim-witted - he is clever, so amazingly clever, in fact, that he goes and devises a way to send Gandalf's letter actually BEFORE he wrote it - therefore Frodo and his gang reach Imradris when Boromir was not yet there, (he arrived just the day before the hobbits did, Elrond said in the book), and Gandalf was still imprisoned by Saruman, and then the Fellowship is never made - so and so Sauron does not take over the world, here note the word 'not', because Tolkien never writes bad endings. Bad for the moral, see?

I wish Hookbill was active in the roleplay section as well. (hey, I like it there!)

[Thinlómien]

I wish Hookbill was active in the roleplay section as well. (hey, I like it there!)
Your wish is granted. He is so active in the RPG section, that he crowds all games with his posts and everyone has problems with figuring out what characters other than Hookbill's have done or said, that RPG mods decide to banish him from the RPG sections. This causes Hookbill to be very depressed and at the end he kills himself by trying to send anthrax-powder to the RPG mods.

I wish that Arwen had fallen in love with Legolas instead of Aragorn.

[Glirdan]

Abra Kadabra!!! Your wish is granted. As soon as she laid eyes on Legolas, she forgot all about her love for Aragorn and became so deeply immersed in her woe because everyone knew tha Legolas didn't swing that way ( :p :rolleyes: ) that she ended up dieing.

I wish that Fëanor and his sons weren't so bigheaded.

[Gothmog]

I wish that Fëanor and his sons weren't so bigheaded.

And your wish is granted. But The Silmarillion wouldn't be very interesting without them forever fighting for the jewels, so it ends up as a reeaaaally boring book about the elven life in Valinor, big brother style. 9875 years of intrigues in a bookseries of 342 books. And of course nobody reads them...

I wish the Ring was made of Winegum

[Gil-Galad]

I wish the Ring was made of Winegum

your wish is granted, The Ring was much sought as being the one winegum to rule them all, but as the years go older, the Winegum got stale and harder, so everyone forgot about it and bought Reese Peanut Butter Cups and there was no story left to make LOTR's trilogy


I wish that all the weapons were switched around (Legolas gets Axe, Aragorn gets bow etc.)

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that all the weapons were switched around (Legolas gets Axe, Aragorn gets bow etc.)

With a ping and a gong the wish was granted! However, Frodo now gets the saucepans and The Saucepan man chases him as he had stolen one of his favourites. Frodo then falls of the edge of a cliff and the ring is taken by The Barrow Wight! :eek: draw your own conclusions.

I wish that there were jelly babies in Middle Earth!

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish that there were jelly babies in Middle Earth!

Your wish is granted. But they work for Sauron and killed Eowyn and Merry at the Battle of Pellenor Fields before they had a chance to kill the Witch-King.

I wish that Tirion was really made of tuna.

[Boromir88]

I wish that Tirion was really made of tuna.
Your wish is granted, but the Middle-earth diet consists of purely tuna, and it took so much Tuna to build Tirion, everyone ended up starving.

I wish Aragorn would take a bath for once

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish Aragorn would take a bath for once

Your wish is granted! Aragorn now takes a bath - on which, Bilbo sues Aragorn for infringing the copyright of his bath song. However, Aragorn puts pressure on the courtroom judges so that his request for a trial is denied. Bilbo in a fit of rage breaks into Aragorn's bath-chamber, and drowns him in soapy water while humming to the tune - Ho! For the warm bath at the End of Day(s)! Of course, his prediction is fulfilled.

I wish Gil-Galad would post after me. Yay! It happened.

EDIT: That way, everything works out quite well.

[Gil-Galad]

I wish Aragorn would take a bath for once

your wish is granted. though after Aragorn took a bath, his ratings fell and he lost the gondor Idol title, ironically Gimli was second place so he became the new King of Gondor and married Arwen and had 3 beauitful childeren, Immanuel, Joespeh and Supa Fly.


I wish that the Elves were actually Santa's Little Elves

:Cross Posted... well go with mine cause its actually a wish :p :

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that the Elves were actually Santa's Little Elves

Your wish is granted. Although, Feanor thinks that Santa is a tyrant and so raises up an army ageist him and there are no more toys for the Children. Well done.

I wish that Tom Bombadill would release an LP of his best songs (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v604/hukbillgoomba/Bombadillsings.jpg).

[Celuien]

I wish that Tom Bombadill would release an LP of his best songs (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v604/hukbillgoomba/Bombadillsings.jpg).

Your wish is granted. Tom releases his recording and it is played over loudspeakers that can be heard from Harad to the Grey Havens 24 hours a day. Unfortunately, the incessant ring-a-ding-dillos drive everyone within earshot to insanity, so the citizens of Middle-earth smash all copies of the recording and exile Tom to unknown lands in the East.

I wish Moria was an amusement park.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Moria was an amusement park.

Whoosh! Your wish is granted! However, due to Dwarves being hoarders rather than spenders of cash, most of the rides are incredibly dangerous and or unfinished. Five Hobbits, three elves, seven and a half men and two goblins die on the first day.

I wish that some Barrow Down’s merchandise were available in everyone’s local shop.

[Glirdan]

I wish that some Barrow Down’s merchandise were available in everyone’s local shop.

Your wish is granted. Everyone's local shop got mysteriously crowded with Barrow-Down's items. Because they mysteriously appeared there, they were shot out. But they kept coming back. Eventually, the UN decided to shut the Barrow-Downs and all of the members decided to rebel and we ended up ruling the world, B-W being the Supreme ruler.

I wish that Gil and phantom weren't so arrogant. :p ;)

[ohtatyaro]

Your wish is granted

But they lose the ability to post, since they are afraid to hurt someones feelings. They both drop out of the thread and go to the monastery to spend the rest of their lives as monks...

I wish I had a mithril coat to wear under my jacket

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish I had a mithril coat to wear under my jacket

Granted and more! You have a mithril coat under your jacket. But your jacket is at the bottom of the ocean and you cant' get at it because of the sharks.

I wish that there were some good Dragons that could fight alongside the Gondorians and all the other good people.

[Anguirel]

I wish that there were some good Dragons that could fight alongside the Gondorians and all the other good people.

Done and done. But they still need feeding, and all the Hobbits are converted into farmed Dragon-provender for the benefit of the war against Sauron...

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Erm, not making a wish, Anguirel? Do you not need anything? :p

[Anguirel]

Argh!

I wish I could remember the rules of this game properly...

That should do for now!

[Kitanna]

I wish I could remember the rules of this game properly...

Granted! But in remembering the rules to this game you forget the rules to everything else and are forced to post here and only here for the end of your days.

I wish Tolkien would come back from the dead to end this Balrog wing debate.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Tolkien would come back from the dead to end this Balrog wing debate.

Granted! But he is a zombie and goes after people saying "Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrmmmmmssss" as apposed to "Brrrraaaaaiiiinnnssss! And no one can hear him say whether Balrogs have wings or not.

I wish Butterbur had sent the letter from Gandalf.

[Celuien]

I wish Butterbur had sent the letter from Gandalf.

Done. But he entrusted the letter to Pallando, who had returned from the East to drink ale in Bree. While drinking, he forgot all about the letter and brought it with him on his wanderings instead of delivering it. Frodo never received the letter, decided not to trust Strider and was eaten by Neekerbreekers while lost on the road to Rivendell.

I wish Sam and Gollum were best friends.

[Kitanna]

I wish Sam and Gollum were best friends.

Consider it done. Sam and Gollum become the best of friends and Frodo becomes their third wheel. Sam and Gollum decide to open a resturant and they name it 'Fat and Sneaky's', all they serve is taters and raw fish. Frodo, tired of being left out, burns down the resturant and is thrown in jail forced to share a cell with the Mouth of Sauron.

I wish my eyebrows were like movie Elrond's.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish my eyebrows were like movie Elrond's.

With a ping and a pong the fiddle stick broke and the wish was granted!
However, they take on a life of their own and begin telling you to rob banks and steal taters. In the end you decide to rip them from your face and you spend the rest of time wandering the seas with no eyebrows.

I wish Gandalf's hat was more magical and contained a limitless supply of food!

[Eorl of Rohan]

Granted! But he is a zombie and goes after people saying "Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrmmmmmssss" as apposed to "Brrrraaaaaiiiinnnssss! And no one can hear him say whether Balrogs have wings or not.
OFF TOPIC: Okay, I see the wish is granted! Tolkien says Arms instead of Brains - what does it mean? Balrogs did not have wings, they had arms! The case is finished!

I wish Gandalf's hat was more magical and contained a limitless supply of food!
ON TOPIC: It now contains a limitless supply of food. However, the rules of the nature are not changed, so the weight of the limitless supply of food crushes Gandalf's head like eggshell and therefore Saruman dances in his grave.

I wish that Boromir was more vividly portrayed in the book.

[ohtatyaro]

Your wish is granted. Boromir is most vividly portrayed man in the book. But than, nobody seems to remember Frodo or the Ring or that old fellow, forgot the name, you know, one with the beard and always teaching others what to do, that fiery thing in that Moria place got him. How many others there were besides Boromir, you say? I mean, everyone will just quit reading after Boromir is dead, so nobody will know what happened next, but noone will give a penny to know that anyways...

I wish I had a pony named Bill

[Hookbill the Goomba]

Remember to quote the wish you are granting!!!!! :mad:

The "Arms" thing came from a joke running in my family. Zombies in modern films don't say "brains!" like they did on old ones, but just groan. Their groans sometimes sound like "arms!" :D

Anyway,

I wish I had a pony named Bill

Your wish is granted. But due to Gandalf asking for your wish in writing, you accidentally write "Phoney" and so he gets confused and turns you into an old man called John, who just calls himself Bill.

I wish that Beren had taken two Silmarills!

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish that Beren had taken two Silmarills!

Your wish is granted. But Beren loses both arms to Carcharoth.

I wish that Tolkien had finished The New Shadow.

[ohtatyaro]

I wish that Tolkien had finished The New Shadow.

Your wish is granted

But it turns out that the book is more interesting for movie-making then LoTR is- I mean, political strife, revolution, that kind of thing. Peter Jackson is not filming the trilogy, but goes for the New Shadow insted, which turns out to be ordinary conspiracy movie. No oscars, no renown. As a result, people like me are not turned to Tolkien and the Barrow-Downs remains small place. Since it is small, no such topic as this one is made, no one wishes that New Shadow was finished, so it is no finished, no one films it, Jackson films LoTR, the board swells, the topic is made, you wish for it, it is filmed, BD again is small.... a-a-a-a, Time Circle!

I wish Isildur had a light-saber

[HerenIstarion]

I wish Isildur had a light-saber

Going along with the 'time-circle' theme here ... your wish is granted, but than, Narsil is not broken, Sauron is beaten there and then and the Ring is melted by the heat of the lazer. End of story - no Lord of the Rings books (not to mention movies) - no BarrowDowns - no lightsabers - story is written again and so forth (same principle). Story in circle, closed upon itself again :)

I wish Frodo had a helicopter

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish Frodo had a helicopter

Great, Frodo now has a helicopter! After volunteering at Elrond's council, he immediately makes use of it to fly up to the top of Mount Doom, drops the ring into the pit of fire, and then there's no story and therefore no Barrow-Downs and therefore this thread does not exist, and therefore there are too many therefores so that the subscription for this non-existent thread becomes immensely valuable to the eyes of crazy barrow-downers and collectors.

My dog wishes that she could eat lembas.

PS. She's currently nosing me for food.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

My dog wishes that she could eat lembas.

Granted. But it cannot eat anything else. If it does it explodes. And as there is no lembas in the world... you get the idea.

I wish Hobbits kept Oliphants as pets.

[Gothmog]

I wish Hobbits kept Oliphants as pets.

Your wish is granted! Problem is Oliphants are VERY big. Because Hobbits love their new pets so much, they always play with them and after a couple of days, the whole Shire is trashed by galloping Oliphants running after sticks while enthusiastic halflings shout "Fetch, fetch! Good boy! Here you are, ten barrels of apples..." So no more Shire!

I wish Frodo and Sam started a rock band

[HerenIstarion]

I wish Frodo and Sam started a rock band

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, neither has more than vague idea what exactly 'rock band' actually is. Assuming it must be relatively numerous group of people throwing stones, they form one. Since they are strictly forbidden by the Thain to throw stones at hobbits, they come into habit of haunting highways to practice on passing dwarves and 'big folk'. As a result, Shire is renamed into Sherwood and its borders closed by royal decree #72 'about highway robbers in the North-West of our country'. Following decline in trade leads to splitting up of the Shire as a state. Hobbits are scattered, and 'far less numerous and prosperous' by the time of publication of The Hobbit

I wish Gandalf was muscular and Conan-barbarian-like rather than robed, and had a marine tattoo

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Gandalf was muscular and Conan-barbarian-like rather than robed, and had a marine tattoo

Planted and granted. But when he uncloaks, no one notices and so he gets upset and weeps endlessly till he falls into the sea and never helps Frodo and the Black Riders take the Ring!

I wish Dwarves' moustaches were made of iron.

[Anguirel]

Planted and granted. But when he uncloaks, no one notices and so he gets upset and weeps endlessly till he falls into the sea and never helps Frodo and the Black Riders take the Ring!

I wish Dwarves' moustaches were made of iron.

Granted. But the iron is strongly magnetic and Dwarf armies become rather an odd sight, with eskimo kissing rife...

I wish my larder was as well stocked as Bag End's.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish my larder was as well stocked as Bag End's.

It is done! But it is stocked with stolen goods and you are arrested and thrown to the Trolls!

I wish the Nazgûl went onto solo careers.

[Gothmog]

I wish the Nazgûl went onto solo careers.

Kazaam! I am the Genie of the Lamp and...what the heck, your wish is granted (two to go).
Only Witchking of Angmar and Khamul have any succesful careers though. Because nobody knows what the others names are, they're soon forgotten. The 7 forgotten ringwraiths decides that it would be better to gather the old crew again, but the two other doesn't find this very tempting. They're making big money on their own, so a bitter feud starts. It all ends with a devastating battle which ruins Minas Morgul and nobody's sorry for that. It was kind of a dump anyway...


I wish Saruman had a facelift and an extreme makeover

[Kitanna]

I wish Saruman had a facelift and an extreme makeover
POOF! Your wish is granted. Saruman has a complete makeover. Thus becoming far more beautiful then Legolas. In his jealous rage Legolas shoots Saruman with his arrows, reclaiming his title as prettiest in Middle-Earth. Unfortunately while he was trying to stop Saruman Aragorn took a bath and was crowned most beautiful.

I wish Theoden never died.

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish Theoden never died.

Granted. Eowyn is killed in his place, thus allowing the Morgul Lord to survive and cause large amounts of damage on the battlefield and lead the orcs of Minas Morgul to victory. The Witch-King is slain when the ring is destroyed, however, since Eru took pity for the hobbits.

I wish the Eye of Sauron could see better.

[Eorl of Rohan]

Ooh, my darling puppy imploded! +goes after Hook with a knife+ ;)

I wish the eye of Sauron could see better

Your wish is granted! Eye of Sauron now reaches past the infinite stretch of the universe, in fact, he sees everything, so much that the receiver for sensory perceptions are flooded with images so much that it is impossible for him to remember anything he sees for more than a second.

I wish Hurin was the one who said 'Now comes the night'.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Hurin was the one who said 'Now comes the night'.

Okay. Hurin is now Turin. And Turin is now Hurin. Everyone gets confused and goes for a little sit down.

I wish the Valar would have delta with Melkor earlier.

[Glirdan]

I wish the Valar would have delta with Melkor earlier.

WISH GRANTED!!! The Valar dealt with him sooner, so soon he wasn't able to convince Sauron to join him and that meant there was only one great evil.

I wish that we lived in M-E during the War of the Rings

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish that we lived in M-E during the War of the Rings

Granted. We all now live in Middle-East during the War of the Rings, and as it did not take place in Middle East, we miss out on all the fun, and as we can't read arabic, and don't have any money for airplane fare, we never get to read LOTR again.

I wish Aragorn was immortal.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Aragorn was immortal.

Your wish is granted. But the reason why he was immortal was because he had the One Ring and became a wraith.

I wish Turin hadn't killed Beleg.

[HerenIstarion]

I wish Turin hadn't killed Beleg

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, I can't think of anything more unfortunate that what befell Turin afterwards, so all ended well. At least, better than it actually did.


I wish Ar-Pharazon had a diving suit and, sea scooter and fuel supply to last him for several thousand nautical miles

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Ar-Pharazon had a diving suit and, sea scooter and fuel supply to last him for several thousand nautical miles.

Granted! But he forgets to wear them when he does diving and subsequently drowns.

I wish Bilbo had done more fighting in the Battle of five armies.

[HerenIstarion]

I wish Bilbo had done more fighting in the Battle of five armies

Granted. Bilbo goes berserk and takes out six hundred and one warg, four hundred sixty four goblins, seventy two hobgoblings and a half an ork (only half, as another half simultaneously falls into a precipice, cut by its own scimitar by accident) single-handed. Also, being a perfect marksman after the fashion of his kind, he spits down seven hundred and three bats. The rest of the five armies are so amazed to see such a fury, they stay stupefied and do no more than gaping at one who was previously thought of as 'that burglar dwarves have'. After Bilbo is exhausted, the antagonists make a truce never to make war with hobbits nearby. Unfortunately, Sauron learns about hobbits and their importance earlier, bides his time until Bilbo The Furious (as he is known after the battle) turns 111 and leaves the Shire and moves his main force against the Shire instead of Gondor. Ring is captured, and despite Bilbo's last stand in Imladris, dark years return to Middle Earth...

I wish Queen Beruthiel would have had dogs

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish Queen Beruthiel would have had dogs

Your wish is granted. Beruthiel no longer keeps cats, but instead decides that she likes malteses and toy poodles better. Everyone knows what fabulously great and happy results had that change of history has wrought - her canine pets, and Fenny (My toy poodle, the only one white, set to torment the other dogs), unfortunately were more protective of their mistress than would've the cats, and therefore Queen Beruthiel didn't get exiled but continued to terrorize her territory until they were all wiped out by Rabies. The results were only fabulously great and happy to the Haradrim, the only race that lived to tell this tale.

I wish Manwe and Mandos and Ulmo waged war on each other.

[HerenIstarion]

I wish Manwe and Mandos and Ulmo waged war on each other

Your wish is granted. They play Rock, Paper, Scissors, and Mandos wins. The losing two are kept in his halls until the end of Arda.

I wish Palantiri had remote controls

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Palantiri had remote controls

Granted. They now have remote controls so Saruman drives his around his room all day and night as he lost his remote control car years ago. He ends up killing Gandalf by leaving it on the stairs.

I wish Orthank was made of fangs, to go with the name Mount Fang.

[Glirdan]

ZAAP!! Whish Granted. Orthanc became Mount Fang and Mount Doom became Mount Zoom. Since Mount Zoom went so fast, it couldn't see where it was going and crashed into Mount Fang which brought it's early demise. Unfortunately, Mount Fang lost all appetitie for anything else and turned back into Orthanc, with Saruman imprisoned in it.

I Turgon would have been the first High King of the Noldor.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I Turgon would have been the first High King of the Noldor.

Granted. But he takes the phrase "High King" a little too literally and decided that he has to go on stilts all the time and his throne has to be suspended on a pole. He falls of after three minuets and dies.

I wish that Gandalf and the Witch King became best friends.

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish that Gandalf and the Witch King became best friends.

Wee! Now these two are best friends ever. However, as it is theoretically impossible to ever love anyone more than oneself, (Love directed toward another in in fact the sub-division of self-love that deals in giving metal pleasure to oneself by loving the other.) Gandalf IS Witch King, which, despite the immensity of this, does not change the fact that Frodo destroyed the ring, because fate governs mysteriously and this incident has been pre-ordained from the first.

I wish Sauron would come kill our president.

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish Sauron would come kill our president.

Granted. However, Bush is actually the remains of Sauron in this world(proof of this is a picture of him wearing a new "One Ring,") and so Bush kills himself at the end of his term and reforms sixty years later, wins the election, and becomes the president once more.


I wish Sauron didn't stupidly send his army out one werewolf at a time to face Huan.

[Eorl of Rohan]

Er, Bush isn't my country's president. In fact, he's our mortal enemy. :confused:

EDIT: Although, to tell the truth, I had wished the exactly same thing as your last wish when I read Unfinished Tales. Is he stupid, or what? Just swarm the dog over with a whole pack and there'd been no consquences.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Sauron didn't stupidly send his army out one werewolf at a time to face Huan.

Pop! Granted! He sends them out in one big group, accompanied by many normal villagers and Huan has to play an extra long W-W game before continuing the quest. Unfortunately, he's not very good at it and hangs Luthien on the first night.

I wish the three elven rings had not failed when the one was destroyed.

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish the three elven rings had not failed when the one was destroyed.

Granted. The elven rings keep their power. Unfortunately, this means that they have no ties to the one ring or any of the other rings and thus they are too weak to make a difference.


I wish the Barad-Dur crumbled the first time it was built because Sauron never put in the foundations when he should have.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish the Barad-Dur crumbled the first time it was built because Sauron never put in the foundations when he should have.

G-g-g-g-g-g-granted! Barad-dur is falling down! Falling Down! Falling down! And so on. However, learning from his mistake, Sauron builds the tower bigger and better with foundations so deep that he wakens five hundred Balrogs and they all come into his service! :eek:

I wish Ents would ride on Oliphants.

[Eorl of Rohan]

Er, Bush isn't my country's president. In fact, he's our mortal enemy. :confused:

EDIT: Although, to tell the truth, I had wished the exactly same thing as your last wish when I read Unfinished Tales. Is he stupid, or what? Just swarm the dog over with a whole pack and there'd been no consquences.

OFF TOPIC: Er, whoever it is that gave me a negative rep for 'The Downs is not a place for political discussions or anything', exactly what of this post is political? I'm not complaining or anything, I just don't think this is a political post by just saying that Bush is not my country's president.

AND BY STUPID THING, I MEANT SAURON IN REGARDS TO 1000 READERS POST, WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN QUITE OBVIOUS IF ONE HAS ACTUALLY READ THE POST I WAS REPLYING TO!

Oh, dear, I think I should control my feelings. Why do people immediately assume that North Koreans are full of 'Our Father Kim Jung-Il the benevolent' and all that crap? +trembles with anger+

[Kitanna]

I wish Ents would ride on Oliphants.
And your wish is granted! Ents take up oliphant riding and everyone in Middle-Earth is terrified of them. They just stomp and herd everything in sight!

I wish Peter Jackson had put a huge song and dance number into ROTK.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Peter Jackson had put a huge song and dance number into ROTK.

Wow! Gandalf makes fireworks the size of houses and your wish is granted! Jackson puts a huge song and dance number into the end of The Return of the King. It is sung by all the elves on the boat to Valinor! But everyone is so fed up with waiting for the end that they go around to Jackson's house and fill it with custard.

I wish more Hobbits would believe Bilbo's story and read the Red Book.

[Eorl of Rohan]

I wish more Hobbits would believe Bilbo's story and read the Red Book.

Yay! Now everyone believes Bilbo. In fact, now it is the rage in all the Hobbiton to purchase a 'leather-bound, brand-new copy of the Red Book, signed personally by Bilbo himself, now on sale - limited supply. Don't miss this chance!'. This fad eventually bankrupts almost all hobbits, (except for the illiterate and the already-broke) and the whole Shire territory is sold off to Lobelia Baggins (Illiterate) who eventually create a "Lob" dynasty over the said countryside.

I wish Faramir were only half-brother with Boromir, so that he could feel to scruple in killing him and taking over the throne instead of Aragorn.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Faramir were only half-brother with Boromir, so that he could feel to scruple in killing him and taking over the throne instead of Aragorn.

Ah! Gandalf sees that this may be good, and so grants the wish. But however much Faramir wishes to kill Boromir, when it comes to it, Boromir kills him. Boromir then tries to kill Aragorn, but he kills Boromir. Aragorn then tries to kill Gandalf, but Gandalf kills him. Gandalf then decided to kill Manwe, but he kills Gandalf. Manwe decided to kill Eru, but he kills Manwe and Eru feels sad that he can't think of anyone to kill.

I wish Wromtong had a literal tong made from a worm!

[Gothmog]

I wish Wromtong had a literal tong made from a worm!
And now he does! Problem is, its wriggling and twisting (not at all satisfied with its present location) so much that he can't produce one single line of understandeble speak. This makes him a very poor advisor, so Theoden decides to fire him. Actually literally firing him: he ties the poor man to one of Gandalfs rockets and sends him flying to the moon. There he met Tilion, whom he became a very goo friend with (both of them lacked of other friends) and all ended happily!

See, not every wish has to end bad!

I wish Sauron had a small, cute pet-puppy

[Kitanna]

I wish Sauron had a small, cute pet-puppy
Granted! Sauron is now the owner of Mitzy, an adorable little Yorkie. Or is it Mitzy who owns Sauron? The dog is so spoiled Sauron gives it Orthanc as a dog house and the White Tree of Gondor as a chew toy. Then one day Mitzy runs away and Sauron is so filled with grief he launches his assault on Minas Tirith.

I wish there was a course at my college that only taught stuff about Tolkien and his works.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish there was a course at my college that only taught stuff about Tolkien and his works.

Woooooooooooosssssssssshhhhhhhhhhm! The college now teaches Tolkienology. However, they teach it with such little enthusiasm that the lessons drag on for hours and hours until you go mad and turn into Gollum.

I wish Smaug had decided to be good.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Smaug had decided to be good.

Your wish is granted. But he decided to be good to Sauron and turned Rivendell into charred ruins. He was only killed when he called Sauron a Communist as a compliment. Sauron took offence with that because he was a Nazi.

I wish that Feanor hadn't listened to Morgoth's lies.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Feanor hadn't listened to Morgoth's lies.

"Ah! Elbereth, Gilthoniel!" Cries Gandalf. Then, he grants thw wish.

Feanor doesn’t' hear the lies of Morgoth because he is deaf. He no longer becomes a craftsman and decides that he would rather be a taxman for reasons unknown to anyone. He refuses to learn sign language or lip-reading and so doesn’t comprehend anything and is thus exiled from polite society.

I wish Gandalf had got a new hat when he became Gandalf the white.

[ohtatyaro]

wish Gandalf had got a new hat when he became Gandalf the white.

Granted! Gandalfs gets white sombrero. But with it comes ranch which needs looking after, so Gandalf settles down and becomes a cowboy. The Gondor armies are now supplied with perfect meat with Gandalf's G brandmark, they are well-fed, but leaderless, and they lose the war

I wish there were other titles in Sauron's service besides his 'Mouth', like, Nose of Sauron, Ears of Sauron, Armpit of Sauron and maybe even Buttocks of Sauron too

[HerenIstarion]

I wish there were other titles in Sauron's service besides his 'Mouth', like, Nose of Sauron, Ears of Sauron, Armpit of Sauron and maybe even Buttocks of Sauron too

Your wish is granted. But they all quarrel over supremacy and career oportunities, so each body member promoted to be new Head lasts no more than two days. Eventually, least agile and clever Mouth is left to be Sauron's sole representative by the time of the war of the Ring.

I wish Thorin was less stubborn and would make an alliance with Thranduil during his captivity in Mirkwood

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Thorin was less stubborn and would make an alliance with Thranduil during his captivity in Mirkwood

Your wish is granted. But an alliance of Dwarves and Elves slaughters Bard and his soldiers to recover the Arkenstone.

I wish Tolkien wrote more about Sauron's dealings with Saruman.

[Anguirel]

I wish Tolkien wrote more about Sauron's dealings with Saruman.

Your wish is easily done. It's pretty anticlimactic though; the pair of them just play endless games of golf.

I wish I possessed a first edition of the Noldolante.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish I possessed a first edition of the Noldolante.

Grudgingly granted. But when you possess the book, you find that in book form you cannot do a lot, not even read yourself and so you fall into despair.

I wish the Nazgûl had turned on Sauron and called him a nasty man.

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish the Nazgûl had turned on Sauron and called him a nasty man.

Granted. They call him so and he falls into depression, eventually hanging himself from the Barad-Dur. The Witch-King becomes the new Dark Lord of Middle-Earth, and all hope is lost.


I wish orcs didn't smell so bad.

[HerenIstarion]

I wish orcs didn't smell so bad

Your wish is granted. But since it is impossible to remove ork stench, the reformers chose to approach the problem from different angle. All the Free Peoples undergo nose-circumcision operation in the early childhood. Noselessness becomes hallmark of progress and democracy, and the custom is emulated by population of near Harad in the early days of Aragorn's reign. And though much beauty is lost forever when Legolas' nose is gone, new fashion of wearing mithril prosthetic nose-devices is introduced by him to Mirkwood haut monde...

I wish Beorn ate Bilbo

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Beorn ate Bilbo

Your wish is granted. But the stomach ache was not the worst that happened to him. When the Dwarves figured it out they killed him with there axes.

I wish that Radagast had realized that Saruman was up to no good.

[Lord Melkor]

Your wish is granted. Enraged by Saruman's treachery Radagast calls in some favours with the Eagles, who launch a full-scale aerial assault on Isengard. However, Saruman's machinery succeeds in driving them off with heavy casualties, including Gwaihir. As a result the Eagles will not be able to aid Aragorn's army at the Black Gate and Aragorn, Merry, Pippin, Legolas and Gimli are all killed in battle.

I wish Varda would leave that spineless fool Manwe for Melkor

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Varda would leave that spineless fool Manwe for Melkor

Your wish is granted. However, when they try to remove his spine, Manwe gets rather annoyed and asks them what they think they are doing. When he finds out, he is very upset and decided to go and sit in Taniquetil for a while before dressing Varda up as himself and leaving her at the gates of Angband.

I wish the Silmarills were too heavy for Melkor to carry.

[Morsul the Dark]

Your wish is granted but due to their new weight he drops them and the land on yvanna killing her

I wish that Treebeard ruled Middle-Earth

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Treebeard ruled Middle-Earth

Your wish is granted. However, the pressure of Middle Earth ruler takes its toll on old Fangorn and he decided to go around eating people until he explodes.

I wish the winged steeds the Nazgûl used were really stupid and kept trying eat the Nazgûl.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish the winged steeds the Nazgûl used were really stupid and kept trying eat the Nazgûl.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately one of the steeds dropped the Witch-King into the Dead Marshes. He found Frodo, Sam, and Gollum and brought them to an Orc patrol after removing the One Ring. They all went to Barad-Dur, where the Hobbits were tortured for years. With the power of the Ring Sauron conquered all of Middle-Earth and ruled it for thousands of years.

I wish that Theoden had survived the War of the Ring.

[The 1,000 Reader]

I wish that Theoden had survived the War of the Ring.

Granted. Aragorn dies in his place, and without a brave and noble king to lead them, Gondor does not go to the Black Gate, thus causing problems for Frodo and Sam. Luckily, Rohan still goes and buys enough time for the ring to be destroyed, although Eomer and most of Rohan's army die in battle.


I wish that we knew more about the powers of the ainur.

[Valesse]

I wish that we knew more about the powers of the ainur.

Wish Granted! But upon hearing the distance calls of Ulmo's mighty horns his deep and terrible music most literally blows you and your fellow's minds. Or all at once we fall into a mighty, incurable depression while empathizing with Nienna, and Middle Earth becomes rid of Zoloft...thus making Frodo unable to function and/or destroy the ring of power. Poof! Sauron's back in action!

I wish to see an "All Elven" travelling circus act!

[Kitanna]

I wish to see an "All Elven" travelling circus act!
Children of all ages gather 'round! Valesse's wish has been granted!
Middle-Earth becomes home to an "All Elven" circus and Elrond is the ring master. Galadriel wows the crowd with her trained poodles. Celeborn is the lion tamer. Glorifindel is the tight-rope walker. And Arwen juggles Hobbits. It is quite the sight to see.

I wish it was possible to have Hobbits as pets.

[Boromir88]

I wish it was possible to have Hobbits as pets.
Kitanna, I grant your wish. But, PAITH (Parents Against Ill Treatment of Hobbits) sue you in court for 100 million dollars for keeping them in a cage.

I wish Saruman invented snickers

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Saruman invented snickers

Your wish is granted. But Saruman used the money to start a career in politics during which he was appointed director of Health and Human Services. But after a terrorist attack by the AGES, Anti-Genetic Engineering Society, which was secretly founded by Saruman, he became president for life. He was only stopped after Merlin put a spell on him that he could only tell the truth, but even so he was only defeated after a bloody civil war.


I wish that Fingolfin killed Morgoth.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish that Fingolfin killed Morgoth.

Your wish is granted. However, Morgoth fell on top of Fingolfin and killed him. What's more, Sauron was the only one who saw the fight and so he took on the shape of Morgoth and became the new Dark Lord. He hid the body and took the Silmarills and ruled the armies much better than Morgoth ever did. Beleriand is in dire peril! :eek:

I wish Mount fang had wheels and could race Mount Zoom!

[The 1,000 Reader]

ruled the armies much better than Morgoth ever did.

I wish Mount fang had wheels and could race Mount Zoom!

(It's a good thing this is a joke thread, or I'd think you had lost your mind.)

Granted. Unfortunately, the tires pop and Mount Fang crashes into our already burnt-down Rivendel. At least it cleared up the landscape.


I wish Isildur sliced off Sauron's HAND to take the ring from Sauron.

[Meneltarmacil]

I wish Isildur sliced off Sauron's HAND to take the ring from Sauron.
Your wish is granted. Sauron's hand, however, choked Isildur to death and the ring was returned to its master.

I wish there were dinosaurs in Middle-Earth.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish there were dinosaurs in Middle-Earth.

Granted. Dinosaurs are in Middle Earth. Dinosaurs being, of course, 'terrible lizards' are just that. They are careless and chaotic, always trashing inns and making elves sick with their terrible jokes. These lizards then go on to make a truly terrible stage show that sends all of Middle Earth into a rage.

I wish the Balrog had decided to have a lie in on the day that Gandalf and the others escaped from Moria.

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish the Balrog had decided to have a lie in on the day that Gandalf and the others escaped from Moria.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately this was because he had mutated avian flu. He got it from the Orcs and the Orcs spread it to Merry and Pippin and on and on and on until it became a global pandemic.

I wish that Turgon had listened to Tuor and evacuated Gondolin

[arcticstorm]

your wish is granted,
Turgon evacuates Gondolin. Gothmog and the other balrog survive until the war of wrath when Gothmog flees to Moria, having two balrogs infest the area. Turgon remains high king of the Noldor and leads the armies of the last alliance. He barely survives and keeps Vilya, Gil-galad is still slain though. Imladris is run by Turgon instead of elrond and though the council of Turgon is a great success, when the fellowship goes through Moria, Gothmog and his other pal, destroy the fellowship and Gothmog takes the ring becoming the new dark lord.

I wish Fingolfin would have defeated Melkor

[The Elf-warrior]

I wish Fingolfin would have defeated Melkor

Your wish is granted. But Sauron became the new Dark Lord and made a Ring of Power in Thangorodrim and Thingol asked Beren for Sauron's Ring instead of a Silmaril. Beren reluctantly agreed and was successful and after a great mental struggle gave the Ring to Thingol. One night Beleg, at Melian's pleading, took the Ring from Thingol and flew on an Eagle to Thangorodrim and refused to destroy the Ring. The Eagle then dropped Beleg into Thangorodrim as they previously agreed upon. Meanwhile Thingol killed Melian in a rage and was killed by one of her servants himself. Also Gothmog became the new Dark Lord and ordered a successful assault upon Doriath. This became the Battle of Unnumbered tears.

I wish that Nienor hadn't commited suicide.

[Valesse]

I wish that Nienor hadn't commited suicide.

Consider it done, Elf-warrior, infact, consider it applied across the board!
Not only does Nienor give in to personal *cough* demons, no one does, and Middle Earth is chalk full of angsty, depressed, and emotional characters, running a muck and wearing large amounts of runny eyeliner. Also, (again) Zoloft is introduced... and then abandoned. We're all far too depressed to take something advertised by a skipping rock-face...head... thing. The Rohirrim appear to turn to bad, Gothic poetry for comfort. Whereas Gondorians everywhere start wearing black...well...more black and become hermits. The peoples of Middle Earth decide that its all just too much for them to bear and gladdly hand over the Ring to Sauron, Frodo and all, so that he might put an end to it all. sniff.

I wish that instead of a "Great Eye", Sauron would have been a giant pair of sparkley disco-britches which shake violently when angered. Grr!

[The 1,000 Reader]

[/QUOTE]I wish that instead of a "Great Eye", Sauron would have been a giant pair of sparkley disco-britches which shake violently when angered. Grr![/QUOTE]


Granted. However, Eru thinks of the children and erases Sauron from existence.


I wish Saruman and Sauron didn't have racially different hands.

[Hookbill the Goomba]

I wish Saruman and Sauron didn't have racially different hands.

Your wish is granted. They now have the same hands. However, the both share the same pair of hands. They argue over whose turn it is to use them and their war on each other destroys the South of Middle Earth.

I wish Denethor had gone into acting.