Survivor: Surviving the Minor Works

[Anguirel]

++GRAM, Farmer Giles's DOG

There. Everything going swimmingly...

[Estelyn Telcontar]

My goodness, why is everyone so doggone determined to get the dogs gone?! I guess it's time for me to step back into the action here and vote for some very mean flora to combat the fauna faction. (Though I must admit, Tuor's clever wordplay almost had me voting with him just because it's so cute.)

++Old Man Willow

Come on, if we get rid of him now, he'll be out of harm's way before more people come into these here woods!

[Bêthberry]

Definition of a dog: not a cat


I think it would be possible to argue that Master Cook was a dog. ;)

++ Master Cook Rider

[littlemanpoet]

++ Moon Dog

I find myself most moved by the most mannerfully mindful mishmash in Tuor's mullings.

[Anguirel]

For maximum dog-eviction

--GRAM, ++ROVERANDOM

[Tuor of Gondolin]

littlemanpoet ++ Moon Dog

I find myself most moved by the most mannerfully mindful mishmash in Tuor's mullings.

Miles Gloriosus : Oh, her bridal bower becomes a burial bier of bitter bereavement!
Pseudolus : Very good! Can you say "Titus the tailor told ten tall tales to Titania the titmouse"?

(And watch for a cameo by the third Doctor Who- JP) (with perhaps
the best line of the movie/play). :D

[The Saucepan Man]

Although I am a dog person myself, I cannot resist the lure of voting for a title character ...

+ + ROVERANDUM

Rover and dumb? A dumb and insolvent car manufacturing company or a dumb dog? Either way, he should go.

[Diamond18]

Two O's in Roverandom. Hoowl!

And in light of the recent "this character is like me" voting schemes, I should note that good ol' little Rover was my result for the personality quiz. :rolleyes:

[The Saucepan Man]

Two O's in Roverandom. Hoowl!Bah! All this Latin is confusing me.

But, as you raised the point ...

- - ROVERANDUM

+ + ROVERANDOM

Random Rover? A Random Dog? etc etc

I should note that good ol' little Rover was my result for the personality quiz.You mean we humble mortals have a measure of power to rebel against our almighty moddess? Well, all the more reason to vote for the little tyke then. :p ;)

[Celuien]

Cat people, unite!

++ ROVERANDOM

And if you don't like that reason, I'll adopt a dislike of random roving argument.

[Alcarillo]

++Moon-dog

He's an alien bent on invasion! All the evidence points to it!

1. He lives on the moon.

2. He says: "I was the first dog that was ever called Rover, thousands of years ago." Aliens are notoriously long-lived.

3. The spells the Man-in-the-Moon uses are not spells, but alien weapons described from the point-of-view of an earth dog.

Quick! Vote for the Moon-dog before he starts abducting poor little humans for his and his master's vile experiments! Save the planet earth from the alien menace!

[The 1,000 Reader]

++Moon-dog

He's an alien bent on invasion! All the evidence points to it!

1. He lives on the moon.

2. He says: "I was the first dog that was ever called Rover, thousands of years ago." Aliens are notoriously long-lived.

3. The spells the Man-in-the-Moon uses are not spells, but alien weapons described from the point-of-view of an earth dog.

Quick! Vote for the Moon-dog before he starts abducting poor little humans for his and his master's vile experiments! Save the planet earth from the alien menace!

We have the MIB to stop him. :cool:

++Roverandom.

Since I don't know who he is, my reasons have already been said by others.

[Diamond18]

Every dog has its day, and it was "Get Rid of Those Doggone Dogs" day on the island. Still, at the end only one dog fell:

Roverandom: 5 votes

Moon-dog: 3 votes

Old Man Willow: 1 vote

Master Cook Rider: 1 vote

And so, Roverandom went home to live with the Little Boy and his family. What, you thought I was going to do something nasty to him? Dream on! :p


Day the Twenty-Fourth finds 21 remaining contestants:


The Major Minor Works

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
Chrysophylax Dives
The Parson
Master Cook Rider
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Nell
Queen of Faerie
Niggle

The More Minor Minor Works

Goldberry
Badger
Old Man Willow
Goodman Maggott
Fíriel
The Wizard Artaxerxes
Moon-dog
Mr. Day
Archie
Teddy
Bruno

[Tuor of Gondolin]

+ + Archie

Unfortunately, Tolkien never made it clear
whether he was named for Archie Bunker
or the comic strip Archie :confused:
In any case, to paraphrase Brian's grafitti on a wall
in Jerusalem:

"Archiees eunt domus"? People called Archie, they go, the house?
Brian: It says, Archie go home.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079470/quotes

Btw, that centurion would have made one great
motivational teacher! :eek:

[littlemanpoet]

Agreed. An Archie just doesn't belong in the Minor Works of Tolkien. What was he thinking?

++ Archie

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I remain by my reasoning that flesh-eating flora should be destroyed posthaste and therefore again vote for

++Old Man Willow

[Anguirel]

Forward The Cause

++MOON-DOG

[Formendacil]

One down... two to go!

No, I don't hate dogs... I'm just not a dog person. I'm rather more sympathetic to Beruthiel than Celegorm- at least Beruthiel had good taste in pets, however crazy she may have been otherwise.

Besides, it's fun having an issue.

For purposes of realistic eviction, therefore:

++ Moon-dog

I must grant, though, that the Anti-Archie Campaign has points of merit, and has my hearty endorsement.

[The Only Real Estel]

++ Old Man Willow

For swallowing fellow competitors & holding them in rivers. Really, you can't be much worse of a teammate then that! :eek:

As for evicting all the dogs, what's up with this!? These dogs have helped smell out what little there is to eat during this competition - what do you expect us to do when they're gone?

[Diamond18]

These dogs have helped smell out what little there is to eat during this competition - what do you expect us to do when they're gone?

Well, the obvious answer is to eat the dogs.

[Celuien]

Well, the obvious answer is to eat the dogs.
Hot Dogs! :smokin:

But I want to leave the dogs alone today. And Tuor has made a convincing argument...

++ ARCHIE

We don't need any Archie Bunker imitators here. :mad:

[Alcarillo]

Hot Dogs! :smokin:
++Moon-dog

Just in case the tribes start starving. ;)

[Bêthberry]

It is indeed difficult these days to avoid any stigma of anti-animal bias. If we forego cats and dogs, we still have dragons and bears to deal with.

In short, I suggest we for the time placate these domesticated carnivore lovers and consider how felonious was the act in which Archie engaged. Imagine! A bear--not, not one, not two, but three bears--hijacking an automobile! Admittedly the driver was a short a cylinder or two, but who can trust a bear who takes over the road? Especially now that the end of hibernation season is upon us.

In short, I suggest we urgently run off the road:

++ Archie

And I know just the ladies we can call on to carry out our carnage:

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y64/MimsyBorogroves/twofatladies.jpg

PS. Old Man Willow is so misunderstood!

[The Only Real Estel]

Well, the obvious answer is to eat the dogs.

Yep, all less than five of them. :p


p.s. No time to get an exact count. :D

[Diamond18]

A bear, not a dog, fell on day twenty-four:

Archie: 4 votes

Moon-dog: 3 votes

Old Man Willow: 2 votes

And so, Archie was shot and mounted above the fireplace.


Day the Twenty-Fifth finds 20 remaining contestants -- and among them are exactly 2 dogs:


The Major Minor Works

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
Chrysophylax Dives
The Parson
Master Cook Rider
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Nell
Queen of Faerie
Niggle

The More Minor Minor Works

Goldberry
Badger
Old Man Willow
Goodman Maggott
Fíriel
The Wizard Artaxerxes
Moon-dog
Mr. Day
Teddy
Bruno

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Well, Steven Colbert should certainly be happy with
the results of the latest eviction. :D

And with no bear to climb up it (although the dogs might
find it useful) perhaps it is time to remove the evil tree.

+ + Old Man Willow

[Diamond18]

*cough cough* Don't go forgetting about this amongst all the Wereduck excitement, now. ;)

[Anguirel]

On the off-chance that they do...

++murmursmithofwoottonmajormurmur

A nice inconspicuous vote...

[Celuien]

Did you really think I wouldn't notice that, Ang? :D :p

++ Old Man Willow

Never liked him - a bully who doesn't pick on trees his own size. Picking on hobbits. Inexcusable.

[The Saucepan Man]

Psst ...

+ + Smith of Wootton Major

I was not here.
You did not see me.

[The Only Real Estel]

++ Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)

See my previous statements about his ridiculously long name.

[Bêthberry]

What! After taunting the hackles of the anti-cruelty-to-animals groups, you folks now want to raise the ire of the Men in Green by offing the tree? No sirreee, I won't join in this monstrous attack on activist politics. No, not at all, prithee nay. Ni. Ni. Ni.

Instead, I take my inspiration from Tuor's comment about Stephen Colbert: Let the word of the day be happy appetite and let us have our cat and eat it too. And to ensure it is good cake:

++ Master Cook Rider

[Alcarillo]

++ Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)

1. His name is way too long.

2. He used a blunderbuss in a pre-gunpowder age. I assign him to Mordor for such an anakronism!

[The Saucepan Man]

Oh, how wonderful. The possibility of two title characters in one day. And an Old Man Willow too.

And another vote for the Master Cook, and we can be rid of four contestants at once.

Now don't no one go spoiling my fun ... :rolleyes: ;)

[Celuien]

-- Old Man Willow

++ Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham) , wieder of unseemly anakronisms.

[The Saucepan Man]

Bah! But surely this is grounds for divorce, Celuien. ;)

[Celuien]

Now don't no one go spoiling my fun ...
Oh. Too late. Sorry, dear. ;)

I pledge to return to the Willow if I can cause a mulitple eviction without endangering Smith, and if I'm still awake. It's getting late here.

EDIT: crossed with SPM. Divorce??? Shocking. :eek: :D

[The Saucepan Man]

You realise that, according to the personality test, I am none other than Farmer Giles.

And so, on lmp's reasoning, you are striking a mortal blow against your husband ... :eek:

[Celuien]

You realise that, according to the personality test, I am none other than Farmer Giles.

And so, on lmp's reasoning, you are striking a mortal blow against your husband ... :eek:

But aren't you the one who wanted the multiple eviction, including Giles, in the first place? ;)

One more vote for Willow will lead to a re-retraction.

Oh and, right. I'm Smith in the personality test. So you're trying to do the same to your wife. :eek: Makes us even.

[The Saucepan Man]

But aren't you the one who wanted the multiple eviction, including Giles, in the first place?Well, yes. I am always glad to see the title characters go. But I would rather Smith than Giles.

Makes us even.When it comes to Smith, this game has at no stage been even. :rolleyes:

Tsk! I can see whose going to be wearing the trousers in this marriage. ;)

[Celuien]

When it comes to Smith, this game has at no stage been even.
Well, I can't help it if so many of us consider ourselves Faerie entranced dreamers. The head-in-the-clouds contingent is pretty strong around here, and I'm a proud representative. :D

Tsk! I can see whose going to be wearing the trousers in this marriage.
I was, after all, the one unconventional enough to propose in the first place. ;)

[The Saucepan Man]

The head-in-the-clouds contingent is pretty strong around here, and I'm a proud representative.Ah, I suppose the Minor Works is no place for a hard-bitten realist of a loyer, then. :rolleyes:

But I have a soft spot for old Giles. I'll cut you a deal. Let's get rid of the shrubbery and keep the old fellow.

- - Smith of Wootton Major

+ + Old Man Willow

[Celuien]

Deal.

-- GILES
++ OLD MAN WILLOW

Sorry about voting for you before. :D

[littlemanpoet]

Surely you jest Anguirel. Such efforts have been tried before and they will surely be as fruitless as they have been in the past. 'Tis like a little child with his uncle's hand on child's head at arm's length, and the child relentlessly and pointlessly tries to get the candy just out of reach; and all the kid has to do is cooperate. Hmmmmm?

++ Old Man Willow

edit: sorry, created this post early this evening and only got online lately. How things change..... :eek:

[Bêthberry]

Sure guys, go ahead, throw out the last remaining sentient tree--ent--in Middle earth just because he didn't like how the hobbits in the past had encroached upon his kind.

Is that a tree poking you in the face or are you just happy to see Esty back? :D

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Since I started this bandwagon the day before, I am entitled to jump on it!

++Old Man Willow

[Lhunardawen]

Because Celuien and SpM are such a sweeeet couple:

++OLD MAN WILLOW

Besides, old men aren't supposed to last long in Survivor.

[Diamond18]

"Cut them all down!"


Old Man Willow: 6 votes

Farmer Giles of Ham: 2 votes

Smith of Wootton Major: 1 vote

Master Cook Rider: 1 vote

And so, the willow was chopped down and fed the flames of a roaring bonfire.


Day the Twenty-Sixth finds 19 remaining contestants:


The Major Minor Works

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
Chrysophylax Dives
The Parson
Master Cook Rider
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Nell
Queen of Faerie
Niggle

The More Minor Minor Works

Goldberry
Badger
Goodman Maggott
Fíriel
The Wizard Artaxerxes
Moon-dog
Mr. Day
Teddy
Bruno

[Tuor in Gondolin]

+ + Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)

As has been observed, his name is way too long.
Descendants would probably spend two or three years
repeating First Grade just to spell their names, not
to mention less time to take tests after signing
their names.

[Anguirel]

++NIGGLE

Two title characters on offer, but not an even contest. Gutsy Dragon-battling roguish king versus after-death-harrassed wimp? Come on!

Besides, any who vote for the so-called "long name" justification are clearing showing themselves incapable of understanding the beauty of the Classics, which means they are in league with the Anti-Educational Forces of the World and become Enemies of Anguirel Unto Death. Sa-ha!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I would like to keep the major minor characters around for a bit - can't we get rid of some of the really minor ones first? For bearish robbery, I nominate

++Bruno

Mr. Bliss is really not Tolkien's masterpiece, and none of the characters are so important that I'd be willing to campaign for them. To quote another Oxford professor: Off with his head!

[littlemanpoet]

++ Wizard Artaxerxes

He just seems like a pain. But I'm not really that committed.....

I'm willing to make a trade with someone today: anyone who is interested in getting my vote added to their bandwagon in exchange for a later to be named?

[Bêthberry]

Oh, it is beginning to become such a conundrum, isn't it? Stay with the minor minor or hedge a bit into the major minors. And what about the minor majors, to say nothing of the major majors, about whose mojo some of us go no no?

What's a girl to do?

Well, there's no one who could provide such invaluable support and advice in these circumdecisions than the inestimable Ms Dame Edna, whose uncanny talents allow her to balance international stardom with inspirational otherhood while all the while being ferociously busy as a volunteer raiser for Friends of the Prostrate. In short, I revise the question:

What would Dame Edna do?

After flouncing around with some hand knitted tea cosies in a chenille dressing gown while recalling some pre-loved prosthetic devices, and then throwing a few gladiolas to the Downers, I am willing to bet she would go with

+ + Goodman Maggott

G is after all Dame Edna's favourite letter and I'm sure he would hit the spot.

Whether I or the rest of you concur is of course open to an enormous field of debate.

Eru bless Dame Edna. May her toast racks never be tarnished nickle. And may Goodman Maggott live up to his name.

That's all I have to say for this evening. Good night.

[Celuien]

And may Goodman Maggott live up to his name.
Now that's something I'd like to see! :eek: :cool:

++ GOODMAN MAGGOTT

[Alcarillo]

Besides, any who vote for the so-called "long name" justification are clearing showing themselves incapable of understanding the beauty of the Classics, which means they are in league with the Anti-Educational Forces of the World and become Enemies of Anguirel Unto Death. Sa-ha!
Nonsense! We are in fact defending the purity of the Classics. If Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo were an ancient Roman patrician, his name would be fitting, but he's not. Instead, he's a simple farmer in medieval England, far removed from the great empires of the classical world.

++Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)

Such a kingly name is not fit for a peasant!

Plus he used a blunderbuss! An anakronism!

[littlemanpoet]

I am most impressed with the eccentric and convoluted reasonings of Bethberry.

-- Wizard Artaxerxes

++ Goodman Maggott

I want to see how he lives up to his name. ;) (hint hint, Diamond)

[Diamond18]

Goodman Maggott: 3 votes

Farmer Giles: 2 votes

Niggle: 1 vote

Bruno: 1 vote


And so, by popular demand, the Goodman was fed to a swarm of writhing, wriggling maggots, which devoured his flesh starting with the eyeballs.


Day the Twenty-Seventh finds 18 contestants remaining:


The Major Minor Works

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
Chrysophylax Dives
The Parson
Master Cook Rider
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Nell
Queen of Faerie
Niggle

The More Minor Minor Works

Goldberry
Badger
Fíriel
The Wizard Artaxerxes
Moon-dog
Mr. Day
Teddy
Bruno

[The Saucepan Man]

I am willing to do a deal with those who would like to see the back of Farmer Giles of Ham. Vote for Smith today and, if he goes, I will support you in your endeavours to vote off Old Giles tomorrow.

Have we a deal?

+ + Smith of Wootton Major

[Celuien]

++ BADGER

Any creature that inspired a video like this (http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/) must be up to no good.

Besides, if the Badgers had kept Tom, we would have been spared his singing. :p :cool:

An alternative to SPM's deal:
My vote is hereby offered to anyone's cause for eviction so long as I have a pledge not to vote for Smith in return. Except for those who want to evict Giles, of course. I can't symbolically vote for mortal blows against my husband again, even if he persists in attacking my alter-ego. :D

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I'll join you in voting for the badger - who needs 'im?! After all, The Adventures of TB isn't The Wind in the Willows...

++Badger

[The Saucepan Man]

My vote is hereby offered to anyone's cause for eviction so long as I have a pledge not to vote for Smith in return.What, not to vote for him ever?

Assuming not, perhaps we could do a deal over Niggle - if there are any other potential Niggle voters ...

[littlemanpoet]

++ Farmer Giles of Ham

I will counter your proposal, SPM, with one of my own. If you'll guard Smith's back, I'll guard Giles'. What say you? Speak soon or there may be a bandwagon forming against your prodigious namesake instead of my wistful one.
:cool:

[Anguirel]

++SMITH OF WOOTTON MAJOR

Elendil! I am with you, Saucie!

[littlemanpoet]

Tut tut, Ang. That will never do. You "force" my hand before SPM has ever had a chance to deal. Shame on you.

-- Farmer Giles of Ham

++ Badger

[Celuien]

What, not to vote for him ever?
Of course not. Just on those days when my assistance is requested. It would be unreasonable of me to demand that in exchange for my providing a vote once. I'm really quite a reasonable sort of person.

Niggle? Certainly. I'm willing to work for his eviction. Tell me when.


EDIT: What I should have said is I'll give one vote of mine for one day's vote of the bargainer. So if I help on one day, the bargainer should be prepared for me to ask for a vote on one subsequent day. Or, if the person requesting my assistance originally voted for Smith and changed to a different cause that I was then asked to aid, that same day's vote counts as the one that fulfills the bargainer's side of the deal. Thus, if SPM switches to Niggle today and I follow suit, I can't ask him to vote for someone other than Smith on a subesquent day because he's already made one switch from Smith. On the other hand, if someone else makes a new vote for someone other than Smith and asks for my vote, I can and will ask for that person's vote on another day. Sorry for any non-clarity. I have a nasty cold on top of my usual allergies and am taking massive doses of antihistamines, so I'm groggy, not feeling well, and not always saying things correctly. :rolleyes:

[Formendacil]

What's this?

A de-Niggling in the offing?

But enough of words! Actions speak louder than words.

++ Niggle

Also known as "Formendacil's alter ego". :p

[Bêthberry]

I must say to everyone that I salvaged some willow branches from the huge bonfire for Old Man Willow but unfortunately at the time discovered that the local green grocers was out of marshmellows--Margaret apparently has totally forsaken her roots and no longer can one find at the local green grocers what one wants. So much for the trickle down theory! Perhaps we shall have further bonfires later in the game and who knows what or who we shall roast but at least I have the sticks for all of us.

As things stand today, I must put my vote forth in a stern statement against all those geeks who have gone bad and produced or passed on that badger video. Why, if there were a llama in this survivor game, I'd vote them both off!

+ + Badger

[Diamond18]

Badger badger badger badger badger badger SNAKE!

[The Saucepan Man]

Niggle? Certainly. I'm willing to work for his eviction. Tell me when.Now!

- - SMITH OF WOOTTON MAJOR

+ + NIGGLE

Because he niggles me.

Sorry, lmp, I prefer the thought of evicting Smith to saving Giles. But I am willing to treat if you are prepared to consider some of the more heavyweight contenders. How about a vote for Niggle in return for an agreement to lay off Smith for another day?

[Celuien]

Done and done.

-- BADGER
++ NIGGLE

I should do a quick vote tally and see if there's now a double eviction in the works.

EDIT: I think we have one!
Badger, 3: (Esty, lmp, Bethberry)
Niggle, 3: (Formendacil, SPM, me)
Smith, 1: (Ang)

[littlemanpoet]

How about a vote for Niggle in return for an agreement to lay off Smith for another day?
That works for me.

-- BADGER
++ NIGGLE

[Alcarillo]

++Badger

To cause a double-eviction on the island, mwahahaha.

[Diamond18]

Not quite, Alc

Niggle: 4 votes

Badger: 3 votes

Smith of Wootton Major: 1 vote

And so, Niggle was turned over to some men in suits, who made him take a long journey full of metaphorical mishmash that Diamond never had much patience for anyway....


Day the Twenty-Seventh finds 17 contestants remaining:


The Major Minor Works

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
Chrysophylax Dives
The Parson
Master Cook Rider
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Nell
Queen of Faerie

The More Minor Minor Works

Goldberry
Badger
Fíriel
The Wizard Artaxerxes
Moon-dog
Mr. Day
Teddy
Bruno

[The Saucepan Man]

We have a problem here. Viewers are turning off in their droves because the show is becoming too whimsical. Not at all how a reality show should be. And the contestants are failing all their tasks and likely to starve to death due to a excess of dreamers over practical types (balance in all things ...).

The reason? The influence of Smith of Wootton Major (the book) is too strong.

The solution? Eliminate a character from that book. Preferably a whimsical one.

Now, I agreed with lmp not to vote for Smith himself today.

So ...

+ + Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie

[Celuien]

I guess the time has come. Sorry, TORE. :D

++ ALF

Reasoning from before applies.

[Anguirel]

Why get rid of scary Elf kings when you can scrap whining young women?

++NELL

[Tuor in Gondolin]

+ + NELL

Not only whining but in a future
life Dudley Doright's girlfriend. :eek:

[Bêthberry]

How many of us know who Dudley Doright is? ;)

But it seems the bell knells for the belle Nell.

++ NELL

By the by, if anyone is starving, it is due to that cook. He should be the next to go.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Why not scrap

++Master Cook Rider

if it must be a character from Smith? He's a rather marginal person in that story. There are few enough females around anymore, so keep Nell, is my opinion. Or have you gents forgotten that it takes two genders to survive as a race??!

[Anguirel]

Ha ha! Patronising support of women! I cry sexual discrimination!

Women of the Downs, prove your empowerment by voting for someone with no merits at all despite her being one of the Universal Sisterhood! Don't protect her purely by dint of her chromosomes!

Feminists, to arms! Down with the sappy demure child-bearer!

(Aside: men, get her. One woman down, three to go...)

[littlemanpoet]

Alf was not whimsical! :mad:

Fool of a SaucePanakeia!

He was the mover and shaker in the whole story! To miss that is to roll in pig slop and love it! Here. Have some pearls. :p

The most whimsical and useless character in the Smith story was, I agree with Estelyn,

++Master Cook Rider

Join forces to relieve Wootton of deadwood! Ride the man down!

[Alcarillo]

Not quite, Alc
What? Ack! Foiled again, but not this time...

++Master Cook Rider

For general minorness as a major-minor character.

[Celuien]

Fool of a SaucePanakeia!
So you've noticed that she's been slipping out of Mordor lately? ;)

But...but...Alf is Alf! The fuzzy brown alien thing with a talk show on TV Land. I can't stand that show, even before Alf got a talk show. Never could. What a disgraceful way for Alf the Prentice to behave a few centuries later. :p

Sorry, but I'll have to stand behind this vote.

Oh. And I declare Alf the candidate for all Whovians on this side of the pond. How can we allow the annoying Alf have a show when the Doctor is gone?

[Diamond18]

Or have you gents forgotten that it takes two genders to survive as a race??!

I do think you're right, Esty. I can think of many reasons to vote off Nell but the fact that she was a mother is not one of them. ;)

By the by, Ang, I quite don't follow your logic. Any true (or intelligent) feminist wouldn't savagely turn on one of her own sex based on the fact that she's put her reproductive system to use. And the prospect of allowing a dude to call us to arms to castigate one of our own for her not-maleness... ha ha! Foolish indeed for females to call pretending they're not females "empowerment." If only we could make it so men had to do the child-bearing, but alas, I'll wager you lads couldn't handle it....

But no one listen to me, I'm just the mod overseeing you tumultuous lot. ;)

[Bêthberry]

Ah, dearie me, Possums! I see that Esty et al have not waited for tomorrow to turf out this cookish monster, as I suggested, but acted upon the suggestion this very day. Well, who am I to ignore my own bandwagon. ;) I shall update my vote.

-- Nell

++ Master Cook Rider

[Diamond18]

There was a calculated attack on the SoWM characters day twenty-seven, but only one bit the bullet:

Master Cook Rider: 4 votes

Nell: 2 votes

Alf, King of Faerie: 2 votes


And so Rider bit the bullet. Literally. Someone baked a bullet into his cake and when he bit down, his head exploded, leaving bits of brain and bread all over the place.


Day the Twenty-Eighth finds 16 contestants remaining:


The Major Minor Works

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
Chrysophylax Dives
The Parson
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Nell
Queen of Faerie

The More Minor Minor Works

Goldberry
Badger
Fíriel
The Wizard Artaxerxes
Moon-dog
Mr. Day
Teddy
Bruno

[Formendacil]

Well, I've seen this guy's name up for eviction several times, but I have yet to see him actually voted off.

A favoured candidate, perhaps?

Well, we all know I won't stand for that. (Except in the case of Smith, but SPM's devotion to getting RID of him is a comparable situation.)

There is only one thing to do:

++ The Wizard Artaxerxes

For borrowing a Biblical name... May as well have called him "Paul" or "Joseph" or "Pilate"... Very lazy, Tolkien, very lazy indeed.

[Anguirel]

++ The Wizard Artaxerxes

For borrowing a Biblical name...

Smirk, smirk. Your Bible isn't the origin of everything it pinches. Our Great Kings were called Artaxerxes before the Scriptures were even conceived!

For the glory of Persia! Let's take down that silly Biblical plagiarist

++THE PARSON

in the name of the Prophet Zoroaster!

Let the priestling burn!

[Formendacil]

Smirk, smirk. Your Bible isn't the origin of everything it pinches. Our Great Kings were called Artaxerxes before the Scriptures were even conceived!

For the glory of Persia! Let's take down that silly Biblical plagiarist

++THE PARSON

in the name of the Prophet Zoroaster!

Let the priestling burn!

The insinuation that I didn't know that is almost too much to bear... I think I shall go drown myself in a bowl of green jello.

Of course Artaxerxes is a name of Persian origin, used by various kings of that land- that's how it ended up in the Bible, after all. Just like Ar-Pharazôn was the name of a Númenorean king, and so ended up in the Akallabêth...

You should be on my side! Who is this profane wizard to be using a noble name of Ancient Persia?

(Not that I have any particular liking for the Parson.. I'd be more than happy to vote off the Parsley.. er, Parson- but tomorrow.)

[The Saucepan Man]

Alf was not whimsical!

...

He was the mover and shaker in the whole story!Eh? The story is whimsical. So, as the "mover and shaker", he must take responsibility.

Besides, he deserves to be evicted for being a "mover and shaker" in such a dreadfully dull story. :p

+ + Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie

[Celuien]

...such a dreadfully dull story.
Let's not push our point of agreement too far with attacks on a very lovely story, okay? Alf is welcome to go, but still. :eek:

++ALF

Again.

[Tuor of Gondolin]

+ + The Wizard Artaxerxes

Sure, this guy can intimidate toy dogs but what
about dealing with living creatures?
I've read about Radagast the Brown,
noted Radagast the Brown's abilities, and I
can tell you, Artaxerxes is no Radagast the Brown!

[Anguirel]

I wasn't aware being Radagast the Brown was an essential qualification for continuing in the show...we might as well evict, say, Smith of Wootton Major on the same basis...

Wizards are persecuted and few. Christians are many and muscular. Show religious enlightenment and help me evict the Parson today!

[Estelyn Telcontar]

For someone who has "Art" in his name, that wizard has no sense of aesthetic taste. Imagine choosing to patch his trousers with a piece of window-curtain, orange with black spots?! He's given patchwork a bad name, he has. For that atrocity alone I vote to remove

++Artaxerxes


As to the idea of expelling the Faerie King Alf just because some stupid alien later chose the same name - that's not his fault! He was there first...

[The Saucepan Man]

Let's not push our point of agreement too far with attacks on a very lovely story, okay?Sorry, Cel, but that's a matter of opinion. Farmer Giles of Ham has Knights, Dragons and Giants and a well-defined plot with an intriguing twist. What does Smith of Wootton Major offer? A Faerie King posing as a Pastry Chef and dreadfully dull dreamer who wanders inconsequentially around Faerie for a bit, neglecting his family. Nothing actually happens! :rolleyes:

I cannot speak for the other tales.

I can understand why you and lmp were identified with Smith in that personality test. But, really, you both have more character in your little fingers than Smith developed over an entire tale.

And, as I said, I hold Alf, named as the "mover and shaker" in such a sorry tale, as responsible.

[Celuien]

I can understand why you and lmp were identified with Smith in that personality test. But, really, you both have more character in your little fingers than Smith developed over an entire tale.
Is it really that obvious? I can think of a few posts from the Books forum that would me away, but that's a little harder to pick up than my RL habits of daydreaming and wandering in the woods down the road from my house (which obviously isn't something known to most inhabitants of this forum. ;)) And I had no way of manipulating the results since I didn't read the story before taking the test!

The idea of going to Faerie resonates with me. I would love to have the chance to wander there, if only it truly did exist, and catch glimpses of a world filled with magic and beauty beyond what ordinary life has to offer. It's here in some way, I think, in the blue sky of a spring morning, the quiet of the woods, reflections of the autumn leaves in a lake. But not the same as visiting Faerie. That's the charm of Smith of Wootton Major, along with the bittersweet realization that the gift to visit can't be kept forever, and must ultimately be passed to the next person intended to have the rare privilege to go where few mortals can.

I still like Smith.

[Bêthberry]

He's remarkably close to the t'axe man and I dislike anyone who has an obligatory right to separate me from my money, especially this time of year--that I prefer to do myself.

+ + The Wizard Artaxerxes

[The Saucepan Man]

The idea of going to Faerie resonates with me. I would love to have the chance to wander there, if only it truly did exist, and catch glimpses of a world filled with magic and beauty beyond what ordinary life has to offer.No doubt it would be delightful and charming, albeit somewhat perilous, if experienced in person. But, if I am to read about it, I would rather something, anything, interesting actually happened there.

And surely it cannot be denied that Smith's character development is virtually nil.

Perhaps that is the point. But it just doesn't appeal to me. I would rather tales of dragons to be fought, rings to be destroyed and treasure to be won than an account of some dull chap's uneventful travels in Faerie.

[Alcarillo]

++The Wizard Artaxerxes

May the Persian be stuffed, skinned, and put on display!

[Celuien]

I suppose my sympathies with the character Smith and a wish for enchantment allow me to overlook perceived flaws in the tale.

Regarding the irritating furball known as Alf: it isn't necessarily my theory that the identical names are mere coincidence. Rather, I suspect that Alf the Prentice underwent a metamorphosis into the alien creature at some point, perhaps after reading too much Kafka. ;)

[Diamond18]

Ataxerxes: 5 votes

Alf: 2 votes

The Parson: 1 vote

And so, to please the masses, Ataxerxes was stuffed, skinned, and put on display. Not necessarily in that order.


Day the Twenty-Ninth finds 15 contestants remaining:


The Major Minor Works

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
Chrysophylax Dives
The Parson
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Nell
Queen of Faerie

The More Minor Minor Works

Goldberry
Badger
Fíriel
Moon-dog
Mr. Day
Teddy
Bruno

[Formendacil]

++ The Parson

So that it's MY bandwaggon, not Anguirel's today. :p

[Anguirel]

++NELL

Empty-headed subjugated breeder. Might as well be a blimmin rabbit.

[Celuien]

++ MOON-DOG

Alien dogs and alien Kings of Faerie. This show has far too many bizarre extraterrestrials. :p As my efforts to evict Alf seem doomed for the present, I'm switching to his alien colleague until conditions improve for my true target's removal.

(PS Cats (http://www.freewebs.com/celuien/Home%5FPictures%5FApril%5F2006%5F005.jpg) are far more adorable. ;))

[Tuor of Gondolin]

Decisions. Decisions.

Well, + + The Parson
for the rather illogical reason that I keep
picturing him as the churchmen in the
musical Oliver (at the beginning of
the Artful Dodger's"Consider Yourself at Home"
song, who hop up and down leaving the church).

(And isn't it sad Jack Wild passed away recently
at age 53). http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0928349/

[Estelyn Telcontar]

That adorable kitty picture decides it for me - I'm going to jump on your bandwagon, Celuien, for though I have a dog who faithfully gets me out and walking every day, Moon-dogs are something completely different.

++Moon-dog

[littlemanpoet]

Sorry to have missed the vote yesterday, but mine would have made 6 against that insufferable wizard who really needed to go. Glad to see him gone.

++ MOON DOG

Don't think there are any fire hydrants on the moon, so this will put him out of his misery. :rolleyes:

[Celuien]

That adorable kitty picture decides it for me - I'm going to jump on your bandwagon, Celuien, for though I have a dog who faithfully gets me out and walking every day, Moon-dogs are something completely different.
Why, thank you! :)

Though I prefer cats, I like dogs - other than the one that tore my sled to bits while I was riding it and threatened to do the same to me. And indeed, this Moon-dog is no true canine. A good dog wouldn't flightily flee to the Moon, but would loyally remain on solid ground.

[The Only Real Estel]

I'll have to side with Celuien (no thanks to her hate-motivated campaign against poor Alf) and vote:

++ Moon Dog

The first reason being: I was going to vote that way anyway, so I'm not really siding with Cel anyways. ;)

The second reason being: Well, we already evicted most of the other dogs on not much reasoning, might as well finish another off.

The third being there was only enough room for one "Moon" character in this challenge - The Man In-the-Moon - who's long since gone.

And lastly, "Moon" has such a negative connotation these days... :p

[Alcarillo]

++Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)

For the excessively grand name and his anakronistic blunderbuss. And also for issuing a law against unpleasant prophecy once he became king. Unpleasant prophecies are very useful. If you hear a prophecy telling that, say, your city is about to be besieged for ten years, then you'll have time to gather enough food before your enemies arrive. Or if a disastrous earthquake is predicted, you'll know that you should evacuate. Forbidding these prophecies is a dangerous thing!

So down with the blunderbuss-toting, Latin-named, forbidder of useful warnings!

[Bêthberry]

Hmm. We have two choices with collars, a dog and a parson. Perhaps I can add reasons a bit more flamboyant for defrocking the Parson. How does this sound: For the unconscionable faux pas of spilling beer and, even more, for being such a straight-faced parson in announcing the name of a sword that is almost as saturated with innuendo as Lord Halfulion's sword in REB.

++ The Parson

[The 1,000 Reader]

++Moon-dog.

In the movie Gidget, there was a character called Moon-doggy. I thought the movie stunk, so I'm getting back at it.

[Diamond18]

Moon-dog: 5 votes

The Parson: 3 votes

Farmer Giles: 1 vote

Nell: 1 vote

And so, Moon-dog was sent to the moon. Naturally.

(Thus, the last Roverandom character was expelled from the game.)


Day the Thirtieth finds 14 contestants remaining:


The Major Minor Works

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
Chrysophylax Dives
The Parson
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Nell
Queen of Faerie

The More Minor Minor Works

Goldberry
Badger
Fíriel
Mr. Day
Teddy
Bruno

[littlemanpoet]

++ Mr. Day

A forgettable character from a forgettable minor work. He should not be anywhere near a finalist.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

"Night and Day, he is the one..." I was thinking the same thing - who is Mr. Day?! I'd have to go back and search the story, but just the fact that he's totally forgettable and negligable makes a case for eliminating

++Mr. Day

[Tuor of Gondolin]

+ + Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)

Latin's a dead language,
as dead as it can be.
First it killed the Romans,
and now it's killing me.

[Anguirel]

Odi et arceo profanum vulgum

++NELL

[The Saucepan Man]

+ + SMITH OF WOOTTON MAJOR

Previous reasons apply mutatis mutandis.

[Celuien]

++ Mr. Day

Isn't his only claim to fame being hit by a reckless driver?

I wonder. Bet he was walking in the street when he belonged on the sidewalk, a behavior that has been assigned to Mordor. Thus, he shouldn't even be here, but should instead be having a meeting with the Grand Anakronist. Let's send him where he belongs. :D

EDIT: This image (http://www.jrrt-obrazky.wz.cz/Mr%20Bliss%20collides%20with%20Mr%20Day.jpg) shows the reason why Mr. Day should go.
RE-EDIT: That site appears to be experiencing technical difficulties. Temporarily reproduced on my website here (http://www.freewebs.com/celuien/Mr%20Bliss%20collides%20with%20Mr%20Day.jpg).

[The Only Real Estel]

++ Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)


If I have to copy and paste this ridiculous name one more time...

[Bêthberry]

What a choice! Either a bear who highjacked a car or a pedestrian who cruelly forced it to undergo a sudden detour. One recalls Tolkien's own description of his driving methods. Do all the minor works have biographical references I wonder?

+ + Mr. Day

[tom bombariffic]

Not a fan of bandwaggons as such but...If I'd have been doing this from the start, Mr. Day would have been the first to go. Mainly because it conjures images of David Day.

[edit: just to make it official...++ Mr. Day ]

bombariffic

[Formendacil]

++ Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)


Nomus ad nauseum...

[Alcarillo]

++Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)

Requiescat in pace mox.

[The Saucepan Man]

Grrr!

I will not countenance Giles leaving before Smith.

- - SMITH OF WOOTTON MAJOR

+ + MR DAY

Good day, Mister Day.

PS: My offer to those who would be rid of Giles still stands. If you join me in my quest to rid the island of the worthless dreamer Smith, I will, once Smith has gone, join you in your crusade against Giles.

[Diamond18]

Mr. Day: 6 votes

Farmer Giles: 4 votes

Nell: 1 vote


And so, Mr. Day was set on the road and run over by a car, repeatedly, till all his bones were broke.


Day the Thirty-First finds 13 contestants remaining:


The Major Minor Works

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
Chrysophylax Dives
The Parson
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Nell
Queen of Faerie

The More Minor Minor Works

Goldberry
Badger
Fíriel
Teddy
Bruno

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I did a quick nose count statistic of the remaining characters. There are:

4 males
4 females
5 animals (1 dog, 1 dragon, 1 badger, 2 teddy bears)

I say that's one teddy bear too many, and as a teddy bear named Teddy could be considered archetypal, I vote to send off

++Bruno

Again, how many of you have actually read the Mr. Bliss story? And even if you have, do you remember which bear did what? Do you really want a supremely negligable and unimportant character like that to survive to the very end of the game?! Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case.

[Anguirel]

Thankyou for the statistics Esty. Most interesting.

Fascinating that there are now as many women as men. How nice and equal and lovey dovey.

Has the feminist junta taken over your minds?

You've sent all the menfolk packing and not a single woman's been brought to book!

They're distracting you with petty Brunoesque bait while planning to take over the world and use the few men they spare for fertilisers in a twisted neo-Amazonian hegemony!

Stop the suffragettes before it's too late! Unite or die! Today is a test-do you have the willpower to get rid of an entirely unexeptional woman, or are you all in chains to feminine burblings?

(Naturally women may vote against this. But of course their votes don't count anyway...)

++NELL

[Formendacil]

or are you all in chains to feminine burblings?

This will sound highly amusing to those with knowledge of my current career plans, but I'd like to plead guilty to being chained by those feminine burblings. :smokin:

Can't vote for Bruno, though. That's too cool a name for a Teddy Bear. How about Teddy himself, then? That's short for Theodore Roosevelt, you know, and if it's acceptable here to go kicking off kings, let's make things equal and kick off a presidential stand-in.

++ Teddy

Splitting the teddy bear vote.

[Diamond18]

You've sent all the menfolk packing and not a single woman's been brought to book!

Ye Olde Scorekeeper™ would like to point out that:

Mrs. Knight, Princess Pam, and Princess Mee were expelled. Of course, the princesses were not women in the strictest sense of the word (an elf and a mermaid) but close enough to count. Oh, and I'm slightly disappointed that you forgot Mrs. Knight, since I boiled her in a vat of bleach and all.

And Form, I thought you were going to take up being a puzzled baby?

[Celuien]

Esty again speaks with great wisdom...

++ BRUNO

[The Saucepan Man]

*yawn*

[Estelyn Telcontar]

*yawn*
Boredom, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

[The Saucepan Man]

Boredom, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.I'm merely expressing the opinion of the viewing public. Have you seen the latest audience ratings? This show is bombing. People want conflicts between the big characters, not meaningless babble over a few obscure teddies.

And, Ang, if you're going to go for one of the womenkind, at least go for someone meaningful. Like ...

+ + Queen of Faerie

Away with her and her discraceful flirtations with daydreaming wanderers in her realm. Tsk tsk!

[Anguirel]

Nell is meaningful precisely because she is meaningless. I see you've never voted with me against her. I suspect you of sentimentality!

Help me get Nell out and I'll join you against the Queen of Faerie later.

[The Saucepan Man]

Help me get Nell out and I'll join you against the Queen of Faerie later.Quite frankly, Ang, I don't see much point. The pro-Smith brigade is far too strong for me to have any reasonable expectation of evicting any Smith character on my own terms.

So all I can really do is continue to rail against them and generally make a nuisance of myself. :smokin:

[Tuor in Gondolin]

Because of Esty 's arguments, and in honor
of Stephen Colbert:
(because Washington has done NOTHING to control the bear population)
[yes, including teddy bears]
+ + Teddy

[tom bombariffic]

++ Queen of Faerie.

Because I can. Despite the horrible waste this vote is.

bombariffic

[The Only Real Estel]

Actually, Sauce, I think the game is doing rather well, especially for being minor works that people are certainly less familiar with than the characters in previous Survivors.

That said it would be too clichéd to have a Smith vs. Farmer Giles (I’m not writing out his ‘full’ name) final so I’ll vote for Smith if you’ll vote off long-name. The only catch would be that I want Giles gone first...

And if you really want to take on bigger characters then this would be a good way to do it.

[The Saucepan Man]

The only catch would be that I want Giles gone first...Sorry. No can do, as there is no guarantee that Smith will follow. An additional vote for Smith will not be enough, whereas an additional vote for Giles will probably see him off.

C'mon. Smith is much more of a challenge. Don't you like challenges?

Or you could just vote for the Faerie Queen today as a token of good faith ...

[The Only Real Estel]

If Giles goes before Smith than voting for the Faerie Queen today is a possibility...

[Anguirel]

Ho-hum.

--NELL, ++THE FAERIE QUEAN

And yes, that spelling's deliberate and a rather nasty Middle English pun to back Sauce's rationale.

[littlemanpoet]

I'm all for the big characters being finalists. To that end:

++ Bruno

[Celuien]

I'm all for the big characters being finalists.
Same here. In fact, my ideal scenario involves a final round with Smith vs Giles. I'm sure everyone can guess what I want for the outcome. :p :D

[Anguirel]

Yeah, and the Faerie Queen is a frooping massive character.

Come on, everyone. A little variation. Women, do you possess the strength of character to evict a woman?

[Bêthberry]

Skip the pawpaws and prickly pears, Possums, and start at the top of the alphabet.

+ + BRUNO

[Diamond18]

And Ang's reverse logic continues to fail miserably, ha ha ha.... :p

Bruno: 4 votes

Queen of Faerie: 3 votes

Teddy: 1 vote

And so, Bruno was dragged into an alley, natch, and given a good drubbing by Butch.


Day the Thirty-Second finds 12 remaining contestants, reshuffled into the following tribes:


Those Who Belong to Faerie

Goldberry
Fíriel
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Queen of Faerie
Chrysophylax Dives

Those Who Don't

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
The Parson
Nell
Badger
Teddy

[Anguirel]

Women, do you possess the strength of character to evict a woman?

Evidently not.

Ah well, roll on female/emasulated Smith uncontended absolutism. Looking forward to a riveting final with Smith against a garden slug.

++GILES

[tom bombariffic]

Men, arent you fed up of these feminists harping on about keeping the women in?

++QUEEN OF FAERIE [edit: now it's nice and bold]

bombariffic

[The Saucepan Man]

++QUEEN OF FAERIE

Outrageous flirt. Deserves to go.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Women, do you possess the strength of character to evict a woman? The question is, do we women possess the strength of character to stand up for good and important characters, no matter what their gender and despite the discrimination of the males here?!

We do!

I checked the list to see which character is most insignificant, and since we already evicted one bear, I choose

++Badger

to go next. Not needed, not helpful, and not nearly as interesting as the Badger in "Wind in the Willows".

Admit it, guys - you're secretly wishing you could dance with the Queen of Faerie!

[Celuien]

++ BADGER

It was my bandwagon before. Only seems fitting that I return to it. :D

Admit it, guys - you're secretly wishing you could dance with the Queen of Faerie!
I suspect they're voting her off exactly because they want to trip the light fantastic with her and can't. How silly. :p :cool:

[Bêthberry]

Ham does not belong to Fairie even though he battles a dragon and wields Tailbiter The Sword That Would Not Be Sheathed? Surely it is but a fantasy that swords can never be sheathed--or papal bull!

And now, with that reach, here's my vote: If there were a llama, I'd pick him first, but this annoying one must go.

+ + BADGER (http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/)

[Tuor in Gondolin]

+ + Queen of Faerie

Badgers are quite English and should certainly
last longer then BEARS ! But the anti-bear
lobby seems to be quiescent today.

[The Only Real Estel]

++ Queen of Faerie

Assuming that our deal is good SpM if it's not then you'd better let me know now... ;)

[littlemanpoet]

++ BADGER

Oust the insignificant!

[Alcarillo]

++Badger

Between the Queen and the Badger, I'd rather see the Badger go and see all the truly important characters slug it out in the final days.

[Diamond18]

In a cruel twist of irony, if Ang had only voted for QoF instead of Giles, there'd be a double eviction today. But as fate would have it....

Badger: 5 votes

Queen of Faerie: 4 votes

Giles: 1 vote

And so, the badger was eaten by a SNAKE.


Day the Thirty-Second finds 11 characters remaining:


Those Who Belong to Faerie

Goldberry
Fíriel
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Queen of Faerie
Chrysophylax Dives

Those Who Don't

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
The Parson
Nell
Teddy

[tom bombariffic]

You've all heard my preamble, you've all kept her teetering on the brink. Now it's time for our good friend the queen of faerie to kick the bucket. Protect those characters you really like! Attack the weak one with no allies!

I'm feeling confident today. Today it's going to happen. Today we will see the long-awaited end of

++QUEEN OF FAERIE

bombariffic

[The Saucepan Man]

+ + QUEEN OF FAERIE

No wishful thinking here, I can assure you. I can think of a lot better candidates for a romantic cheek-to-cheek in Faerie.

And surely all these so-called "feminists" cannot approve of her behaviour ... :p ;)

[Estelyn Telcontar]

"Off with their heads!"

I agree with Alcarillo - let's keep the important characters for the finale. I am willing to sacrifice a female character, but let's take one with a less central role. Now, this is Mother's Day, so I will not vote for Nell, who is a mother. But we could do without Fíriel - she'll have to be forcibly dug out of the mud, of course, but with our concerted effort we should manage that. Therefore:

++Fíriel

[Bêthberry]

I think this allegation about voting by gender lies in the eye of the beholder. I certainly haven't been voting by gender and was one of the first to suggest we reform Princess Mee by teaching her a little independence.

And perhaps it is time to allow Fíriel to take that road not taken.

+ + Fíriel

[Anguirel]

Everyone, remember the money you've shelled out on Mother's Day cards? The breakfasts you've cooked, usually burning everything?

Mother's Day is a cynical capitalist invention playing upon the guilt of broken families in a world where consumerism has usurped filial kindness.

It is thus all the more appropriate that we now evict

++NELL

[Diamond18]

I think this allegation about voting by gender lies in the eye of the beholder.

As a close follower of the proceedings ;) I can attest that was the guys who brought feminism up in the first place and are the ones talking about it more than anyone. It's taken a few days for anyone to pay attention to them and respond on the subject. I was starting to wonder. :D

One day, Ang, you'll hit on the right way to evict Nell. I'll be waiting. ;)

[The Saucepan Man]

I can attest that was the guys who brought feminism up in the first place and are the ones talking about it more than anyone.Hey! Don't group us all together. I merely responded to the "feminist" backlash. :rolleyes: :D

[littlemanpoet]

++ Firiel

That's no way to treat a Queen. Besides, she did everything right. Firiel messed things up. Let her drown or mope in the hills or something and get eaten by badgers or snakes or moon dogs or something....

[Anguirel]

Zzz, whaddevah.

--NIL, ++THE QUEEN OF TEDIUM

[Celuien]

+ + Fíriel

For the Queen of Faerie!

[The 1,000 Reader]

++Firiel.

She doesn't exactly sound like the woman you'd want in your neighborhood.

[Alcarillo]

Well, it looks like Firiel's a goner anyways, but...

++Gram

Just expressing my wish to cull the lesser characters and to prepare for a clash-of-the-Titans style showdown between the major ones.

[Diamond18]

It would seem that Fíriel's reluctance to get on the last ship was foolhardy, since no one wanted her around anyway:

Fíriel: 5 votes

Queen of Faerie: 3 votes

Gram: 1 vote


And so, Fíriel was fed to the dragon, like many before her, and his burp was poetic.


Day the Thirty-Third finds 10 contestants remaining:


Those Who Belong to Faerie

Goldberry
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Queen of Faerie
Chrysophylax Dives

Those Who Don't

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
The Parson
Nell
Teddy

[Celuien]

++ Chrysophylax

He's no Smaug. :p

[Tuor in Gondolin]

+ + Teddy

Surely BEARS! are more frightening
then mere wizards or dragons.

[tom bombariffic]

I'm sitting out this round in protest.

So there. Humph.

bombariffic

[The Saucepan Man]

I'm sitting out this round (and quite possibly the remainder of the show) out of sheer boredom ...

[Diamond18]

:rolleyes:

Whatehvah.

[The Saucepan Man]

Whatehvah.OK. Let me explain my predicament. With a like-minded majority effectively able to block vote and ensure that their favoured candidate is eliminated each day, the minority with different views have little or no capacity to make any negligible impact on the show, even were they to act in concert.

I could vote with the block voting majority, or I could (as I have done so far) attempt to put forward alternative, more controversial, candidates. Either way, my actions have little effect on the outcome.

And so each day proceeds with a tedious inevitability towards the predictably tedious final outcome.

In such circumstances, the incentive for me to vote reduces each day to the point where I ask myself: "What is the point?" That point I have now reached.

This show has no controversy whatsoever. Hence, the ratings are tumbling. As one of the initial backers, I think it best that I simply cut my losses.

Of course, if there is any hint of an upset, I reserve the right to return ... ;)

[The Only Real Estel]

++ Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)


For his ridiculously long name (which I'm bringing up again) and his bad example of wielding a blunderbuss without a permit.

[littlemanpoet]

That like-minded majority ends today, as in:

Celuien! :mad: Waddaya mean Chrysophylax is no Smaug!?!? :mad:

++ Nell

Nell just can't compare to the noble and poetic dragon of all dragons. :D

[Estelyn Telcontar]

I vote for

++Gram

What a dog - all bark and no bite! He's like a certain dog I know well - instead of protecting his master, he gets him into trouble and needs to be protected.

[Diamond18]

This show has no controversy whatsoever. Hence, the ratings are tumbling. As one of the initial backers, I think it best that I simply cut my losses.

The problem with saying this, is that it ain't true. The game has more regular and semi-regular participants at this point than ever before. If anything it started out with low ratings and has steadily climbed. I readily accept your other reasoning, that you don't feel your votes are counting for anything and there's no point for you to keep voting the way you want to. But I don't see why your personal feelings of boredom have to be the rule for everyone else.

Of course, if there is any hint of an upset, I reserve the right to return ... ;)

And if you let Chrys fall before the likes of Nell and Teddy, I will never speak to you again.

:p

[The Saucepan Man]

But I don't see why your personal feelings of boredom have to be the rule for everyone else.I speak of the viewers, not just the active participants. This is a television show, isn't it? Can you imagine how dull it is for the poor unwashed masses to have such predictable outcomes each day?

Besides, if I'm bored, I like to make sure everyone knows about it. I'm like a child that way. :rolleyes: :D

And if you let Chrys fall before the likes of Nell and Teddy, I will never speak to you again.Darn! And there was me thinking of voting for him, just to put a spanner in the works (and to support my poor widowed wife from beyond the grave ...). ;)

Anyways, today looks to be shaping up as potentially interesting. I shall keep one eye on the proceedings ...

[Anguirel]

I yet see a way to be revenged on the whole pack of you

++GILES

[Formendacil]

You're all nuts.

Literally. Diamond is a brazil nut, SPM is a walnut, Anguirel is a peanut, and LMP is an acorn... (not a nut, exactly, I know...).

Anyway, you're all going about this the wrong way. What we need to do is lynch off an interesting character to keep the fun going- preferably a controversial one. Yet, at the same time, we ought to double-lynch off somebody boring, just to be rid of them.

For boring, I propose Nell. Ang should be happy, though he voteth for Giles.

For the interesting candidate, I propose Goldberry. Let's face it, she's a LotR character and belongs in the Legendarium with Frodo and Tom.

And I'm bound to step on a few toes. :p

++ Goldberry, daughter of the River

[Bêthberry]

Anyway, you're all going about this the wrong way. What we need to do is lynch off an interesting character to keep the fun going- preferably a controversial one. Yet, at the same time, we ought to double-lynch off somebody boring, just to be rid of them.



Formy, I do believe you are in the wrong thread, the wrong game, and if you aren't careful, our great Survivor Moddess might take umbrage that her right of death write is being overwighted . :p

May I suggest the following?

exit, stage left, followed by a werewolf (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showthread.php?t=11911&page=1)

:D

Actually, I am waiting for a Queen of Fairie // Goldberry smackdown. This here be a fey fray, the Widdle-earth Wight Fuss and Wubarb Qwarrel Ewent.

Until then, I humbly offer a president's toy as a panacea to those anti-establishmentarians amongst us:

+ + TEDDY

[tom bombariffic]

I like Teddy . I have nothing against Teddy . But when you vote against Goldberry you vote against ol' bombadillo .

++ Teddy

For the record, I'm sort of in agreement with ol' saucepanillo. I think it's too predictable - when people discuss teaming up to vote, saying "I'll vote for him if you join me after on him" it sort of kills your will to participate. But apparently I'm still here.

Sorry Teddy , with any luck you got far enough to be offered a job as host of own daytime home improvement show on ITV.

bombadillo

[Alcarillo]

++Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)

For the long name and all that jazz.

[Formendacil]

Formy, I do believe you are in the wrong thread, the wrong game, and if you aren't careful, our great Survivor Moddess might take umbrage that her right of death write is being overwighted . :p

May I suggest the following?

exit, stage left, followed by a werewolf (http://forum.barrowdowns.com/showthread.php?t=11911&page=1)

You mean this isn't the Assigned to Mordor II RPG?

Hang it all! And here I was sure I'd taken all the right turns...

Fine then! Forget Goldberry, she's clearly not a Werewolf. She's probably the Ranger.

-- Goldberry

Do you want to know who IS a Werewolf? It's the Parson. He's already slipped out of a tricky vote twice- once helping us lynch his fellow Werewolf Artaxerxes. He's hidden too much behind his RPG cover. Enough! Down with this foul, lupine fiend!

++ The Parson

(Yes, I am being exceedingly silly. Yes, I have no qualms about it.)

[Celuien]

Darn! And there was me thinking of voting for him, just to put a spanner in the works (and to support my poor widowed wife from beyond the grave ...). ;)
You still can! But I might actually change my vote to try and save your poor alternate identity from destruction today. :D

Celuien! Waddaya mean Chrysophylax is no Smaug!?!?

Smaug is always rotten to the core, making him a magnificent example of Morgoth's work. Chrysophylax appears to want to play both sides of the evil issue, simultaneously (or nearly so) attempting to ravage what he thinks is a defenseless countryside and making deals with Giles. Can't have it both ways and be a proper dragon. Can't have it both ways and be a properly reforming dragon either. :D

[The Saucepan Man]

... when people discuss teaming up to vote, saying "I'll vote for him if you join me after on him" it sort of kills your will to participate.Actually, that's when it's at its most interesting - provided that the bargaining is done between different "factions". The unfortunate thing is that there are certain "sacred cows" who remain tantalisingly beyond reach.

Oh well, it seems I shall have to join the predictable brigade today.

+ + TEDDY

Because - er - he's a teddy bear and it's way past his bed-time. :rolleyes:

[Celuien]

-- Chrysophylax
++ TEDDY...

...as a strategic move. Chrysophylax isn't going anywhere today, and I want to keep Giles around for the big showdown.

Besides, teddy bears. Hmmpph.

[Diamond18]

Teddy: 5 votes

Farmer Giles: 3 votes

The Parson: 1 vote

Nell: 1 vote

Gram: 1 vote


And so, Teddy was beaten, not softly, with a big stick.

(Thus fell the last Mr. Bliss character)


Day the Thirty-Fourth finds 9 contestants remaining:


Those Who Belong to Faerie

Goldberry
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Smith of Wootton Major
Queen of Faerie
Chrysophylax Dives

Those Who Don't

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
The Parson
Nell

[Anguirel]

There's one way to reinvigorate this show. Take away the central edifice and everything else collapses. I say we double-evict Giles and Smith.

++SMITH THE SACRED COW

[Formendacil]

LMP appears to have vanished (blame that fiendish juggernaut of a Werewolf game...) and so we can kill off Smith without fear of him dropping out. This close to the end, he likely won't be back in time.

Nice character though he is, I've never wanted to see a Smith win- just to irk SPM, and that's gotten boring.

Therefore, I beseech thee all to join and the noble Anguirel (well, sometimes he's noble...) in making this day dull and boring with predictable votes like so:

++ Smith

Clearly, a pseudonym.

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Whatever happened to my vote for Gram yesterday? Not that it would have made a difference, but I feel like Bilbo at the end of the Battle of Five Armies, invisible - and I'm not wearing a magic ring! I shall have to place my vote later today to be seen...

[Formendacil]

Whatever happened to my vote for Gram yesterday? Not that it would have made a difference, but I feel like Bilbo at the end of the Battle of Five Armies, invisible - and I'm not wearing a magic ring! I shall have to place my vote later today to be seen...

*whispers in a sneaky voice*

If you want your vote counted today, Esty... vote Smith. You'll have a whole legion of people making sure your vote is counted. :smokin:

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Thanks for the suggestion, but there's one problem - I want Smith to stay! I am working on a study of the autobiographical allegories in 'Smith' and 'Leaf', and the title character of the first is the last representation of Tolkien left in this game. I cannot prevent him from being voted out by others, but I shall most certainly not participate in that action! Nell, Gram, even the Parson - all possibilities...

[tom bombariffic]

In a heroic display of dishonour, I'm going to go and do exactly what I've been conplaining about. And I'm going to do it with bullish vigour, and then I'll probably go and have some cake and eat it. And you can't stop me.

Because I don't just want the big characters left, but judging by Estelyn Telcontar's post, I have a glimmer of hope that today she may give up fighting the juggernaut that has been shaping up against the

++ QUEEN OF FAERIE

I may not still have my aloof dignity, but she never had any.

bombariffic

[The Saucepan Man]

Ooh! Ooh! An opportunity ...

+ + SMITH OF WOOTTON MAJOR

Reasons scattered throughout this thread.

I say we double-evict Giles and Smith. I say we evict Smith today and Giles tomorrow. That way, with strength in numbers, we can be assured of both.

You know it makes sense! ;)

[Celuien]

:mad: Smith. :mad: And just when I was going to vote for Chrysophylax again.

++ GRAM

A bad dog who gets his master into trouble.

If absolutely necessary, I will vote for the Queen of Faerie to save Smith. But only if absolutely necessary.

[Tuor of Gondolin]

As Stephie said (inaccurately) to profesor
Bobo while babysitting for Mrs. Pearl Forester
in an MST 3000
episode:
"Bad dog! Bad dog!"

+ + Gram

[Kuruharan]

++ Smith of Wootton Major

Evidently he's actually a minotaur in disguise...

++SMITH THE SACRED COW

...and we don't want any of those running around.

(I mean, seriously, were-minotaurs...can you imagine?)

(I have a feeling my mod will be unhappy with me...)

[mormegil]

+ + SMITH OF WOOTTON MAJOR

I hear the summons!

Anybody with the name of Smith is far too common and we can loose a million of those and still not be in lack!

[littlemanpoet]

Oh, I'm here all right. You can bet I'm here. Not a chance of me letting this pass by.

SMITH LOVERS YOU NIGHT! .... or something like that... :p

++ GRAM

He's just a troublemaking dawg.

Alcarillo, I'm calling in that favor from a bunch of days ago. Please save Smith!!!

[The Saucepan Man]

Please save Smith!!!But why should he be saved? What has he ever actually done? Other than abandoning his wife, children and other worldly affairs while he was "away with the Faeries". And what has he done on the show to make it interesting? Zilch. Zippo. Nada. That's what.

Giles voters: My offer still stands. If you aid in a successful eviction of Smith today, you will have my vote for Giles tomorrow.

[Anguirel]

This game-much though it might seem to the contrary-is not contrived solely to fill LMP with happiness. His nemesis has been overlong in coming. You should have seen this, Poet of Little Men-no man can elude fate. You've enjoyed this lark and coasted on popular support at the expense of many of us, but you couldn't have expected this to last to the end...

Come, let us sit upon the ground,
And tell sad stories of the death of Smiths...

[littlemanpoet]

You think Smith did nothing? He was the primary carrier of the doom of Wootton. If not for him, beauty would have died in Wootton. Cakes would have been all airy frost and no nourishment. Gates, horse shoes, and hearth utensils would have been ugly and functional alone.

You cravens! You've admitted that you're against happiness! :p As good as orcs, I tell you! See if there is not a rumbling of support to save Smith from the likes of ye. Down with the orcish rebels! Those who would see the noble thrown down and the criminal raised up, should be thrown down themselves! :mad: :D

[The Saucepan Man]

You think Smith did nothing? He was the primary carrier of the doom of Wootton. If not for him, beauty would have died in Wootton. Cakes would have been all airy frost and no nourishment. Gates, horse shoes, and hearth utensils would have been ugly and functional alone.A hollow myth. Put about by the Smithsonians to justify his pointless existence. He left his family, to starve for all he cared, while he was off cavorting with Faerie Queens. Better the cake in hand than the one in the mind's eye, I say.

You've admitted that you're against happiness!Happiness is good. But happiness should be for all, rather than solely for the privileged elite permitted entry to Faerie.

Support the masses! Down eith the elitist Faerie-dreamers!

:p ;)

[Anguirel]

I'm all for elitists, but this elite has made the dire error of not including me.

Say what you will, LMP, you've presumed on your non-existent Right to Happiness long enough!

[Celuien]

Dreamers useless? Shocking falsehood!

Who has the insight to see the world for what it could be rather than how it is, and thereby gives us visions for the future? The dreamers. Who brings beauty into the world through art, music, and literature? The dreamers again! Why, without the Smiths, there would be no Beethoven, Mozart, Monet, or (gasp) LOTR. We wouldn't even be here now to have this argument if there were no Smiths around.

Save Smith!

[tom bombariffic]

Surely you can all see that smith was innocent, corrupted by the evil queen of faerie?

Hey dol, derry dol, Kill the Queen.

bombariffic

[Bêthberry]

This vote quoted below is a slanderous attack on the beliefs of vegetarians everywhere. I can barely countenance the copying of it save that I must make you aware of which vote it is so as to avoid such sullying of the reputation of the Downs for fairness, tolerance, respect, civility, community, courtesy and etc etc--which rant of course does not exclude the Lord Etceteron, as he certainly must have had a high level of tolerance even as he practiced it little.

SMITH THE SACRED COW

In short, I cannot countenance a vote which is undertaken according this wretched form of discriminatory reasoning.

Speaking of discrimination, I myself have had difficulty with Tolkien's attitude towards cats and have tried to acquire a modicum of understanding for his canine favouritism. Now I feel it is time to acknowledge his unfortunate speciesism and vote off the dog.

+ + GRAM

[The Saucepan Man]

Who has the insight to see the world for what it could be rather than how it is, and thereby gives us visions for the future? The dreamers. Who brings beauty into the world through art, music, and literature? The dreamers again! Why, without the Smiths, there would be no Beethoven, Mozart, Monet, or (gasp) LOTR.Ah, well. I have nothing against those visionaries who actually make something of their dreams. Problem is that Smith did nothing of the sort. He simply enjoyed all that Faerie had to offer (those flirtacious Elf maids, in particular :rolleyes: ) and then returned. End of story. Dull, idle, selfish and unproductive. He must go.

Surely you can all see that smith was innocent, corrupted by the evil queen of faerie?At least she stayed in her rightful place. Elves belong in Faerie and Smiths belong in Wootton Major. I might be more sympathtic to him had his sojourn in Fairyland actually produced some tangible, or even intangible, benefit. But, alas, it did not.

[dancing spawn of ungoliant]

Who brings beauty into the world through art, music, and literature? The dreamers again!Nah, most of them achieved their greatness and fame with hard work, I tell you. The so called dreamers, Mozart, for example, lived an unhappy life drinking liquor and died young. Say no to "dreamers" and their unhealthy lifestyle!

You cravens! You've admitted that you're against happiness! :p As good as orcs, I tell you!No wonder that orcs became so vile if happiness is such an exclusive thing.

Smith the winner of this Show? Dream on...


++Smith of Wootton Major

[The Saucepan Man]

This vote quoted below is a slanderous attack on the beliefs of vegetarians everywhere. I can barely countenance the copying of it save that I must make you aware of which vote it is so as to avoid such sullying of the reputation of the Downs for fairness, tolerance, respect, civility, community, courtesy and etc etcAlas, Survivor shows do not hold such a reputation. :rolleyes: ;)

But at least this day has brought more excitement and controversy in one day than there has been throughout the rest of the show to date. The viewing figures are soaring in response. Which cannot be a bad thing, whichever way the voting may go.

And the Smithsonians have at last been compelled to put up a defence of their sacred .. er ... cabbage, rather than simply assuming his continued survival. Happily, and as I could have predicted, the exercise has established that there is no credible case for his continued survival, let alone his victory.

'Tis sentimentality alone which grips the thread by which his survival hangs ...

[Lalaith]

++SMITH

Boring name, boring guy. Bet the Queen was bored by him, too.

[Diamond18]

Oooooooh my goodness, has the Alliance of Ultra DOOM made an appeareance in my humble game?

[littlemanpoet]

:mad: Be warned, foul miscreants, you will not be rid of me so easily. Beware the revenge I shall wreak upon your plans should you succeed in your malfeasance!

For example: Anybody who's playing Dueling Wizards who votes against Smith of Wootton Major will NOT get a good death write-up.

Worse yet, I'll have the EW & GW pick YOU as their choice to make mincemeat of!

FEEEEEEL the WRATH of Elempiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!! :mad:

:D

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Who needs animals and players who can only bark and try to get others into trouble?!

++Gram

[Bêthberry]

. . . sacred .. er ... cabbage . . .

As an Englishman I suspect you don't realise that cabbage--mon petit chou--is really a form of great endearment for those of use who are not hobbled by knowledge of only The One Language, English.

Perhaps you meant sacred sausage? That strikes me as a bit more Brit. :D

[the phantom]

+ + Gram

I don't think a dog should be winning this contest- particularly a bad dog.

[Kuruharan]

Anybody who's playing Dueling Wizards who votes against Smith of Wootton Major will NOT get a good death write-up.

Worse yet, I'll have the EW & GW pick YOU as their choice to make mincemeat of!

Well, considering the fact that only one of us is still alive and/or playing, I'm not sure this is going to work. ;)

[Formendacil]

Giles voters: My offer still stands. If you aid in a successful eviction of Smith today, you will have my vote for Giles tomorrow.

Now that's a really tempting offer... seeing how you've been SO successful this game at voting somebody off. :p

On that note, a couple more Smith voters would be much appreciated to alleviate fears of Gram getting it instead.

For example: Anybody who's playing Dueling Wizards who votes against Smith of Wootton Major will NOT get a good death write-up.

Worse yet, I'll have the EW & GW pick YOU as their choice to make mincemeat of!

Mwahahahaha!

I'm not playing. Anguirel's not playing. SPM's been killed already. The real lynchpins of the anti-Smith campaign are invulnerable in that respect. :smokin:

Lalaith, Spawn, Kuru, Morm... you're in possible danger, I suppose. Stick to your guns! Don't let this domineering politician use his influence elsewhere here! It's a classic situation of a bigwig in one field trying to pressure people in another. Stick to your guns!

[Celuien]

...anti-Smith campaign...
Do you really want to be associated with anti-Smith antibodies (http://www.fpnotebook.com/RHE58.htm)?

Come on, folks! Don't vote out Smith. Gram is a much better candidate for elimination today. So vote for Gram.

And, yes, I'm sentimental. Unapologetically so. So there. :p

[The Saucepan Man]

For example: Anybody who's playing Dueling Wizards who votes against Smith of Wootton Major will NOT get a good death write-up.Shocking abuse of power! I thought that you Smithsonians were all high 'n mighty. Yet you now reveal the true lengths to which you will go to secure your candidate's desired victory. Something is rotten in the Land of Faerie. Shocking!


I don't think a dog should be winning this contest- particularly a bad dog.No one's saying he's gonna win. The anti-Gram vote is simply an attempt to secure the victory for Smith. And that is what will surely happen should he not go today. How dull and predictable will that be? It will turn viewers off the show for good. Come now, there will be plenty of other worthy candidates left if Smith goes.


So vote for Gram.Can one divorce one's widow ...? ;)

But why vote for Gram? Can anyone give a good reason, other than the fact that he's a dog? Dog's are useful in survival situations. They can hunt food, keep guard, provide good company and all sorts. In marked contrast to Smith, who has conspicuously failed to do even a single useful thing while on the Island. Always off searching for Faerie. Never contributing to the tasks or the camp chores. Tsk!

And Gram may misbehave occasionally. But that shows character. Something in which Smith is singularly lacking.

Now that's a really tempting offer... seeing how you've been SO successful this game at voting somebody off. But just look at the way the odds have been stacked against me. And, despite all that, he is now on the verge of leaving. Besides, there are a few who wish to see the back of Giles. I will be glad to join them once Smith as gone.

[The Saucepan Man]

Perhaps you meant sacred sausage? That strikes me as a bit more Brit.But my dear Bb, old bean, I was simply trying to avoid offending those delicate vegetarian sensibilities of which you spoke. Sacred sausages would not do at all.

Sacre bleu! :rolleyes:

[Celuien]

Can one divorce one's widow ...? ;)
I suppose the legal question is one of the necessity for a formal divorce proceeding if one party to the contract is already deceased. Does the marriage contract provide for an automatic ending to the wedded state should a spouse die, then reappear in other form in a different realm of existence, as has happened in this case? Or is the incident of death sufficent to end the contract, regardless of still-living embodiments of the deceased in other forms? Then again, should you succeed in killing Smith today, I will be joining you in the realm of the departed. Would the marriage be resumed upon my death, regardless of previous termination? Whether or not a previously nullified by death marriage is resumed once both parties are deceased is a knotty point beyond my ability to unravel. I'm not a loyer. :p ;)

But why vote for Gram? Can anyone give a good reason, other than the fact that he's a dog?
I can! Yes, dogs are useful in survival situations. But they must be useful dogs. This beast, as indicated by his name, is a one gram nothing. Can you expect any work from such a tiny creature? Is a miniature canine of any value in defending the camp if an intruder can easily squash him with the step of a bare foot? Of course not.

Vote Gram for Eviction!

[The Saucepan Man]

Then again, should you succeed in killing Smith today ...Well, I only want to evict him. Whether he dies upon eviction is a matter for the Diamoddess.

I'm not a loyer.You should be after that speech ... :D

Is a miniature canine of any value in defending the camp if an intruder can easily squash him with the step of a bare foot?Smith is hardly any use in defending the camp when he's away with the faeries all the time. Gram brings amusement and companionship, if nothing else. Smith brings nothing to the party.

Btw - you see how exciting this can be when the outcome is not predictable ... :smokin:

[Celuien]

You should be after that speech...
Why, thank you. :D I'll have to consider if I ever become unhappy in my current profession. ;)
Smith brings nothing to the party.
But he does bring something. He brings the one thing without which no party is complete. Cake. :smokin:

Btw - you see how exciting this can be when the outcome is not predictable ...
Very exciting. Though I still hope that Smith will be saved today...

[Lhunardawen]

++GRAM

For cats! Err...Smith! :D

[Bêthberry]

But my dear Bb, old bean, I was simply trying to avoid offending those delicate vegetarian sensibilities of which you spoke. Sacred sausages would not do at all.

Sacre bleu! :rolleyes:

Tabernac! Whimpeys doesn't serve veggie burgers and soya sausages? Are we left then with the sacred Baldrick?

[Elu Ancalime]

++ Smith of Wootton Major

The one whom I owe allegence to has called me....oathkeeper, I am!

I think Tolkien might have been bored when he was righting this one, and ripped off The Adventure of Link, Halo (Master Cook!?) and Feast of Good Children is definetly straight from Santa Claus' early ideas and experiments. Let's git rid of the (as we say in the 'Souf',) "bo-bo brand.
________
Glass bubblers (http://bubblers.net/)

[The Only Real Estel]

++ Smith

Mainly to prevent a Smith/Giles showdown because that would be a horrible groaner.

And should Smith go I, at the very least, will have SpM's vote against Long-Name tomorrow...

[Alcarillo]

++Gram

A dog on a medieval farm is certain not to have all of the proper shots. God knows what horrible diseases the animal carries. I wouldn't be surprised if half the contestants have rabies by now.

[Diamond18]

It was a banger of a day -- reinforcements were summoned on both sides, and the mod actually had to write the votes down instead of counting them on her fingers. Like, work.


Smith of Wootton Major: 9 votes

Gram: 8 votes

Queen of Faerie: 1 vote


And so, as Sauce gave a delirious whoop for joy, Smith was trussed up like a chicken and given a sound drubbing with saucepans, frying pans, soup pans, and those fun leather whips with the ball bearings and sharp tacks woven in. He fell to the ground, whimpering, "I just wanted to eat cake," before he bled out his life upon the Watchers Rock. His heart was removed and used for some vile purpose that involved hula dancing and ritual cannibalism.

Ang leered nastily at the weeping widow, Nell, and Smith's supporters gnashed their teeth, vowing revenge.


Day the Thirty-Fifth finds 8 contestants remaining:


Those Who Belong to Faerie

Goldberry
Alf the Prentice, King of Faerie
Queen of Faerie
Chrysophylax Dives

Those Who Don't

Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)
Gram, his dog
The Parson
Nell

[Anguirel]

Excellent. Now let's hang that unpleasant dog...

++GRAM adding insult to injury mode

[Formendacil]

Excellent. Now let's hang that unpleasant dog...

++GRAM adding insult to injury mode

Gram?

Fie on you, Anguirel, to abandon so soon your standings of old.

I who played Kingmaker yesterday shall try my hand at it again. To the vote of Nell, I summon thee!

++ Nell

If nothing else, watching the broken remnants of the Pro-Smith party make a ruckus of defending his widow should be interesting.

[tom bombariffic]

you won't make me give up that easily.

++ QUEEN OF FAERIE

Right, you can all see that I personally don't like her. But think about it! She's manipulating, a temptress, practically a kidnapper. A very bad influence.

There's a word for people like that. Jailbait.

Do the right thing.

bombariffic

[Celuien]

I told you that Diamond would kill Smith if he got voted off. :(

Now, what's the best way to take my revenge? :mad: :D

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Mercy! Mercenaries upon us! Where did all the voters come from so suddenly?

Fie upon not-so-bombariffic tom - blaming the woman for the man's situation is an excuse that goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden!

Now, which choice to make today - I could continue voting for Gram, thereby risking being considered boring...

Nell and the Parson are the other least important characters...

As the latter said, "A little closer inspection will be required."

[tom bombariffic]

well as a woman you ought to be perfectly aware of your potential for influence and the immorality of abusing it.

Poor little smith, he didn't know what had hit him.

Das Uber-Bombariffic Tom

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Huh?? Only the person doing something is responsible for his actions, no one else!

You overestimate my potential.

[tom bombariffic]

You're making it very hard for me to keep mistrusting the queen!

please let me sit at home and nurse my dislike in peace. Stop being so persuasive, you're like the queen...so I suppose that means I'm to blame...

I'm getting confused now. Think I need to sit down and eat a sandwich.

bombariffic

[Anguirel]

For reasons that I shall for the moment conceal I will not be party to the eviction of Nell.

However I do agree that, purely because of the surfeit yesterday, my ailurophile attack on Gram lacks novelty.

--GRAM, ++THE PARSON

I've detested this religious bigot ever since he stirred up the mob against the unfortunate Persian Artaxerxes...

[The Saucepan Man]

Hehe. I knew that this would start to become interesting once Smith was knocked out. The outcome of the show is now a lot less certain and a number of interesting issues are raised. Will the Smithsonians coalesce around a single alternative candidate or will they be reduced to rancour and petty squabbling without their sacred (veggie) sausage to rally round? How will the opposing factions and the independents react? Will the Alliance of DOOM put in a return appearance? Will anyone ever understand what Ang is trying to achieve? Will Celuien be avenged? Does bombariffic's deep-seated dislike of the Faerie Queen stem from an unfortunate episode in his childhood? All these quesions and more will be answered over the coming days. And so the show is beginning to catch the vewing public's imagination once more. I shall be rendering a modest fee for saving the show in due course, Diamond. ;)

Now, what's the best way to take my revenge?There isn't one, as far as I am concerned, I am afraid. You see, that's the beauty of not having a favoured candidate. My only aim was to evict Smith, so I'm happy whatever the outcome now. :p

Mercy! Mercenaries upon us! Where did all the voters come from so suddenly?Aha! Nobody expects the Alliance of DOOM! Our chief weapon is surprise ... surprise and fear ... fear and surprise ... Our two weapons are fear and surprise ... and ruthless efficiency ... etc etc

Sorry, but desperate times called for desperate measures. And I see that the so-called League of Extraordinary Downers was called upon too. Happily, the Alliance prevailed once more.

As for my vote, well I must honour my pledge to The Only Real Estel (thanks, by the way, TORE :) ):

+ + Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo

I quite like the old chap, but a promise is a promise. And title characters always make fun evictees. Oh yeah, and he has an improbably long and inexcusably Latin name.

[Tuor of Gondolin]

Aha! Nobody expects the Alliance of DOOM! Our chief weapon is surprise ... surprise and fear ... fear and surprise ... Our two weapons are fear and surprise ... and ruthless efficiency ...

And an almost fanatical devotion to the pope!

And for any who oppose the eviction of
+ + Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)

Put them on the rack and give the rack a turn!!!
Hahahahahahaha!

[Celuien]

There isn't one, as far as I am concerned, I am afraid. You see, that's the beauty of not having a favoured candidate. My only aim was to evict Smith, so I'm happy whatever the outcome now. :p
Unfortunately for me, I think that's entirely true. My only method against you is to oppose any campaign you start, which isn't all that satisfying. So I won't bother. :p

Now Anguirel, who was also a culprit in Smith's demise, is more likely to be irritated by any future scheming. I think I'll focus my efforts on thwarting him. :cool:

Save The Parson!

++ Ægidius Ahenobarbus Julius Agricola de Hammo (Farmer Giles of Ham)

How in Middle-earth has this anakronism wielding imposter survived so long?

[littlemanpoet]

...before he bled out his life upon the Watchers RockHey! That's my tale!

Smith's supporters gnashed their teeth, vowing revenge.Indeed. You will pay.

++ Giles

Let's whip the boy, the usurper, the liar and thief. Not to mention his smarts was in his gut, seat, and hand instead of his head.

[Anguirel]

Unlike some, I do not jealously cling onto hegemony and success, attempting a monopoly of my candidates.

Lady Celuien, you have my full support. However, I would appreciate a movement against the turbulent priest tomorrow.

--THE PARSON, ++FARMER GILES OF HAM

[Diamond18]

Hey! That's my tale!

Well, are you not Smith?

Will anyone ever understand what Ang is trying to achieve?

I know exactly why Ang won't vote for Nell anymore... and it makes me giggle. The boy is so easy to mess with. :D