A Side of the Barrow-Downs you haven't seen...

[Luinalatawen]

I hope this topic won't be closed, but I really must share this with you all:

Dialectize the BD Forum (http://rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=bork&url=http%3A%2F%2Fforum.barrowdowns.com%2Fcgi-bin%2Fultimatebb.cgi)

Enjoy!

[vanwalossien]

Not that I've ever heard a Swedish chef trying to speak English, but that was funny! smilies/biggrin.gif Too bad there's not a dialect called Norwegian farmer there... That could've been very interesting....

[Eruwen]

Um, yeah, very very strange. But it was funny. Especially since they were pronouncing my name as Iroovee. Thanks, Luin, a nice thing to see first thing in the morning. I think it probably woke me up completely. smilies/smile.gif

[Galadrie1]

Heh, I've actually seen that before, but not for whole websites. Try out "moron," it's hilarious! Thanks for the link, Luin!

[The Squatter of Amon Rûdh]

Blimey O'Reilly, guv. 'Ow did I nevvah spot vat place befoah? Cheers fer lettin' me see a cockneyed Barrer Dahns, me old china.

[Lush]

I vant to take zis moment to complain zat ze Dialektizer haz no Russkii dialekt for me to enjoy, ponimaesh? Ozervize, sank you for ze laugh.

[Birdland]

Wa'll, hit had Redneck, so's hits alrighty by me, Fry ma hide! Especially since it turned Bethberry's RPG forum into The White Houn'dog Inn.

[Oddwen]

Fry mah hide! De Barrow-waaaay Downs is, duhhhh, weawwy diffwent, uh-hah-hah-hah!

De fust sucka' t'get it right continues de dread wid some new quesshun.

That cracked me up...

Aww, Wush. How cute!

[Diamond18]

I have known real fear:

De Revenge uh de Entish Bow (http://rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=jive&url=http%3A%2F%2Fforum.barrowdowns.com%2Fcgi-bin%2Fultimatebb.cgi%3Fubb%3Dget_topic%26f%3D22%26 t%3D000037)

[Kuruharan]

smilies/biggrin.gif

At least my title managed to make it through unscathed.

You can probably expect the phrase "Slap mah fro!" to appear in a future part of the story (or two). smilies/biggrin.gif

(It was simply too hilarious for words to see the front page of the forum presented in jive!)

[kittiewhirl1677]

Those were all REALLY funny. I saw myself in the users online part of the BDs, my name was pronounced as keettioohurl1677. That was really, really funny!

[Elennar Starfire]

Too funny! I'm Ilenner Sterffure-a!
And Ewennaw Stawfiwe!

Lootheeee_ Teenoofiel heeheeheehee
and Meeddle-a-Iert

My siggy in Swedish Chef:
Thuse-a vhu velk in derkness mey be-a luukeeng tu zee soon,
bleended tu zee pet zeeur feet treed. Bork bork bork!
Vefe-a keengs et Burumur zee deescu sqooeed!

I would be laughing out loud, but I don't want to get kicked out of the library, so I'm just giggling quietly.

*dies of trying to hold in laughter*

smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif
I would use more, but I can't. (sad face that I can't use)

[ August 09, 2003: Message edited by: Elennar Starfire ]

[Sophia the Thunder Mistress]

"Sophia da Thunner Mistress" enjoyed that little translation greatly. So did "Soofeeya".

[Tymezennith]

Tymezenneet
Isn't my name just lovely? smilies/biggrin.gif

Vhy is zee room gune-a!?

[ August 09, 2003: Message edited by: Tymezennith ]

[Diamond18]

"Sophia da Thunner Mistress" enjoyed that little translation greatly. So did "Soofeeya".

What did Sophia da damn Dunda' Mistress think of it? smilies/biggrin.gif

And Kuru: I can't wait to write Vogonwë's next poem. Be afraid... be very afraid...

[Luthien_ Tinuviel]

New t' Mibble-eard or back affeh a long absess, duh...uh...? Hehe's de place t' discuss Hobbits, duuhhhh, Dragons 'n Wizards or anydigg else dat's on your mind bou' the, uh uh uh, fantastic world of Mibble-eard, GEEEHEEHEEE.

smilies/eek.gif That's scary!

Lootheeee_ Teenoofiel heeheeheehee

Hey! smilies/wink.gif

/\/\echanical monstarz at th fall 0f !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 LOLLOLOLOLLOLO~~~ ololololooololoo!!!!!!111~~~~ OLOLOL / (lindil)


Okay. I take my first quote back. This is the scariest thing I've ever seen!

My name in all the dialects:
luthein_ tinuveil
Lootheeee_ Teenoofiel
(My name survived in redneck. Phew!)
Ludien_ Tinuviel
Luffien_ Tinuviel
Wuthien_ Tinuview
Uthienlay_ Inuvieltay

"De Wowd of the Wings is of couwse a fundamentawwy wewigious and Chwistian wowk; unconsciouswy so at fiwst, but consciouswy in the wevision, uh-hah-hah-hah. "
"But nobwew is his spiwit than the undewstanding of Sauwon, fow is he not of the chiwdwen of Wuthien?"


My signature in "Elmer Fudd". Very weird. But I think by far the scariest ones are "hacker" and "Pig Latin". Thanks for the link, Luin! smilies/smile.gif

[Gorwingel]

Hey I have been on that dialectizer before, but I never knew that they would translate an entire forum for you!

All of them butcher my name completely...
Gorwiggel (moron)
Gurveengel (swedish chef)
Go'wingil (Redneck)
Go'win'el (Jive)
and my personal favorite Gowwingew (Elmer Fudd, my man!)

I also never knew that the charater of Peeppee exsisted smilies/biggrin.gif

Additionally in moron Ghost Prince turns into Ghost Priss smilies/biggrin.gif

This is just too, too funny

[ August 09, 2003: Message edited by: Gorwingel ]

[Genevieve]

Heehee. I liked the swedish chef one. My name was: Genefeeefe-a. Heeheee!!! I love it!! I've never seen anything like that that could do a whole website! Thats really amazing actually. Anyways, thanks! That was funny! smilies/biggrin.gif

[Lush]

Oh yes yes yes. But the best of them all is Squatter's signature in new format:

""I's gots'ta be but mad no'd-no'd-west, dig dis: when de wind be souderly ah' know some hawk fum some handsaw, so cut me some slack, Jack." Hamlet Act II Scene ii"

At last, a way to have de Bard appeal to de MTV fans.

[Luinalatawen]

Well, I'm glad everyone got a kick out of it. I myself was trying (unsuccessfully) to stifle laughs in a quiet house at 4 am. The first URL that came to mind to dialectize was, of course, that of this wonderful site. But yes, it is quite amusing to see the good ol' Barrow-Downs that we are so used to in a different light. I found "moron" to be particularly humorous- this kind of haphazard posting with spelling errors and such is not encouraged here!

Here's one of my favorites:

Elvencrib
All doodads gots'ta eventually pass fum Middle-eard, even baaaad Roleplayin' Games. Elvencrib be an archive uh dose games dat gots played t'compleshun. Please eyeball and enjoy dem, usin' dem as an 'esample fo' future adventures.

I also never knew that the charater of Peeppee exsisted

Additionally in moron Ghost Prince turns into Ghost Priss


LOL, Gorwingel. Excellent observations.

-Wuinawatawen, Looeeneletevee... whichever you prefer

[Galadrie1]

See whAt and wh si new at teh bArrow-dowNs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1~~~~ ALLS IRTE ANNOUNC3MENTS AND COmMENTs GO HARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~ ololollolololo~~~ That's quite possibly the scariest thing I've ever seen. In-depd discussions uh Middle-eard fo' de learned and da damn curious. Fun and chinaly TOLKIEN and MIDDLE-EARTH topics that are more comical than informational. I'll get out me spoons. I could do this for hours.... smilies/biggrin.gif

[dragoneyes]

I am rather fond of "dragonmince pies" aren't we all? And I agree with Galadrie1, I could go on like this for ages.

dfragOn3yeS however, is slightly odd. In fact, I'm confused and quite scared by the whole hacker dialogue.

[arianrod]

lol! This is great! This is gonna keep me entertained for weeks... (i'm easily amused).

My name is "ereeunrud"? *cracks up*

Thanks for this wonderful new look of "Zee Berroo-Doons". smilies/biggrin.gif

[Amanaduial the archer]

Well then, my neme-a is Emunedooeeel zee Ercher. Good grief..

Heh heh, my first post of Broth- sorry, Bruvvahood, a Story From The Last Alliance: RPG fread, in cockney:

Arffain welcomed 'is china eagerly, runnin' up ter him. But such a greetin' were in order; it 'ad been too long since they 'ad last seen each uvver, right, years 'ad passed and Arffain knew 'e must 'ave changed a bit in the elfs mince pies. But the bloody elf still 'ad some tricks up 'is sleeve, and 'is beautiful voice, right, as clear and pure as a mountain stream, shocked Arffain into putting the mockers on.
"Mellon, why 'ave yer never sung wiv me before, eh, squire? Yor voice 'as such purity! Honest guv!"

Melost grinned mischieviously at Arffain as 'e replied. "One must never reveal all one's gifts. How ordinary I would appear in yor mince pies if I couldn't amaze yer now and again."

Arffain mock bowed slightly. "Ah great words from the chuffin' wise Melost! Honest guv!"

His mucker raised an eyebrow slightly, still smilin', and stretched 'is legs. Right. "Ai! Blimey! I'm used ter travellin' afoot! Blimey! Light-footed fough she is, right, my Estel 'as tried me muscles this day! Struth! But Arffain! Blimey! Behold Menelmacar as 'e strides among the stars."

Arffain 'umoured 'is mucker, 'ave a lookin' up at the sky wiv 'im, but 'e 'ad never been able ter see such beauty in the bloody finks that Melost rendered so wonderful. He knew 'ow much it meant ter his elven mucker ter find beauty in wee fings fough, right, so 'e didnt interrupt, but sat dahn at the fire again and waited.

After a mument the elf turned hammer and tack and sat dahn wiv 'im, right? "Yer would ravver sit by the fire than survey the beauty of such a night?"

Arffain shrugged. "I spose me personality 'asnt changed much, right, china. Like yor 'ave a looks." 'e flicked 'is mince pies up and dahn the elfs still yerffful body, right, and 'is unlined Nanny Goat Race, still like that of a twenty year old. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. The elf were centuries older than 'im, right, but 'e felt ancient beside 'im. Melost shrugged. "Yer 'avent aged much eever, Arffain."

"Yor a silver tongued liar, right, Melost! Oi!" Arffain shoved 'im playfully. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. "Nay, right, many years 'ave passed since last we met. Too long."

"Aye, right, too long, do wot guvnor! And many fings 'ave no doubt 'appened for boff of us in the chuffin' time since."

"Indeed. Come, tell me Melost, wot 'as been 'appenin' ter yer these long years?"

Oh, Cuthalion would have a fit...that made me laugh aloud!

[elven maiden Earwen]

This is to funny. smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

Come rap about da damn all de movies uh de Lo'd uh de Rin's, even dose animated ones.

Come rabbit and pork about the bloomin' all the bloody movies of the Lord of the bloomin' Ringgs, right, even them animated ones.

A Members Only forum containin' The bloody Texts and Works in Progress of 'The Council for the bloody Creation of a New Canon of the Silmarillion'. To view the bloomin' chats, debates and guidelines for joinin' the project, visit the public Translations forum and begin wiv the 'Introduction ter this Forum/Project' fread.

A role-player's first put the mockers on, The chuffin' Shire is the place for newcomers ter Barrow-Dahns rolemessing. Cross over the Water, right, step into the bloomin' Green Dragon, and join in the bloomin' simpler pleasures of life.

All diggs must ebentual pass from Mibble-eard, eben good Roleplayigg Games. Elbenhome is an archibe of dose games dat habe playid to c'pleshun. Please read 'n endgoy dem, usigg dem as an examble f' future adbentures.

I'm going to stop here but this is way to funny smilies/biggrin.gif smilies/biggrin.gif

[ August 12, 2003: Message edited by: elven maiden Earwen ]

[Elennar Starfire]

In-depf discussions of Middwe-eawf fow the weawned and the cuwious. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! Evewyone is wewcome.

Dat scwewy wabbit?

In-dept deescoossiuns ooff Meeddle-a-iert fur zee leerned und zee cooreeuoos. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Iferyune-a is velcume-a.

Bork bork?


Come talk bou' de all de moobies of de Lord of de Riggs, duuhhhh, eben dose animatid ones.

Moobies?

Hacker is just scary.

[Brinniel]

I rather liked "my proRoyal Mile" and the "Rolemessing" section (in cockney). :D

Reading the RPGs in cockney in the funniest part of it. I couldn't resist but to paste part of my first post for my character Raye in The chuffin' Shadows of Umbra:

In a wee village outside of Mirkwood, there were a tavern. The bloomin' tavern were quite ordinary. It were not large, right, but neever were it wee. The tavern were not old, yet it 'ad stood for many years. Business were slow that night, right, but the stormy wevver were not the bloomin' cause.
In the corner of the tavern, sat a dark, right, cloaked figure. The bleedin' wee figure did not appear intimidatin', yet all avoided it. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna. Slender 'ands 'eld a pipe, wich the cloaked figure smoked. This mesterious geezer sat there, right, as if waitin' for sumfink.

Several minutes later, a man dared ter approach the figure. Fough 'e were quite drunk, right, as 'e could not ball of chalk in a straight line, he seemed unusually focused and ravver furious. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? He did not put the mockers on until 'e were ten feet from the figure. The chuffin' figure leaned back, right, its arms crossed, right, showin' no fear of this man.
"Take off yor 'ood, fool," the man said. "And let me speak wiv yer."
The figure stood up and pulled off its 'ood, revealin' a bint. The tart were not beautiful, nor were she ugly. She 'ad long fiery red 'air, right, that would stand out for miles. Her skin were rough and tanned from spendin' many years in the bleedin' sun. Her mince pies were a brilliant green, but were also cold and piercin'.
The cow, Raye she were called, gave the man a smirk and responded ter his words, askin'," And woss it yer would like ter speak ter me about?"
"Yer know wot I 'ave ter say," the man growled. "Yer cheated me on that last game of darts. I want me brass back."

At this point, right, several of the chuffin' uvvers in the tavern 'ad just begun noticin' the man's confrontation wiv Raye. Many fled the bleedin' buildin', afraid ter see wot were ter happen ter the man. Uvvers sat in their seats, huddled togeffer, right, speakin' in soft wispers.

Raye paid no 'eed ter the uvvers, right, ffough. Her focus remained on the bleedin' man.
"Oh, wot a shame," she said, unmeaningfully, right? "If yer 'ad only told me that before I spent all yor brass for meself." Raye pulled out 'er dagger, init?The bloomin' drunk man, 'oom Raye considered 'elpless, did not spot the bloomin' dagger wich Raye concealed behind 'er back.
"But then again," she continued. "I spose we could 'ave a remotch. If yer win, right, yer cop the remainder of me brass and if I win, I cop nuffink." Raye began ter walk towards the chuffin' drunken fool. "Yer would like that, wouldn't yer?" Raye and the man stood Nanny Goat Race ter Nanny Goat Race, separated by only a few inches of air.
The chuffin' man nodded, no longer furious wiv the yung bint. "I would like that right much," 'e said.
Raye could spot that the bloody fool were completely ignorant of 'er lies and did not realize 'is fate. This satisfied Raye. This man would go dahn wivout a fight.
"Unfortunately," she told the bloody man. "I don't do remotches wiv any fairy." She frusted the chuffin' dagger into the bloody man's stomach.
The man doubled over in pain, but Raye did not release the dagger. "Peraps yer will remember that next time yer come across me."
The man were turnin' ravver pale, but still 'e nodded.
"Good," Raye, said pullin' the bloody dagger from the man's stomach, right, usin' it ter slice 'is froat. The chuffin' man fell ter the bloomin' ground, init?
An easy kill she fought, starin' a the dead man. By far the bleedin' easiest yet.
She picked up 'er belongings and 'eaded out of the chuffin' tavern. The uvvers 'oo remained in the tavern cowered as she strode past them.

That's even better than the original post! ;)

[*Varda*]

Hilarious...although I object to my name being Ferda, Barda, and Vawda smilies/wink.gif Also loved 'The Bleedin' Shire' 'A measho' man uh Sucess' and 'Th' White Houn'dog Inn'

[Diamond18]

What's really priceless is reading one of those threads which complain about chatspeak, sloppy typing, bad spelling, etc., in Moron... (http://rinkworks.com/dialect/dialectp.cgi?dialect=moron&url=http%3A%2F%2Fforum.barrowdowns.com%2Fcgi-bin%2Fultimatebb.cgi%3Fubb%3Dget_topic%26f%3D14%26 t%3D000897%26p%3D2)

My favorite way to read the RPG's is Jive. You get phrases such as...

"Pimpiowyn! Right on! Oh, Pimpi! Right on! Pimpi mah' love! Right on!"

smilies/evil.gif

And touching moments like...

Vogonwë’s missiles, however, flew long and true. One by one, in slow moshun, dey struck Gravlox, some in de 'esact same place as de oders. As each one struck, his haid jerked back and his fro flew about his haid in an even mo'e dramatic fashion. 'S coo', bro. A look uh ho'rified confusion wuz writ across hain't-so-noble mien—he had neva' dought dat Vogonwë would reso't t'spells and magick mischief. But so's it wuz.

“Noooooooo! Right on!” Merisuwyniel cried, runnin' fo'ward. De real last arrow wuz flyin' straight toward Gravlox’s heart, but befo'e it could hit its mark, de lide fo'm uh de Elven maiden intercepted it. Man! ...

She fell t'de ground wid some heart-wrenchin' cry, and somewhere an o'chestral swell could be heard. Pimpiowyn shrieked in ho'ro', Gravlox gasped out da damn dojigger uh de noble lady, and Vogonwë said, “Uh-oh. Lop some boogie.”

...

"Merisu! Right on!" cried Gravlox even as he slumped t'de ground.

smilies/biggrin.gif

[Lyra Greenleaf]

Dear lord I actually speak cockney! I'd never realised before but that must be how I read the Bds in my head...gulp! Yup, that's my miserable secret. When I read Bethberry I actually think:
Bêffberry

I don't say chuffin' though. In fact I've never met someone who says it. Perhaps they went to a different EastEnd?

[Meneltarmacil]

EXTREMELY funny in my opinion. Check this out.
NORMAL ENGLISH: I am a servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of Arnor. Dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun! Go back to the Shadow. You shall not pass!
REDNECK: Ah's a servant of th' secret fire, wielder of th' flame of Arno'. Dark fire will not avail yo', flame of Udun! Fry mah hide! Git back t'th' Shadow. Yo' shall not pass!
JIVE: I's gots'ta be some servant uh de secret fire, wielda' of de flame uh Arno'. Dark fire gots'ta not avail ya', flame uh Udun! Right on! Go back t'de Shadow, so cut me some slack, Jack. You's shall not pass! Right on!
COCKNEY: I'm a servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of Arnor. Dark fire will not avail yer, right, flame of Udun! Blimey! Go hammer and tack to the Shadow. Yer shall not pass! Honest guv!
ELMER FUDD: I am a sewvant of the secwet fiwe, wiewdew of the fwame of Awnow. Dawk fiwe wiww not avaiw you, fwame of Udun! Go back to the Shadow. You shaww not pass!
(note: Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting Balwogs. Hehehehehe. smilies/biggrin.gif
SWEDISH CHEF: I em a serfunt ooff zee secret fure-a, veeelder ooff zee fleme-a ooff Ernur. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Derk fure-a veell nut efeeel yuoo, fleme-a ooff Udoon! Gu beck tu zee Shedoo. Yuoo shell nut pess!
MORON: I am a sehbant of the, ERRRR, secret fire, uh uh uh, wieldeh of the, uh uh uh, flame of Arnor. Lee me lone!Dark fire will not abail you, flame of Udun! Doihh, COOL! Go back t' de Shadow. Duh, you shall not pass! Huh huh!
PIG LATIN: Iyay amyay ayay ervantsay ofyay ethay ecretsay irefay, ielderway ofyay ethay ameflay ofyay Arnoryay. Arkday irefay illway otnay availyay youay, ameflay ofyay Udunyay! Ogay ackbay otay ethay Adowshay. Youay allshay otnay asspay!
HACKER: I AM A S3RVANT oF TEH S3CRET FIR,E WEILDAR 0F TEH fL4E 0F AR|\|OR DARK FIR3 WOL; NT A\/AI7 YOu, FA/\/\E O FIDUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!11 lolololoolololo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 gO B4XOR TO RTWEH SH4DOW... ypou shall not pass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~~

[Yavanna228]

Yefunna228 is quite amused. smilies/smile.gif
I do believe I enjoyed the 'jive' dialect the most, but the 'hacker' was just disturbing. Thanks Luinalatawen!
Peace

[Eressië Ailin]

Hehe... Wywa Gweenweaf... lol...


Like I said, uh uh uh uh, it's no biggie, uh uh uh, dgust PM de pehson & poit out de neid to use propeh grammeh/puckuashun/etc. Um uh.Plain & siple...

Lol!

[ August 16, 2003: Message edited by: Eressië Ailin ]

[Horse-Maiden of the Shire]

Hehehe! I love this! Here are a few examples of my name:

Jive Ho'se-Maiden uh de Shire

Redneck Houn'dog-Maiden of th' Shire

Elmer Fudd Howse-Maiden of the Shiwe

Swedish Chef Hurse-a-Meeedee ooff zee Shure-a

Hacker h0rse-maiden oF t3h shir e

Ooh my...that Swedish chef one is crazy...

[elven maiden Earwen]

In Jive, I read a RPG post of mine that was supposed to be sad. This is how it turned out.

De dragon had been slain. 'S coo', bro. De quest wuz now over. Ah be baaad... All dat wuz left wuz t'say baaaadbye and haid crib. Rowan had told Iarlhach whut had happened t'Alcyávëiel and he had told him whut Alcyávëiel said. Iarlhach wid love fo' his life decided dat he would meet ha' soon, fo' he would sail west. Man!

Rowan stood starin' at da damn see as de sun set. Man! It wuz fine. De wind blew softly. Slap mah fro! Rowan sighed. So's much had happened on de quest. Man! He had seen dead, pain and despair, but he had also seen hope and love.

“Goodbye Nalin. 'S coo', bro. Goodbye Alcyávëiel. Goodbye Merenwen. 'S coo', bro. Goodbye Callo” he whispuh'ed softly rememberin' his companions who had got wasted. Dey wuz all real brave and dey had become his homeys. He would miss dem. WORD!

Rowan turned around. Fust he said baaaadbye t'de dwarf broders and Farin and Perin. 'S coo', bro. Den he haided towards Iarlhach and said his baaaadbyes t'him. WORD!

“Tell Alcyávëiel dank ya'. She saved mah' life.” Rowan said slowly. Slap mah fro!

“I will”.

He told his baaaadbyes t'Ewinda. WORD!

“Elentari ya' gots been some great guide is quest. Man! May we meet again soon. 'S coo', bro.” He said his baaaadbyes t'Lenwe too and den he haided towards Lostlondwen and ha' moder. Ah be baaad...

“ You's is truly brave Lostlondwen, and ah' gots'ta rememba' yo' bravery,” he said choosin' his wo'ds carefully. Slap mah fro!

“Dank ya'.”

“And Lostlondwen. 'S coo', bro. ah' finally gots an answa' to yo' quesshun.” He said wid some smile. “I's gots'ta be goin' t'go crib and see mah' family. Slap mah fro! ah' gots'ta live happily till de end uh my days. Always t'rememba' de sucka's ah' have seen and met and da damn place ah' have been on dis quest. Man! To rememba' deir bravery, deir loyalty and deir courage. Farewell.”

And wid dis he rode uh east on Bulëgalad. It wuz goin' t'be some long and hard journey but Rowan knowed he would survive. Afta' all he dun did survive da damn dragon. 'S coo', bro.

And Rowan comes no mo'e into dis tale no' be any tale eva' told uh de rest uh his life.


lol. Its a nightmare. smilies/biggrin.gif

[Elanor]

smilies/biggrin.gif Oh dear, I've finally managed to stop laughing. Thanks to whoever found that. Try it with poetry, it's wonderful.

Renooed shall be d' blade dat was busted...

[ArwenBaggins]

Well, look at Oddwen's profile in 'Moron'

Eenie, uh uh uh, Meenie, uh uh uh, Miny, Mo. Catch a Steerd by the, duh uhh, toe, uh uh uh, if Meela hollehs, duuhhhh, RUN! Doihh, COOL!! Doihh, COOL!! Doihh, COOL! DON'T LOOK BACK! Doihh, COOL!! Doihh, COOL! HEAD FOR THE HILLS! Doihh, COOL!! Doihh, COOL! FLEE IF YOU BALUE YOUR LIFE! Doihh, COOL!! Doihh, COOL!! Doihh, COOL! AHH! Doihh, COOL!! Doihh, COOL!! Doihh, COOL!! Doihh, COOL!
And do you know duh, how hard it is t' run while doigg de Wabe, duh...uh...?

[Nibinlondwen]

I'm from sweden, and sertainly do not think the swedish chef sounds swedish at all. It's more like German. smilies/redface.gif but I admit it was really funny.

[ September 13, 2003: Message edited by: Nibinlondwen ]

[Iel]

vanwalossien dansker??
didn't get it.....

[Cuthalion]

Archer...OMG!! *Dials 911 after suffering heart-attack*

[Feanor of the Peredhil]

I believe it may just be about the right time to bring this thread back to life. Highly entertaining, it was. I recommend Elmer Fudd.

Fea

[Son of Númenor]

When I saw this site, I knew what had to be done.

Ladies an' gents, this hyar's a' essay on Th' Homea-comin' of Beo'htnoth by that durn feller, Th' Squatter of Amon Rûdh:


This hyar has th' look t'me of a set essay rather than a subjeck fo' discusshun, but this hyar wawk of Tolkien's desarves mo'e than enny other t'be discussed wif reference t'Anglo-Saxon heroic vahse in juneral, an' th' Maldon fragment in particular. Perhaps mah response will prompp them wif mo'e smarts of th' subjeck t'contribute their opinions.

Th' Battle of Maldon, t'which Th' Homea-comin' of Beo'htnoth is a sequel, is a late flowerin' of th' English alliterative epic style, in which th' battle of Augest 991 is dexcribed fum th' fo'mashun of th' English troops t'a point jest befo'e their final destruckshun. Most space is given t'th' speeches of various East-Saxon combatants, housecarles of Beo'htnoth who eleck t'fight on t'th' last man rather than retreat; but an impo'tant passage thet occurs at lines 85-90, shows Beo'htnoth agreein' t'a cunnin' requess fum th' Vikin's thet they be allered t'crost a vital bridge, which they c'd only haf taken wif great difficulty. Beo'htnoth accedes t'this requess "fo' his ofermod" (fo' his excessive pride), an' acco'din' t'Tolkien crostes th' line thet divides heroism an' chivalry. In so doin' he corndemns them whom he comman's t'death, an' his varmints t'Vikin' depredashuns.

It is probably wise t'point out at this hyar stage thet th' wo'd 'chivalry' is not one thet th' Anglo-Saxons'd haf recognised, cuss it all t' tarnation. It is a medieval French wo'd thet derives fum chevalier: a knight o' houn'dogman, as enny fool kin plainly see. Tolkien's definishun is between th' behaviour thet one might incounter in th' Mo'te D'Ezekiel, in which fights t'th' death is treated as spo'tin' corntests, an' simple heroism, which cuzs a man t'go t'extreme len'ths in th' pursuance of a particular goal, ah reckon. Beo'htnoth has a duty t'his varmints an' t'his kin' t'defend them fum th' invadin' armah, but his insissence on seein' th' contess as essentially a spo'tin' one (prompped, no doubt, by excessive se'f-cornfidence) cuzs him t'fail in his duty. Heroism, as evinced in his refusal t'han' on over treasure t'th' Vikin's wifout a fight, on overretches itse'f an' defeats its own objeck. By corntrast, Beo'htnoth's household, by refusin' t'aban'on their leader an' retreat, is shown in much th' same light as Tennyson's Light Brigade: min condemned by t'other's incompetence t'die, an' yet prepared t'do their duty nonetheless. Th' speech of th' old retainer, Beo'htwald, is regarded by menny, Tolkien included, as th' finess extant expresshun of th' No'thern heroic spirit:

Hige sceal þe heardra, heo'te þe cenre,
mod sceal þe mare, þe ure mæjun lytlað.
Her lið ure ealdo' eall fo'heawen,
god on greote. A mæg gno'nian
se ðe nu fram þis wigplegan wendan þenceð.
Ic eom frod feo'es fram ic ne wille,
ac ic me be hea'fe minum hlafo'de,
be swa leofan men, licgan þence

(Thought muss be th' harder, heart be th' keener,
mind muss be th' greater, while our stren'th lessens.
Here lies our prince all hewn,
fine one on grit. He may allus mourn
who fum this hyar war-play reckons now t'turn, as enny fool kin plainly see.
Mah life is old: ah will not away;
but ah mahse'f beside mah lo'd,
by so loved a man, reckon t'lie.)

Beo'htwald's speech is an expresshun of heroism; of th' intent t'keep one's wo'd o' does one's duty in th' face of insurmountable odds. By corntrast, his lo'd's magnanimity toward th' enemah is in direck cornflick wif his responsibilities t'them unner his comman' an' proteckshun. Beo'htwald is motivated by loyalty, Beo'htnoth by pride an' th' pursueyt of honour. Th' poet leaves th' reader in no doubt as t'which is th' mo'e noble motive.

A similar lesson is taught by Th' Wan'erer. At lines 66-73, th' poet lays down his criteria fo' a fine warrio':

Wita sceal geþyldig,
ne sceal no t'hatheo't ne t'hrædwyrde,
ne t'wac wiga ne t'wanhydig,
ne t'fo'ht ne t'fæjun, ne t'feohgifre
ne næfre gie'pes t'geo'n, ær he geare cunne.

Beo'n sceal gebidan, þonne he beot spriceð,
oþþæt collenferð cunne gearwe
hwider hreþra gehygd hweo'fan wille.
Ongietan sceal gleaw hæle hu gæstlic bið

(Th' wise man is patient,
not too hot-hearted, no' too quick tongued,
no' a warrio' too weak, no' too foolhardy,
neifer frightened no' fain, no' yet too wealth-greedy,
no' evah of boasts too eager, befo'e he knows inough.
A warrio' sh'd wait when he speaks a vow,
until, bold in mind, he clearly knows
whifer mind's thunk af'er will turn, as enny fool kin plainly see.)

Th' puffick warrio' shows moderashun in all virtues. Neifer is he a coward, no' does he charge into ev'ry situashun wifout reckonin'. He vows only whut he knows thet he kin achieve, an' sartinly he is nevah foolhardy. Ofermod is allus deprecato'y. As Tolkien points out in his essay on th' subjeck, it is used twice in Anglo-Saxon literature: once of Beo'htnoth an' once of Lucifer, an' a man motivated by it c'd only be takin' a foolhardy ackshun.

Beowu'f larnes much th' same lesson, as enny fool kin plainly see. Throughout th' poem, we see various acks fum th' eponymous hero thet may be cornsidered chivalrous: he insists upon fightin' Grendel wif his bare han's; he travels t'meet Grendel's Mammy in her own home, even though it is deep unnerwater; an' as an agin' kin' he travels t'face a dragon alone, leavin' his loyal retainers behind, cuss it all t' tarnation. On th' fust two occashuns, whut Beowu'f stakes is simply his own life, so despite bein' corntrary t'Hygelac's advice t'him on departure, they redoun' t'his credit; but as we see fum th' conclushun of th' epic, when he fights th' dragon he stakes th' finebein' of his intire kin'dom, dawgone it. Beowu'f's funeral pyre is thet of his varmints's fo'tunes, an' agin th' echo kin be heard of th' cry of 'ofermod' when Wiglaf says: "Of' sceall eo'l monig anes willan wreaec adreogan" ("Offen by one man's will menny muss woe indure"), lendin' fo'ce t'Hrothgar's exho'shun at lines 1758-68, which advises Beowu'f t'shun pride in favour of eternal rewards. Th' clear implicashun is thet a leader has mo'e t'consider than his own honour. He has a responsibility t'them unner his comman' neifer t'waste their lives no' his needlessly. Beowu'f an' Beo'htnoth both leave their varmints wifout defence aginst hostile foes, but etch is cu'pable in diffrunt ways. Beo'htnoth sacrifices th' lives of them most loyal t'him fo' th' sake of pride, wharas fo' th' same reason, Beowu'f sacrifices th' security of his country. In refusin' t'aller his retainers t'aid him, Beowu'f denies them th' oppo'tunity t'discharge their own responsibilities; an' eventually th' dragon is killed only on account o' his o'ders is not unyversally obeyed, cuss it all t' tarnation. In both cases, acks of bravery is carried too far; in both cases this hyar is disastrous.

We kin see th' same fo'm of corntrast throughout Tolkien's writin's, but ah will cornfine mahse'f hyar t'two examples: Húrin an' Huo''s rearguard ackshun at th' Nirnaeth Arnoediad an' Eärnur of Gondo''s acceppance of sin'le combat wif th' Witch-kin'.

In th' fo'mer case, th' men of Do'-lómin, led by Húrin an' Huo', fight a doomed ackshun t'covah Turgon's wifdrawal, ah reckon. This hyar is a necessity eff'n enny Elven host is t'leave th' field intack, an' th' men of Do'-lómin, by their sacrifice, aller a small hope t'be retrieved fum th' crushin' defeat.

But th' men of Do'-lómin held th' rearguard, as Húrin an' Huo' desuhed; fo' they did not wish in their hearts t'leave th' No'thlan's, an' eff'n they c'd not win back t'their homes, thar they'd stan' t'th' end, cuss it all t' tarnation.

Th' Silmarillion p.194
This hyar last stan' is heroic on account o' it is necessary. Someone muss covah th' retreat of Turgon's armah, an' by so doin' th' men of Do'-lómin guareentee th' future salvashun of th' Noldo' an' Edain, as enny fool kin plainly see. Th' praise thet Tolkien has th' Elves heap upon Húrin, includin' namin' him Thalion, th' Steadfast, is an indicashun of how Tolkien hisse'f sar this hyar ackshun. Th' behaviour of Huo' an' Húrin is direckly analogous t'thet of Beo'htwald: min prepared t'die in th' service of a cuz on account o' t'live in defeat is unreckonable.

By corntrast, when Kin' Eärnur accepps a challenge fum th' Witch-kin' of Angmar t'sin'le combat, his ackshun is intirely unnecessary. When th' fust challenge arrives on his accesshun t'th' throne, he is dissuaded fum acceppin' by th' counsel of th' steward Mardil, whom Tolkien dexcribes as 'th' fine Steward'. Mardil quite rightly sees th' Mo'gul Lo'd as one not t'be trested, an' th' proposed jool as a trap, but we haf already been told thet Eärnur's courage outstrips his wisdom, dawgone it. When th' Witch-kin' repeats his challenge, addin' fresh insults, th' kin' kin be restrained no longer an' rides out t'face his tretcherous inemah, exackly as Beo'htnoth allers his inemies th' advantage fo' th' sake of his own honour. His inevitable disappeareence raises th' speckre of th' Kin-Strife an' places his country, t'which his fust loyalty ought t'be given, in a state of unsartinty. Th' incident, fum th' dexcripshun of Eärnur's chareecker until his disappeareence fum th' narrative makes it plain thet his is a se'fish an' foolish decishun; an' eff'n Tolkien wrote an account of th' last stan' aginst th' tretcherous inemah, ah have no doubt thet it'd haf borne a strikin' resemblance t'th' Maldon fragment. One sh'd nevah, says Tolkien, aller th' desuhe fo' honour t'stan' in th' way of one's responsibilities an' obligashuns; an' in this hyar he echoes th' exho'shuns t'wisdom thet th' ancient poets direcked at their warlike an' aristocratic audiences.

It is no coincidence thet Tolkien an' th' autho's of t'other wawks ah have menshuned above shared a common religious belief in th' sinfulness of pride. Mo'goth, Sauron an' th' Witch-kin' is all excessively proud chareeckers, an' in etch of them this hyar leads them fum wisdom into evil an' eventual destruckshun. In givin' hisse'f up t'th' sins of th' Enemah, Eärnur literally places hisse'f at their mercy, as th' Maldon poet might haf said, fo' his ofermod. By corntrast, in sacrificin' themselves in th' furtherance of a noble cuz, Huo' an' Húrin become desarvedly heroic figgers in th' lejunds of th' Elder Days. Although pride undoubtedly plays a part in th' latter ackshun, it is good and restrained t'stop at heroic se'f-sacrifice wifout brin'in' this hyar about needlessly.

Th' Homea-comin' of Beo'htnoth differs markedly fum both its Anglo-Saxon fo'bars an' fum Tolkien's other writin's in thet it does not stop at criticisin' th' folly of chivalrous pride in a leader. It goes on t'quesshun war itse'f an' tharfo'e th' whole basis of th' mighty epic poetry thet inspired it. It is no coincidence thet th' poetry in th' piece is spoken by th' caller To'hthelm, whose gran'iose vahses is deflated by th' old soldier Tídwald, cuss it all t' tarnation. When Tídwald does use th' rheto'ic of epic poetry, it is wif satirical intent:

No ress fo' yo' yet! Fry mah hide! Were yo' reckonin' on bed?
Th' bess yo'll git is th' bottom of th' cart
Wif his hide fo' a bolster.

TORHTHELM

Yer a brute, Tída.

TÍDWALD
It's only plain language. Eff'n a poet sang yo':
'ah bowed mah haid on his breast beloved,
an' wary of weepin' woeful slepp I;
thus joined we journeyed, juntle master
an' faifful servant, on over fen an' b'der
to his last restin' an' love's indin'',
yo'd not call it cruel, ah reckon. ah have cares of mah own
in mah heart, Totta, an' mah haid's wary.

As sech, although it purpo'ts t'have pretenshuns towards bein' in th' Anglo-Saxon alliterative tradishun, Beo'htnoth is a se'f-cornsciously later wawk. At th' end of th' piece, Tolkien incudes both rhyme an' th' Latin dirige, representin' th' rhymin' vahse an' religious psalmody thet were already displacin' th' Anglo-Saxon epic when Th' Battle of Maldon was writ. Th' use of Tídwald's wo'ld-wary outlook t'counterack To'hthelm's high-flown an' courtly vahse, while echoin' th' theme of implicit criticism dexcribed above, direckly an' repeatedly satirises th' mighty poetry it imitates. To'hthelm, who has nevah see a battle, sees war as a gran' pursueyt, filled wif noble lo'ds an' brave heroes. Tídwald, who, like th' daid on th' field, has see it at fust han', speaks in a simpler an' mo'e heartfelt style, redolent of th' smarts of his subjeck:

Aye, thass battle fo' yo',
an' no wo'se today than in wars yo' sin' of,
when Fróda fell, an' Finn was slain, as enny fool kin plainly see.
Th' wo'ld wepp then as it weeps today:
yo' kin hear th' tears through th' harp's twangin'.
Come, bend yer back! Fry mah hide! We muss bar away
th' cold leavin's.
Although th' Anglo-Saxon epics is capable of th' wo'ld-wariness of Tídwald, they does not criticise th' ack of war itse'f as an evil better done wifout. In this hyar sense, Th' Homea-comin' of Beo'htnoth is mighty much a twentieth-century wawk. It sh'd nevah be fo'gotten thet Tolkien's ventures into these ancient styles were them of a modern man an' not an Anglo-Saxon, as enny fool kin plainly see. He unnerstood th' spirit of th' age, but not so instinckively as them livin' at th' time'd haf unnerstood it. By instinck he unnerstood his own age, which has been too deeply scarred by misplaced heroism an' chivalry an' by th' twistin' of meanin' an' motive t'write in th' style of Beowu'f o' th' Maldon fragment. Although as late as Tennyson th' same effeck c'd be achieved, by Tolkien's day war itse'f was a disaster, an' sech defeats as Maldon only lesser tragedies wifin it. By po'trayin' th' conflick between th' soldier an' th' poet, both of which roles he had played hisse'f at one time o' t'other, Tolkien at once attempps t'resolve a cornflick in hisse'f between his love of epic poetry an' whut he knowed of th' reality of warfare, an' t'pay homage t'a wo'ld in which he sar so much thet was admirable. His motives is them of th' modern poet an' th' histo'ical philologist, an' markedly so; but Beo'htnoth still stan's as an excellent insight into whut lies beyond th' poetry: th' Anglo-Saxon wo'ld thet reJawjad Tolkien's main professhunal interess throughout his career.

[Sirithheruwen]

The scary thing is, I understood every single word of the Pig Latin one. :eek: Yes, I speak fluent Pig Latin.

Ethay aryscay ingthay isay, Iay understooday everyay inglesay ordway ofay ethay Igpay Atinlay oneway. Esyay, Iay eakspay uentflay Igpay Atinlay. ;) :p

[HerenIstarion]

dat is very funny, as enny fool kin plainly see :D

[Amanaduial the archer]

The scary thing is, I understood every single word of the Pig Latin one. :eek: Yes, I speak fluent Pig Latin.

Ethay aryscay ingthay isay, Iay understooday everyay inglesay ordway ofay ethay Igpay Atinlay oneway. Esyay, Iay eakspay uentflay Igpay Atinlay.

ahay, tbuay ethay herotay rryingwoay ingthay isay atthaay Iay uldcoay adreay atthaay ssagepaay thwiay rryingwoay seeaay asay llweay...stmuay beay anay idemicepay ;)

[Evisse the Blue]

Beowu'f larnes much th' same lesson, as enny fool kin plainly see.
Hahahaha! This could be added to 101 Things BDers (in this case, Squatter) would never say.

I had lots of fun with this quote: "You will give me the Ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair!"

Check it out in:
Redneck: "Yo' will gimme th' Rin' freely! Fry mah hide! In place of th' Dark Lo'd yo' will set up a Queen, as enny fool kin plainly see. An' ah shall not be dark, but right purdy an' terrible as th' Mo'nin' an' th' Night! Fry mah hide! Fair as th' Sea an' th' Sun an' th' Snow upon th' Mountain! Fry mah hide! Dreadful as th' Sto'm an' the Lightnin'! Fry mah hide! Stronger than th' foun'ashuns of th' earth. All shall love me an' despair! Fry mah hide!'

Jive:: You's gots'ta gimme de Rin' freely! Right on! In place uh de Dark Lo'd ya' gots'ta set down some Queen. 'S coo', bro. And ah' shall not be dark, but fine and terrible as de Mo'nin' and da damn Night! Right on! Fair as de Sea and da damn Sun and da damn Snow downon de Mountain! Right on! Dreadful as de Sto'm and de Lightnin'! Right on! Stronga' dan de foundashuns uh de eard. All shall love me and despair! Right on!'

Elmer Fudd: You wiww give me the Wing fweewy!Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! In pwace of the Dawk Wowd you wiww set up a Qween, uh-hah-hah-hah. And I shaww not be dawk, but beautifuw and tewwibwe as the Mowning and the Night! Faiw as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dweadfuw as the Stowm and the Wightning! Stwongew than the foundations of the eawth. Aww shaww wove me and despaiw!'

Swedish Chef: (don't know as many Swedish chefs to find this overly amusing, though) " Yuoo veell geefe-a me-a zee Reeng freely! In plece-a ooff zee Derk Lurd yuoo veell set up a Qooeee. Und I shell nut be-a derk, boot beooteeffool und terreeble-a es zee Murneeng und zee Neeght! Feur es zee Sea und zee Soon und zee Snoo upun zee Muoonteeen! Dreedffool es zee Sturm und zee Leeghtning! Strunger thun zee fuoondeshuns ooff zee iert. Ell shell lufe-a me-a und despeur!'

Moron: Duh, you will gibe me de Rigg freely! Doihh, COOL! In place of de Dark Lord you will set up a Keen. DOIHH!And I shall not be dark, but beautiful 'n tehriggle as de Mornigg 'n de Nite! Doihh, COOL! Fair as de Sea and de Sun 'n de Snow upon de Mountain! Doihh, COOL! Dreadful as de Storm 'n de Litenigg! Doihh, COOL! Strongeh dan the, uh uh uh, foundashuns of the, uh, eard. All shall lobe me and despair! Doihh, COOL!'

Hacker: uiwl7 give me tehj ring f reley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~~~ ooololo!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 iun op7Ace of t3h darrk lorDu will set iup a queen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~~~~~~ adn is ha7l not e darfk, buT bweautriFul aned tarrible as teh morning and the night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111~~ fAir as the sea and the sun Adn teh Snow upon te mountasin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11~~~~~~ dreAdful as teh storm asnd teh Lightning~~~~~ strOnger THan tHe foundaTionz of teh earth!!!!!!!!11~~~~ all sHal7 lov3 mer and d3spair!!!!!!!!!1~~ YOU aR3 LAME

Ick! The Hacker one scares me too! The really scary thing is there are people who talk like that all the time.

[Sirithheruwen]

ahay, tbuay ethay herotay rryingwoay ingthay isay atthaay Iay uldcoay adreay atthaay ssagepaay thwiay rryingwoay seeaay asay llweay...stmuay beay anay idemicepay

*aspgay* Anay epidemicay?! (ybay ethay away, Iay inkthay atthay ouray Igpay Atinlays areay ightlysay ifferentday. Ohay ellway. Iay illstay understanday ouyay.)

And for those BDers less fortunate as us: :p

*gasp* An epidemic?! (By the way, I think that our Pig Latins are slightly different. Oh well. I still understand you [Aman].


"Hacker" is how my friends talk online. Needless to say, I can't understand a word. I just retaliate by replying in Pig Latin. All of a sudden, they find the need to sign off. I wonder why? :p

[The Perky Ent]

Wanna know who Snoop Dog would interpret the Barrow Downs?

Use THE SHIZZOLATOR (http://www.asksnoop.com/) !

[Elennar Starfire]

Aye, those pig latins are different. I speak Sirith's version, but Aman's is understandable.

Shizzolator...oh my...

[Bêthberry]

Son of Núnemor, I don't know if I should be scandalised or smug to see the Travestometer set upon one of the greatest travestegians here. Or is it travestodists? And nary a squawk from Squatter. I forsee a great future for you here, sir. ;) :smokin:

[Diamond18]

You haven't lived until you've read this. (http://www.80s.com/Entertainment/ValleyURL/)

[Estelyn Telcontar]

Wonderful, Diamond! What a valuable source for the next adventures of a certain RPG which, for reasons of modesty, shall not be named here?! the California chapter of Guys And Girls for the understanding of Media Everywhere, or, G.A.G. M.E. Hilarious!

*Esty bookmarks the site and runs off to post it on the REB discussion thread*